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If you've seen video of Joe Biden mumbling in public recently — and we bet you have — there's probably not anything we could tell you tonight that's going to surprise you.  

Would you be shocked to learn that Joe Biden recently got lost in his own bedroom? That he introduced a table lamp as his wife? That he bragged to the Japanese prime minister about saving Marie Antoinette's life during a cavalry charge in the Crimean War? Probably not. Now, we can't say that any of these things actually happened, but they could have. They're entirely plausible and if you think that's a mean thing to say, don't worry, Joe Biden will never know.  

At this point, other people are not real to Joe Biden. He lives in a world of ghosts and fog shrouded memories, but you knew that because you've seen the tape. Maybe the only thing that would surprise you about Joe Biden, 15 months into his presidency, is learning that he plans to run for reelection. Now, that would be outlandish, impossible really, ridiculous. 

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Joe Biden, Jill Biden

President Joe Biden blows his whistle for the start of a race during the White House Easter Egg Roll, Monday, April 18, 2022, in Washington. (AP Photo/Andrew Harnik)

Where Joe Biden is somehow able to stay in the White House, he would be 86 years old by the end of his second term. Do the math on that. Even now, at 79, past the life expectancy of the average American man, Joe Biden can barely speak English and that is not a trend that will improve with time.  

What kind of president would Joe Biden be by the year 2028? You shudder to think about that, though you can bet that more Botox and hair plugs would not improve him. The whole idea is grotesque. Weekend at Bernie's White House Edition. It's an insult to the principle of self-government, but that doesn't mean it's not coming. According to a piece this week in The Hill newspaper, Joe Biden has confided in his old boss, Barack Obama, that he does in fact plan to run for reelection. 

Joe Biden believes he is "the only one who can beat Donald Trump," which, if nothing else, suggests that Joe Biden believes he beat Donald Trump the first time. "Hey, guys, I got 81 million votes. Maybe I'll get 500 million next time." So how did Barack Obama respond to that? Well, The Hill newspaper didn't say. We do know that earlier this month, Obama referred to Joe Biden as "vice president," so you can guess.  

THE BIDEN GIG IS UP 

Obama never hid the fact that he didn't like or respect Joe Biden. Obama thought Biden was fake and incompetent, old, White and annoying, and that was 10 years ago. So, you can imagine how Obama feels about the prospect of an 86-year-old President Joe Biden. Now, Michelle Obama, by contrast, will have just turned 60 by the time the next presidential election rolls around. So clearly it's her turn.  

It's not just Obama who feels this way, a lot of Democrats agree. Just for the sake of amusement this morning we tried to find a Democratic Party official who be willing to go on the record to endorse a second Joe Biden candidacy and we couldn't find a single one. Now, keep in mind, these are the same people who are delighted to tell you that you can change your biological sex just by wishing it so, like Dorothy clicking her heels at Oz. Boom, you're transgender now. 

 They consider that believable. Yet they will not tell you that Joe Biden should be president again. A Biden reelection campaign is just too absurd, even for them. It strains credulity past the breaking point. Joe Biden? Come on. That's the consensus in Washington tonight and for once it is correct. So given that, now you know what is going on with the news media. Joe Biden's most loyal constituency has turned on him with a vengeance. After getting the mannequin elected, the White House press corps is telling you night after night he's a loser. Why are they saying this? Because they don't want to run again. They know he will lose. 

THE GLOVES ARE NOW OFF OF BIDEN’S QUIET EDUCATION RADICALISM 

CNN reminded you Joe Biden is now less popular than most sexually-transmitted diseases.

HARRY ENTEN, CNN SENIOR DATA REPORTER: These numbers kind of differ. They range from the low 30s to the low 40s. Low 40s is not good, either, but what's key is the lowest are tied for the low for the pollster. Lowest here (pointing Quinnipiac poll). Lowest here (pointing to Hart poll). This is one point off the lowest (Pointing to Ipsos poll). Lowest here (Pointing to CBS poll). And when you have three of four pollsters showing the lowest numbers for the president United States, that is indicative of a president who is in a lot of trouble, at least to where he is standard historically. This is the lowest for anyone who is elected to the presidency and didn't get up there through the vice presidency. This is a really, really, really bad number.  

OK, so that's one piece of tape, but it's not just a single, oily poll reader on CNN. Pretty much every media outlet in the country is saying the same things. They've gone beyond reading the terrible poll numbers, and now they're agreeing with the terrible poll numbers. Here's chief Biden toady Chuck Todd of NBC "news" turning on his former patron live on television. It's like a scene from The Godfather. Ooh, the betrayal. 

CHUCK TODD:  Folks, it's one thing for a Trump judge to strike down an order from the Biden White House, but it's an entirely different thing for the White House to let it happen without any legal pushback and it's not the first time recently that something hasn't gone the White House's way. They don't fight back. They don't defend their rationale. The Biden administration, with the full power and prestige of the presidency with his party's power in Congress on the line this November, has repeatedly looked as if they're easy to roll.  

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Oh, they're easy to roll. Of course, they're easy to roll. No one respects the old guy. He is past his prime. Ignore him, he's napping and that was Joe Biden's biggest fan talking. Chuck Todd is the guy who once informed you it was immoral not to vote for the dementia patient from Delaware.  

"This is a national emergency. Suspend disbelief. Ignore what you see. Don't call Joe Biden senile. That's a hate crime. It's ageism." And the shouting works. It always works. So, for a while, almost nobody said the obvious. Of course, everybody knew it. It was impossible not to know it. 

WASHINGTON POST SLAMS BIDEN’S FAILED PROMISE TO UKRAINIAN REFUGEES: ‘EMBARASSMENT TO AMERICA’ 

U.S. President Joe Biden and first lady Jill Biden arrive on Air Force One at Cornwall Airport Newquay, near Newquay, England, ahead of the G7 summit in Cornwall, early Thursday, June 10, 2021. 

U.S. President Joe Biden and first lady Jill Biden arrive on Air Force One at Cornwall Airport Newquay, near Newquay, England, ahead of the G7 summit in Cornwall, early Thursday, June 10, 2021.  (Phil Noble/Pool Photo via AP)

In case you've forgotten, here's what Joe Biden looked like during the last presidential campaign:  

PRESIDENT BIDEN: Look, tomorrow's super Thursday, Tuesday, and I want to thank you all. I tell you what, I'm rushing ahead, aren't I? 

PRESIDENT BIDEN: 150 million people have been killed since 2007, when Bernie voted to exempt the gun manufacturers from liability.  

PRESIDENT BIDEN:  They would put 720 million back million women back in the workforce. 

PRESIDENT BIDEN:  Nobody should be in jail for a nonviolent crime.  

PRESIDENT BIDEN:  My name's Joe Biden. I'm a Democratic candidate for the United States Senate. 

PRESIDENT BIDEN: What's not to like about Vermont in terms of the beauty of it? And what a neat town. 

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PRESIDENT BIDEN: Play the radio. Make sure the television, excuse me, make sure you have the record player on at night.  

PRESIDENT BIDEN: Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as White kids. 

PRESIDENT BIDEN:  We choose science over fiction. We choose truth over facts.  

PRESIDENT BIDEN:  Think about it. We hold these truths to be self-evident. All men and women are created by go, you know, you know the thing.  

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"You know, the thing," and indeed we did know the thing. We recognize the thing immediately. It's called galloping dementia. It's a very sad thing. It's coming for a lot of us. On the other hand, a lot of us are not the president of the United States. Leaders of big countries have to be able to think clearly. Joe Biden couldn't do that. He has not been able to do that for years now, but you would never know the truth about Joe Biden from the news coverage that surrounded and protected him for more than a year.  

Here's a representative sample of the happy talk you saw on night after night on television. You'll notice if you listen carefully to it that it has a strained, almost desperate quality to it. They knew they were lying, but they didn't think they had a choice. "Dad's not drunk again. He's just really tired." Watch.  

DON LEMON:  How refreshing, how human, how compassionate, how American.  

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CHRIS CUOMO: Biden tried to lift our spirits with a medicinal message about recovering our sense of collective cause. Certainly, it was healing.  

VAN JONES: He didn't say, "You need me." He said, "I need you." "I need you.' I mean, my God, that is. Isn't that it?  

AMANDA CARPENTER: People always talk about the feeling of the relief they have hearing Biden, but what he's doing now soars above that.  

PSAKI RULES OUT BIDEN ADMIN DELAYING TITLE 42 REMOVAL AS ANOTHER DEM BREAKS 

President Joe Biden

U.S. President Joe Biden delivers remarks on the bipartisan infrastructure law on April 19, 2022 in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. (Scott Eisen/Getty Images)

DON LEMON:  What the president is saying is, "Help is on the way. We're all in this together. I need your help. We're all Americans.' Woo. Hallelujah.  

Hallelujah. So no, ladies and gentlemen, Joe Biden isn't staring blankly off into the middle distance. He is not reading lists of cliches he couldn't possibly understand. No, not at all. That's not what you're seeing here. Joe Biden is emoting. He's healing. He's soaring on the rhetoric of Pericles above a grateful nation, propelled aloft by gentle zephyrs of hope. That's what Joe Biden is doing. Oh, please. 

 Why couldn't they just tell us the truth? We saw it ourselves. It might have helped. If the media had been honest before the election, Mark Zuckerberg might not have dropped $419 million to swing the outcome of the election and this would be a different country, but it's too late now. We're stuck with him. So here he is. This is from a televised event this fall. You'll notice, among other things, that Biden is holding out his hands like a doll for no obvious reason.  

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ANDERSON COOPER: Just in terms of inflation, because you had told us at a Town Hall, I think it was in July that it was just near-term inflation. The Wall Street Journal recently talked to like 67 financial experts who said that they saw high inflation going all the way, or deep into 2022.  

That was from a CNN special. It's a full hour designed, produced, to showcase Joe Biden's strengths and his fundamental awesomeness. Now imagine what he must be like around the office, where there are no cameras or special injections from the White House physicians to clear his head. It's got to be Thanksgiving at the rest home, with Biden sitting alone making designs in his mashed potatoes. His coworkers are clearly worn out by this, if not affirmatively sick of the whole thing. Watch what happened at the White House earlier this month and remember, that virtually everyone in the room works for Joe Biden, but they're ignoring him anyway.  

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 So that's the polite version of what happened that day. Here's the scene moments later with Barack Obama, the rudest president in American history. Obama never liked Joe Biden and he's hardly going to start pretending to now.   

We could play clip, after clip, after clip. We've got a whole montage of Joe Biden referring to Kamala Harris as the president of the United States. Spoiler alert: she's not, but why belabor it? The whole thing's depressing. You get it. Everyone gets it. The Democratic Party installed Joe Biden in a last desperate effort to stop the economic populism of Bernie Sanders and then in the general election, in an effort to silence the uncontrollable talking of Donald Trump.  

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Biden delivers remarks from the White House

President Joe Biden delivers remarks on the debt ceiling during an event in the State Dining Room of the White House, Monday, Oct. 4 in Washington.  (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

To be clear, permanent Washington never feared what Donald Trump would do. They were just pretending to fear that. What actually legitimately terrified them was what Donald Trump might say. What if Trump started noting obvious things and then the whole system came tumbling down? That could happen. Words are the one thing you can't take back, so it was not worth the risk to keep Trump. It absolutely had to be Joe Biden.  

They assume Joe Biden will be grateful for the promotion, a ceremonial retirement gig, one last government signature before the end, but somewhere along the way, things changed as they often do. Joe Biden forgot the terms of the deal. He started running up to microphones and pretending to be president. At a certain point, the kabuki went to his head, and then he decided he might actually run for reelection. "What the hell? I got 81 million votes the first time." For the Democratic Party, this was disaster. Frankenstein had escaped the lab, so they had to take him out, and now they are.  

This article was adapted from Tucker Carlson's opening monologue on the April 20, 2022 edition of "Tucker Carlson Tonight."