Greg Gutfeld slams Oregon health official as 'diabolical' for claiming 'urgency is a white supremacy value'

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Gutfeld: 'Urgency' is now racism

'Gutfeld!' panelists react to reports the Oregon Health Authority (OHA) office for equity and inclusion delayed a meeting because 'urgency is a white supremacy value.'

Happy hump day, America. So do I have a great monologue tonight? The best one of the year, I think. What's the hurry? You got to be somewhere, Sandra?

SANDRA SMITH: I love the new, I love the new place.

Yeah, whatever. That's so white of you, bunch of racist. Oh, look at you, I'm important, time is money, I have places to see, people to meet, wonder bread and mayonnaise to eat. You typical bigot, always in a rush. Thank you. 

It's true. Urgency is racism, at least according to the Oregon health officials, who delayed a meeting for no other reason than stating that "urgency is a white supremacy value." As excuses go, it sounds a lot better than "the dog ate my alarm clock." 

But it raises a key question. Since my show starts on time every night, do I qualify as a grand wizard? 

A student holds up a sign against banning CRT holds up a sign as members of the Placentia-Yorba Linda Unified School Board meet in Placentia. (Photo by Leonard Ortiz/MediaNews Group/Orange County Register via Getty Images)

In an email obtained by the great magazine "Reason," regional health equity coalition program manager Danielle Droppers, great name, told folks that a scheduled conversation would not take place as planned, because urgency is a white supremacy value that can get in the way of more intentional and thoughtful work, which I assume is what she calls sleeping in and then watching "The View" from her toilet. That's how I watch it. 

OREGON PROMOTES TEACHER TRAINING THAT SEEKS TO 'UNDO RACISM IN MATHEMATICS'

So, what a happy coincidence for a government worker, that it's racist to do your job, whether it's holding a scheduled meeting or teaching children math, doing both is racist, so don't bother. That way, everyone fails, not just government. 

Now this is the Oregon Health Authority, an actual agency tasked with coordinating medical care as well as unloading COVID info during the pandemic. So it's no wonder they screwed up that state over COVID, it would have been racist not to. 

And could you use a broader brush to paint with? Blacks are never in a hurry. So when you say Bolt outruns a white guy, which is every time, is that reverse racism? "Hey Usain what's the hurry? Slow down, you're starting to run like a white guy." You know, I worry. I wonder if this stuff will ever show up at Fox.

SKIT

Now, to educate the confused on why urgency is racist, another employee pointed to a white anti-racist educator who pushes the idea that harmless traits are actually evil proof of white supremacy. Stuff like wanting to write stuff down or being a perfectionist. 

It's getting to the point where I don't understand when they use the term white supremacy. Do they mean it as an insult or a compliment? Okay, so you write stuff down. 

You seem to value time, and you want things done right. I mean, you just described the perfect employee and all the things that made this country the envy of the rest of the world. 

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Now, apparently, this is all part of diversity, inclusion and equity training materials, D.I.E. for short, which is what any company that promotes this crap will do. But you know what? This is good news for lazy, incompetent workers. He's asleep right now. Show up late, unprepared, stinking of booze, you're fighting white supremacy now. 

Looking back on it, in college I was a regular Rosa Parks. I got to admit, this is pretty diabolical. I mean, what a great way to ruin someone's career. Tell them all the things that make you successful, also make you a bigot. It's like a boxing trainer telling his protege, "hey, if you want to be a world champ someday, don't go to the gym, don't worry about your footwork and smoking will actually improve your lung capacity. Oh, and for God's sake, don't avoid McDonald's, that ---- is delicious." By telling others that good traits are racist, you're telling them to fail. 

Members of the World Health Organization (WHO) team investigating the origins of the COVID-19 coronavirus, arrive at the Wuhan Institute of Virology in Wuhan, in China's central Hubei province on February 3, 2021. (HECTOR RETAMAL/AFP via Getty Images)

CNN must have had this plan in place for the last ten years. But you couldn't ask for a better way to leapfrog past inept, gullible coworkers plagued by white guilt. You get them all to stay home until they're tardy, and you win by showing up on time, all while telling minorities "don't reach your potential. Oh, you'll get equity once everybody loses." 

Of course, for those bureaucrats who aren't held accountable like Ms. Droppers, their incompetence is expected. Hell, public health bureaucrats can literally cause a pandemic and still not get fired. The only thing they do on time, of course, is collect taxes. 

So, here's some questions for Ms. Droppers, whose name is perfect for someone dropping standards for herself. If urgency is a racist value, why don't we delay your paycheck, for like a few weeks? It'll make us all a little less racist. And how about your summer vacation? Is it cool if we just get around to that in the fall? The beach is still nice in November. Don't even think about leaving Friday early to beat the traffic, you're no better than Robert Byrd. Forget sunscreen and just put on your white hood. 

And think about, you know, Obama, and Harris and Jackson, they're all historical firsts, how very white of them to come in first. 

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You best hope you don't end up in the emergency room any time soon. I mean, can there be anything more racist than an emergency? Emergencies demand quick action. "Nurse, I need 200cc of atropine stat. I mean, whenever you get around to it. Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like a bigot." Seriously, imagine being a doctor trying to curb your urgency. "Son, you need an appendectomy ASAP or your appendix could burst and you could die. O-M-G, did I just say ASAP? What am I, a doctor or a plantation boss? At any rate, I'm hitting the links. We can catch up tomorrow. Unless you're dead." 

Yeah, dead. Death. Talk about finally escaping your own racism. And really, we'd all rather be dead than called racist. And the fact is, isn't death really the least racist thing ever? Think about it. What do they call you when you die? Late.