Greg Gutfeld: A 'bunch of zeros' got Dave Chappelle's show canceled in Minnesota

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Gutfeld: Those who can't do, cancel those who can

'Gutfeld!' panelists react to First Avenue cancelling Dave Chappelle's Minneapolis stand-up performance over controversy from his Netflix program 'The Closer.'

Happy Thursday, everyone. What a great show we have tonight. But we always have a great show, don't we? It's as regular as me after eating seven bran muffins. So this monologue is about risk. There are people who take genuine risks and there are others who only pretend. Yeah, she's a real Nelson Mandela. Well, more like Nelson from The Simpsons. 

Anyway, when we think of risk, we usually think of young edgy types taking chances, daredevils, soldiers, SEAL teams, someone who will eat a bowl of chili before boarding a five-hour flight. That's Kat. And the opposite of risk, the old, the retired, sitting on the veranda, sipping Arnold Palmer while buying gold and silver from William Devane. 

But now it's reversed, the old are the new young and the young are the new old. Cancel culture has created a Benjamin Button effect in terms of behavior of older generations. As we get older, we're taking more risks, and it's the younger ones who aren't. Here's John Cleese talking about humor and risk taking.

JOHN CLEESE: A lot of comedians now are sitting there and when they think of something, something... "could I get away with it, I don't think so, so-and-so got into trouble or they said that, or she said that." You see what I mean? And that's the death of creativity... If you're worried about offending people and constantly thinking of that, you are not going to be very creative. So I think it has a disastrous effect.

Monty Python. In comedy, it's the older guys battling the safe spacers, whether it's Cleese or Ricky Gervais, David Spade, Colin Quinn, Nick DiPaolo, Dennis Miller, Rogen, Chappelle, Jim Brewer, you also see J.K. Rowling, Johnny Rotten, Eric Clapton, John Waters, Van Morrison, these are old people taking actual risks against the group-speak of wokeism. And then there's one other guy leading the pack, and who could that be? I hate it when the producers slip that in. You guys really stop it. 

So these old farts are standing up to the mob just like Frankenstein's monster, except instead of facing pitchforks, it's smartphones. Again, it's not the young, it's the old. Maybe it's because of wisdom or maybe it's Relief Factor. But I prefer to call it balls. Meanwhile, it's the young who must have every whim cater to them like a bride on their wedding day. 

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Last night, a Minneapolis club called First Avenue canceled the show by Dave Chappelle, citing public outcry, meaning they got a silly letter from some purple haired gnome with a BMI of 158. The club caved to the most low risk nonsense, a change.org petition demanding not to platform "trans-phobe Dave Chappelle." The petition reads, "Chappelle has a record of being dangerous to trans people and First Avenue has a duty to protect the community. Chappelle's actions uphold a violent, heteronormative culture and directly violate First Avenue's code of conduct." 

Dave Chappelle had a scheduled performance at First Avenue in Minneapolis canceled at the last minute after the venue caved to criticism Wednesday.  (Photo by Jeremy Saffer)

Well, if that statement was any more full of crap, it would be the floor backstage at the Westminster Kennel Club. And does Chappelle have a record of being dangerous to trans people? I mean, they're talking like they just found Caitlyn Jenner's bones in a crawlspace under his house. But Chappelle is being dangerous. He speaks his mind.

That's real risk these days in the face of the faceless mob. He is the daredevil unlike anyone who signs that petition. Meanwhile, the man who tried to murder him in L.A. is charged with misdemeanors. But when you think men could give birth, then everything is backwards. 

So these delicate daffodils claim they must be protected, imitating real people at real risk, just like AOC in her invisible handcuffs. So why not just skip the damn show? How hard is that? And even if they went, the only danger they face is that there's not enough room for their emotional support dogs. 

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So let's be frank, simply claiming you are trans or non-binary, it's not risky. It's not illegal, that's for sure. You get double the movie roles, and double the bathrooms and the media embraces you like the new flavor of the intersectional ice cream "try our new ginger with nuts." In the old days, young people did risky things, now they just write petitions, throw public tantrums, and pick a pronoun for their Twitter bio. They're only strong in a large group wearing a mask and carrying a bike lock. But that petition worked, it got Chappelle booted. 

Dave Chappelle reportedly "teased" protestors who stood outside of First Avenue, the Minnesota club which originally had plans to host the comedian on Wednesday night, but canceled at the eleventh hour due to backlash. (Getty Images)

First Avenue states "we believe in the diverse voices and the freedom of artistic expression, but in honoring that, we lost sight of the impact this would have. We know there are some who will not agree with this decision; you are welcome to send feedback." All right, so here's some feedback. I hope your club goes under like one of Ted Kennedy's dates. Yeah. Yeah. You believe in the freedom of expression only if Patton Oswald played there and put everyone to sleep. So that's my theory, old people have now become the young people and young people, the old. This feels like the right time for a skit.

So as the young prefer security, the old are out taking risks. They're having fun saying what they want. Larry Kudlow just asked me to go hang gliding, in the nude, again. Now, maybe the old have less to lose or a lot more money. Or maybe it's just hard to be afraid of a guy with ----. 

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The young people, though, demand safety and conformity. Remember this famous picture? White BLM protesters surrounding a woman at brunch demanding she raise her fist. That's as conformist and risk-free as it gets. And that's a lot of people these days who embrace the opposite of risk, which is, might makes right. Why do they join the mob? Maybe they're scared of the mob turning on them, or they're just doing what they think is popular. Like everyone that pretends to like NPR, or maybe they like the power and the attention, or maybe they suck. In the old days you'd say "those who can't do teach." Now it's "those who can't do cancel those who can." 

Either way, it's obvious how they never make these public demands one-on-one. It's always in packs because there's safety in numbers, even if those numbers are a bunch of zeros.