'The Five' on Biden's border coverup, 'The View's' take on Clarence Thomas

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'The Five' reacts to bombshell video exposing Biden's migrant cover-up

'The Five' panelists discuss a video exposing the administration's covert migrant resettlements.

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," January 27, 2022. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Hi, I'm Greg Gutfeld along with Judge Jeanine, Geraldo, Jesse Watters, and she does step aerobics on a sugar cube, Dana Perino, "The Five."

Talk about democracy dying in darkness. Over the summer we warned you about to the Biden administration releasing thousands of migrants throughout the country in the dead of night. Now, newly uncovered video shows federal contractors discussing the secret flights warning that the whole operation needs to be kept under wraps and then explicitly saying they don't want to alert the media (inaudible).

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNKNOWN: You don't want to be somewhere where the spotlight is there. You want to try to be as down low as possible. A lot of this is just --

UNKNOWN: No, I get it, like you said.

UNKNOWN: -- down low stuff that we don't tell people because what we don't want to do is attract attention, we don't want the media.

UNKNOWN: Yeah.

UNKNOWN: Like we don't even know where we're going when they tell us.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: And those same contractors not mincing words about who is to blame for the secret flights.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNKNOWN: I guess the whole secrecy and all that (BLEEP) but this even above my (BLEEP) pay grade.

UNKNOWN: Yeah.

UNKNOWN: You know what I mean? Like (BLEEP), what he (BLEEP). You know what I mean?

UNKNOWN: And why? You know why?

UNKNOWN: You know why.

UNKNOWN: Yeah, I know, but why? Why?

UNKNOWN: You know why, looks who's in office. That's why. Come on.

UNKNOWN: No, but what's the big secret? Everybody knows it is happening.

UNKNOWN: You know why? Because if this gets out, the government is betraying the American people.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Filthy language. Reminds me of you, Dana. Jesse, here's another instance where we -- if we point out that there is a crisis, it is dismissed because the media is always going to dismiss anything that comes out of our mouths, right? But we knew this was happening. We saw this happening. It sounded idiotic. It's like how could this happen? There it is.

JESSE WATTERS, FOX NEWS HOST: Not only if we pointed out, they'll dismiss it. They'll call us racist for pointing out.

GUTFELD: Right. Yes.

WATTERS: So he's now taking unvaxxed, unvetted people. He's flying them to New York where now they can vote in local elections. They can go to college on my dime, right? They can work cash, drive down wages. And then they can holdup a liquor store with a gun and then only be charged with a misdemeanor, and then they can't be deported because it's a sanctuary situation.

That's where we are right now. And the media will not report that.

GUTFELD: Right.

WATTERS: If you had said this is happening 10 years ago, no one would have ever believed it, but that's where we are. We have Hyde amendment which says taxpayer money can't go to fund abortions. Why don't we have an amendment so taxpayer money can't fund human smuggling?

DANA PERINO, FOX NEWS HOST: Yes.

WATTERS: Because this is a Democrat human smuggling operation. I don't see any other way to look at it. Is there an alliance between Joe Biden and the cartels? Will they ask the same question about Trump and Russia, and there was no evidence? Well, now there is a lot of evidence that they are working together --

GUTFELD: This is foreign interference.

WATTERS: -- to smuggle people into the country for what -- why? Why would they do that?

GUTFELD: If it's -- if it's for voting, then it's foreign interference in our election.

WATTERS: In our elections, Greg.

GUTFELD: In our elections.

WATTERS: This is an attack on democracy.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

WATTERS: I just (inaudible) maybe you could tell --

GUTFELD: Slow rolling insurrection.

WATTERS: Let's tell Joe Biden he is the president of Ukraine, maybe then he'll defend the world.

GUTFELD: There you go. Judge, what do -- where -- do you know the particulars of this stuff like where are the migrants going?

JEANINE PIRRO, FOX NEWS HOST: Yes.

GUTFELD: Like when they land, where do they go?

PIRRO: Okay. I heard about this last spring in Westchester County. They were dropping them off at the Westchester County Airport and I heard from some of the police there and I just spoke to another one of my sources who said, this has been going on since April all the way through November. Most of them are adult males single. They have a few kids. The buses show up and they take them to all over New York State, to Long Island. They follow these buses to Connecticut, to New Jersey, to other states in addition.

GUTFELD: Where do they drop them off though? Halfway houses?

PIRRO: Well, they drop them off in Costco, Port Chester, okay.

GUTFELD: Okay.

PIRRO: In Westchester County, and then they drop them off to other people who end up picking them up. These kids are now in schools all over the country.

PERINO: Yes.

PIRRO: Schools now have to hire new teachers taking away time from American kids. But here is the question. What is Joe Biden trying to accomplish? Why is he doing this under, you know, at night? Why is he doing this to us? Why is he allowing people with criminal records and then saying, well, I've analyzed these records, and it's only assault, drunk driving, drug offenses.

So, I want these people vetted. I want to know who is a pedophile. Who is a drug dealer? Who drives drunk? Who beats his wife? Who thinks its okay to have sex with his kid? I want to know who these people are. But you know what? The Democrats don't believe in law and order, so here is a perfect example of what they're doing to destroy this country.

GUTFELD: So, Geraldo, if this is -- was a good plan, why -- if there's nothing wrong with this, why is it being done at night? Why the non- transparency?

GERALDO RIVERA, FOX NEWS HOST: Oh, I don't -- I think there's something deeply wrong with it. I think that the lack of transparency is very substantive. And I think what it shows is the absolute dysfunction in the Department of Homeland Security.

To answer your question, where do they go? Generally speaking, they go to sponsor families. They are not just dropped in front of markets. Look, you never see these Mexican guys and the Hondurans as the homeless people in America.

GUTFELD: You're right.

RIVERA: They are not.

GUTFELD: You're right.

RIVERA: What you do is you see them washing the dishes, picking the crops, the meat packing, the pork processing, the lawn mowing, the babysitting. You know, it's -- I know it's outrageous.

GUTFELD: This is what we -- we love them though.

RIVERA: And it is -- and I hate that they sneak it.

GUTFELD: We just -- all we want is a process. We want law and order and --

RIVERA: I agree with you. I agree.

GUTFELD: I love hardworking people coming here.

RIVERA: But I don't -- the problem is that when they do something like this it leads to the monsterization, the demonization of this population. And I think it's unfortunate. I just want to say one thing very quickly. There is more than a million Mexican descendants here undocumented illegally in the New York metropolitan area, more than a million.

You never hear about them when it comes to crime. You never do. Why is it? They are riding the bicycles delivering the pizzas. You know, they are in the diner washing the dishes. They are very industrious. They are, you know. I just wish the Department of Homeland Security would be honest, let the world know what the hell is going on.

Finish the damn border wall. Get some order so that this population is not continually, you know, demonizes the (inaudible).

GUTFELD: It's the, you know, we, New Yorkers benefit from this while all the Border States are getting screwed. So, it's like we sit from so far away, Dana, going hey, I do -- I am guarantee a lot of my meals are being delivered by illegal aliens, it's easy, it's fast, but I'm not in a border state who has to deal with all of these chaos.

PERINO: Right. And also like -- and the schools and the hospitals in particular.

GUTFELD: Right.

PERINO: One thing that's really interesting what you're saying, Geraldo, especially for me. I could be for some pretty strong immigration reforms and allowing more legal immigration in the country. What President Biden has done is he's made that conversation so much harder.

RIVERA: He has.

PERINO: Because you have to have this conversation first.

GUTFELD: Right.

PERINO: They will never --

(TECHNICAL DIFFICULTY)

Looks like they will never release a report about the migrant who were whipped by the horse patrol and border patrol. And again -- so, again, a lack of transparency, a lack of a willingness to say we were wrong.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: And again, it just exacerbates the distrust and there's a ton of distrust between the border patrol workers, the agents and everybody that supports them and this administration. We saw that with Secretary Mayorkas who was in Huma, Arizona yesterday and one of the guys there just turn his back on him.

GUTFELD: Yes. You can see why they are being nontransparent. The most transparent event of Biden's presidency was Afghanistan, and we saw that. They don't want us to see how incompetent and chaotic they really are. They do it late at night --

(TECHNICAL DIFFICULTY)

-- by thinking --

(TECHNICAL DIFFICULTY)

-- too dumb to find out. Was it "The New York Post" -- found out?

WATTERS: Yes. And then if they release the report that says the border agents on the horses are clean, then the far left kooks are going to go crazy.

GUTFELD: Yes. So they have to just kill it.

WATTERS: Because they have to kill it.

GUTFELD: Yes. All right, up next, President Biden making a deal with the far left on the Supreme Court. But could it backfire on Democrats?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

WATTERS: President Biden gearing up for a Supreme Court showdown after liberal Justice Stephen Breyer announced his retirement earlier today.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA: I would select a nominee worthy of Justice Breyer's legacy of excellence and decency. The person I will nominate will be someone with extraordinary qualifications, character, experience, and integrity. And that person will be the first black woman ever nominated to the United States Supreme Court.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: The president vowing to choose a nominee by the end of February, and now the fun begins. Biden will be under enormous pressure from the far left and the squad over who he will nominate making it very likely he'll select the most radical person for the job. And whoever he picks, the ladies of "The View" they would like to be consulted.

GUTFELD: Yes.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SARA HAINES, HOST, THE VIEW: This is happening in a time where we can get another liberal and of course, the representation more than anything, he pointed out, first black woman. There's only been two black men in -- those numbers are a little shocking. And one would --

WHOOPI GOLDBERG, HOST, THE VIEW: It doesn't really represent the black community.

JOY BEHAR, HOST, THE VIEW: I always feel like that particular branch of government is so anti-democracy.

That somebody like Amy Coney Barrett was put in there because she is a white woman who they say, well, she will go against abortion rights and she is a woman. So, that was deliberate, I think.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: Dana Perino.

PERINO: I mean, where do I begin? What does this mean the woman thing? Amy Coney Barrett is a woman. That's like you don't need to quote that like that. You can -- you can take that one to the bank. And also the attack against Clarence Thomas, it's tired, it's lazy, stop it with that because that's annoying.

GUTFELD: They hate a strong black man at "The View."

PERINO: They really -- they must. I guess that's their thing.

GUTFELD: If you hate strong black man.

RIVERA: And Tim Scott.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: I think that what you'll see is that this will be helpful to Biden for a bit, right. So it will allow them to focus the mind on something. The media will chase this for a while, but the Supreme Court nomination is likely to get done because they have the votes for it. But one thing it doesn't -- it won't do is it won't help solve their problems on inflation, crime, the border issues, Afghanistan continues, ISIS coming back, like all of these things will continue and they will be there on the other side of this debate.

WATTERS: Yes because this doesn't really swing the court. I mean, there is not a huge national interest and now this is going to shake down.

GUTFELD: Yes, they are just going to break even.

WATTERS: Yes.

GUTFELD: That's all they're hoping for, but I -- just because they brought up Clarence Thomas, it's like when you're a conservative black Republican, you really got to kick butt.

PERINO: Yes.

GUTELD: You got -- there is no affirmative action for you. But here, you know, it's got to be awesome to know, you know, you're being picked because of your gender and race and everybody knows that. That's -- we talked about in the A block that there was a lack of transparency. There is no lack of transparency here. They are telling you we are picking a female black woman, color and gender before qualifications.

She may not even have to be a judge. She may not have to be a lawyer, but at least, I mean, that is entirely wrong. Its quotas, but at least it's transparent, you know? It's like -- but the hypocrisy is they would never use this kind of qualification if their child was going into surgery.

You know, just as it's going under the knife, you go, hold on a second. I need to see the gender identity, the race identity of the operating room staff. It has to be exactly diverse before you operate on my child. No. See, this doesn't matter to them so they can act like it is a principled stance when it's not.

WATTERS: Well, Geraldo, you brought this up to the other day. Do you think that by saying I'm only going to nominate a black female, is he discriminating against white males?

RIVERA: Yes.

WATTERS: Is that what is going on here?

RIVERA: Yes and white females.

WATTERS: How dare he?

RIVERA: It is (inaudible) the constitution is being tested.

WATTEERS: Yes.

RIVERA: However, it is a social goal that I find appropriate. It is true that there has never been a black woman on the high court. I think it is past time. And the people that are being talked about, if they pick from these top three people, these are fine justices that have just been through this grinding process because they are on the federal appeals court.

So they have already gone through it. They've already been tested. They'll be fine. He'll be fine. And I think that -- I go back to what I said yesterday. This is an opportunity for Republicans to restore themselves as the gracious party as the party of manners, as a --

WATTERS: We are the gracious party.

RIVERA: As the party that puts country ahead of politics.

PIRRO: And what good did it do us?

RIVERA: Whether that is true or not and you may be right on that, judge. Still, I think it is an opportunity because as Greg said, it's 6-3 no matter what.

PIRRO: Right.

RIVERA: If they pick any of these liberal, it'll going to be 6-3. It is 6- 3. It's a wash. So why be ill-mannered? Why be aggressive? Why do to this candidate what they did to Kavanaugh and --

PIRRO: I'll tell you why. First of all, I agree with everyone at the table, there will be no ideological change in the court. It will be 6-3. Now, what they are looking for and crazy Mazie Hirono said that she wants a replacement to consider the impact and the effects, not just the law. I mean, you knock out the social justice warriors coming in and they are going to try to educate the public in these public open hearings that we want social justice, we want environmental justice, forget about the law, just like all women need to be believed.

I don't want them selling that crap. The Supreme Court is about law and precedent. The Supreme Court is and should be pristine. I have no problem with ideological differences. I have a problem when people say I'm going to decide based on how this is going to affect my town or, you know, how people are going to see it with my color or the other color.

No, the Supreme Court votes on affirmative action. It shouldn't be made up of affirmative action. I have no problem with a female who is African- American. No problem at all.

RIVERA: I want it to be because of affirmative action.

PIRRO: Excuse me. But that's not the point --

WATTERS: Is that even true, Geraldo?

PIRRO: She's got to be -- she's got to be --

RIVERA: Yes.

WATTERS: You're on TV because of your mustache.

PIRRO: She's got to be confident. That's all we want is confidence. And that's all I have to say.

RIVERA: Well, that's fine. Well said.

WATTERS: Well, he -- the judge makes a point and we've seen these because we've covered these. She says crazy Mazie. And you know what, did you coin that because that's a doozy.

PIRRO: Yes.

WATTERS: But we -- it's going to be theatrics. They're going to perform. They're going to read these things, the staff wrote them, you know you want to do Booker. What's Booker going to sound like?

GUTFELD: He's going to be, I want to welcome you to this tremendous ceremony and you look fantastic (inaudible).

PERINO: There will be tears.

GUTFELD: There will be tears.

PERINO: There's going to be tears. You have to make long profiles. There is going to be long, like hour-long prime time specials on the background, and you know what, that will be great. And then we can move on and they can hear cases and one of those cases is going to be affirmative action.

GUTFELD: But you know what?

RIVERA: Do you agree with me that the Republican should go easy?

PERINO: No. I think that they should just, on the merits, take it on the merits. I'm gracious in general.

RIVERA: You are. You are.

PIRRO: Yes. She's so (inaudible).

GUTFELD: You have a filthy mouth. That's for sure.

WATTERS: It's disgusting. If you could only hear her in the commercial break. Up next, the consequences of being soft on crime, why America is seeing a brutal war on cops.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

RIVERA: Welcome back everybody. This is really bad news. A brutal week for cops is getting even bloodier. Three more officers just today, shot in Houston. The suspect is at large. Some of these injuries are grievous. That makes a total of 13 cops shot across this country in the last week.

That happening as an outpouring of grief and support for two of our nation's finest, fallen NYPD Officers Jason Rivera and Wilbert Mora. A wake going on right now for Officer Rivera at St. Patrick's Cathedral. It's just a couple of blocks from here. Hs flag-draped coffin carried in as thousands paid their respects.

His funeral will be held tomorrow. And last night hundreds of first responders and residents braving the cold in Harlem, lining the streets outside the 32 precinct to mourn. One officer sharing this heartbreaking remembrance.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

When I saw the line down on the (inaudible) apartment, I couldn't believe my eyes. He saved my life so many times, but I could not save his. I hope one day we'll see again each other.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

RIVERA: You know, we are stunned, we're shocked, judge. Is this going to stick-o? You know what I mean? Is this -- are we going to remember -- remember Liu and Ramos a couple of years ago? How long has it taken for the public forgets and you go on treating cops disrespectfully the way they have been treated lately?

PIRRO: You know, I'll tell you, it felt good that there were hundreds of people out there to pay their respects to these fallen officers, and I have stood in those funeral lines many, many times. You know, these are people who die -- it's like a thunderbolt of violence comes out of the sky. They are not sick. Nobody expects them to be dead. And then all of a sudden they are dead.

And what's happening in the society right now is you've got a new mayor and you got governor who is saying to the district attorney on crime saying, look, I can replace you if you don't do what I want you to do. And everybody is starting to feel a little better, maybe there's hope. We've got a governor saying she can replace the D.A. who does not want to really prosecute crime.

But then she says to (inaudible) that there is no way she will cave on the fundamental preface of the controversial legislation of bare reform. So she is talking out of both sides of her mouth. She is saying I will not force or work with any of the Democrats to change bail reform, which is the fundamental problem.

All the criminals who want a war on cops, who feel emboldened by killing cops are committing crimes because they know that they will walk out the next day. So the criminal justice system today, Geraldo, is not about criminal justice anymore. It's about politics. It's about politics. It's about people taking sides and it's about criminal privilege.

RIVERA: In that regard, Jesse, you have, you know, bail reform is along with defund the cops, seems to me a terrible ideas. And even if the criminal justice system is flawed to go easy on violent perpetrators right now seems like a terrible idea, not only substantively, but also in terms of this person is running for governor of New York.

WATTERS: Well, they are doing everything wrong, not just one or two things. They have decided to do it all wrong and that's why we see all these murders taking place. When I was growing up, the two worst people that you could be, child molester and cop killer, and they were in a special category because their behavior was so heinous and despicable that society at large decided they had to die, either in prison, through street justice, or getting fried at the electric chair.

And state legislator wrote into the books that this is capital murder when you murder a police officer and these are special categories. When you kill a child, when you kidnap someone and kill him, you torture someone to death, terrorism, state legislators reserved that special right to fry or put in prison for life those people.

And when it's usually in America, when you see a rash of cop killings like we've seen, dozens of officers shot since the beginning of the year, several dead, the president of the United States comes out and he says something publicly and he meets the moment. He gathers people together. This president hasn't done that.

This president put out a tweet, Geraldo. Put out a tweet. He didn't write it. He didn't push send. They put out a tweet, he said sorry for your loss. That's it. So Joe Biden has not done what the American people expect the president to do in a moment like this.

He used two support law enforcement. I mean, we used to see him march with them, hug them, and that was great. But he is AWOL on it now and the American people are really, really hurt by it.

RIVERA: Assuming that that is accurate, Dana, why -- why --

WATTERS: Assuming that that is --

RIVERA: No, assuming because Biden tries. He's not a -- he's not a dope. He's a sensitive guy.

WATTERS: Yes. Is he thought?

RIVERA: But why is he -- why is he missing the moment? You know why now -- why not now say, let's embrace the cops, the thin blue line?

PIRRO: It's time. It's time.

RIVERA: Let's -- why not get on board and recognize that for the last year or two or more, cops have been slandered in a way that really is disgusting.

PERINO: I think you have to look -- every leader gets a choice on what you want to focus on. And you know, if free community college is your highest priority, and you have a situation where you -- this is January 27th. And you have this many cops killed -- some killed, shot, and it's not just in New York City.

In Houston this morning, Casey Stegall reported that that's city has the highest number of murders so far in the country. And then they had the Texas constable that was shot last Sunday, and now, three more officers. So, you can -- what this does to a society starts to degrade it. So, free community college, not going to cut it.

Now the President is now realizing that his poll numbers are getting to a point where people are saying, 81 percent of the American people say they are concerned, very concerned about crime. So, what does he decided to do? He's going to come up here, talk to Eric Adams, who's the Democrats' new shiny new penny here up in New York City, but he just going to -- he's going to talk about gun crime.

WATTERS: Yes.

PERINO: And then you have this -- the woman from Harlem, the Kristin Richardson Jordan who is the councilwoman who's tweeting ridiculous things.

RIVERA: She wants us to grieve for the --

PIRRO: Shooter.

PERINO: The shooter.

RIVERA: The cop shooter.

PERINO: And you don't have anybody -- like a collective outcry. But the outcry is happening under the radar. And if you -- if you don't have a sense of what the American people are thinking, as a commander in chief, you're going to be in real trouble not just politically, but you are going to lose the confidence of the American people. And that is when you start to have real concerns about the system's breaking down.

RIVERA: Would you like to see President Biden, to Jesse's point, say to Alvin Bragg, the liberal DA here, or George Gascon in Los Angeles or the guy in Philly, hey, you know, guys, maybe you're missing the boat here? That maybe this is not what society needs now is going back to broken windows policing and so forth?

GUTFELD: Well, I would love to see that, but Joe is a coward. He is -- he knows that if he embraces law enforcement, he's going to piss off the whole woke contingent, and he doesn't want to piss them off. Everything that he's been doing is kneeling before the woke. You cannot embrace law enforcement.

And it isn't the public that forgets the cop killings, it's the media. And the media deliberately forgets these cop killings because they have amplified the climate that made it possible. CNN, congratulations, you built this. They have been milking the crime as a hoax narrative for so long, piggybacked on maybe a decade of anti-cop narratives.

On Sunday, they said that the crime wave was a hoax. Since then, 13 cops have been shot, some of them killed. Do they look at their coverage now on Thursday, do they look at that coverage on Sunday, do they feel something sick in their stomach or are they on some kind of strong medication that prevents them from feeling anything?

Because there's a horrible truth out there that they, CNN and others, contributed to a climate that made it racist to support cops and racist to be vocally anti-crime, because they lumped crime in with social justice and that it was okay to commit these crimes in the name of social justice. And it was the police based on a few isolated cases of brutality that made all cops evil. The media push this. That was close. That was close.

WATTERS: You're good.

RIVERA: No worries.

GUTFELD: I'm hungry for fudge. I'm going to stop.

RIVERA: We disagree on many things, not about this.

Up next, Kamala's troubles aren't going away the latest excuse from our nation's beleaguered vice president.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

PIRRO: Kamala Harris' excuse to work continues. The VP visiting Honduras as she hopes to reset her public image. After her first year was plagued by staffing problems and reports of poor working conditions, Harris now saying that DC bubble is to blame for her shortcomings. "Vice President Kamala Harris confessed to his stifling sensation that had fallen over her while in office. She was struggling to escape the DC bubble."

The Vice President telling another close ally that she wholeheartedly wants to escape DC is completely zoomed out of virtual events and wants to do more in-person engagements. OK, Geraldo --

RIVERA: Yes, ma'am.

PIRRO: She says that she's a newcomer to DC and that she's not really involved in all this stuff. How is she a newcomer? She's got four years as a senator, one year as the vice president. Who is more in the beltway than the vice president?

RIVERA: If your strategy is to hit the road as the President and Vice President now apparently are planning on doing, that's no strategy at all because people will see right through it. They'll see that Kamala Harris is the one that said to the undocumented migrants do not come. Do not come is not a policy either.

I don't care what bubble she's in. I don't care what, you know, bubbles are going to burst, and she's got to do something much more substantive --

PIRRO: Like what?

RIVERA: Like a policy that has enforcement and real deterrence.

PERINO: Like the border.

RIVERA: And the border wall.

PIRRO: OK.

RIVERA: You can't -- you can't have a policy and you can't blame what's happening on the Southern Border for example, and that's or jurisdiction on -- you know, on a DC bubble.

PIRRO: OK. So, what would you recommend that Kamala Harris do, Jesse?

WATTERS: Join the Supreme Court.

PIRRO: No. Then we'd have her for another 30 years. Are you crazy?

WATTERS: Yes, but that's an even trade with Breyer, so what's that going to do?

PIRRO: Well, that's true.

WATTERS: She's acting like a tourist. You know, when tourists get to a new place, they're like, a lot of traffic here, like, I missed my mom. Like, my ATM doesn't work. Like, oh, man, the traffic signs are confusing. This is America. What do you mean this is a DC bubble? She has her jet. She has a chef. She can move mountains if she wants to affect policy.

I like that bubble. That's a cozy bubble. I wouldn't try to get out of that bubble. And I'm sorry to say this, but many people are saying this -- I'm not saying this, but many people are saying that this sounds like a typical female problem. She's talking --

RIVERA: Jesse.

WATTERS: I'm not saying that. I'm saying this is what people are telling me. They say the first female vice president comes in there and every single -- and every single article --

PIRRO: Jesse, stop.

PIRRO: OK, Dana, you don't want to hear me.

WATTERS: -- is about her feelings. She feels this way, she feels sad, she feels --

PIRRO: Stop it, Jesse. Stop it. Stop it.

WATTERS: She chose this job. She ran for president, she said yes for VP, and every article is she's sad.

PIRRO: OK, Dana, would you like to come off?

PERINO: OK, so, here's the thing. Part of that is the media, right? Because the media want -- they know that you get clicks if you want to -- if you want to read about that. So, that's partly that. She has a situation where she was an absent senator, OK. She was hardly -- she only co-sponsored bills.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: She never got an actual bill done. And then they want to put her in charge of voting rights and immigration, and they expected some great results. I do have to -- you have to look back and say, I think that there -- she cosponsored 25 bills that became law. That's according to congress.gov. She never had any of her own bills become law.

And ironically, the closest she might have come was when she filibustered Tim Scott's police reform legislation.

GUTFELD: Of course.

WATTERS: That's right.

PERINO: OK. So, I want her to succeed, because I was -- when she became the first woman vice president, I was like, yes, and now we can show everybody we can do it. And then she's just not taking the opportunity. And part of the reason that they're not out there traveling is because they've been so COVID crazy for so long. They're in the bubble. They don't want to go out of the bubble.

PIRRO: You know, I don't know if they're COVID crazy or it's a show. But Greg, aren't her wounds self-inflicted. She's had the ability to show her intellect, you know, her experience, her mental acuity. She just won't do it.

GUTFELD: Are you accusing her of self-harm?

PIRRO: Yes.

GUTFELD: OK. You know, she's out of her element, right? But you know what her element is, was opaqueness. To your point, I hate saying that, lack of transparency allowed her to do her job because she wasn't doing her job. Now, everybody's looking at her and we're finding out, my God, she's incompetent in a hilarious way.

I mean, she's kind of harmless, she just doesn't do the job. She's not near any sharp objects and she can't blow anything up. But her next project, she should investigate the root causes of her own incompetence. Like that -- they should send her back home, figure out what's wrong.

The weirdest thing though is she's -- what a great topic and not covered on late-night TV, except for my show. It's not on. They have a perfect person to make fun of, but they're so terrified of being called a racist or a sexist they can't go after what is just a bottomless pit of comedy.

PIRRO: Yes.

WATTERS: How do you think her husband feels about the whole thing?

GUTFELD: You know --

PIRRO: OK.

PERINO: Are you asking how he feels? Does it matter how he feels?

PIRRO: Very good.

GUTFELD: Nicely done.

RIVERA: So feminine.

PIRRO: All right, speaking of fast, "THE FASTEST" is up next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

PERINO: Welcome back. It is time for "THE FASTEST." First up, a dating trend growing in popularity actually meeting people in person. Imagine that? A new dating app is gaining attention for hosting real life mixers for its users. The offline events are meant to be a new way for singles to meet each other without having to stare at their phones for hours beforehand. I'm starting to laugh because I don't know about this way of dating.

RIVERA: You mean, real-life date in person?

PERINO: I haven't dated in a -- in a million years. But what do you think of that, forcing people to get together to actually meet? Good idea?

GUTFELD: Dates are so important. For young men, I'm speaking as from the -- from the one gender, I'm a male, in case you forgot, it forces you to clean up your act, right? You got -- you have to increase the expectations of the person you can ask. So, that means you got to make yourself better.

It forces you to take a risk you have to actually go up to somebody who doesn't know you and ask them out. We used to have to call on rotary phones and risk talking to some of these parents and go, hi, is Karen there. And then it's like, hold. Yes, this is Greg. And then you'd have to drive over there pick her up.

And you'd have to think about flowers. Do you bring flowers? Is that too much on the first date? Do you kiss at the end?

WATTERS: Greg, yes, that is too much on a first date.

PIRRO: Flowers?

WATTERS: You bring flowers?

PERINO: What if it doesn't end right?

GUTFELD: Oh I never ended wrong with me. You hang around with me?

RIVERA: You're going to score --

GUTFELD: We'll go to a drive-in in Elmira.

PIRRO: Yes? Yes, you know about Elmira. OK.

PERINO: What do you think about this getting together like in real -- it takes guts, I guess, to go in person?

PIRRO: Does it?

PERINO: I don't know. I'm just saying.

PIRRO: That's the only way. I mean, you know, you meet somebody, you go to dinner, and you decide whether you like him or don't like him. But you know, I don't understand.

WATTERS: And you like it when men treat you like crap? Because I --

PERINO: What?

WATTERS: No, no, no.

PERINO: What are you talking about?

PIRRO: Let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question. Do you think, I would like it if a man treat me like crap?

WATTERS: Some people say --

RIVERA: Do you want to go Elmira?

WATTERS: I'm saying -- I'm saying, some guys say women like that.

PERINO: Jesse, no, no.

PIRRO: Do you know how many guns I have?

WATTERS: Oh. What if I bring flowers?

PERINO: Geraldo, weigh in here. Jewish families and Westby families have had mixers forever. They never stopped having mixers.

PIRRO: That's right.

RIVERA: You know the --

PERINO: I like the name.

(CROSSTALK)

RIVERA: I think online is fine. It broadens your perspective candidates but there's nothing like in person, to actually touch someone.

WATTERS: Yes, tell me about it, Geraldo. Keep going.

PIRRO: Yes, do you touch them on the first date?

RIVERA: I can barely remember.

GUTFELD: And then you got to cheat a little bit beforehand. And then there are people that are really shy. It's -- the other thing too is shyness. It's such a huge deal.

PIRRO: Yes.

GUTFELD: You got to -- that is the hardest thing in dating is overcoming your shyness. And we -- and for some reason with this, I venture if you talk to young guys. There's a whole list of skills that are missing in their lives because of this.

PERINO: Totally. And don't you think that -- how much time do you think they spend crafting one text message?

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.

WATTERS: Sometimes those can work. Like a really good text, that's all you need.

RIVERA: Or on the other hand, you could send it to the wrong person just because you hit the button too quick.

WATTERS: Right.

PIRRO: Yes, yes, yes.

PERINO: All right, producers, do we have time for another one. No, we don't. I want to say this. I thought it was kind of curious that we had this segment for THE FIVE since none of us have been doing online dating. But we do encourage the real-life mixer. "ONE MORE THING" is up next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Time now for "ONE MORE THING." Judge.

PIRRO: OK, it's time for Jeanine's Judgment, my brand new "ONE MORE THING" where I rule on a story with my jury right here at the table.

PERINO: OK.

PIRRO: Our first case, listen up, jury.

RIVERA: OK.

PIRRO: A woman dumps her boyfriend and post their text messages to TikTok for the world to see after he demanded that she put on makeup before meeting his friends. One of the texts reads. Do you mind just popping a little bit on as you are meeting my mates and stuff for the first time? She refused. He follows up with this. Babe, don't bother then. Either put something on your face or don't turn up.

So the question for the jury, was she right or wrong in dumping him?

PERINO: Right.

PIRRO: No, I'm going around to the jury.

PERINO: Oh, sorry. I didn't know the rule.

PIRRO: You'll be formant, right or wrong.

GUTFELD: What did she look like?

PIRRO: Was she right or wrong in dumping him?

GUTFELD: I'm going to say right.

PERINO: Right.

WATTERS: Right.

RIVERA: Right. And I think that women don't dump dumb boyfriends fast enough.

PIRRO: Right. OK. Do you want to know what my ruling is?

GUTFELD: What?

PIRRO: Here's my ruling. What a jackass, OK. Until he starts wearing makeup, of course, she was justified in kicking him.

RIVERA: Well done, Judge.

PERINO: Nice one. Now, I know the rules for next time.

GUTFELD: Who came up with this segment? Jesse.

WATTERS: And he said mates, so I don't think he's from here.

PERINO: He's British.

WATTERS: I don't think you have jurisdiction.

(CROSSTALK)

PIRRO: I have international jurisdiction.

WATTERS: OK, all right. "JESSE WATTERS PRIMETIME," we premiered this week. And we have put my text -- we put my phone number on the air, and you can text me, whatever you want. We've gotten a lot of porn. We're not going to look at the porn. We're sifting through the porn.

PERINO: Jesse.

WATTERS: But I heard from a pilot named Andrew King from Florida. He was reading my book How I Saved the World 10,000 feet --

PERINO: While on a flight.

WATTERS: You know, keep your eyes straight.

RIVERA: I was going to say.

PERINO: Keep your hands on the wheel.

WATTERS: I know it's kind of a breezy read, but not that breezy. All right --

RIVERA: Is that -- is that the porn is?

WATTERS: That's right. No, that's not. No porn in there.

PIRRO: What airline is this?

WATTERS: Tonight, we have Vice President Mike Pence on the show. And I'm doing the foxnews.com in between shows-shows right after the five is over. So, check that out.

PERINO: How's that going, that in-between shows-show?

WATTERS: It is so much fun, Dana. I look forward to it every day.

RIVERA: How many people?

WATTERS: I don't want to give out the metrics.

GUTFELD: You know, that's a great thing -- that's a great thing to say. When any of us ever get fired and somebody asks you what you're doing --

PERINO: I'm in between shows.

GUTFELD: I'm in between shows.

PERINO: I'm in between shows.

GUTFELD: I'm in between shows.

WATTERS: I know some people.

RIVERA: I can't give up my metrics.

GUTFELD: All right, tonight, on 11:00, my show. You got -- Dana Perino is on.

WATTERS: Hurray!

GUTFELD: Kat Timpf, Tyrus. OK, let's do this Greg's celebrity sighting. You know, I went hiking this weekend. I love to hike. It builds my quads and my butt. But you never know with this table. All right, you won't believe why ran into hiking, none other than esteemed legendary lawyer Alan Dershowitz.

RIVERA: I interviewed him yesterday.

GUTFELD: Just climbing up, he --

WATTERS: That's so Mark Cafe right there.

GUTFELD: He was -- he was tired. Boy, was he tired. He's been hiking for miles. Terrible breath, by the way. Anyway, Dershowitz was enjoying himself, though he was quite -- he was stuck there for a while.

PERINO: Did he dye his hair pink.

GUTFELD: Yes -- well, you know, he's got an interesting social life if you ever look into it.

RIVERA: He looks lonely.

GUTFELD: It's actually a baby porcupine at the Smithsonian National Zoo. All right, where am I? It's time for you, Geraldo.

RIVERA: All right, this is Geraldo's Geraldo news with Geraldo featuring birds. I love birds. I've had every kind of bird you can think of. I've had doves, rescue doves. Look at my head. Look at my head. Can you see my head?

WATTERS: There's an Italian bird.

PIRRO: Yes, there's a dove on your head.

RIVERA: That's a rescue dove. There's a dove on my head. I've had canaries, finches, lots and lots of birds.

GUTFELD: Stop crowing.

RIVERA: Nothing like this. And I lived with a great view of the reservoir in Central Park but I never saw this. This is Rover, an American bald eagle watching a seagull, unfortunate seagull --

GUTFELD: Yes.

PIRRO: That's terrible.

RIVERA: -- hunting in Central Park of all places. Now, this is a bald eagle who has a -- you know, he was tagged in Connecticut, but now he's living on the Hudson River. Look at that. That is amazing.

PIRRO: That's terrible. Go ahead, Dana.

RIVERA: And it's because there's no DDT.

GUTFELD: There you go.

PERINO: All right. Well, you know how moving is kind of pain in the rear.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: And one of the things, you pack up those stuff and you go up and down.

RIVERA: Oh, horrible.

PIRRO: No, it's horrible.

PERINO: Look at what these people figured out in Nebraska. This is that -- they got this -- they got this stuff done in 30 minutes.

GUTFELD: Yes, but you know what?

PERINO: This is brilliant.

GUTFELD: Look at their stuff.

PIRRO: I love this.

GUTFELD: That's not good stuff, Dana.

PERINO: These are innovative people, and I am very impressed.

GUTFELD: That's just a plant. That's a plant and a --

WATTERS: It's a chair.

GUTFELD: That's stuff should be going to the dump.

PERINO: Well, look, they're young people and I thought that was very innovative. And I applaud them.

GUTFELD: You know -- you know, you make me sick.

RIVERA: Because she's nice?

GUTFELD: Speaking of, "SPECIAL REPORT" is up next. Hello, Bret.

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