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New app tranforms cat meows into actual words

Former Amazon engineer creates app to translate cat meows into words people understand.

This is a rush transcript from “The Greg Gutfeld Show" November 21, 2020. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: You can notice a spring in their step, that is the press and their prized pet, Joe. First there's Joe's first big presser. Talk about a day at the beach, which is where Joe probably thought he was. It's Joe's moment. But I wonder who they'll ask about.  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

QUESTION: What do you see as the biggest threat to your transition right now given President Trump's unprecedented attempt to obstruct and delay a smooth transfer of power?  

QUESTION: You just spoke of some of the dangers of the President's continued stonewalling of this transition, but it doesn't appear that the President is going to come around anytime soon and admit defeat. So what are you going to do?  

QUESTION: I want to get your thoughts on the President's tweet over the weekend?  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: What a cakewalk. It's a shame they didn't ask Joe about his favorite color or Hunter's favorite stripper. FYI, the answer is the same, Amber.  

Oddly, once again, a staffer picked reporters to ask questions not Joe. It's the political equivalent of cutting his food before meals, and they're all fine with it. Now, compare that to this.  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

QUESTION: All of you need to answer this. What is going on? You are not working with the transition. You are all of not recognizing democracy. You're all undermining the democratic election.  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: Throwing the mic down, undermining democracy. Save it. In 2016, you hacks began undermining democracy with witch hunts, phony dossiers, spying and slow rolling coups.  

No surprise, media pieces now breaking out all over now that they think Darth Vader Hitler is leaving. They can't even wait for a legal process to check voting discrepancies. It's like the "Night before Christmas" the anticipation is just too much.  

The lockstep late night comedy writers claim they are looking forward to diversity of opinion after writing nothing but lame ass Trump jokes for four years. But that's like saying you're looking forward to your pet goldfish after flushing it down the toilet.  

They also said they needed some joy because under Trump, their lives are so hard. Yes, pulling in six figures while writing 20 jokes a day about orange hair. You're the heroes.  

Too bad there wasn't anything else to make fun of, right?  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

SEN. ELIZABETH WARREN (D-MA): I'm going to get me a beer.  

The stool and sit down.  

CHRIS CUOMO, CNN ANCHOR: Do you think that you are an attractive person now? Because you're single and ready to mingle?  

KAMALA HARRIS (D), VICE PRESIDENT ELECT OF THE UNITED STATES: Like? What do you want to know?  

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Surveillance video from Monday shows the Democratic Leader inside a hair salon with a face mask around her neck.  

REP. NANCY PELOSI (D-CA): As it turns out, it was a set up.  

HILLARY CLINTON, FORMER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: I do think that he knows that he is an illegitimate President.  

WHOOPI GOLDBERG, HOST, "THE VIEW": Stormy Daniels and her lawyer, Michael Avenatti.  

BRIAN STELTER, CNN CHIEF MEDIA CORRESPONDENT: One reason why I'm taking you seriously as a contender is because of your presence on cable news.  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: Baldy. Yes, all you had was Trump. Meanwhile, under Trump's reign, he created the most powerful economy in recent history. He drove down unemployment to historical lows, he brought peace to the Middle East.  

He corralled North Korea and created a moonshot version of vaccines that will change how we fight future pandemics forever. But hey, Trump's tweets made your tummy hurt. Maybe we should buy a doll for Jimmy and Jimmy and Steven and Noah so they can point to where Trump hurt them.  

Remember, when Trump made fun of Acosta? I guess that cancels out the 5,000 body bags Trump didn't fill from a foreign war. Then there's the mainstream media whining about the audacity of verifying a very weird election.  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN HOST: The current President's baseless attempts to prove voter fraud and behind those baseless attempts and lies is probably anger and shame at losing.  

KAITLAN COLLINS, CNN WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENT: These efforts by the President to delay the outcome of the election and in turn, it is actually convincing the President's supporters that this election was not legitimate when of course, we know it was.  

DANA BASH, CNN CHIEF POLITICAL CORRESPONDENT: He feels comfortable hammering away at the completely baseless notion that there was fraud -- mass fraud -- in this election.  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: Okay, so the same people who happily pushed absurd conspiracies and lies that undermined our faith in this Republic for four years, are now upset over a legal process that's been going on for what -- a few weeks? That's like the Unabomber complaining about your sloppy handwriting. That's like Ted Bundy complaining about your lack of chivalry.  

If only I could think of a fitting response for these people.  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

GOLDBERG: Suck it up, suck it up. Suck it up. Suck it up. Suck it up. Suck it up.  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: See how that can work both ways. Unlike the media who only covered the news one way. And you wonder why the public is suspicious and angry.  

We have anchors smirking at their cynicism, anchors whose skepticism went missing during the Russian charade. You have consultants defending election results, even though they sold the snake oil dressed up as polling.  

They looked down at Trump before he even took office. They accused him of a myriad of insane crimes. They pushed a dossier, then impeachment with lies about his family in between.  

They pushed his tax returns down our throats. They called Arizona just to be first, not to be right. They declared victory before millions of votes were counted.  

You notice a trend here? It's the hurry, the rush -- the rush to be done with this man and this movement, which is beyond harmful considering how momentous this election really was.  

It was so obvious a group effort: the media, tech industry, entertainment, academia, the most powerful industries joining hands to undo this bad nightmare called Trump, when in fact, it really wasn't a bad nightmare. It was just a dream that they couldn't share with millions of Americans that they looked down on and that they couldn't brainwash.  

This movement was a reaction to them and to their power. This movement gave them the finger. And now those entities are feverishly trying to break that finger.  

Trump was evil, because they couldn't predict or control him, and it drove them nuts, so they drove him out. The late night clowns, the CNN chuckle buckets, that never Trumpers who are also never winners. They had to be right, because their egos were bigger than their principles.  

So now, they are stuck losing forever, hoping Hunter is clean, that the Chinese play nice, and that they are the smart ones.  

The only way they could become more invisible is if they go on Seth Meyers.  

So now the table is clear, it's us versus them. Those who wish to create narratives that set us against each other. Because the more we quarrel amongst ourselves, the more we will leave them alone and we can't let that happen. Our eyes are open.  

We see how relieved they are now as if somehow this is all going to go away. Well how wrong they are.  

ANNOUNCER: Period.  

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. From cheerleader to attorney. It's been quite a journey, FOX News contributor and host of "Crimes that Changed America" on FOX Nation, Emily Compagno.  

He has got more jokes than a henhouse has yolks. Writer, comedian and host of "The Michael Loftus Live Show" on FOX nation Mike Loftus. Either way.  

She is as spunky as I am hunky, and that's a lot. Host of "Sincerely, Kat" on FOX Nation, Kat Timpf. I didn't write it.  

And the last guy he seesawed with is still missing. My massive sidekick and host of "Nuff Said" on FOX nation, Tyrus.  

All right, Michael, good to see you and your tattered jacket.  

MICHAEL LOFTUS, WRITER AND COMEDIAN: Good to be here. I wore the tattered jacket. I had it especially tattered.  

GUTFELD: Yes. You pulled it out of the Goodwill dumpster. Even the clothing Goodwill didn't want you're wearing.  

LOFTUS: That's right.  

GUTFELD: So tell me, what do you make -- how is late night comedy going to shift or transition to this new era?  

LOFTUS: They're just going to search and replace Trump and replace it with McConnell. That's the way it works.  

It's a conveyor belt of like a bad knock-knock joke. They just keep telling. Like they started with Reagan. Reagan was worse than Hitler. Then Bush was worse than Hitler then Bush -- they just replaced the name. It's the same knock-knock joke.  

I just feel bad for the writers.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

LOFTUS: You know, you're there in the Kimmel office just like how do I do another joke? How do I make this sound new?  

But the good news is, if you were entertained by Colbert and Kimmel, you won't notice a difference.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

LOFTUS: Obviously, you're easily, easily entertained.  

GUTFELD: You know what's \worse than Hitler?  

LOFTUS: Who?  

GUTFELD: Hitler.  

LOFTUS: What?  

GUTFELD: Yes, I'm going there. I'm going there. Emily, the media was brutal to Trump. Do you see that continuing with Biden? Or do you think they're going to like take a nap and nice long nap for a while?  

EMILY COMPAGNO, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: I think they'll take a nap. And I think there's no arguing that he gets softballs every day, and the question is just whether it's going to continue.  

But the thing about it is that the people who lose the most are us because the office of the presidency should be scrutinized. It should be criticized, it should be challenged, right? Because it's representative of all of us.  

And so the fact that they're giving him a softball because all of a sudden he's on the right side of politics, it means that we're the ones losing out. And for the next four years, who knows what's going to be happening behind closed doors?  

GUTFELD: Interesting. Interesting point. Closed doors. Kat, you know what? Maybe nothing is going to pan out in this legal process. But why don't they -- what don't the news just reported as news rather than acting as though this is some kind of personal emotional attack on them?  

Like every time I watch the coverage on this legal process, it's like, I can't believe they're doing it. It's like you never acted that way during the Russian collusion thing. Why are you acting that way now?  

KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: It was crazy. CNN was on when the election -- they were counting the votes and all of that. For an hour, it was on because a friend was watching it, and they didn't mention the counting or the way the votes were going or the way the states had returned even once.  

It was Don Lemon and all of these people just talking about how they felt about the most recent thing that Trump had said. This is not news.  

And it's the same thing with comedy. It's not really comedy, all these late night people saying, well, now finally, we can do jokes that are about something else than Trump.  

And I think two things about that are wrong. One you could, you could joke about whatever you want. And two, were they jokes at all? I even looked what recent Trevor Noah jokes. This is one I found, okay.  

Oh, and looks like Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham are also partnering with Trump to undermine the election, which is a terrible idea. But I would love to see these three together in heist movie. Like what?  

The punch line is missing, right? That's a joke.  

Maybe not a good one, but it's a joke.  

GUTFELD: There you go. All right, Tyrus.  

GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Okay, first of all, you guys have lost your mind.  

TIMPF: I mean, yes.  

MURDOCH: Do you not know what you're doing right now? In wrestling, this would be like telling the audience what's going to happen. We're winning.  

Have you seen our ratings? Why do they -- because we're funny. And we tell jokes.  

TIMPF: I am funny.  

MURDOCH: Yes. Now, you're going to give advice to the other side who has been whining and crying about, hey, guys, why don't you tell some jokes?  

Am I taking crazy pills here? Keep doing what you're doing. More Trump jokes. Keep the party going, guys. It's working.  

GUTFELD: It's like -- okay, when you said that press conference, all they could do with Biden was ask about Trump.  

MURDOCH: But wait, here's the best part. They're being nice to Biden now because they're assuming once he gets in that he is going to do what the progressive want to do, and then they're going to realize that wait, a minute, this is another old white guy, not just -- he is an even older white guy.  

So then they're going to turn on Biden, too, the 100 percent. Then all of a sudden, you're going to start seeing the CNNs of the world going, you know, he answered that question kind of slow. Anyone else notice that? He is just a scoach off.  

GUTFELD: They are going to give him a year because they've got to get Kamala in. That's the whole thing. They've got to let him do --  

LOFTUS: They will always be nice to Joe. They're never going to be hardcore. At least you can kill the guy with a sudden question. You can just be like, "Mr. Biden," and then he will just lock up and then you've killed the President. Nobody wants that on their head.  

GUTFELD: Yes. Nobody wants that. Nobody here. Okay.  

MURDOCH: No, and nobody here wants other shows telling jokes.  

TIMPF: Yes.  

MURDOCH: Stick to the Trump stuff. We're loving it.  

GUTFELD: All right.  

MURDOCH: Negotiations coming up, Kat.  

GUTFELD: The final live show of 2020 in support of my book, "The Plus" is coming soon, I hope. Sunday, December 13th, South Carolina, Columbia Speedway. Tickets still available. https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=http-3A__Ggutfeld.com&d=DwICAg&c=cnx1hdOQtepEQkpermZGwQ&r=tgDLkJy54PfJyWJwul3dKe54qGxqO7b7d5vjo7RcZds&m=aBhgvYTeASmcrNdEGkIEpSrfX35FuHP8zupFNmTZ94U&s=WzEZ-bWmIsC1cPFoZ-N2veLJMaUsS-gLWhQn-aHAbyQ&e= . Emily just sneezed.  

Up next, more restriction less conviction.  

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)  

ANNOUNCER: Pandemic-Con.  

GUTFELD: Good Lord, we hoard. Yes, Walmart is seeing a run on cleaning supplies, disinfectants and paper towels. No concern for Kat. And with toilet paper running out, people are using the next best thing.  

Anyway, this, as states impose new COVID restrictions, including New York, which has color coded COVID zones, yellow zones, orange zones and red zones. Seems confusing, Governor Cuomo, can you make it very simple.  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

GOV. ANDREW CUOMO (D-NY): I'm just going to make it very simple. If you were socially distanced and you wore a mask, and you were smart, none of this would be a problem.  

It's all self-imposed. It's all self-imposed.  

If you didn't eat the cheesecake, you wouldn't have a weight problem. It's all self-imposed.  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: Wow, someone hates fat people. Not me. I love fat people. Then a reporter asked if schools should shut down and who'd make that call? Him or the mayor?  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

QUESTION: So what's going on? Does the city still have the ability to close its schools? Are you now taking control and saying that you have the power to make this decision?  

CUOMO: First of all, let's try not to be obnoxious and offensive in your tone.  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: Was he talking to the reporter or himself?  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

CUOMO: What are you talking about? You're now going to override -- we did it already. That's the law, an orange zone and a red zone. Follow the facts.  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: Wow. He is starting to make his brother look like the smart one. But I'm still confused.  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

CUOMO: Well, then you're confused.  

QUESTION: I am confused and I think parents are still --  

CUOMO: I'll tell you what, Jimmy --  

QUESTION: Parents are still confused as well. The schools are --  

CUOMO: No, they are not confused. You're confused.  

QUESTION: No, I think --  

CUOMO: Read the law.  

QUESTION: I think parents are confused as well.  

CUOMO: Read the law and you won't be confused.  

QUESTION: But Governor -- 

CUOMO: Go ahead.  

QUESTION: Following Jimmy's question are the schools going to be open tomorrow?  

CUOMO: The schools are open by state law.  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: About an hour later, Mayor de Blasio shut the schools down. No wonder he is pissed.  

This week, California Governor Gavin Newsom followed Gretchen Whitmer, Lori Lightfoot and Pelosi as the latest Dem to get caught breaking their own COVID rules.  

Newsom was photographed partying with a dozen friends inside the posh restaurant, French Laundry, sounds tasty. He later apologized because he was caught.  

Then on Thursday, he imposed an overnight curfew for 41 counties, including the one where he dined out at the French Laundry.  

Once again, politicians are always immune to the rules they impose on us. We're locked in and they're having a good time outside. Right, big fella?  

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]  

GUTFELD: You find that funny, Emily?  

COMPAGNO: Yes.  

GUTFELD: What if that dog --  

COMPAGNO: The dog.  

GUTFELD: What if that dog was very sick and trying to get to the hospital?  

[LAUGHTER]  

GUTFELD: You make me sick to my -- that dog was trying to get over that fence because it was sick. All right, now you've got me so angry. Do you think Gavin Newsom imposed that curfew so no one could see him eating at restaurants?  

COMPAGNO: Probably.  

GUTFELD: Isn't he a jerk?  

COMPAGNO: Yes.  

GUTFELD: Thank you.  

COMPAGNO: Yes. Yes. He is only sorry that he got caught just like a true hypocrite, right, and that was such a gut punch on multiple levels as a Californian.  

So he is sitting there in one of the counties ravaged by wildfires, where thousands of people are still homeless. This is just like a week after his office sent out that sniping tweet about wearing a mask between bites when you're out with your household.  

He is flanked by like medical officials and lobbyists. He is looking at his phone the whole time. His meal is hundreds of dollars. And meanwhile, a hundred thousand small businesses have shuttered permanently.  

People are being threatened with fines and jail time for gathering with their families inside. Parents are wondering what they're going to do about childcare because public schools are closed.  

"The LA Times" now by the way, has like an obituary, like a full time column set up for small businesses that have closed, where they detail like the stories behind them and all about the business or whatever.  

So yes, Governor Newsom is a jerk. He is a hypocrite and again, as a Californian, I hope that voters end Governor Gavin Newsom's political career here.  

TIMPF: People can have funerals.  

GUTFELD: I know.  

TIMPF: They can have funerals, indoors, right? Like, that's less, you know, important than your adviser's 50th birthday party, but you know, obviously, it's not that he thinks that that's more important than to, you know, say goodbye to a loved one the last time you'll see them in their physical form on this Earth. It's just that he thinks he is more important.  

He is more important than someone who couldn't afford, you know, to eat somewhere where it's 350 bucks before booze, you know, not even for an occasion as momentous as an adviser's 50th birthday.  

GUTFELD: I bet it was a barrel of laughs. How dare you diminish an adviser's 50th birthday? You know, they had a lot of good times in the office patting each other on the back.  

TIMPF: Monumentous.  

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. I bet the PowerPoint presentations that they put together were insane. Look, you know what the upside, Tyrus, it is hard to be a hypocrite in the era of like, Instagram and like, you have a good time -- you're having a good time, somebody wants to take a picture and show off. Right?  

MURDOCH: Yes, well, here's the other thing, but real quick, is it funeral er or e if the person is in the casket?  

GUTFELD: I don't --  

MURDOCH: Funeral-e? Or is it er?  

COMPAGNO: The deceased?  

GUTFELD: The deceased.  

MURDOCH: Because, I don't want us to get in trouble.  

TIMPF: The former vehicle of --  

MURDOCH: The woke is watching. And that's the point. That's the problem with woke. And this is why people will -- you'll hear people in there -- at their Starbucks, why do they care for President Trump so much? This is why.  

Why do Republicans time and time again, end up running the Senate in the House or make big changes like we've seen? Why? Because they're not woke. They're not talking -- making these ridiculous proclamations that they themselves know that they're not going to follow, but it sounds good.  

And then when they do get caught, instead of being Trump-esque, let's say, like, yes, I decided I wanted to go out, I figured why not? Sorry, my bad.  

There is more respect in than going I'm profoundly embarrassed. I can't believe it happened. More importantly, if I can have the name and address of the patriot who took my picture, because I really like to get all his social media out there and get him canceled as soon as possible.  

GUTFELD: We're getting to the underlying lie about politics. People say they get into politics for public service, but they are getting to be exempt from the public itself.  

TIMPF: Yes.  

LOFTUS: Absolutely. And listen, Gavin Newsome let's not forget, he was awesome in the first "Die Hard."  

GUTFELD: Yes, he was.  

LOFTUS: As the bad guy doing coke. If he wanted to negotiate with the terrorist --  

GUTFELD: Who was that?  

LOFTUS: Ellis.  

GUTFELD: Yes, it was Ellis that's played by Hart Bochner.  

LOFTUS: Oh my god.  

GUTFELD: Yes. Hart Bochner. I love that guy. Boobie. Boobie.  

LOFTUS: That's Gavin Newsom. Bubbala. Yes, that's Gavin Newsom. The laws just don't apply to them that's why I want to announce, I'm running -- I'm going to run for Governor of California. That's what I want. That's what I want.  

GUTFELD: You'll never get there in that jacket.  

[LAUGHTER]  

LOFTUS: And everything like in New York seems to be like remember that episode of "Seinfeld" where it was opposite day and George just did the -- that's like Cuomo and de Blasio. It's like, in what other reality can you take COVID patients, put them in nursing homes, be responsible for thousands of deaths and go, you know, I'm going to write a book about how to handle COVID. That's what I'm going to do.  

GUTFELD: And also come up with a poster that that -- it's like, these are terrible, terrible ideas.  

LOFTUS: The worst.  

GUTFELD: All right. Speaking of, the blacklisting continues, that's next.  

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)  

ASHLEY STROHMIER, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Ashley Strohmier.  

Another grim milestone in the coronavirus pandemic, cases surpassing 12 million in the U.S. More than 255,000 Americans have died from the virus.  

The C.D.C. is urging Americans not to travel for Thanksgiving. Governors have ordered new mask mandates and limits on social gatherings as cases surge across the nation.  

And new curfew orders start tonight in California. Anyone not conducting essential errands like shopping for groceries must stay home between 10:00 p.m. and 5:00 a.m.  

And Columbia University is temporarily banning 70 students for violating New York City's coronavirus travel policy. A spokesperson says the MBA students visited Turks and Caicos. The students are not allowed to return to campus until December 1st.  

Colleges and universities across the country have struggled to contain outbreaks of the virus.  

I'm Ashley Strohmier. Now back to THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW.  

GUTFELD: They've got a jones to cancel loans. President-elect Biden, if that's his real name, is already calling on Congress to forgive 10 grand in student loan debt for borrowers as part of a coronas -- coronas -- coronavirus relief package. What's it coronas?  

Anyway, but Dems like Chuck Schumer and Liz Warren say Biden should pass an executive order to cancel up to 50 grand per student. Schumer -- Kat just imploded.  

Schumer says it would provide total forgiveness to more than 75 percent of borrowers. But if you're going to cancel debt, why don't you ask why the debt is there to begin with? If only someone smarter than me was out there making this point.  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: If you're going to cancel the debt, why don't you ask why the debt is there to begin with? It's because of the government. Government subsidized these loans, which allowed the tuition to keep inflating and inflating and creating this academic bubble that we have to lance. Right?  

And the only way we can do this is not canceling debt, because that's idiotic. You need to stop these loans, so you could deflate the tuition.  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: Lance that boil, seriously, Emily, would you lance this boil? Anyway, speaking of college, some Harvard grad students have circulated a petition aimed at keeping Trump officials from attending, teaching or speaking at the school.  

After some outcry, they changed the wording to say these officials should be held accountable before they step on campus. The one exception extreme beer pong grandpa.  

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]  

GUTFELD: I would cancel his loans. That should be the requirement, Kat, as a libertarian. If you can do that, we will cancel your loans.  

TIMPF: You can't cancel it, like I don't get how they get away with calling it student loan debt forgiveness, right? It's not forgiveness. Forgiveness is when you absolve someone of a mistake. It is not when you force a completely uninvolved person to pay for the consequences of that mistake.  

That would be like, you know, you get in a fight with your buddy, right? You're like, hey, Brody. You know, I'm upset you drank all my Natty Light and threw up in my Sperry's, but I forgive you.  

But then you go out on the street and punch someone in the face to deal with your anger. That's not forgiveness. That is assault. And I am not okay with that.  

GUTFELD: I'm not okay with anybody named Brody.  

TIMPF: There's never -- never. Never a good one.  

GUTFELD: Yes, it's a good sign.  

TIMPF: He always wears Sperry's, though.  

MURDOCH: So it is not good to get mad at someone else and go punch -- okay, all right, I got it.  

GUTFELD: Yes, you got it.  

TIMPF: Punch the correct person.  

GUTFELD: Tyrus, a lot of these people, they take out loans for educations that don't help them like Critical Race Theory or Gender Studies. Isn't that their choice and it should be on them.  

MURDOCH: I just find it hilarious that we're so focused on: we've got to drop this debt. We've got to drop this debt for college students. I guess, the other people who didn't go to college who ran up credit card debt, a mother, a single mom, paying her bills trying to -- and now she's behind the eighth ball because she started day one at Walmart. Now, she is a General Manager now or whatever.  

But she put herself in huge debt to get there. I guess they don't matter either.  

You know what? We all have dreams in college. I went to college to be a zoologist. I ended up here.  

So, you know what I'm saying. I'm not tagging killer whales in Antarctica, like I had originally planned. But, you know, luckily for me, I earned a scholarship. So I was able to change my major umpteen times, because I had earned a scholarship.  

But when you get into loans, and you don't quite go where you need to go, there's a life lesson there. College isn't for everybody. And maybe you need to think about trade schools or the military sometimes because, you know what, the world needs ditch diggers, too, you know what I'm saying. That's just being real.  

I just feel like if you went to college and you ran up a loan because a lot of it went to Cabo. Let's keep it real.  

GUTFELD: Yes, I almost did that.  

MURDOCH: Let's keep it real.  

GUTFELD: I almost took out a loan for spring break.  

MURDOCH: Yes, there was a lot of that.  

LOFTUS: You should have done it. They are going to forgive it.  

MURDOCH: I feel like that's the wrong way to go.  

TIMPF: I've got to have the upper body strength to be a ditch digger.  

GUTFELD: You know what? You're digging your own ditch right now.  

LOFTUS: That's a sad point in your life when you realize, wow, I couldn't even dig ditches anymore.  

GUTFELD: Yes. Well, you know, Tyrus brought up a point about the military. Think about all those young men and women who joined the military in exchange for an education hearing this. What if they got injured in the war while they were getting education?  

How do you make up for that?  

Loft I think you just have to give everybody $500,000.00. Thank you. You just go with the whole AOC plan. It's an unlimited amount. Just give everybody hundreds of thousands. It's ridiculous.  

Maybe we should have a grand like, like the Kryptonian Science Council, where you have a group of people who like -- what was your major? Oh, Transgender Organic Puppetry. Sorry, you've got to pay?  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

LOFTUS: What was your major? Oh, electrician. Okay, you're good to go.  

GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly.  

LOFTUS: Let's just reward the people who actually did stuff we need.  

GUTFELD: If you studied something productive, you get it. Right? If you studied something that was just an ego emotional stroke to make you feel important, you're paying.  

So Emily, again, to the point that Tyrus brought up about credit card debt. What about people who don't go to college? Why not pay off their car debt? Let's say they are cab drivers or delivery people? Why not do that?  

COMPAGNO: I agree with you. I think one of the most ironic statements to me was when Elizabeth Warren said that forgiving student loan debt would be the solution source of biggest stimulus to our economy.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

COMPAGNO: Like, first of all, what about opening the economy? How about you start with that? And then secondly to your point, how about taking away the pension ankle weights that is why tuition is so high, or one of the major reasons why tuition is so high.  

Tuition is not paying for books here, ladies and gentlemen. And I think it also furthers that, frankly, narrative from the far left about the academic elitism, right? And we talked about earlier that unemployment under this President has really plummeted.  

And to me, the most interesting figure is the unemployment rate of those without high school diplomas, which has fallen to levels that was never seen since they started recording these numbers. And it's almost half of when the President took office.  

That to me is absolutely crushing that narrative. And also in my opinion, sort of equalizing things racially and socioeconomically far more than those degrees do and those debts do that somehow matter more than those people who have racked up debt, caring for themselves and their families.  

But I mean, from the left, that wouldn't be achieved unless a Democrat was in office, apparently.  

GUTFELD: Emily, you supplied a lot of information in that response, and I greatly respect it.  

COMPAGNO: I went to school for it.  

GUTFELD: Very good. Very good. You paid for it.  

LOFTUS: He is using the Professor voice.  

GUTFELD: Oh, yes. I used the Professor voice.  

LOFTUS: You threw the Professor voice.  

COMPAGNO: Do I get an A?  

GUTFELD: I feel like I was bathed with knowledge. I need to towel off in the break.  

Coming up, besides looks, what does George Clooney and I have in common? That's next.  

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)  

GUTFELD: Do they care about charity or just popularity? In a new article, George Clooney claims he once filled suitcases full of cash to give his 14 closest friends $1 million each.  

I'd hate to be his 15th closest friend. Am I right, Emily? Thank you.  

Clooney claims he was saying thank you to those who helped him the most, including Rande Gerber, who together with Clooney founded a liquor brand so he needed the money.  

You can read about this story in Clooney's new book, "How to Start Awesome Rumors about Yourself to Make you Look Awesome." I don't think that's a real book, but anyway, the star of "Happy Gilmore" tweeted how depressed he was that my charity zoom call got more bids on eBay than his.  

Yes, I don't know what's worse being criticized by poor Ben Stiller or that he thinks I'm on "Fox and Friends." Do I look that much like Ainslie Earhart? Be honest.  

But hey, it's all for a good cause, and to Ben's credit, he offered to do a joint Zoom call with me to raise even more cash which I politely declined. I mean, why do I want to lower myself that that level?  

Anyway, as for my Zoom call, all the money goes to wounded vets. So I hope the highest bidder wasn't this guy.  

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]  

GUTFELD: I think the big question is, where was her hand? Because that sound, was it natural? Tyrus, what is the moral to George Clooney's story?  

MURDOCH: I'm sorry. Every time I hear you say moral, I just get all kinds of weird, you know, like --  

LOFTUS: It's like a ghost.  

MURDOCH: Yes, it's just -- yes, okay.  

GUTFELD: Do you know anybody who would do this? Who would give you a million?  

MURDOCH: No, I don't. They don't have a million. I'm always expected to be the guy to give the million, you know, apparently, the going rate of being on TV is greatly inflated who are not --  

GUTFELD: It's true.  

MURDOCH: Yes, like, hey, I'm trying to start a business. Why are you telling me for man?  

TIMPF: Congrats.  

MURDOCH: Yes, 40 minutes a week doesn't get stretched that far, bruhs. Listen, again, I think you have a great point with, this is like the rumor that you kind of put out? That will be the type of rumor that I put out. You know, like you're not going to put the other kinds of rumors.  

Or you put something like that out to maybe defuse some other stuff, so usually guys in Hollywood who have gotten to a certain level are hardly ever characterized as giving and charitable and handing out money. It is usually quite the opposite.  

So hopefully George Clooney, always look like a cool guy to me, so I'm going to say, good for you, man. Happy for you  

GUTFELD: You know what I would do, Michael? I would do the suitcases, but also include one of those paint filled dye packs.  

MURDOCH: You would. You would. He would.  

GUTFELD: And so, it would explode and then the money -- the money would be permanently marked by my generosity.  

LOFTUS: There you go, as it should be.  

GUTFELD: As it should be.  

LOFTUS: I have to be honest. I had actually heard this story about Clooney a while ago. I've met George very briefly a couple of times. He is insanely nice.  

GUTFELD: Yes, he is very -- he is very generous.  

LOFTUS: Like he is such a cool dude, he should use it as a superpower. Like we forgave him for ruining "Batman." Right?  

MURDOCH: Well, did he really ruin "Batman"? Or did "Batman" kind of ruin "Batman"?  

LOFTUS: Well, but I would say, the nipples on the suit did it.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

LOFTUS: But on the other side, I love the Ben Stiller thing so much. I love that it bothers him. Because you just know that it does.  

GUTFELD: Yes. I've been told he is an incredible --  

LOFTUS: Oh, he is tossing and turning. "Gutfeld, how did I lose?"  

MURDOCH: Well, well, sorry to correct you, you only turn one way Blue Steel, so he is only turning one way.  

GUTFELD: The story, Emily is that he went on -- we are all doing this charity Zoom call for wounded vets and I was getting more money and I ended up getting more money from my call than Ben Stiller did and he actually went on Twitter and moaned about how it affected him.  

MURDOCH: And through this, let's not forget this, a little bit, he tried to act like he didn't know who you were.  

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.  

MURDOCH: You're at least a foot taller than Kilmeade.  

COMPAGNO: Well, for that I hate him.  

GUTFELD: Thank you.  

COMPAGNO: I have a big trunk, Greg, so you can come to me for that. Look, you guys, on the Clooney thing. Here's why that was I thought brilliant. We actually -- first of all, he said he has -- there's a warehouse in downtown LA with pallets of cash and that's where he went to.  

So I think after the show, we should all go and find it. And then here's the brilliant part about it. He told his friends that if any of you don't accept it, then none of you get it.  

Oh, it was like friend shaming and you know, it worked. Yes. So we are -- we're ready to have your announcement.  

GUTFELD: Oh, yes.  

COMPAGNO: Thanks in advance.  

GUTFELD: No, I'm telling you, whatever his pal put in that suitcase, you don't want. You don't want. There will be 14 pieces of somebody that crossed me, Kat.  

TIMPF: Ben Stiller. Okay, can't wait. Yes, look, I'm sure he is a nice guy. I just -- the whole like pseudo sort of bragging about himself actually wouldn't bother me.  

If he had even the slightest of difficulty in getting the public to you praise him. Right? Like you remember in 2014 when everyone was just glowing like he married a woman who was only 17 years younger than he is. It is like, wow, and she is a lawyer.  

He is capable of appreciating intelligence in a woman. Like, what a beacon of greatness and virtue. Like no, I'm not doing it, okay? I read that article and you know what? They did not mention what he did about the tax burden and all of that.  

GUTFELD: That's a good point.  

[LAUGHTER]  

TIMPF: They had to go spend a lot of money at H&R block --  

COMPAGNO: It was -- I wouldn't have declared it.  

GUTFELD: No, and then he would have gone to prison.  

TIMPF: He declared it. He screwed them over.  

GUTFELD: Yes, they'd have to give half of that immediately.  

MURDOCH: Kat would find a way to ruin getting a million dollars.  

COMPAGNO: Half a million.  

GUTFELD: You know --  

[LAUGHTER]  

MURDOCH: That is an art form and a skill.  

GUTFELD: But what you're saying is that he is like a glutton for compliments. He doesn't have to do anything. He is George Clooney. But he has to be even better than all of us by giving out $15 million to his buddies who are -- Rande Gerber is actually a really -- apparently really good guy, too. But he is super wealthy.  

TIMPF: Oh, you want to sleep with a woman in her 40s? Well, Mother Teresa. Like shut up.  

LOFTUS: I think that's very kind of him and that gives -- that puts him in the Hollywood Hall of Fame.  

GUTFELD: That is true. That is true. Exactly. All right.  

MURDOCH: "The Air Up There," Walter Kirn. Walter Kirn shout out.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

COMPAGNO: I am 41.  

LOFTUS: No, you're not.  

COMPAGNO: Yes, I am.  

LOFTUS: You could marry George Clooney.  

MURDOCH: Well, not now.  

GUTFELD: When he is 80. When he is 80.  

LOFTUS: Sorry.  

GUTFELD: What's your cat trying to tell you? Your cat, not our Kat.  

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)  

GUTFELD: I heard it on the grapevine or was it from someone's feline, a former Amazon engineer -- aren't they all -- who worked at Alexa has developed a new app called Meow Talk, which claims it can translate cats meows to help them communicate with the humans around them.  

He says cats have nine basic intentions -- that's interesting -- including I'm happy and I'm hungry and that all of them are included in the app. Right?  

I asked Kat to try it on her cat, Chins. Here's how that went.  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

TIMPF: So, I have the app on my phone. I'm so excited to try it out. All right. Chins, how are you doing?  

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I can't stop thinking how awful THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW is.  

TIMPF: Excuse me?  

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's so elementary and loathsome. I find it offensive that you would even associate with such an uncultured tasteless rube.  

TIMPF: Wait? Really?  

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's unconscionable that a no talent hack like Greg Gutfeld is granted precious air time to spew such mindless drivel. The only way to save this sophomoric show would be to hire me immediately. I could add it to my resume.  

TIMPF: Resume?  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: So I asked you to do like this little funny skit, Kat, and what do you do? You just used it as an opportunity to trash me? Is that what you did? 

TIMPF: No. Here's the thing, Greg.  

GUTFELD: And who's the dude?  

MURDOCH: Gene did it. Gene did it. It was Gene. The --  

TIMPF: The app does not work. The app does not work and that's the bad news. The good news is, I talk to him all the time anyway, so that's how I know it doesn't work. He does not speak like that, okay. He doesn't talk like that.  

I say, hey, Chins. How are you doing? He would never say that. I need more chips. I am starving. And I'll say Chins, like, I know you're hungry. But you've got to watch your weight because you could get diabetes. Well, I keep playing -- I have three more years, if I have to live like that, I am already dead.  

GUTFELD: That's very Kart Mannish.  

TIMPF: Anybody else who has a speech impediment he would say, impediment, okay. Because listen, Greg, I'm serious. Look, I have a nameplate necklace of Chins like we're in for weeks. Do you think that I would wear a nameplate necklace of someone I don't speak to? No, that'd be insane.  

GUTFELD: It is.  

TIMPF: How weirdo do you think I am? It doesn't work?  

GUTFELD: I would -- Emily, I would -- I would rather hear from a tortoise like somebody that's been around the planet for a long time, has a lot of wisdom packed under that shell. Why a cat? Tortoises would have a lot of stuff they could share.  

COMPAGNO: That's really smart. My favorite part was how this guy when he tried it on his own cat. The translation was, leave me alone. I'm angry. Like even the cats hate the cat people of the tech world.  

GUTFELD: Oh, that's true. That's true. I hate them as well.  

LOFTUS: That's all that cats ever going to say.  

[LAUGHTER]  

LOFTUS: Like all the cat is ever going to say is I plot your death while you sleep. It is my plan to kill you. I'm going to kill you when you're sleeping.  

[LAUGHTER]  

TIMPF: He talks a lot about border security.  

GUTFELD: Oh, really?  

TIMPF: He's a big Trump guy. Yes. He runs around the house going (gibberish).  

LOFTUS: Secretly down deep, no one trusts their cat. They really don't. Seriously, if you could double the size of your cat, you wouldn't want it in your house.  

TIMPF: I don't trust anyone else.  

GUTFELD: It would kill you. By the way, if you fall that's why -- you know, do you know Tyrus the reason why they invented the Life Alert bracelet, it is because they knew cats would eat you if the paramedic didn't get there in time.  

MURDOCH: And where else are we going to get great classics like "I've fallen and I can't get up." Help is on the way ma'am. We'll be right there.  

GUTFELD: Yes. Then she goes. No, not you. I prefer the white man.  

MURDOCH: Yes. We took a cat segment to get that in. Now, you know what -- now Gene, I don't feel so bad. I know he was upset he dyed his hair. You didn't notice because that's what this was all about.  

GUTFELD: Why does it single guy in the office dye his hair?  

MURDOCH: You know what that's not for me to figure out.  

GUTFELD: He is in his 30s forever.  

MURDOCH: But this app straight up they're like the ghost apps -- this was an app for somebody who's just trying to sell money.  

[LAUGHTER]  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

MURDOCH: This is a joke, ghost apps. Your cat talking. Do you really need your pets to talk to you?  

TIMPF: Yes.  

MURDOCH: Like if you haven't figured out they already communicate with you.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

MURDOCH: I mean, for real, they're going to have an app for like, what your wife really means?  

GUTFELD: No.  

MURDOCH: Like, you don't know. You know what I am saying. You know what I am saying, like, you want to hear so that you get mad twice?  

GUTFELD: That's actually a brilliant point. It's better not to know.  

MURDOCH: Yes, because it's just going to put more pressure on you to do stuff with the cat. The cat says I think I might have a serious illness then you've got to do something about it.  

MURDOCH: You stole me from my mother. I saw nightmares from the day you pulled me out of my box. Why am I here? Open the door so I can get away. I hate you. You want to hear that from your cat?  

GUTFELD: Yes, I caught the last part of what you were saying. And I thought you meant something else.  

[LAUGHTER]  

TIMPF: I thought that, too.  

[LAUGHTER]  

GUTFELD: Yes. More show, next.  

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)  

GUTFELD: We are out of time. Thanks to Emily Compagno, Michael Loftus, Kat Timpf, Tyrus. I am Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America. I really do.  

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