Biden puts his fate, and maybe the nation's, in the hands of Hunter

In the wake of last week’s debate debacle, President Joe Biden must face the biggest question of his long, long political career. And whose sage counsel is he seeking, according to The New York Times? Who is his Oracle of Delphi?

None other than his crack-smoking, prostitute-loving, tax cheat son, Hunter.

That’s right, the fate of the most powerful nation on earth sits in the hands of a guy who accidentally left a laptop brimming with crimes and evidence of influence peddling at a Delaware laptop repair shop.

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On Sunday, the Biden brood had a family gathering to decide if Grandpa Joe should stay in the 2024 presidential race, because, you see, this is really all about them, not the American people. We’re just here to pay for their lavish lifestyles.

Oh, to be a fly on the Camp David walls, hearing the learned Hunter Biden tell the big guy, "So what if you can only work from 10 am to 4 pm? Nighttime is for partying not politics," or some such Churchillian pearl of wisdom.

Hunter Biden is advising his father to stay in the 2024 race, according to a report. (AP Photo/Matt Slocum)

The president has long claimed that his youngest son is the smartest man that he knows. This is not only an insult to literally everyone else Joe Biden has ever met, but frankly, just a completely ludicrous statement.

Then, of course, there is Hunter’s firm moral fiber.

In one of the very few cogent lines Biden managed to utter in the debate, he said Trump had the "morals of an alley cat," for allegedly sleeping with a porn star. But Hunter IS a porn star, regularly filming himself having sex the way most of us take selfies at a birthday party.

There is also the slight matter of convicted felon Hunter’s interest in making sure his dad keeps the power to pardon him or commute his sentence. Sure, the Big Guy said he wouldn’t do that, but who knows if he even remembers that pledge?

Rest assured though, America, it is not only the former Burisma board member and influential modern artist Hunter who is in the executive cockpit, there is also Jill Biden, who every day makes Lady Macbeth look more and more like Mother Theresa.

On Monday, as the controversy over Biden’s empty noggin continued to swirl, the first lady appeared on the cover of Vogue, in gleaming white, with the caption, "We Will Decide Our Future."

President Biden, left, and first lady Jill Biden arrive at McGuire Air Force Base, Saturday, June 29, 2024, in Burlington County, New Jersey. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

With all the subtlety of a West Virginia backyard fireworks display, Jill Biden is sending a message to us peons: The Bidens come first, even if it means dragging her husband through a gauntlet of abject humiliation.

It really is starting to look like elder abuse, forcing a faltering old man into official and campaign events when he should be perusing the early bird specials at Denny’s.

Maybe it is sweet in a conniving and grifty kind of way that Biden’s family so loves and supports the head of the clan, whose "public service," also just happens to be the only source of their fabulous wealth.

A new poll shows that 72 percent of Americans think Biden should drop out of the presidential race. This is mostly owing to the fact that they have eyes and ears, so it's clear to them that he barely has the wherewithal to be a Walmart greeter, let alone leader of the free world.

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So, while it may be lovely that the White House Waltons held a family meeting and John Boy gave Pa a hug, that doesn’t change the fact that lean and hungry Democrats like Gretchen Whitmer are spinning knives like circus jugglers.

Reportedly, the Michigan governor told the Biden camp that her swing state, and likely the election, is lost if old man Joe stays on the ballot. I wonder if Gretchen has a replacement in mind?

And what of Kamala Harris? Is her loyalty to Biden so ironclad that she would forgo a chance to be the first woman ever to hold the office of president? Color me dubious on that one.

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What Machievellian machinations we may see between now and the Democratic National Convention will unfold in their own good time, but for now, Americans can feel safe and secure in one thing. The fate of the country is in Hunter and Jill Biden’s hands.

And if that doesn’t send a chill up your spine, then I don’t know what will.

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