How to make the holidays better for moms
America’s number one mom coach Hannah Keeley shares one ‘do’s’ and three ‘don’t’s’ to help make Christmas better for moms.
Pressures are high for parents and caregivers around the holidays.
That means there’s room for error, according to parenting expert Hannah Keeley, who offered up some of the biggest mistakes parents tend to make at Christmastime.
In an email she sent to Fox News Digital, Virginia-based Keeley identified the top five holiday blunders that parents often make.
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Here are the mistakes Keeley thinks parents should try to avoid.
Diving right in …
Parents should "take it easy and leave plenty of room to relax" during the holidays, a parenting expert told Fox News Digital. (iStock)
1. Creating unrealistic expectations
Parents who make a "must-do" Christmas list that’s a "mile long" at the "first sniff of peppermint mochas" are perhaps setting themselves up for failure — and Keeley said she empathized with this instinct.
Doing the most could lead to a season of disappointment, she warned.
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"Aside from the time I asked my husband to turn our bathroom into a Hallmark movie and he actually pulled it off, unrealistic expectations around Christmas usually just set up moms for inevitable disappointment," Keeley said.
Hannah Keeley, "America's No. 1 mom coach," is a parenting and lifestyle expert and board-certified life coach in Virginia with a background in behavioral therapy and neuroscience. (Desiray Osier, Nowell Photo)
"Beautiful family Christmas memories can be made without the drive-in ‘Grinch’ movie, the tacky light tour and the neighborhood Christmas cookie bake-off all in the same weekend."
Instead, parents should "take it easy and leave plenty of room to relax," said Keeley.
2. Using Christmas as a bribe
While it’s easy for parents to use a message of "be good or else" as a parenting tactic before Santa Claus comes down the chimney, Keeley said this approach lowers parenting standards.
"I refer to this tactic as ‘stooping to Santa,’" she said. "Don’t lower your parenting standards to bribery, especially around a season and a character that is supposed to symbolize peace and goodwill on Earth."
Using Santa Claus during the holidays as a bribe to get kids to behave is "lazy parenting," a parenting expert told Fox News Digital. (iStock)
The Santa bribe turns the focus of Christmas into "selfish gain on the part of your children," Keeley added.
"Love your kids enough to learn how to manage their behavior appropriately and teach them self-discipline."
"It’s also lazy parenting, which never pays off in the long run," she said. "Being a mom is a professional career and deserves to be treated accordingly."
She added, "Love your kids enough to learn how to manage their behavior appropriately and teach them self-discipline."
3. Becoming a ‘holiday martyr’
It’s important to keep the holidays well-rounded, Keeley said.
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She called out "martyr moms" who are at their "peak performance" during Christmastime, putting everyone else before themselves.
"They wear themselves out making sure everyone else has the perfect Christmas, but never put themselves on the receiving end," she said.
Hannah Keeley of Virginia is pictured with her husband, Blair, and the couple's seven kids: Kelsey, Katie, Kyler, Karis, Korben, Klara and Kenna. (Desiray Osier, Nowell Photo)
These parents, said Keeley, "subconsciously compensate for a lack of self-worth and validate their role as a [parent] by creating too much busyness in their life."
She said that "all that results from a mom who runs herself into the ground is just that: a mom who runs herself into the ground."
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She added, "If this is you, take a breath, put away the to-do list and ask yourself, ‘What would I have to believe in order to have a relaxed and joyful Christmas?’ Maybe we can use that as a guide to sit back and relax."
4. Griping like the Grinch
Parents should be sure not to be "grinchy" around their kids amid holiday stress, Keeley said.
Children up to the age of 9 process information egocentrically, she said — which means if there’s a problem, they see themselves as the cause.
With this in mind, parents should avoid "processing their frustration around the holidays audibly around the children," she said.
Parents should avoid venting their holiday frustrations to their kids. (iStock)
"The ‘mom brain’ is wired to process problems rapidly and move on to solutions," she said. "The ‘child brain,’ however, is wired to process a problem internally and take on the responsibility."
Said Keeley, "Knowing this, make sure you don’t do any ‘grinchy griping’ out loud to the children. You may see it as temporary venting, but they see it as, ‘Mom is upset and I’m probably the reason.’"
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Instead, parents should stay calm, find a reason to be grateful and vocalize it, even when frustrations accumulate.
5. Neglecting the ‘give list’
While building a wish list is fun for kids, Keeley emphasized the moral importance of the "give list."
"Many parents make the mistake of teaching their children that Christmas is a time to make a ‘wish list’ and get what they want," she said.
"Many parents make the mistake of teaching their children that Christmas is a time to make a ‘wish list’ and get what they want."
"This is loads of fun, but can often create a big case of 'the gimmes’ in your children."
She added, "Life is balance. It’s about receiving and giving."
Parents should consider making a "give list" with their children, in addition to the typical wish list, advised a parenting expert. (iStock)
As parents guide their kids to create a wish list, Keeley encouraged them to spend equal time creating a list of gifts to give to family and friends.
"Collaborate with them on what they want to give to the people they love, and encourage them to use their imagination and creative ability, not just your credit card," she said.
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"Even if it's a pine cone covered in peanut butter and bird seed for loved ones to use as a bird feeder, the gift came from the heart and a beautiful lesson was learned — that’s the best Christmas gift of all," she said.
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