2020 Democrat week in review: Buttigieg admits to smoking pot; establishment anxious about current candidates

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2020 Democrat week in review: Buttigieg admits to smoking pot; establishment anxious about current candidates

Mayor Pete concedes to smoking weed a 'handful' of times; the Democrat establishment is reportedly anxious about the current field of candidates.

This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," October 26, 2019. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BETO O'ROURKE, D-PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: President Trump, perhaps inspired by Gergel and the propagandists of the Third Reich.

AL SHARPTON, MSNBC HOST: Did I hear you correctly say that perhaps he was influenced by Gergel and the Third Reich, in terms of telling a big lie, I just want to make sure that's what I heard you say?

O'ROURKE: That's right.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, HOST: Who the hell is Gergel?

(Laughter)

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Donald Trump called never Trumpers, human scum. Now really, that is a little much. I mean, human?

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: But I guess hearing never Trumpers yelling Nazi and fascist and racist finally got to him. But really insults should have no place in public discourse. We should ban them like in Boston where some idiot proposed a law that would make it a crime to call someone to B-word. Yes, Bostonian.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Now, the idiot pushing this law was of course and excuse my name calling, a Democrat. Surprised? You shouldn't be. They target speech daily.

Take that Facebook hearing where the company was deemed a racist, sexist, homophobic hate club. Did you hear about those ongoing dinner parties with far-right figures?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

REP. ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ, D-N.Y.: In your ongoing dinner parties with far right figures, some of who advance the conspiracy theory that white supremacy is a hoax. Did you discuss so-called social media bias against conservatives and do you believe there is a bias?

MARK ZUCKERBERG, CEO, FACEBOOK: Congresswoman, I don't everything that was in that question.

OCASIO-CORTEZ: That's all right. I'll move on.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Please do. Never before has so much arrogance been inversely proportional to talent. Well, there's this lady.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

REP. JOYCE BEATTY, D-OH: It's almost like you think this is a joke when you have ruined the lives of many people, discriminated against them. Do you know what percentage of African-Americans are on Facebook in comparison to majority folks, do you know what the percentages are?

ZUCKERBERG: People using the Facebook?

BEATTY: Yes. Do you know what the percentages are for African-Americans?

ZUCKERBERG: I don't because we don't collect the races --

BEATTY: Well, it --

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: And if he did, if he did collect the races, he'd be called a racist probably by the same lady.

(Laughter)

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Wait. Finally -- finally, here's Al.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

REP. AL GREEN, D-TX: Are there any members of the LGBTQ-plus community associated with this association, Mr. Zuckerberg?

ZUCKERBERG: Congressman, I don't know the answer --

GREEN: Who can -- who acknowledge that many people who acknowledge that they are part of the community?

ZUCKERBERG: Sorry?

GREEN: You do not know.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes, because he doesn't keep track of who his people sleep with, you pervert.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Also Al, I'd love to see how you track that stuff without breaking laws. Excuse me, Babs, do you like men or women? I need to know before I testify before Al Green in Congress.

I feel bad for Zuck, it was like a bunch of angry kids kicking a broken robot. But it's all about speech. They want to silence and control it then leak it at will. No wonder Republicans crashed that closed door impeachment thing. How did the press see it?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BIANNA GOLODRYGA, CNN SENIOR GLOBAL AFFAIRS ANALYST: Looking at these members coming in, you saw a handful of women. Other than that, you just saw a bunch of white men and I just thought to myself, this is not what America looks like right now.

DONNIE DEUTSCH, MSNBC ANALYST: Watching those Republicans yesterday march, those white guys, those middle aged, boring, nerdy looking white guys walked down that steps was pathetic. These pathetic weenies walking down that step like lemmings.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: A bunch of white guys -- way to insert race into a story where there was none, you toad bucket. Donny Deutsch calling anyone a weenie? That guy is a kielbasa on two legs.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: The man farts pigs in a blanket.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Oh, but what a mob.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MAX BOOT, CNN GLOBAL AFFAIRS ANALYST: They're engaging in lawless mob action.

REP. JOAQUIN CASTRO, D-TX: And quite honestly, it looked like a mob scene. It looked like a kind of a mob party.

REP. JACKIE SPEIER, D-CALIF.: The antics of our Republican colleagues who frankly acted like a mob.

KEITH BOYKIN, FORMER CLINTON WHITE HOUSE AIDE: This is like a Klan group that assembled outside of a jail trying to get the Sheriff to let them in so they could deliver their own justice against somebody who is inside.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: The Klan. That's inaccurate because, you know, I didn't see any Democrats in that group.

(Laughter)

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Also, weren't these idiots, the same ones who said it's racist to call an actual mob that chases and attacks people a mob.

Now, these are the same folks who pounced on Trump for using the word lynch in a tweet. That's awful. Right, Joe?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN, D-PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: Even if the President should be impeached, history is going to question whether or not this was just a partisan lynching.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Glass houses. The Dems invented them, just like the Klan. But look, Trump's obviously doing a good job. So why not impeach the guy? The poor Dems, it must get tiresome to keep figuring out ways not to do the work.

Imagine if they put all this energy they put into the secret shenanigans into trying to improve their own damn party. They're like that bum who spends all day stealing scrap metal to sell, would just getting a job at Arby's would be easier on your back? Right Mr. Schiff?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANNOUNCER: And now Adam Schiff tries to prank call a neighbor.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Hello?

TOM SHILLUE, FOX NATION HOST: Is your refrigerator running?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes.

SHILLUE: Not Adam Schiff. Got you.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Of course, impeachment is based on the Dems knowing they can't beat Trump. So rather than endure another humiliation, let's blow up the whole thing. They're like a kid who realizes he is tanking his SATs. So he steps outside and pulls the fire alarm. Right, Adam?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANNOUNCER: And now, Adam Schiff tries to return a pair of jeans.

SHILLUE: I need to return these.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, is there something wrong with them?

SHILLUE: They're made of denim.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, they are jeans.

SHILLUE: I'm allergic.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Is that a thing?

SHILLUE: And the zipper. It's in the front.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, that's where it's supposed to be.

SHILLUE: Can you prove that in a court of law?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Somebody call security.

SHILLUE: Security.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: This impeachment process should piss you off. Doing it in private while leaking crap to an obedient media, that's [bleep] and now they're saying, hey, we really don't need the whistleblower to testify at all.

So now that you've got an accuser to give you the crime, who needs the accuser? These Dems could have killed at the witch trials literally. So the Dems are screwing half of America. And they're doing it in the dark, which is good because I don't want to see the Dems screwing anything in broad daylight.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: But they reverse engineered the plot beginning with its conclusion that backfield it to the media specifications. This impeachment is like surgery to remove a healthy kidney in the back room of a Third World organ mill. Will it work?

Well, it's not like the old days when the left could slap your face and no one slapped back. There's a guy in the White House who actually loves a good fight. Right, Adam?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANNOUNCER: And now, Adam Schiff tries Buffalo wings for the first time.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Can't believe you've never had Buffalo wings before, Adam?

SHILLUE: A little suspicious. Seems kind of small for Buffalo.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: They're actually named after the city.

SHILLUE: Interesting. Which city?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Just give them a try, but be careful they're hot.

SHILLUE: Spicy. It could use a little blue cheese.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I give up, man, you are so weird.

SHILLUE: Prove it in a court of law.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

ANNOUNCER: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. He once served our nation, now the couch is his workstation, "Fox and Friends Weekend" cohost, Pete Hegseth.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: He is a late bloomer filled with good humor, comedian, Joe Machi.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: The world is her oyster, yet she's allergic to shellfish. Host of "Sincerely, Kat" on Fox Nation, Katherine Timpf.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: And Freddy Krueger has nightmares about him, my massive sidekick and host of "Nuff Said" on Fox Nation, Tyrus.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: All right, Pete, if that's your real name. What's your impression of this ongoing impeachment circus?

PETE HEGSETH, HOST: Are you calling me Pierre Delecto?

GUTFELD: Yes.

(Laughter)

HEGSETH: Other name for human scum?

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: How do you keep up with it? How do you summarize it in one week -- once a week on this show, it's impossible. So no one is and so what they're looking for is two things. They're looking for whether or not the investigators will ever actually get investigated. And this week brought a great deal of hope on that part.

I mean, with Barr announcing that it is now a criminal investigation.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: I mean, that's huge.

(Cheering and Applause)

HEGSETH: It gives people hope. And I can't remember what my second thing was.

GUTFELD: But you know what --

HEGSETH: The overarching thing is you hear that from people all the time, all this noise, all these secret hearings, all this testimony, no one knows what's actually going on, they can possibly find it. They know that ultimately justice is somewhere and they know this has been a target at Trump from the beginning.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: And they're hoping the boomerang will eventually come.

GUTFELD: Right. Joe, you're a comedian and quite a successful one, I'm told. What are your thoughts on this crackdown on words?

JOE MACHI, COMEDIAN: I'm not a fan of those, Greg. Sometimes there's just no other good way to say that you don't like someone. If all we have left -- if they take away insult words like the B word, which I don't want to say right now. All that's left is going to be sarcastic patronizing. Like I would have to say things like, Greg, you look great today. Have you gotten taller?

(Laughter)

(Cheering and Applause)

MACHI: That was just for instance.

GUTFELD: You probably had other ones you could have chosen, but you chose that one instead. What do you -- what else you've got? What you're your thoughts about the attacks on Trump about his tweeting?

MACHI: Oh, well, you know, I mean -- Tyrus, back me up on this one. I've got my finger on the pulse of black America.

(Laughter)

MACHI: They are not upset about people using hyperbole.

GUTFELD: Right.

MACHI: People understand that it's an exaggeration of something bad and lynching in this instance, Trump meant it to be bad.

GUTFELD: Right.

MACHI: If he meant it to be good, then I could see how people would be kind of offended by that.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: That's a fair point. The pulse on black America, Joe Machi. I see a special segment for you.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Yes. Kat, anything you want to talk about?

KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NATION HOST: Yes, I just -- you kind of insinuated with Joe Biden using the word lynching as well that he was being hypocritical and in most cases, I'd agree.

With Joe Biden, I think it's more that he doesn't always know like, what he is saying.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Which I think actually if he does get the nomination will make it very difficult for Trump to debate him.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: Like, not because he's good at it.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: But because he's so bad. Like it's really hard to actually attack someone when they don't know what they're saying. Like Trump could be up there making his argument, making good points. Biden's turn to respond. He just goes, table for four, please.

(Laughter)

TIMPF: Everyone's like, dear God, he thinks he is at Benihana again. And it's really hard to attack someone who thinks they are at Benihana.

GUTFELD: Yes, that is true. That is you. Tyrus, what are your thoughts?

GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, CONTRIBUTOR: Well, I've got to be honest, seeing people outraged at a group of white men walking around Washington was pretty fun for me.

(Laughter)

MURDOCH: Times have changed. My God, get the kids in the car. Why? What's wrong? There's a group of white men. Let's go. Let's go. Everyone in the car. Who knows what they're going to do?

GUTFELD: Lock the doors. Cross the street.

MURDOCH: There might be awkward hellos.

(Laughter)

MURDOCH: Offers to pay for lunch. Weird ways of ending conversations. Weird handshakes. Do I hug you? Do I shake your hand? Ah. So --

GUTFELD: They might fist bump.

MURDOCH: Yes -- no, they won't. I don't want to offend them, but it's just crazy to me that -- and only a group of white men could politely walk into a room. Excuse me, we're pro -- we're here -- we're going to sit down.

Any other group, the police would have been there. I mean, that's where we're at now?

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: This is classic -- if anyone has ever played poker, there's always that one guy in the room who let everybody know, I have a really good hand. I have a really good hand. And then he doesn't know why everyone folds.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: And then he finally plays and he loses because he is saying -- the Democrats, you don't want to play your hand. Supposedly, when all this happened, they had the phone call.

GUTFELD: Right.

MURDOCH: They were like catch a predator. We have the transcripts. All we need is the transcripts.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: We can impeach off the transcript. Well, and then well, make a move. But they don't because we might be able to find something more.

GUTFELD: Right.

MURDOCH: We're going to keep going. We're going to keep digging. We're going to stretch this out.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: And while you're stretching it out, impeach what? And then go ahead impeach.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: Make a move, but they won't because it's not about impeachment. They have two goals. They're going to besmirch.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: Which is a B word that should be outlawed. The President as much as they can for as long as they can try to affect his election and get rid of that old white man, Biden at the same time. That's what this is really about.

GUTFELD: Good point.

MURDOCH: This is about getting rid of him.

GUTFELD: That's a good point.

MURDOCH: It is a black guy and Biden, nepotism with his son, he is just as bad as Trump, so he's got to go. It has nothing to do with anything else but that.

GUTFELD: It is brilliant. I'm going to end on that analysis.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Up next, the Democrats -- who is the top seed and who is on weed? Next.

(Cheering and Applause)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ANNOUNCER: And now, “The Greg Gutfeld Show” presents, the 2020 CAN'T-idates.

GUTFELD: Mayor Pete concedes to smoking weed. He's in favor of decriminalization, not just of pot, but all drugs. This week he toured a marijuana grow house. I love that. A Reuter reporter asked if he's ever partaken.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

QUESTION: Do you have people in your life who consistently use marijuana? Have you used it yourself?

PETE BUTTIGIEG, D-IND., MAYOR, PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: I have a handful of times a long time ago.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: A handful of times. What technically is a handful? I guess, I'll find out tonight.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Pete. But if Pete is saying, I experimented. Yes, you were real Galileo with that eighth ball. Meanwhile, the Democratic establishment is getting anxious about their candidates and they're starting to ask is there anybody else? At least that's what I read in an article titled, "Anxious Democratic Establishment Ask If There's Anybody Else?"

Apparently, they are worried Biden is not raising enough cash and Warren may not be able to beat Trump. They wonder if Mike Bloomberg is a better candidate, or yes once again, Hillary.

Hillary's top adviser says don't rule her out yet, while other Dems say this about Hillary.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BRYAN DEAN WRIGHT, FORMER C.I.A. OFFICER: She makes me want to drink. It's very early and I don't drink.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: That was funny. So is there anybody else? Damn, that is a good question.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANNOUNCER: Can't get excited about the current crop of Democrats running for President? Well, not to worry because we searched the world and found plenty of impressive candidates, like this lazy horse who plays dead whenever someone tries to ride him.

A dog who will not be held by any fence. A rat who could drive a car. A rat dragging pizza. A cockroach smoking a cigarette. My Uncle Steve who lost his hand mixing Margarita is in a wood chipper. My other uncle Steve who looks exactly like Guy Fieri.

A cat whose mind is blown every time he gets in a car. Matthew McConaughey's abs. Channing Tatum's abs. Michael Moore's abs. Whoops. Sorry.

A guy who pushes the limits of what is acceptable in public on a pogo stick and a sea lion who sounds like Howard Dean.

Oh yes.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Joe, is it too late for Democrats to start thinking about a different candidate? Or do you think that they got the candidate already?

MACHI: I almost think it's too early to start talking about is it too late for someone to run in 2020? But I guess 20 isn't enough. We should start looking for who doesn't want to be President and see who can be President.

GUTFELD: Whittle it down from there. Start at like 6.3 billion and then work backwards. Tyrus, thoughts on anybody else? No one else?

MURDOCH: I feel like if I was coaching them that I would be in trouble for yelling and cussing a lot and throwing my clipboard. Buttigieg had a moment.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: I know you're the Emperor, the evil empire that is Lord President Trump. If you haven't learned anything from him, he is brash. He takes chances. Buttigieg -- do you smoke weed? What? If would have done that. What do you think? If would have done that, it would be like, damn, he has got -- man, well, he's got it.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: But instead, he's a Democrat. A handful of times, I might have experimented, but I'm very sorry and if you're okay with it, I'm happy that you're okay with it. I'm okay with it, but I'm very sorry. And it was like a handful of times. Like one hand, not a full. It was more like two fingers.

GUTFELD: Two fingers.

MURDOCH: It was half a blunt. I don't know if that's the right terminology. But I just like to say I'm very, very sorry if anyone was offended or hurt by my possible use of more than less than a half ounce of weed.

(Laughter)

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Kat? Why is it when everybody talks about weed, they come off as phony? Why can't they do what Tyrus says? Just be normal?

MURDOCH: Light up?

TIMPF: Yes. Because they lie. But it's weird because like normally they lie about, you know, only a little bit or, you know, no I didn't or I didn't inhale. Kamala Harris of course went the opposite route and lied about smoking it when clearly she never did.

(Laughter)

TIMPF: That's weird. I never, you know, took that route when I was a kid. Mom, I smoked so much weed. I'm grounded. But I never smoked any weed. Like, I don't get that.

But in terms of another candidate, the one person I hear all these people bringing up all the time is Michelle Obama.

GUTFELD: Right, right.

TIMPF: This month, a poll actually came out and said that if she were to enter the race, she would immediately enter as the front runner. So people were talking about it. This is great. She would be the front runner. That's great.

One problem. She doesn't want to run. Yes, she said there is a zero percent chance I will run. That's kind of a big problem. Like why did you even do this poll? Like that would be like a guy being like, I found the perfect woman. She's the best. I want to marry her. I want her to have my kids, just one problem -- restraining order.

(Laughter)

TIMPF: I would give the same advice to the Democratic donors that are having this discussion as I would give to that guy, you know, you need to settle and look at your current options and get one of them pregnant.

GUTFELD: Yes.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: How beautiful. Pete, what do you make of this?

HEGSETH: What's the one thing you want when you've lost and you thought you should have won?

TIMPF: Tequila.

(Laughter)

HEGSETH: Maybe.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: You want to rematch.

GUTFELD: Right.

HEGSETH: And I think that's what Hillary Clinton wants.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: And she doesn't care whether she is the most electable of the group.

GUTFELD: Right.

HEGSETH: She is sitting back, watching the dumpster fire realizing the leftist can't win and Joe Biden can't raise money because no one wants to vote for Joe Biden at all.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: And she is saying, I think I can take these guys.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: And she is legitimately flirting with the idea. And she thinks if I can do this one more time, this time, you know, the Russians won't do it to me again.

GUTFELD: Yes. Yes.

HEGSETH: I mean, I it's scary. But Bloomberg or Hillary? As the saviors over the Hill. It's insane.

GUTFELD: Here's my theory. They can't tell Bernie and Liz and Joe to go home because that's -- they're going to have to put her on the front of the line. Joe picks her as VP, and then he drops out.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: I just want to do this whole -- I heard that from this guy. He whispered it in my ear. My friend. There's still stuff on it. Up next. Should he have been canned or caned for climbing on cars. That's next.

(Cheering and Applause)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

AISHAH HASNIE, CORRESPONDENT: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Aishah Hasnie. At least 90,000 residents have been ordered to evacuate towns near a massive Northern California wildfire. This as the state's power company just announced outages for more than two million people because of a historic wind event and extreme fire danger.

The latest round of blackouts is being implemented in stages impacting nearly a million homes and businesses in 36 counties. Firefighters are battling deadly wildfires across that state.

Meantime, the woman convicted of conspiring to act as an agent for a foreign state in the U.S. is back again in Russia tonight. Maria Butina landed in Moscow one day after she was released from a Federal prison in Florida and deported.

Butina tried to infiltrate conservative political groups including the NRA to promote Russian interests. I'm Aishah Hasnie, now back to “The Greg Gutfeld Show.”

CARLSON: He's gone for good after banging the hood. A local reporter in Sacramento -- aren't they all -- had one job, take your camera crew, go to the Auto Show, do a live report on all the pretty cars and try to treat the expensive highly cherished vehicles with a modicum of respect. He didn't.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANGEL CARDENAS, REPORTER: No one is out here to tell me which car I can't go in because you know some of these are off limits. So, I'm just going to -- I'm going to live on the wild side. So what do you think about this pose right here, Tina? Right here on the Thunberbird.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh no.

CARDENAS: Oh, I hit that other car.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Angel.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh no. Are you kidding?

CARDENAS: Nobody is looking. Look, hold on, save zoom in here.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Leave your name and number.

CARDENAS: It's not dented and there's no pink.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Leave your name and number on the dashboard.

CARDENAS: Hold on.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So he's fired.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: The station had to apologize, but it could be worse, he could be this guy.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: I'd rather be that guy. Tyrus? Do you blame the guy? Would you -- does he deserve to be fired?

MURDOCH: Hell yes, he deserves to be fired. This is kind of our fault.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: Everybody wants to be entertaining and funny and drop a little news. Now, everyone wants to steal a -- you're a reporter. Your job is to report the news, not to be part of the story.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: But I guess that's the way we do it now. Everyone is a part of the story.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: This is boring. You're a reporter. You're supposed to be boring. You're supposed to come out there and give us information about a freaking car show. That's all you're supposed to do.

Nobody needed this not sexy, creepy pose of you on the car. That's not news. That's crap you do on your Instagram that nobody looks at.

GUTFELD: Yes.

(Laughter)

MURDOCH: This is what's wrong with reporters today. You know, they -- at the White House, they are the story. I got in a fight with the President today. You're not supposed to. He is supposed to be the story.

HEGSETH: You can't say that. You can't say that.

MURDOCH: I am not in Massachusetts.

HEGSETH: Oh, okay.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: You know, Pete, he is kind of talking about you. I would say -- I would say I wouldn't blame the jerk trying to be you. I blame -- the responsibility is the car show organizers who let the TV crew do exactly what they wanted because oh, it's TV. Oh, we've got to let him in and let them do whatever they want.

HEGSETH: Maybe.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: I would argue they had probably done more car segments.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: Than anyone on this couch with "Fox and Friends" like every other weekend, we've got a car segment.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: It's never occurred to me to jump on the hood.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Really?

HEGSETH: I mean, maybe on the back of a pickup truck where people normally stand. Yes, this is a guy who is probably bored with this job.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: Probably loves himself a little bit more than he should. He wants to entertain the ladies who were laughing on the other side of the camera in studio.

MURDOCH: I hope they got fired, too. Sorry. Go ahead.

(Laughter)

HEGSETH: But I disagree with you. I don't think he should be fired at all. He didn't harm the cars. I mean, maybe he --

MURDOCH: I'm sorry, Pete, I'm just going to call you out. If you walked out your house and that guy was sitting on the front of your truck on a mic going, hey, check it out. Oh, I scratched the hood. How is that going to turn out? You high five him?

HEGSETH: But I don't own a classic car.

GUTFELD: You know, I do and I would have killed him.

HEGSETH: Really?

GUTFELD: Yes. But you know, here's my thing. Well, Joe, I want to get your opinion because -- do you sympathize with him?

MACHI: I feel bad he lost his job. He was trying to be funny. And as someone who has posed in a number of car calendars that's not how you do it.

(Laughter)

(Cheering and Applause)

MACHI: But the only part that I thought was silly was where he said, well, no one is here to tell us what we can and can't do. And it made me think of all those, when you buy something in a plastic bag, it says, don't put this over your head.

(Laughter)

MACHI: Why do we need that sign? It's because of guys like this.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: And he is saying, hey, I'm not going to get caught. He is saying this in front of cameras like nobody is watching. We're not filming this, Kat. Whose side are you on?

TIMPF: I struggle with this.

GUTFELD: Do you struggle?

TIMPF: Because -- I understand the temptation. Every time I'm on TV to just wild out, like the other day I was on "Cavuto" and he asked me a question about Brexit.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And what I did was answer the question, but what I wanted to do was just be like meow.

(Laughter)

TIMPF: You know like, meow, meow -- and just start crawling on the table.

GUTFELD: Yes. You should do that.

TIMPF: I know, but the thing is -- but -- so on that part, I understand, but then I also am not on his side because if I did that, I would destroy my career. I would destroy my dignity. But at least those things are mine.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: You know, that car not his.

GUTFELD: You know, you're right. You know, this is a lesson, never leave your stuff unguarded when you have talent around because they feel entitled to do anything to get the shot. Oh, can we move granny on life support away from the window because we'd like to get some natural light. We'll just unplug her.

TIMPF: I have to charge my phone.

GUTFELD: Yes, can I charge my phone, Granny. Do you believein ghosts and demons? We report. You run and hide.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Demons and ghosts, who believes the most? A survey by YouGov finds that 45 percent of Americans believe that demons and ghosts exist, but only 13 percent think vampires exist. Probably because they suck.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Oh, stop it. Nothing though about goblins, which seems goblinist. Then of course, because everything has to be political these days, the survey found Republicans were more likely to believe in spirits than Dems, too bad for you, disbelievers. You don't get to play with the world's largest Ouija board. Yes, right now, it's in Salem, Massachusetts. But I'm renting it out for my pajama party next weekend. We're going to contact Abe Lincoln. I wonder what Abe Lincoln is doing these days?

(Laughter)

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: Must be a different Abe Lincoln. Kat, do you believe in ghosts? Are they friendly ghosts like Casper or not?

TIMPF: Well, okay, so my mom was really Catholic.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: When someone says they're Catholic, I'm like, are you sure? She was very Catholic. It was a huge part of the way I was raised. So in some ways, raised in the normal way, like, you know, wash your hands after you go to the bathroom.

GUTFELD: That's Catholic.

TIMPF: Don't pick your nose. No, but then there was other stuff like, if you play with Ouija board, the devil will possess your soul.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And I was so scared. I remember, I was at a sleep over party once and the girls there, they pulled out one of these and I was like, is it going to happen for me being in the same room with it? Like I was so scared, I thought it was made by the devil himself. Now, I realized it made by Hasbro.

(Laughter)

TIMPF: But I'm still a little scared of it. So wherever you are out in the universe, mom, good on you. It worked.

GUTFELD: It is actually amazing, Joe, that like I grew up with a Ouija board and it's scared everybody. How did they make any money?

MACHI: I don't know. It's ridiculous. It's a ridiculous invention, I always would -- I would always move it to say one of the other people at the sleep over was a loser.

(Laughter)

MACHI: But this whole survey is ridiculous because it added things together that really weren't all that similar. Because if you believe in religion, now I'm Catholic, and, you know, you can say that God is supernatural, but vampires are purely fiction. And then it had aliens as the same category as supernatural.

And no, by definition, aliens are in the universe just because we haven't empirically proven them yet, I mean, but I don't know. It just seemed a little dumb to me.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: No, that's on you for reading the actual source material. Generally -- generally, our guests don't do that, Joe.

MACHI: Waste some time here.

GUTFELD: You're wasting time. Tyrus, you have any Ouija board memories?

MURDOCH: No, I'm black.

(Laughter)

MURDOCH: Not in our neighborhood, bro. We got real problems.

GUTFELD: You don't need to conjure up any other.

MURDOCH: Listen, I'm not going to get into it. I'm not going to make fun of people about religions and ghosts and crap, but if you just watch "Scooby Doo."

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: At the end of every episode.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: Every episode, there wasn't a ghost or a ghoul or a demon. It was a person.

GUTFELD: Right. It was evil man Smithers.

MURDOCH: The only monsters we have is his people so just -- but if it makes it feel good to say it was a demon and not Uncle Earl. Cool, whatever.

MACHI: You just ruined "Scooby Doo" for a whole bunch of people.

MURDOCH: If you haven't figured "Scooby Doo" by now, you're not going to.

TIMPF: There goes my weekend.

MURDOCH: It's always, oh, it's mister -- yes.

GUTFELD: It's always the old --

MURDOCH: The old white man. Every time.

GUTFELD: It's always Joe Biden. It's always Joe Biden.

MURDOCH: Yes.

GUTFELD: I want demons to exist, Pete. I want it -- I want to know there's a second place I can go to. I don't want to go to heaven. I want to bother people on earth. I want to be a spirit. I want to be -- I want to like -- I want to annoy you.

HEGSETH: You are well on your way, Greg.

(Laughter)

HEGSETH: Well on your way. If that's your goal. I mean, good for you. Demons are real. I mean, there is a spiritual world. Listen, I grew up as a Baptist, kind of the flip side of the Catholics, although we were not -- we didn't know whether you Christians either there is a whole -- I mean, you know --

TIMPF: You would be invited over, but not before we got the holy water on you.

HEGSETH: Exactly. Exactly. There's a -- but the Ouija board was an absolute no touch no matter what. But I think I think it's because it seriously is a reflection of the reality that kids can't handle the reality of that spiritual realm yet and they're rightfully fearful.

But I think it's good that people still believe in that because it is -- it is out there, but 13 percent of people think vampires are real?

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: Who are these people?

MURDOCH: Vampires.

GUTFELD: Yes, they're the vampires. I have three older sisters and they loved scaring the crap out of me with the Ouija board. It would always spell out something having to do with me. Right? It was like, oh, Greg must die. It was terrible. The upside was that experience got me a not guilty decision in court when I killed all of them.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: There's always a silver lining.

HEGSETH: There is.

GUTFELD: Up next, a Canadian company unveils their new invisibility cloak. Justin Trudeau ordered one in black.

(Cheering and Applause)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: The technology is here for you to disappear. Behold an actual invisibility cloak. Kind of like Harry Potter had. Where is it? A company -- oh, there it goes -- called Hyper Stealth, awesome name patented a quantum stealth material that makes anything behind it seem invisible. Apparently works by bending light around an object.

The good news is, it doesn't require a power source, and it's fairly inexpensive. That's good news. The bad news, it's only going to be sold to the military to hide tanks and stuff which stinks.

Because I know my cat Sergeant Fluffles would love an invisibility cloak. He is always trying to secretly watch me sleep.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Always at the worst time, too. Tyrus, why is it a cloak? Are we like living in Victorian England.

MURDOCH: Man, I don't know. Can you just build that wall over Canada? Can you just do that? I always look at when they have new technology as it is old technology that the military decided it wasn't worth it anymore. Like, you're going to have a sheet that you hide behind.

Okay, like, great, Kat. Now all your creepy stalker fans will now have little cloak things walking over your apartment like this is a bat -- like I can still see you bro, like I just. He is still there. I have dogs.

MURDOCH: Yes. I'll hide in my cloak. Grr. You're right there. Like this -- this is what -- like you already can't see the drones.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: You know what I am saying? And this is the stuff that's left over and they gave it to Canada.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Pete, I don't know.

MURDOCH: Because this is going to be real huge at like Comic Con. I'm going to cloak. We can still see your goofy ass? There's the other side of it, like -- that's exactly what this is for. Good for Canada.

GUTFELD: Yes, I'm happy for it, Pete, but you're in the military -- you -- is this possible?

HEGSETH: Does it stop bullets? Because if it doesn't, actually it doesn't do that much good for you.

GUTFELD: With the holes in it. Bro, I really see you.

HEGSETH: Yes, you can see right through it. I mean, I guess I'd like to use it for more practical uses. Like if I could carry it around with me and put it over the TVs in the airport that are always on CNN.

(Laughter)

(Cheering and Applause)

HEGSETH: Like that -- something like that.

GUTFELD: There you go.

HEGSETH: I would prefer to do it.

GUTFELD: What is the good use of the invisibility cloak? Joe, would you - - if it was available for you, would you buy it?

MACHI: You know, Greg is one of the opportunities where reading the source material really benefited me.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MACHI: Because when I saw invisibility cloak, I thought I can finally get into that bank vault.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MACHI: But then I saw it and I'm like, it's not an invisibility cloak. It's a blurry cloak.

(Laughter)

MACHI: I don't think it's going to work well for tanks and planes because just drop the bomb on that blurry tank sized --

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: The blurry thing tells you it's important.

MURDOCH: Yes.

GUTFELD: Right?

MACHI: Right.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: Military strategist right here.

GUTFELD: Yes. Kat, would you like one?

TIMPF: Sounds like my worst nightmare.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: A cloak that makes people not see me like, I would prefer the opposite, like a super visibility cloak.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: That people can see nothing but me.

(Laughter)

TIMPF: I think that would finally provide me with the amount of attention that I believe I deserve. Like I could wear it when I go out with my boyfriend. He wouldn't be looking at anyone else. He wouldn't be seeing anything else. No distractions. We would get -- and everything would be perfect. I could wear it on this show. People would be like, Greg who?

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Well, I don't need an invisibility cloak. I'm middle aged.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: No one sees me. It's a good thing. I could go anywhere I want. My superpowers -- obscure -- just walk in and no one sees me where I am going. I don't know we've got to get this first. The country that gets the technology first runs the world.

MURDOCH: Greg, Greg, we're knowing about it because we had it and said this is dumb, and our stuff is better.

HEGSETH: No, but what about when the robots get it?

GUTFELD: Yes, visible robots. That is a problem.

HEGSETH: Then, they'll perfect it.

GUTFELD: That is a problem.

HEGSETH: You can't even see it.

GUTFELD: You know what they are going to do? They are going to go into robot gyms and watch robot girls change.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: It's disgusting what robots do.

MURDOCH: Stop. Wait a minute. I'll bite because I'm stupid. So they design girl robots and boy robots.

GUTFELD: In my robot world, there will be gender.

MURDOCH: And one of the robots, there was a misogynistic button they put in.

GUTFELD: And there will be separate bathrooms for robots. I'm not sharing no stall style with a robot. That happened once.

All right. "The Gutfeld Monologues" Live. The Fall tour resumes next month. Four shows remaining. We're in Jacksonville, November 16. Durham, the 17th. Cleveland December 7. I'm going to visit Geraldo. Knoxville, December 8th. Tickets available for all shows. Go to ggutfeld.com for info. "Final Thoughts," we have them. Next.

(Cheering and Applause)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ANNOUNCER: "Final Thoughts." It's the last thought. That's why it's called the "Final Thoughts," okay?

GUTFELD: Joe Machi, any final thoughts? Where are you going to go? What you doing?

MACHI: Thanks, Greg. I'll be in Chicago, Fort Worth and Sunnyvale, California in November. joemachi.com for tour dates. Thank you.

GUTFELD: I love Sunnyvale. Sunnyvale. All right. I'm going to ask the audience to do this. On three. One, two, three.

AUDIENCE: Happy Birthday, Kat.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Kat, it's a big deal. It's a big deal turning 40.

TIMPF: I know. I was just going to say it's such a rude thing to say to someone turning 23.

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: Twenty three times seven.

TIMPF: Twenty three divided by two.

GUTFELD: All right. Got to go. Thanks, Pete, Joe, Kat, Tyrus. Our studio audience. I'm Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America.

(APPLAUSE)

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