How to talk to children about 9/11 and the tragic events that unfolded

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Ted Weisberg of Seaport Securities says the memory of the 9/11 attacks will never go away.

Discussing 9/11 with your child can be an extremely difficult conversation to have. Sharing the monstrous events that occurred on September 11, 2001, with a young child can be painful and emotional for parents. 

When having this conversation with a child, let their questions guide the discussion. Have an age appropriate conversation with them by keeping in mind that this first talk is just one of many. 

There are many valuable tools at parents' disposal, from books telling true stories in a manner appropriate for kids to online lesson plans organized by age group. 

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Here are five tips for how to approach a conversation about 9/11 with your child. 

When talking about 9/11 with your child, keep their age in mind and remember that as they grow older, more details can be shared through further conversations. (iStock)

1. Gauge a child's knowledge
2. Early conversations should be one of many
3. Read powerful books with your child
4. Explore the tools at your disposal
5. Take your child to pay respects at a 9/11 memorial site

1. Gauge a child's knowledge

Before getting into any details, start with the question, "What do you know about 9/11?" This will allow you to get a handle on what they already know from school or from what they have heard. 

As you move through early conversations with your child, let their questions guide the discussion. 

"Letting their questions guide your conversation ensures you are addressing a child at their level, and offering information in digestible portions," Kristie Kiernan Bouryal, Tunnel to Towers Foundation vice president, told Fox News Digital in an email.

Let your child's questions guide the conversation you have with them about what happened on September 11, 2001. (Rochlin/Getty Images)

2. Early conversations should be one of many

You're going to have many different conversations with your children about 9/11. Don't feel pressure to tackle every aspect of the day all at once. 

"Subsequently, build on each conversation or learning experience to round out your child’s understanding of the various aspects of 9/11," Bouryal said. "Remember, you don’t have to address the totality of 9/11 all at once, you can build on learning, after learning, after learning. That building enables an ongoing dialogue in which you can reinforce earlier learnings while sharing new ones."

A TIMELINE OF EVENTS FROM SEPT. 11, 2001

The conversation parents have with their children is going to look very different based on the age of the child. 

If your child is very young, for example around preschool age, you'll want to keep your teaching very simple and steer clear of complex details.

As kids get older, they will be exposed to more about the tragedy. As they grow, you can also ask them more about their feelings and thoughts and help them to cope with what they may feel or question.

When having this extremely difficult conversation with your child, remember to find a balance between telling the events that happened, without instilling immense fear. (iStock)

"9/11 is an important day in our country’s history with various angles for discussion, but there are age-appropriate ways to address the many aspects of the day with children without overwhelming them or instilling fear," Bouryal said. "For example, learning that goodness prevailed following the evilest of deeds is always age appropriate. Learning that first responders are heroes who run into dangerous situations to keep us safe is always age appropriate. Additionally, teaching your child that they can be everyday heroes by doing what’s right and helping others is another lasting, wonderful legacy that children can learn from 9/11."

Through your conversation with your child, it's important to find that balance of telling the horrific events of the day without instilling fear and doubt within your child. 

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"The best way to strike that balance is through sharing information in age-appropriate ways – either verbally, through reading, or through first-person video accounts, letting your child’s questions guide the dialogue, and by talking about how the information made your child feel and how it must have made people feel on that day and in its aftermath," Bouryal said. "If prayer is fitting for you and your child, you can also incorporate that by praying together. But please know that the aforementioned approach is tried and true in my family and in many others. And I have yet to encounter a child that didn’t want to know more about 9/11 after an initial learning."

3. Read powerful books with your child 

There are stories online and in print from 9/11 survivors who tell the details of what they faced on that day. While some are very detailed and should be read with a parent's discretion or saved for older children, these accounts are extremely powerful in telling a tragic, dark story in America's history.

While the facts are critical, it is just as important to teach emotions and empathy surrounding September 11, 2001. The fear, heartbreak, heroism and patriotism felt across the nation from the perspective of survivors and those that remember is equally important. Some escaped themselves and some were heroically saved by first responders who sacrificed their lives that day.

Allow children to hear oral recounts of the events that day for informative and emotional education.

Reading powerful stories aloud with your children can help them understand the events of September 11, 2001. Answer any questions your children may ask you as you go through stories together. (iStock)

Bouryal wrote her own trilogy of books suitable for children that tell true stories of the events that happened on September 11, 2001. 

"I wrote the ‘Discovering Heroes™’ series trilogy through the eyes of the children in my family. The questions the children asked and the responses their loving family members provided, formed the narratives of the books," Bouryal said. "By taking this approach, I was able to ensure age appropriateness throughout the trilogy. At the same time, it made it easier for my parents to share their 9/11 experiences."

"My father was a 9/11 first responder. He, along with many other people, took part in the rescue the movie World Trade Center was based on. On 9/11, my father lost more than 100 friends, and as a family, we lost many people we knew and loved," Bouryal added. "For my parents, talking to their grandchildren about the worst day of their lives was not easy. My father struggled with how to tell the children about such a large, emotional event in our lives that had so many angles and perspectives he wanted them to understand. We decided to have the children ask questions, which made the telling of their 9/11 experiences easier. My father realized he didn’t need to share the whole story all at once, that the children wanted to learn and absorb the information as they had questions, and that enabled him to provide snapshots of important aspects of the day over a period of time."

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"I strongly recommend allowing children to ask questions to help guide their learning, and I believe the materials we make available through the Tunnel to Towers 9/11 Institute™ will prove to be a valuable resource for any engagement you want to have with your child about 9/11," Bouryal told Fox News Digital. 

4. Explore the tools at your disposal

There are a multitude of tools available to parents that can help guide conversations about 9/11 with their children. 

This includes many online lesson plans that assist in educating kids about 9/11. Consider watching these lesson plans on your own first and then re-watching them with your child.

Lesson plans can be a great way to start learning about the history of 9/11 and how it still impacts us today. You may even learn some new things yourself.

There are so many tools online that parents can use to help guide conversations about 9/11 with their child. (iStock)

"We offer free, age-appropriate materials through the Tunnel to Towers 9/11 Institute™ that you can use with your children," Bouryal shared. "From lessons to activities, to background information so you can respond to questions or pose them during a dialogue."

5. Take your child to pay respects at a 9/11 memorial site

There are over 1,000 memorials around the U.S. dedicated to the lives lost on 9/11. This will be a somber experience for your child but can serve as a way to educate.

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If there is a memorial site or museum nearby, consider taking your child. If you're unable to visit a physical site, show your child a few of the memorials online. Visuals will likely spark questions.

Read about the architecture and the reason behind their design. There is a deeper meaning behind the design of each memorial.