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So, have you noticed how great things are going in America? Another massive caravan coming our way, surging past Mexican forces. And surging past Mexico in general. 

You know, I feel bad for Mexico. Imagine thousands of people apparently escaping a mortal hell in total desperation. And they enter your country. And say, "no thanks, we'll keep going." Mexico must feel like everyone's first wife. 

It's really rude -  it's like asking the maître d’ of a restaurant directions to another restaurant. It’s like going up to the hostess at Applebee’s and saying: "Excuse me, do you know a place nearby that offers mainstream American dishes served in a casual dining setting, that offers pasta, burgers, and delicious riblet appetizers? And no... Not you."

That's Mexico. Everyone walking right on through like it's the hosiery department at Macy's. It's more demoralizing than not getting a rose on the bachelor. Just ask Kat.

But that's not the only problem. We don't just have inflation, but apparently hyperinflation. I asked Larry Kudlow what hyperinflation was, and he said, Greg, its inflation, but hyper. Then he punched me in the face. 

Now we've covered the rising crime rates already. The supply chain crisis continues to make lives hell. 

And there's this:

Video montage of Joe Biden bumbling during speeches and appearances

That instills confidence. It raises the question: how can you be lost in thought, when you have no thoughts?

Yep – we're in worse shape than Stelter after the holidays. (Did you know his astrological sign is egg nog?)

So what are our leaders focusing on right now? Well Friday, the White House released a 42-page plan to solve these very problems. I kid. It's to promote gender equality. Cuz that's the urgent problem. And no – not just at home, but abroad. A broad. That’s funny, a sexist would say.

Never mind the murder rate, the open border or hyperinflation here at home. There's a hostess at the IHOP in Qatar making 3 cents less than her male counterpart. Thankfully, we've already been telling the Taliban to hire more women. 

But apparently, this is to remedy an unequal playing field, one that's worsened by COVID. Which is such BS, the smell of it should be seeping out of your TV. 

So – you wanna talk COVID inequality. The global death rate for men from COVID is about 50 percent higher than women. If that statistic were reversed there would be marches - and the kind that the media would say don’t spread COVID. But 50 percent. That means for every ten women dead, there are fifteen men who croak.

In America, 65,000 more men have died than women. I bet that's the first time you heard that. And probably the last. Because, unlike me – gender equality only goes one way.

If you’re a woman who disagrees - try registering for the draft. Never mind industrial accidents and fatalities, the ravages of war, or the obvious life span gaps. Men often get the shorter stick in life, but we aren't complaining. Women however, need a national strategy to fix something that does not rate compared to the issues both genders face now under Joe. 

It's like a doctor giving a patient with diabetes a treatment for his dandruff. But it's the same old shtick. As they ignore issues that affect all of us:  crime, economy, education, flatulence on planes- they chase the easy identity-driven stuff: gender equity, racial diversity. Stuff that helps no one but diversity consultants.

It's easy to do, and like Mayor Pete, you don't have to do any work. Telling the world, we're all sexist and bigots is free. It’s the only plan the Democrats have that actually costs nothing.

Biden and Kamala Harris – you remember her, that crazy lady who cackles like a Halloween witch in a haunted house – they both wrote a letter together claiming that "rates of gender-based violence have risen significantly..." 

Really? Well, maybe that's because all violence has risen significantly. See – they only admit that the violence has gone up if they can cherry-pick the victims. But gender-based violence went up along with all kinds of violence. A rising tide of blood lifts all corpses.

But at least we’ve heard from Kamala. She disappears more often than Jesse Watters when the dinner bill comes. Meanwhile, the turmoil we see – the crime, the overdoses, the mental illness, the sexual assault in Loudoun County – they pretend doesn't exist.

But fake problems, they embrace.  Why is that? Let’s ask our angry White male.

Tom Shillue: Wow, I had no idea men were in such trouble. We’re graduating less, earning less money and dying at faster rates. Now on the positive side, I guess we have an excuse for all that heavy drinking we’re famous for. Cheers guys!

As our leaders virtue signal and solve nothing, our country rambles down an uncertain path. Like my "My Little Pony" collection, it's weird and a little scary. We have leaders who deny what we see with our own eyes. And if we don't join their phantom crusades, we are called racist or sexist... Or worse, Trump supporters.

They’ve expanded the meaning of "white supremacist" so much that it even includes Black moderates. And they’ll film you in the bathroom if you disagree, and not for the normal reasons people get filmed in bathrooms.

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Fact is, we are in tough times, but the only jobs Democrats create are in diversity and inclusion departments that divide and exclude. It would be nice to stop them. 

But they’re flying to another global warming summit in Scotland.

This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld's opening monologue on the October 26, 2021 edition of "Gutfeld!"