Reddit user who refuses to help 'obese cousin' at wedding is not wrong, therapist insists

A Reddit user who sparked family drama after refusing to push an extremely "obese cousin around in a wheelchair" for a weekend did nothing wrong by pointing out the impracticality of the plan, said a therapist as well as other social media users.

"AITA for refusing to push my obese cousin around in a wheelchair for a day?" asked "OneSoreSpine" in a June 28 post on the "Am I the A--hole" subreddit.

The poster also told Fox News Digital on Saturday, "I did not expect so many replies" to the personal drama.

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The poster, who did not specify age or gender, said the cousin is nearly 600 pounds and uses a mobility scooter. The cousin is unable to walk without pain, the poster wrote.

"In July, she [the cousin] has an out-of-state wedding to attend, and I was asked to taxi her to and from the event, as I'm not currently employed so my calendar is open," said OneSoreSpine. 

The Reddit user revealed that a morbidly obese cousin normally uses a mobility scooter to get around, as walking is painful for her.  (iStock)

This, however, has led to another issue. The mobility scooter cannot fit in OneSoreSpine's car, a Kia Optima — "so my cousin will be required to use a wheelchair," the person wrote.

"The problem is that this event is being held in a public park. I can barely push her wheelchair on a paved surface, let alone across grass and dirt," said OneSoreSpine. 

In an effort to remedy the issue, the Reddit poster attempted to contact a local medical equipment agency, "but they would not lease scooters in this case because of the off-road use." 

"I can barely push her wheelchair on a paved surface, let alone across grass and dirt."

Wrote OneSoreSpine, "My aunt and uncle have also declined to loan me their truck, which is how my cousin normally gets around … I have a pretty [terrible] driving history."

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The cousin's father apparently has health issues that prevent him from driving, while the mother cannot afford to take time off from work.

"I did look into renting a vehicle that could carry the scooter, but my cousin cannot afford to pay for that and, obviously … being jobless, I can't either," said OneSoreSpine.

"I did look into renting a vehicle that could carry the scooter, but my cousin cannot afford to pay for that," wrote a Reddit poster about a family challenge. (iStock)

The wedding party, however, came up with an alternate solution. Yet OneSoreSpine said the cousin did not like the idea.

"About the best solution anyone's come up with is that the party has a flat bed [trailer] they're using to tote supplies from the cars, but my cousin says she would feel humiliated having to be rolled in like that," the Reddit poster shared.

"My cousin says she would feel humiliated having to be rolled in like that."

"My cousin," said OneSoreSpine, "is furious with me, saying I'm shaming her by saying I cannot push her, but I feel it's the honest truth." 

Added the person on Reddit, "My cousin has done a lot for me in the past, so I do feel bad saying no, but I feel like I've looked into every option at this point." 

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The person then asked others on the platform, "AITA for not being willing to just go and give it the college try?" The poster also requested that other Reddit users refrain from making degrading comments about the cousin.

‘Significant effort’

A therapist who specializes in eating disorders and body image told Fox News Digital on Saturday that she believed the Reddit user had done everything possible to remedy the situation – and that the cousin's reaction is likely a form of projection of her own feelings of helplessness. 

"It sounds like the author has put in significant effort to find unique ways to help [the] cousin, which is admirable," Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy in Los Angeles, told Fox News Digital via email.

The wedding, said the Reddit user, is taking place at a public park and the cousin cannot walk the distance from the parking area to the wedding's location. The two people involved need to "have a frank conversation," said a therapist about the family standoff.  (iStock)

OneSoreSpine "clearly wants to give back for all the ways [the] cousin has helped them," said Goldberg, adding that the Reddit user's "empathy is evident." 

Said Goldberg, "I think the best approach for [OneSoreSpine] is to have a frank conversation, or perhaps send a text first to give [the] cousin time to digest the information."

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OneSoreSpine "could say something like, ‘I really want to support you in this, and I will continue to support you in other ways, but I feel limited in this situation and cannot help unless we find a different solution,'" suggested Goldberg. "'I’m really sorry, and it hurts me to have to turn you down. I’ve tried many different ways to make this work, but I’ve come up short. Please let me know if there is another idea you have or if I can help in another way unrelated to the wedding.'"

"Instead of looking inward at her own challenges, it might be easier to blame someone else."

The cousin's reaction to being told that OneSoreSpine could not push her around "might stem from the difficulty of admitting she can’t attend the wedding due to these limitations," said Goldberg. 

She added, "Instead of looking inward at her own challenges, it might be easier to blame someone else." 

"Please let me know if there is another idea you have or if I can help in another way unrelated to the wedding": A therapist suggested the Reddit poster share this type of message and more with the cousin who needs transportation help at a wedding. (iStock)

Reddit users agreed with those sentiments. In the more than 3,000 replies to the post, nearly all said that OneSoreSpine was not wrong in saying that he or she could not push the cousin around in a wheelchair. 

"Honestly, you sound like you have searched for every possible solution. I don’t know why your cousin is furious with you," said Reddit user "Having-hope3594" in one of the top-rated comments.  

"It’s a safety issue as well."

Many Reddit users shared stories of when they had to assist their own family members using wheelchairs – and how that impacted them physically afterward. 

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"NTA. It’s a safety issue as well," said user Mental-Coconut-7854 in another top comment.

This same commenter continued, "My brother pushed my mom (150 lbs) around a street fair on relatively decent pavement and felt it in his back for a few days. It’s her safety as well. If you struggle with the wheelchair, she could fall out it." 

Others pointed out that a car like a Kia Optima is simply not built to handle a weight of 600 pounds over one wheel. 

Reddit users pointed out that the entire plan involving the cousin seemed impractical, and that OneSoreSpine was not wrong for saying no to the request.  (Tiffany Hagler-Geard/Bloomberg via Getty Images)

"Unless you have a pickup, and she rides in the back, your car is NOT made for that kind of heavy-duty work," said Reddit user "Rare-City6847." 

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"Maybe this can be her wake-up call? She's too big to attend a wedding," added Rare-City6847.

In response to outreach from Fox News Digital, OneSoreSpine said there were no updates to share about the situation, other than that hurt feelings still existed due to the cousin's reaction. 

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"I did not expect so many replies and feel bad because I want to be able to answer people's questions when asked," OneSoreSpine said to Fox News Digital. 

"But I obviously really appreciate their encouragement and some of the feedback I've gotten about things I had not even considered."