Mommy, what’s Miley Cyrus doing to that teddy bear?

Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga’s raunchiest VMA moments

With a nude bikini and a foam finger, Miley Cyrus gave Lady Gaga a run for her money. The two singers were easily the most provocative performers at the MTV Video Music Awards on Aug. 25, 2013. 

MTV should consider changing the name of their annual music awards program from the VMAs to the STDs.

Sunday night’s internationally televised broadcast set a new low for filth and debauchery even by MTV’s standards.

It was a great big freak show celebrating all that is wrong with American culture and it was targeted at American school children.

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“MTV has once again succeeded in marketing sexually charged messages to young children using former child stars and condom commercials – while falsely rating this program as appropriate for kids as young as 14,” said Dan Isett, of the Parents Television Council. “This is unacceptable.”

It seemed as though every other commercial during the VMAs featured a naked man and woman peddling condoms.

The show itself was a cavalcade of behavior that would have made even the mayors of Sodom and Gomorrah blush.

Lady Gaga opened the MTV show dressed in what appeared to be a nun’s costume. But she quickly shed her clothing and unveiled a get-up that included two strategically-placed sea shells. She then paraded around the stage with a bouquet of flowers protruding from her private parts.

Miss Gaga is no lady.

But her sexcapades paled in comparison to those of Miley Cyrus. She delivered a performance that would make even street corner harlots blush.

The former Disney darling tore off her clothes and danced around in nude-colored panties while doing unmentionable things with giant dancing teddy bears.

It was indeed possible that boys and girls across the nation were collectively asking their parents, “Mommy, what is Miley Cyrus doing to that teddy bear?”

The answer dear readers, involves something called "twerking." It’s a sexually provocative form of dancing that involves lots of jiggling. Google it.

I’m sure her momma and daddy were so proud, but it was a sad day in Pooh Corner.

And when she wasn’t simulating relations with a stuffed animal, Miss Cyrus was incessantly scratching her nether-regions. I’m sure the drug store has an ample supply of creams and ointments to remedy her ailment.

Bless her heart.

The folks at the Parents Television Council were none too happy with Miley’s dirty dancing.

“MTV continues to sexually exploit young women by promoting acts that incorporate ‘twerking’ in a nude-colored bikini,” Isett said. “How is this image of former child star Miley Cyrus appropriate for 14-year-olds? How is it appropriate for children to watch Lady Gaga strip down to a bikini in the opening act?”

The Parents Television Council has a right to be offended – as do the many parents who allowed their children to watch a show that was supposed to be friendly to younger views.

But it’s no surprise that MTV prefers to peddle what amounts to be pornography to the nation’s next generation.

It’s no wonder that families are turning off MTV and turning on shows like Duck Dynasty –- a program that proves American thirsts for shows that are family-friendly.

Honestly, it’s probably a good thing the "Duck Dynasty" gang was not invited to emcee the VMAs.

Uncle Si would’ve taken one look at Lady Gaga’s flower thong and he would’ve grabbed a weed whacker.