Gutfeld: Is more politics just more misery?

close

Video

Gutfeld: Politics is making us sick

'Gutfeld!' panel reacts to new study that reveals 'American politics really are making people feel sick.'

There's a good chance I make you sick to your stomach, like, say, a 40% chance — about the same odds you'd get if you eat the clam plate at Denny's. 

That's according to University of Nebraska experts, who claim that four in 10 people cite politics as a top life stressor. It's so bad that it causes insomnia, destroys relationships, and for at least five percent, causes them to feel suicidal. 

So does watching "Emily in Paris," but I'm not quitting that either. It really is delightful. In the second season, getting picked up for a third.

DRAMATIC 14-POINT SHIFT IN PARTY PREFERENCE GIVES GOP BIGGEST LEAD SINCE 1995: GALLUP

They blame politics for causing fatigue, anger and compulsive behaviors. And that's just from the staff of "Fox & Friends." 

A quarter claim they're thinking of moving because of the politics in their state, especially California, which explains why U-Hauls are harder to find than an actress with a real nose. 

Can you blame them? Politics suck and our politicians are suckier. Look at them. Their faces should be on the back of household cleaning products to induce vomiting if swallowed. And Pelosi's investment success has raised some eyebrows, including hers, to the top of her forehead. 

We're a country run by evil rejects from the "Muppets," except they've got their hands up your butt and it doesn't feel as good as it used to. 

So, much like smoking weed, politics started as a thing to prevent people from killing each other. You created a process that enables debate to eliminate the need for duels, which is good. 

Try buying a decent sword on Amazon. I've tried, but over time, politics has become less of a mayhem reducer and more the opposite — a conflict stirrer. Why is it getting worse? Well, experts blame social media websites, podcasts and the nonstop TV news cycle. 

But notice how they leave out legacy media. It's on us and not them. 

But one thing is true: Cable news has a content problem, which is a time problem. How do you fill 24 hours with 20 minutes of news? 

It's like trying to feed Brian Stelter only one box of Twinkies. So you just repeat it over and over and over again. 

Brian Stelter, Chief Media Correspondent for CNN. ( Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images for Vanity Fair)

Back when I was a kid, you got your news at 6 p.m., then you finished your Swanson's TV dinner, adjusted your polio braces, and all was right with the world. 

Too soon? I don't know. 

Now we can take one story and like the skin on Jerry Nadler's trunk, stretch it for three days. 

Rep. Jerry Nadler. (Photo by Zach Gibson/Getty Images)

The media declares a crisis, then covers their coverage of it, then covers reaction to their coverage. No wonder people feel bad. But just imagine how much happier you be. If you tuned it all out. 

Speaker 1: Oh, my god, Laurie, did you see the news last night? It's infuriating, I couldn't sleep.

Speaker 2: Oh no. I was stargazing. The universe is wonderful.

Speaker 1: Do you read this crazy stuff is happening?

Speaker 2: Oh no, I've just been admiring this beautiful drawing my niece made me.

Speaker 1: Oh, have you listened to the podcast "Angry Men Discuss Politics"?

Speaker 2: Oh no, I've been listening to sounds of the ocean. 

Speaker 1: Oh my god. Well, you better educate yourself or you're never going to survive. 

Here's the kicker. People actually now feel worse under Biden than in Trump when Trump was president. According to Gallup, in just one year, we saw a swing from a nine-point Democratic advantage to a five-point GOP edge. 

That's a shift of 14 points, according to our point-shifting department. Shout-out to Seth. Good job. 

That's pretty big when you consider the media is still 95% liberal, and also that Biden was supposed to be a jar of Relief Factor after Trump's four-year rug burn. 

Biden was supposed to bring people together, except we didn't know it'd be in a line waiting for COVID tests. 

So people feel worse under Joe, perhaps because he's more divisive than a magician with a circular saw. 

President Biden. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

Now your instinct is to blame these guys. Understandable. They're A-holes, but they're being led by bigger A-holes. 

Our politicians now face recognition from the most extreme media types to get the dopamine rush, the Dems throw that beast more red meat in 24 hours than a zookeeper on Ritalin. 

That's why Biden, instead of fighting crime or inflation, calls half of America bigots. His staff is merely checking what crap tends to trend on woke Twitter and then spoon-feeds it to the old coot like his wife does his strained beats. 

What say you, Joe?

FAUX PRESIDENT BIDEN: Come on, look, look, some people think I'm angry. Don't believe everything you hear. I'm never angry. I'm Uncle Joe, alright? People like me and I, you know, I don't believe people are is unhappy as they say, it depends on who you ask. Depends on who count the votes. Count the votes. Count the votes. Count the votes. OK, well, it comes and goes.

But it does come and go. 

But also look at the modern progressive activist. We've seen Antifa mug shots, pale faces, purple hair, rotted teeth, lazy eyes, what Jim Norton calls a solid 9. 

The study finds the people most vulnerable to political stress are younger, lean Democrat and are more actively engaged in political causes. They're more likely to dye their hair shocking colors, too. 

That's nature's way of warning you about poisonous frogs or a poisonous liberal arts major. But it makes sense if you choose an angry, bitter framing of the world, You too will be angry and bitter if you view everything through a racial prism. 

You might end up with your own show on MSNBC, but you won't find a moment of happiness in your life. Everything's racist. It's joyless. 

CLICK HERE TO GET THE FOX NEWS APP

You'll be constantly pissed off by your faulty framing, and no one wants to be around that. Finally, the researchers see their data as a bad sign for democracy that if people view politics as harmful, they won't get involved. 

And why is that bad, exactly? They just said the more involved you are, the worse it is. Maybe swallowing all that junk food is bad for you. 

Video

If you're injecting politics into everything from sports to house paint, you're replacing knowledge with rhetoric and losing friends, family, and your mind in the process. 

So if your head hurts because you keep hitting it with a hammer, then put down the hammer. 

But if you're Don Lemon, keep at it. 

It can only help. 

This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld's opening monologue on the January 18, 2022 edition of "Gutfeld!"