White House clarifies President Biden’s goal to reopen schools

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White House clarifies President Biden’s goal to reopen schools

Gutfeld examines the Biden admin's 100-day plan to reopen schools

This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," February 12, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: So on Tuesday, the Senate voted on the constitutionality of their impeachment rerun, meaning you had to watch this orgy of grandstanding all week. And if you don't, you'll be accused of siding with the mob even if you condemn the mob, even if you condemn all mobs. Oh, we take this seriously, but for more reasons than the media or the Dems think.  

Isn't it weird how both groups are once again in unison, singing like cartoon canaries about the same damn thing? First, the Dems.  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

STACEY PLASKETT (D), DELEGATE TO HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES FROM U.S. VIRGIN ISLANDS: That mob at the President's direction erupted into the bloodiest attack on this Capitol since 1814.  

REP. MADELEINE DEAN (D-PA): He pointed to us, lit the fuse and sent an angry mob to fight the perceived enemy.  

REP. JOAQUIN CASTRO, (D-TX): On January 6th, President Trump left everyone in this Capitol for dead.  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: Now, they're enablers in the press.  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN ANCHOR: The President of the United States incited a mob to breach the Capitol, overturn a free and fair election and kill them.  

CHRIS CUOMO, CNN ANCHOR: Trump sent the mob to the Capitol, angry, looking for you. Then he left you in Congress, you, Senate jurors for dead.  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: Can you even tell these two sets of clowns apart? But we've been down this road so many times we can drive it blind in our underpants while eating nachos.  

The media and the Dems share one narrative, from defending mostly peaceful riots to labeling all of you racists. But the constitutionality vote is weird. It's weird to be able to bequeath your own power by voting for that power. That's like letting employees at The Lincoln Project choose their own interns. Google it.  

And one of the retelling of the horrible events on January 6th, to what end is this miniseries intended? It's like watching 12 angry men over and over again until it's 48 angry men.  

Legal scholar Jonathan Turley put it this way, it is more emotive than probative. It's like showing the remnants of a fire that does not materially show that the accused is guilty of the arson. What he said.  

So why show the fire? Politics. Some fires are shown, others are not. Remember how the billions done in damages over the summer were ignored by the media as well as the violence. Remember how saying the word "coup" was considered extreme when the Dems did everything to oust Trump?  

Now it's all you hear about coup, coup, coup. But we know what a coup is. Does Jen?  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

QUESTION: The President's remarks at one o'clock on Burma, could you give us a little flavor of what he's going to say? Is he going to announce sanctions?  

JEN PSAKI, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: I've been here long -- we are having such fun together. I don't think you want me to get fired on week three of my time here as the Press Secretary. He will have more to say about actions being taken by the United States in response to the coup in Burma.  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: There is that sarcasm sidestep, her happy place when the brain freezes. Makes me wonder what she's like when she's not at the podium?  

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]  

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hi, how are you?  

KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR IMPERSONATING JEN PSAKI:  Well, that is an interesting question, right? I am not high. And that is one of President Biden's top priorities.  

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Hey, Jen, I love your dress. Where'd you get it?  

TIMPF: Well, that's a great question. And so your mom.  

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Is that a serious answer?  

TIMPF: Well, as I said before, your mom and I don't think I have any more to add to my answer at this time.  

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hey, Jen, your husband called. He wants you to phone him at home.  

TIMPF: Wow. Phone home, check out "ET" over here.  

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hey, Jen, how's it going?  

TIMPF: How's it going? Okay, I know there's something on that in here.  

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You've got some toilet paper on your shoe.  

TIMPF: Okay, toilet paper. I believe I did ask our team about this.  

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No, you have some toilet paper literally on your shoe.  

TIMPF: There is so much COVID stuff in here. You know what, I'm going to have to circle back with you on that one when I have more information.  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: Perfect. So, very good, better than my monologue. So what are the lessons this week? Well, you can't shout fire in a crowded theater, but the media and Dems can through narratives that divide and inflame a country.  

Here's the menu: all police are violent heathens. That narrative led to reduced law enforcement resulting in explosion in murders and felonies. All Trump supporters are stupid racist because their President is Hitler with a spray tan.  

Four years of labeling tens of millions of people as racist put targets on their backs. It's not shouting fire in a crowded theater. It is shouting hang them to an angry mob.  

An "LA Times" writer compared her Trump supporting neighbor to a Nazi. What did he do to deserve that? Burn a cross? Paint a swastika? No, he plowed her driveway. Yes, a good deed. And for that he was smeared as an angry nut from a neighbor who could easily qualify as an angry nut.  

Meanwhile, "Time" Magazine online or whatever it is these days published a wrote post about Biden's election when detailing a conspiracy involving a well-funded cabal of powerful people, secretly working together to change rules and laws, steer media coverage and control the flow of information.  

They were not rigging the election. They were fortifying it. The writer called it an extraordinary shadow effort. We call it a confession.  

And yet to ask if the whole thing is rigged, that's treasonous. So sorry, not rigged, fortified.  

So why was this shadow effort deemed heroic? Because the media and the Dems shouted fire for four years. They claimed the Trump presidency was an existential threat and was applauded and paid for it. Because not all freedoms of speech are equal, which is why they left these words out.  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

DONALD TRUMP, FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I know that everyone here will soon be marching over to the Capitol building to peacefully and patriotically make your voices heard.  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: You didn't see that at the hearing. That's lying by omission. So should we now look at the Democrat and the media's words? How many times did they incite violence? A lot?  

Yes, boy, can they fight. On Friday, the Trump defense played montages of Democrats and the media using violent rhetoric against Trump.  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

SEN. RICHARD BLUMENTHAL (D-CT): I am going to be fighting like hell --  

SEN. CHUCK SCHUMER (D-NY):  ... to keep fighting, fighting, fighting. We kept fighting and we did so we're going to keep fighting.  

KAMALA HARRIS (D), VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: We know how to fight --  

Our ongoing fight -- a fight. We know how to fight --  

REP. NANCY PELOSI (D-CA): And we just have to fight.  

This is a fight.  

JOE BIDEN (D), PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I led the fight and continue to fight.  

Never, never, never give up this fight.  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: It went on forever. Then they showed the Dems defending the riots.  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

HARRIS: They're not going to stop it. They're not going to stop before Election Day in November and they're not going to stop after.  

CUOMO: And please show me where it says that protests are supposed to be polite, and peaceful.  

PELOSI: I just don't wonder why there aren't uprisings all over the country, maybe there will be.  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: They could say that, you can't, because they have more rights than you. They are the establishment. You are the weirdos. We witnessed a hellish summer after four years of hostile narratives.  

The ugliness of January 6th didn't happen in a vacuum. Though the media would like you to think it did so they can blame you for it and put it on TV like an infomercial selling hate.  

Hell, they can even call you a Nazi. But don't return the favor. Last week, Mandalorian actress Gina Carano lost her job because she compared being conservative to being a Jewish person in Nazi Germany, an absurd comparison. But it's the same hyperbole used repeatedly by leftist celebs, media and activists who see no consequences at all.  

They invoke Hitler when it came to Trump suggesting millions were persecuted like Jews in Hitler's Germany. They get away with it.  

But Gina, not her. She's as bad as Hitler.  

If only someone maybe 10 or 15 years ago saw this coming?  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: If you disagree with me, then sir, you are worse than Hitler.  

If you disagree with me, then you, sir, are worse than Hitler.  

If you disagree with me, then you, sir, are worse than Hitler.  

If you disagree with me, then you sir, are worse than Hitler.  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: Wow, I've aged gracefully. I look like a sweaty corn fritter. Select bag of wet socks. How did I get on TV? It's unbelievable.  

That was "Redeye," my old late show on every night. It was such a great idea that we're doing it again.  

Yes, THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW is going nightly at 11:00 p.m. Eastern Monday through Friday. We'll be up and running shortly, and it's going to be great.  

And if you disagree with me, you're definitely worse than Hitler.  

ANNOUNCER: Exclamation point.  

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. Remember when your mom said if you kept making that face, it would stay that way. It's comedian Joe Machi. I hate myself for that one.  

She's proof that good things come in drawl packages. FOX Business Network anchor, Dagan McDowell.  

She always calls the shots and it's always cheap whiskey she stole from a hobo, host of "Sincerely Kat" on FOX Nation, Kat Timpf.  

And a pool stick is his toothpick, my massive sidekick and host of "Nuff Said" on FOX Nation, Tyrus.  

GUTFELD: Oh, I know, I know Tyrus was egging me on to say something completely cancelable. He wants me to get cancelled, but I'm not going to do it.  

Speaking of being canceled, Dagen, a lot of canceling this week. It wasn't just Gina Carano. There was a lot of people who lost their jobs.  

DAGEN MCDOWELL, FOX BUSINESS NETWORK ANCHOR: Yes, I can't keep up. I call it cancellation creep. It's growing like kudzu. Like, what gets you banished from culture or from your job -- the list is growing.  

A very good friend of ours, who is very liberal, discovered to much chagrin that the red shoe laces, the jazzy cute red shoe laces that he put on his hiking boots are a sign of white supremacy.  

GUTFELD: Really?  

MCDOWELL: Who knew?  

GUTFELD: Who called him out on this?  

MCDOWELL: Probably some sort of like woke enforcement person told him that. So I've made a list of things that need to be cancelled. Elmo. Elmo loves you. No, he doesn't. He is red. That is MAGA, that is Mega MAGA.  

GUTFELD: That is true.  

MCDOWELL: All of Tampa, Florida. Tom Brady plays for the Buccaneers. You can't root for somebody who is friends with Donald Trump. You should cancel all the Patriot fans as well.  

GUTFELD: Right.  

GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Well, let me get out of here.  

MCDOWELL: Golf.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

MCDOWELL: And golfers. Trump loves golf. Trump owns golf courses. You know, golf shoes, equal jackboots.  

GUTFELD: VW Golf.  

MCDOWELL: Yes. That should be canceled, too. Terrible automobile.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

MCDOWELL: There's my list. Elmo, gone. Off with his head.  

GUTFELD: Yes, it's about time, Joe. What do you make of this whole Nazi cancellation? Well, any cancellation?  

JOE MACHI, COMEDIAN: Well, when I saw that the words cancel and Mandalorian were in the same sentence, I got excited thinking that they cancelled Mandalorian. Congratulations, Dizzy. You've cured my addiction to "Star Wars." Where were you and I camped out for "Phantom Menace" tickets?  

But the interesting thing is, they can take away her livelihood, but the people taking away her livelihood, they're still stuck in that system where they have to live by this rigid ever changing conformity that makes less and less sense.  

It's almost like they kicked her out of their own prison. The only problem is, America still a nice prison.  

GUTFELD: Yes. That is actually -- that's a brilliant point because every morning, they still have to watch their backs.  

MACHI: Gina is free.  

GUTFELD: She's free. She is free. And I've noticed that there are people who get canceled end moving on and doing way better things and actually being happier.  

If they're canceled for the wrong things, if they're not canceled for the wrong things and it's different, Kat, what is your take on this?  

TIMPF: Yes, well, look, obviously not fair to compare, you know, Nazi Germany to the United States? No. The thing is, though, we could not have a more clear example of someone who got fired for being a Republican.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

TIMPF: Because, a guy on the same movie compared Trump's immigration policies to Nazi concentration camps.  

GUTFELD: Right.  

TIMPF: He is not canceled. Okay. And, you know -  

GUTFELD: Good point.  

TIMPF: Disney came out and said that they do not support you know, denigrating people for you know, their race or their religion. First of all, that's not what she was doing, okay.  

She was a celebrity with a trash political opinion. If we canceled everyone for that, there would be no movies. But you know, what does qualify is that, would be ethnic cleansing, perhaps. So maybe if Disney truly cared, they wouldn't, you know, kiss the asses of the Chinese Communist Party so much that they got a special thanks at the end of "Mulan."  

It could not be more transparent than this example.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

TIMPF: She was fired because she was a Republican, out of respect. They just said it.  

GUTFELD: I heard when she was fired, the Uighurs were like, thank you, Disney.  

TIMPF: Exactly. Exactly my point.  

GUTFELD: Thank you so much for standing up for us.  

TIMPF: Yes.  

GUTFELD: All right, Tyrus. You can choose from any topic you like, including how awful I looked back in 2007.  

MURDOCH: You look taller, but that's -- so we're for sure, five days a week, right?  

GUTFELD: Yes. Yes.  

MURDOCH: Hold on. Sorry. I'm sorry. You know, I never do this.  

GUTFELD: Yes, you never do this.  

MURDOCH: Hi, sweetheart, it's Daddy. Can I talk to mommy real quick? Yes, it's me. I'm never coming home.  

All right, what was your question?  

GUTFELD: I don't think there needs to be a question.  

MURDOCH: That's how you cancel.  

GUTFELD: That's how you -- exactly.  

MURDOCH: That's how you cancel.  

GUTFELD: You canceled your whole family. You canceled your own family.  

MURDOCH: When you say it like that --  

GUTFELD: Yes. You know, the good news is you're probably going to get a podcast. Because that's what happens after you're canceled. You get a podcast.  

MURDOCH: Yes, was that worse than Hitler?  

GUTFELD: I don't know. It might have been worse than Hitler. Oh my God.  

Okay, up next: is Cuomo toast? We'll let you guess which one we're talking about. That was classic.  

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)  

GUTFELD: The fall of Cuomo is no longer in slow-mo. According to a shocking report from "The New York Post," Governor Andrew Cuomo's administration intentionally hid the state's true nursing home death toll from COVID-19.  

During a conference call with Democrat state lawmakers, the Governor's Secretary Melissa DeRosa admitted they withheld data back in August over fear it would become evidence for the Feds saying, quote: "We were in a position where we weren't sure if what we were going to give to the Department of Justice or what we give to you guys what we start saying was going to be used against us." She has since tried to walk that back.  

We now know over 9,000 COVID patients were transferred to New York nursing homes since the pandemic started, a figure 40 percent higher than the initial stats from the State Health Department.  

Of course, Cuomo has refused to admit any wrongdoing. But DeRosa offered an apology not to the families, but to State Dems, saying, "I do understand the position that you were put in. I know that is not fair. It was not our intention to put you in that political position with the Republicans."  

So welcome to the Democratic Party of New York where political fallout trumps your dead relatives.  

Joe, I'm so glad she apologized to the politicians first. Amazing.  

MACHI: Well, hats off to Janice Dean for fighting for this story for a long time. And hats back on to the mainstream media for tossing that guy a whole bunch of softballs and an Emmy.  

It was a policy that made so little sense to begin with because you couldn't go see your elderly relatives because of COVID. In fact, the only way you could get in to a nursing home is if you had COVID.  

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.  

TIMPF: Yes. Great job, everyone.  

GUTFELD: Exactly. I love -- I love this, Kat. I was looking -- I went to go check out Cuomo's book and this is -- you know how they have blurbs. This is from "Entertainment Weekly."  

Quoting, "Andrew Cuomo is the hero that Americans never realized it needed."  

TIMPF: Oh, yes. I don't think anyone needed this.  

GUTFELD: No, I don't think so.  

TIMPF: I don't think. He should take all the money he made from that book and give it to all of these families.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

TIMPF: I mean, he won't obviously. I mean, look, this isn't surprising, right? Like, I knew that they probably weren't just this bad at counting.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

TIMPF: But, you know, it's the fact that they apologized, like the politicians, sorry, this was politically tough, you know.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

TIMPF: It's worse to you know, die. You know, it's worse to have loved ones die and then have the Governor's spokesman publicly mansplain their deaths to you, say you don't understand -- you know nothing about what happened like they did to Janice Dean.  

It is so gross, and just truly unbelievable. But yes, the hero -- I don't need that.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

TIMPF: I don't need that.  

GUTFELD: And we must not forget that while this was going on, they were playing Q-Tip theater on CNN with his other bozo brother. I don't know which one is worse, Tyrus.  

Does this kill his political future? But he is a Democrat, so they kind of have lower standards.  

MURDOCH: I honestly don't know. But I'm just trying to think in my mind how I could cover up 9,000 deaths. So that makes -- that's kind of -- that's impeachable. Right?  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

TIMPF: I mean, yes, I was thinking of the same thing.  

MURDOCH: That's like actual intent. You have the transcripts. You have admissions. Confessions. I mean, I'm not saying this to alley-oop, that's when you throw the ball up in the air and you dunk it. But I mean, it is an alley-oop.  

The other thing I like to say is, I think Janice Dean should run for Governor. I think -- I think she should fight. She's done such a great job.  

GUTFELD: That would be amazing.  

TIMPF: She is the hero that we need.  

MURDOCH: She should run for Governor.  

GUTFELD: She could definitely weather that campaign.  

MURDOCH: Boom.  

GUTFELD: Yes. That's why we are going nightly. It is jokes like that. But that's an interesting -- I mean, like she would actually -- she would win.  

MURDOCH: She would win.  

GUTFELD: On this point alone.  

MURDOCH: But this point is -- and it's probably off. It's probably a little higher.  

TIMPF: When people say life or death, it is usually not. This literally is.  

GUTFELD: Yes. It's true.  

MURDOCH: And he was doing interviews and mocking people and telling him to stick to all his people, his people saying -- and then they apologize to the people who don't care anyway.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

MURDOCH: I mean, even I made a mistake. This was horrible.  

GUTFELD: He can't do it.  

MURDOCH: Some form of ownership to those families. Great point the money from him. Well, you know what, because he's protected by qualified immunity, you can't even go after him fiscally responsible. That's another reason why the impeachment is an absolute joke. Politicians are protected by qualified immunity. So it's pathetic.  

GUTFELD: Dagen.  

MCDOWELL: I think one thing Janice said is that he was given like, a kind of glossy interview, I think it was "People" Magazine rather than writing condolence cards to thousands of people who lost their family members. They -- one of his henchmen on her and said that she should stick to the weather.  

GUTFELD: Right.  

MCDOWELL: They were saying nasty things about the grieving families and meantime, you know, he wrote that book and he was doing the Cuomo bro show.  

The very mention of this vile man's name makes me want to do a Regan MacNeil which I think is relevant because it's like Cuomo Pazuzu, Cuomo Pazuzu, Cuomo Pazuzu.  

He is a nauseating demon who makes me want to projectile vomit. I hope he is gone forever, but he won't be. Because his bro can give him a job.  

GUTFELD: No, someone will. Yes, it's it. I just want to add this like a couple of days ago, his brother was blaming FOX for January 6. And again, this is a guy who basically ran interference for his brother on CNN. I mean, you know, with the -- I keep going back to that stupid QTip.  

MURDOCH: It was date night.  

GUTFELD: Yes, it was date night. Yes, Dagen, tell us about date night.  

MURDOCH: Maybe, he should be on "The Bachelor."  

MCDOWELL: He was single and ready to mingle and he was trying to pick up chicks on his bro's show.  

GUTFELD: Right.  

TIMPF: His policies kill people's family members, and then what he decided to do is then bully those people.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

MURDOCH: While that as going on, death toll clicking up from the nursing homes.  

TIMPF: Exactly.  

GUTFELD: Incredible. All right. Up next, the White House really lowers the bar. It's true.  

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)  

JACKIE IBANEZ, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Jackie Ibanez in New York on this Saturday night.  

The Senate has acquitted former President Donald Trump in his second impeachment trial. The final vote 57 to 43 falling 10 votes shy of the two- thirds majority were required for a conviction. All 50 Democrats were joined by seven Republican senators making this the most bipartisan support for a conviction in history.  

Meanwhile, the push to recall the Governor of the Golden State grows. California Republican Party giving $125,000.00 to rescue California, one of several political committees working on removing Gavin Newsom from office. Volunteers reached a critical milestone by collecting the 1.5 million signatures required to get the measure on the ballot.  

Governor Newsom's political advisors called the proposal a misguided effort by Republicans.  

I'm Jackie Ibanez, now back to THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW.  

GUTFELD: It's been almost a year in this pandemic and I could find myself saying --  

ANNOUNCER: Please, God make this end.  

GUTFELD: Do we need a lucky charm to schedule a shot in the arm? If you spent the last few weeks fruitlessly searching online for a vaccine appointment, you're not alone.  

A writer for "The Atlantic" compares the distribution plan to the lines for cabbage in the old Soviet Union -- who waits in line for cabbage?  

Because to get an appointment, most are sitting at their computer with several links open constantly hitting refresh, hoping some appointments will pop up somewhere sometime before the end of time. And if you're not internet savvy, you're out of luck. Biden blames you know who.  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

BIDEN: My predecessor, be very blunt about it, did not do his job in getting ready for the massive challenge of vaccinating hundreds of millions of Americans.  

He didn't order enough vaccines. He didn't mobilize enough people to administer the shots. He didn't set up Federal vaccine centers where eligible people could go and get their shots.  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: Forgot that he is President now, the White House says they will have 600 million vaccines by July. So until then, we keep on clicking.  

One guy in New York figured out a way to streamline the info from all those websites into one place. He calls it Turbo Vax and it is updated constantly and he built the site for 50 bucks.  

So once again, the private sector builds a better product, which brings us to big government. Remember Joe Biden's commitment to get kids back to school in his first 100 days?  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

BIDEN: I made a commitment that we try to get K through eight, back to school by the end of this 100 days.  

We'll also do everything we can to safely reopen the majority of our K through eight schools by the end of the first 100 days.  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: Yes, well, that commitment has turned into a one day a week in April.  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

QUESTION: When President Biden talked the last couple of months, particularly during the transition about reopening schools within the first 100 days, why didn't he ever mentioned the small print that that was just going to be for one day a week as the goal?  

JEN PSAKI, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: Well, again, the President have made -- set a goal of reopening the majority of schools within a hundred days. And when you asked what that meant, I answered the question. So we are -- that is -- that is not the ceiling. That is the -- that is the bar we're trying to leap over and exceed.  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: A salamander could leap over that bar. I can walk under that bar. Joe, what do you have to say for yourself?  

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)  

ANNOUNCER: And now President Biden on reopening schools?  

TOM SHILLUE, IMPERSONATING JOE BIDEN: That's right. Here's my schedule Monday, go into school. Tuesday to Friday, you stay home. Zumba classes. These kids love Zumba. That ought to save some money right there. Six or 700 bucks at least. Save your money for shoes. All kinds of shoes.  

Cashews, Elizabeth Shues. That's right. If the shoe fits, Fairy Godmother says you can go to the ball. Walk a mile in a man shoes, you can -- I'll make you judge.  

(END VIDEO CLIP)  

GUTFELD: Tyrus? I can't even figure out how to get a vaccine.  

MURDOCH: I have no clue.  

GUTFELD: We're just -- we're not important enough.  

MURDOCH: I just -- I won't even know which way to go.  

GUTFELD: But even people who need it can't get it. Right? I guess?  

MURDOCH: You know, I think it just goes back to -- I just -- I keep saying to myself over and over again, "The adults are in the room. Change is this," now the only thing we've seen at a high level is Executive Orders and the complete disappearance of accountability.  

I get it. Things are more quieter now that we don't have the tweets, but then we don't also have any more accountability.  

TIMPF: Yes.  

MURDOCH: Because when someone didn't do their part in the government, President Trump had no problem pointing out who is not doing their job. Now we're back to the shadows. Now, we're back to oh, what we meant was the bar.  

That's not even -- that's not even like a chalk line on the ground.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

MURDOCH: One day a week. I have children. Actually, as many as they are sitting -- I have a lot. Some go to private school and some go to public school.  

All my kids in private school are a full day, five days a week. And when something happens, they make adjustments. Public school, they're on virtual learning and virtual learning is brutal because you cannot make a nine- year-old sit in front of a Zoom class with the technological advances that they have today. These kids are clever.  

One kid literally wrote buffering as his name. So literally, the teacher was like, oh, it's still loading and he was off doing his thing. They are that clever.  

My daughter took a selfie of herself and positioned it in front of the camera like this, then was off playing with Barbie dolls. And I'm --  

TIMPF: Imagine if no one asked her like what she meant by opening school. She's like, well -- going back to school one day a week does not mean schools are reopened any more than you know seeing your ex once a week at 3:00 a.m. means you're back together.  

It's like a cheap substitute and a joke. It is completely insane. If no one asks you like yes, we're reopening. That's not reopening. That's a pop up shop.  

MURDOCH: As a former teacher, it is completely insane. Because you've got one day a week. It's going to be like recess. They're all excited to see each other, and then it's time to go, then you've got to make up and then you've got to get them back.  

It's too much inconsistency for kids. It's fine for them because they don't -- they have no accountability anymore. It's not their fault. It is the other administration  

GUTFELD: Joe, I don't know if you got the vaccine. My analogy for me is that I'm like group nine when boarding a plane for this vaccine. I'm like in seat 54-J.  

TIMPF: That must be hard for you.  

GUTFELD: It really it.  

TIMPF: You're not used to that.  

GUTFELD: I'm not used to that. Shut up. Joe, how do you feel about this with the schools?  

MACHI: Well, I think one day a week does equal a full week of school in the same world where two weeks to flatten the curve is a year.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

MACHI: It just seems to me -- it's extremely frustrating because the government does the easy part hard. The hard part was getting the vaccine and the easy part should be getting people to get it, having a clear process for who gets it when and it doesn't seem to happen like that. And that's what worries me about single payer universal healthcare.  

I think most conservatives are willing to have the conversation that we need to get everyone covered with healthcare in some fashion, but should it be just the government? Well, then we're going to need more governments because there's got to be some sort of competition because this stinks.  

TIMPF: Or look at the website, too, like it is super confusing, you know, website. This guy can do for 50 bucks. It's like, you know, yes, the government is always the most efficient way to do things.  

GUTFELD: They could have done that for $50 billion though.  

TIMPF: Right. Exactly. But it was --  

GUTFELD: And it would jam up.  

TIMPF: Yes, they would probably spend a lot more than $50.00 for this bungled bunch of crap.  

MURDOCH: They might have to get a loan from the Nigerians.  

GUTFELD: They can only -- they can make a website for $50 billion that jams up like a 1982 printer. Remember those?  

MCDOWELL: Yes, that works like it runs off a Commodore 64.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

MCDOWELL: Or something like that.  

GUTFELD: Exactly.  

MCDOWELL: Yet two of the most frightening words, government portal.  

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. Government portal is like a toilet.  

MCDOWELL: But this is the nature of government and bureaucracy. Bureaucrats and politicians come in and take something that is crystal clear and obvious, and make it inefficient and nonfunctioning.  

Kids do not transmit -- even if they had the virus do not transmit the virus like adults do. They are less likely to get very sick from it. The science says get them in classrooms.  

GUTFELD: Up next, Valentine's Day and other romance scams.  

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)  

GUTFELD: If he tells you he is Jon Hamm, it's most likely a scam. The Federal Trade Commission says romance scams cost people more than $300 billion in 2020. That's a lot of money, Joe.  

It is up 50 percent from the year before back in the days when you could size up the jerk in person. With all the isolation we've endured, there's worry more people could fall victim to catfishing. That's when someone uses a fake profile and convinces the mark to send them money.  

Cops say some grifter convinced a 63-year-old woman on Instagram that he was Bruno Mars and was so in love with her he wanted to quit his tour to be with her. And also can you send me 10 grand for tour expenses. All told fake Bruno bilked her of $100,000.00.  

Who was this man? Yes, if you see him. Don't handle them on your own. Call the police.  

The F.T.C. says be wary of anyone who shows an interest in you, but refuses to meet you in person. Story of my life.  

And never ever send money to someone you've never met. But it seems they forget to mention the biggest scam of all happening this weekend, Valentine's Day. What a waste of paper and candy. Unless you're Sweet Tooth Tony.  

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]  

GUTFELD: That is a cat. It's not a child. Kat?  

TIMPF: Yes.  

GUTFELD: Pro? Anti-Valentine's Day?  

TIMPF: Yes, well, it's annoying when, you know, the chicks are super into it with the posts of the flowers and like my best boyfriend ever and my partner in crime, but also guys who are really like, do I buy her flower? So it's all dumb.  

GUTFELD: Great impression of guys.  

TIMPF: Yes, that's exactly whenever any man talks, that's what I hear.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

TIMPF: Yes, I don't know. But the scammer thing. At first, I was like, how could you be that dumb to just like, send your -- but then I realized I've been scammed out of money by men using far less sophisticated methods.  

Like, they'll just be like, I'd love to go out but I don't have any money. And next thing you know, they are living at your apartment and you don't even like the guy and it's like, why is there a Marvel movie on my TV? You know, so ...  

GUTFELD: I don't miss those stories anymore. Those are in your past.  

TIMPF: Thank you. Yes.  

GUTFELD: You know, Dagen, the great thing about married to a Russian like me, there is no Valentine's Day, unless it's made of wood. That's a Yakov Smirnoff throwback. I figured you would enjoy it. Remember? Everything was made of wood.  

In Russia, Valentine's Day made of wood. Come on, America. All right, just say whatever you want.  

MCDOWELL: I have a way for people not to get scammed because all relationships, all romance is about receiving gifts, never giving them. Even cash donations, so it's only a one way street coming in, intake only. There is no shipping, only receiving.  

So you can exchange maybe some physical favors like clipping a guy's toenail, but never give him any actual money or gifts.  

GUTFELD: You just put an image in my head that I have to get out by talking to Joe. Joe, have you ever been scammed? Have you ever been scammed?  

MACHI: Greg, I'm scammed in every relationship. I'll tell you what, sometimes it works out. One time, I think a lady was just going out with me for the free dinners. But the joke is on her because I was just -- I was using her day to eat at Denny's, you know with someone else.  

You know, Greg, I'm not having a great performance in this show and I blame it on last week's guests.  

MURDOCH: You know what? Me, too.  

GUTFELD: Tyrus, ever been scammed?  

MURDOCH: Have I ever been scammed?  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

MURDOCH: Well after what Dagen just said, yes, a lot. Here's the deal. First of all, people who get catfished, it is their arrogance. It's ridiculousness.  

People who allow themselves. If you've ever talked to anyone. Have you ever seen --  

TIMPF: We have a codependency about --  

MURDOCH: On the internet, not some guy in your face promising you gold and doesn't even have -- anyway, I digress.  

TIMPF: We're even.  

MURDOCH: But the point like you, your arrogance allows you to think that Bruno Mars is going to call you for some money. You know, and then your arrogance is that if you let's say on a good day, you're a four and a half. But for some reason, a 12 with one post and eight pitchers, is telling you that they want to see you but their phone is broken. Is this broken?  

GUTFELD: This is happening to me a lot.  

MURDOCH: And people, their arrogance, of course, it's got to be real. It's me. Like sometimes we need to take accounting for ourselves. And --  

GUTFELD: Half of my Instagram followers, I noticed have only posted once and they're all these hot stock photos of women. I've never looked -- I decided to look and I'm going like, who are these people? And I click on him. It's like one post, no followers.  

MURDOCH: No posts. No, and things like "Hi."  

GUTFELD: Yes. Hi.  

MURDOCH: How are you?  

GUTFELD: Yes. Poorly, poorly --  

MURDOCH: You had me at "hi." Yes. You know.  

GUTFELD: And if you are high, you respond. They hope you're drunk. This has happened.  

You know, when I came up -- you know, that was a Valentine's Day scam. I have a Christmas scam already planning for Christmas. E-mail children and tell them Santa won't come unless you Give daddy and mommy's Social Security numbers. How is that?  

TIMPF: I like it.  

GUTFELD: Yes. All right. I'm disgusted with myself. Up next, a dad needs to heal from a gender reveal.  

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)  

GUTFELD: What's the appeal with gender reveal? A video of a failed a gender reveal party this week showing a presumptive father to be accidentally blasting a blue confetti cannon into his crotch. Check it out.  

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]  

GUTFELD: Yes, hilarious, kid. Nothing funnier than permanent genital damage. But this is just another in a string of incidents that seem to happen at these events including even, yes, death. People die from this stupid crap.  

Last week in Michigan, an actual state, Dagen, one guy died from an exploding cannon use for a gender reveal at a baby shower. It is why I avoid baby showers.  

The bigger question of course is why are gender reveal parties even a thing? The woman who invented them says she now regrets it about as much as this lady regrets feeding that ostrich.  

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]  

GUTFELD: Slow down there, ostrich. All right, you know, what kills me, Tyrus, the laughing at crotch injuries is innate, because that child was maybe not even two years old and laughed hysterically. So this is not learned behavior.  

MURDOCH: Okay.  

GUTFELD: So there are real sex differences. I can't understand why people laugh at groin injuries. But we now know. Science.  

MURDOCH: First of all, as a father, I'm just going to let you know that your kids laugh at you at every moment you fall down, if anything bad happens. They laugh. When you lose an argument horribly they go, ha-ha, mom was right.  

They -- kids are horrible. They're horrible.  

They love -- when you're in pain, they enjoy it. They laugh at -- they are evil. And it is, it comes from a place they just know.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

MURDOCH: And literally, he is having a boy, apparently.  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

MURDOCH: So one day, he is going to tell his son, I gave up mine so you could -- and this is how you repay me. My gender is gone. I just shot it off with blue confetti so I can celebrate you and you're going to -- and you're not going to go to college.  

So he'll have that going for him, but that's a typical father thing. It was not our idea. We've got to put it together. It falls apart. It's our fault. Kids laugh at us. And then your wife gets on Facebook and plays the video to everyone and says, this is so great.  

But then she gets mad at you if you post a picture of them and she didn't put the filter on yet. Life is that.  

TIMPF: Well, you've got to you know, filter.  

MURDOCH: See what I am saying? Anything there. Now, at one point she goes, that's terrible. It's not fair. For fathers, no, you know what, you need to do that filter. I refuse.  

GUTFELD: Joe, let me ask you because -- where do you stand on gender reveal parties?  

MACHI: Oh, it's like one of those meetings that lasts two hours and you're like, this could have been a one sentence e-mail. I don't know why we're doing that. I also don't know why you would post that video.  

MURDOCH: Because they're the mom and the daughter thought it was hilarious and dad's feelings don't count. That's why.  

MACHI: Yes, you do something stupid and something happens to you. Stupid.  

GUTFELD: But it's painful. Dagen, I have to tell you as a guy, I don't have to mansplain how painful it is.  

MCDOWELL: I apologize for all women who continue to laugh.  

GUTFELD: Thank you.  

MCDOWELL: I laugh. I watch videos on YouTube of like people skateboarding and falling on a railing and I laugh when I read not even watch the video, but read "The New York Post" article about the video before I ever watched it. "Ill-advisedly flips around the cannon causing it to blast blue confetti directly into his groin."  

The end of that video by the way, the daughter starts crying when she finds out it's a boy because that's what men do. They're so dumb, they blast confetti into their crotch.  

GUTFELD: You know blue confetti was my dancing name back in the 90s  

MURDOCH: I don't know. The world's changed, Dagen. In my day, you got a phone call and said it's yours. You know what I am saying, it was like a knock at the door. It's yours.  

TIMPF: I don't get all the expression with like, if I -- you know, if I were ever pregnant, I don't think I'd be even concerned about the sex of the baby. That would not cross my mind because I'd be so busy freaking out like, is the kid going to suck?  

GUTFELD: Yes.  

TIMPF: Like, don't you -- how do you not worry about that?  

MURDOCH: If you focus on one that does well, then the other ones you just kind of go, you know.  

TIMPF: Like there's so much uncertainty like I will think, you know, maybe I would love to have kids someday but then I'll be like, what if they get lice? You know, like, I don't know how you can have these parties with all these balloons and all this excitement.  

You don't know if that kid's going to grow up to be someone who you know ends e-mails with "ciao." You have no idea.  

GUTFELD: You don't. You don't. You know what? That's -- I don't take the risk. I don't take the risk.  

MURDOCH: Don't worry, I've got enough kids for everybody. So we're good. We're good.  

GUTFELD: All right, more show next.  

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)  

GUTFELD: We are out of time. Thanks to Joe Machi, Dagen McDowell, Kat Timpf and Tyrus.  

I'm Greg Gutfeld and thank you for watching this show. We're going daily.  

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