Gutfeld: Media played up mask angle as a way to split country in half
'Gutfeld!' panel reacts to New York Times report on decreased COVID spread outdoors
You wanna hear something that's gonna blow your mind? I mean, besides the fact that it's been a week and Kat's still married? According to the New York Times -- "there is not a single documented COVID infection anywhere in the world from casual outdoor interactions, such as walking past someone on a street or eating at a nearby table." Yes, you heard that right. The New York fricken Times admits that outdoor COVID transmission is the biggest myth since Trump colluded with Russia.
Not a single documented COVID infection anywhere in the world from casual outdoor interactions. Such as dining, strolling, or giving Jesse Waters the finger. Which you should do at every opportunity. And yet, what do you see?
People outside, masked up, sometimes wearing two, others wearing face shields - as if they're about to clean Shane MacGowan's teeth--He's the singer for the Pogues. This is why I tell ya to floss Kat! She doesn’t listen.
So how did we get here? First: we were lied to. Last month the CDC told us that less than 10 percent of transmissions were from outdoors. Which is true - technically "point one percent" is less than 10 percent. And that's likely the real rate of transmission. Point one percent - not ten. That's a hundred-fold difference, I think.
But, of course, the media spread that large number like herpes in a beehive full of slutty bees. And now everyone looks like Michael Jackson impersonators in their stupid, useless masks. Jogging. On bikes. In swimming pools. It's embarrassing to be human! We all look like fools. Cuz it's pointless.
It's like wearing a seatbelt to lunch. Or a football helmet to bed. Thank God those days are behind me.
So the CDC lied to us. They made a statement they knew was technically accurate, but intended to deceive. True, a tenth of a percent is literally less than ten percent. This is like saying there are less than 10 thousand black bear attacks a year in the US. It's true, there's roughly one black bear attack a year. I bet it's the same bear and the same guy. The pervert. The worst part? The bear wasn't wearing a mask!
So the mask guidelines are quite literally, a cover-up! The CDC still says if you're unvaccinated, you should wear masks outdoors, and even the vaccinated should wear them at large events like concerts, sporting events, and "We Love Greg Gutfeld" rallies. And they're still having kids wear them at summer camp at all times. Which I’m fine with cuz I hate children but I know it’s wrong.
But apart from Operation Warp Speed, our pandemic response isn't grounded in science. It's grounded in science fiction. I wonder how our angry White male feels about this.
Tom Shillue as Angry White Male: Masks? No, I don’t wear one. Besides, that would interfere with my opera cycling.
So - even though the stats tell us otherwise - the media continues to peddle fear. Creating docile, obedient readers is their stock in trade, their business model. And when they run out of scary stats, they'll literally climb a mountain to find more.
The Washington Post just ran a piece on the spread of COVID among -- get this -- Mount Everest climbers. The press will literally go to the ends of the earth to find new places for people to be afraid of COVID. Yes, people who climb Mount Everest are at risk for COVID - as opposed to the normal way of dying on Mount Everest. Which is being impaled on a pile of frozen poop.
But the normal risk of dying on the mountain is between 0.5 and 1.1 percent. Or to put it another way, it’s somewhat less than one thousand percent. But it's higher than the death rate for a 25-year-old from COVID at any elevation. Something tells me when you're going to Nepal to find the untold story of COVID - you're getting desperate. I'm still waiting on the COVID numbers of people who live under the sea.
So why the mask lie so bad? It's another transparent deception that makes the average person skeptical about everything the government tells us about COVID. Even the true stuff. And it creates conflicts between self-righteous a--holes and the nice people they’re mask-shaming.
Video of man shaming maskless woman: I want you to know that your insensitivity is ridiculous. I no longer have grandparents due to this virus because of people like you who don't want to wear a mask in the store. It is ridiculous actually. It is insensitive and disgusting as a human being for you to show so much privilege to all of these people. There are so many older people in here who have health conditions
Woman: I am pregnant
Man: oh great - whoop dee do congratulations on your pregnancy - it is ridiculous and I want you to know that- you are on candid camera
God, I hope when that nice lady's baby is born, it grows up and beats the crap of that guy.
CLICK HERE TO GET THE FOX NEWS APP
The truth is - the media played up the mask angle, cuz they saw it as another way to split the country in half. Which is the only math they're good at--division. You wear masks - you're a patriot; don't wear them and you're a Neanderthal who’s trying to kill my grandma.
It's all to keep us angry and divided. But the truth is far different. So leave the masks off outside. Except you - the media. After lying to millions of people, I’d be hiding my face too.
This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld's opening monologue on the May 11, 2021 edition of "Gutfeld!"
Best of Opinion
Get the recap of top opinion commentary and original content throughout the week.
By entering your email and clicking the Subscribe button, you agree to the Fox News Privacy Policy and Terms of Use, and agree to receive content and promotional communications from Fox News. You understand that you can opt-out at any time.