Sharing Your Sexual Desires Will Boost Your Relationship

NEW YORK - JUNE 17: Javier Garcia and Moira Sauvane dance the tango on a Manhattan rooftop June 17, 2005 in New York City. Javier Garcia, an Argentinian-American and a third-year psychiatric resident, and Moira Sauvane, an Argentinian and a post doctoral cancer researcher, are among the best tango dancing couples in the world. For the last three years they danced the tango almost every evening, three to four hours a night, somewhere in New York City where they now live. Their tango is unique, in that they come together in a passionate dance dialogue where they exchange lead, in a constant form of improvisation. Their relationship is also unique. Moira is married to another man. (Photo by David Turnley/Getty Images) (2005 Getty Images)

Dr. Charley Ferrer is a world-reknown sexologist.

Every man and woman has a fear of being picked last, of losing someone they love, and most of all being rejected. Nowhere does rejection play a more significant role than in our love lives.

Often women will deny themselves their true sexual desires and become unable to derive intimate pleasure from their relationships because they fear being judged and subsequently rejected by their partner once they reveal their naughty thoughts. Ironically, men experience the same doubts and fears. And yet, it is these same fears that prevent the intimacy you desire most in your relationship.

Instead of hiding who you are and those intimate desires you crave, share them with your partner. You might be surprised at their willingness to explore them with you. Below are a few hints on how to get started.

Once a week schedule a Naughty Delights discussion. This is where you take turns talking about your views on various sensual themes. For instance, how do you feel about role playing? Of course, you will have to keep him bound until you extract all his secrets. You’d even have to explore how his body reacts to various forms of stimuli. I’m sure you can imagine a few things even now.

Discussing what you’d like to do and try with your partner doesn’t prevent spontaneity; on the contrary, it actually increases it since it takes away the fear of possible rejection. Our minds are the most erotic parts of our body. Sharing your fantasies with your partner is a wonderful way to strengthen your relationship. Besides, the anticipation of making those very fantasies come true will have you both smiling for days. Allow yourself to be adventurous and playful. Giggling and teasing each other afterward is also part of the fun. Don’t worry if it doesn’t go exactly as planned. There’s always room for improvement next time.

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You’ll find yourself enjoying the second and third takes of a fantasy, just as a movie director enjoys shooting a scene from different angles. Plan a day when you’ll put your adventure into practice or merely surprise each other. Don’t forget to ensure you have plenty of uninterrupted time to allow you to enjoy to the fullest.

The more you communicate about all aspects of your relationship the stronger and more solid your foundation together will become.

Dr. Charley Ferrer is a world-renowned Clinical Sexologist and the only Latina Doctor of Human Sexuality in the United States. She is the award winning author of The Latina Kama Sutra, The W.I.S.E. Journal for the Sensual Woman, and The Passionate Latina: In our own words. She is the founder and Executive Director of the Institute of Pleasure whose primary mission is to provide education on relationships, mental health services to women and men, and conduct research on sexuality. She can be reached at questions@doctorcharley.com.For more on Dr. Charley, go to www.instituteofpleasure.org.

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