Greg Gutfeld: The Russia-Ukraine war is also a war between competing narratives

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Gutfeld reacts to the ongoing Russia-Ukraine war

Greg Gutfeld discusses Russia's invasion, and his mother's escape from Ukraine on 'Gutfeld!'

Hello. We're back. Lots of news went on while we were apart. 

Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian are still together. It's the couple that makes me ask: Would World War III be such a bad thing? 

But we've been off for a few weeks and for good reason. This is a news channel. And war is news. 

Actually, it's breaking news, and it's breaking all the time. But you can't spell breaking news without a break. And sometimes we do need a break. 

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But first, let's assess what we know.

KAMALA HARRIS: So Ukraine is a country in Europe. It exists next to another country called Russia. Russia is a bigger country. Russia is a powerful country. Russia decided to invade a smaller country called Ukraine. So basically, that's wrong.

You know, I love how she speaks to me, like I have a head injury. Maybe I do. 

But it's true. Russia invaded Ukraine. And like Joe Biden reading a children's book, what assumed would take days is now nearly a month. 

And with every passing day, things just get more desperate. 

And meanwhile, my mother-in-law escaped from Ukraine to Poland, and no, she didn't write out on her broom. She got out with the help of some very amazing people, which I'll get into in a second. 

But now my wife is out there in Warsaw trying to figure out a way for her mom to get home, which means I'm all alone. 

But I've been trying to keep busy. You know, it's been really tough. But I've managed to make some sympathetic friends. Look, I had to do something. Changing all the locks on the doors of the apartment only took about an hour. 

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But in all seriousness, thanks to Fox, I was able to get my mother-in-law out of Kiev. It's a pretty amazing tale. 

They picked her up in a small village and drove for hours, days even and were able to get her out of danger and to Poland. 

I believe they did this so I could use my new mother-in-law jokes. 

For example, my mother-in-law was stuck in Kiev, and it posed a dilemma. Get her out or block her on Facebook? Yes. Dead silence. 

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But seriously, my wife wanted me to send somebody in to get her, I would have, but I have a one-star rating on Uber. 

My mother-in-law was stuck in Kiev. And to be honest, I'm not crazy about her. So after hours of arguing about it, we came to an agreement. If rescued, I'm back in her will. 

But enough. In all honesty, she made and insane trek across the country and made it out alive, thanks to a hearty band of Fox News employees who didn't even know her but offered to help. 

I mean, who knew Dagen McDowell knew how to make Molotov cocktails out of hand sanitizer in a bottle of Purel? And who knew Kat could drink those? 

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My mother-in-law was reunited with her daughter, my wife Elena. I haven't seen my wife that happy since I moved into the guest room.

But, I have Fox News' is Scott Wilder, Trey Yingst and Steve Harrigan, among others, to thank for this. 

So it's obvious: The war in Ukraine is an ugly, bloody thing. It's also a war between competing narratives. Some are persuasive, but also confusing in this new fog of war. 

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It's always two movies on one screen. Ukraine is fighting and winning, and Russia is about to crush them. 

You alternate between screens, often with the same visuals. 

They say truth is the first casualty of war, but it's really perspective. When you start to find yourself moving from one stage of hopeful belief to one of cynicism. 

First, you're naive. Did you hear about the Phantom of Ukraine shooting down jets? Did you hear about the Ukrainian sailors refusing to surrender? Did you hear about Gutfeld mother in law killing her captors with a can of hairnet? 

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Turns out a lot of these stories aren't quite true, but are just meant to inspire. They serve a purpose, but they turn you from a naive consumer of news to a pissed off cynic like me. 

Problem is, that's as bad as being naive. Because for us, we want the truth. But in an era of social media and the internet, fables travel to the sun and back before the truth puts on its crocs. 

My gardener said that. 

So all we can do is watch and listen and hope for the best. And the best we could hope for that this stupid, horrible thing ends as quickly as possible.

This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld's opening commentary on the March 14, 2022 edition of "Gutfeld!"