Sex column: Basic guidelines to start talking dirty in bed

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New to dirty talk during sex? Here is some advice

Dirty talk needs to be adjusted both to the person saying it and the one hearing it.

Most people agree that having dead silent sex is completely uninviting and it affects the sexual mood. Even when the occasional moaning does some of the trick, nothing is as stimulating as dirty talk. However, especially for people who have never experimented with it before, talking dirty can feel silly, mostly because they’re not sure how to go about it.

Dirty talk, much like sex itself, is something that needs to be adjusted both to the person saying it and the one hearing it. What might sound sexy for some, might just be too much for others or might not do anything for them at all in the sex department. Here are some general guidelines to nail talking dirty during sex:

Find your words

The list of words that can arouse your partner might be very different than yours, or even of those you imagine. Have a conversation about it, throw words out there and see how they react and keep an open mind as you might be surprised by the reactions.

Start small

If you are just jumping into the world of dirty talk and feeling a bit uncomfortable with the prospect, you can start by sending your partner some steamy text messages or emails and escalate from there to the bedroom.

Saying what you want vs saying what you like

As a general rule of thumb, tell your partner what you want to do to them/would like them to do to you before sex. During sex tell them what you are liking.

For example, you sext during the afternoon letting them know what you are in the mood for sexually. Once you meet and actually start having sex, giving them positive feedback on the things you are enjoying is a great way of keep them going.

Be genuine

Dirty talk is not about turning your entire vocabulary into kink overnight, if at all, but more about a continuous try-and-error process that would allow you to discover what your partner likes and connect with them at a deeper level. Whatever you do, don’t praise them on moves you’re not really enjoying or say things that sound scripted and unnatural.

Avoid giving negative feedback

Honesty and open communication are very important foundations of a healthy and successful relationship. However, if you let your partner know they’re doing a terrible job right during sex, it can scar their ego very deeply and prove to be counterproductive.

Dirty talk should always be sexy, encouraging, and should leave a positive feeling. There are other moments when to discuss your partner’s sexual shortcomings.

Don’t force yourself

Just because dirty talk is fun, sexy and stimulating doesn’t mean you have to do it every single time. Sometimes the occasion might call for quiet sex or different kinds of sexual incentives. Avoid dirty talk if you are feeling uninspired or disconnected at the moment as it would come out fake and plain.