This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," November 3, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Who voted? Who voted?
(Cheering and Applause)
TRUMP: Let me see it again. Who voted?
(Cheering and Applause)
TRUMP: Then what the hell am I doing here tonight?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GREG GUTFELD, HOST, THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW: Entertaining the crap out of us. All right. Welcome. Welcome to our live election special. As you can tell, we spared no expense. Not one, but two American flags. Thank you. I stole them off Hannity's desk. It is Saturday night, he won't notice. This is when he teaches the National Anthem two bald eagles. Very patriotic.
Now, the midterms are hours away and people are feeling the strain. Lots of stress and anxiety out there and of course it doesn't help with this guy scaring everyone.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CHRIS CUOMO, ANCHOR, CNN: There are some spooky suggestions that demand a fact check and we have that treat for you. See what I could do?
You get a choice of trick-or-treat on Halloween, right? But you get no choice except to feast on facts on this show.
The hypocrisy, the nonsense, it's all too scary, even on Halloween. Happy Halloween everybody. Let's get after it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Does he write that stuff himself or does he throw Scrabble letters on the ground and then read whatever he sees? It is amazing. Anyway, a new study claims that Democrats are indeed serving their anxieties with excess food and booze. Here is proof.
This was Chris Matthews two months ago. This is him now. Sad. This was Joe Scarborough a month ago. Look at him. This is him now. This was Alec Baldwin just two weeks ago. This is him now.
As you have heard, he just got arrested for punching someone over a parking space. So I guess, he does not like it when people cut in line. I wonder who stole the space? Was it a Dodge caravan? Thank you. Anyway, so stupid. Joke of the year. All right, but this isn't surprising. Politics can be stressful. A study by Arizona State shows 25% of their students said the last election caused them clinically significant stress.
Now, some reporters said students were actually traumatized but I disagree.
This election, it didn't cause trauma. You know what causes trauma? This.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It could happen to anyone. An election does not go your way and you been obsessively stressing about it ever since.
TOM SHILLUE, RADIO TALK SHOW HOST: Yes, that describes me exactly. It's been two years since Trump won and I am still traumatized. How do I toughen up?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You should try The Trauma Guys.
SHILLUE: What? Is this one of those drugs you always try to get me to try?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No, not at all. It's just a few friendly faces who help you overcome your symptoms. What do you say? You want to give it a shot?
SHILLUE: I don't know. I guess so.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Great.
SHILLUE: Hey, guys. Who are you? What is going on? Where am I?
DANA PERINO, ANCHOR, FOX NEWS: Well, hello. How are you? It is so good to have you here.
SHILLUE: What is this place?
PERINO: Well, this book is about Jasper, it's called "Let me tell you even more about Jasper," it's 1,267 pages long. Now, you can hold on to my little felt Jasper because I am going to read this entire book to you all in one sitting. Chapter one. I first adopted Jasper back in 2012 - (inaudible).
SHILLUE: No. No, make it stop.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So get The Trauma Guys today. It will show you what real trauma is, so you stop being such a [bleep].
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: So, does election stress damage everyone? Nope. Only those who make politics personal, meaning the left, but you, you're going to be fine. If Republicans lose the House, yes it will be sad, but then you'll go hunting. If Republicans win, you'll be pleased, but then you'll go hunting.
I find my viewers go hunting after everything. My point for us, politics isn't personal, it's part of life, but not life itself. It's just another game in a long season, which is why we don't harass people in restaurants. We just tip them. Because we know where we are and where are we?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: We are where it's at. We're the hot country. Can you believe it?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Yes, we're a hot country. Meanwhile, for the left, politics is everything, it's who they are, all they have. They get up, watch MSNBC, hate Trump, go to bed, repeat every day. Right now, there is a story up on CNN saying women should stop having sex with her husbands until they vote their way. Wow. Getting sex advice from CNN. That's like getting sex advice from CNN.
So for the left, the midterm is a lose-lose proposition. If they don't get a big win, they will be distraught. Remember 2016? A million babies with full diapers flinging poop at each other. But if they win, it's not going to be any fun because he is still there. And they hate him just like they hate daddy. This is especially true of the media.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DON LEMON, ANCHOR, CNN: The president of the United States is racist.
JOE SCARBOROUGH, HOST, MSNBC: Even Albert Einstein may have ended up in a Nazi concentration camp with Donald Trump's viewpoint on immigration.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: If you vote for Trump, then you, the voter, you, not Donald Trump are standing at the border like Nazis go , "You here, you here."
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: And these bozos lecture us on civility. Now, don't get me wrong.
I'm all for its civility. Hell, I'm so civil I wash my hands before I go into the restroom. I send flowers after a colonoscopy.
But you spent two years calling the guy Hitler, racist, sexist, a traitor and then you tell us to be nice? I take note lectures from you clowns.
Fact is, what you are really are seeing are Democrats feeling what it's like for the very first time to be Republicans. To be the butt of a joke and so job numbers soar, optimism improves, and GDP grows and they hate it.
The economy is hotter than Lou Dobbs on spring break and they are still glum.
So my advice, no matter what happens on Tuesday, be nice. Let's all show them how to act. Like this guy. Talking to CNN's Jim Acosta.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I just want to apologize for flipping you off in Tampa.
I got carried away. I was asking for facts and not opinions.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's okay. I understand. That's very nice of you to say that.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I do get carried away, so I just want to apologize.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Well, thank you very much.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Thank you very much for the opportunity.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I accept your apology and hope I get to see you again.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, absolutely.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: All right. Thanks a lot. Take care, guys. See you.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Nothing like Santa Claus giving you the finger. So no matter the outcome, you've got to be good. We been called every name in the book forever. It won't change. But neither should you.
We're in this. Let's get after it and welcome tonight's guest. His hair has more curls than my bicep workout. "Washington Times" opinion editor and Fox News contributor Charlie Hurt. He's got a face for radio and up body for medical colleges, Fox News Radio host Tom Shillue. She brings the doom and gloom to the newsroom, "National Review" reporter, Kat Timpf. And Paul Bunyan looks up to him. Former WWE superstar and my massive sidekick, Tyrus.
All right, Charlie, how do you see Tuesday unfolding? Will the Democrats be sore losers or sore winners?
CHARLIE HURT, CONTRIBUTOR, FOX NEWS: I think a little of both. Not, but I think your monologue there was excellent and that really is exactly what is plaguing politics today. You have this huge group of people who want to make politics everything about their life and that is the reason that I think a lot of smart people are suspicious of expanding government and putting government in every aspect of our lives, because we don't want to be part - it should be something that functions for us, not something that governs every aspect of our lives, and it takes over our minds and our hearts makes us miserable or whatever.
GUTFELD: You can't be happy if politics is in every part of your life because it's a miserable thing, politics.
HURT: It is. It is. You know, when we try to be fair, we are always saying, well, you know, both sides do this. Well, this is not true about this. It's not both sides who want to make politics about everything. It really is. It's a leftist sort of ideology that wants to make the government a part of every aspect of your life and it takes over; whereas, like you said, the rest of us just want to go hunting.
GUTFELD: Exactly. Tom, if the Democrats take the House, will it calm that resisters or will it just make them want more?
SHILLUE: Well, it will not calm them, Greg, because no matter what they get, it's not going to be enough.
GUTFELD: Yes.
SHILLUE: Some people think it's going to be - they think there is going to be a blue wave. If they don't get the biggest wave in the world, they're going to be crying. It'll be terrible. They're probably get some seats here and there, but it's not going to be enough. I'm amazed that they are just getting to this study that - or the new story that women are going to stop having sex with their husbands until they get their way? Now, in my experience they been doing that for like 40 years?
GUTFELD: I don't know. Let's shift over to Kat. You are a libertarian
so how much of an effect will that have?
KAT TIMPF, REPORTER, NATIONAL REVIEW: Yes, how much will what have an effect on the election?
GUTFELD: Libertarians.
TIMPF: Being libertarian.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: We'll, we will get a couple of votes.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: It will be you know ..
GUTFELD: Two votes. There will be two specifically two votes.
TIMPF: Well, I'll have a reason ...
GUTFELD: You and Stossel.
TIMPF: Yes, me and John Stossel will vote for the same guy. Larry Sharp for New York. Yes, I got exactly one "woo" from the crowd just now. Larry Sharp.
SHILLUE: Larry, he's out there.
TIMPF: It's Larry, yes. So, you know, I'm going to vote, but I don't know what's going to happen. I know that my guy is not going to win, which is - makes elections very not stressful for me ultimately.
GUTFELD: Yes, it's true. I live in New York. I know anybody I vote for is not going to win.
TIMPF: It's like, you know, I don't leave the house often. I will leave the house to vote, I don't know why but I will. But, I think it's just going to really come down to enthusiasm. The Democrats are really enthusiastic. Polls show that they're more enthusiastic that Republican voters, so Republican voters need to get more enthusiastic about voting.
I know that it's boring. I know you have to wait in a line and there's not even like a roller coaster at the end of it.
GUTFELD: True.
TIMPF: You have to leave your apartment and you don't even get to buy anything or drink anything which is the only reason I leave my apartment and only sometimes.
GUTFELD: Yes, that's true. You usually you have it delivered.
TIMPF: Usually, I have it delivered. I've used Post Mates four times a day.
GUTFELD: You're a sad person. Last word to you, Tyrus.
GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FORMER WWE SUPERSTAR: Thanks. Look, historically, when a President comes and usually the other side get the House and Senate.
GUTFELD: That is true.
MURDOCH: So the Democrats are enthusiastically paranoid and nervous because they might have wrote a check that their behind can't cash. If they get just the House and keep the Senate, that's still and L. Here's the thing. If they get both, go back to Obama. When Obama lost, the House and the Senate, they were like, "Yes, we got him. He's done." So what did the people do? We just gave him another four years, so either way the President is going to win on this because obstruction people just hate, and that's the problem. That is why you'd still be upset. There will soon be bickering and if they get the House, they are going to change the name of the fruit and it is going to N-cherries, N-pies, N-peach and every - and every time they sit at the Senate, it's like it's the same thing. No.
They will just complain more.
GUTFELD: It's never going to get any nicer. That's my prediction.
HURT: And if Republicans hold the Senate, President Trump can fill the Federal bench with good judges and that will be great for him going into 2020.
GUTFELD: All right. Let's talk more about this. Up next, two Trump rallies today. We got more clips from Donald than the White House barber shop.
Can he affect the tally with yet another rally? The President held two of them today; one in Montana and other Florida. That's two states, Kat. But first, Mr. President what you think of me?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: My friend, Greg, he is a tremendous guy.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Yes, I am. Thank you. Thank you. Very sweet. I wonder though is he a happy person.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: I am a happy person. I'm a very happy person. I'm much happier person than you would believe.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Yes, I'm thinking he must be a pretty happy person, but to the boring and important issues, the environment, the border and the death tax, what do you do if you love your children?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: If you love your children, you can leave that farm or the ranch or your logging equipment, your logging stuff, your trees -- you can leave whatever the hell you want if you like them. If you don't like them, then you don't care too much about this particular tax.
Barbed wire used properly can be a beautiful sight. We need more energy, but the wind is not blowing? One thing with coal, that sucker, just keep piling it in there, right?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Oh, my god, he has got to be reelected. What about the fake news?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: The fake news, one particular person said he said that they are going to get Rolls Royce's and that is not true. Do you believe it? You can't tell a joke with these people.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I like it when he imitates them. The guy makes jokes. You think the president of Turkmanistan makes jokes? No, he does this. All about perspective, people. Tom, that looked like you at the gym - do these rallies help? You know what it does? It's fun, right? When he's out there, it's fun versus fury. So you've got mobs on one side, but you've got rallies on the other.
SHILLUE: Everyone is having a good time. Did you see those people with the headdresses on?
GUTFELD: Yes, I think they were actually Native Americans.
SHILLUE: They were?
GUTFELD: I think so.
SHILLUE: Well, I mean, well, whatever. They are having a ball.
GUTFELD: They are.
SHILLUE: And you know, that is the whole thing. They talk about rallies. It's all the Trump rally and everyone is hating and they are having a great time. I saw Obama at a rally the other day and somebody was getting thrown out of his rally and he said - oh, they're getting thrown out, whatever - you know, why was that not hateful? Everyone was screaming for Obama, it's just everyone is having a good time. Everyone is expressing themselves, we should be happy about it. I'm a more happy person than you think, Greg.
GUTFELD: Really?
SHILLUE: Yes, I'm very, very happy.
GUTFELD: Well, I try to avoid you because I find you very creepy. Tyrus, I think these rallies are part of the reciprocity equation like Trump says, "Hey, I'm going to come out here and entertain you for free. The least you could do is vote."
MURDOCH: Well, this thing is crazy - that you avoid people for being creepy. That's really an oxymoron because everyone avoids you because you're really creepy, but you know what? This is one of the thing about having a transparent President. And he likes to go say hi to the people that voted for him. It's like a concert. It's like a road tour. This is what keeps people excited and they will show up - they might not show up for the midterms. They might not show up for the Senate, or the House, but they are going to show up for him when the time comes because they feel like they know him. He's part of their living room.
GUTFELD: Yes. He's your crazy lovable uncle. The kind that comes to your house and gives you a pocket wad of money and then leaves.
TIMPF: I've got to get me some better uncles. I can't remember the last time anyone handed me a wad of cash. It might be in some ways be a good thing.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: But he is definitely like that and these rallies are definitely more fun than anything I've ever seen. I mean, I watch these people at these rallies and have like resting smile face.
GUTFELD: Yes, they do.
TIMPF: They are so excited, just like hey, it's Donald Trump. They are so excited and they are so happy. They look like they're having more fun than any party I've ever been to and I am very fun at parties. I'm a fun girl.
GUTFELD: You sit alone in a corner and you look at pictures of you and your cat.
TIMPF: Just because you caught me looking at a picture of my cat during the break does not mean that all I do is look at pictures of my cat, only sometimes.
GUTFELD: It predicts that you probably do it all the time. Charlie, what do you make of his rallies? Do you think they help?
HURT: Oh, without a doubt. It's interesting, from the very beginning, so many of the geniuses in the media and they say, this is an insult, but they say that's he's like a carnival barker.
GUTFELD: Like an insult.
HURT: Yes, and he is kind of like a carnival barker. He knows how to whip up a crowd. He knows how to entertain and it's masterful and it's the first person in - certainly, in my lifetime on the national stage where we've had a politician who is capable of doing that.
The other thing that I love about Donald Trump is he is a guy who is willing - he builds up political capital and he spends it. Most politicians are terrified of spending their political capital because all they care about is keeping their jobs and winning the next election, but this guy will go wherever he needs go. He will spend all - I mean, he is going to bankrupt his political capital spending in order to get senators elected or to save the house.
GUTFELD: Yes, I just like the fact that when he is up there, he talks like nobody I've ever heard talk as a politician. He talks like the way some politicians talk privately. And so you have all of these politician saying, "Oh, he's so mean. The rhetoric is of course," no, that's the rhetoric you use about your rivals when you're in the green room or when you're at home, but he just happened to do it to your face, which I think is like - so maybe you don't like it, but at least, it's honest for god's sake.
MURDOCH: It's wrestling one-on-one. This is wrestling WWE one-on-one. He comes out, he cuts a promo, he buries his opponent, he light up the crowd, see you next week. Deuces, I'm out. He comes back every week. Tune in.
Guess what I'm going to say next week? And guess what? Everybody does.
GUTFELD: Of course, all right, up next, Michael Avenatti is running either for president or from the police. You decide. (inaudible) Monologues, I swear, live in Grand Rapids, Michigan; San Antonio, Texas as well. Plus a special guest, Tom Shillue who won't be swearing.
EBONI K. WILLIAMS, CORRESPONDENT, FOX NEWS: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Eboni K. Williams. More than 30 million Americans have already voted ahead of Tuesday's critical midterm elections. That total covers 48 states and several are still collecting absentee ballots. At least 28 states have surpassed early voting totals from 2014 and states with competitive Senate or governor races such as Texas, Nevada, Georgia are nearly doubling voting in 2014. Analyst on both sides of the aisle say turn out could reach 50% and that has not been done since midterm voting in the 1960s.
At least two people died after a severe storm caused an Amazon warehouse to partially collapse in Baltimore. One of the victims was an adult male trapped under debris. He was rescued, but later died from his injuries.
Now, back to Gutfeld.
GUTFELD: He's bald, he's broke and he is back. Yes, Michael Avenatti aka "The Litigating Lollipop, aka The Courtroom Cue Ball, aka The ambulance Chasing a-hole. Seems to be running for President. And his campaign ad was a joy to behold if by joy you mean a litany of misery.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Enough with the lies.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Enough with the cover ups.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Enough with the bigotry.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Enough with the misogyny.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Enough.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Enough.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Enough.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: We deserve better than this.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Stop with the empty promises.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No more thoughts and prayers.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: If you put big money first and us, second; your time is done.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Done.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Done.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We are the majority and will not be ignored.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Well, they seem like fun. They remind me of every single person who's ever been in front of me arguing with a cashier. It said it was on sale in the newspaper. It says here you take checks. But I wonder if we do it together will we win?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: If we do it together, we will win.
MICHAEL AVENATTI, FOUNDER, THE FIGHT PAC: Stand up, join the fight club, use your vote as your voice on November 6th.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Here's the good news. He will never win. I think people will be more impressed by this person.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CRIS ERICSON, AMERICAN MARIJUANA LEGALIZATION ACTIVIST: You went to register to vote? You want to interview me now? Will want me to tell them
about the Chinese rifles? You think they ought to know? Now you want me
to explain about free prison labor. Okie-dokie, if you vote for me, Squeeky, I am going to go get that money. I'm going to get a share of the profit. You are darn right. I hope you vote for me, Squeeky. Yes, Squeeky, I really hope you vote for me.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: That's Cris Ericson who is running for Governor of Vermont. Go ahead and laugh, this is their senator. Tyrus, Avenatti seems like he's tapped into the ferociously miserable and angry populations. Like these are the people who send food back at a free buffet.
MURDOCH: These are his old clients that listen just to him. Those were people complaining about him. He took their money, he did not help them out, enough with the lies. You guys didn't get that?
GUTFELD: That is so funny.
MURDOCH: He's broke. He was like, "Yo, give me all the videos of everyone
complaining about me and then put me on the end of it." It wasn't even
the same area. It was everybody outside his office. You lied to me. You took my money, enough. We are not going to stand for this. Enough with the bigotry.
GUTFELD: Charlie, it's like everybody in thet ad reminded me - they are like the member of the family that you don't want at the Holiday dinner because they will lecture you on like how evil pilgrims are.
HURT: Yes, I think Tyrus is definitely on to something. When he talks about - it's not the me presidency. Talk about a guy, Avenatti, who is - this guy is a narcissist of the highest order. He has made this whole thing about him. He has managed to earn millions and millions of dollars in free airtime while his clients, Stormy Daniels, is still dancing in clubs and getting beer bottles thrown at her outside of Richmond.
GUTFELD: And the worst thing about it is, she is his client and she has to pay Trump. The legal fees.
HURT: And who got her into that?
GUTFELD: Yes, it was Avenatti.
MURDOCH: So is it safe to say that he ruined a porn star's life?
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: Don't vote for that.
GUTFELD: Tom, I mean, people made fun of Trump for being an out-of-the-box candidate ...
SHILLUE: Well, that's it. Democrats are always looking for the Democrat version of Trump and they think they have it in Avenatti, but they don't get it. The swing voter in this country says things like, well, Trump is belligerent, but I like the results. I like what he is doing, and Avenatti is like, I'm belligerent. Nobody likes me. They're like, no that's not the part we like about Trump. That's the part we put up with to get the good stuff.
GUTFELD: Yes, it's like, yes we'll fight fire with fire. I'll just take all of his bad qualities.
SHILLUE: Exactly.
GUTFELD: Yes, he has no real resume, Kat, I think.
TIMPF: Right, I don't know why anyone would listen to this guy. He's like reverse King Midas. Everything he touches turns to crap. Think about it. Stormy Daniels, the Kavanaugh confirmation. He works tirelessly to ruin people's lives that he is trying to help. I think if he runs, he should run as a Republican because I don't know anyone who has helped the Republicans quite as much as he has.
GUTFELD: That is true. All right. We shall end on that note, celebrities are reminding you to get out to vote. I wish they would remind me to floss instead. My teeth hurt.
They are putting the pressure on with a telethon. Jane Fonda and Amy Schumer are among the celebrities participating in the telethon for America on Monday night. It will be streamed online and is described as a nonpartisan effort to get out the vote because when you think nonpartisan, you think "Yes, Hanoi Jane."
Unlike traditional telethons where you call and you pledge money, with this one, you call up and Jane answers and you pledge to her that you will vote and that is exactly who we want to vote. It is who will vote only if a vacuous celebrity talks to them. Meanwhile, he are some more famous women reminding you to vote.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CHER, AMERICAN ARTIST: What matters to you?
JODIE FOSTER, AMERICAN ACTRESS: Civility.
LILY TOMLIN, AMERICAN ACTRESS: Kindness.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Dignity.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Freedom of the press.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Freedom of speech.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: All of our freedoms.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Do they matter?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Seriously.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Seriously.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Do they matter to you?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Then vote.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: They are not telling you how to vote, they are merely suggesting you are going to lose all your freedoms if you don't. Which is ridiculous.
We will always be free to do this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Flamingo.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I don't want to live in a world where I can't do that. Kat, the ad featured all female celebrities talking about issues that were specific to females. What did you make of it?
TIMPF: I found it irritating.
GUTFELD: Really.
TIMPF: Yes, I am a woman.
GUTFELD: True.
TIMPF: Right.
GUTFELD: So far.
TIMPF: Yes. And I hate when people tell me to vote as a woman because I don't vote as a woman, I vote as an American. I care about the economy. I care about my freedoms. I care about the Second Amendment. I care about a lot of things that men also care about. I am a person, I am not just a woman, I'm an actual human person which is so funny that people on the left are supposed to be the ones that are all social justice-y and feminist, but they look down on any woman who does not vote Democrat. I don't vote Democrat, a lot of women don't vote Democrat and they all really need to get over it and stop acting like I am lesser than or less of a woman because I don't.
GUTFELD: Amen. So Tyrus, the telethon is - telethons are for curing or treating diseases, so the message here is I guess that Trump is a disease, call now. Right?
TIMPF: Yes, that is your question.
MURDOCH: I pick up the phone.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: I call in. And I hear a raspy old boy says hey, "It's Jane. You promise to vote?" Yeah. Click. That's it?
GUTFELD: That's it.
MURDOCH: #notme. I don't want that.
GUTFELD: #notme. Yes, it is kind of scary, Charlie - they are attracting a voter who wouldn't vote unless they could talk to a famous person. Those are the people I don't want voting.
HURT: Yes, I don't get it all. But what I love is - literally every two years, celebrities come back out thinking that people care what they have to say about who we should vote for. Just ask Hillary Clinton. It didn't work out very well, but they always forget the lesson that they were supposed to learn about how we don't care what celebrities think. And they had a good run there for eight years with Obama, but President Obama would win elections in spite of the celebrities, not because of the celebrity endorsements.
GUTFELD: That's true.
MURDOCH: Don't tell them that.
GUTFELD: Yes, we want them to keep doing it. Tom, what if a video was done by all men, right, and it was all male celebrities. Could you imagine the hell that would get if and it was like - and all they did was the issues that Kat mentioned like economy and jobs and second amendment? That would freak people out, right?
SHILLUE: It really would, Greg. We should do one.
GUTFELD: I think so.
SHILLUE: I'll do it.
GUTFELD: Yes, I think you'd be great at it.
SHILLUE: I start - when I watch these vide - I start to talk like them.
Really, seriously. Seriously.
MURDOCH: That was a lot of seriously.
GUTFELD: That was a lot of seriously.
MURDOCH: That was a lot of seriously.
SHILLUE: But Greg, how dare you make fun of them. This is a nonpartisan event. All of these women, they don't care what party you are in, whether it's the Democratic Party, the Communist Party, it's all the same.
GUTFELD: It is all the same. By the way, we are having a telethon right now, it's a live show so if you call the number on your screen, you will win this My Pillow box. The My Pillow box. If you don't see a number on your screen then that means you have to send me $30.00 in cash. Thirty dollars. And I get to keep the box.
Up next, Ben & Jerry's has a new flavor, but we also have a few of our own.
They want you to take part as they clog your heart. Ben & Jerry's - the left-wing ice cream and fat people maker announced a new flavor called Pecan Resist that seeks to inspire activism against Donald Trump. The company says the ice cream will quote "Lick injustice and championing those fighting to create a more just and equitable nation for all of us," while also making you fat, and prone to obesity related diseases like diabetes and hypertension.
Oh, wait, they did not mention that part. How convenient. Anyway, it inspired us to make some flavors of our own. But flavors that actually reflect the results and effects of this current White House. Like this one. Raisin' Wages. Or how about this one? Gobs O' Jobs. Or what about this one? Kim Jong Yum. Nothing tastes better than world peace, and my favorite Double Judge Fudge.
This one is still in the making. It's Build the Wall-nut. We cannot forget Trump's effect on the media. Here is Chunky Flunky dedicated to Brian Stelter. And I think our staff's favorite, Sugar Spice and candidates who lost twice.
Charlie, are Ben & Jerry's just too really fat Marlboro men?
HURT: Yes.
GUTFELD: They're not selling cigarettes, they're selling saturated fat.
HURT: That is true. That is true. Yes, that is absolutely true, but this goes back to your opening monologue, which is exactly ...
GUTFELD: Personal.
HURT: These people want to make everything about politics. Until politics invades every single aspect of our lives including your midnight snack in your most private moment when you are alone in the kitchen in the darkness, they won't be happy.
GUTFELD: I know. I know. Kat, ice cream is supposed to be an escape.
It's supposed to be fun.
TIMPF: I actually think that this is a huge win for Donald Trump because I am a millennial which means that attention is my currency.
GUTFELD: That's true.
TIMPF: I love attention. If some ice cream company was paying so much attention to me that they made a flavor about how much I sucked. I would be thrilled. I would buy it. I would videotape myself eating it like you are right, I do kind of suck. Why are you so obsessed with me?
GUTFELD: Tyrus, what is wrong. How do you feel?
MURDOCH: First of all, I don't like fighting about ice cream. I think
that is crossing the border. Like that's there's a Baskin-Robbins in Louisiana who is like, "Hi, Tyrus. Banana split, Tyrus." "You know I want it." And ice cream is supposed to be a happy time. I go to it to get away from everybody.
So the fact that you're bringing in - here is the sad part. Well, Ben & Jerry's - there goes business. You just blew it. You just pissed off 66 million people. This never works. Every time - merchandise is for everyone, Ben and Jay, if you make resistance then you can make like white privilege crunch. Do something fair for everybody. You know what I'm saying? Racist ramble. Have something for everybody. You know what I'm saying, because then you won't lose sales. Whenever you go away from everybody, you lose half your business.
GUTFELD: Yes, that's so true.
SHILLUE: Except for Fox News.
GUTFELD: Tom, their product, I have to say is so addictive and delicious that it overrides human self-preservation, right? Because you will eat an entire tub knowing that it will reduce your survival by increasing risk for disease.
SHILLUE: Do you love Ben & Jerry's? I find it ...
GUTFELD: I can't have it in the house, can't have it in the house. I'll
eat it in one sitting. Sitting on a toilet. Sorry - I almost made it to the end of the show.
MURDOCH: There ain't one happy. Sick.
GUTFELD: It's just because it's a nice quiet place to eat a whole tub of chocolate.
SHILLUE: I think their ice cream is liberalism. There's too much stuff in it, ooh, too many ingredients that tries to be all things to all people, but it ends up failing.
GUTFELD: Interesting. I bet you like vanilla ice cream because it is white.
SHILLUE: I eat vanilla ice cream.
MURDOCH: At room temperature. Vanilla ice cream at room temperature.
GUTFELD: That is gross.
MURDOCH: But here's the other thing. I was just thinking about it, like if you eat ice cream a lot enough be like I'm getting resistance ice cream because - chances are, you'll never get your behind off the couch to go vote anyway. Your chubby self is eating ice cream and watching reality TV.
So Trump wins again.
GUTFELD: Please, eat this. It's not a winning. It's not a winning formula.
MURDOCH: Have you ever seen a protester go, "We shall not ..." and they're eating their ice cream while they are marching. No, it's a guy going, "I'm going to go next week, dog. I'll be ..." What? I'm lying?
GUTFELD: No, I believe you ....
MURDOCH: In your family, the guy on the couch eating ice cream, is he a go-getter? Is he the breadwinner? Or is he the one going, "We've got to get him out, honey." "We've got to get him out."
GUTFELD: All right, more stuff after this. Don't go anywhere.
Real quick, I want to tell you about Fox Nation, the new premium subscription service. It goes up November 27th. You can get daily live opinion shows on-demand. You're going to see me, Tyrus and even Tom Shillue. All your favorite Fox hosts and if you become a founding member today, you will get exclusive merchandise that is only available until November 27th. So sign up now at foxnation.com.
All right, also, I want to remind everybody that tomorrow, we have a special edition of "The Five." Sunday at 5:00 p.m. Isn't that exciting? We are going to be outside, too. I know. Don't forget to look out for me and Tom. Tom, we're going to be performing together ...
SHILLUE: Five dates in December.
GUTFELD: Yes.
SHILLUE: Get the tickets now.
GUTFELD: All right, Charlie, well done.
HURT: Well, thank you.
GUTFELD: You could use some new pants though. Tom, excellent. Kat, great job. Tyrus, awesome.
Thank you, audience. I love you, America!
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