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Gutfeld: How can we call the Taliban backward?

'Gutfeld!' panel discusses Trump’s new ad about Biden

This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," August 25, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: That's how bad the Democrats are doing. Joe Scarborough is a Republican again.

Super-duper Wednesday, everyone. Yes. All right. Former President Trump just released an ad. And it's really soft on President Biden.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: America is back.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Highest inflation rate in the U.S.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: (INAUDIBLE)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Southern border is --

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We're seeing climb of COVID infections.

BIDEN: We amplify our power. We summon the new strength.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: This is a recruitment --

GUTFELD: Should we be embarrassed?

BIDEN: Diplomacy is back.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Now the Taliban are back.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Kabul is not in an imminent threat environment.

BIDEN: The likelihood is going to be the Taliban overrunning everything and owning the whole country (INAUDIBLE)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Huh. Did I say soft? Sorry about that. That was as soft as Chris Cuomo's skull. Meaning not soft at all. That's a -- Chris Cuomo is watching. You know, he didn't really watch these videos before I do the show. Instead of doing shots of hand sanitizer with Kat. And America, please don't say I told you to drink hand sanitizer, say Kat did. Let's have another taste, shall we?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: They own the whole country now. The Taliban.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: The Talban are now in complete control of Afghanistan.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How did President Biden get this so wrong?

BIDEN: First of all, the mission hasn't failed. Yes. I don't care. If you think I'm Satan reincarnate. Irresponsible. Do I bear responsibility? Zero responsibility.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: China is ready for friendly relations with the Taliban.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: (INAUDIBLE)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Slow down, everybody.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We have to ask the Taliban for permission for American citizens to leave. True or not true?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: They are in control.

BIDEN: I can't think of anyone better to lead this operation than --

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: They're just chanting death to America.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: And you call yourself a president?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Well, much like the Wahlberg parents, I fear that will leave a mark. That is a really terrible joke. And I'm so proud of it. But the video says when everyone outside the media thinks that Joe's a human teabag, and he's always in hot water. We saw yesterday's horrible speech, it had the intimidating power of a refrigerator magnet. It was as inspirational as the list of side effects are in a drug commercial, as energizing as eating a pound of pasta after a stack of pancakes and chasing that with a fistful of Xanax.

He answered fewer questions than the Taliban and split faster than Stelter's pants on Donut Day. And while all minds were on Afghanistan, what did Biden lead with? The progressive's greatest hits, all aimed at us and not them.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BIDEN: That today's vote in the House allowed them to consider my build back better agenda, a broad framework to make housing more affordable. Provide two years of free universal high quality pre-K, and two years of free community college. Making infrastructure more resilient to climate -- to the climate crisis and so much more. Look, I also want to thank everyone who voted to support the John Lewis Voting Rights Act.

You know, advancing as an act to restore and expand voting protections to run voter suppression and a screw the most sacred of American rights. The right to vote freely, right to vote fairly and the right to have your vote counted.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So first, you got free stuff, which at least didn't go to the Taliban. Still, it's sort of like when your wife gives you a crappy Christmas gift bought with your money. Sorry. Our money except here, it leads to inflation and unemployment. Yes, thank god she's now watching. We got voter suppression without any evidence that it exists. We got climate change, which must be good news for the Taliban.

Because according to Newsweek, the Taliban is now vowing to fight global warming, which you know, I don't doubt everybody agrees one cause of climate change is overpopulation. And you can argue no one has done more to bring the number of people on this planet down than the Taliban. At the rate they kill people. Carbon emissions will be a problem in a couple of months. But that's the thing with Joe's pressers. Does he ever have a real answer? Or does he just play with his wheel have excuses?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: OK. This is how we get ready for a press conference. Here we go. You're going to have to ask Jen Psaki. Yes. She's good. She's good. Look, I inherited this thing. All right? Not enough people are wearing their masks. There was like four or five days ago. Come on man. Asset again, but just change the words. Just walk away. What does that mean? Oh, that's me. Oh, I got to just walk away. Here we go. Just walk away. Oh, this is easy part.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Here's the weirdest thing. How does everyone else know the right thing to do? Except the people in charge. I get it. There's no such thing as a clean solution. But the execution began with a flawed premise. It's the prison of two ideas. We stay forever or we get out. Sounds a lot like marriage. But you could have redefined the mission the way a football coach makes adjustments at halftime or in this case late in the fourth quarter.

You could have left the place in the right order. American citizens first allies and troops. Seriously, how can we call the Taliban backward when everything we did was backward. You could have blown up all the stuff so we didn't build them a new army free of cost. I believe that's on page two and how to win a war for dummies. So why is this so easy for a chuckle bucket like me to come up with?

A chuckle buckets still drunk on Kat's hand sanitizer. Because maybe it's just harder for Joe. Joe F'd it up just like Obama and Osama said he would, like he's F'd up everything. Remember when Biden said the likelihood there's going to be the Taliban over running everything and owning the whole country is highly unlikely. Joe Biden probably doesn't remember saying that. So it's not the decision to leave, that's the problem.

It's that we elected someone who couldn't preside over the changing of his socks, much less than changing of a government. Fifth graders could beat him in a game of risk. But we can't blame him. He never hit his incompetence. The guy was the epitome of the inside the beltway sponge, soaking up all the perks. He was more for sale than T.V.s before the Super Bowl. Now the blame goes to the media who papered over is bottomless incoherence.

Who pretended there was nothing weird about a candidate who barely campaign from his basement, who buried the Hunter like that Biden laptop story. Who portrayed Trump as the real unstable one. This from deep state geniuses who are write less often than a college football player on his essay tease. You know, I'm not sure if I can even blame the Afghan President for scramming, lacking faith in Biden versus knowing what the Taliban will do to you?

What's your choice? Obviously, the biggest bonehead move of all is thinking the government could hold off the Taliban for months. I mean, why fight when the guy backing you has less job security than an incoming host of Jeopardy. How did they miss that? When it was as obvious as the wig on Brian Kilmeade's said. So it comes down to one word, accountability, we need to account for the corruption as well as the incompetence.

We need to ask how they came to this strategy. Was it based on a memo rather than on men? Was it based on consensus rather than reality? Whose opinions mattered most and why? Who scoffed at a rapid Taliban takeover? Maybe none of them scoffed at it, and they were lying to us all along. So now we've abandoned thousands of allies. Something I couldn't see Trump doing. Oddly being America first often has the secondary effects of helping those who help us.

That's right, media. The guy who called Hitler for four years had more compassion than any of your dumb ideas of the last decade. So instead, we went from America First, to Biden's America's worst. It's no build back better, just more accurate.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. She's the reason Jim Acosta goes to therapy. "OUTNUMBERED" co-host Kayleigh McEnany. She's such a strong anchor. We use it a dock by yacht on the weekend. Fox Business correspondent Susan Li. He's so handsome. Other Marines call him Semper vine. Retired U.S. Marine Corps bomb technician and Fox News Contributor, Johnny "Joey" Jones.

Finally, she's got the voice of an angel if that angels smoke a pack a day for 30 years. Fox News Contributor, Kat Timpf. So I guess I should go to the veteran first, Kat.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: I'm only half.

GUTFELD: Oh, that's right. So, Joey. How did we get this so wrong and can we fix this? Well, actually, I should ask you. You've been talking to a lot of people currently in the military and outside. How do they feel about this?

JOHNNY "JOEY" JONES, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: You know, a lot of people I'm talking to are working to get people out of Afghanistan. Maybe President Biden should now take notes. Give him a call. I've got some numbers.

GUTFELD: Yes.

JONES: He could give him a call. So E5s and O2s. You know, lower level, officers and mid-level enlisted are working around the clock to get their interpreters, their interpreter family.

GUTFELD: Are those pronouns?

JONES: Which one?

GUTFELD: When you just O2, is that a pronoun?

JONES: My pronouns are he and hall, so I'm not really sure. If you're going with this, do not back me in the corner I was on here, I got backed in the corner on this stuff. I'm not a cultural reporter here, OK? No. Listen. I'm beyond upset. I feel betrayed. You know, as I tweeted, the Taliban broke my body. But the United States government broke my heart on this, right? Like, you know, we've sacrificed a lot and that's OK.

My sacrifice was justified the day it happened because other people came -- other people came home that day and lived. But we've got men and women serving right now. And I couldn't imagine being there other on that flight line in Kabul or sitting on a base somewhere here knowing you could be called up next and know that this is who's going to have your back or more importantly, who isn't.

And listen, on the excuses part, this is the only president really that did not inherit this war.

GUTFELD: Yes.

JONES: Right? Because -- I mean, even with George W. Bush, you could say it's the incompetence of Bill Clinton, they could have squashed this thing to begin with and pretended to try. But Joe Biden was vice president, he preside over the disaster that was Iraq. He opposed the troop surge, which was the second time we ran the Taliban out of the country just for Obama to claim victory for 2012, not actually win the war.

GUTFELD: Right.

JONES: I know that well. I sacrificed a couple legs for that. You're welcome, Obama. You know what I'm saying? Like, hey, I'll give that to you, bud. But at the end of the day, this guy was vice president for eight years of this war. And you want to say you inherited a situation? What? Come on, man.

GUTFELD: Yes. You quoted him just there. Come on, man. To Kayleigh, there are two things I want to ask you. One is OK, so the -- to two Joey's question about inheriting something. They always say, well, Trump started this, Trump started this, but there's something going on there that's not being honest. And I just want to ask you, and I hate mind reading and hypotheticals. But could you venture what might have been different if Trump were reelected? Would he -- how would he have done this differently? I know that's kind of hard to do.

KAYLEIGH MCENANY, FOX NEWS HOST: No, it's not hard to do. It's very easy. I've spoken to him. I spoke to him yesterday. You would have never had an accident like this. He said to me yesterday, we managed to get Afghanistan under control with 2500 troops. It was a measured withdraw bit by bit to where we had it secure. He came close to wanting to pull out our troops several times. But he listened to the generals.

He listened to those around him and negotiated a conditions based withdraw. Not only that, the Taliban feared President Trump. They looked at what happened to Soleimani. They looked at what happened with Syria gassed its own people. He took action. He's a man of action, and now you have a buffoon as our commander-in-chief. He vacations in Delaware. He doesn't take questions. He turns his back on the American people and President Trump said it best.

He's a surrender in chief. We have surrendered and the Taliban is dictating United States foreign policy to the most powerful country on Earth. This is pathetic, and Biden's directly responsible.

TIMPF: The new Taliban.

GUTFELD: You know, I think Kayleigh was unfair to the Taliban. Susan.

MCENANY: How do you follow that? That's tough.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

MCENANY: That's briefed out.

GUTFELD: Well, what about all the weapons? The billions of dollars -- was it billions?

SUSAN LI, FOX BUSINESS NETWORK CORRESPONDENT: Two trillion dollars.

MCENANY: Oh, yes.

GUTFELD: In weaponry.

LI: Two thousand lives that were lost over the last 20 years in Afghanistan.

GUTFELD: Yes. There were corporation working with business angle. That's why --

LI: He's very good. He's very good.

GUTFELD: Yes. I shift and transfer into -- you would -- they would -- because people would be fired, right?

LI: Absolutely.

GUTFELD: No one's resigning.

LI: Well, this stock would go to zero actually. That was the case because that is surrender. It's a loss, right? But the nerd to nerd I have to say the one good part of this whole story.

GUTFELD: Are you calling me a nerd?

LI: No. I'm telling the Afghanistan robotic team nerds. And I'm a nerd. So I'm happy they made to Mexico.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LI: But as, you know, I really feel bad for the women in Afghanistan because these are women that actually had a taste of freedom and a taste of education for the last 20 years. And how do you tell your daughters that have been promised a career and promise education that that's not going to happen anymore? How do -- you have a young daughter, right?

MCENANY: Yes. No. I mean, Joey's talked about life under the Taliban. I can't imagine. I cannot simply imagine (INAUDIBLE) for your child's life, your child's life. Not even their livelihood, their life.

TIMPF: The new Taliban.

GUTFELD: The new town. How do you feel about the new Taliban, Kat?

TIMPF: I think it's so interesting, the way that we're even having that discussion, like have they changed? Like, I don't know, maybe they've changed maybe this is the new Taliban, when like, we don't give that grace to like Chris Harrison from the Bachelor.

MCENANY: (INAUDIBLE)

TIMPF: He was fired forever. But we're like maybe the Taliban's change. Like at this -- like at this, you know we're doing things this way like the Taliban has a better chance of having a cookware line at Target than Chrissy Teigen.

GUTFELD: That is so true. That is so true. Yes. Think about -- yes, they could actually host Jeopardy.

JONES: You don't want to give them pressure cookers.

GUTFELD: Yes. Only a bomb technician can make that joke. Up next. Lockdown that's abusive. And a lab leak sham that's inconclusive.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Holy crap. What the hell is next?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes. Oregon's mask mandates are useless at best. Well Australia's got the whole place under house arrest. Hi, welcome to Holy Crap. What the hell is next? I'm your host, Raquel Welch. First up, Oregon governor Kate Brown announced an outdoor statewide mask mandate, regardless of vaccination status.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GOV. KATE BROWN (D-OR): Masks have proven to be effective at reducing transmission, and are a necessary measure right now. Even in some outdoor settings to help us fight COVID and to protect one another. I want to stress however that this rule doesn't mean you have to wear a mask at all times outdoors. I know we're all tired of masking. But this simple act of kindness and compassion protects our communities and saves lives.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So we're back to masking outside even though it is (BLEEP) no science. But maybe it's a trick to help Antifa blend in. Who knows? Remember research shows the outdoor transmission rate of the virus is less than one percent. And that the CDC exaggerated when they said it was around 10 percent. So ironically, saying they exaggerated by 1,000 percent is actually not an exaggeration.

Meanwhile, in Australia, the birthplace of jazz, a man who left hotel quarantine to go to a bar has been sentenced to 14 days in jail. He didn't have COVID but a judge said he put people at risk and that was enough for jail time, which will likely increase his chances of getting COVID. His lawyer thinks he can cut the sentence in half with good behavior, which in Australia means grooming the judge's wallaby.

Finally, the Washington Post's love that wallaby. Reports that President Biden has received an inconclusive intelligence report on COVID origins. This is the biggest foregone conclusion since Titanic. I guess inconclusive means China hasn't admitted it yet. This is trustworthy, someone selling Viagra on a bus. Don't ever buy it. These are probably the same people who already told you the lab leak theory was a conspiracy without even looking at it.

Proving once again, it's easy to miss what you aren't looking for. So yes, who knows what the hell's going to happen next. I wonder what the angry white male thinks of all this.

SHILLUE: You know, I'm no scientist. I'm a regular guy. But I could never figure out how that virus traveled from a cave, to a pangolin, to a wet market and all over the world so fast. Then again, I can't believe how fast that authoritarian lockdowns traveled from Wuhan to the rest of the world. You know, communism sure is contagious.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Susan, I -- when I look at -- what unites Australia and Oregon, besides having horrible leaders is that don't -- they either are allergic to cost benefit analysis or are terrified of it. They believe that there must be zero risk, which is fundamentally impossible.

LI: Wow, look at you sounding so smart and economic. Wow. That's impressive.

GUTFELD: No more people from (INAUDIBLE) people from the (INAUDIBLE) oh, we know the economy.

LI: like a cost benefit analysis.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LI: Well, I'll throw an example. How about Delta today? Did you hear about them?

GUTFELD: Charging what 200 bucks?

LI: $200 more and health benefits because they say if you're going to be unvaccinated, you're going to cost us $40,000 if you catch COVID. So even Delta, they're not mandating the vaccine for their employees. But companies are funny smart ways to force it upon workers. Right? It's either you have to pay more in this case. $200 more for your health insurance or you're going to get fired. What are you going to do?

GUTFELD: Pay? I guess.

LI: You think?

GUTFELD: I don't know.

LI: Well, you if -- you can afford to.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: So I have to be very careful. Upgrade. Good move, Delta. Screw those unvaccinated people.

(CROSSTALK)

LI: When did Australia become the capital of jazz?

GUTFELD: Oh, do -- you didn't know about that?

LI: I did not.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. It was The Wallabies invented jazz.

LI: The albino wallabies?

GUTFELD: No. I don't know. I don't look at skin color. Goodness. What is her problem? Kayleigh, OK, what is going on? Oregon is like the -- like if the United States were a family, they're like, your dumbest kid.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Like they have Antifa and they're telling everybody mask up. The disrespect their cops. What is going on over there?

MCENANY: Yes, you would think their governor is St. Dr. Anthony Fauci or something?

GUTFELD: Yes.

MCENANY: TYhe kind of scientific rationale they're engaging in. I mean, this is nuts. When I was in the White House. There was Dr. Fauci who would come in and say the most unscientific thing, then you got a common sense guy. like Dr. Scott Atlas from Stanford coming in and saying, why would you wear a mask if you're on a bicycle? Why would you wear a mask if you are alone outside in a desert?

Why would you wear a mask alone in your car? That was, I think, a direct quote. That's what we call common sense. And now Dr. Fauci finally admitting you don't need to wear a mask outside, but Oregon's governor leave it to her to buck the system and the science.

GUTFELD: Yes. Yes. You know what it is? I said this on "THE FIVE" but I'll say it again. They're using our face to cover their ass. They want us to cover, right? They want to -- they want us to cover our faces to cover their asses. That was a better way of putting it. Don't you agree?

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Thank you.

TIMPF: I do. Although it's just so ironic. They're like the land of defund the police but it's a crime for your face to be outside.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: I don't get it. But homeless people don't have to wear them outside which I say game on. Like, when I'm not about to be on T.V. or just got off T.V. I look for the homeless.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: So they would never know. Do you know like the girl that walks into this building. And before hair and makeup and the one that walks out different people.

GUTFELD: No. I've actually -- I've actually had security. I've had security escort you out.

TIMPF: Yes, yes.

GUTFELD: Because I thought you were the crackhead.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: Different, different people.

GUTFELD: I think you were the crack head that lives outside my building.

TIMPF: No. And I'm not insulting myself. I wake up every morning looking like a very, very attractive young boy. They would never be able to tell.

GUTFELD: Well, at least you made it about your looks.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Joey, in Australia they imprison the guy because he just wanted to go get a drink and go to McDonald's. We are here, we are talking about the Taliban. And we're watching this happen in western countries.

JONES: Listen, man, I've always respected the Australians. One, they're attractive.

GUTFELD: Yes.

JONES: They're big people. They're intimidating. Like I've trained with them. I've worked with them in like three -- they're not afraid to make fun of themselves. One time I was in Hawaii and rented this to this Australian lady at the bar. And she's like, I just love your accent. That's awesome. Like, yes, she's like, and she brought up Forrest Gump. And she was like he just thought everyone from the south thought like Forrest Gump. She didn't understand there was a problem there.

GUTFELD: Yes.

JONES: So I fix it. I was like, no, man, that's just people from Alabama. Best joke I got all night.

GUTFELD: Yes.

JONES: (INAUDIBLE) Now listen, I don't know. I mean, Australia is its own country. Don't bring that stuff here.

GUTFELD: Yes.

JONES: I'll risk going to jail for 14 days to get to the Chick-fil-A. Much less a bar like don't test me.

GUTFELD: Yes. Definitely.

JONES: Don't test me, man.

GUTFELD: It'd be the best beer you ever had. It'd be so worth it. It's weird man, the land down under. It's like I always thought they were really rough. But there was -- this is not going to end well.

JONES: What's exactly -- in the bush, right? Like they're out there. Crocodile Dundee like with a big knife because they don't have me guns anymore. Another reason not to trust the government.

GUTFELD: Took their guns. That's right. All right.

JONES: Get me mad again.

GUTFELD: Up next, a star of sex the city mocks a Cuomo without pity.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: He walked around with a semi and now he lost his Emmy. Earlier this week, Andrew Cuomo was stripped of the Emmy many felt he never deserved. He wondered for the category Best Performance by a sexual harasser who killed old people while drinking around with his brother on live TV. Seems oddly specific to me. But OK. Meanwhile, actress Cynthia Nixon, who tried to beat him in the governor's race, salted his wounds with this high sodium tweet, "The difference between he, and me, and Andrew Cuomo. Neither of us is governor but I still have my Emmy(S)."

He just got served like a tennis ball at Wimbledon, but leave it to an actor to make an insult that also lets people know you have two Emmys. Thanks yes, to put the S at the end there. When Nixon ran against Cuomo she called him famously vengeful and a bully, and that's coming from someone who worked with Sarah Jessica Parker. Even then, Dixon pointed out Cuomo ruled by fear intimidation words, I'd say were prescient if I knew what prescient means, but they say revenge is a dish best served cold although it's not like any of those women from Sex in the City could cook.

Something as sexist would say, not me. I condemn that language. Kayleigh condemn it. All right. Right. I think it's baloney that they took me away the Emmys should live with their, with their sin. Right. You can't walk that back.

KAYLEIGH MCENANY, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Bill Cosby has four. How is that possible? Bill keeps the Emmys, but he --

GUTFELD: What does he still have them? That's a good question.

MCENANY: He does have them. Oh, he does? According to a social media user on Foxnews.com.

GUTFELD: Wow.

MCENANY: He still has them. It's amazing. But why did he get it in the first place? We learned today, 12,000 more people died of COVID than what he revealed? And the guy had an Emmy?

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: That's why he deserves it. He's an excellent actor.

MCENANY: Yes, that is true.

TIMPF: I don't think, I don't think he deserves anything else because of you know what we've all realized about him except the Emmy because he had a lot of people thinking he really gives a (BLEEP).

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: He only cared about himself. That was all -- there was a lot of briefings, a lot of time. He had a lot of people convinced. That is acting.

GUTFELD: Yes, but here's the deal. Here's the deal, Susan. We -- that Emmy came after the nursing home stuff. So, they knew. We were the only people that were actually talking about it. And you know, obviously Janice Dean bringing this to the forefront, and yet they still gave him the Emmy because of those, those daily newscasts. It was -- you know what it was, it was an anti-Trump Emmy. It was like, give him the Emmy because we don't like Trump's daily --

SUSAN LI, FOX BUSINESS NETWORK CORRESPONDENT: Briefings.

GUTFELD: Briefings. Thank you.

LI: Right. Plus, a International Emmy Award.

GUTFELD: Right.

LI: What did he do that was so international was beyond me.

GUTFELD: He hit on women of all creeds and colors.

LI: That's good. That is good.

GUTFELD: Although I don't remember seeing an African-American being sexually harassed by him. He is sexist -- he's racist and sexist.

LI: Was there an Asian in that group?

GUTFELD: There might not have been an Asian.

LI: But why don't they give the International Emmy Award to some of the fantastic reporting that we're seeing from Kabul, Afghanistan, those in war zones? What about Trey Yingst, (INAUDIBLE) press corps.

GUTFELD: Or me.

LI: Well, international. International man of mystery, maybe.

GUTFELD: Yes, thank you very much. Thank you very much.

You know, I was thinking here, I'm looking at you, Joe. You're veteran, a decorated marine. Which character from Sex in the City do you relate to them?

LI: Why didn't I get that question?

GUTFELD: I will ask you after.

JOHNNY JONES, U.S. MARINE: I don't know anything about that show. I don't know anything about that show. But I will tell you this guy with this whole Amy thing. Like, what better way to remind people that you gave this idiot an Emmy for making news. Taking it back like you should have just let that one rot, man. I mean, like I'm sure there are plenty of scumbags with the Emmys. Just let it ride. Nobody cares. I mean, the world's burning down who cares about an Emmy? They're like, nope. Let us remind you how stupid we are. But does this mean we're bad too? There's a Cuomo on T.V. every day and Cuomo doesn't have an Emmy. Are we back to that?

GUTFELD: It's a good -- by the way, your point, it's like deleting a tweet, right? People go, why did they delete that tweet? And then you go and they read all the tweets that you delete. That's why I never deleted tweet. Also because it rhymes. It's a good point. You know, I've been watching CNN. Can you report on anything now? It's like everything that touches like a scandal. He can't talk. He just hangs out in the break room and throws things at Stelter. That's what I would do. What, what "Sex in the City" character do you most identify with?

LI: Oh, that's a good question. I thought you were going to ask me.

GUTFELD: You were prepared for this.

LI: I was not. You surprise me.

JONES: Did they call one of the guys like Mr. Dreamy or something like that?

LI: No, that's the "Grey's Anatomy."

TIMPF: I don't watch either of those.

LI: That is Grey's, yes.

GUTFELD: I'm a Miranda.

LI: You're a Miranda?

GUTFELD: Yes. I believe in Miranda.

LI: I'm currently -- Bradshaw.

GUTFELD: What, you're Carey Bradshaw?

LI: Probably.

MCENANY: I didn't take you for a "Sex in the City" man, Greg.

GUTFELD: I am. I want -- there was a period of time where I watched like four DVD anthologies in a row. And I don't -- I don't want to say why.

JONES: I've never watched it. This is the title really tell you a lot about it. Like should I watch it?

GUTFELD: No, there's not. Whenever (INAUDIBLE) --

JONES: I like cities.

GUTFELD: That's very depressing. I won't even ask Kat, because she has no memory of this. Coming up, California's recall ballots went from mail-in to fail in. And things got weird after hundreds disappeared.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Can they get accurate tallies from drunks passed out in alleys? A California man, my favorite kind was found passed out in a car with 300 unopened mail in ballots for the upcoming gubernatorial recall election. Police also found a loaded gun more stolen mail and drugs, leaving Hunter Biden to find another dealer. No doubt, the Postal Service is furious because mishandling your mail has always been their job.

Authorities are still figuring out how the ballots ended up in the guy's car in the first place. But it makes you wonder if the narrative of voter fraud is a lie, then please explain the 300 votes with one guy. Speaking of theft, Billy Crystal says his Gavin Newsome yard signs were taken, oh, dear God, but unless the signs were worth $950 it's not worth calling the cops thanks to Gavin Newsom. See how that works? So, does all this thieving have Gavin believing the lack of votes he'll be receiving? For more, we go to our California Crime Correspondent Joe Machi. Joe, what's the latest?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE MACHI, COMEDIAN: Greg, there's no point to being a crime reporter here in California because everything is basically legal now. That's why I switched to crime. Speaking of which, let me tell you about our nothing over $950 end of summer theft. We've got (INAUDIBLE), we've got bikes, we've got tent if we leave our place to live. Check out this laptop I found, Greg. It's yours for 50 votes. And I'll tell you what if you're a fan of Gavin Newsom, that got signs that say, don't recall that guy, and 300 ballots but those have to go to legal voters. One of my guys just found some hover boards that fell off a boat, if you know what I mean. Got to run.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So, Kat, this guy was passed out in a car with cash and drugs. Is this one of your exes?

TIMPF: Potentially, the one that would have been died. RIP. There was a ton of mail right? So, he was stealing mail, and the math makes sense because you'd have to smoke a lot of it to like sort through it all.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: Like a lot of, like Crate and Barrel coupons. You got to find the birthday cash.

GUTFELD: Right. That is so true. Going through the old, old, the old greeting card, Joey.

TIMPF: Almost the easier. Just get a job.

GUTFELD: Yes. No, but don't ever do that. Joey what are your thought?

JONES: I mean, what kind of drugs were they? That was my -- if he's just high, you might have thought he had like a bunch of Publishers Clearing House, like --

GUTFELD: Yes.

JONES: Just trying to win the sweepstakes kind of thing. Otherwise, it's just sounds like the plot to a Guy Ritchie film. Are we sure this wasn't Jason Statham, like preparing for High Voltage III or something?

GUTFELD: But you know what, Kayleigh we can't really talk about this, can we? Because then we're part of the big lie.

MCENANY: Right and I'm sure all 300 votes were for Larry Elder, by the way. No, apparently they were on open on tampered with. But how the does a druggie get 300 ballots? This is absolutely insane.

GUTFELD: Susan, you were telling me in the green room that it's like why didn't the guy --

LI: Those are private conversation.

GUTFELD: You said this guy sounds pretty hot. That's what you said to me.

LI: I said that. Is that what I said? And how hot was he from one to 10?

GUTFELD: I don't know. You say, you, you didn't give a number because you were like, you know, do you just know?

LI: Yes, was he hotter than you?

GUTFELD: That's hard to believe.

LI: Hard to beat. What about the YouTube wealth influencer in California recall vote?

GUTFELD: Yes.

LI: You know he's suing CNN because they said that no Democrat was in the race to replace Gavin Newsom?

GUTFELD: Yes.

LI: Actually Fox uncovered that stuff. That was pretty impressive.

GUTFELD: There you go. We always get to the bottom of stories. Right? I don't know what I'm saying. I'm just excited about this next story. Up next, a world famous fan from Seattle facing an interesting legal battle.

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GUTFELD: Did he suffer childhood trauma, posing naked for Nirvana? Did Kurt Cobain cause him lifelong pain? Yes, Spencer Elden won't say never mind over never mind. He was the baby who appeared on the cover of that album that 1991 iconic, classic. Now he's suing the band, accusing them of sexual exploitation. Elden who's now 30 years old argues that the band leverage the nude photo to promote their music at his expense. He claims he suffered lifelong damages and that his legal guardians never signed a release consenting to the use of the image. And more important, people need to know his penis is no longer that small.

Elden is asking for at least 150 grand from each other the defendants, including the surviving members of the band, Kurt Cobain's estate, the photographer and a number of recording companies who just record companies distributed the album over the last three decades. Of course, before we discuss this album, we should listen to a quick refresher of its biggest hit.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Where the last song is (INAUDIBLE).

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: That song has not aged well, Joey. You told me this is the only segment you prepared for. Have at it.

JONES: Listen. So, what if this is the precedent? What happens when the Gerber baby grows up to be vegan?

GUTFELD: Yes. Right? Yes. Or how about this? Honey booboo? We're all on the hook for that. Because I watched it every single day. Like, I am super intrigued by that, like, we're all going to hell and paying money on that one. It's like come on, and 150 grand is not that much money. I hope they just pay it out. Of course, we don't have to set this weird precedent.

GUTFELD: Yes, Susan, you are a business mind. Why isn't he sue -- I mean, obviously, they're --

LI: Work with Olsen twins though. Should we feel guilty for that? For watching the Olsen twins?

TIMPF: Yes, because I would have been a way, way better.

(CROSTTALK)

GUTFELD: Yes, the Olsen Twins, they were creepy. They were like little witchy warlocks from space.

LI: Is that what you say when you saw them?

GUTFELD: Big eyes looking at you all the time. They were like those, those little dolls that stare at you all the time. You ever have those dolls as a kid? Where am I right now? Susan, answer the question, don't evade. Why is he suing his parents? His parents took money for the (INAUDIBLE), 300 bucks, right?

LI: That's right. But also, you know, he's capitalizing on this over the last 30 years, right? He --

GUTFELD: Of course. Tell me he didn't get laid using this line at a bar.

LI: I'm sure. Oh, go ahead.

TIMPF: He admitted.

LI: What's the little line?

GUTFELD: Well, no, the line would be --

TIMPF: He admitted that he'd go up and say you want to see my penis again?

GUTFELD: Really?

TIMPF: Yes. And he reshot the photo three times already? And he says he wants to be a real one naked. So, you can see how his penis has changed throughout the year.

JONES: You know, maybe it did kind of mess him up for life.

GUTFELD: Yes, think about it. He's definitely obsessed over.

TIMPF: He tattooed "nevermind" on his chest.

GUTFELD: Did he really?

TIMPF: Yes, he did. I'll calm down?

GUTFELD: It's OK. It's OK. I'm glad you feel passionate about one story. But, OK, lawyer, what the judge throw this out and say no, it's your parents made the call not these people.

MCENANY: I mean, look, he's seeking damages and an injunction. But what good does an injunction do this far down the road? Like stop selling the album that's already sold many, many, many copies. But hey, I was actually with this kid until I learned about these extenuating factors. I'm sorry, I was reading about Afghanistan, not the Nirvana baby all day. But I feel bad for the guy who's a 4-months-old?

GUTFELD: Yes. But there were a lot of decisions now as a parent of nothing. I won't go into -- how many kids you have Kayleigh?

MCENANY: One.

GUTFELD: OK. One. Sorry, I don't have any but I'm going to tell you. The parents have to make decisions for little babies because they can't make decisions themselves. And if your baby can make you some money, I'm sure as hell going to make that because I'm feeding that baby. I got to change that baby's diapers, that baby's going to make me some money, Kayleigh.

MCENANY: But when you change their diapers, hey, I've had to change Blake's diaper in a public place. I like shield her, put a little blanket over. What parent puts their 4-month-old genitalia on the cover of an album? These parents are nuts.

LI: It's ironic, isn't it? Because that album cover was meant to, was meant to shake capitalism. Right? And this guy, he's (INAUDIBLE) that dollars, chasing Astrid now.

JONES: As a man who has laid naked in the hospital bed for several weeks with strangers walking in just to wipe my butt for me that day, I got no sympathy for this dude, right? Like come on man, like you were a baby. I mean, who cares? You didn't you were just -- I mean, I think it's kind of cool like he didn't drown. You know what I mean like, what's the deal?

GUTFELD: You know, and Susan, you make a really good point that OK, that OK. Number one, the cover itself is really a mundane statement on Capitalism. You can you can hear them coming up with the idea, let's have a baby in a pool it will dangle $1.00 bill. Let's make the baby naked. Of course. It is subtle as a case of shingles. It's like you know, baby chasing the dollar and then it happens --

TIMPF: I had some subtle shingles. I do remember I missed that show, because I'd like three bucks spots on my bat that were shingles.

GUTFELD: God, you have everything. You're so lucky. No, but the thing is, where am I? They paid the parents and the money, and the album made zillions of dollars everybody associated with that record which was making the ironic statement about capitalism got up. But you know what, good for this guy then. Good for them suing to make more money of it.

MCENANY: Put a diaper on the baby. It can be the swimmers diaper you put on the baby before you put him in the pool.

GUTFELD: Swimmer's diaper. That sounds like a weird infection. Yes, I got swimmer's diaper.

MCENANY: I don't know about it.

TIMPF: I haven't had that one yet.

GUTFELD: You know what, I get swimmers' diaper.

LI: Is that worse than shingles?

GUTFELD: You can put it on a shingle, I have swimmers divers. Why do that? Why do that? It burns. Boy, does it burn? What am I -- don't go away. We will be right back.

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GUTFELD: Welcome back to our second segment on swimmers diaper. We're going to go -- we're going to go the full hour. Forget about Shannon Bream. It's all going to be swimmers diaper from here on end. I joke.

Thank you Kayleigh McEnany, Joey Jones, Susan Li, Kat Timpf, our studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with evil Shannon Bream is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld. I love you America.

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