Jessa Duggar reveals she had miscarriage over the holidays in emotional video: 'Heartbreak'

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'Counting On' stars Josiah and Lauren Duggar say opening up about their tragic miscarriage helped them heal

'Counting On' stars Josiah and Lauren Duggar say opening up about their tragic miscarriage in front of cameras helped them heal, come to terms with the tragedy.

Jessa Duggar revealed this week she had a miscarriage near the end of her first trimester over the holidays. 

The "19 Kids and Counting" star said Friday in an emotional 18-minute YouTube video titled "Heartbreak over the Holidays" that she was 11 weeks along and experienced a brief period of spotting. So, she and husband Ben Seewald braved wintry weather to go see a doctor. 

She said as soon as a technician started looking at the baby on an ultrasound, "I could tell there was some concern in her voice." 

"The technician said, ‘Well, the sac looks good, the baby does not.’ Honestly, nothing could have prepared me for the weight of those words in that moment.

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Jessa Duggar shared that she had a miscarriage in an emotional YouTube video Friday.  (Jessa Seewald/YouTube)

"I was just in complete shock," she said, adding she had allowed herself to become "hopeful" because there was little spotting. "I didn’t even have words. I just immediately started crying. And I was so, so thankful in that moment that I had not gone to that appointment by myself because I almost did. And Ben was there, and he put his arms around me." 

After she lost the baby, she had to go to the hospital for a surgical procedure. She said the most "devastating" part was "waking up after the procedure was over and having this hollow feeling inside because you know that the life that was in you is no longer there, and you never did get to see your baby and say those goodbyes." 

The 10 to 15 minutes after the procedure "laying there cold and alone before I was taken back to the room where Ben and my mom were waiting were probably some of the hardest of my life," she said. 

The reality star said she questioned if she had done anything wrong during her pregnancy, like not taking her prenatal vitamins because she had severe morning sickness. 

"But we can know that we didn’t purposefully do anything to harm our baby," she added of mothers who experience that loss. 

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"It’s been a journey and one that I’m still on, but I can say I’m so thankful to have my four babies and to be able to come home that night and hug my little ones. It’s just such a tremendous comfort."

Jessa Duggar said she's "so thankful" for her four kids.  (Jessa Seewald/YouTube)

Duggar said she told her husband she couldn’t imagine being a woman who lost her first baby and didn't have a child to hold when she returned home.

"Walking through loss, your heart goes out to moms who struggle with infertility who have lost babies. It’s very painful," she said. 

They decided to tell their children and a few others about the pregnancy before the end of her first trimester, and she said her entire family was still processing the miscarriage.

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"When you lose someone so dear to you, it just makes heaven just that much sweeter," Duggar said. "We’ve talked about that a lot with the kids, and we can’t wait to meet this little one in heaven one day."