Gutfeld on a return to normalcy

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Gutfeld on a return to normalcy

The 'old normal' has been replaced with a 'reverse normal' with its bizarrely mundane repetitive strangeness.

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If there's one adjective that hasn't been used to describe this coronavirus pandemic, it's "normal." And yet, there is something bizarrely mundane about its repetitive strangeness. Every day, it’s the same thing.

The old normal has been replaced with a reverse normal. It's like going from being single to prison ... I mean married.

And we crave the things that we took for granted that are gone.

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Juan misses our after-show hug. Jesse misses his full-length mirror. Dana misses the magic mushrooms she used to buy on Canal Street. And I miss doing all that charity work for the orphans.

The social distancing has deprived us of a lot. Suddenly, the whole world looks like a gym on prom night, with people standing against walls, nervous.

But it's for a grander mission, to save lives. This is our D-Day – except the "D" stands for "do nothing."

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But there's one more thing I really miss. That's our "One More Thing" segment. Yep. I miss "Animals are Great." I miss Jesse's mom's ruthlessly vindictive texts. And Juan's endless stories about his tracksuit vacations. And of course, Dana's ability to use any story to work in a picture of her dog, whose name escapes me.

Wow. You don't get that on CNN. Probably for good reason.

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Now obviously, the press briefing interrupts our show, which it should, and so we never get to our "One More Things" – making us the real heroes. So because many of you asked for it – and many of you didn't – we're doing this show in reverse, starting with "One More Thing."

Adapted from Greg Gutfeld's monologue on "The Five" on April 7, 2020.

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