This is a rush transcript from “The Greg Gutfeld Show," September 5, 2020. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Great news everyone. Noted "New York Times" columnist Paul Krugman went for a run the other day, and he wasn't murdered, and that concludes his research on violent crime in America.
It's a myth because he made it a hundred yards without getting his skull cracked. Not that we'd notice, the guy writes like a head injury, it is the least of his problems.
So he went outside briefly and declared the world safe. He's like Punxsutawney Phil, but with more body hair and less brains.
It's like the hacks all got the same memo, find a calm street, take a picture and use it to declare four million square miles of the U.S. completely safe.
Who needs stats when Krugman can lumber over a patch of Earth and conflate that with 300 square miles of NYC? You know he could have called the NYPD for real stats, what old school reporters would do, and he'd find the city surpassed 1,000 shootings already this year. Murders are up 51 percent, but he didn't do that. In fact, no reporters are doing that because it's not politically helpful.
But normal folks, we can just go outside and get mugged or beaten by mobs, transients, and the mentally ill, by Chris Cuomo trying to do nude Pilates, Brian Stelter scrounging for a hot dog.
Or you could listen to New York's Governor Andrew Cuomo. He said that if Trump should walk his streets, he'll need an army for protection.
First kudos to AC for finally admitting how unsafe the streets are. Second, I'd say that warning sounds like a veiled death threat minus the veil. A way to indulge a harmful stereotype, Fredo's brother.
Speaking of Fredo, how will CNN cover this? Perhaps another skit? Ah-ha-ha, bro, so you want to get a mob together to kill Trump? I don't know, bro, still got that giant QTip? Yes, let's soak it in lighter fluid, bro and torch the guy. Ha-ha-ha. You're on fire, bro. Let's pick up some chicks, I'll grab the nipple rings.
Speaking of losers, remember this walking Nilla wafer?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MAYOR TED WHEELER (D), PORTLAND, OREGON: A powerful and peaceful crowd of thousands marched across the Morrison Bridge and gathered at Waterfront Park. A much smaller group of protesters acted dangerously and violently near the Justice Center. And I want to be very clear to separate those two groups.
Do you seriously wonder, Mr. President, why this is the first time in decades that America has seen this level of violence? It's you who have created the hate and the division.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Yes, it's Trump's fault, of course. The one leader who had offered help repeatedly to that jackass, prompting that jackass to write a letter saying, "No thanks."
Only a tool would turn an offer of help into a grandstanding stunt that helps no one. He wrote a letter. I guess he didn't have time to plan an interpretive dance.
So after a hundred days of hell, this jackass plans to move because they hell came to his house, which shows you how lucky white liberals are. They can run away unlike others stuck under siege. He is one of so many who can flee the cities they helped ruin.
So how is it possible that a mob can try to set fire to a mayor's home and get away with it? Here's how? The mayor made it possible.
Take this Antifa-hole out on bail after caught with a flame thrower. And get this. He was already out on bail for attacking a cop and brandishing a gun at an officer, and he jumped that bail. Now, he is caught with a flame thrower and he's on bail for that, too. I wonder, what he is going to do next.
A funny side note, when they arrested the flaming fool, he curled up in a fetal position and wept, instantly making him the next mayor of Portland. But this is common. Violent losers are picked up and bounced right back on the street.
That accused murderer of a Trump supporter was busted well before at a protest with a gun. But he was released. If he hadn't, maybe that Trump supporter would still be alive. Alas, no NBA strike for him.
Now the accused killer is dead, killed by the Feds or as the media might describe him, mostly peaceful. So how soon will he be redrawn by the media as a martyr and the Feds the bad guys? That's the MO. Back the bad guys.
Kamala Harris and major celebs back the Minnesota Freedom Fund which posted bail for so-called protesters, including one who shot a police, another accused of killing a friend and a twice convicted rapist charged with kidnapping and sexual assault.
MFF paid 75 grand to spring that ghoul. Where do you think that money came from? People tricked into this virtue signaling by Twitter's boldface names. You want to disown your white privilege? Spring a felon.
So why not skip work in honor of an accused sex offender or else the bigots have won.
Still cops manage to show up for work, God bless them, like Hudson police officer Randy Strattman, who responded when a UPS truck had hit two vehicles. Strattman suspected the driver was in trouble. So he pursued that vehicle, jumped into the moving truck, turned off the ignition and injected two doses of Narcan into the driver, assuming correctly he had overdosed.
In that one heroic act, an officer prevented real carnage and saved a life. Think about that.
George Floyd had lethal levels of fentanyl in his system, but he died in police custody. We saw it. Did he die from the drugs? Or the police? Or both? The court is going to decide.
But if he had driven off in his car, what would have happened next? This question comes up in many different situations, often faced daily by cops. What if some guy hits the road under the influence?
Now maybe a cop sees this erratic driver and an act of bravery keeps him from hurting others. It's just a thought. But if that had happened, who would have reported that? Certainly not Paul Krugman. He only reports stuff on his jogging route.
ANNOUNCER: Period.
GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. He is as astute as he is cute, author of "Up in the Air," Walter Kirn.
He is so handsome, mirrors fight over him, singer/songwriter and host of "The Pursuit" on Fox Nation, John Rich.
She's never cruel when she's got her jewel, host of "Sincerely, Kat" on Fox Nation, Katherine Timpf.
And he is the sharpest attack and not afraid to talk smack, my massive sidekick and host of "Nuff Said" on Fox Nation, Tyrus.
All right, Walter, good to have you back. That was interesting. You're an award-winning journalist. What do you make of Paul Krugman and other media types enterprising journalism?
WALTER KIRN, NOVELIST/LITERARY CRITIC: Well, first of all, if the news was going to be about the norm or the rule rather than the exception, then every morning we would wake up to the same headline. Most people on earth breathing comfortably looking forward to lunch.
GUTFELD: Yes.
KIRN: Secondly, if you look closer at Krugman tweet, it's a rather alarming tweet. He said he saw very few black clad anarchists, not zero, but very few.
Now, number two, he said the city is not yet in flames, suggesting that it will be if we maybe don't vote for Biden. But in other words, I think he is having it both ways. He's trying to create a sense of normalcy while also fomenting unconscious terror.
And I mean, I really, you say that seriously.
GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly. All right. So John, good to see you. What do you make -- do you think that violence is overstated? And how do you feel about this weird kind of new catch and release that we're doing with criminals?
JOHN RICH, FOX NATION HOST: You know, it boggles our minds, I think, to see these mayors who let all these guys and girls out of jail after they've obviously done terrible things, returning them back out on the street and elect this Mayor of Portland. He is going, I don't know why they tried to burn my building down. I'm going to have to move now.
It makes you wonder, why would anybody push for something like that? For chaos and danger and to scare people to death and the only thing I can think of is that unless people are really afraid and really scared all the time, you really can't get control of them.
To me, that's what I think they're doing because, otherwise, it makes absolutely no sense.
If people have peace and prosperity, it is really hard to wrangle those people. But if they're scared to death and huddled in their houses, any suggestion to make that end is something they'll probably go for.
GUTFELD: You know, Kat, I am trying to be sympathetic to Ted Wheeler, but I can't, because he was okay with this -- he was okay with the violence if it wasn't near his place, and then it happens, and then he moves. I just feel like that's the only way they're going to learn.
TIMPF: Yes, well, as the protesters were screaming at him, he was saying, I get it. I agree. I mean, I truly just don't understand. I don't get why people just won't be real about this, and when they're confronted with the reality of it, they say, oh, that's not true.
Okay. I've got to say, I also have yet to be murdered living in New York City.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: However, forgive me for, you know, wanting to dream a little bigger than that. That's not quite good enough for me. I've seen regularly -- several times a week, I see horrific things on the street.
Just this week I was going to pick up my prescription at a pharmacy. Some guy was just out of his mind in a store and he had like, his cargo shorts had blood on them. He was like lifting up the belly shirt he was wearing.
He came out and was screaming at me in my face. I tweet about these things. People are like, "That's not real." I'm like, you're in Rhode Island. You're in Arkansas. It's very real.
And going out sometimes and not being afraid, I'm not going to get excited about that. I pay enough in taxes. I pay enough in rents to go outside and not be afraid that I'm not going to come back in.
GUTFELD: Yes, you know, I actually I talked to Kilmeade after that, and he said that he had a bad morning, and he apologizes and he's going to -- I think he's going to send you a fruit basket.
TIMPF: Oh, good.
GUTFELD: Or maybe some cargo shorts. Tyrus, it's kind of -- you could see this stuff coming because they just let it -- they let it unfold.
And now finally, we are in this state where I feel like it's going to get worse. But I'm a pessimist.
GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: No, I think you're right. It's going to get worse in the sense that both sides, Republicans and Democrats are just pathetic at this point.
You will see what's going on in the cities and the Democrats because they want to prove a point that it's Trump's fault. They will allow this to go on. And then the Republicans respond with, well, let it burn because we are law and order and we'll just wait until after the election, we're going to fix it. I find both sides, especially the extreme sides pathetic.
What I'm hoping that my President will do is look at the bigger picture areas. He can do something about it now. Put the National Guard back in there. If not for no other reason, our police officers who have been doing this for a hundred days have got to be at the point of exhaustion.
GUTFELD: Yes. True.
MURDOCH: You want to criticize the police department. You want to say they're not doing their stuff. How can they continue to do the stuff when they're working ridiculous hours a week trying to keep property and people safe from -- and the protesters themselves safe, and at the same time dealing with these sections that are not there to protest, they're there to create havoc, rob, loot and benefit off of everyone else's division?
So I'm just seeing -- I'm just seeing the only people that are really suffering are the innocent people that are getting caught up in the crossfire of this political divide. And I would like to see the President, regardless of what the mayor has to say, he doesn't have to say a shame on him for putting his politics in front of the people trying to prove a point.
We get it. You don't like President Trump. We get it. You don't want him to return. But what about the people who live in your city who just want to pay their taxes and walk their dog at night or tuck their children in without being terrified that no one's going to come help them when something's going wrong.
So just shame on both sides. Honestly, man. Just keeping it real.
And the last thing I want to say, Greg, I agree with everything on your monologue, and I think you're one of the most brilliant men on TV today and brutally honest.
The only issue I had was I agree with everything you said about the UPS truck driver. The only difference was, we don't know what happened with George Floyd because he was murdered, and we need to remember that.
The police officers unfortunately could have been praised for that. But at the end of the day, that particular police officer committed murder, so we don't know what would have happened because of that.
GUTFELD: All right-y, coming up, Nancy gets her hair undone.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: It's a pile on at the hair salon. It's a law she bends to treat her split ends. Nancy Pelosi take it to task minus a mask, visiting a shuttered salon in Frisco for a private hair appointment.
Security footage exposed her heinous crime at the time salons are still closed to the public, a fact that Nancy was well aware of.
So now she says she was framed.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
REP. NANCY PELOSI (D-CA): When they said that we're able to accommodate people one person at a time, and that we can set up that time, I trusted that. As it turns out, it was the setup.
I think that this salon owes me an apology for setting up.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: That's what you do, you set up an appointment. Now, punching down on your constituents is a bad look. And speaking of a bad look, was it really worth it? I mean, she could have gotten the same results with a Flowbee.
The owner told Tucker it wasn't a setup, and now she is getting death threats and bad Yelp reviews which kills business. Why don't politicians follow the rules they so vocally tell us to obey? Rules that are destroying small businesses. Nancy may not be immune to COVID, just the rules to fight it.
Salons should be open to everyone. Well, almost everyone.
[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]
GUTFELD: I didn't see that one coming at all.
All right, Kat. This is a massive scandal. Are you sympathetic to Nancy or unsympathetic? You only have two choices.
TIMPF: Unsympathetic. The thing is --
GUTFELD: Nothing in between.
TIMPF: The thing is, I think her wanting to get her hair done is a scandal at all. I would never judge anyone who talks smack them about for it. However, the hypocrisy absolutely is the way she handled it is the scandal, okay?
Because her defense was basically, I didn't know. I don't believe that for a second. But even if that were true, would that be kind of worse? It's her job to represent the people of San Francisco.
I think step one of that is having some sort of clue how it is and how they're living right now. Second of all, if we can just suspend reality, and pretend she didn't know about the no going indoors in salons rule. She probably had heard of, you know, masks and the masks thing.
Because I know I've heard her talk about it nonstop. I remember in June, she said, and I quote, "We are definitely long overdue for a mask mandate." It's like, all right, cool. Then how about you start by mandating it for your own face? You don't need no additional action in the government for that.
I would respect her so much more if she just said, you know what? I wanted to get my hair done and because I am a very rich, very powerful, and very famous politician lady, I thought the rules did not apply to me, and I've been playing it off like I'm zero tolerance, but I actually have a ton of tolerance for myself and my hair.
I would have more respect for that than all of this -- she is spouting all this crap.
GUTFELD: John, why didn't she just do what you do and wear a hat?
RICH: I know, right. She should have. You know, Greg, it reminds me of something my dear old Granny Rich said all the time, and she said, John, real integrity is when somebody does the right thing when they think nobody is watching. That's integrity. Doing the right thing when you don't think anybody knows.
And the converse of that is doing the wrong thing when you think nobody is watching, which is exactly what happened here. It crossed my mind a wonder when was the last time Nancy Pelosi said I'm sorry for anything or asked forgiveness for anything? Because I think America forgives people all the time if they'll own up to it.
But man, when she went after that salon owner, I mean, a bad look is a nice way to put it. That was really a disgusting thing to see. And like I said, she's getting clipped in the press right now, Greg. She's getting clipped.
TIMPF: Like the salon doesn't have enough problems right now.
GUTFELD: You know, speaking of the salon, Tyrus, I'm still curious about how we got the surveillance video? Isn't that kind of -- no one has asked me that question. I mean, where -- how did that happen?
MURDOCH: Inside job, man. You know, I love it.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: The only thing that makes me upset is why don't you just tell America what you really want to say? You know what I'm saying? Like I was set up. They made me do it.
Instead of like, you know what? I'm Nancy Pelosi, damn it and I want to get my hair done. I'm going to do that. You don't eat $15.00 ice cream and have regular hair. You know what I am saying? It takes a lot of work to do this.
I don't want to mask because you're going to cover this up? This right here? You don't say like, look at this, you know how much harder it is to look this good? To ne 165 years old and still have hair like I'm 35. It's not easy, you know what I am saying?
But instead, she is going to try ruin somebody's life because she told the truth.
You know what, when we see this in movies and stuff, or even when I catch my daughter doing something she is not supposed to do and she's like, well, the other kids made me do it and they're a tattletale.
I mean, that's literally what happened. So no matter how long you're on this Earth, how much wisdom you've supposedly accrued as a leader of this country. Basically, what it all comes down to, you are a spoiled brat, and you're acting out and blaming everybody.
And the only way we can fix this is term limits. America, term limits. This is what happens when you let grandma and grandpa stay too long at the top.
GUTFELD: Walter, last word to you.
KIRN: Well, this is not just hypocrisy. This is just blazing ignorance of people's rights and feelings. It's like Nancy Reagan going into Tompkins Square Park at the height of the Just Say No campaign and buying an eight ball and then having people film it and then telling people that you know, that drug dealer was selling an addictive drug and I got addicted and that was a setup.
You know, number two, this salon owner needs to be head of the C.I.A. She not only set up the Speaker of the House for a fall, she got it on tape, and then smuggled it to the news media.
I mean, if we could do that ...
GUTFELD: Amazing.
KIRN: ... with the heads of the Iran Revolutionary, you know, Party, we'd be all set.
GUTFELD: Yes. I'm still -- that's the big question. It is -- how did we get the tape? But you know what? I'm just happy we got it.
Okay, up next, what's Biden's plan besides being the Invisible Man. We discuss.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
JACKIE IBANEZ, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Jackie Ibanez in New York.
At least four boats in a Trump boat parade on Lake Travis in Texas sank today.
The Travis County Sheriff's Office received multiple calls about boaters in distress. Firefighters say they pulled numerous people out of the water, but no serious injuries have been reported. About 2,500 people were expected to attend today's event.
Other boat parades supporting the President's re-election have taken place across the country including in Florida and California.
Meanwhile, Northeastern University in Boston has dismissed 11 first year students for violating coronavirus rules. They were allegedly caught at a Westin Hotel, a temporary dormitory without masks and not social distancing during a party there.
The University is also refusing to refund the more than $36,000.00 each student paid in tuition. The students can appeal.
I'm Jackie Ibanez. Now back to THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW. Have a good night.
GUTFELD: When there's no one to copy, Joe just gets sloppy. Joe Biden did some actual candidate things this week. He held a news conference probably because he saw Trump doing it. He took reporter questions probably because he saw Trump doing it. And he got on a plane and went to Kenosha because you know who went there first.
By the way, that stuff he said about shutting down the whole economy if COVID got bad again, that was so last month before Trump's convention. This week, not so much.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOE BIDEN (D), DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE: There's going to be no need, in my view to be able to shut down the whole economy.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Wouldn't be a week without Joe ripping off something Trump already said or clarifying some weird thing Joe said the day before. It's like he's not debating Trump at all. He's debating himself.
He's for defunding cops, then he isn't. He's for total lockdown, then he isn't. He is for mass incarceration, then he is not.
Like COVID, he's all over the map. Right Joe?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BIDEN: COVID has taken this year just since the outbreak -- it has taken more than 100 year -- look, here's -- the lives -- it's just -- I mean, if you think about it, more lives this year than any other year for the past hundred years.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: That makes less sense than this.
[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]
GUTFELD: She could be President, I believe. All right, John, I have a feeling the Dems are getting kind of worried because now they're pushing these unsubstantiated rumors that just perfect timing happened to land, you know, just a few months away from the election.
I think they're seeing Joe fall apart and so they're pushing this new stuff.
RICH: It looks like they're freaking out, doesn't it, Greg? It looks like they're starting to like have a have a fit about what they're seeing going on and rightfully so. What is that commercial that's on FOX all the time that's made out of jelly fish extract and you take it and it helps your memory? I forget what that is. It's like the My Pillow commercial and that commercial.
Anyway, I see in Joe Biden's future and he is going to be the spokesman for that commercial at some point. It is pretty wild though to see, you left one out about the coal industry and the petroleum and all that.
GUTFELD: Fracking.
RICH: You know, now we're going to do the Green New Deal -- fracking, we're going to get rid of all that stuff. I love AOC. I love the Green New Deal and now it's like, no, no, we're going to keep it as long as we're in Pennsylvania. It's going to be good in Pennsylvania. It's not going to be good down in Texas.
I mean, it just doesn't work that way. It's falling apart it looks like to me.
GUTFELD: I love the fact that John couldn't remember the name of the memory drug.
RICH: Right.
GUTFELD: But that's for another time.
RICH: I forgot to take mine today.
GUTFELD: All right, Tyrus, yes. Tyrus, it's like -- my analogy is Joe is like the lemon that the Democrats drove off the lot. And now, the wheels are already shaking and they haven't even gotten to the highway.
MURDOCH: Come on, man. What are you talking about? He's got it all together. Sometimes, it's a lot of what have yous and whatnots and things just happening around us over the last hundred years. It's got us all a little -- come on, man.
Like, you know, this ain't hard. This ain't a Math test. It ain't a litmus test. You need to smoke crack or you don't, Greg? Come on, man. I'll answer any questions you want. The answer is, Trump did it and -- come on, man.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: Ask me -- anyone pale ask me a question. Kat? Ask me a question. Ask me a question. Any question about the election? Go ahead. Ask me.
TIMPF: Why are you so upset?
MURDOCH: Come on, man. It doesn't matter what the question is. That's all he is going to say from now until November. Come on, man. Come on. I don't need Trump --
GUTFELD: Who knows, it could -- Walter, what's your feeling towards the election right now? If you're looking at Joe and you're looking at Trump. You know, a lot of weird [bleep] is going to happen in the next two months.
KIRN: Well, first of all, when Joe makes statements like he just did, it reminds me of when I spilt coffee on my computer keyboard and the words all just streamed across the screen.
And to fix that, you have to repair your motherboard. And in Joe Biden's case, the motherboard is Dr. Jill Biden. So I think he needs to be replaced because she is the nearest sane person to him. And, you know, if they got somebody else in the room, maybe he could perform better.
What's my idea on the election? Greg, I was here right before the last election, and I was probably quite lonely and predicting Trump might win.
I don't think I'm going to be lonely this time. You know what I'm watching -- in Las Vegas when two teams are mismatched and they want to attract betting on both sides of the deal, they sort of pretend that one team has a chance of winning, so that they can get the action up.
I think the polls are keeping the action high because the truth is, it's not going to be a contest.
MURDOCH: I'd like to respond that, Greg, please.
GUTFELD: Wow, that's a really interesting point. Sure. What, Joe?
MURDOCH: Come on, man. Come on, he has got this. Come on.
KIRN: Where did Joe learn to sound like Jack Kerouac?
GUTFELD: Kat, last word to you?
TIMPF: I would just --
GUTFELD: I don't know.
TIMPF: I think that Joe Biden would just be such an excellent President if we lived in a society where there were time machines, because he's got a lot to say now about what Trump should have done about the coronavirus, how he should have thought of it a different way.
However, the interesting thing is, he wasn't saying those things himself as it was going on. Did Trump underestimate it? Sure. Did literally everyone underestimate it? Yes.
China made sure that we would underestimate it, but it's just so crazy, because I don't understand why people are just allowing and listening and giving him credit for saying, boy, Trump messed -- he shouldn't have done that.
But like, you didn't say anything different all winter. You weren't saying anything different. You know what that's called, Greg? It's called Monday morning quarterbacking. The quarterbacks are the ones who throw it and they make a lot of money doing the throwing.
GUTFELD: Throw the ball.
TIMPF: Yes. Very famous throw it forward.
GUTFELD: Yes, they throw the ball. That's very good, Kat.
TIMPF: Thank you. I'm a sports gal.
GUTFELD: Good sports reference for you. There you go.
All right. Up next, after months of strife, are you now living your best life?
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
ANNOUNCER: Pandemic-Con.
GUTFELD: Has quarantine made you less mean? Two thirds of Americans seem to think so, according to a new survey -- my favorite kind -- sponsored by a wine opener company. Yes, what could they stand to gain from a survey about sitting at home getting drunk for months?
Respondents said that time at home has forced them to reflect about what's truly important, like family, friends, and Greg Gutfeld's new Book "The Plus," which teaches you the very strategies to becoming a better person. Yes, I'm no better than the wine opener company.
Meanwhile, Canada's top doctor suggests people should wear a mask during sex. Dr. Theresa Tam said intimate acts with new partners boost chances of catching COVID-19. She advises wearing a mask, avoiding kissing and face- to-face closeness, which I wonder how is that any different?
The safest option, make sure you look like this. He's safe from all contact.
All right, I've got to go to you, Tyrus. Are you a better person because of the pandemic?
MURDOCH: Listen, man, the one thing I love about America is we're not afraid to be some lying [bleep]. We just would be lying, just lying in these polls. You know, it ain't better. You're not better. You're not happier that you're around her 24 hours a day. You're not happier that you can finish each other's sentences, not out of love because they say the same damn thing every day.
Nobody is happier. There's a pandemic. We're stuck at home looking at the same person every day and the only thing worse than that, is that a Canadian doctor is telling us to wear a mask when we're having relations and all I can say is, I thought that the virus was passed through like water and chemical stuff from the body and married couples, we rarely kiss anyways. That's something you do when you date.
And so the mask is the least likely thing you would need to cover because we rarely even make eye contact. Usually, she is on her phone.
TIMPF: I have a lot to look forward to.
MURDOCH: You now, I am so I'm looking at the headboard saying, I'm happy with my life. I'm good. I'm in a good place. This is fine. You know, I don't -- nobody, but you know, people dating this -- this is nothing.
Walter, back me up on this. You know, you're literally a romance novelist - - once you've been together for a while.
GUTFELD: Tyrus, well, let me interject because Walter, what Tyrus is saying, being with someone for a long time in a pandemic and having to wear a mask during sex solves that problem, because the mask creates a different person. It's like a novelty.
MURDOCH: I did not say that, Greg.
KIRN: I was just --
MURDOCH: I did not say that. You said that.
KIRN: Greg, in fact --
MURDOCH: I never said that.
KIRN: In fact, Tyrus said the opposite. Tyrus said the opposite. Listen, I think this whole mask mandate, as somebody who has always worn a mask during sex, I think this is a great development.
My partners used to accuse me of being a pervert. Now, they say thank you for trying to flatten the curve. And frankly, in marriage, wearing a mask and especially wearing different masks every night is about the only way to keep having sex.
So I think there's going to be a baby boom after COVID basically.
GUTFELD: I think you're right. Kat, having just been engaged, this conversation must really be encouraging.
TIMPF: I'm just going to rush to the altar right after the show. I do want to -- a lot to look forward to. I do want to point out you missed one of the statistics in the survey.
So it said today, two-thirds of people say they're better people, but 38 percent of people say they're drinking more wine. Are these the same people? Because if so, they might not be better people. They just might be drunk enough often enough to think that they are, which is definitely a thing and I'm not judging.
But that, I just thought I could be a better person. I mean, I, in the pandemic, let's see. I started exercising a little more. Good. I got an app on my phone that says I'm 59 percent fluent in Spanish now. That's great.
And I learned how to glue on my fake eyelashes myself, but I'm not sure if that makes me a better person or a worse person that I know how to do that.
But it's very difficult and that made me feel great. But yes, I've also been drinking more wine.
GUTFELD: Well, here's the deal. This whole thing is based on selling this wine opener. This is what drove me crazy about this poll because we did it on "The Five" and I'm going like, nobody reads the frickin' stuff and it's like "Sponsored by Korovin," which makes the bottle -- the wine opener and then you find out they're in the press release are going, and more people are drinking more wine.
It's like, what a surprise that they found that out in this -- they are not drinking more whiskey, John, which should alarm you?
RICH: They should be drinking more whiskey. Thank you, Greg for setting me up man, Redneck Riviera Whiskey, right? I know, Tyrus has probably a year's supply at his house.
MURDOCH: It lasted three weeks, sir.
RICH: Okay, I'll send you some more bottles. I think that Canadian doctor is probably just concerned about people's love life that have trouble even having a love life and maybe those particular people wearing a mask increases their chances, Greg, of actually getting someone into bed with them.
I know for me, for years now I've dressed up like Zorro every single time. I've got the mustache. It's always bringing in the mask. It's like a totally normal thing for me.
TIMPF: Thirty eight percent of people drink more win. I just to repeat that I added a fresh statistic again in case Bret Baier was watching.
GUTFELD: Yes, Bret Baier doesn't watch this show.
MURDOCH: He loves this show. He has Greg Gutfeld tattooed on his forearm. I've seen it.
GUTFELD: That that's true. It's like love and hate except, it's Greg and it's Gutfeld on his on his forearms.
All right, I think I'm probably going to get an email Monday from my producers about that. All right. What does "Smokey and the Bandit" and Tyrus have in common? A new movie. That's what.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: You'll get a kick out of Tyrus's new flick. The movie is called "Stand On It." It stars Tyrus and some newbie named, John Schneider, whoever he is. I kid, John, and it reminds me of another film.
[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]
GUTFELD: That's Dion. All right, this is kind of a tribute. Is this a tribute, Tyrus to "Smokey and the Bandit?"
MURDOCH: You know, I am not really sure what it is.
GUTFELD: Are we in the actor studio?
MURDOCH: Yes. I give you blue cards. As an actor for me, it's all about the work.
Originally, this started as an adaptation of Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shrew" but it just kind of developed and turned into "Stand On It," which is kind of a tribute movie to "Smokey and the Bandit." And I was given the unbelievable challenge of Jackie Gleason's original character, Buford T. Justice, which I am Clarence T. Necessary of the Great State of Louisiana.
And it was -- it was a lot of fun and a lot of -- it was a lot of improv and a lot of crazy things to do. But you know, it was a lot. I got to work with a lot of legends, too. John Schneider, he was the director, the writer, and of course he was the lead. I was chasing them through the whole movie, but it was -- it was a blast and I'm such a fan of "Smokey and the Bandit."
I knew every line from Buford T. Justice already as a movie junkie like yourself. So it was quite -- all right, this is giving me a headache.
It was a challenge and it was like being a kid. So I tried to do the acting thing.
GUTFELD: You know, but Tyrus, I have to say, I'm extremely offended that what you did, you were playing a white sheriff. This is cultural appropriation at its worse.
MURDOCH: Yes. And let me put this back on, so it's the actor. So here's the cool part, Greg. Buford T. Justice, the character was super racist. But he was old school south. Like he hadn't heard the South lost yet. You know what I am saying? Like, he never got the memo.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: So I played it exactly right there, but I played it as a black man. So every time I was like, hey, I was giggling because like, I mean, it was the first time in history that a brother was calling white guys, hey, boy. And it was a lot of fun.
But that was the whole point of the movie that attracted me so much is that we were making fun of things that we used to be able to make fun of, so we'll probably catch a lot hate, but the character, I made sure that I stayed true to the original.
I could not -- no one on this planet could ever be the late Great Jackie Gleason, but I could be Clarence T. Necessary, the very judgmental backwards Southern Sheriff, you know, so you know it was a character.
GUTFELD: Last question I've got to ask you. In that cop car with you is another FOX employee. Is that Dion with a handlebar mustache?
MURDOCH: Greg, as an actor, I typically don't spend the time getting to know the people next to me because I don't break character until the DVD release. But yes, Dion beyond stepped in.
You know, and here's the thing about Dion. He has been -- he's our sound guy. A lot of people know this, but he is like this skilled writer and actor who's been trying to get his big break. And the one thing I enjoy more than anything is that you have basically ignored him for four years and the one time that gave him an opportunity, he gave us that movie review and you gave him the most scathing, how dare you, and you're out of our Movie Club.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: For the movie that he tried to push to us. So when we were looking for someone to do this because we're doing it in social distancing and stuff. Dion threw his name up there and I was like, it can't hurt. You know, why not? And he knocked it out of the park.
He tried so hard he broke his collarbone trying to do a stunt, so that's why he's the one-armed man over there at the FOX building. But yes, he did a really good job and we had a lot of fun. And, you know, you'll be able to get it on Amazon and make sure I get all this fun stuff here.
It's going to be streaming everywhere. I know we're going to do some drive- in stuff, and we're working on it on different venues or whatever. But --
GUTFELD: Excellent.
MURDOCH: If you just want to have a laugh and not getting anything seriously. I mean, there's no rhyme or reason to this movie, but it's just a fun old school movie.
GUTFELD: Great. All right. I'm glad for Dion. Nice kid. He does the sound for Cavuto, I think or I think he does sound for our show, the GG Show.
MURDOCH: He is two years older than you, Greg.
GUTFELD: All right, more stuff after this.
MURDOCH: He's two years older than you.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Guess what? We are out of time. Thanks to the Great Walter Kirn, the Great John Rich, the Great Katherine Timpf, and the Great Tyrus.
I'm the Great Greg Gutfeld and I love you, Great America.
Content and Programming Copyright 2020 Fox News Network, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Copyright 2020 ASC Services II Media, LLC. All materials herein are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of ASC Services II Media, LLC. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.