Imagine if the term 'birthing parent' replaced the word 'mother' in these hit songs?

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Michigan's Gretchen Whitmer refers to women as 'menstruating people'

GOP candidate for Michigan governor Kevin Rinke joined 'Fox & Friends First' to discuss why he is running to unseat Whitmer and the issues that matter to voters ahead of November.

The National Education Association recently proposed a resolution that would strip the word "mother" from contracts and replace it with the term "birthing parent" instead.

The country's largest labor union claims this is an effort to be more inclusive and considerate of the LGBTQIA+ community. 

The Biden administration and other Democrat officials appear to have already begun removing the word "mother" from their vocabulary. 

Michigan's Democrat Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, for her part, has been calling women "menstruating people." 

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Given the cultural and political trade winds, one must ask with a bit of whimsy: Is it merely a matter of time before "mothers," "moms" and "mamas" are stripped from popular music titles, book titles, poems, expressions and more in favor of today's more "acceptable" and woke-approved terms "birthing persons" and "birthing parent"?

Imagine the outcome of such a scenario.

Instead of the beloved Mama Cass — the cherished and long-lamented member of the popular 1960s folk rock group The Mamas & the Papas — would people be saying they still miss "Birthing Parent Cass" and "The Menstruating Persons & the Papas"? 

The Mamas and the Papas, circa 1967, record in an L.A. studio. From left to right, Denny Doherty, John Phillips, Michelle Phillips and Cass Elliot.  (Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images)

Here, then, in this strange new world, is an imagined top-10 countdown of musical hits in a politically correct and woke environment without the words "mothers," "moms" and "mamas" in their titles or lyrics … 

(Note: None of these artists or groups have actually suggested doing this.)

10. ‘Mother’s Little Helper' by The Rolling Stones 

Imagine, in such a world, that this Stones hit were to somehow mutate into "Birthing Person's Little Helper"? 

In this potential scenario, Mick Jagger and Keith Richards in 1966 apparently wrote a heteronormative hit painting birthing parents as troubled, drug-dependent cisgender persons overburdened by the responsibilities of their birthinghood. 

From left, Ronnie Wood, Mick Jagger, Keith Richards and Charlie Watts perform during the concert of The Rolling Stones' "No Filter" Europe Tour 2017 at U Arena in Nanterre, outside Paris.  (AP Photo/Michel Euler, File)

"’Kids are different today,’ I hear every [birthing parent] say / [Birthing parent] needs something today to calm her down," Jagger might have sung, as he gaslit the 1960s counter-culture with internalized misogyny that assigned traditional female roles to birthing parenthood.

9. ‘Mama Said’ – The Shirelles

A crossover R&B and pop hit for the all-cisgender BIPOC group out of N.J. might have been warning future birthing persons of the troubles posed by their attraction to toxic masculinity. 

"[Birthing person] said there’ll be days like this / There’ll be days like this my [birthing person] said," The Shirelles might have sung.

8. ‘Mama Tried’ – Merle Haggard

Few non-gender assigned birthed people lamented their relationship with their "menstruating parent" more deeply than The Hag.

Merle Haggard is shown performing at the 56th annual Grammy Awards in Los Angeles, California, on Jan. 26, 2014. (Reuters)

"[Birthing parent] tried to raise me better, but her pleading, I denied / That leaves only me to blame 'cause [birthing parent] tried," Haggard just might have sung after being sentenced to life as a person with justice-system involvement.

7. ‘Hey Mama’ – Kanye West

In this song, the rapper revealed a tender side in a touching tribute to Donda, his — according to some — birthing parent.

He/she/they had separated from Kanye’s non-birthing parent, Ray, when the celebrated performer was only three years old.

Kanye West is shown performing during the 2019 Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival on April 20, 2019, in Indio, California.  (Timothy Norris/Getty Images for Coachella)

The song is a moving tribute to the special relationship between a boy and his birthing individual.

"And you never put no man over me / And I love you for that, [birthing parent], can't you see?"

6. ‘Mama Told Me (Not to Come)’ – Three Dog Night

This tune about a musician’s life in the big city was performed by several groups, none more notably than Three Dog Night, who topped American charts with their rendition of "Mama Told Me (Not to Come)" in 1970.

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Given today's wokeness, however, the lyrics might have gone: "Listen to [birthing parent], listen to me baby / [Birthing parent] told me not to go," as they acknowledged the age-old maxim: "Birthing parent knows best."

5. ‘Mama, I’m Coming Home’ – Ozzy Osbourne

Even the Prince of Darkness grew verklempt at the thought of the menstruating person close to his heart.

Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne are pictured together in 2017. (Greg Doherty)

Betwixt and between his wilder younger days and his more mature career as a reality TV star, the heavy metal rocker penned a tender power ballad about his wife, Sharon — otherwise known today, apparently, as the menstruating parent to their three birthed persons. 

"It hurts so bad and it's been so long / [Birthing parent], I'm coming home," Ozzy might have sung in his 1991 hit. 

4. 'Mother and Child Reunion' – Paul Simon

One of the most acclaimed songwriters in all of popular music might have — in the woke world's scenario — penned "Birthing Person and Child Reunion," instead of one of his best-known hits from the early '70s.

This April 2, 2012, file photo shows singer Paul Simon performing at "A Celebration of Paul Newman's Dream" in New York.  (AP Photo/Evan Agostini)

"No, I would not give you false hope (no) / On this strange and mournful day / But the [birthing person] and child reunion / Is only a motion away," Simon might have written.

3. ‘Stacy’s Mom' – Fountains of Wayne

Attractive middle-aged menstruating persons might have enjoyed their moment in the sun with this delightful if suggestive 2003 indie pop romp about a young man infatuated with his relationship partner’s birthing parent.

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"Stacy, do you remember when I mowed your lawn? / Your [birthing parent] came out with just a towel on," lead signer Adam Schlesinger might have sung — reflecting the gender-insensitive dreams of teenage young persons.

2. ‘Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys’ – Waylon Jennings & Willie Nelson

Willie Nelson (left) and Waylon Jennings (1937-2002), circa 1983.  (Vinnie Zuffante/Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images)

Cowboys are a prime symbol of masculine American men, as Waylon and Willie notably and apparently mansplained to birthing parents everywhere in their 1978 hit — a remake of a 1975 recording by Ed Bruce.

"[Birthing parents,] don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys / 'Cause they'll never stay home and they're always alone / Even with someone they love."

1. ‘Does Your Mother Know?’ – ABBA

The Swedish super group scored a global hit in 1979 with a salacious ditty about a grown man pursuing a teenage woman.

Just imagine how this might have arranged itself today.

Bjorn Ulvaeus, Agnetha Faltskog, Anni-Frid Lyngstad and Benny Andersson of the pop group ABBA in a group shot in 1974 in Copenhagen, Denmark.  (Jorgen Angel/Redferns)

"I can chat with you, baby, flirt a little maybe / Does your [birthing parent] know that you're out?"

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ABBA's song, of course, was given a gender binary role reversal in the runaway hit musical flick "[Menstruating Person] Mia!" 

That's when a middle-aged White person who identifies as "she" attempted to culturally appropriate a younger Black person who identifies as "he."