Greg Gutfeld: I found something worse than the Afghanistan cut and run, Biden's defense of it

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Gutfeld: Biden defends Afghanistan withdrawal in ABC News interview

'Gutfeld!' panel discusses the president's remarks following the Taliban takeover

So I was trying to think if there's anything perhaps worse than our pullout from Afghanistan. At first, Saigon pops into your head, but compared to this, that now looks like a Rockettes dress rehearsal.

But I did in fact find something worse than the Afghanistan cut and run. It’s the president's defense of it.

Stephanopoulos, Thursday: still a lot of pandemonium outside the airport.

Biden: Oh, there is. But, look, b-- but no one's being killed right now, God forgive me if I’m wrong about that, but no one's being killed right now. People are-- we got 1,000-somewhat, 1,200 out, yesterday, a couple thousand today. And it's increasing. We're gonna get those people out.

Stephanopoulos: But we've all seen the pictures. We've seen those hundreds of people packed into a C-17. You've seen Afghans falling—

Biden: that was four days ago, five days ago.

What does that even mean? It was 2 days prior not 4. I blame that damn racist math! But to be fair, who doesn’t lose track of time when you're in hiding, constantly nursing an ice cream headache.

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And as for "no one’s being killed right now..." If Joe sets the bar any lower, I’ll be able to drink at it. So it’s time once again for: "Great job there, Joe!"

So yeah, Joe's sat down in an interview with George Stephanopoulos. Joe was sitting; George was standing on a milk crate.

So, does the chaos no longer matter because it was, as he pointed out incorrectly 4 or 5 days ago? And did he get the date deliberately wrong considering the interview was pre-taped? Does he even know where he is? 

We haven’t seen a leader this asleep at the wheel since Ted Kennedy in Chappaquiddick.

What a strange, nonsensical answer. Is he really this incompetent or did he inhale too much of that spray tan?

But, every time you think Joe Biden is bad, remember what Canada has:

Justin Trudeau, Tuesday: It is exactly the example of the kind of things you need to do counter the she-cession, and turn it into a she-covery

She-cession.  She-covery. He really is full of sheet. 

Apparently, the US Number one export is no longer crude oil. It's woke stupidity. Except apparently in the Taliban, who have up to this point taken more questions than Joe Biden.

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Then there’s this pair.

Reporter, Wednesday: It sounds like you're saying this depends on diplomacy with the Taliban. That's it. That's our only option is getting them to agree to do this. 

Milley: Well, let me add something here. I mean, we've got a couple of entry control points set up north one east, one. And in a third one at abnegate, they're currently manned with consular officers, marines. This is all part of the perimeter.

Why is everyone acting like it's their first day on the job? Their entire job is to protect American citizens and yet they’re more scared of offending the political left than those we left behind.

He definitely doesn’t put the Milley in ‘mili’tary. But in defense of the general. None of this was in any of Robin DiAngelo’s books on how to be an anti-racist. 

But it sounds like Joe thinks we should have gotten out a long time ago.

Stephanopoulos, Thursday: It sounds like you think we should've gotten out a long time ago

Biden: We should've.

Stephanopoulos: And-- and accept the idea that it was gonna be messy no matter what.

Biden: Well, by the-- what would be messy?

Stephanopoulos: The exit—

Biden: If we had gotten out a long time ago-- getting out would be messy no matter when it occurred. 

Maybe he's right. But he could have tried to make it a little less messy. But it feels like the only one who can get major control over anything in this country is Britney Spears’s father.

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Joe says we anticipated all of that. Gee, I wonder if the people clinging from the side of plane were made aware of that?

He sounds like Pee-wee Herman after flying over his handlebars, declaring, "I meant to do that!" I guess the only safe and orderly exit the president could muster was the one directly after his first press conference to flee to Camp David.

But the real shocker. Afghanistan took 20 years to maintain, then fell faster than Biden in a strong wind. It's Gutfeld foreign policy 101. The first thing you need to figure out after invading a place, is how to get out of it.

Hell, any bank robber knows that. The getaway car is priority number one. It's like when I go to a biker bar -- first thing you do is look for the exit... And a good meth dealer, right Kat.

And now we have thousands of Americans there. And we, the most powerful nation on earth can't get them out. Even France is sending in teams to go door to door. France! The home of mimes!

So this moment sucks, because the whole entire things sucks. People were making billions off the war. As pointed out by journalist Matt Taibbi, the special inspector general for Afghan reconstruction found 30% of $63 billion in expenses examined was lost to fraud and waste. If the cost of the whole war was $2 trillion, the overall amount lost might be $600 billion.

So like cake at a nursing home birthday bash - everyone got a piece. Everyone except the men and women who risked their lives there. Some of them died there and the ones who are lucky enough to make it home will maybe get a pat on the head and hear "nice try, maybe next time."

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Veteran Darrell Owens said it well: "The US provided a level of stability to Afghan lives for two decades, while trying to reduce the risk of terrorism to our country. Yet this week, seemingly in an instant, Afghanistan was given back to the Taliban with barely a whimper."

So it’s no surprise according to a poll of 1.2 million vets by mission roll call, 71 percent said this debacle was a reason for personal sadness. But maybe the Taliban’s changed.

Stephanopoulos, Thursday: Do you believe the Taliban have changed?

Biden: No. I think-- let me put it this way. I think they're going through sort of an existential crisis about do they want to be recognized by the international community as being a legitimate government. // Biden: I-- I’m not sure I would've predicted, George, nor would you or anyone else, that when we decided to leave, that they'd provide safe passage for Americans to get out.

Well, that's a relief. No one predicted a safe passage from the Taliban. Donald Trump might disagree.

But if that's the case, you're saying it could’ve been far worse, but we got lucky based on the kindness of murderous strangers. Talk about having no plan. I put more prep into an "animals are great" segment, than our leaders did to give citizens and allies in Afghanistan a safe exit.

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But what if the Taliban has changed? I'd like to see their new look.

*Fake infomercial for Taliban 2.0*

So, we got problems, but it's not just the new Afghanistan, it's the old Biden. He may be woke, but he's definitely not awake.

This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld's opening monologue on the August 19, 2021 edition of "Gutfeld!"