This is a rush transcript from "The Five," November 14, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
JESSE WATTERS, CO-HOST: Hello, everybody. I'm Jesse Watters along with Morgan Ortagus, Geraldo Rivera, Kennedy, and Greg. It's 5 o'clock in New York City, and this is The Five.
Secretary of Defense James, mad dog, Mattis visiting with U.S. troops at the southern border today as a breakaway group of a few hundred migrants from the caravan reaches Tijuana and is seen climbing the border fence. Secretary Mattis saying he's confident about securing the border as the caravan arrives.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JAMES MATTIS, U.S. SECRETARY OF DEFENSE: I'm a 100 percent confident we have the number of troops at each of those ports of entry to complete the - - what we've been asked to do prior to the arrival of the large caravan wherever they choose to go for right now.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: Mattis' trip comes amid reports that President Trump is considering replacing homeland security secretary Kirstjen Nielsen. Trump telling the Daily Caller a decision could be coming shortly. Meanwhile, the big question on Capitol Hill is will Republicans finally be able to get funding for the border wall pass? Congressman Jim Jordan urging fellow lawmakers to make it their highest priority.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CONG. JIM JORDAN (R), OHIO: Single biggest promise we made the American people in 2016 that we have not got done yet. Building the border security wall and securing the border. We should be focus on that one main thing over the next several weeks as we still have a few weeks left while Republicans control all of government. We should focus on the biggest promise we made them and what they sent us here to do.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: And former acting ICE director Thomas Homan is warning Democrats will try to target ICE's budget when they officially take over the house.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
THOMAS HOMAN, FORMER ACTING I.C.E. DIRECTOR: I think they're going to look to cut the ICE budget, which means they'll fund less feds which equals less arrests, and less deportations, and more catch and release. I certainly think it's going to be a struggle with the house under Democratic control because they don't want immigration enforcement.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: All right. So let's take a look at the caravan or I guess some stragglers beat everybody to the punch. I started the fast ones, Geraldo.
GERALDO RIVERA, CO-HOST: I guess.
WATTERS: They made it to Tijuana and -- how easy is it to climb that wall? They're sitting up on top of the wall, straddling it, they fall, then they scurry back when they see any sort of presence on the other side. It's kind of a joke, isn't it?
RIVERA: Well, I think a new wall would be kind of a joke also, a 30-foot high multibillion-dollar wall can be easily defeated by a $25 31-foot ladder. What I am relieved is that the demonization of this group of people --
WATTERS: Wait, wait, wait. Are you saying that prototype doesn't prevent against ladders? I think they took that into consideration, Geraldo.
RIVERA: Walls stop Juan and Maria, the ordinary fruit picker, the baby sitters, the lawn mower. They don't stop MS-13 and the gang bangers. They tunnel under it. They fly over it. They boat around it. A wall doesn't stop the professional criminals. But, it is so firmly ingrained in the American psyche now that I have withdrawn my objection to the wall. If you want to spend $25 billion to build a wall, have that --
WATTERS: You mean Mexico is going to pay for it --
(CROSSTALK)
RIVERA: Hold your --
WATTERS: Well, that's big breaking news from Geraldo. What do you think, Greg?
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: I think this is -- it's a sad story because this was a politically motivated phenomenon which paints a group of people as cheating, line cutting, taking advantage --
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Yeah. And it's not -- and the fact is, it was politically motivated by activists. And they claim that they're fleeing danger for safety but they're fleeing right through and past Mexico which is offering them refuge. It's like driving to the second hospital you see when you're shot, not the first one. It doesn't make any sense. So that's a contradiction. But the problem here is that Americans are good people. We like immigrants. We are immigrants. But this politically motivated phenomenon triggered our sense of unfairness and line cutting. So you see people get upset about it because they feel that America is being taken advantage of. If we just -- and by the way, the reason why they're getting there faster is there are buses now. So there's always questions that nobody answered. For example, how did this start? Who started it? How are these people being fed and clothed and where are the bathrooms? And then, how can they go so far so quickly? And we're seeing now that they're using transportation. So we see that this is all an artificially created phenomenon and everybody comes out looking the worst.
WATTERS: And that is going to be a big battle in the house, Kennedy. How are they going to, in the lame duck, fund the wall at all? I heard 5 million is on the table from Senator Mitch McConnell.
(CROSSTALK)
WATTERS: That's 5 billion, excuse me. And then they're talking --
(CROSSTALK)
WATTERS: For you, Geraldo. And then they're talking about defunding possibly when Pelosi takes over the gavel of ICE.
KENNEDY, CO-HOST: Yes, the Democrats have talked about that. It's truly the progressive wing of the Democrat Party because mainstream Democrats, populist Democrats from the Midwest, they really don't have a lot of interest in that because they don't have an answer for what do you do in place of ICE. And that's the problem that Republicans ran into replacing Obamacare. They really didn't have a great solution for that and people are going to get very sick and tired of that brand of obstructionism. And Republicans really couldn't do much when they have the majority in both chambers.
WATTERS: Yeah.
KENNEDY: So how on earth are you going to create the sense of urgency just because you have a compressed timeline? And the interesting thing here is you really do have a solution. Democrats have something they want, Republicans who support the president have something they want, and if you trade dreamers for the wall it's -- both sides really are not far off in this compromise.
GUTFELD: That's too sensible.
KENNEDY: I know. That's the problem. Both sides love it. You're absolutely right about the activists on both sides. They love the entrenchment.
GUTFELD: Yeah.
KENNEDY: It's one of those issues where everyone wins when a group of people caught in the middle --
WATTERS: There was a deal on the table and then, for some reason, it fell apart. Morgan, now they're also talking about getting rid of Kirstjen Nielsen. Trump, allegedly, if you're going to believe the media right now, is very upset with her. She's not doing enough on the border, and he's thinking about replacing her as soon as tomorrow, we're hearing.
MORGAN ORTAGUS, GUEST CO-HOST: Well, I just want to say for the record, I'm super happy that we're still talking about the caravan. But, listen, when it comes to --
WATTERS: Well, they've said that fox was going to stop covering the caravan.
ORTAGUS: No, not at all.
WATTERS: They said Fox was going to stop covering it once the midterms set.
(CROSSTALK)
WATTERS: And love that we're covering it on "The Five."
ORTAGUS: So, everybody in the cabinet serves at the pleasure of the president, right? So if the president wants to remove someone because he didn't feel that person is doing a good job whether it's her or not, that's his prerogative as commander-in-chief to do what he wants. What I think was really important, actually, is that Mattis went down there. And, all you know, that -- you know, a national security person, and I think by Mattis going down there, he really signaled that this was a legitimate mission, this is a national security --
WATTERS: Well, he said we don't do stunts at the Department of Defense.
ORTAGUS: He did. He said that he supported them. But he also talked about this, sort of, being a moral issue. He framed what happened a hundred years ago whenever the military went down to the southwest border to protect it. So, although a lot of people may not like the president's rhetoric or make fun of him talking about the wall, I think what's important to note is that his strong action on this and his strong words on that, I think are really preventing people from getting even closer. But the most important thing I think is what Geraldo said, that the true people that we have to look at from a national security perspective are not the economic migrants or the refugees. The real problem are the gangs and the MS-13, and that's why you need the military and that's why you need to beef up ICE. And that's why Mattis is down there because this is about national security. It's not about a few poor migrants trying --
WATTERS: Geraldo, I want you to respond to what Kennedy said. Do you think that the Republicans may have lost some seats in the house because they have the majorities and they didn't pay for the wall?
RIVERA: I don't think that's what happens. I think the president and the nation suffered the double misfortune, the tragedy of the -- the massacre, and the Jewish synagogue in Pittsburg, and the bomber sending bombs out the week before the election, giving America a sense of disquiet and looking at President Trump as being less than invulnerable. You know, he seemed shattered or rattled, let me -- better word --
WATTERS: But if it's in 2020, two years from now, there's still no border wall funding and there still caravans coming, that's going to hurt turnout among Republicans.
RIVERA: I have urged the president to his face in conversations to please take the Kennedy deal. Give the dreamers a pathway to citizenship. The Democrats have already said they would fund the wall. Make them stand up. Make them do that. The elections have consequences. He's earned his wall, just as the dreamers have earned their path to citizenship. But I have to say you referenced something that Secretary Mattis said about 100 years ago, 150 years ago Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, California, and all these other states belonged to Mexico. So there's a special relationship that has to be recognized. We have 7 million unfilled jobs in this country. We have fruit and vegetables dying on the vine. I think we have to get off the dime. We have to force our political leaders, right and left, red, blue, Republican and Democrat to fix this problem. Enough already. Enough grandstanding.
GUTFELD: All right. I get it. It's important that we have people to go do these jobs. The one thing that drives me crazy about this is that whenever you are for the law and order process, whether it is for prisons, strong borders or terror, the opposing side is always going to say that you're against a certain group of people. You're always going to be painted as mean. So if you have a strong border, you don't like brown people. If you're -- if you want -- if you're strong on terror, you're Islamophobic. If you're for a strong criminal justice system, you just want to incarcerate more blacks, which, actually, President Trump show today he's not. But the point is, if you're a law and order person, the only argument that you're going to get in response is that you're just a mean bigots, and I think that really diminishes the debate.
WATTERS: It does because they can't argue on substance. They have to smear. All right. Florida election chaos continues. President Trump calling for Broward County election supervisor Brenda, sneaky, Snipes to be fired.
RIVERA: Did you name her?
WATTERS: And the feds are getting involved down there in Florida, details up next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
RIVERA: I come on so they play a little Ricky Martin?
WATTERS: It's a coincidence.
(LAUGHTER)
GUTFELD: No, weren't you in the original Menudo?
RIVERA: I was. I actually interviewed him for the original Menudo. Anyway, more dysfunction in the election drama that's unfolding in Florida. More dysfunction, is that news? A state judge, as you know, extended the Palm Beach County recount by five more days after those troubling reports of voting machines overheating and breaking down. So that's a state court judge. But now a federal judge has taken over the case from the state court judge. A federal judge in Tallahassee has taken the case and he requested -- I don't know if it's a he or she, actually, requested that all interested parties explain why that new Palm Beach County deadline should or should not be extended until next Tuesday. You're following? So we don't know if the Palm Beach election deadline has been extended or not. A federal judge now is making that decision right now, otherwise the deadline is tomorrow. Meanwhile, Brenda Snipes, remember her? Brenda, the embattled Broward County election supervisor, she's defending these slow, slow, ever so slow vote count.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BRENDA SNIPES, BROWARD COUNTY ELECTION SUPERVISOR: I'd like to call your attention that this midterm election, in addition to running very smoothly, was one of the most highly participated midterm elections probably that we've had in 20 years or more.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
RIVERA: Well, that's -- it's true that everybody voted. Over 8 million people in Florida voted. You have six votes between them -- in a new interview today with The Daily Caller, President Trump is slamming Brenda, calling her a disgrace and saying she should be fired. And don't you wish the president would stop criticizing black women for two weeks?
GUTFELD: He criticizes everybody, Geraldo. He just went after Acosta. Come on. Crazy.
ORTAGUS: I don't think he spares criticism for anybody. I mean, listen, this is not -- she's clearly incompetent. I mean, this is well documented.
RIVERA: She's reelected four times.
WATTERS: And so was Mary and Barry.
(LAUGHTER)
ORTAGUS: No. I mean, listen, I think what's really on the line here is election integrity for 2020 as well, not just here. And people in Florida, my lovely home state, deserve the right, you know, to know who won on election night, to have these be fair. Something interesting that I didn't realize is actually on the ballot in Florida here in the midterms, one of the amendments was to have all the supervisors of every county elected which did pass in Florida. So we're in for even more of a treat.
RIVERA: More Brenda's. Do you want to withdrawal that characterization of --
WATTERS: Sneaky?
RIVERA: Sneaky.
WATTERS: No, I'm going to stick to sneaky.
RIVERA: So what do you think of -- isn't the real problem that -- is 50/50, and you have 8 million votes and you have a handful separating? I mean, is there any system that --
WATTERS: Well, it became a handful. It's used to be 60,000 and now it's 15. And she says things are running smoothly. Listen, Geraldo, 3,000 counties in America are finished with the vote tallies. They've all done a great job. You have one county, maybe two, one county and they have no idea how many votes were cast, counted, or how many still have to be counted and she think it's running smoothly. She's a laughingstock. Everybody in this country is looking at her like she's a complete moron and she's defending herself. Now, it's gotten so bad the spin from MSNBC is that she's a Republican. That's what they're saying because they know --
RIVERA: Is she?
WATTERS: No. She was appointed by Republicans. She's run for reelection four times as a Democrat. Now, she say -- yeah, great -- well done low- energy Jeb. Yeah, now she says she's stepping down, right? You know when she's stepping down? In two years. So she's going to oversee this recount and oversee the 2020 election.
RIVERA: Isn't the point, Kennedy, that we reasonably expect the winner to be declared the winner? And isn't it just as likely that Rick Scott has prevailed by 12,000 on votes and that Desantis has also prevailed --
KENNEDY: Yeah, it's very unlikely --
RIVERA: Very unlikely.
KENNEDY: -- given past elections that these numbers will reverse and the decision will be overturned. Having said that, you're right, Florida is close, so anticipate that and make sure everything is functioning. In Palm Beach County, the vote counting machines are made by a company that no longer exists. That $11 million set aside for new machines but they couldn't decide which ones to get, and if they were ADA compliant. So now you have machines that need WD-40 and mechanic flown in from the Midwest who can ram a horn under it and basically get things working again because there's smoke coming out. But the biggest problem is is not that they're overheating and breaking down, it's every time you put the votes in, you come up with different tallies and that is quite problematic.
RIVERA: Greg, do you and your cynicism believe that they're trying to rig the election?
GUTFELD: I don't know anymore. These are the people -- if the Democrats win, it's no problem. If they lose, it's rigged. That's what we've learned. And they've said that it was like -- if you didn't chase the Russians, then you are guilty of treason, but if you chased the Democrats, you're guilty of treason. Is that how it works? Here's the thing, I hate this topic because nobody knows anything. It's like nobody -- this is like the worst episode of People's Court. When you have two really boring people arguing over hedges, like my hedge -- that's what this is. It all comes down to one thing. Who's going to give up first? The Democrats, it's an adolescent staring contest. And the Democrats always do this that they never give up. But now the Republicans just have to play the game and resist, and do not give up all the way to the end, and the Democrats will finally leave. There's no way that they can win this. I don't see how.
ORTAGUS: My favorite is that Nelson and Scott both showed up at the senate this week. It's like the Miss USA pageant a few years ago whenever there was like one girl won and then they took the crown of her head and put it on the other girl.
RIVERA: I like Scott and I like Nelson. I have no pony in this race. But I do think that --
WATTERS: Don't you own property in Florida, Geraldo?
(LAUGHTER)
RIVERA: Yes, I do. And there's no --
(CROSSTALK)
RIVERA: -- 67 counties in Florida. Why don't they all have the same machines? Why don't they all have the same stuff? Why don't they have --
GUTFELD: They're all made out of --
(CROSSTALK)
WATTERS: Each county has to purchase a machine that's owned by someone's cousin.
GUTFELD: They should checked the radiator. Check the radiator and the water pump.
RIVERA: Up next --
KENNEDY: All you have to do is jiggle the handle.
GUTFELD: Exactly.
RIVERA: Carey Hart has -- he has a warning for wildfire looters that he's willing to exercise his second amendment right if you come around his property. Details when The Five continues after this.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
ORTAGUS: This is a Fox News alert, at least 51 people are dead statewide, about a hundred still missing in the devastating wildfires in California, this is as firefighters continue to battle fierce flames on both the north and south part of the state. Jonathan Hunt is standing by in Malibu with the latest. Jonathan?
JONATHAN HUNT, FOX NEWS: And, Kennedy, we're certainly not out of the woods yet, as was demonstrated in the early hours of this morning, about 55 miles east of L.A. where a pretty fierce fire broke out. Fortunately, it didn't really threaten any homes. It looked spectacular in the aerial pictures we saw, but firefighters got a handle on it pretty quickly. Here in Malibu, as you come back live to us, a lot of those evacuated are coming back now. A lot of them are coming back to outer heartbreak, such as the owner of this property, completely destroyed. And take a look down here at my feet, Kennedy, this is about 6 inches to a foot of pure ash. Imagine the amount of material that has to burn for there to be that much ash over such a wide area.
And I can tell you a little bit about this neighborhood, Kennedy. This is a street I used to live on. This is not a street of millionaires. It's not a street of mansions. It's ordinary, hardworking Americans. The gentleman, for instance, who own this property used to come out and encourage my then 5-year-old daughter when I was teaching her to ride a bike on this street right here. That's my old house up ahead of us. This guy who owns this property, John, he's lost absolutely everything he's ever worked for, everything he's ever had. Yet, still, Kennedy, he's been back here in the last couple of days and in true John style, he smiles and said at least I'm alive. Kennedy.
KENNEDY: Jonathan, thank you so much. Incredible stories of loss and survival, thank you. Now, amid reports that thieves may be targeting wildfire victims in that Malibu neighborhood, Pink's husband is vowing to use deadly force to protect his property. Carey Hart posting this photo on social media of a gun touting posse, with a sign warning, quote, looters will be shot on sight. He hashtag the post, defend your land, hashtag, second amendment. So, Jesse, if you have people coming from various parts of southern California to steal your stuff, how would you defend your property?
WATTERS: I would call Pink's husband because I'm not strap like that guy is. There're some gnarly dudes that are looking around to start looting. They're in ski masks. They've just been caught with laptops, stolen handguns, someone stole a motorhome. They've been found with meth and heroin. They have chainsaws, stolen AR-15's. Two people that were just arrested were impersonating U.S. forest service workers.
KENNEDY: Yeah, they have the yellow jacket.
WATTERS: They have the same yellow jackets on and they're trying to loot. So I think, you know, whatever you can do to defend your property, that's good. On the other hand, Jerry Brown is now taking a lot of heat. Allegedly, two years ago he vetoed a bipartisan bill to really shore up the downed power lines and mitigated the risks that those lines can spark wildfires like this. He vetoed that, now people are looking back and saying maybe there could have been more done.
KENNEDY: Yeah. And, Geraldo, you know having lived in Malibu for years, once one of those sparks hits and it's very much the same in the Sierra Nevada's in Northern California, those canyons are just wind tunnels and they burn up. They are given so much oxygen with that heat and force and there's really very little they can do, especially when those firefighters are facing brutal Santa Ana's.
RIVERA: The one thing about the Santa Ana's, though, Kennedy, and I feel although the looting story is, I guess, an important story and the 51 dead is certainly the headline story. That's the most important thing. To me, it was the utter lack of warning. Once the winds blow, once the Santa Ana blows, it should be computable to say, OK, the wild brush has now not burned for two years. I'm making it up. Two and a half years, six months. The humidity is below 25 percent, the wind is blowing above 12 percent. You know this is going to happen. How is it that those people burned in their cars, not being able to escape? How is it that they weren't evacuated earlier? How is it that those -- they didn't block those roads, those canyon roads? This is unacceptable. This is -- you can't have grandma dying in her car. You've seen the videos. Everyone has seen the videos. You drive the car through these -- through the hell on earth.
KENNEDY: I mean -- but I guess what I will say is it does happen so quickly. It's not like a hurricane where you have days and days of warning. Yes, there is essentially a wildfire season in Southern California, but when the winds shift, there's nothing you can do. And --
RIVERA: You sound the sirens like the Midwest does for the tornados.
KENNEDY: OK.
RIVERA: You blast those sirens. Everybody knows that, oh, my God, this is --
GUTFELD: But to that point, a lot of people aren't going to take it seriously, and you see this also with hurricanes. People, "I can stick it out here."
And one of the reasons why people stick it out is because they worry about their belongings. They don't want to leave their houses, because they don't understand there is no stiff penalty against looting. There is none. They don't want to leave. It's like when you leave your house with the door unlocked, you may get away with it but everybody knows you're leaving during this.
So the thing is, the problem with looting isn't theft. It's a persuasive argument for staying and dying.
RIVERA: Good point.
KENNEDY: You're absolutely right. And when you've already lost your property and you don't want to do with your pets.
GUTFELD: Yes.
KENNEDY: And the last thing you have are the few things in your possession that don't burn, like firearms, you know, it's really a recipe for disaster. Is the state handling it appropriately?
ORTAGUS: I think it's hard to make a convincing case that they are. I mean, I think you make a great point, Kennedy, that the wind could blow and change directions quickly.
But these fires happen every year, not to this level, of course. But with this many people dead, I think you have to look at the federal and the state response and hold people accountable. I mean, there has to be some consequences for this.
To which we say you know what? We know that there's a five-year drought. We know how high-risk it is right now. And it's just -- I think it's simply unacceptable in America today to have this many people burned to death in their cars, as you said. It's really tragic. It's really sad.
But I would say, for every negative story, I was looking at a wonderful story earlier today about Lady Gaga delivering pizza to many of the -- to many of the firefighters and aid workers. And you see the best of America come together in these stories. Yes, there's looters, but you see people giving charitably. I haven't done it yet, so I'm going to do it after the show. The segment has inspired me, Kennedy.
KENNEDY: It's true. And some of those first responders were working around the clock. And those departments, many of them stretched very thin. But the way they are pitching in, the sheriff's departments. They're calling neighbors. They're reaching out to people. The Red Cross and other volunteers doing whatever they can to locate as many people as possible.
RIVERA: Can I just say one little thing? What Jonathan said about ordinary folks living in this neighborhood. Too much of the attitude about what happens in Malibu -- they're all rich, Hollywood people -- that's a bad attitude to have. We're all in this together.
KENNEDY: And it -- it's 27 miles long. A lot of people live in the hills. And there are also several trailer parks throughout Malibu, where you know, people are not --
RIVERA: My parents lived in one.
KENNEDY: And I lived with them for several months, which is awkward.
An anti-Trump pundit melts down with a new unhinged prediction. You've got to see this. Next on "The Five."
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
ORTAGUS: Another outrageous example of liberal media bias. Anti-Trump pundit Donny Deutsch is predicting the president would attempt a military coup if he doesn't win his 2020 reelection bid.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DONNY DEUTSCH, MSNBC COMMENTATOR: I think he will be disqualified before. But in the sad event he does run and he does lose, which will be a happy event, he it would be stunning what we would see. He would be a president going, "I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. Call the military."
I mean, that -- we have to look at this man. He really would do that. He would say, "No, no, no. This is -- I'm still here." And even if they carried him out, he would turn to 50 million Americans and say, "I am still your president and this is my new government." This is what we're dealing with here, kids.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
ORTAGUS: You know, Greg, this is going to be a really tough decision for me as a Navy reservist. Which side do I take in the military coup?
GUTFELD: I don't know. What a Deutsch bag.
WATTERS: That's so funny.
GUTFELD: Thank you, thank you. Deutsch bag, I just came up with that.
But you know what's the funny thing? Obviously, he's kind of like -- he's one of -- he's going to a place where he was semi-not serious, and then he realized he was going to a place where, "Hmm, I'm saying something really, really stupid. Do I own it or do I just say I'm kidding? No, I'm going to say it's really going to happen."
But he had an opportunity to split off and just say, "I'm joking," but he went there.
And here's the point. They talk a lot about Trump, because if they didn't, their viewers would bail on them. Because without Donald Trump, they are left with their own personalities, which are grating. Unlike "The Five," in which we can talk about anything, because we're fun people who like neat things and do interesting stuff.
ORTAGUS: Absolutely.
RIVERA: Wow. I feel so blessed.
ORTAGUS: Jesse, one of the things -- I'm never surprised whenever Donny Deutsch and Joe Scarborough count the president out, which I always think is a mistake.
But one of the things that did surprise me when Axios detailed how he thought the president's reelection bid looked. Three in ten Americans say they want to see Trump reelected, and the numbers weren't great. Again, I always think people discount this president. But what do you think about this Axios report that it's going to be incredibly difficult for the president to get reelected?
WATTERS: I think it's going to be more difficult, because he's probably not going to face Crooked. And he's got to win Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, and --
RIVERA: Michigan, Ohio.
WATTERS: -- and Michigan. Not necessarily all three of them, but he at least needs one.
But I want to talk about Deutsch bag. I respect him. He's a talented guy. Had a nice career, always tan. I definitely take my hat off to that.
But this was -- I feel like Greg was right. He's weaving into a point where he, like, starts to peddle a conspiracy theory, and then he smirks in order to pull off "Am I kidding or am I serious?" And I know smirking.
GUTFELD: Yes.
WATTERS: I do that. And, you know, I respect that.
The Trump predictions. I made a list of things that people have said would happen with Donald Trump. He would drop out of the general election. He would resign during the transition and hand over the keys to Pence.
GUTFELD: Right.
WATTERS: He would nuke North Korea, pull out of NATO, fire Mueller. He would be arrested and then he would pardon himself.
GUTFELD: Right.
WATTERS: Trump is a Russian asset. And then they also predicted, which is the most outlandish, that Trump would stop tweeting.
RIVERA: That's really outrageous.
WATTERS: That by far is the most outrageous.
RIVERA: Never happen.
ORTAGUS: I mean, that's -- anyway, go ahead. I don't even know what to say.
RIVERA: I was -- I was just going to say that I have a couple of predictions. There is --
ORTAGUS: You know the president, right?
RIVERA: I know the president. I --
GUTFELD: I didn't know you knew him.
ORTAGUS: What?
GUTFELD: "Well, I know the president."
ORTAGUS: But he doesn't seem disinterested to me at all in the job. That's what Scarborough said.
GUTFELD: Scarborough is talking from guilt, because he helped elect Trump, and now he's virtue signaling to his audience.
RIVERA: Well, Nicole Wallace and Joe Scarborough are two of the most vehement Trump haters. They're both Republican. You know, I find that very, very ironic.
There's not going to be any Russian collusion. Take it to the bank. It doesn't happen. It doesn't exist. It is absolute B.S. Mueller's report will be the biggest vanilla piece of cake that you've ever -- sponge cake that you've ever had. It's not going to happen.
WATTERS: I'm hungry, Juan.
RIVERA: You like -- you like vanilla. And I believe that he will run --
WATTERS: I like chocolate, too, Geraldo.
RIVERA: -- for reelection. I've seen -- you know, his supporters are very -- that's very good. Very good. You like chocolate.
ORTAGUS: Kennedy, what I'm wondering is because when you have all of these guys like Scarborough and Deutsch and all of them that are -- and everyone running for the president, it's like a shoe measuring contest with the president. Let's put it that way.
KENNEDY: I don't think they're measuring shoes, or --
ORTAGUS: Well, for cable television, they're measuring shoes.
KENNEDY: Sure.
ORTAGUS: So do you think a women, any of the women --
GUTFELD: Not hands?
ORTAGUS: I'm not going there.
WATTERS: Never had a problem.
ORTAGUS: Do you think any of the women that are running against the president perhaps, you know, will be better -- better suited because they're not sort of, like, two macho males fighting it out?
KENNEDY: At this point, we don't know -- we don't know who the nominee is going to be. It looks like it's going to be Joe Biden, because according to all the polls, he's ahead.
GUTFELD: I disagree but go ahead.
KENNEDY: All right. Very good. Always (UNINTELLIGIBLE) it is, Greg. I redact that statement.
But it's funny, because --
(CROSSTALK)
WATTERS: -- boss. Everybody knows it.
KENNEDY: Donny Deutsch obviously doesn't know anything about politics, because he's using words like "Oh, he's going to be disqualified," as though it's a figure skating contest.
WATTERS: D.Q.
KENNEDY: Are you saying he's going to be impeached somehow? Or that he's younger than 35 and -- or he was born in Guam? Like, what is the disqualification?
WATTERS: That would be funny, if Trump wasn't born in America --
KENNEDY: You were born in Kenya.
WATTERS: -- after all that.
KENNEDY: Yes. And the other thing is, you know, there are those on the left who make fun of conservatives for talking about -- and libertarians -- for talking about the deep state. And they say that people who talk that way are conspiracy theorists when they conflate "what if" with "what is."
And they talk about these things, and they paint these fantasies, like, "Well, what if the president doesn't leave the Oval Office? And he's like Boris Yeltsin 2020, and he's barricaded himself in; and he has to be extracted with Crisco and the military." And they're talking about it as though it's the worst thing in the world, and it's always happening right now.
The same thing we're seeing with Matthew Whitaker. They're talking about Matthew Whitaker as though he's already punched Robert Mueller in the face and singlehandedly shut down the investigation.
ORTAGUS: And that's an amazing point, because these are the -- coming from the people who actually haven't accepted the outcome of the election that are saying this.
I mean, anyway, we've got to go. Stay right there. "Wild Card Wednesday" is next.
GUTFELD: Yay! Woo!
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: All right. Since Dana Perino, if that's her real name, isn't here today, I'm taking over her duties on "Wild Card Wednesday."
(MUSIC)
GRAPHIC: SLOT MACHINE
GUTFELD: Hey, you got a little too soon (ph) on that. So we've got -- yes, let's get past this. We've got a lot of people who haven't played this before, but we each pick a topic and we put it in this hat. None of us know each other's story. First up.
WATTERS: Oh, man, where's Dana?
GUTFELD: "Dear Greg, I love you. Call me. Kilmeade."
KENNEDY: Greg!
GUTFELD: This is a great story. Monopoly for Millennials. Hasbro's just released this game. It's Monopoly for Millennials. So instead of collecting cash or paying rent and buying property, you collect experience points --
KENNEDY: Oh, God.
GUTFELD: -- by visiting places like your friend's couch, the vegan bistro, and a weeklong meditation retreat. The player who collects the most experience chips, not the one with the most money, wins. Is this for real, Kennedy? Is this a prank?
KENNEDY: I think it is for real. I think that is -- that is absolutely true, and it's one of the clumsy ways that corporate America is trying to - -
GUTFELD: Yes.
KENNEDY: -- embrace the less-than-greatest generation.
GUTFELD: Geraldo, you're almost a millennial.
RIVERA: My shoes are millennial. I think that Kennedy hits -- hits it right on target. To try to appeal to a slackard [SIC] or someone who lacks ambition or vision by offering up an activity that lacks vision or requires energy, I think is doomed to failure. I think it's a terrible idea. It's insulting to millennials, and it's hard to --
GUTFELD: I thought millennials were a cookie, Morgan.
ORTAGUS: What I like about this game is --
KENNEDY: If a frog (ph) still remembers --
ORTAGUS: -- is $19.82, which is supposed to be the year that millennials started, which is the year I was born.
GUTFELD: Wow.
ORTAGUS: The Monopoly guy on the front is taking a selfie, and I'm so obnoxious with selfies. So I think this game is awesome, so screw all of you guys.
GUTFELD: Yes. Will you play it?
WATTERS: Yes, I played it last weekend, actually, against my 7-year-old daughter, and she beat me.
GUTFELD: Wow.
RIVERA: Was she bored?
WATTERS: She'd buy -- what?
RIVERA: She was bored, and you were totally engaged.
WATTERS: I was totally engaged. She bought everything she landed on. That is the trick to Monopoly. You just buy everything, and then you build.
RIVERA: Millennials have no money to buy.
WATTERS: I was selective.
GUTFELD: All right, let's pick another one. I already did. Ooh. Study: men with beards are more attractive than men who are clean-shaven. They asked 8,500 women to rate men on their attractiveness as a long-term romantic partner, and men with beards turned out to be the top choice. I'm suspicious. It indicates a male's ability to successfully compete socially with other males for resources and is associated with masculine social dominance.
Morgan, do you agree? Disagree?
ORTAGUS: I think it depends on the guy. Some guys look better with beards, and not --
GUTFELD: What about women? I mean, this is the most sexist study on the planet.
ORTAGUS: Beard or no beard doesn't bother me. The thing that bothers me that I think is, like, the unsexiest thing ever --
GUTFELD: What?
ORTAGUS: -- is the male, like, top bun. So gross.
GUTFELD: Yes, the man bun.
ORTAGUS: The man bun.
GUTFELD: The dork knob.
ORTAGUS: Yes. I would never date a guy with a man bun.
GUTFELD: Kennedy, did you ever date a guy with a beard? Not a guy who had a beard but a guy with a beard.
KENNEDY: I've been a beard, and that was fun.
I actually -- I agree with this. Growing up in Oregon, there's something - -
GUTFELD: Lumberjacks.
KENNEDY: You know, and nowadays, young men are not really taught how to be men. They're taught to be ashamed of their toxic masculinity, and so women are longing very much for a guy who can do something with his hands.
GUTFELD: That's an interesting point, like, Geraldo, that facial hair somehow reminds women of a bygone era of masculinity.
RIVERA: Well, that may be, but I think that beards really came into vogue --
KENNEDY: Like Lady Chatterley's lover.
RIVERA: -- because men have such bad hair, and they want to distract from what's on top of their head.
GUTFELD: That's a very male way of -- yes.
RIVERA: With something on their chin.
GUTFELD: That's exactly.
RIVERA: Every time I see a beard, that's the first thing I think. This guy's trying to, you know, divert our attention.
GUTFELD: What about you, Jesse?
WATTERS: Yes, I can't grow a beard. This is about three weeks right here. But I've never had any problems in that department. So I don't think it really matters.
GUTFELD: Never had any problems. All right. I have -- ooh.
KENNEDY: That is the second time you've said that on this show, by the way.
GUTFELD: I don't want to do that one.
WATTERS: So true.
GUTFELD: Let's do this one. All right, all right. I'll play by the rules, OK. Pilots saw a very bright UFO streaking over Ireland. Could it be aliens?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: There appears to be multiple objects following the same sort of trajectory. It appeared to be very bright from where we were.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It came up to our left-hand side and then rapidly veered to the north. We just saw a bright light, and then it just disappeared at a very high speed.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Even -- Brits, even when they're talking about UFOs, the British sound so smart.
WATTERS: I find this more believable because they see it and they talk about it with a British accent. So it sounds like MI-6.
GUTFELD: Yes.
WATTERS: It sounds like this is actually happening.
RIVERA: I saw UFOs.
GUTFELD: Really?
RIVERA: I was totally wasted at the time. In the Bahamas.
GUTFELD: You know, I saw UFO, and I was wasted. Great band.
KENNEDY: I saw UTFO. They were great.
I actually believe this. And I think now there's so much political chaos and so much frightening instability that it would be the perfect time for aliens.
GUTFELD: For an alien invasion.
KENNEDY: Yes, like, we've been so softened to expect anything.
RIVERA: It's not the -- is that the caravan story?
GUTFELD: We've got to go.
WATTERS: Build a wall!
ORTAGUS: I 100 percent believe in aliens, for sure.
GUTFELD: Really?
ORTAGUS: Yes. Absolutely. Think about how big, like, the multiple universes, planets, solar systems.
GUTFELD: Oh, Morgan, it's not that big. I've been around.
ORTAGUS: Yes.
GUTFELD; "One More Thing," up next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
WATTERS: Time now for "One More Thing."
So the other day, on Monday, I was at Stetson University down there in Florida, speaking at the Young Americas Foundation chapter down there. There I am dazzling the crowd.
KENNEDY: Great hair, Jesse.
WATTERS: Yes. It was a huge crowd, around the block. It's so big, the crowd, we can't even show you. That's the chapter.
RIVERA: Isn't that them?
WATTERS: Right there. The crowd was about twice that size.
And then tonight, I'll be there on Martha with "Wednesdays with Watters." There it is.
All right. Greg Gutfeld is next.
GUTFELD: All right. My podcast is up. You go to FOXNewsPodcast.com. It's an interview with a retired New York Police Department detective, Anthony Favara. He spent 32 years dealing specifically with -- what would you call it, disturbed individuals? And so we talk about the difference between bad and mad people.
RIVERA: Ah, good.
GUTFELD: Now it's time for this.
GRAPHIC: Greg's Can of Beans News
GUTFELD: "Greg's Can of Beans News"! Let's roll this tape. I want to show you an interesting way to open a can of beans.
Here we have a person using -- I would not recommend doing this, but apparently, this person is trying to open a can with a knife. And it looks like it's successful, but I would not do this. I would probably find an alternative way to open up this can of beans, especially when you notice...
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(MAN OPENS CAN OF BEANS WITH KNIFE, THEN TURNS LID AND THE POP TOP BECOMES VISIBLE)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: Oh!
ORTAGUS: If you had a beard, you could open this.
WATTERS: All right, very good. Kennedy.
KENNEDY: I think this is so wonderful. So we talked about the wild fires in California and the firefighters who are being sent in from different states.
There is a group of comfort dogs that have gathered in Irvine, California, at Cal State Lutheran. Ruthie, Emma, Cubby, Jacob, Hannah, and Lois, the LCC K-9 Comfort Dogs are doing a wonderful job. They stood with their handlers to wave on those incredible firefighters and give them hugs and kisses. Because even these brave heroes who are going to save lives and homes and property, they still need snuggles from the greatest animals on earth. Which are not cats.
GUTFELD: Oh! Unnecessary!
WATTERS: Oh.
(CROSSTALK)
ORTAGUS: I don't know, man.
WATTERS: All right. E-mail Kennedy.
Morgan.
ORTAGUS: OK, so last night I was in one of my favorite cities in America, Nashville. And my friends, Chris Distefano and Kelley Lovelace, who are country music singers, they have over 40 No. 1 -- they write country music songs. So they have over 40 No. 1's between the two of them.
GUTFELD: Wow.
ORTAGUS: We went to an event last night for the Tomahawk Foundation. We raised over $400,000. Tomahawk supports the families of Special Operations, especially someone who has injured, who has been killed in combat.
So last night we had a ton of military, tons of Special Operations, friends of mine in the room, lots of country music which made it even better. And so everybody should check out Tomahawk, and happy to support them. And I love you, Nashville.
WATTERS: Dogs and country music. I feel like Dana is here. Greg.
GUTFELD: All we need a story on Avenatti.
RIVERA: We're not going to talk about that. I'm not, I'm not.
But you know, my state, my new home state of Ohio, and New York, many parts of the country grappling with the awful opioid epidemic, heroin epidemic, fentanyl and so forth; over 70,000 dead.
We get some small measure of revenge at a trial that has just begun out in Brooklyn in federal court. El Chapo, Joaquin Guzman, the notorious head of the Sinaloa drug cartel, is on trial right now.
This is two years, about two and a half years, after he escaped through one of the most amazing tunnels -- that's his life. I've got to tell you about her. But I went through this tunnel. I covered it for "Hannity." It's a mile long, precisely directed, went right -- not only did they get into the prison, they got into El Chapo's cell, they got in the one point of El Chapo's cell where the surveillance camera couldn't see what they were doing.
GUTFELD: Reminds me of a colonoscopy.
RIVERA: But his biggest -- but his biggest -- his biggest achievement was Emma Coronel Aispuro, his beautiful wife, in court with him. But he can't touch her.
WATTERS: That was his biggest achievement?
RIVERA: Yes.
WATTERS: OK, Geraldo.
KENNEDY: I remember when you (ph) dated beauty queens.
WATTERS: Set your DVRs. Never miss an episode of "The Five." "Special Report" is up next with Bret Baier.
BRET BAIER, FOX NEWS: Thanks, Jesse.
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