The word on the street? Keep eating meat!

This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," October 5, 2019. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CHUCK TODD, MSNBC HOST: I don't say this lightly. But let's be frank. A national nightmare is upon us. The basic rules of our democracy under attack from the President.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, HOST: Oh, lighten up, Francis.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Enough of you. So after three years of poking the bear, the bear poked back, and who can blame him? They've been trying to impeach him from the day he got elected.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT: They've been trying to impeach me from the day I got elected.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Take the media. I don't even use fake anymore.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: I don't even use fake anymore. I call the fake news corrupt news because fake isn't tough enough. And I'm the one that came up with the term. I'm very proud of it.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Congratulations.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: You know, I get three days of peace, and I'm walking into the United Nations.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: Now, I get three days of peace. And I'm walking into the United Nations. I'm going to meet with the biggest leaders in the world, and I hear about the word impeachment. I said, what did I do now?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Bottom line, you shouldn't be asking two questions.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: You shouldn't be answering asking two questions. Well, it sounds like it might be a good question. Let me see if I like the question. Go ahead.

Maybe for the first time in three years, I'll have a good question, and I'll love it.

QUESTION: There is a report that came out just before you and President Niinisto walked out here that the whistleblower met with a staff member of Adam Schiff.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: But maybe he'll love that question.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I love that question. It shows that Schiff is a fraud. I love that question. Thank you, John.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Speaking of Schiff, I wonder if he made it up.

[Booing]

GUTFELD: I wonder if he made it up -- every word of it.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: He made it up, every word of it -- made up and read to Congress as though I said it. And I'll tell you what, he should be forced to resign from Congress. Adam Schiff, he is a lowlife.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Could he carry --

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: My goodness. Could he carry his blank strap?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: He couldn't carry his blank strap. I won't say it because they'll say it's so terrible to say. But that guy couldn't carry his blank strap. You understand that?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: We understand that completely. It's true. Adam Schiff is about a straight shooter as a drunk peeing in the wind. He had all the information ahead of time and he had the structure in place. Impeachment was merely the foot waiting for the right slipper.

And Adam went through a pile of them. He is the world's yuckiest Cinderella. But come on. Trump is only interested in corruption. He doesn't care about politics.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: I'm only interested in corruption. I don't care about politics. I don't care about Biden's politics. I never thought Biden was going to win, to be honest.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: You know, it's not wrong. It's not like Trump wanted Biden out. He always knew Joe was the wounded gazelle in the Serengeti. Really, it's not that Joe lost a step. He is missing an entire staircase.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: And Biden has never been a smart guy.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: I think Biden has never been a smart guy and he's less smart now than he ever was.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: I don't know. No, no, no. Really. Losing Biden -- losing Biden is not what Trump wants. So if it's not politics, then what is it?

Well, I've been in the media for 20 plus years. I know, I look young. I can tell you none of this is anything but political. It's all team sport [bleep]. People pick a side, then position their opponent as immoral.

Trump is no different. It's been done to everyone before him. He's just getting it worse because he is giving back as good as he is getting.

As a private citizen for nearly all of his life, he is not used to achievements overshadowed by ideology, and that's what's pissing them off.

Meanwhile, the story is a twofer for the media. It feels coffers with clicks and they don't have to report actual news, like the lowest unemployment figures in 50 years.

Instead, they dress up a political action as a legal infraction, all while denying their bias. No wonder Trump is pissed. Seriously. You talking to me?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: Are you talking to me?

QUESTION: Yes, it was just a follow up of what I just asked you.

TRUMP: Listen, are you ready? We have the president of Finland, ask him a question. Don't be rude.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes. He is mad. As the media pretends they had nothing to do with him being mad.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: He used vulgarity. He went after Democrats in the media repeatedly.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: He has pure rage at the predicament he is in because at the moment, he has not seen a way out.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN HOST: His anger was on full display during a press conference this afternoon.

ALISYN CAMEROTA, CNN ANCHOR: He raged and cursed on Twitter. He also expressed anger.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Oh my. They are shocked -- shocked by Trump's anger. They're like an arsonist surprised by all the smoke or a stripper suddenly wondering why all the men are staring at her.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Really, though I feel bad for any world leader who is with Trump at these press conferences. I mean, look at him. No one else is.

You're the Foreign Affairs version of a bridesmaid. But lucky you, dear viewer, because of Trump, you learn more about political malfeasance than ever before.

This Ukraine story is now about real shenanigans. Who cares about a phone call? But nepotism, we hate it. The corruption of a coddled incompetent offspring who is able to coast through life because of daddy's connections.

We all know Hunter has never worked too hard, parties too much, craps his pants at the Christmas party. And yet still gets cush jobs. Hunter Biden is the swamp's team mascot. But the media and the Dems have got other concerns. They take an exact transcript and twist t into something else and expect you the public to see what they see. Then they deny it when they're caught lying.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS, ABC HOST: I know you support Chairman Schiff, but was it right for him to have that dramatic interpretation of the President's transcript with the phone call at the hearing last week.

REP. NANCY PELOSI, D-CALIF.: I want the American people to know what that phone call was about. I want them to hear it. So yes, it's fair. It's said, but it's using the President's own words so that his --

STEPHANOPOULOS: Those weren't the President's words, it was an interpretation of the President's words. They are saying he made this up.

PELOSI: He did not make it up.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Talk about denial. Someone get her up to speed or get her some speed.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: I would like some, but believe it or not, Trump watches his words very carefully.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: I watch my words very, very closely. And to have somebody get up, and to totally fabricate a conversation that I had with another leader and make it sound so bad. It was so evil.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: But it's nothing new. It's what the media does. Take anything you've said, and find the darkest meaning. It's like they took a class in it.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TOM SHILLUE, FOX NATION HOST: So often, we're told to take things at face value. But in this class, you're going to learn to look at the darkest motives in everything, including things that at first seem good.

I'll show you what I mean with some quotes. "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: This is obvious, JFK is putting emphasis on how important it is to have some self-confidence so when we come together as a nation, we can achieve so much more.

TERRY: Dude, you're out of your mind. Okay. This is nationalism at its absolute worst. What is a country but a xenophobic landmass designed to keep other people out? Okay. Countries imply borders. All right. Borders are inherently, you guessed it, racist.

SHILLUE: Excellent. Here's another. "Give a man a fish, feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Well, it's clearly a lesson that actually learning a skill is a lot more important than just being given something without earning it.

TERRY: I'm going to throw up, okay. Teach a man to fish, teaching men to fish is what led to exploiting the environment, okay, which led to industrialization, which led to overpopulation which is, guess what? A major contributor to global warming.

SHILLUE: You are on fire, Terry. How about this one? "Hang in there."

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, you want to just hang in there for having, I don't know, like a rough day.

TERRY: You're insane. Okay, hang in there. This is endorsing capital punishment, you psycho.

SHILLUE: You know what? My work is done here. Terry, take over the class.

TERRY: You've got it. Okay, let's start off with my favorite quote, "Stalin was right."

TEXT: Terry went on to become Mayor of San Francisco. His parents hope he moves out soon.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

ANNOUNCER: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's go to tonight's guests.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Her first car was an actual beetle. My co-host on "The Five" and anchor of "The Daily Briefing," Dana Perino.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: He can kill you with a pair of underwear, while wearing them, former C.I.A. operative and Diligence President, whatever that is Mike Baker.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: She is gritty bitty from Motor City who also owns a kitty. Host of "Sincerely, Kat," on Fox Nation, Kat Timpf.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: And his sneezes disrupt the jet stream, my massive sidekick and host of "Nuff Said" on Fox Nation, Tyrus.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: All right, Dana, it's been a crazy two weeks, hasn't it?

DANA PERINO, HOST: Yes. It's only been two weeks.

GUTFELD: It's only been two weeks and it feels like 17 years.

PERINO: Exactly. And I think one of the reasons for that is because -- those of you old enough to have lived through the Clinton scandal, it is no longer the Lewinsky scandal, the Clinton scandal.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: That took many months, like 18 months. Right?

GUTFELD: Right.

PERINO: So we are two weeks in.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: And back then the only thing you had to check out on the news was e-mail that you sent around, and the Drudge Report.

GUTFELD: Right.

PERINO: Now you add social media, and a 24/7 news cycle to this, and with a President that is willing to go after the media, and it's like pouring fuel all over it.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: Lighting a match up and down Pennsylvania Avenue.

GUTFELD: Yes. I mean, basically what you're saying if you thought the Lewinsky scandal blew --

(Laughter)

PERINO: Yes, that's exactly what I was saying and by the way --

(Cheering and Applause)

KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NATION HOST: You're better than that.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Woos.

GUTFELD: It's worse. I don't infer meaning, Dana.

PERINO: I know, well, by the way, what is a blank strap?

GUTFELD: I don't know.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: You get it at the blank store.

PERINO: Oh, maybe you'll tell me later.

GUTFELD: Yes. Mike Baker can kill you with a blank strap.

(Laughter)

MIKE BAKER, FORMER C.I.A. OPERATIVE: I'll tell you what, there's a million ways you can kill somebody with one of those. How is it -- how is it that the word jock is the one word that President Trump self-edits? In three years, the only word he has ever self-edited is jock.

(Laughter)

BAKER: What the hell is going on? So, I just -- you know what? You know how I love to do research, right?

GUTFELD: Yes.

BAKER: With one of these shows, so what I wanted to do was just -- and then I'll shut up. It's just read --

TIMPF: I don't think so.

BAKER: Read a brief from a column that went into "The New York Times." Since 2015, we have been worrying about how much danger Donald Trump pose to democracy. Now, with the Impeachment Inquiry moving forward, a new question is rapidly gaining relevance. How and when or will President Trump leave the White House?

They're saying that even if he's impeached, and it moves through the Senate, or he loses the election, this whole column is about there is a good, good chance he'll refuse to leave the White House.

GUTFELD: Yes.

(Laughter)

BAKER: That, ladies and gentlemen, that's where we are in today's world, that's what you can't have a logical discussion about this process.

GUTFELD: Yes, they're nuts. They're nuts, Kat, except for you. You're just slightly nuts.

TIMPF: Oh I'm -- I'm incredibly well adjusted. Don't laugh at that. Look, I can't turn on the TV without seeing people arguing, talking about impeachment, and no matter how much of it I watch, I still cannot understand like, why the Democrats are doing it when they know it's not going to work.

GUTFELD: Right?

TIMPF: Like maybe it'll get through the House, and that's a maybe. They'll never get through the Senate.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: So why are they spending time, money, and resources on it? That is like hiring a wedding planner. When you know, damn, well, you don't have a groom. Right?

(Laughter)

TIMPF: Like, you can do half of -- we could do half of it just like they could get halfway to impeachment. You can get the dress, you can book the church. You can even walk all the way up there where they play the little song. But once you get there, you've got to be like, all right, bye, everybody, there's no one here. Like who would think that that was worth it? I wouldn't, you know, but that's what they are doing.

GUTFELD: Yes. You know what you do there? You marry yourself.

TIMPF: Yes, I wouldn't marry me.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Tyrus?

GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, CONTRIBUTOR: Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: Luckily for me, in my house, the two major news networks that cover this stuff in between them is "Forensic Files." There has been a marathon on, so I'm like impeachment, click, oh, murder. This isn't even the main event. This isn't even an -- it is pre -- if you like, let's do it. It's the pre-impeachment query. So they're going to investigate to investigate, so in case we might impeach. You sticking with that?

GUTFELD: Yes.

(Cheering and Applause)

MURDOCH: So you understand why I'm watching "Forensic Files." Because it's the only place I'm going to get facts is "Forensic Files" right now. I know that there's going to be a dead body somewhere.

(Laughter)

MURDOCH: And I don't know any facts of the other two shows.

GUTFELD: Wait a minute. It's not always the Navy that's involved with crimes. All right, we've got to move. I just love how everybody's called Trump combative, as if that's new. That's like calling Al Franken, AMZ.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: All right, up next, which candidate is this year's Hillary? And does the answer rhyme with Hillary? That's next.

(Cheering and Applause)

ANNOUNCER: And now “The Greg Gutfeld Show” presents, the 2020 CAN'T-idates.

GUTFELD: Her rallying cry went awry. You always run a risk when you do a call and response. Just ask Kamala.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SEN. KAMALA HARRIS, D-CALIF., PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: There's this whole conversation that's been coming up about electability focused on our campaign, is America ready for that?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No.

HARRIS: Well, yes, they are.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I think that was the opposite of what she was after. And that was the highlight of Harris's week. She spent most of her time talking about Donald Trump's tweets. She even tattled. Sending a letter of complaint to Twitter's CEO, how weak is that? Saying Trump shouldn't be allowed to tweet the things he tweet.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

HARRIS: His Twitter account should be suspended. I think there is plenty of now evidence to suggest that he is irresponsible with his words in a way that could result in harm to other people. And so the privilege of using those words in that way should probably be taken from him.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: She is like Brian Stelter in a wig. But let that last part sink in. The privilege of using those words should probably be taken from him. Now, you know, this is a bad idea when reporters ask other candidates about it and preface the question with, a really easy one.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

QUESTION: A really easy one. Should Donald Trump be banned from Twitter?

SEN. ELIZABETH WARREN, D-MASS., PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: No.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Warren did a virtual tie with Joe Biden now in the Ukraine stuff probably won't help them. And neither will this ringing endorsement.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MICHAEL MOORE, FILMMAKER: Joe Biden is this year's Hillary. Joe Biden is not going to excite the base to get out there and vote on November 3rd.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes, right now, Joe Biden is this year's Hillary, unless Hillary becomes this year's Hillary.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

STEPHEN K. BANNON, FORMER WHITE HOUSE CHIEF STRATEGIST: She is running. She is just trying to decide how to --

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Get that pantsuit, out of my balls. Meanwhile, this guy is thinking about jumping in to.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: Hey, I met him at Port Authority. Hey, Kat. Should Kamala Harris be rethinking their strategy on this Trump tweeting thing?

TIMPF: No, I actually agree with her that Trump shouldn't be on Twitter. But that's because I think no one should be on Twitter.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Okay. Seriously, are any of you on Twitter? What do you -- okay?

GUTFELD: You just pulled Kamala?

TIMPF: Yes, you're not. I'm sure -- I am sure you're much happier than I am, because I literally spent so much time on it. And I've never gone on there and been like, wow, I feel good now. You know, like, I always go on there. And I'm like, I kind of wish I were dead. Like, what are we doing?

Plus, it's not like, it's harmless.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: You know, any day now, I am going to lose my job and all of my income over something that I wrote on there for free.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: It happens all the time.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: It's ridiculous. It should be done. I'm going to go on as soon as I'm done talking, but I shouldn't. It's just like the devil dressed like a little blue bird.

GUTFELD: Dressed like a little blue bird. Mike, don't you think Ukraine is pretty much going to disqualify Biden.

BAKER: I don't know. In a normal environment, in a normal world and sort of the politics that we used to know. I would say yes, you have to remember Biden last twice before, right?

GUTFELD: Yes.

BAKER: Everybody loves Joe when he is on the bench, then he gets in the race and things start to fall apart.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BAKER: So I don't think he's heading towards the finish line in first place. But what Harris is saying about removing him from Twitter, and similar to what Sanders and Warren are saying about nobody -- there should be no billionaires. Billionaires shouldn't exist, right? It's all -- you cannot like Trump, right? You can wish that we had somebody more eloquent and more, more capable of not creating all these self-inflicted wounds.

TIMPF: He didn't say jock.

BAKER: Right. He didn't say jock, so yes, I take that back. Okay, you've got a pie chart of all the things that he does say, and you get that one little sliver with jock.

But I think if you -- so you can like his policies, right, and you don't like Trump, but what I worry about with 2020 is people are just going to be exhausted by the time we get to the election of the drama that surrounds President Trump.

And if what they're okay with is what's coming down the pike on the authoritarian lane, with Harris or Sanders or you know, whomever, likely Warren, then Godspeed, but I don't think this country can withstand a knee jerk from where we are now with the policies to that. And so I think people have to be very careful about what they do.

GUTFELD: Tyrus? Thoughts?

MURDOCH: I just -- I at WWE for a while and we learned how to talk to crowds. We learn how to feel crowds.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: Miss Harris, you need to learn, like when you walk in a room and you get up. That's not the crowd to ask questions to.

(Laughter)

MURDOCH: I knew from the moment -- first of all, when you're giving a speech and what looks like a high school auditorium after school. That means everyone who is there would rather be somewhere else. So to ask if you're -- you've got to know your audience. You've got to hype them up.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: She should have said like for everyone that you know -- are we happy to be here? There's free punchy cake after this. You know, tell them, look on your seat. There's hope. Like something. Are we ready for change? Yes.

But she was like -- and the one guy or two guys who said no. There were only two guys that said no. There was no one that said yes. That's the story.

(Laughter)

MURDOCH: We heard the two guys and one of them wasn't confident. He was like, no. I thought everyone was going to cheer like the two guys are being -- like that is a problem and that is the Democratic Party.

There is -- they're going to sacrifice what I thought was their best losing effort and by the way, if they sacrifice, Joe, if they get rid of him, if they ruin his career and legacy make it like he did something dirty with us. And that means that that will most certainly and Trump.

TIMPF: Yes, plus Biden.

MURDOCH: That's where the Democratic Party is at. We will destroy Biden to think we will get Trump.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: And then when it's over, they would have just destroyed Joe.

TIMPF: For Democrats, Joe Biden is a reverse triple threat. Straight white male. They don't like him.

MURDOCH: And he is old. Those old white men, you've got to watch them. Monsters.

GUTFELD: Dana? You agree with Tyrus?

(Laughter)

PERINO: Which part?

GUTFELD: I don't know.

PERINO: I think when Kamala Harris said that, do you remember the sad moment in the 2015 or 2016? That primary when Jeb asked a question and then he said, please clap.

GUTFELD: Yes, Yes, Yes.

PERINO: That's when you kind of know you might not have like a lot of support.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's why I never have to say please, clap. They just naturally clap for me. Like right now.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Terrible. I am pathetic. I am pathetic. Up next, a lot of us are seeing red. A lot of red.

(Cheering and Applause)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

JACKIE IBANEZ, CORRESPONDENT: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Jackie Ibanez in New York. Nearly 100 people have died after five days of protests in Iraq. Demonstrators are concerned about unemployment, deteriorating public services and corruption.

The government has been using curfews and an internet blackout to curtail the unrest. A daytime curfew in Baghdad was lifted today and protesters flooded the streets. You can see religious and political leaders are now calling for calm. More than 3,000 people have reportedly been injured.

Meanwhile, Haiti is bracing for more protests after thousands took the streets there on Friday. They are tired of corruption, ballooning inflation and a shortage of basic goods. Demonstrators are demanding the President's resignation. Two people were reportedly killed by police Friday. Weeks of deadly protests have paralyzed the country.

I'm Jackie Ibanez, now back to “The Greg Gutfeld Show.” For all your headlines log on to foxnews.com.

GUTFELD: They came with a complaint. Now they're covered in paint. Climate change protesters in London. That's a city in England, Dana, recently gathered outside the British Treasury building for a demonstration that involves using a fire truck to spray fake blood on the building's white facade.

The group known as Extinction Rebellion, which is also my safe word at the club claimed that they use non-violent civil disobedience to affect change -- jerks -- in this case, to call attention to the British government's investments in fossil fuels. Unfortunately, they quickly lost control of the powerful hose and things unraveled from there.

(VIDEO CLIP PLAYS)

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: It went on for a while. Did I say unfortunately lost control, I meant hilariously lost control. It looks like they did more damage to the earth with that oil based paint than anyone from big petroleum. Who says you can't get your point across with plain old water, right, champ?

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Did 40 takes on that one until we got the one we wanted. Poor kid. I don't care. Mike, I love this. Climate change is right for parody, and they parodied themselves.

BAKER: Yes, although this Extinction Rebellion, the XR is a fairly serious group that surfaced recently.

GUTFELD: Really?

BAKER: And they're about ready to, mind you start on Monday, an effort that could go over a couple of weeks of blocking downtown London -- Central London. And so they've got this whole massive campaign going on. They're much more you know, organized and well-known in Europe, but they get a lot of support from a variety of other groups and they have been very an increasingly aggressive.

The interesting thing with this story is that was a decommissioned fire truck. Now, if we can thank XR for anything, we can thank them for warning the Metropolitan Police and counterterrorism people about this potential threat because there were almost no police around the Treasury building. It took a while to respond.

GUTFELD: Wow.

BAKER: And that decommissioned truck just drove right up there and parked and so, you don't have to be a rocket scientist right, which terrorists aren't to look at this and go you've got to be kidding me?

GUTFELD: That's amazing.

BAKER: That's all we needed. So now at least, you know, the authorities are on to this particular scam.

GUTFELD: So their idiocy has actually taught a valuable lesson to our law enforcement across the pond as they say, Tyrus, you know what kills me?

MURDOCH: Me choking you rapidly for about 36 seconds. Just give or take.

GUTFELD: It probably wouldn't take that long. It probably would take that long, and I'd enjoy every minute. I would -- I would go to the eternal slumber with a smile on my face. As you cradled me and my lifeless body.

TIMPF: All right, you guys can do this later.

(Laughter)

MURDOCH: The reason why I mentioned gripping is because I eat a lot of protein.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: I eat red meat. See if the fake meat eating vegans would have little protein, they could have held on to the damn hose.

(Laughter)

MURDOCH: They have no grip strength because --

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: So true.

MURDOCH: I'm sorry. So can you imagine we're going to form a blockade. Wait 15 minutes, they will pass out. You know what I am saying, like continue with your fake burgers and your vegan lifestyle, and see if you can hold --

BAKER: Although to be a fair, there is lot of pressure on that hose, man. So --

MURDOCH: Bruh.

GUTFELD: You know, Dana, it's a great metaphor, though, right. People who claim to protect the Earth do way more damage than anyone they condemn?

PERINO: Yes. Well, and first of all, what it's sort of looks like Brexit.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: Right? This is how messy this whole thing is. Though Boris Johnson wasn't there. But this is the thing that kills me about these guys. Who do they think has to go out and clean that up?

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.

PERINO: And who -- and if they do block all the streets, who's going to be harmed the most? The people that need to get to work - that work out of the jobs that are trying to put food on the table? They don't help their cause at all. They achieve nothing by this.

And until they are ready to talk about nuclear power as an option. I don't want to hear from them.

GUTFELD: I agree completely with that sentiment. You know, Kat, I bet you have some kind of analogy about a guy trying to impress a girl at a bar and then he falls and cracks his skull. That's exactly what this is.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: They wanted to be -- they want to impress and they didn't. They just humiliated themselves. No?

TIMPF: Honestly, I was going to say that I feel bad for them.

GUTFELD: Oh, really?

TIMPF: I do because they were so close, right? Like, if they had just managed to get the fake blood only on the Treasury building.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And not on themselves. Climate change would have been solved, you know? Obviously, that's not a thing, right? So there's these people who claim they're so passionate about this issue, rather than coming up with real solutions, as Dana has just mentioned, talking about potential real solutions. They're just going to throw fake blood at the problem?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: I mean, what problem has fake blood ever solved? I have never even thought about solving a problem that way. And if some guy who says he broke up with me in 2012 claims otherwise, I want -- you ought to know that he is a liar and I have no idea how that hose got in my hands.

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Up next, a big victory for red meat this week. Take that, Kale.

(Cheering and Applause)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: The word on the street, keep eating meat. A new study by an international team of researchers, my favorite kind of researchers claim to have found no significant link between the consumption of meat and the risk of heart disease, cancer and diabetes. They say any benefits from eating less animal protein appear to be minimal and that contrary claims have used observational studies. I hate those because they can lead to misleading patterns.

"The New York Times" says the lead scientist on the study however, did not disclose his past ties to the food industry. Ooh.

Meanwhile, the American Heart Association otherwise known as AHA -- "Take on Me" right? And the American Cancer Society says this new study is garbage.

Right now, almost all dietary guidelines recommend limiting red and processed meats. But for meat lovers, this is the news you've been waiting for. And it gives me an idea for a great new product.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANNOUNCER: Attention carnivores. Do you love awesome things but also red meat? What if you could make those awesome things more awesomer by turning them into red meat?

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Take a ride to the top of the Empire Steak Building or bask in the delicious beauty of Meat Rushmore. And don't forget your favorite cable news hosts with the Super Duper Meat Ray 3000, you can wake up with Steve Juicy and Brian Kilmeat in the morning.

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So if you're ready for the greatest explosion of flavor the world has ever seen, get the flame-broiling, chargrilling, center cut, extra smoky, Super Duper Meat Ray 3000.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(Cheering and Applause)

GUTFELD: Tyrys, I believe -- and I think you might agree with me that nutrition science isn't the science that they keep changing their minds on everything.

MURDOCH: Yes, because they don't know anything. We're all genetically different. Like the best way to figure out -- these guys thinks I'm actually, I can kick and smile at you -- the best way to find out is you go to a doctor, you get a test on your genetics. You do -- you find out what is best for you diet wise, what food is good for you because it goes back to your ancestry what some people can eat read meat, some people grew up on a fish diet with their ancestors. There's different ways to go to find out what's best for you.

Or you just go through life, eat things, oh, I like this. I'm not sick afterwards. So I'm going to keep eating this. You know what I am saying?

Everyone is different, you know what I'm saying, like, allegedly my great grandfather ate bacon beer and the occasional slave master. Like --

(Laughter)

MURDOCH: Well, that's the real deal. Apparently, he ate his -- they couldn't find the body. It's real. But he didn't get a heart attack from it.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: But when you pull 10 people and make out, well, sometimes steaks make me sick. Steak is bad for everybody. That's what these tests are.

GUTFELD: Exactly. Dana, you eat a lot of red meat, don't you?

PERINO: I do. Well, so because I grew up on a cattle ranch.

GUTFELD: That's true.

PERINO: And my family still have cattle ranches, so I am biased.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: Okay.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: That's the left love science until there is science.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: And then they're like, oh, that person who is a researcher about food has passed ties to the food industry and they have to try to debunk it.

You know, I think that's interesting you say that, Tyrus about your genetics because I don't like fish of any kind.

GUTFELD: Yes, me, too.

PERINO: Like we didn't need it.

MURDOCH: But your family is from the Midwest. So there's a lot of oceans.

(Laughter)

PERINO: At least not yet, until the climate change.

GUTFELD: I was born raised on Pez.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Shot it right into my mouth. Kind of kinky when you think about it, Mike Baker.

MURDOCH: You know what --

GUTFELD: You know, what's great about this is, is the redemption for the cattle, the people that were smearing the cattle saying that their precious meat was bad. Now, they've been redeemed and we can eat them.

BAKER: Exactly.

GUTFELD: And their lives --

BAKER: And living out in ranch country. We're all about this at this point. But look, Tyrus is right, the genetic thing. I got -- my whole family has a history of heart disease. Everybody has been kicked by heart disease or is carrying hardware around with them. And I had a cardiologist telling me look, you could eat steak every day of your life. It's not going to make any difference. You've got what you got as far as genetics.

GUTFELD: That's a great doctor.

BAKER: He is a great doctor. And so -- and then I said, let me go get my wife who is the greatest person on the planet. I went and got my wife and said, tell her what you just told me. He goes, well, you should watch your diet.

GUTFELD: That angers me.

BAKER: And then he disappeared because I ate him.

GUTFELD: You killed him, didn't you?

BAKER: Yes.

GUTFELD: You killed your doctor.

BAKER: And then me and Tyrus, grilled him up.

MURDOCH: Hey, hey. That was my great grandfather. That wasn't me.

GUTFELD: Kat?

MURDOCH: Don't bring me in your little party.

GUTFELD: Kat, I liked it. And I love -- I love carbs. But let's be honest, the nutritional pyramid made this country obese, because they made carbs the basic part of the pyramid and that was wrong.

TIMPF: Maybe I'm like a daredevil or like, out of my mind, but I actually don't need the government to decide what to eat.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Like the way that I do it. Maybe you guys are different is I'll be like, I kind of want a turkey club. And then I eat one. I don't call up the F.D.A. like should I have this club? And like, I've been -- not to brag, I've been totally fine figuring out what to eat on my own.

I've never been like, ooh, this cyanide looks good. Like, maybe I should use that in place of chicken broth. No, none of us are stupid enough to actually need this.

We decide what we eat. The government shouldn't even be issuing these guidelines because they keep changing and also like, if you're listening to the government and that you're deciding what to eat based on the government, then you make me sad.

GUTFELD: Yes. You know, at the farm, Dana, I believe you had a turkey club. It was a horrible device.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Up next, how do Americans define success besides Lou Dobbs, of course?

(Cheering and Applause)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Is it a sham to live for Instagram? A new poll asked Americans to rank the factors they think society uses to define success? Is it your job or your family or your income? No, no and no. Being famous is what we think is society's top marker for success, so is having a large social media following, especially for people under 35 like me.

They all want to be an influencer on Instagram. People will do anything to make their life look exciting online. Take this woman at the Bronx Zoo, who earlier this week posted an Instagram video of herself entering a lion habitat. Yikes. But what she crazy or just desperate for likes? Believe me. I know what it's like walking into a lion's den.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: I barely got out of there alive.

(Laughter)

GUTFELD: Actually, they asked me to leave. Eight times. All right. I don't know who to go to first because everybody has strong opinions. Dana, I go to you. We know -- we talked about this. Defining success by the attention you seek is not a good way to live.

PERINO: And also like, if you have aspirations to achieve something and you think that just because you become famous, you will achieve something you are going to be sorely disappointed.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: I mean, I think Instagram is really important for pictures of Jasper.

GUTFELD: Yes.

(Laughter)

PERINO: I mean, America agrees.

GUTFELD: Yes. America -- and the thing is, the great thing about the dog he doesn't know. It's not like he checks his likes or anything.

(Laughter)

PERINO: He is just famous.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. You know what? It's like what I was saying like the homeless guy with the dog. That dog is having a great time. He is without -- he has no idea. Same with --

PERINO: The guy is getting left home alone.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes, that's true. That's true. Well, I'm sad. Mike, we're creating a metric for self-worth that is publicly measured. It's like when we were young, we didn't know if we were popular or not within we were, within our classroom. But we didn't compare it to everybody else in this world. Now, we do.

BAKER: I think it's -- in all seriousness, I think it's super sad. I think it's a sad statement on where we are. I've got my three little boys, Scooter and Slug-o and Mugsy. I talk to them about this all the time.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BAKER: Because they -- they're living it right now. This is this is all they know, is this environment.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BAKER: You know, if you've got, you know two million followers on Twitter, well, then you must know what you're talking about. And it's -- I don't know how else to describe it other than I'm just very sad about the way that we look at this and what's important in our lives.

GUTFELD: Says a guy who killed people for money.

BAKER: Yes. Really and fun. Don't forget that.

MURDOCH: He loved his work. You've got to love your work.

GUTFELD: He's got to love his work.

PERINO: You have a lot of personal regrets.

TIMPF: No matter what you do, you'll never work a day in your life.

GUTFELD: Yes, this social media thing is dangerous, but I've got to go strangle a guy with some piano wire.

BAKER: Oh, let me get the picture of that.

GUTFELD: He is having selfies.

BAKER: Right.

GUTFELD: Kat? You have a social media following and I don't think it's made up person.

TIMPF: I was going to say, Greg, I, as we all know, am very famous.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: I'm not the most famous. It's like Kim Kardashian. Justin Bieber, Kat Timpf, you know? No, I'm not super -- no, look I'm not super famous. But I am like more famous than I was years ago. Right?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And I agree with you. It is sad because none of that has made me any happier. The things -- and I'm being serious here. The things that have made me happier have been, you know, feeling like my work was having an impact, those sort of things. That's what people should be striving for, not fame. So that's the serious part.

I do want to talk with the lion lady, though.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Real quick.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: I think that her wanting to be famous had something to do with it. I also think it's this lie that we tell people in society that you can be whatever you want. You can do whatever you want.

Sure, I can go in there and taunt a lion because if you can dream it, you can do it. That is a lie.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: We need to stop teaching our children that. I was taught that in school and because of it, I spent way too long and youth soccer.

GUTFELD: Yes. Tyrus, you have advice -- advice for kids today?

MURDOCH: I have advice to the lady. I wish I could have been there. I would have got you -- go on, take your ass over there. I'll take the picture. I got it. Get closer. Get closer. Yes, there you go. Oh, you, oh. And then I'll take --

(Applause)

MURDOCH: You know, put the emphasis on the wrong things and we reward them because it's an easy way out for a lot of people. I'm just waiting for my big break. I've got my YouTube show coming on. Man, that's when the buck start rolling it. No, your ass needs to get education and get a real job. The fame stuff comes or it doesn't. But it doesn't define who you are.

GUTFELD: And believe me, as someone who is very famous, it's underrated. "The Gutfeld Monologues Live Fall Tour" resumes next weekend, Saturday, October 12th in Omaha, stops in Jacksonville, Durham in November. Cleveland and Knoxville in December. Tickets still available for all shows. Go to ggutfeld.com for tickets.

(Cheering and Applause)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: We are out of time. Thanks to Dana Perino, Mike Baker, Kat Timpf, Tyrus, our studio audience. I'm Greg Gutfeld and I love you, America.

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