'Gutfeld!' on if Will Smith saved the Oscars

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Gutfeld: Will Smith did a great service for the Oscars

'Gutfeld!' panel reacts to whether Will Smith slapping Chris Rock actually saved the Oscars.

This is a rush transcript of "Gutfeld!" on March 29, 2022. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Hello there. You look adorable. And I don't just say that to anyone. Well, to anyone who doesn't look like me. So, let's get Will Smith is due. He did a great service for the Oscars because if he hadn't slept Chris Rock, the talk would have been how crappy and boring the show was yet again. I was slapping myself to stay awake, without Will turning it into Palm Sunday, the rest of the show was one long In Memoriam.

You also didn't hear about their goodie bags. Not to be confused with the D-bags in the seats. Each swag bag contains more than 140 grand worth of crap, including free liposuction. Yes. Free liposuction because Hollywood stars can't afford to get their own fat sucked out of their bodies. Hell, I do it for free. I'll bring my own straw. I don't know what that means. The gifts also included in all expenses paid trip to Scotland with a three- night stay at a fancy castle.

Free construction for a home renovation. A four-night visit to a luxury spa and a plot of land in the U.K. with a noble title. Great. How does sir and lady do Shallotte sound? And here you thought celebrities are a bunch of elitist, really they're just like you and me. I mean who doesn't get offer free plots of land for films that are worse than the one on my tongue when I wake up in the morning?

But I don't mind them getting free trips around the world. I just rather they didn't come back. But even though the stars can pay for all that crap, they still need the free stuff. It's for their ego. It's an offering to the gods, except these gods have lip implants. And of course, thanks to Will Smith. We also didn't get to talk about how truly lame this was.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

WANDA SYKES, AMERICAN COMEDIAN: We're going to have a great night tonight and for you people in Florida, we're going to have a gay night. Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Only the Oscars can make gay boring and tedious because the Oscars are no longer about entertainment, but diversity for the sake of diversity. But then they make diversity truly boring by making it painfully contrived. Their propaganda films with famous actors and music score lights, makeup and wardrobe are worse. There is heavy handed as Big Ben. The virtue signaling -- thank you. Some people didn't get that joke.

The virtue signaling has descended into the purely infantile, like a juice box with a rainbow on it. As wokeism spreads, the movies shrink and splinter into morose attempts at identity politic fantasy. They aren't movies, just messages with all the depth of a coexist bumper sticker. It's no wonder they had the second worst rating ever and it would have been the worst if everyone hadn't immediately texted their friends about the slap.

You know, if they're smart next year, they'll have Kanye West and Pete Davidson co-host. Help make fisticuffs a regular part of the show. At least give us a steel cage match for the Best Supporting Actor. But like my hairline, it's only going to get worse. According to L.A. Magazine, starting in 2024, producers must submit a list of the race, gender, sexual orientation and disability status of members of their cast and crew.

If a movie does not have enough of the right people on set, that movie won't be eligible for an Oscar. Now, put aside that this is already a tremendous invasion of privacy. The criteria for winning Best Picture no longer includes being the best picture, it means checking off items from a menu. Imagine if that existed before and what it would do to our classics. The Godfather is now the godmother because Vito is transitioning.

Jaws would have been an evil white man instead of a shark. And don't get me started with three men who identify as a baby. It's pathetic, you scream racism at the Oscars, and you can get them to do anything including ditching quality for quotas. You wouldn't want that process to decide who fixed your car or who removed your spleen. But the folks who run Hollywood would. Imagine how this is going to play out in a couple of years.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: All right. My fellow Oscars judges, it's a new year, new rules. What do you say we pick a best picture? Now, we can probably eliminate most of this crap. Did anybody see the George Washington biopic?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Too white.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK. How about the Harlem Globetrotters movie?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: To ablest?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK. Magic Mike Three?

JOE DEVITO, COMEDIAN: Way to stray.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Heard that? How about Tootsie Two?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Not straight enough.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK. Well then, what's left then?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Well, there is this video like cats scared by a toaster.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Ah. Wait. That's your Best Picture winner right there. We're done.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That was easy.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I know. I'm going to go home and cheat on my wife.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So, the Oscars no longer rely on excellence, then why bother with them? After ooking at their ratings declined, viewers have already answered that question. But now that the Oscars are dead, maybe Hollywood could go back to making movies for people and not award shows. Although like Kilmeade's dog collection, it does make me sad. Because growing up I love the Oscars. It was my favorite thing to watch.

Besides, at Quora changing. The movie stars were huge. Some literally. Remember Orson Welles? And you'd see Frank Sinatra, Sophia Leron, Charlton Heston, Jimmy Stewart, real stars who had presence. They rarely have ever spilled their guts or sold candles that smelled like they're junk. Today, you look at the stars, you just see dresses and tuxes, but no stature. They're no bigger than the actual Oscar and with the same charisma.

Wokeism choke the golden goose. I bet you've never heard of the movies that one because the box office receipts prove it. That's because we want entertainment and not a lecture. If you want to lecture, do what I do. Spend the weekend with Geraldo. So yes, Will Smith was a jerk. But the Oscars should thank their lucky forgettable stars that he showed up and made it memorable.

Maybe let him keep the gift bag. He could put it over his head the next time he goes out in public.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let us welcome tonight's guests. Something tells me he do very well on The Apprentice, philanthropist and executive V.P. of the Trump Organization, Eric Trump. And standing next to him is considered a fertility treatment. Co-host of "FOX AND FRIENDS WEEKEND" Pete Hegseth. She gets arrested just to save money on delousing. Fox News Contributor Kat Timpf. Oh.

And he's so big jumbo shrimp tell him just call us shrimp. My massive sidekick and the NWA World Television Champion, Tyrus.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Greg, I am the only girl again like --

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Like guy town in here.

GUTFELD: Whoo. It does feel like guy town. You know what that means?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Guy town (INAUDIBLE) with your buddies and lifting weights, hey beer is cool, watching sports with your friends and be a handsome but (INAUDIBLE) not handsome. Guy town. Oh.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PETE HEGSETH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Nice to Kilmeade.

GUTFELD: I know. No, you know what, he doesn't deserve it. You're like the -- you're like the president of Guy Town.

HEGSETH: I would love that.

GUTFELD: I like --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I'd like you to get me the kid of the city.

HEGSETH: Yes. That's a good compliment. Sorry.

GUTFELD: You know, Pete, I kind of glossed over it in the monologue but it's like the biggest part of this. The invasion of privacy, like, how are they -- what are you going to -- I mean, you're going to go and ask people like what their sexual orientation is, or if they have a disabled issue that they -- that you can't visually see.

HEGSETH: So the ratings were the second worst.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: The -- this is only going to go downhill.

GUTFELD: Right.

HILTON: It's called aperture 2025. And there's five different -- four different standards. Standard A, B, C, and D. The second standard in standard A is the story must center on women, LGBTQ people, a racial or ethnic group, or the disabled. Now that's just on camera.

GUTFELD: Right.

HEGSETH: And in standard B, you go to the crew and you have to, you know, the court, whoever choreographs that or whoever does the cinematography, that person has to check a certain number. I mean, you have ceased caring about whatever story you're telling, and having the best people telling it and you become a walk factor. Their ratings are only going to go down even more. I say just watch the Patriot awards.

GUTFELD: Yes. There you go.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You know what, you just -- I just thought of something, the solution. Imagine moving to Hollywood because as one person, you ticked all the boxes. Right? Like it would have -- you would be the most in-demand person if you were a minority, disabled, gay lesbian. You just have to get it all in one box.

HEGSETH: And handicap --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: And handicap to say what --

HEGSETH: Oh, you did. Sorry.

GUTFELD: Ably challenge. I don't -- I don't -- I apologize to the people at home.

TIMPF: Isn't that so creepy though?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: If they have to ask you like, OK, who do you have sex with?

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: Like, that's -- the member would like -- the whole thing used to be like what you do in your bedroom is your business. Now it's like, documenting what you do in your bedroom is part of our business model, so we can then report it to a third party. And that's progressive. That's creepy.

GUTFELD: It is creepy. It's not as creepy as the cameras in your bathroom. But it's pretty creepy. I still don't know why you have them in there.

TIMPF: Well, they're displayed prop like (INAUDIBLE)

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

HEGSETH: Liability, obviously.

TIMPF: Yes, it's like they're hidden cameras.

GUTFELD: Eric, I've -- we've all been talking about the slap. What did -- what did -- did it make the Oscars more interesting for you? Did you care one way or the other?

ERIC TRUMP, TRUMP ORGANIZATION EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT: Well, the only thing that was interesting about the Oscars, no one wants to watch this crap.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TRUMP: By the way, I mean, to your point before about checking all these boxes. In all fairness, they've been checking these boxes for years, right? They haven't been as public about it. But they've been checking the boxes. And I would actually bet anybody here right now, name three movies from this year. Let me repeat. Name three movies from this year. The reality is you can't do it because they don't make good stuff anymore.

I mean, think -- go back 10 years with Saving Private Ryan and Gladiator. And these, you know, because these are great movies.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Only white people. Eric, you make me sick.

TRUMP: Clearly. But everybody loves going to that, right? You can't name a movie these days. And by the way, you no longer have characters. No one relates to these people. Right? You have the Jussie Smolletts now and you have the Alec Baldwins. I mean, think about that. If it was Republican that would have shot some woman and killed her and think about last night. Think about if I went up and I would have slapped Chris Rock, it would have been a hate crime.

It would have been -- they would have literally arrested me on the spot.

GUTFELD: You wouldn't have made it out of there.

TRUMP: There's a double standard that's happening and the whole country sees it. And that's why literally half of the country has tuned this crap out. It's no longer interesting. These are -- these are no longer role models. We know their personal lives and we don't like their personal life. So we don't want to watch them on a screen. Pretend to be somebody that they're not.

GUTFELD: Yes, you know, I think -- I do think there were some good movies last year, right? Tyrus, did we --

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: None of our movies ever make the list, Greg.

GUTFELD: Well, I think Licorice Pizza was nominated. That was the one I recognize.

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: Yes. But everything out -- like that's what the Academy Awards are. We -- they're no longer -- I thought about we -- yesterday, I was like, I guess we're a long way from Sally Field speech, which was even before my time, but there was something that were -- the Academy Awards used to bring everybody together.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: To celebrate excellence. That's what it was.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Now it's bring everyone together to be noticed. So, it's not even a star on the stage. Everyone there needs the mic on them.

GUTFELD: Right.

TYRUS: Everyone is special. And the problem is when you get a whole roomful of special people nothing ever gets done.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's true.

TYRUS: And that's why -- and it's not just in movies. We're seeing it across the -- we see it across country. Filling a box and you're not qualified is worse than saying I don't want you working here because you're black. You're not -- you're making it horrible for everybody because it's like, what do I have to do to myself to get a job? It's no longer integrity, resume, education. It is I have to dye my hair purple.

I got to put a nose in my ring and I got to say that I'm black and I'm a breeder but I'm not really into heterosexuality. I just do it for the kids. So that puts me in one lane. And therefore I fill it but that's where we're at now and not once -- not one person asked me about, well, do you have anything? You know, do you have any education for rocket scientists? Hello. I'm a breeder. Who doesn't identify being with women? So when do I start?

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. That's all you need. That's all you need. We must move on. Up next. Are things head itself because Biden's foot is always in his mouth?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: President Biden checks his notes while telling us ignore my direct quotes. On Monday, President Biden referred to a printed cheat sheet and not the label with his name and return address on it. While claiming he had no apologies for his remarks that Putin cannot remain in power. And that's how he'll start World War III, with Cliff Notes. On the bright side, the president can still read.

Among the chosen -- among the notes captured on that photo I was expressing the moral outrage I felt towards the actions of this man. Why do you need notes for that? Also, I was not articulating a change in policy. You know, it sad, Biden needs notes to explain what he said, without notes. Meanwhile, one former KBG, KGB. KGB agent said Biden's hindering negotiations.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JACK BARSKY, FORMER KGB AGENT: Every time our president makes a personal attack on Vladimir Putin I cringe because Putin is paranoid. So, why negotiate and when somebody like that is in a corner, then watch out he might actually take a go-to weapons that nobody wants.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: All right. Sorry, Boris. That just how Joe rolls. He's scared corn pop out of using nukes, and they'll do the same with Putin. Of course, Biden's got plenty of support in his corner. Unfortunately, so did Michael Spinks. It's boxing reference. Former Defense Secretary Leon Panetta says Joe stumbles are because he's Irish.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

LEON PANETTA, DEFENSE SECRETARY UNDER PRESIDENT OBAMA: At this point in the game, you really got to keep your messages, very simple and very direct. And I think this created some confusion that wasn't helpful. I happen to think that Joe Biden, you know, is Irish. Really has a great deal of compassion when he sees that people are suffering.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: In that case, I've seen drunk leprechauns with better judgment. A bigot would say, not me. If Joe so sensitive to people's suffering, here's the tip stop causing it. And you know it's bad when Don Lemon is defending you.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DON LEMON, CNN ANCHOR: Quite honestly, I think this is a media manufactured story. I think we should ease off a little bit, because that's not what the president said. He is -- he did not say regime change.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Kind of did. But at least when he says something stupid, no one's watching. So what does Joe think?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Oh, yes, yes, look, look, look. That guy's right. I'm Irish, man. When I get emotional, I start seeing moons and stars and clovers. And then I am ready to go. I am ready to dance, man. Come on, man. Come on.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: That was unexpected. I like it when I don't watch stuff before I do the show. Eric, he's Irish. So, we should cut him some slack.

TRUMP: What is it with picking on the Irish this week? So Biden earlier that week, he goes, I may be Irish but I'm not stupid. Which is like the greatest disrespect. Why is everybody picking on the Irish? I love the Irish. The Irish are the greatest people in the world. But like, this whole thing is just theater. It's all a joke. Like, can you think of a time where we've ever had to have France be the negotiators for America?

Like the fact that we can't actually talk to world leaders because the world leaders either disrespect us, don't like us because we mess up our foreign policy. I mean, we can't call Putin, we can't call Saudi Arabia. We can call -- we can't call anybody right now.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TRUMP: And we actually have to negotiate through a country that's one-tenth our size from a GDP standpoint, like to me that's awfully sad.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TRUMP: It shouldn't happen. America should be able to pick up the phone. The President of the United States should be able to pick up the phone from the Oval Office and call and actually effectuate change and this guy can't do it.

GUTFELD: Maybe it's the type of phone. If it was a rotary phone, Tyrus, Biden would be all over it. These things are very --

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: For real? You know, he -- really?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Simple Joe for real? Like --

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: No.

GUTFELD: -- handle a push button --

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: Do you know how many staff members have to pull his fingers out of the phone?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: It'd be wrapped around his neck and --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Remember how --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Remember how long when somebody had a zero, he had to go all the way.

TYRUS: What did you say they had to redial instead of the click it? Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes.

TYRUS: I heard stories --

GUTFELD: I'm not going to -- you know what, look, I used --

TYRUS: OK. OK. I know it. I was prepared for that.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: OK. But your notes are complicated and probably a little obscene.

GUTFELD: True.

TYRUS: His notes were so simple. That it sad.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: He -- the questions were written for him. So that means that the press had to submit those questions for them. And they -- a cheat sheet is -- if this -- if that -- this was a compete sheet. So basically, it was, you're going to get asked this question and this answer, and this man had to hold it in his hand. He still couldn't leave it in front of him.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: He couldn't remember three questions.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: He couldn't remember. And they were always like -- and they were his thoughts were the answers.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Was it -- they weren't math -- it wasn't a math test. It wasn't a litmus test. It was asking him about something he said 24 hours ago. If there is no jokes aside, this is a man who's suffering from dementia, or to the point where -- and that right there, that should be the thing that the senate is looking at. That is a type of notes not even written in his own hand. Someone had to write it for him. And it's -- and it's scary.

GUTFELD: Kat, yes, if -- he was expressing moral outrage, you don't even have to -- I don't even have to write notes for my moral outrage. But then again, I'm never morally outraged because I'm so disgusting.

TIMPF: That's true. You really have moral -- I would go with moral outrage. Outrage. Yes. I think the problem is that I don't think Putin watches Don Lemon tonight.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Like the issue this whole time, wasn't that oh, that's not what he said. You have to get it right. I mean, it's that Putin did think that he was talking about regime change. So, that is a problem just objectively. He's obviously feels threatened by this because Biden, you know, United States has nukes. Obviously, he feels threatened. That's what people are concerned about. Not that, oh, he said a bad thing. It's about what the consequences of that could potentially be.

GUTFELD: All right, Pete. I'm going to ask you the question, the hot question.

TYRUS: OK.

GUTFELD: Well, that should be a new thing, right? We're going to ask the hot question. And then this thing comes (INAUDIBLE) hot question. There is a belief and I think Neil Ferguson mentioned this in Bloomberg that the White House has a desire to keep the war going in order to bleed Russia dry, which cynically and willingly accepts thousands of dead Ukrainians. Like we want this to keep going because it hurts Russia.

And we know, we know that that means more -- we don't -- we want this to go on. Do you buy that?

HEGSETH: No, because it infers competency on the Biden administration.

GUTFELD: Oh, you mean that they actually have a strategy.

HEGSETH: As if they had --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Right.

HEGSETH: You don't spend two months before the war breaks out saying you're going to issue sanctions to deter the war.

GUTFELD: Right.

HEGSETH: And then the war actually happens.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: OK. And then it becomes a morass. And you go for three days over to Poland and you say, we might use chemical weapons. Oh, we're going to help -- we're going to send American troops into your country. And oh, by the way, regime change. That's where we're at.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: And then -- and then he walks to the podium in the White House. You look at the top of that card. It says, tough Putin Q&A.

TYRUS: Yes. I know.

TRUMP: What does that mean?

TYRUS: It's brutal.

HEGSETH: The toughest question you're going to get is the absolutely most obvious question, you're going to be asked because you'd said at the end of the script when you went off your teleprompter that Putin needs to go and your answer is moral outrage in one bullet, and you repeat it over and over again. I like -- I love playing the what-if Trump game, especially when there's a Trump here.

GUTFELD: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

HEGSETH: What if Trump say -- would say, how quickly would they invoke the 25th Amendment right now if it were Trump in 10 seconds. Instead, they're playing defense for this guy who now today they're trying to explain why we're now training Ukrainian troops in Poland because he said they were going to Ukraine and they said, no, we're training them which we're not doing.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: It's an absolute mess and through embarrassment, and it's unacceptable.

GUTFELD: I mean, the fact is that humiliating to give them that into -- they had to tell him, we don't trust you to do this on your own. It's like -- it's like, OK, we let you go out there on your own once and you screwed up. And then you showed up a second. We're giving you notes. I mean, it's like a -- it's like -- it's kind of like a punishment.

TYRUS: They can only fit two questions on his notes.

GUTFELD: I know. All right. this makes me sick to my stomach or it could have been the chili. Up next. Claims of abuse made Dems giddy up, but as it turns out, they made it all up. Hmm.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GRIFF JENKINS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: This is a Fox News Alert. I'm Griff Jenkins live in Lviv. Russian and Ukrainian negotiators holding peace talks in Turkey. But Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy is expressing caution about claims Russia has reduced military activity near the capital of Kyiv. In a late-night address, Zelinskyy stressing Ukraine is not easing off its defensive efforts and no signs of peace in the key seaports of Mykolaiv -- a Russian rocket blasting a hole in a regional government building there.

The impact killing at least 12 people and wounding 22 others. And despite the constant barrage of aerial assaults, Ukraine remains on the offensive. Russia media now admitting to border villages had to be evacuated because of shelling from Ukraine. And the U.N.'s nuclear watchdog has arrived in Ukraine to help ensure the safety of the country's nuclear facilities. I'm Griff Jenkins live in Lviv. Now back to "GUTFELD."

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: They sealed their lips, the probe about whips. And it's the media's low standard. That leaves the border patrol slandered, because they can't tell whips from rains. Plus, they have tiny little brains. Six months ago, images like these whips the media and Democrats into a frenzy. It's like someone yelling free painkillers outside my office. They claimed that border patrol agents were whipping Haitian migrants at the southern border.

But that was never the case, even the photographer debunked it and the horses themselves said nay. So, the only thing taken a hit was the media's credibility. An investigation was launched and a half a year later, it's still not finished. O.J. is more likely to find the real killers first. Remember when Biden said the agents would pay?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: That was horrible what to see because you saw. To see people treat it like they did, horses nearly running over and people being strapped? It's outrageous. I promise you those people will pay. They will be -- an investigation underway now and there will be consequences.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Oh yes. Well, I guess they are paying with inflation. We all are, jerk. On Friday, a DHS spokesman told Fox at the agency: "We'll share the results of the investigation once it is complete." Yes, probably on the Friday afternoon before Memorial Day. But just like those horses in their barn, this investigation is stalled. With no resolution to a phony controversy, we all knew was fake news from the get-go. It reminds me of the claims about my own scandal involving whips, except they were really whips, mostly licorice whips and boy are they harder to remove than insert in your mouth, you sicko?

PETE HEGSETH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Oh, sorry.

GUTFELD: Yes. God! Kat, even you knew they weren't whipped. How -- can you predict what this investigation is going to find?

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, here's the thing -- if you are looking for something that does not exist, you're going to look for a really long time.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: So, that's why it's still going. The investigations now are so much more about finding things that fit a narrative or gaining political points than any actual truth. So, I think they're probably still looking for some way they can say that there was something awful here rather than people riding horses.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: The way that people who ride horses do that.

GUTFELD: What kills me too, is that President Biden did the unthinkable. He, he jumped to a conclusion about an American citizen, he singled out a person. You know, Trump, he railed on people in the public eye, media people, celebrities. This guy, like these guys are -- nobody knows who they are and they get, the president calls them out.

HEGSETH: Look at these dudes on horseback, not just an American citizen, but some guy who jumps on a horse straps a gun to his hip and protects a dangerous border every single day under an administration that doesn't give a damn about that border. And yet he tries to do something about it, and, and that guy's sitting at a desk job for six months.

They said the investigation will be done in weeks or days, but you and I, what we all know is they don't care about the truth. It's all about the narrative. They got this the smokescreen of border agents bad, probably racist, and they'll do the correction whenever they need to if they ever release it at all, which they won't; which is the same thing they did with Hunter Biden's laptop that they did with everything else. They'd never matters if it's true.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. Just floats away. What about the horses, Tyrus, nobody's talking about the poor horses?

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: I mean, the horses did their job. I mean, I guess they could have listened better. But you know, everybody's no one likes an uppity horse, it's tough. What the woke progressives do is they, they're never wrong. So, they wait. That's what the Russia thing was about. They kept stretching and stretching -- there's got to be some guys somewhere who made a mistake.

And it was like, some small guy made a mistake. Aha, it's the same thing with -- they're going to leave this open until the border patrolmen makes a mistake. And they're going to say our investigation this, led us into this. And this, we uncovered this; and this guy has to go. And so, that's all this is. They, they're never going to come forward and apologize to persons, a man's life they ruin for a little while and put them in, putting a guy who does this for a living behind the desk is a death sentence.

HEGSETH: Exactly.

TYRUS: It's like, take -- you sit behind a desk, but everyone judging you - -

GUTFELD: Putting you out on a horse.

TYRUS: People you know, talking -- yes, it'd be like hey, Gutfeld, guess what? We're going to go build some stuff this week and construction. I'll get you a sledgehammer. I wouldn't be able to find a little guy. But --

GUTFELD: You should see me in Ikea dresser, I'm pretty good.

TYRUS: As long as it's assembled before?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Yes, absolutely. So, they're just going to wait, they're just going to try to drag it out until unfortunately, somebody makes a mistake, and then there'll be right or they'll find some form of corruption or one of them didn't pay the taxes or something.

GUTFELD: Eric, what if they actually are honest and they can't obviously, they can't -- they're going to do what they're going to. They can't admit it. But if they do admit it, shouldn't the president apologize? He probably -- I mean it's a dumb question because it's never going to happen.

ERIC TRUMP, EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT, TRUMP ORGANIZATION: You know, this is kind of a sore subject for me because literally they've done this my family for five years, right? I'm probably the most subpoenaed person in the country. They, they've sent us a subpoena on every single issue under the sun, they put it on the media. Now, there's never anything there, right? Russia fell apart. Ukraine fell apart. You look what they tried to do to us in New York State.

You look what they try to do to us across the country. This guy's life is ruined because of that. And by the way, look at what happens? So, this guy, as you said, is sitting behind a desk or he's worse at home on paid leave or whatever it is. All the while it demoralizes everybody else and all of a sudden, drugs start flowing cross the border, and you realize why and all these, you know, tin camps in L.A. Heroine is the cheapest it's ever been in this country. Drugs are over running the country. There's more, you know, overdoses than ever before.

I mean, look at the adverse consequences of that action, demoralization, and then adverse consequences for the entire United States. And that's why Border Patrol and cops, they come up to me all the time, they're like we wish your father was back in office. We can't take any more of this nonsense. It's, it's heartbreaking to see. This kind of gives us a life for the country and we have to deal with this crap over a political stunt.

TYRUS: Yes.

GUTFELD: All right. Speaking of, why get a hole in one, if you can't tell everyone? My favorite story of the night.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Donald Trump scores in Ace, but he's taught us to rub it in your face. Yes, the former pres hits a perfect shot, but he's not one to brag a lot. Instead, he finished the hole in one stroke, then trolled the media with a joke. Did a perfect swing have Trump yelling four more years? When people -- a Republican candidate Tim Swain's claim that former President Donald Trump shot a hole in one, Trump just stayed quiet, didn't bother to defend himself. Kidding.

He issued a formal statement via his Web site: fax, smoke signal and carrier pigeon. "Many people are asking, so give I'll to you now. It is 100 percent true, he said, adding that the shot had sailed magnificently into a rather strong wind." He's really a better writer than Hemingway. He added that his shot on that hole was better than the golf pros he was playing with. But we didn't say who won because he was too humble.

"I won't tell you who won because I'm a very modest individual, and you will say then that I was bragging, and I don't like people who brag." That's one humble brag. So, the times admitting 100 Hunter's laptop is real and pulse showing when handling a Biden rematch, rematch along with this hole in one. It's a good time to be Donald Trump.

Although, sources say, Adam Schiff plans to form a committee to investigate the golf shot which CNN has called both racist and a threat to democracy as we know it. I want to go to -- I should go to a family member first. Tyrus? No kidding. Eric, Eric, Eric, he's a good writer. I actually -- I mean, it's like he could write something that can like make the people who understand him laugh and the people that don't understand him angry.

TRUMP: He's the greatest troll, right? Into the slight wind, with the slight break on the grain. And by the way, he's writing this just, I mean, he's clearly laughing when he's writing this. But you know what, honestly, it actually speaks to who Donald Trump is, right? We used to have a cheerleader in this country, and we'd have a cheerleader for the United States, for our economy, for companies, for law enforcement, for our military, for our vets, for everything that we love about the U.S. U.S. was number one to Donald Trump at absolutely everything we did.

Now, the problem is, we don't have a cheerleader in this country anymore. And it's actually when you see a statement like that, where he's cheerleading something he cares about, like that's really ingrained in his DNA. He cares about golf, he loves it, and he was having fun doing it, but it actually signifies something much more like we need somebody to cheerlead for our nation again, and I'm sick and tired of not having that.

GUTFELD: Well, I'm here for you. Tyrus, Tyrus, do you ever golf?

TYRUS: Yes, I mean, I don't do it -- now, I top golf with my kids, because I just like going yard and have them give me praises. That's when you hit it out of the park, Greg. It's a baseball term. But I've had a hole in one before, I have one in college.

GUTFELD: It's pretty easy, isn't it?

TYRUS: It's a life changing event. It really, it's pretty easy. A hole in one, everyone cheers for you, people who doesn't know you, the guy who was telling you we're going too slow, suddenly wants to, do everything you do. When you walk in and hand in your car, when they look at your car like, oh, this guy, you got to -- oh my god, hey, buy him a beer like it is a great thing.

TRUMP: You buy every cocktails.

TYRUS: Yes, it's a great moment. So, he, he should enjoy that considering the damage that he did at the Academy Awards. Let's not forget. Let's not let this whole in one slide. He did cause violent.

GUTFELD: That's true. He normalized violence.

TYRUS: He normalized violence at the Academy because one thing we know about President Trump is he's good for a backhand. I don't know how many times we saw him putting hands on somebody in the office, you know -- I mean, poor Emmy -- just Eric (INAUDIBLE) he handed this. But yes, so let's -- and let him have the holy one for a moment. But I guarantee you there's, there's some blogs coming.

GUTFELD: You know.

TYRUS: The races grass.

GUTFELD: Yes, he's normalizing whole in ones, which is a problem. I have a friend who has nine holes in one, a guy named Buzzo, so it can't be that hard. If you're playing golf every single day, it's kind of weird. If you don't have hole in ones.

HEGSETH: That's nothing on Kim Jong-un who had nine in one round.

GUTFELD: That's right.

TYRUS: That is true.

HEGSETH: If you recall.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: Ah. I mean, listen, I've been -- I've never had a hold on one. I've, I've played a lot of mini golf.

GUTFELD: Ah.

HEGSETH: And I've had some hole in ones there, which I'm quite proud of.

GUTFELD: I'd love to see you play miniature golf.

HEGSETH: That's impressive, very competitive.

GUTFELD: You want to even drape yourself in an American flag.

HEGSETH: Absolutely. USA chants all over the court.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: He didn't just say slight breeze. He said, a rather strong wind, ball bounced twice, went clank, into the hole.

GUTFELD: That is, I'm telling you, it's better than E. Cummings.

HEGSETH: Yes. And you, what you said is so right. He writes it because the people who know him and love them enjoy it, and the people who hate him can't handle it.

GUTFELD: You know, I bet you would best be conflicted at a peewee golf course when you get to the windmill because you're going to be like, I'm not for wind power. And you -- how would you play? I don't know. It's a good point.

HEGSETH: I would boycott.

GUTFELD: A guy would walk around that hole. Do you go -- have you ever touched a golf club?

TIMPF: Oh, I went golfing once.

GUTFELD: Yes, was it a date?

TIMPF: No, it was -- I was, I was like, what it was me my uncle, my brother, and I didn't make any of the holes. No matter how hard I tried. I mean, I cried so hard all afternoon. And I thought I can never ever have a job that requires me to go golfing with my colleagues because I certainly can't behave this way. I don't think I can behave any differently.

GUTFELD: Well, that's -- well you know, you came far despite not being able to golf.

TIMPF: Horrible. Savi was making fun of me, snot everywhere.

TYRUS: Regular Spalding.

TIMPF: But I've moved past it. I mean, not the snot. I still snort a lot, but --

GUTFELD: Yes, it's OK. That's all right. My eyes are watering. I have allergies. Where am I? Oh, up next, sex, drugs and degradation from the place where they pass legislation.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ANNOUNCER: "A STORY IN FIVE WORDS."

GUTFELD: Short on time. Here's the "STORY IN FIVE WORDS": Cawthorne invited to cocaine orgy. Tyrus, one of our regular guests went to -- was asked to go to an orgy filled cocaine fueled House of Cards type party in D.C., apparently said no. What do you think?

TYRUS: Well, I applaud him. But I worry for him.

GUTFELD: Mm hmm. That's, that's not the group to out. And I don't know if - -

HEGSETH: That's what they counted on.

TYRUS: Yes. And I --

GUTFELD: Interesting.

TYRUS: I wish he would have went the extra minute, the extra step. And just I know but he's cool, he knows those jokes. But if he should have dropped some names, he should've went there. Because now they're gunning for him.

GUTFELD: You know, Kat. He said there were fellow lawmakers had invited him to take part in orgies. Is he talking about Mitch McConnell? The turtle in a girdle as they like to call him? Sex god.

TIMPF: I've been invited to a coke fueled orgies. So, it's like, what am I doing wrong? You know, like, I don't know. I mean, like, if it's true, I actually don't care that much if they didn't like make it illegal for other people to do drugs.

GUTFELD: Yes, that is the problem. The people that are there are banning all the fun stuff.

TIMPF: Putting people in prison and somehow doing it without getting fentanyl-ed?

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. So, they get the good stuff. And we're stuck with the bad stuff, Eric. Did you -- you were in D.C. for a while, did you ever run into a bad crowd?

TRUMP: You know, it's really interesting. It's probably why they don't want to investigate Hunter Biden's laptop, right? We're on here. Look at this guy. This is the last weekend for us. It's -- that's really amazing. It's probably also another reason why half those people don't like Trump because we were always straight.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TRUMP: No drugs. No nonsense.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes that's true you guys don't do drugs, you're boring.

TRUMP: They never invited me. They never invited me either, Kat. I share that.

TIMPF: I -- look, I'm fun.

TRUMP: I'm fun too.

TYRUS: Yes, but Kat as soon as you get in there and you look around go ew, the whole mood's over.

GUTFELD: That's true, Pete. I mean, think about an orgy in D.C. It's got to be a lot of flab, a lot of frail, a lot of wrinkles. I don't know if I want to see those people naked.

HEGSETH: It's orgies with octogenarian.

GUTFELD: I have that tape.

HEGSETH: Do you?

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: Me too.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TRUMP: Jerry Nadler.

HEGSETH: He puts that --

GUTFELD: He puts the nad --

HEGSETH: -- right now. But think about, think about the arrogance and the protective nature of your bubble, where you approach a young Christian Conservative Congressman and say, wanting on this orgy?

TYRUS: Yes.

HEGSETH: And how about I just do some coke in front of you? I think, if I mean they're going to come after him at the highest levels have both mostly the Republican Party because they don't want everyone's character -- he should name names, to share it.

GUTFELD: We should demand the names the next time he's on this show. Gosh, darn it, we'll get him drunk. Don't go away. We'll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: We are out of time. Thanks to Eric Trump, Pete Hegseth, Kat Timpf, and Tyrus. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with evil Shannon Bream is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld and I love you, America. I do.

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