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Happy Monday everybody. I'm back! You lucky people. I'm back. Yeah, I took a week off. Nothing helps me relax like a few days of court-ordered community service. But you know what didn't take a day off or a week off? Trans. It's everywhere. You notice that? It's everywhere! And man, is it starting to get boring. I miss the good old days when the men who dressed as women were real men. We called them cross-dressers. Or in some case, Dad. But now they're just screaming stupid babies, right? Here's woman swimmer Riley Gaines, an actual woman, at SF State being attacked by a morose mob. 

VIDEO OF TRANS ACTIVISTS SCREAMING AT RILEY GAINES 

That was fun. Lovely people. Riley spoke out because she feared men invading her private spaces and attacking her. Way to prove her wrong fellas. So what was Riley's crime? Defending female athletes who got shoved aside by Lia Thomas, a biological male whose shoulders are wider than Joy Behar's ass. 

Now the school actually released a statement praising the rioters for their bravery. So men claiming to be gals gang up on a woman who dared to disagree with them, and the school sides with the mob, not her. If that's what the modern left considers feminism, I might start wearing a bra again. Gloria Steinem must be rolling in her grave, but I think she's alive. There was another riot in the Tennessee House of Reps last week where two Dems were expelled for their role in a chaotic gun control protest inside the Capitol building. Remember, when Dems didn't like riots in government buildings? These people are more full of s*** than my hamster cage after Taco Tuesdays. That's weird cause I don't even have a hamster. And why did those idiots take part in that riot? Because a trans massacred six people, including three children. But as if on cue, Dems made themselves the victims and then, of course, called everyone a racist. So now you got the press more outraged over the injustice to the spotlight chasers than actual victims. And that brings us to another performance artist of the moment. 

NIKE RESPONDS TO BACKLASH OVER DYLAN MULVANEY PARTNERSHIP, INSTRUCTS CUSTOMERS TO ‘BE KIND, BE INCLUSIVE’

Pee Wee her/him, aka Dylan Mulvaney, the new spokesperson Bud Light hopes will reach consumers who'd never drink their product otherwise known as fans of decent beer. Nike, Bud Light, Kate Spade are a few brands paying this spinstrel to do this girls are dumb act. I mean, I understand Bud Light because if a guy drinks that beer he's half a woman already. I drink it. And this cloying Audrey Hepburn rip off happens to be paying off. She's even selling sports bras to women, which seems unfair to women. I mean, it's a weird choice. A guy to sell bras. It's like hiring Brian Stelter as a model for men's health. 

It's like hiring Don Lemon for Tampax. For women not past their prime. It's as bad as hiring The View for Victoria's Secret or Kevin Spacey for the Boy Scouts. Seriously, imagine you're White pretending to be a Black person in order to attract them to your product. I'm sorry, Rachel Dolezal. I don't think you'll be picking up endorsement deals like the others. But what a win for Nike. Someone who identifies as a woman selling shoes made by people who identify as children. But you've got to ask, why is this happening all at once, way out of proportion to the percentage of trans in the general population? It's like you're watching a civil rights movement at a thousand times this speed, but minus the civil part. One of the reasons? The Corporate Equality Index, it's a social credit score given to businesses by the Human Rights Campaign and LGBTQ lobbying group. They keep track of woke brownie points and issue report cards and criteria like supporting an inclusive culture and trans restroom policies. Watch this Bud Light exec throw her consumers under the keg. 

ANHEUSER-BUSCH DISTRIBUTORS IN HEARTLAND, SOUTH ARE ‘SPOOKED’ BY BACKLASH TO DYLAN MULVANEY PACT: REPORT

VIDEO OF BUD LIGHT'S VICE PRESIDENT OF MARKETING: This brand is in decline. It's been in decline for a really long time. And if we do not attract young drinkers to come and drink this brand, there will be no future for Bud Light. Like we need to evolve and elevate. What does evolve and elevate mean? It means inclusivity. Bud Light had been kind of a brand of fratty, kind of out-of-touch humor, and it was really important that we had another approach.

Yeah. So apparently not enough men are drinking Bud Light. And instead of maybe asking why, this bozo goes woke and why? Because she's lucky. Her metrics of success aren't about making a profit. Instead, it's performance. As in pretending, acting, signaling, faking it. She may have killed their brand, but maybe that's the point. So this is really a performance movement, which is what all wokeism is. Of course, nobody believes a man can become a woman just by declaring it so. Any more than believing can raise my height at six foot five from six foot two. But you don't have to believe in anything. Just say it's so and if people don't applaud with tears in their eyes, then they're all bigots. 

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Oh, I got tears in my eyes all right. From laughing at men who look like linebackers wearing backless sundresses. And that's the other point. Fact is, only a few people can pull off this trick. All the wannabe Dylan Mulvaney's on TikTok aren't fortunate enough to be adopted by corporations or have all this money for surgery, so they dye their hair purple, throw on a dress and say I'm a woman. If only it were that easy.