Gutfeld: CDC issues health advisory for 'pregnant people'
'Gutfeld!' panel discusses what kind of people get pregnant after the CDC's latest advisory
The Centers for Disease Control is at it again. Yesterday, these bozos issued an urgent health advisory for pregnant people to get the covid vaccine. It was so urgent they forgot there’s a name for what kind of people get pregnant.
To them, it’s not pregnant women. Its pregnant people, which include men, as well as women, and probably some woodland creatures and a box of frogs.
And so we're supposed to believe these are medical experts? Hell, Jill Biden’s more of a doctor than these asses.
How can they completely erase the biological differences between men and women Hell, I’ve done that, but never intentionally. I was at a party and it was dark. And I didn't see the adam’s apple because of the height difference.
COVID-19 VACCINATION AMONG PREGNANT WOMEN REMAINS LOW DESPITE SEVERE RISK
Think about this.
What if you were a hardcore feminist who worked decades fighting for the rights of women. Like Gloria Steinem or Andrew Dice Clay. And after you've made all this headway – you find that the word "woman," is considered offensive.
Yep, now anyone can get pregnant! Right crazy lady?
AMaleeha Aziz, Abortion activist: As we know, people get pregnant and not just women. But I hear people over and over and over again say women get pregnant, but that’s excluding people that should be a part of this conversation.
She’s talking about pregnant men. That's a thing. Sorry, a guy should never be confused about whether his cramps are from labor pains or the chili he ate. Ma'am, please remove your jockstrap before it snaps the gynecologist in the face.
So how did we get this far? Well, it's not on you or me. It's on the cowards. The bureaucrats, the experts, the media wusses who are so scared of being called out on Twitter, they happily throw an entire gender under the bus.
Oh, we better not offend the activist class! It's not women who can get pregnant - but men too!! So let's just say people!
So if men can get pregnant, what can women do that they couldn't do in the past few hundred thousand years? Hey ladies, don't forget to get your prostate checked! And please, turn your head and cough.
The only good I see coming out of this is that men will finally know the pain of childbirth, and women will finally know that getting hit in the balls hurts a lot more.
Me - I can't wait to give birth. I just have to find out where I put the umbilical cord. I think it's in the drawer where I keep my old cable wires and phone chargers.
But the woke aren't just going after women. They're coming after your ponies. My Little Pony, to be exact. Finally, some horses they do like.
Remember those animated jerks that have the color of Pepto Bismol and the charm of a head wound? According to the New York Times - the latest "new generation" of the My Little Pony movie stages "a political awakening about tolerance, prejudices, and even fascism."
You know, the kind of hijinks kids love – If your kid wants to be in Antifa.
Apparently, the wokaholics are coming from all sides – from the medical bureaucracy, to the entertainment industry – all aimed at turning you into a mindless, docile drone.
Here's a short clip.
*Plays a quick clip of the movie*
Well, I think I just killed a million brain cells. Just a million more and I can work at CNN. Watch out Cuomo!
So - in the flick - the enlightened heroine, Sunny Starscout, "crashes a demonstration" led by a "defensive weapons manufacturer." Yes, because defensive weapons are wrong. Unlike offensive weapons which I assume is Joy Behar's voice. It's was once deemed too cruel for Gitmo.
Anyway, the movie hero "assembles an eclectic team of progressive youngsters" to fight "misinformation," with references to American politics.
Worse, talk about cultural appropriation. Who are playing these ponies? People. Not ponies. I thought this was 2020. We went to a pissed-off My Little Pony for comment.
Voiceover for a character: I’ve been in this business for 25 years. None of these voices are actual ponies. What the f***? Vanessa Hudgens is not a pony. Ken Jong is not a pony. This is anti-equine and I will f***ing sue every one of these mother f***ers.
Wow - sorry about that. Maybe this show should come with a trigger warning! Yeah - trigger warnings – remember how big those were? The written warnings to alert students of problematic material? And I'm not talking about a wool speedo. (what a bad purchase)
Recently colleges have embraced trigger warnings to keep students safe from trauma – which meant banning harmful phrases like "killing it", "take a stab at it" or "your expensive degree in women’s studies is useless."
But now researchers find that trigger warnings don't lessen negative reactions; instead, they can make it worse for people with PTSD.
So will that put an end to trigger warnings? Of course not - they'll just issue a trigger warning for a trigger warning.
And then there will be a trigger warning for a trigger warning for a trigger warning. Which makes sense.
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For one thing, everyone should get a trigger warning before they see this.
*Video of Stephen Colbert dancing to the vaccine song*
My eyes.
This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld's opening monologue on the September 30, 2021 edition of "Gutfeld!"
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