Phil Donahue's marriage to Marlo Thomas built on ‘love, listening and lust’

Phil Donahue and Marlo Thomas had a legendary marriage that lasted over four decades until his death on Sunday at age 88.

Thomas shared a sweet post on Instagram dedicated to her late husband of 44 years, in a caption accompanying one of her favorite photos of the couple.

"I'm sure by now you've heard the very sad news that I lost my sweetheart last night, so I know you understand that I'll be stepping away from this page for a while to take care of myself and the many people who took care of Phil, and held him close to their hearts," Thomas wrote.

She continued, thanking everyone for "the beautiful messages of love and support that have been coming in all day, and for the wonderful and generous way that you've let Phil and me share our life adventure with you over the years."

Marlo Thomas thanked everyone for "the beautiful messages of love and support" after the death of her husband of 44 years, talk show host Phil Donahue. (Sean Zanni/Getty Images for National Arts Club)

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"As a man who spent his career loving his audiences, Phil got such a kick out of our cozy little community here, and I know he would be very touched by the heartwarming thoughts and memories you've been sharing."

Thomas added, "Until I return, I wish you good health and happy days in the company of family and friends, and I hope that you will continue to hold close those you cherish most, just as I was blessed to do with my beloved Phillip. Love, Marlo."

Donahue and Thomas’ marriage was something they kept private until more recent years, when they were happy to share the wisdom and love they’d gained over the years.

In May last year, Thomas told People that their marriage had "three Ls" that led to their marital success.

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"I call it the three Ls: love, listening and lust," she told the outlet at the Women In Media Foundation’s 48th annual Gracie Awards Gala.

"Those are the three L's. You have to listen, and then you'll know what the other person is really thinking and going through. You have to love each other. And without lust, you don't have anything."

The "Friends" star also happily told the outlet, "He’s the best. I’m very lucky."

Donahue and Thomas first met on his eponymous talk show, "The Phil Donahue Show," in 1977, where it was clear to everyone in the audience and at home there was a connection between the two. 

Thomas and Donahue became a couple after meeting on his talk show in 1977. (Ron Galella/Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images)

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"Everybody called me and said, ‘What was that about?’" Thomas said on "Late Night with Seth Meyers" in 2021 about the interview, recalling even a neighbor of Donahue’s asked him what was going on with her.

"I guess it was obvious," he added, "We didn’t think so at the time."

Thomas said he called her the next day and asked her out, and "that was it."

Initially, they had a long-distance relationship, with Thomas in Los Angeles and Donahue in Winnetka, Ill. 

"Love, listening and lust. You have to listen, and then you'll know what the other person is really thinking and going through. … And without lust, you don't have anything."

— Marlo Thomas

The couple's relationship started off with a long-distance relationship before their marriage in 1980. (Sonia Moskowitz/IMAGES/Getty Images)

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"Phil told me, 'I can't live in L.A. I don't want to spend the rest of my life interviewing John Wayne. I can live in New York or Washington,'" Thomas told the New York Times in 2023. "And I told him, 'Well, I can live in New York or L.A.' So, New York it was."

Donahue was also previously married and a father to five children. Thomas up to that point had never been married and had no children.

Thomas told AARP Magazine in 2011, "From the very first day, I decided that I was not going to try to be a ‘mother’ to Phil's children in the traditional sense — they already had a mom — but instead to be their friend."

She added, "I'm proud to say that the friendships I established with them are as strong today as they were 30 years ago — even stronger."

Thomas said she focused on being a "friend" to Donahue's children from his first marriage. (Yvonne Hemsey/Getty Images)

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The couple married in 1980, but not without some last-minute hesitations.

Speaking with Fox News Digital in 2020, Thomas said they had actually broken up three months before they were married.

"We were arguing a lot. We were working and living in different cities, and all of the compromises we were making to accommodate two full and different lives made things so difficult," the "That Girl" star recalled. "And on top of that, Phil had the added pressure of raising his four sons alone. Both of us just finally said, ‘We can’t do this — not to ourselves and not to each other.’ So, we broke up.

"Phil started dating, and I got back together with an old boyfriend, but I was miserable. All I thought about was Phil. Then I got a call in the middle of the night, and it was Phil. He said, ‘I never thought anybody could be this irreplaceable.’ We were married 12 weeks later."

Thomas told Fox News Digital she and Donahue broke up for a few months before reconciling and marrying shortly after. (Paul Hawthorne/Getty Images)

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In a 2023 interview with People, Thomas recalled the wedding day, saying she was at her parents' house where the ceremony was being held, and she was running late getting ready, admitting to her father, "'I'm kind of scared because I didn't ever want to get married,'" and told her not to do it if she didn’t want to.

Eventually, she left the room to walk down the aisle with her father and came to a realization.

"And as I'm walking down the aisle of my parents’ living room, I see Phil standing there with his hands like this, like a little altar boy, and I thought it's just Phil. What am I so scared of?’" she said. "It's just him and that was it."

Following their marriage, Thomas and Donahue kept their relationship away from the spotlight, though they were very happy and in love.

Thomas admitted some hesitation before their wedding, but when she saw him she thought, "It's just Phil. What am I so scared of?’" and they tied the knot. (Walter McBride/Getty Images)

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"The way we saw it, we were very lucky that our paths crossed when they did and that we’d made the decision to spend the rest of our days together. That was — and remains — sacred ground to us, and we wanted to protect it," Donahue and Thomas told Fox News Digital in 2020.

That same year, they released their book, "What Makes a Marriage Last: 40 Celebrated Couples Share with Us the Secrets to a Happy Life," coinciding with the 40th anniversary of their own marriage.

It was the first time the couple had ever worked together, telling AARP magazine in 2020 that keeping projects separate had been an "ironclad rule of our marriage."

Through their book and later their podcast, "Date Night," the couple began exploring relationships by speaking with other famous long-lasting couples, gathering and offering advice for everyone, including themselves.

Donahue and Thomas broke their "ironclad" marriage rule of not working together when they put together their book, "What Makes a Marriage Last: 40 Celebrated Couples Share with Us the Secrets to a Happy Life." (Andrew H Walker/Variety/Penske Media via Getty Images)

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Together, they noted, "the secret to any successful marriage is that there is no single secret. There are a million of them."

"As for our secret, you’ll get pretty good glimpses of it in the book — but one thing for sure is that, once we decided to commit to each other, we also decided that no matter how tough things might get, we would never look for an escape route," they added.