Greg Gutfeld: The wokesters are coming
'Gutfeld!' panelists discuss how 'wokeness' has seeped through American culture.
Happy Monday, everybody. You know, we talk a lot about the woke and why not? They're fun to talk about. They're so ugly. In a way, it's fun to talk about any clueless group, whether they're extreme vegans or Maroon five or Fox and Friends hosts.
Also, the woke are just fun to watch.
VIDEO MONTAGE: Pregnant person or person that could become pregnant. Can you provide a definition for the word woman? I can't. You can't? Not in this context, I'm not a biologist. But what you cannot do is to label a person illegal. There is no such thing as an illegal human. I am Kamala Harris. My pronouns are she and her and I'm a woman sitting at the table wearing a blue suit.
Ahhh! But there's more than one kind of woke. If you define woke, it's someone who's awake, perhaps with an angrier consciousness. Of course, they have to share this newfound rage with everyone as they seek to infect every crevice of society with their unbridled ignorance. The woke had a few good years now to undo society, attacking traditional family structures, societal safety and security. But like Jamie Lissow at his own home, it's no longer welcome. And it's created a rebound woke which is come in the shape of something monstrous, powerful and really scary. Some people do call it a birthing person, but we still call them mom.
VIDEO: Introducing moms gone wild volume six. It's the hottest collection of fierce females fighting for their kids jam-packed onto one VHS tape. All your favorite anti-woke warriors are here like moms fighting leftist school boards, moms fighting for fair sports, moms fighting to keep drag queens out of the library and moms fighting to keep boys out of the girls' bathroom. Plus, tons of hot tennis moms, hot yoga moms and hot construction worker moms. We even have hot grandmas. It's the hot moms. Hot moms. Wow. That's awesome. It's mom's gone wild. And if you call now, we'll throw in the sexiest hot tub dads.
Dads. Oh, the things I did for money. But true moms are back belligerent and buzzed on watermelon margaritas. But first, let's look how the woke first targeted them. First, they said men can get pregnant. That's total B.S. I've tried many times. I just don't have the hips for it. The woke also maintain men can have periods, which is baloney, too. The closest I've come to having a period is spilling marinara on my khakis.
University of Pennsylvania transgender athlete Lia Thomas swims in a preliminary heat for the 500 meter freestyle at the NCAA Swimming and Diving Championships Thursday, March 17, 2022, at Georgia Tech in Atlanta. ____ Transgender woman Lia Thomas (L) of the University of Pennsylvania stands on the podium after winning the 500-yard freestyle as other medalists (L-R) Emma Weyant, Erica Sullivan and Brooke Forde pose for a photo at the NCAA Division I Women's Swimming & Diving Championshipon March 17, 2022 in Atlanta, Georgia. (AP Photo/John Bazemore | Justin Casterline/Getty Images)
They also say men can compete against your daughters in sports, but this apparently only goes one-way. Trans women can swim and wrestle. But good luck seeing trans men in the NBA. Follow the money and the trans experiment dries up like my elbows in January. Meanwhile, look at the biological man who barged into women's sports and women's locker rooms. That's masculinity more toxic than anything Kamala's husband can point to. And he lives with a cackling chemical spill.
Third, they believe the relationship between mother and child could be intruded upon by a stranger and not even one in a van. It's one with an agenda under the guise of right to privacy, meaning you have no idea that a teacher fresh out of college who's soaked in oppression lingo and hair dye can imprint his/hers/them/theys on your kids and parents shall not be informed. Right to privacy is code for 'don't tell Mom and Dad that for dodgeball we now throw ****.'
They claim it takes a village to raise your child and they're just the village idiots to do it. And so wokeness became a political mutation of Munchhausen by proxy, where people suffering from a manufactured delusion transfer it onto children for attention, sympathy and now tenure. So I'm now non-binary and you are too. I believe the planet is about to die and so shall you. I have more nose rings than a shower curtain. So shall you. I have more face piercings than someone who tried to commit suicide with buckshot. And so will you.
It transfers a mind virus from one infected person to another. And the newly infected has no immune system for it because it is a child. But there is an effective booster for it. It's called an angry mom, and it's perfect for fighting the wokeness. True, moms might make you cringe, but that's what moms do. But so do third-graders being forced to look at a drag queen's suspicious package. So this new woke are Republican moms, independent moms. And over time, more and more Democrat moms and some of these women, God forbid, have become governors.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders, governor of Arkansas, speaks while unveiling the Arkansas LEARNS education bill at the Arkansas State Capitol in Little Rock, Arkansas, US, on Wednesday, Feb. 8, 2023. Sanders said Americans are "under attack in a left-wing culture war" in the Republican response to the State of the Union on Tuesday, drawing on themes pushed by Donald Trump in his third run for the White House.
VIDEO OF ARKANSAS GOV. SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS: Our new Education Freedom account allows parents to enroll their kids in whatever school is most appropriate for their family. And within three years, it'll be available to every family in Arkansas.
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So that's a governor, but more importantly, a mom. And she's governing like a mom, not a nanny. So is this new woke more appealing than the old woke? Well, obviously they're better looking. But also moms are not united or tricked by the abstractions of pronouns and hate speech. It's all about practical concerns concerning a struggle, for the minds of their own children. That's worth waking up for. And our moms never let anybody sleep late. And these moms won't either. So they're at the school board meetings, at protests, at rallies. They're here to hand out snacks and kick ass, and they're fresh out of trail mix.
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