NORDERNEY, GERMANY - JULY 04: A couple enjoys the sunset on July 4, 2009 in Norderney, Germany. (Photo by Joern Pollex/Getty Images) (2009 Getty Images)
We often pray the love we have will last a lifetime; romantically day dreaming of all those walks along the beach holding hands under the moonlight. We crave nights filled with passion. We fantasize for hours about all the ways we’d be adventurous.
Despite all this, many romances fall along the shores of the Isle of Regret and we’re left wondering what happened, praying for one more chance to make love last and right all our wrongs.
Ironically, even if you are given a second chance, most couples fall back into the same dull routine; the same indifference and inactivity that caused the break-up in the first place. It’s not because they weren’t sincere or didn’t really try “this time” to make it work, but more so because of lack of options. And yes, at times laziness because all too often, we’re so exhausted after work that making dinner and sitting in front of the television is all the energy you we left. And if you have kids, then your energy is spent on them and your partner is left behind.
In order to have a lasting sensual relationship, you have to guard the flames. You have to make the effort, especially when you’re exhausted. You have to give 100 percent because 50/50 relationships never last! Below are a few simple tips on how to guard the flames and put sabor back into your love life.
Date Night
Though it may sound strange, this simple task is a great way to keep the flames of love burning brightly. “A date night” is special. It belongs to your partner. That means you turn off the phone, you put a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door, you send the kids to your in-laws or spring for a babysitter, and you devote your entire evening to your partner. If you’re out on the town and someone you know intrudes, kindly tell them that you’re on a date and you’ll get back them when it’s more convenient. This not only sets your boundaries, it also lets your partner know that you value them enough to guard their time with you.
Share your Desires
Communication is the key to any relationship. Not only should you share your hopes and dreams with your loved one, you should also share your sensual needs as well. Share your fantasies, especially the adventurous ones. Pick a date this month to role play a fantasy, and allow your naughty side out to play. Make it more playful by using props, setting the atmosphere, and decorating the area to coincide with your adventure. If you can’t share your naughty side with your partner, who can you share it with?
Explore
Learn everything you can about pleasure. Find a few sensual books and read them together. Leave a sexy message on their machine. Purchase adult toys. As adults, you choose what’s appropriate for you.
Love isn’t about waiting – it’s about doing! Tomorrow never comes. There’s only today. Make today full of love and passion so the future will find you together holding hands while you walk along a moonlit beach.
Dr. Charley Ferrer is a world-renowned Clinical Sexologist and the only Latina Doctor of Human Sexuality in the United States. She is the award winning author of The Latina Kama Sutra, The W.I.S.E. Journal for the Sensual Woman, and The Passionate Latina: In our own words. She is the founder and Executive Director of the Institute of Pleasure whose primary mission is to provide education on relationships, mental health services to women and men, and conduct research on sexuality. She can be reached at questions@doctorcharley.com. For more on Dr. Charley, go to www.instituteofpleasure.org.
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