President Trump received the lion's share of the attention at CPAC on Saturday, but a mock socialist newscast that entertained the crowd before the president took the stage -- lampooning everything from Medicare-for-all to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi - was also a big hit with the crowd
Iraq War veteran and talk radio host Jesse Kelly sat at a news desk to deliver a “Saturday Night Live” Weekend Update-style parody of what the news would look like if a far-left 2020 Democratic presidential hopeful like Bernie Sanders were elected to the White House. Kelly’s performance was seen by a packed crowd in CPAC’s main auditorium shortly before headliner Trump took the stage.
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The letters SNN – for Socialist News Network -- appeared in CNN-like font as the newscast’s introduction began. Kelly began by explaining his preferred pronouns to viewers while the on-screen chyron labeled him “Comrade Jesse Kelly.”
Kelly quickly joked that 150 million Americans lost their insurance when the president’s Medicare-for-all bill was passed, but Democrats are “confident the plan will end in huge savings after all those people finally die.” He then reported that Adam Schiff was confirmed to the Supreme Court, giving the court a whopping 27 Justices.
“The body is expected to vote later today to officially change the name to the Politburo,” Kelly joked.
The next mock report was that Columbus Day would be officially changed to Elizabeth Warren Day.
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He also took shots at the hypocrisy of frequent-flying climate change advocates, mocked Rep. Eric Swalwell, D-Calif., for once appearing to pass gas live on MSNBC, and poked fun at Joe Biden’s history of peculiar interactions with young people.
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He then skewered House Speaker Nancy Pelosi for “trying to use a wine bottle as the gavel,” and said goodbye to public bathrooms.
“The rooms, synonymous with gender discrimination, were useful to people who had to relieve themselves for decades. When asked what the people should do now, the president urged Americans to follow San Francisco’s lead and find an open slice of sidewalk,” Kelly joked.
“We’ll be back tomorrow to bring you the latest and greatest from our studio to your breadline,” Kelly said to wrap up the parody newscast.