'The Five' on crime sprees in California, gas prices under Biden

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'The Five' mock Democrats' gas prices tweet praising Biden

'The Five' panel reacts to the DCCC thanking President Biden for 2-cent drop in gas prices

This is a rush transcript from "The Five" December 3, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

JESSE WATTERS, FOX NEWS HOST (on camera): Hello, everybody. I'm Jesse Watters along with Dagen McDowell, Jessica Tarlov, Dana Perino, and Greg Gutfeld.

It's five o'clock in New York City, and this is THE FIVE.

It is a coast-to-coast crime wave brought to you by Democrats weak and completely irresponsible crime policies. Smash and grab game striking yet again in California this time knocking off a jewelry store. And as for the thieves who have been busted for storming other places, well, the LAPD announcing 14 suspects have been set free. The police chief blasting no bail policies.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MICHEL MOORE, POLICE CHIEF, LOS ANGELES POLICE DEPARTMENT: All of the suspects taken into custody are out of custody. Be there as a result of one juvenile. Or the others as a result of bailing out, or no bail, zero bail criteria.

The risk of COVID to those that are in custody the court system installed the zero-bail system as a mean of safeguard, but as we evolve through this, there's criminal elements of -- the criminal elements that are recognizing that condition and are capitalizing on it.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS (on camera): In New York City a suspected gang member with a long rap sheet going on a stabbing spree. Knifing a Columbia student who bled to death and then wounding a tourist. The Bank of America telling its employees to dress down to avoid getting targeted on the street while the city gets rocked by a crime wave.

So, what does the White House plan to do about all of this? Jen Psaki trying to clean up her boneheaded comments yesterday, blaming the crime on COVID. Watch.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JEN PSAKI, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: I think a root cause in a lot of communities is the pandemic. Yes.

What I should have added yesterday but I learned afterwards is that the Justice Department and the FBI and the federal law enforcement have been in touch, in contact with jurisdictions where we have seen this high level of retail theft.

On top of that the Department of Justice announced last week that San Francisco where a number of high-profile retail thefts have happened, will get money to high 50 more police officers through the cops' program.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS (on camera): I don't know. Is that going to cut it?

DANA PERINO, FOX NEWS CO-HOST: Well, the thing is, adding 50 police officers, fine. That might be a great for a day but then if the career criminals get back on the street the day after they are arrested and are just let go because of the policies, then it doesn't make much sense.

And I think that it would -- the White House I think would be in a position to be able to say what's happening at the local level is wrong but they won't, because all of it goes back to all the big funders from the beginning.

WATTERS: Yes.

PERINO: And you know, Michael Bloomberg also was a part of this and trying to get more progressive district attorneys in this -- in the country that has happened and apparently has work. I think the White House ought to ban a phrase "root causes."

WATTERS: Yes.

PERINO: They have so many root cause issues that they are not actually addressing that is because --

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: They are the root cause.

PERINO: And the thing like they have jobs numbers today and it's almost like the career criminals, their jobs are like secure. Because you are not ever going to get put in jail and made to stay there.

If I were at the White House, I would definitely say we should change this up immediately, one, on the merits that's necessary because of what's happening. But two, because Jessica has made some great points this week about you can't tell people that what they are seeing with their own eyes isn't happening.

Because that's the surest way to make sure that you are going to fail in elections and then you can't get any of your policies done.

WATTERS: Do you have more great points?

JESSICA TARLOV, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: I think so. You may not think so but I think Dana will.

WATTERS: Well said.

TARLOV: There are three key players that I see here. So, the police chiefs, the D.A.'s, and the mayors. And you are hearing more out of the police chiefs and the mayors about this problem. Eric Adams went down to the Biden White House for a meeting that was all police chiefs and mayors. He is taking a very tough on crime stance. We'll see what happens when he gets inaugurated. But that was obviously part of his platform for winning.

So, if we get them in sync and that means that those two groups, the police chiefs and the mayors going to the D.A.'s and saying in practice this is not working. I understand where all progressives here. Because most of the mayors are also progressive like the D.A.'s. But this is what's happening on the streets.

And if we don't get all on the same page, funding is going to be cut, we're also going to lose -- continue to lose tax dollars because people are going to move out of the cities. They are not going to become empty.

So, bringing back together which is something that Bloomberg worked on really hard when he created this mayoral task force, there was a nationwide project, and was actually quite effective is something that I think is going to underpin a change here. And then the White House will be able to speak more cogently about what they are doing to try to help.

WATTERS: But don't you also have to kick down doors at the city council level? Because it was the radical city council members that put all these policies in place.

DAGEN MCDOWELL, FOX NEWS BUSINESS CORRESPONDENT: You brought in my note.

WATTERS: I'm sorry.

MCDOWELL: No, no, I was thinking that when Jessica was saying that. This actually is a statewide level.

WATTERS: Yes.

MCDOWELL: Because in New York the bail reform --

PERINO: Yes.

MCDOWELL: -- was at the state level, also something here in New York, discovery reform which led to fewer witnesses going forward because --

WATTERS: What's that.

MCDOWELL: -- the defense teams were basically given the personal information of witnesses. And so, it discouraged witnesses from coming forward.

WATTERS: That's crazy.

MCDOWELL: The city council here in New York City also passed a few years ago, like three years ago, the Right to Know Act which forces the cops to inform suspects that, you can tell us not to search you.

It puts -- it puts the cops and the role of being legal counsel --

PERINO: Yes.

MCDOWELL: -- to criminals. So, there are myriad problems. It will take years to be undone. If they can be undone at all. But I'll tell you one thing that would help, if Bank of America, they're telling their employees quietly up, maybe don't wear your wedding ring or your engagement ring to work. They're essentially telling their employees you're in danger if you come to work here. Why not --

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: Yes, why not just work from home?

MCDOWELL: Why not move your damn jobs to somewhere that's more hospitable. You start moving your tax base out of New York City, the building is right down the street, you know who's going to snub and take notice? It's the city council and it's the state government. That's what they ought to do.

PERINO: Good point.

MCDOWELL: They are already in Charlotte. Move them on out. No one wants to live there anyway. It's a hell hole.

WATTERS: Gutfeld doesn't have to worry about looking too nice when he leaves the building.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CO-HOST: What is that supposed to mean?

WATTERS: You look at yourself --

GUTFELD: What's wrong?

WATTERS: You don't look like you are flossed out, Gutfeld. Look, you've got a black sweater.

GUTFELD: Where is this going?

WATTERS: You know --

GUTFELD: Does anybody know?

WATTERS: No one knows.

GUTFELD: You shouldn't just let him go.

WATTERS: I love that.

GUTFELD: You know, the root cause of crime is progressivism. It is the misunderstanding of incentives. They are incentivizing crime by with no bail and all of these measures. That's why you have the criminals.

We are allowing the media, the White House to redefine crime is like a weather pattern. Like, you know, you go out there, be sure to bundle up. Dress like a hobo. Right? Because there's a 70 percent chance of smash and grab. Thirty percent chance of felonious assault. So, it's up to you and it's out of your hands.

I am so -- I feel so hopeless about this because it's been going on for quite a while. I am thinking about joining the dark side. Why bother being a law-abiding citizen and pay all these taxes and go shopping when you can just smash and grab? I mean, why am I going to Amazon online when I live around the corner from the store? I could just totally smash them windows. take some -- just join.

If you can't beat them, join them. There should be an app for solitary people like me who can meet up with other solitary looters. Because that's my problem. I don't know, like I don't have a lot of friends. I don't have a mob that can like come with me while I go trash other people's private property.

So maybe we could do -- we could do an app for that. The bottom line is we have redefined law and order as systemically racist so anytime you enforce the law, you're going to be called a racist. Which is the most effective method for undermining society. We are watching society implode.

I feel absolutely hopeless. That kid. That Columbia kid was murdered, was murdered by a guy that's been in and out of jail. I mean, maybe his parents have some influence. Maybe with the home invasion in Beverly Hills, will that wake-up people? You know, a music legend murdered, right? While her husband was sleeping or her husband was sleeping. She was murdered. Why -- how -- doesn't this wake Pelosi up? Don't some of these people travel in the same circles?

WATTERS: Well, I mean, it shouldn't have to happen that way. That's the point.

GUTFELD: Yes. But you know what, not until hell comes to their house --

WATTERS: Right.

GUTFELD: -- will they wake up.

WATTERS: Well, it's coming pretty close.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: Straight ahead, Democrats getting roasted for a ridiculous attempt to brag about the Biden economy.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

MCDOWELL (on camera): Democrats getting ridiculed for their pathetic attempt at trying to give President Biden a pat on the back despite soaring gas prices. The Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee proudly tweeting out this cherry-picked chart showing gas prices dropping by $0.02 over two weeks.

Even The Washington Post thinks it's lame, saying it might be the worst defense of the Biden administration yet. What jackass thought this was a good idea and should said jackass be fired?

PERINO: Well, I think I should -- we should refer to Jessica to make the one great point about how this all started. So, I don't take it.

(CROSSTALK)

TARLOV: As though as the jackass?

PERINO: No. Because I don't want to --

(CROSSTALK)

TARLOV: No. No, she already talked about it on America's Newsroom but what is funny about this is it was a joke from (Inaudible). He's a super lefty and has -- I very much enjoy his Substack, I would say. And he did it as a joke. The DCCC took it seriously, it's been retweeted by Ron Klain. It's really bad y- axis.

PERINO: Yes.

TARLOV: Like, it's insane.

GUTFELD: More like why not access.

PERINO: Yes, why not.

TARLOV: So that's a nice little distraction to the whole thing. There were some good things. The 4.2 percent unemployment rate is good. I imagine that the job numbers will be revised like it has been for the past few months because (Inaudible) just doesn't sink up with it. I think we are at an average of 588 a month during the Biden administration which is good. I know we're coming out of a pandemic. But that is the origin of the chart.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: The thing is the administration has these allies like the DCCC. That's basically the campaign arm that tries to get Democrats elected to the House of Representatives. And you know, maybe somebody thought it was cute. There's no quality control, whatever.

And it seems harmless, right, but it absolutely undermines all the credibility. Everyone from The Washington Post on down basically said this is so embarrassing. You should never be allowed to do this again.

MCDOWELL: Now almost as embarrassing as the White House talking about the July 4th your barbecue is going to $0.16 cheaper than it was a year ago.

PERINO: Yes.

MCDOWELL: So, Greg, they don't know what to do.

GUTFELD: See, I actually appreciate this kind of thing because it's a great lesson in data manipulation. We are living in -- we're drowning in data and almost all of it is B.S. Because it's when the data comes out, it ends up being manipulated in a way that it can't be trusted.

So, you see what this chart did, is that it zeroed in on the smallest increase and created a line that appears to be dramatic when in fact it's just a tiny little thing. For example, let's say you hear about a study that says if you take the conclusion from the study is if you take this pill, it will cut the rate of illness in half. Right?

But then you read up. And it was like, it went from two people in 10,000 to one person in 10,000. So cut in half but it's essentially meaningless. That's how you deal with data. And you -- the best thing you can do when you take statistics courses, learn how to read stuff, take an economics class --

PERINO: Yes.

GUTFELD: -- if you're young because then you'll be able to laugh at this stuff and not get taken.

WATTERS: Well, they did this with the coronavirus.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: Cases exploding 20 percent!

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: Cases went from four to six.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.

WATTERS: Something like that.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

WATTERS: I don't know if the Democrats are dumb or they think the American people are dumb. If the Democrats are dumb, that makes sense to me, right? That would explain their dumb policies. I get that.

But if they think the American people are so dumb that they are going to see this and go, Joe, thank you. I'm so grateful, then that really pisses me off because it shows a lot of contempt for the voters.

They're just not even going to look at the fine print. Or they are just going to scan through and see this and just be deceived. There is a difference between spin which a lot of people do, and deception. And I know that difference because occasionally I will spin.

GUTFELD: You do.

WATTERS: Occasionally.

TARLOV: But never to say --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You know what, though? It's kind of like people get taken by this kind of data game, or the same people that fall for like fad diets. Like 70 percent. Like people that are into drinking raw milk. Right?

WATTERS: Well, if you do your research, you might realize that raw milk could be healthy --

GUTFELD: All right.

WATTERS: -- to some people. Let me continue. The way that they've deceived people here.

(CROSSTALK)

MCDOWELL: You and your left-wing progressive diet that you're peddling.

WATTERS: This is what this is like what they did. This is the scam. This is like when some 50-year-old woman with obvious plastic surgery tells you she's 25 and she has never been under the knife. All right. That is taking someone for a fool. It's clear she's been under the knife. It's clear she's not 20 years old.

That's what that chart is. All right? The other thing is, too, so when the price of oil and gasoline was going up a $1.50 in the first what, nine months of the Biden administration, Biden said he couldn't control energy prices. So then in two weeks it goes down $0.02 and he goes, that was me, guys.

PERINO: Yes, exactly.

WATTERS: So, I mean, can you control it or not?

GUTFELD: And also, what is so idiotic about bragging about the decline in gas prices is it's related to supply. So, if you're in favor of increasing the supply of oil, then you should be in favor of pumping as much as this nation possibly can.

WATTERS: Yes.

MCDOWELL: That's what doesn't makes sense.

PERINO: You're right. That's why they're basically, it's like they cannibalize their own policy.

MCDOWELL: Yes.

PERINO: Because they were like, we want to have high gas prices because then you want to buy electric vehicles, but electricity is also expensive. OK. So, now we want OPEC to pump more so that we can have lower gas prices. And it's like a vicious cycle.

GUTFELD: Cannibalization, now there's a --

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: I mean, they are very thin.

GUTFELD: You don't see a fat cannibal at all.

TARLOV: I was just going to say to Greg's point, I think it's great now that people actually in polls look at the cross tabs and they see what group has been over sampled and make their own conclusions. And now that we have --

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: You're speaking as language.

WATTERS: This is how I know you guys rigged all those polls, because I looked at the cross tabs. And you oversample Democrats like 15 percentage points.

TARLOV: Well, we won.

WATTERS: No, but remember the poll in Wisconsin? Trump was going to lose by 17 points. Come on. ABC/Washington Post I don't forget.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: How about Ciattarelli in New Jersey?

WATTERS: Another --

PERINO: Yes.

WATTERS: -- poll rigging extravaganza.

MCDOWELL: Yes. And if a 50-year-old is getting a face-lift, she's really 70, so. And she's never going to tell you she looks 25. Because she won't. She would look like she has a face-lift.

Up next. I don't -- I'm not speaking from my experience. No remorse you won't believe who Alec Baldwin is blaming for that tragic movie set accident.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

PERINO: Alec Baldwin not taking any responsibility for the death of cinematographer Halyna Hutchins after accidentally shooting her on a movie set. Baldwin continues to insist he didn't even pull the trigger and is even pinning blame on the victim.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ALEC BALDWIN, ACTOR: Everything is in her direction. She is guiding me through how she wants me to hold the gun for this angle.

GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS, CHIEF ANCHOR, ABC NEWS: But there some say you're never supposed to point a gun at anyone on a set no matter what.

BALDWIN: Well unless the person is the cinematographer who is directing me where to point the gun for her camera angle. I cock the gun and go, can see that, can you see that, can you see that? And I was like I let go of the hammer of the gun and the gun goes off.

STEPHANOPOULOS: Do you feel guilty?

BALDWIN: No. No. I feel that there is -- I feel that -- that someone is responsible for what happened, and I can't say who that is but I know it's not me.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PERINO (on camera): I hated everything about that interview, Dagen. And one of the things I really disliked about it is that, you know, I'll just speak for myself, but I felt very empathetic towards him and defended him and thought well, this is so terrible. And then to watch him a month later basically disassemble everything that we witnessed with our own eyes and that we knew and trying to convince us that he has nothing to do with it is pitiful.

MCDOWELL: He tried to act like the victim.

PERINO: Yes.

MCDOWELL: Alec Baldwin is not the victim. And he clearly didn't do that interview to make Halyna Hutchins' family feel better. He did it to burnish his reputation and put a shine on his image and maybe get ahead of the future legal wrangling over her death.

I didn't think he could possibly come across like a bigger narcissist or a bigger egomaniacal monster. The man who called his daughter a pig when she was young on a voice mail message. The rage machine. But somehow, he did.

But Hollywood is watching this. Reading the comments on social media about is very telling.

PERINO: Yes.

MCDOWELL: He is a festering boil on the neck of Hollywood and he will be lanced at some point figuratively in the very near future. Honestly, I ask a career (Inaudible) of this.

PERINO: He indicated that, Jessica, he basically said well, maybe my career is over. But you know, at the same time blaming the cinematographer who was the very woman who got shot and died.

TARLOV: And at the same time said that when she saw -- when he saw her husband that they embraced and talked out how they are both going through something. He made sure to say what you're going through is worse. Yes, yes.

PERINO: Yes.

TARLOV: You lost your wife and your son has no child -- has no mother anymore. I found it all very strange. We talked yesterday about doing this as a dramatic interview was a mistake. Because it undoes any of the emotions that we thought that he was having after the event.

You know, he just put out a very short Twitter statement a couple of days latest that just said absolutely in shock, destroyed over this. And he is clearly courting public opinion now because he said in the interview that he's been assured that he's not going to be charged with anything.

No one is going to like that interview. I doubt if he watched it back, he would even like that interview. And I don't know if he just got ahead of -- ahead of his skis -- out over his skis, --

PERINO: Yes.

TARLOV: -- whatever the saying is and just went with it because he was feeling powerful at that moment because he is back on TV and he was being interviewed by someone powerful. But it does not read well.

PERINO: So, I don't know about that, that nobody will like the interview. I was listening to NPR this morning, Jesse, before I came to work.

WATTERS: Were you, Dana?

PERINO: And it was 5.45 in the morning looking at my watch to check. And there's a reporter telling his audience what happened on the interview and at the end he tells the host, I believe this was a master class in how to answer a lot of questions, to protect yourself, to advance a story. It was basically like saying what a great job Alec Baldwin did.

WATTERS: I'm getting texts from family members not my mother, conservative family members who think that Alec was the real deal, he was genuinely upset.

PERINO: Wow.

WATTERS: And I don't see it that way. I see him acting as a lawyer instead of a human being. He probably should have just cried for an hour and said I'm sorry for an hour instead of getting up there like he was testifying under cross.

It made no sense a few times when he said, well, I never checked the gun to see if it's hot, and then he says he stays up at night because he can't sleep because he is always thinking about what he could have done differently. Well, he could have checked the gun. Because that's what Clooney said.

Clooney came out and said we always check the gun to see if it's hot. And Stephanopoulos hit him with the Clooney line and go, good for him. Good for him. That was not the right thing to say.

PERINO: Gross.

WATTERS: And then to say he acted like he never heard anything was going on the set, people were walking off because there was an accidental discharge.

PERINO: Yes.

WATTERS: People were walking off because of bad conditions.

PERINO: Can I show that? So, we have this part of the interview. This is a quite unbelievable what he said happened immediately afterwards.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BALDWIN: She goes down. I thought to myself, did she faint? The notion that there was a live round in that gun did not dawn on me till probably 45 minutes to an hour later.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PERINO: I mean that's obviously checkable.

GUTFELD: Yes. But also -- I mean, we're -- as we're listening to this, we're going like, what the hell -- who made the decision about the music --

PERINO: Yes.

GUTFELD: -- as if that music is necessary to tell this story. And it tells you the obvious thing that this isn't journalism, it's choreography.

WATTERS: Yes.

GUTFELD: It's been a month, right, 30 days. That's not journalism. He came -- this has been fabricated or manufactured with the help of ABC and George Stephanopoulos. The music, the tension, everything there is designed to help him out.

The argument itself, if it actually -- you know, it takes hold in the public consciousness, how many people are going to use this? Like, the gun went off, the gun went off, the gun went off. And everybody knows that's impossible. It's impossible.

This could have been -- you know, I hate to use the phrase, a teachable moment on gun safety. Instead, it's like completely the opposite. This is like -- it's like, I just point -- I didn't point -- I pointed the gun and it just went off. It's just like, this isn't possible. It's impossible, but that's Baldwin's defense.

And if it actually becomes commonplace, then you're going to -- you will see more and more and more. Again, I go back to -- I've said this a million times. If they hadn't demonized the NRA, the NRA could have been on these sets. You can't -- I mean, you could have benefited from the instruction and the supervision. But instead, you demonized a group that probably could have saved that person's life. But instead, it's just more important to be politically correct than it is to be safe.

WATTERS: Good point.

PERINO: You're right about -- we'll see if anybody comes up with the Alec Baldwin defense.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: It will be --

MCDOWELL: Can I add though to your point? Maureen Callahan in the New York Post today, she was interviewing a gun safety expert from the movies and said why didn't -- and raise the issue, why didn't George Stephanopoulos just simply ask him if you had to put that gun to your head, would you have checked it?

WATTERS: Oh, that's a good question.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: Oh, great question.

MCDOWELL: But again -- but this was a -- it was a layup. And it was -- it was a show just like his wife and the -- his fake Spanish wife, Hilaria, and the show they put on in Vermont after well, he killed the DP on his film.

PERINO: All right, coming up, the Jussie Smollett trial getting very close to a verdict after new damning evidence against the actor. We'll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

TARLOV: A verdict in the Jussie Smollett fake hate crime trial could come as soon as Monday. The prosecution resting its case but not before revealing more damning evidence against the actor. The state star witness, the Osundairo brothers testifying Smollette wanted the staged attack to be captured on video so that the media would amplify the alleged hate crime.

And a Chicago Police Officer saying on the stand that Smollett was upset when he was told that the incident was not captured by a nearby camera. The defense cross-examined the brothers and tried to paint them as homophobic and fame-hungry.

OK, yes, a lot of whoa. Greg, so the defense had to say something.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: That's a good point.

TARLOV: So, they went with this and also asked for a mistrial.

GUTFELD: Yes, and cried.

TARLOV: And there was some crying.

GUTFELD: There was some crying. How awful is this guy that he's actually repeating the same hoax on two other people? So, remember, this whole thing started branding imaginary white people as racist attacking him late at night. That fell apart. So, now, he's using the same kind of strategy on these two Nigerians. Now, he's saying that this is actually kind of a hate crime, a homophobic crime that they're exacting on him.

And he's doing -- I mean, he's like -- he's like, I'm going to try -- it didn't work the first time, I'm going to do it again. If you believe this - - if you believe this guy, you're a scum. I mean, you're just -- bottom line you're scum because he -- I have sympathy for the Nigerian brothers because I just have this feeling that they didn't know what they got into.

PERINO: Right.

GUTFELD: They're just like -- you know, they're not from this country, they want to get -- they want to be, you know, friends with this powerful actor. They do anything he said. And now, he's just like -- he's just doing -- he's a psychopath.

PERINO: Yes.

GUTFELD: He's a sociopath. He doesn't care who he hurts.

PERINO: He'll destroy anybody.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TARLOV: And so, he's gone as far as to say or his attorneys have that they were doing this because they got rejected for personal security jobs which they said no. And there's text messages for everything.

GUTFELD: Yes, and the dry run.

PERINO: Also -- and I mean, I -- the other thing that the defense did is that they started attacking the judge.

TARLOV: Right.

PERINO: Saying that the judge was giving them dirty looks and --

TARLOV: Bad face.

PERINO: Yes. And that that was going to taint the jury. I feel so sorry for this jury. Imagine having -- first of all, you have to disrupt your whole life to serve as a public servant. You got to go in there and you have to sit there with a straight face and actually try to believe this or at least listen to it.

Imagine when they go into the jury room for deliberations. Like, do you think that they'll just sit there and go, how long do we wait? How long do we have to sit in here before we can just go in there and say obviously, this is nonsense. I feel sorry for them.

TARLOV: It's -- it should be short definitely. I think by Tuesday there --

PERINO: And then the Osundairo brothers should sue Smollett's lawyer for slander.

TARLOV: That seems like it could happen, a feasible route after all of this. So, looping this back to what we were talking about in your block to lead off the show, 3000 hours of police work went into this. What are the repercussions of that when we have these larger discussions about what's going on in terms of being understaffed places and how can we do better?

WATTERS: Yes, you don't stage a fake hate crime hoax in the murder capital of the United States.

TARLOV: Well, I think you do.

WATTERS: They have a lot of other things to do besides chase down this stupid guy. I mean, they say he's not going to spend any time if convicted. He should, though. And I hope the judge who I hear as a straight-shooting judge does give him a little jail time.

The judge's wife is a Trump supporter, she's a Trump donor, so you know this guy's a good guy. And --

GUTFELD: Nicely done.

WATTERS: There is another thing too. Oprah tried to get added jury duty with this judge and the judge says no. Just because you're Oprah, doesn't mean you get to skip jury duties.

GUTFELD: Well, I like this judge.

WATTERS: Yes, I like this judge already. So, when I started joining Greg and our life of crime together, there are a lot of lessons to be learned here. You don't stage a dry run for a crime at the scene of the crime.

GUTFELD: Right.

WATTERS: You don't bribe somebody with a check. You don't accuse someone of being a homophobe when there's pictures of them marching in a gay pride parade, right? You don't say you got beat up by two bodybuilders and then only show a scratch on your arm to the police, right?

There's so many things you don't do, but he did all of them. He did all of them. He actually put three hate crimes into one. He got the bleach, he got the noose, he got the assault. Pick one.

GUTFELD: I want --

WATTERS: He could have -- he could have just had one.

GUTFELD: I want to see Stephanopoulos do that interview with the music, you know.

WATTERS: Some people said.

GUTFELD: I'm sure they're friends.

WATTERS: Yes.

TARLOV: But they did. They had the doctor who examined him on the stand who said yes, he was punched and kicked but he came in with like, light abrasions.

WATTERS: Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes. Beat him up but don't beat him up -- actually, don't beat him up but rub him up.

TARLOV: Not the face.

GUTFELD: Yes, not the face.

WATTERS: Not the face.

PERINO: No, not the face.

WATTERS: That's what I tell the twins, not to face.

MCDOWELL: And to add to your list, if you're going to enter a life of crime, don't announce it to the world before you do it.

WATTERS: Right.

MCDOWELL: This -- the general rule is don't lie to law enforcement, don't lie to cops. They hate it. You have them chasing your tail, they'll come for you. They're going to get you back. You lie to federal investigators, that's itself is a crime. Why'd they go after Martha Stewart? She wound up in the clink for a (INAUDIBLE) for like five months just for lying.

But they will -- they will punish you and they will come for you. It is just that simple. It's unfortunate -- I would have loved to have been on this jury because mostly -- most of the time it's so dry. This is an episode of Law and Order.

PERINO: Yes, that's fair.

GUTFELD: It's not well-written.

WATTERS: Yes.

MCDOWELL: Exactly. And too bad it isn't -- wasn't broadcast so Jussie Smollett could have one last starring role.

WATTERS: That's true.

GUTFELD: He can play himself.

MCDOWELL: Exactly. That's it.

TARLOV: All right, "FAN MAIL FRIDAY" is up next.

GUTFELD: Hurray.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: All right, "FAN MAIL FRIDAY." Let's get to it. What childish thing -- this is from Lark -- what childish thing do you still do as an adult? That's a pretty good question. Let's start with you, Dana.

PERINO: Well, I'm thinking I was like -- I don't know. You know, remember Smarties?

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: I had three of those today.

WATTERS: Oh, three.

PERINO: I took them from my assistant's desk.

GUTFELD: Three little Smarties or three packages.

PERINO: Packages.

GUTFELD: Wow. That's a lot. You're going to be hanging on the ceiling like Lionel Richie. Was that Dancing on the Ceiling? Jesse, you dance in the ceiling.

WATTERS: Go to someone else. I want to think -- I know there's something.

GUTFELD: Oh, you can't do it -- this isn't password. You can't -- you're not (INAUDIBLE).

WATTERS: Childish?

TARLOV: I'm happy to bail you out, Jesse, since you don't have a good answer.

GUTFELD: What is yours?

WATTERS: Don't rub it in.

TARLOV: Oh, I don't know if my answer is good. But you know, how when you're young you have favorite things that you just wear every single day and you demand that you get to. I still go through -- not just because of my increased size, but -- and I only have like five things that fit me right now, but I do that.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TARLOV: I'm like, this is the week of polka dot T-shirt.

PERINO: What's the thing?

TARLOV: It can be anything.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.

TARLOV: But it happens all the time.

PERINO: OK.

GUTFELD: Dagen?

MCDOWELL: Garanimals. Armpit poops.

GUTFELD: Ooh, that's fun.

MCDOWELL: I can't really do it with a suit jacket on but I did that for a friend of mine the other day to make them laugh. I'm really good at it.

GUTFELD: I hear that --

MCDOWELL: I can even do songs.

GUTFELD: I hear that's the number one strategy to get on "SPECIAL REPORT." It is to make fart noises with your armpit. All right, Jesse, we've waited long enough.

WATTERS: I don't know. I can't think of anything. But the only thing that comes close, I eat the peanut butter out of -- I eat peanut butter with a spoon out of the tub.

TARLOV: Oh, yes.

GUTFELD: That's interesting.

WATTERS: Is that -- is that childish?

GUTFELD: No, but I'll tell -- you know what's childish? I'm 57 and I bite my nails to the freaking bones.

WATTERS: Yes, that's right. You shouldn't do that.

GUTFELD: Oh my God. Look at this. Look at the hangnails I got. Yes, and I got a wart. I got a wart that I just keep like scratching at.

WATTERS: You've had that for a while.

GUTFELD: I've had that for a while. I think it actually has its own brain and it's telling me things. All right, what's the next question? Oh, I love this one Bob -- from Bob Harvey. What is your home town famous for? Jesse?

WATTERS: Well, the city of Brotherly Love, but that's not what we're famous for.

GUTFELD: No.

WATTERS: It's mostly just for like real kind of like horrible fans and like roughnecks people.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: What about the sandwiches?

WATTERS: The hoagies and cheesesteaks for sure.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

WATTERS: But just really bad fans.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's true. You got Philly soul. Hey, Hall and Oates, aren't they from Philadelphia?

PERINO: What about -- what about the liberty bell?

GUTFELD: That's cracked.

WATTERS: Well, I don't think -- that's cracked. Send it back.

GUTFELD: Send it back. Waiter, this bell is cracked. Dagen?

MCDOWELL: Patrick Henry's last home and burial place is in my hometown. Red Hill, please visit it. And Charles Haley who is a member of the football hall of fame who won five Super Bowls, grew up right near --

GUTFELD: 49ers, 49ers.

MCDOWELL: And the Cowboys, and the Cowboys.

WATTERS: Cowboys too.

GUTFELD: Yes, but he was a 49er first.

MCDOWELL: Correct. Yes, he was a 40 -- yes, correct, GG.

GUTFELD: Thank you. Yes. I know my 49ers. Jessica, did I go to you yet.

TARLOV: No.

GUTFELD: OK.

TARLOV: Bagels and pizza.

GUTFELD: Ah, New York City.

TARLOV: Yes, those are good ones.

GUTFELD: Yes. I'm glad you didn't use the nationalities like you did in the rehearsal. Dana.

PERINO: In Denver, Colorado the Unsinkable Molly Brown lived there.

GUTFELD: Really? Who is she?

WATTERS: Wait, that's what Denver is known for?

PERINO: Well, I mean, I'm just trying to think of something interesting. Obviously, the Broncos --

WATTERS: The altitude.

PERINO: And skiing.

GUTFELD: My hometown --

WATTERS: The beer.

GUTFELD: My hometown --

PERINO: The beer?

WATTERS: Rocky mountains.

GUTFELD: -- is known for me, me. San Mateo, I am the best thing to ever come out of San Mateo. Sure there was Barry Bostwick who was in Rocky Horror.

MCDOWELL: Yes.

GUTFELD: But I'm bigger than that. Tom Brady, San Mateo, bigger.

TARLOV: Wow.

GUTFELD: Bigger. There's some other -- who are famous people -- I think Bruce Springsteen lived in San Mateo.

PERINO: What about the -- what about the cheater?

GUTFELD: Oh, Barry Bonds. Yes, Barry Bonds. You sit on my Spanish class.

PERINO: Bigger.

GUTFELD: Bigger, although his head is huge for some reason.

WATTERS: So is yours.

GUTFELD: Yes, mine. What would be the hardest thing to give up? Oh should I stop? No? OK, quickly. Hardest thing to give up.

PERINO: Dogs.

GUTFELD: Dogs? Jesse?

WATTERS: Chocolate.

TARLOV: Candy.

MCDOWELL: Men.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You just took my answer. I'm going to say, charity.

PERINO: Yes, OK.

GUTFELD: She's a stripper downtown.

WATTERS: Hey.

GUTFELD: "ONE MORE THING" is up next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

WATTERS: It's time now for "ONE MORE THING." We found the woman with the biggest lips in the world.

GUTFELD: Oh, geez.

PERINO: Oh, boy.

WATTERS: Check this girl out Andrea Ivanova. She's 24. She's hoping to make her lips even bigger with her 27th injection for this Christmas.

GUTFELD: Why are we doing this?

WATTERS: No supply chain issue there.

GUTFELD: Geez.

WATTERS: We support Andrea though?

GUTFELD: No, we don't.

WATTERS: Speaking of support, support me on Tucker tonight. I'm hosting at 8:00 Eastern, so watch that. Also, support "WATTERS' WORLD" Saturday, 8:00 Eastern. We have Don Jr. Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, soon-to-be Speaker McCarthy, Dana Loesch, and Raymond Arroyo. It's what we call a loaded show, right Greg?

GUTFELD: And you're going to be loaded. You know, my show tonight is amazing. You know who's on? This lady, Dana Perino. Alan West, he's running for Texas governor. Vivek is on. I'm not going to ruin his last name. Adam Carolla is on, Kat Timpf. It's great. You got to watch it, 11:00 p.m. Now, let's do this.

You know, I was in New Jersey the other day and I couldn't believe it. I look out and what's coming up the street. I see John Kerry just driving -- riding a little bicycle, heading up the street.

WATTERS: It's a tree.

GUTFELD: There he is. There he is. He's incredible. I didn't know that he could actually ride a bike. He's so stiff. But there he is John Kerry, our climate czar on his way probably to, you know, get some carbon offsets. Anyway --

WATTERS: Well, he shouldn't be riding a bike. The last time he rode a bike, he fell off and broke his leg.

PERINO: Broke his leg. Well, arm, right?

GUTFELD: That is true. You know what?

WATTERS: Something.

GUTFELD: Godspeed.

WATTERS: Godspeed.

TARLOV: It took me awhile. I almost said, you guys, I can't really make out.

GUTFELD: I wanted you to believe it. Dagen.

MCDOWELL: More Christmas spirit and a great gift idea. Shawn and Rachel Duffy's book highlighting all -- Greg, don't roll your eyes. Oh, my God. All American Christmas has been on the New York Times bestseller list for two straight weeks. It's a number one Christmas book this year, great stories from the fox family.

More Christmas spirit, Fox Nation All-American tree lighting this weekend, although it seems to be lit already. Steve Doocy, Ainsley Earhardt, and Brian Kilmeade light the tree. We highlight Fox Nation specials for Christmas that are coming up. It's -- I say we, I'm not there. Like, I got canceled on Jesse and I didn't get invited to the tree lighting.

GUTFELD: See?

MCDOWELL: That's Sunday -- yes.

GUTFELD: There's no such thing as Fox family.

MCDOWELL: Yes, I'm not -- I'm just --

GUTFELD: Whenever a company says you're part of the family, that means they're going to pay you less.

MCDOWELL: Yes, I get jettisoned because I'm the family member who does the armpit poops at dinner. 10:00 p.m. Sunday.

GUTFELD: Yes. I don't want to be in a family. Just give me more money. That's my slogan.

WATTERS: That's a good slogan.

PERINO: Great slogan.

WATTERS: Dana.

PERINO: I just want to show you something that I thought was so cute. This is Stan. And he is an amazing young dog. This is my assistant, Caroline Sherwood. This is her puppy. They live in North Carolina. And he just did not want to go. And then, Sandra, the mom, she's just trying so hard to get him to go. But if you have a big dog like that that doesn't want to go, you're not going anywhere very fast. So, good for Stan.

WATTERS: Awesome. It's fun to jump in a leaf pile, right?

GUTFELD: It sure is, Jesse.

TARLOV: I do it all the time.

GUTFELD: It sure is.

WATTERS: Isn't that nice?

GUTFELD: Yes, it is nice.

WATTERS: Jump right in the leaf pile.

GUTFELD: Jump in the leaf pile? Yes.

WATTERS: It brings you back, doesn't it?

TARLOV: This is how you guys are burning town -- time here.

WATTERS: Back in San Mateo?

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: Jumping in high leaf piles for you.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: What did you find in a leaf pike?

GUTFELD: Who didn't I find?

WATTERS: Brady?

TARLOV: No, they'll get to like 40, and they'll say, oh, Jessica, you're here.

WATTERS: What have you got?

TARLOV: OK, incredible. dashcam footage from Chicago shows a car being wedged under a truck --

PERINO: Oh, my gosh.

TARLOV: -- after attempting to make a lane change. The driver was a 19- year-old woman who remained incredibly calm during the whole ordeal, signaling out to the -- out the window to fellow drivers that she needed help.

The man who recorded the video managed to get the driver to pull over, obviously shocked at what he had discovered under his truck. Best part, no wasn't injured at all. I have driven a lot around Chicago. I cannot imagine --

MCDOWELL: Listening to Nugent too loud, you don't know a car is stuck in your truck.

GUTFELD: That's what it is, music too loud.

MCDOWELL: Yes.

GUTFELD: That's exactly what it is.

WATTERS: That's what happened to me.

GUTFELD: Yes, I know.

WATTERS: Music was to loud, I would up under a truck.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: That's it for us. We'll see you back here on Monday, everybody.

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