Rachael Ray says marital bliss comes from 'screaming matches,' no-apology rule with husband

Rachael Ray has a recipe for success when it comes to maintaining a long and loving marriage.

The former Food Network star revealed a few unconventional tips and tricks that help keep her relationship going strong with her husband of 19 years, musician and lawyer John Cusimano.

"I am very wildly, wildly, wildly lucky that I have my husband," Ray said on the first episode of her new podcast, "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead." 

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Rachael Ray and husband John Cusimano have a few unconventional marriage rules. (Jamie McCarthy)

"But he understands I need my space. He needs his space."

Some of that space may be due to the couple facing difficult situations head-on, and they do not believe in avoiding conflicts.

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"It’s very hard, especially for hot-tempered or creative or vociferous, loud people to be able to just calm it down," Ray told her guest, Jenny Mollen.

"John and I don’t calm it down ever. We have huge screaming matches all the time, but I think that’s healthy. I really do. And I don’t trust people that are too quiet.

Ray isn't afraid of getting into arguments with her husband of nearly 20 years. (John Lamparski)

"Too quiet freaks me out. I prefer that you tell me what you think when you think it, and let’s just get it all out there."

"John and I don’t calm it down ever. We have huge screaming matches all the time, but I think that’s healthy. I really do. And I don’t trust people that are too quiet." 

— Rachael Ray

Ray and Cusimano have a unique way of making up after an argument, too.

"I don’t know that we ever apologize to each other," the "30 Minute Meals" star said. "Eventually, I pat him on his a-- or he kisses me on the head, and that’s just sort of it. That’s the apology. 

"It’s just sort of understood. ‘I still like your a--. I still like your head.' It's kind of in that zone."

The couple met through a mutual friend in 2001. (Stephen Lovekin)

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In 2022, Ray told People magazine their relationship works because they "balance each other" out and "always have."

"We have volatile personalities, but we're both very practical, too," she said. "That's the lawyer side of him and the domestic side of me. We're like, 'These are the things that must be accomplished today. And we will get to this only by doing what work is necessary.'

"We have volatile personalities, but we're both very practical, too. That's the lawyer side of him and the domestic side of me."

— Rachael Ray

"John and I didn't meet until later in life and didn't get married until we were almost 40. We knew who we were. We've always been that way, for 20 years. We don't take it too much to heart when one person just has to vent or blow up. 

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"We're very good at being quiet also, with each other. We don't look for there to be constant chatter. And we're very good with giving each other space to work on our passions." 

Cusimano is a musician and an entertainment lawyer. (Noam Galai)

Rachael and John met through a mutual friend in 2001, and his line of work changed when he became more serious with the television personality.

"I used to practice in New York City as an entertainment lawyer, primarily in film," he said in an interview shared on the "Rachael Ray Show" website. "Then I met this one [Ray], and now I only have one client, and her name is Rachael Ray. So, I just work on our businesses all the time."

She agreed that his legal mind benefited her fast-paced lifestyle in front of the camera and also behind the scenes.

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"Smartest thing I ever did was marry an entertainment lawyer. Saved me a bundle," Ray said.

The celebrity chef’s popular daytime talk show, "Rachael Ray," ended in spring 2023 after airing for 17 seasons.