Our family reunion showed how we can unite America

I spent this past weekend in the Smoky Mountains attending a DeBartolo cousins family reunion in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. We had a great time reconnecting and reminiscing. Love and laughter filled the house.

President Trump's assassination attempt took place during the reunion. It contrasted the unity we were experiencing and the division our country is experiencing.

Re means "back to" so a reunion is back to the union. It’s needed in families, communities and our country. We should, in the words of our Constitution, be seeking a more perfect union.

The DeBartolo cousins gather for a familly portrait in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. (Jeremy Passamonte)

It can start in the family, the most basic unit of our culture. Our family reunion experience was a microcosm of what can happen across our land.

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We all stayed in one big house. People from Connecticut to Arizona, Florida to Ohio all under one roof. The age divide spanned 30 years. Family, yes, but still different in many ways.

We are one big American family. A variety of states but one homeland. A span of ages but all still Americans. Differences, certainly, but also neighbors who care for each other.

It takes work to get along, but it can be done. (iStock, courtesy of user Patrick Chu)

I’ve learned this in many years of marriage, sometimes you must agree to disagree. We simply can’t always agree on everything. And sometimes we vehemently disagree. You don’t dissolve the marriage over it; you work on getting along despite it.

At our reunion, some went to Dollywood, some to the national park and some stayed in the house the entire time. Different ways to enjoy our family connections. We didn’t have to all agree on one approach.

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Of course, we did need to agree on meals, responsibilities, schedule. Different doesn’t mean chaos. It takes work to get along; it’s not natural. Selfishness is inborn, service takes effort. But it can be done. Americans have proved it for almost 250 years.

Clingmans Dome in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park, where the family gathered for their reunion. (Rick McDaniel)

We didn’t have any blowout fights. But with a group of Italian Americans together for three days it certainly could have happened. But even if there was conflict, we would have resolved it because we love each other.

Americans can disagree without being disagreeable. We can have fights without violence. We can have our views without hating those who have different views.

On Sunday morning, we had a worship service in the theater room of the house. Music was played and my cousin’s husband spoke on God’s grace to our family. We worshiped together because we all share the Christian faith.

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 There is much that binds us together as Americans, much more than what divides us. (iStock)

But not everyone in America does. So, I may disagree with certain values or viewpoints of others. This means we will advocate differently and vote differently. And that is America. I support your right to have a different opinion – even in opposition to mine.

Our family reunion reinforced what I know is true. People need to reconnect over what they love more than what they hate. There is much that binds us together as Americans, much more than what divides us.

I love my cousins, but I have not spent enough time with them. Getting to know them better helped me to appreciate them more, to value their journey and story. 

Let’s reconnect over our shared values and reunite America. (iStock)

I spent time with one of my cousins and her husband. I’ve always liked them but now I do in a deeper way. The greater knowledge leads to a stronger affinity. I would like to get to know them better.

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The back deck replaced the front porch and changed our communities. Americans need to spend more time outside of our usual echo chambers. Listening and getting to know their neighbors.

This doesn’t mean we will all magically agree. Unity does not mean uniformity. But we can lower the temperature of our discourse if we spend more time together instead of isolated online.

We can lower the temperature of our discourse if we spend more time together instead of isolated online. (Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson)

Our family hasn’t had a reunion in many years. We are now committed to doing it more often. I had a lot of fun and a lot of laughs this past weekend. I’d like to have more. Life’s too short to miss out on it.

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Americans are missing out. Too much anger not enough love. Too much vitriol not enough peace. Too much division, not enough unity.

Let’s reconnect over our shared values and reunite America.

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