This is a rush transcript from "The Five," November 3, 2017. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Kimberly Guilfoyle along with Juan Williams, Jesse Watters, Dana Perino and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5:00 in New York City, and this is "The Five." Jeff Sessions and the justice department are under fire again from President Trump. Why?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA: They should be looking at the Democrats. They should be looking at Podesta and all of that dishonesty. They should be looking at a lot of things. And a lot of people are disappointed in the justice department including me.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: The president fuming that a criminal investigation hasn't been open yet into Hillary Clinton, the DNC, and others for stealing the Democratic primary from Bernie Sanders. He sounded off to the press about it before taking off for Hawaii earlier.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: You want to look at Hillary Clinton, and you want to look at the new book that was just put out by Donna Brazile where she basically bought the DNC, and she stole the election from Bernie. So that's what you want to take a look at.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: Recent revelations from Donna Brazile, the DNC's own former chair, prove Mr. Trump was right that the race was rigged all along.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: I'm not a Bernie Sanders fan, although I've must say I got a lot of his votes when he was thrown out. That was -- I thought that was terrible.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: The president says people are angry. The American public deserves an FBI and DOJ investigation incident into this. Greg?

(LAUGHTER)

GUILFOYLE: Care to share that comment?

GREG GUTFELD, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: This book -- it kind of bugs me about when things like this happen. This information apparently was known or it was held for a book? And that's the problem with book deals is that the truth is embargoed. People have all this juicy stuff. She should have blown the whistle right when she knew and things might be different for the Democratic Party. They might have a President Webb. Who knows? I'm not saying Sanders. But think about all those people that -- including maybe even me who owe Trump an apology. Remember the whole period of time when he kept saying everything was rigged?

GUILFOYLE: Right.

GUTFELD: Everything was rigged and people would chuckle, like I would chuckle? But the line...

GUILFOYLE: Can you say sorry now?

GUTFELD: No. I never apologize for anything. But the line for apology is longer than the line for the porta potty at a chilly festival.

JESSE WATTERS, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: OK.

(LAUGHTER)

GUILFOYLE: Charming as always on a Friday.

DANA PERINO, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: Exactly.

GUILFOYLE: Chilly Friday. OK. So Dana, now you know Donna Brazile very well.

PERINO: I do.

GUILFOYLE: And she's really kind of laying it out, giving up the goods on the DNC.

PERINO: Well, I do know what was going to be in the book. I mean, as she was writing it, and she felt like she had finally -- I guess...

GUTFELD: So you knew?

PERINO: I did not know the content of it. I knew she wanted to write the book. I do think she probably feels free to say whatever she wants to at this point. And she will be on Tucker Carlson's show on Monday night, and I'm sure she'll have time to answer of question about like why would you have held it back? And also...

GUTFELD: She's avoiding me. My show is on Saturday, she's not on that show.

PERINO: Because the book is embargoed until Tuesday.

GUTFELD: There you go. Embargoed.

PERINO: But also, you know what? If you are somebody who is an author of a book and you want to actually get attention for your book, this is the way to do it. I mean, this is actually a really good way -- she has the president of the United States talking about her book as he's leaving the south lawn. I do think about one thing is that the president being agitated at the justice department for all sorts of reasons, I can understand. Not sure exactly the crime the DOJ would actually investigate here. Looks to me like it was an agreement and arrangement. It might be wrong, it might be unethical, it might be really a bummer for Bernie Sanders, who feels like he was not treated well by the DNC, but I don't see the law that was broken.

GUILFOYLE: OK. Jesse, so maybe some collusion, but not illegal or prosecutable or investigating...

WATTERS: The spirit of the law was obviously broken here. But if you follow the Clinton cash it always leads to a scandal. Follow the cash, Uranium One, paper play, fake dossier, and now the primary rigging. What happens she acted as a predatory lender. She comes in, swoops in, bails them out, but slaps on all these ridiculous writers like we're going to control your bank account, we're going to control your hiring and firing, we're going to control your communication team. And it wasn't really a hostile takeover...

GUILFOYLE: Doesn't that sound like a good deal for her? Like she made a good deal?

WATTERS: She had a great deal. And Debbie Wasserman Schultz, you know, she's just as crooked as Hillary. She didn't say no, she said bring on the cash, and that's fine. I mean, Bernie? I'd be pretty upset if I was Bernie. Bernie got hosed and his supporters should be very angry. He never stood a chance because she got her tentacles in a year before the convention. Now, if she could rig a primary against Bernie, she certainly attempts to rig a general against Trump. You've just said that. Now, the lawyers can decide if the laws were broken. The only issue is she sets up these joint fund-raising committees with the DNC to bust the donor caps. She brings in the all the cash and then squirrels in a way for herself and doesn't give the state committees anything. That's the issue. Now, Brazile coming clean, I think, basically tells Hillary stay in the woods with your chardonnay, we don't want to see you anymore. But it also curry's favor with the Bernie people in the future, and I think she's a smart player there. But Hillary can't blame a vast right wing conspiracy for this scandal, because this is Dem on Dem crime.

GUILFOYLE: Well, you're giving chardonnay a bad name, which I think issue...

(CROSSTALK)

JUAN WILLIAMS, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: Are you kidding, he said chardonnay in the woods. That's pretty enticing. I think people set up things like that.

GUTFELD: That's title of my new book of poetry.

WILLIAMS: Is that right? I'll be your first buyer. I want autographed copy, Gregory. I agree. I don't think there's any crime here. But I love the way Republicans are talking about this like, oh, my God. Lock her up. Lock her up. I think it's ridiculous. But I love it because -- you know what? It's so interesting to me. The DNC was on its back financially because President Obama is the one who set up the organizing for America as a separate entity, and I think it took away a lot of money from the DNC.

GUTFELD: Always blaming Obama, Juan.

WILLIAMS: That's me. That's me. OK. So then here comes Hillary Clinton who actually -- guess what? It's like a saving angel who comes in...

WATTERS: Nice spin, Juan.

WILLIAMS: ... and puts money into their pockets...

GUTFELD: Hilarious.

WILLIAMS: ... and the second thing -- no, no. This is the truth. You can look it up. And then, guess what, people say, oh, this is terrible now that Donna puts it in her book. But you know what? Donna is just recounting -- she came in and said, what's going on? The bigger sin, by the way, Debbie Wasserman Schultz...

PERINO: Why?

WILLIAMS: ... who I think was incompetent, did not do a good job for the Democrats, and people said, no, we want to be nice to her. She's a nice person. We can work with her. She's made some mistakes. She's not a great speaker, blah, blah, blah. Too many forgiving, too many excuses made, and I think that's what led. So Donna walks in and Donna says, oh, what a surprise. Guess what? Hillary Clinton, not only do I have to -- as Hillary Clinton signing the checks, I've got to send every communication to Brooklyn, which is where her headquarter was, in order to get it approve. Why is that? Oh, because they're paying. Hey, the piper has always called the tune. I don't know where you guys...

GUTFELD: But Juan...

PERINO: What a nice story.

GUTFELD: It would have been a happy ending if she won. But instead -- if you're going to steal the election, at least win the election. Basically she volunteered to be a squad leader and then led the squad into an ambush. She's the designated driver.

WILLIAMS: I don't know how you want to describe it. But she lost, if that's your point, and she should have won.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: But it's not corrupt. If you say a year in advance -- by the way, year in politics before presidential elections is not that far. But if you say that, she actually put herself on the line with the DNC. And my problem would be is it wasn't a level playing field for Bernie.

WATTERS: Right.

WILLIAMS: But Bernie should have known -- Bernie is not a Democrat. He doesn't have connections with the same people.

PERINO: Why would they have bent over backwards for Bernie...

WILLIAMS: For Bernie.

PERINO: ... if he can't even call himself a Democrat.

WATTERS: Well, you don't have to bend over backwards -- pretend to be fair.

GUTFELD: How about Martin O'Malley?

PERINO: They did pretend to be fair.

WATTERS: Yes. Martin O'Malley got rigged.

PERINO: That's the problem. They did pretend to be fair.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: All the emails come out. That's why Debbie Wasserman Schultz gets ousted, and why Donna has to go in and say, OK, I guess I have to take over for the next...

WATTERS: The Republican Party did not rig...

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: Obviously not because you'll have Ted Cruz.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: Let me just say. The big story to my mind today is you've got the president of the United States telling the justice department that they should go after his political opponents. And you guys don't say a word.

WATTERS: I'll say a word...

GUTFELD: That's not the story.

WATTERS: ... it's about time.

WILLIAMS: Oh, it's about time? Oh, my God.

WATTERS: Yeah. Because the DNC smell to high heaven, they claim they've got hacked by the Russians that they can't prove it.

WILLIAMS: Jesse, stop.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: You would want me -- let's say I was president.

WATTERS: It's funny he couch it too. You know, I shouldn't say this, but I'm saying it.

WILLIAMS: Let's say that I was president and we had run against each other.

WATTERS: You're president? I'm moving to Canada.

WILLIAMS: Good. So we're gonna go get you now. I'm going to say to my attorney general, go get Jesse Watters and punish him, do you think that's America, Jesse?

WATTERS: Yeah. Well, I probably deserve it, Juan.

WILLIAMS: Oh, my God.

GUTFELD: The story...

GUILFOYLE: That's Jesse's America.

WILLIAMS: OK.

GUTFELD: The story is that this is a signal for the Dems that they have to make a clean break. You can't remarry until you get divorce. You've got to tell the Clintons to hit the road, although the road won't be happy. You know, this is somebody who gallivanted around town on their hard work. Clinton laughs all the way to the bank. And you have the Democratic Party which is basically a superfund site at this point.

PERINO: Well, possibly the other part of the story, Juan, to the concern is there is one about the president trying to weigh in and push DOJ to do something is DOJ hasn't done it.

GUILFOYLE: Right.

PERINO: So the independent judiciary that was set up by our founding father is actually working. So the institutions have remained in place. So if you're looking for a silver lining that might be it.

WILLIAMS: You know I worry about congress right now because when I look at people like...

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: ... Nunes. When I look at people like -- you know, it's unbelievable, Senator Grassley. And I see him -- oh, yeah, well, we should look -- we should start a separate investigation. We should investigate -- I think, what is going on with our national security committees which used to be the highest level of -- you know, people, elder statesmen would serve there, and put political loyalties aside.

WATTERS: Have they talked about investigating the DNC? I think they're more talking about the dossier and the Uranium One deal.

WILLIAMS: There's nothing there. But it's all a part of what...

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: No, no, no. This is all a part of Donald Trump's scheme to raise up dust, distract people from the Russia probe, Jesse.

WATTERS: Oh, really, the Russia probe.

WILLIAMS: Yeah.

GUILFOYLE: The Russia probe that was like front and center forever and ever and a day...

WILLIAMS: It's still going on. We had an indictment...

GUTFELD: How can you be so forgiving to the Clintons?

WATTERS: How is DNC being rigged by Hillary turn into Russia, Juan? Talk about the diversion.

WILLIAMS: Diversion?

WATTERS: Yeah. Well done.

WILLIAMS: No indictment?

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: No guilty plea this week? No, nothing like that going on. We don't have Hope Hicks pretty soon to be interviewed by the special counsel.

WATTERS: If Hillary was president, she'd probably rig it?

WILLIAMS: Oh, there you go. Oh, back to Hillary. Diversion. Diversion, America.

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: Look, every time you say that, Juan, you're giving another lifeline to Hillary. Why don't you cut the lifeline?

WILLIAMS: No. Wait...

WATTERS: You're afraid to criticize Hillary.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I'm willing to give up an opportunity for humor. I've said in Hillary, if she goes away, it's better for America.

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: He knows she was corrupt because of the whole Clinton Foundation. You took issue with that from the beginning, so I don't know why you're not cutting the dead weight.

WILLIAMS: But you know what? For people who are interested in humor, how can you get past President Trump's tweet today about Pocahontas agreeing with him on Hillary?

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: It's great. It is classic, because remember she denied. She denied the rigging, and now she's saying she's with it. That's my point. She should be one of the people that say, I'm sorry, Trump, you were right.

WILLIAMS: Right about what?

GUTFELD: About the rigging.

WILLIAMS: What rigging? That she helped out the DNC?

WATTERS: It was rigged. Pocahontas even said so.

GUTFELD: It was quid pro quo, and I didn't even know what that means, but I saw it on a Perry Mason episode.

GUILFOYLE: Pocahontas saw.

PERINO: I like Tucker Carlson having Donna on Monday, but I have her on Tuesday on "The Daily Briefing."

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: I hope she embargoes something for you, Dana Perino.

PERINO: Hopefully she holds something back for me.

GUILFOYLE: OK, fantastic. Donna, do it. She'll buy you some wine after. All right. No prison time for admitted army deserter Bowe Bergdahl, a stunning sentence for a stunning crime next.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: Bowe Bergdahl will receive no jail time, that ruling coming from a military judge earlier today. Prosecutors had recommended a prison sentence of 14 years after he pleaded guilty to desertion for leaving his post in Afghanistan back in 2009. His defense team argued he has suffered enough since he was held captive by the Taliban for years. In addition, he was sentenced to a dishonorable discharge, will be reduced in rank, and will forfeit $1,000 in pay per month. President Trump tweeted his outrage on the ruling, saying, quote, the decision on Sergeant Bergdahl is a complete and total disgrace to our country and to our military. Greg, your thoughts?

GUTFELD: Well, you know, he's probably going to get a book deal. He'll probably going to go on a speaking tour. He'll probably get a reality show on Bravo. He can do something with Chelsea Manning. They can call it, a Bowe for Chelsea. And they could live together in a house and be beautiful. So don't weep for him. He's got it all made. If you want to check out -- we have a couple -- these are people that have done -- been found guilty of lesser crimes, and their sentences -- there's a Navy SEAL -- sent to a year of prison for sharing a classified info. He took a photo inside a nuclear sub, got a year. Then there is U.S. army Captain Brian Williams, he was sentence to three years for taking bribes while in Baghdad. So think about that in this context and how horrible it is. But he is punished in this way. He has to live with himself.

PERINO: Kimberly?

GUILFOYLE: Yeah. I mean, this was outrageous. I was actually very surprised. Obviously, we knew he's going to get a dishonorable discharge, but not to get, you know, anytime. I guess they believe his sob stories about how he suffered enough, and every day is agonizing. But, you know, this is something that he did to himself and dishonored the military and put lives in danger. So I don't know. I don't understand the sentence at all. And in fact, his lawyers want to appeal it because they do not like the dishonorable discharge.

PERINO: Right.

GUILFOYLE: They say it carries a stigma with it. And also, we don't like the reduction in benefits or money.

PERINO: I was surprised by that. I thought, Juan, they should just take what they got because six U.S. soldiers died while searching for Bowe Bergdahl. And you can imagine how their families feel tonight?

WILLIAMS: Well, I mean, actually, the military courts got involved. And the military court said they weren't convinced that he was either a sympathizer, no one died in their opinion. And they said there was no evidence that at any point that he had engaged in what they would term misconduct. So this was not one military court. This was one military court, a second, now a third that's says jail time is an appropriate for someone who was held five years as a prisoner and tortured. So, you know, I understand the politics of this because you wouldn't want to be this guy's mate in battle. I know you don't have your back covered or that he's engaging in some conduct that can put you in peril, and people were injured, people were hurt in the course of his disappearance in looking for him. So to me, I understand it, but I just think, you know what? I would trust the military and the military system. But I can see that President Trump is not like me, he wants to politicize this.

PERINO: Jesse?

WATTERS: Well, I don't know if he's politicizing it. He's just sharing his opinion as the commander-in-chief. The Bergdahl thing has been a travesty from start and now to finish. He deserted. It was a terrible deal to get him back. Remember, the lies from the president and Susan Rice about him being an honorable guy, fought in the battlefield...

PERINO: Misconduct before the enemy.

WATTERS: Exactly. And now this sentence doesn't make any sense to me. Every step has been shameful. Think about it, not only people were harmed, the report is that six people died looking for him. The trade now five top Taliban commanders are back in the battlefield. I'm sure we have no idea where they are. And I believe, from what we've seen in the reports, that cash was exchanged. So that just encourages more hostage taking and more people being captured on the battlefield and held for ransom.

GUILFOYLE: Again, a rose garden ceremony...

WATTERS: Yes. With his father, I mean, it was a beautiful event, and we're glad he's back. But at the same time, doesn't make much sense now. The judge is thinking this guy has suffered enough. Five years, Taliban captivity, fine. But, punishment in the United States not only is for punishment, but it's also as a deterrent. So for future platoons, it makes people think twice about deserting, because the platoon is only as strong as the weakest link. So now if you're out there, they take this very seriously in the U.S. military desertion. Extremely seriously. So when people think about it, doing it again? Hey man, get a slap on the wrist, no jail time. Not as stringent as it used to be in this country.

PERINO: General Jack Keane when he was on Fox just a couple weeks ago, we were talking about Bowe Bergdahl. And he said that early on, Kimberly, that the military -- at least the reporting about Bowe Bergdahl might have not been tight enough, and that when it got to the White House is that was why President Obama had information that made him think that he deserved a Rose Garden ceremony when maybe he didn't.

GUILFOYLE: Yeah. There was definitely report of that to suggest that the president was given incomplete or inaccurate information from which to, you know, form a decisions, in which ultimately resulted in him having the Rose Garden ceremony. But you know all of that should come out. And, you know, I'm sure perhaps that the president could, President Obama, he would do it differently. But it doesn't even change the fact here that justice was not served, because he should have been received proper amount of punishment for the crime that he committed. So I did not see a compelling case for leniency here. And in fact, this was just really thrown in the face of the other American military that served faithfully, and for those and their family that lost their lives because of this trade.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: Just a second, really quickly. Throwing that, there was no pardon. So when we look at that moment in the rose garden, Obama never pardoned the guy. He put it into the hands of the military, and this is a military decision.

PERINO: Well, I don't think he'll be getting a pardon now.

WILLIAMS: No.

PERINO: Greg, apparently the military does not usually issue explanations for its rulings, but do you think in this case, they should?

GUTFELD: I think so. To Jesse's point about Donald Trump sharing an opinion, it's interesting because we've had this twice now with the terror attack, right after the terror, get the death penalty, and this Bowe Bergdahl, this is what he said, his outrage. This is the first cab driver president. You know that classic New York persona of the guy that has an opinion and will share it with you.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: And the judge, perhaps, inappropriately suggested that President Trump's comments about Bowe Bergdahl would maybe influence the decision, which is why I'm wondering if the court...

WILLIAMS: No. I think the defense attorney suggested that and they wanted to get the thing thrown out on that basis. But the judge said no.

PERINO: The judge said no on that one. So I wonder if they'll give us more information?

GUILFOYLE: Well, they should. I mean, obviously, there's a lot of outrage. I don't think the story stops here at all. I mean, it's a whole question of what's the next chapter, what is this guy going to do to further shame the U.S. military, and what kind of behavior...

GUTFELD: He'll get on twitter. He'll use a lot of emoticons, emoji's...

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: I don't know. He's been pretty quiet. He's been pretty quiet.

GUTFELD: He had to be.

GUILFOYLE: Go back to the marijuana fields or something.

PERINO: That's true. All right, ahead. This album cover from Snoop Dogg coming under fire. We're going to discuss it next.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, boy.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

WATTERS: For the second time this year, rapper Snoop Dogg is joking around with the idea of assassinating President Trump. Where is the outrage from the left about this new album like image posted on Snoop's Instagram page that shows a dead body with a toe tag that says Trump. Don't forget Snoop also released a music video in March that showed him pointing a toy gun at a clown dressed like the president and pulled the trigger. So Greg, we've talked about this the other day. Kathy Griffin did the same kind of thing. Snoop has done it now twice. Why do you think Snoop D.O. double G is being held to a different standard?

GUTFELD: I think -- he's at TBS. I think he might have a carved out on his contract, you know, no sexual harassment, no gun play, no drugs, but you can still threaten the life of a president.

WATTERS: OK.

GUTFELD: That's in there. I...

PERINO: This president.

GUTFELD: This president, only this president. I think TBS is hoping that because we have so much news now in this new cycle that no one's going to notice this, like if this had happened under Obama it would be crazy. At some point, they have to address it. By the way, not even an original layout. I think this is an Ice Cube reference, and it was America -- I think it was America and not Trump. He's not only stealing Kathy Griffin's M.O., he's stealing Ice Cube's art. Not very daring hip-hop artist, if you ask me.

WATTERS: Juan, do you condemn?

WILLIAMS: Sure, because I don't like violence. I'm opposed especially to the idea directing violence against our leaders. So I think that would break down our structure, and I can't abide by that. I mean, to me, what we're seeing is -- I thought Greg was very surprisingly gracious.

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: It never happens.

WILLIAMS: It never -- I know, I know...

PERINO: Very odd. Very odd.

WILLIAMS: But I just saw list here of the number of liberal artists, and it goes through people like Rosie O'Donnell, George Lopez, Marilyn Manson, Mickey Rourke, Robert De Niro -- I could go on -- who have, in fact, gone after the idea of taking Trump out. And, you know, I just think it's obnoxious. But worse than obnoxious, I think it feeds our worst instincts as Americans.

WATTERS: Kimberly, I saw the same list, and I noticed some similarities. Time Warner owns TBS, with the Snoop situation. Also owns CNN, where you've seen Kathy Griffin, and Anthony Bourdain say some really vicious things and do vicious things. Owns Comedy Central, where Larry Wilmore also said something about the president like that. And Shakespeare in the Park, remember, the Trump assassination play. Time Warner has some problems, would you agree?

GUILFOYLE: Yes. Yes, well, they've got some...

GUTFELD: They never show up on time either.

GUILFOYLE: They've got a presidential fixation, as well. Try and get into a (UNINTELLIGIBLE) with them.

GUTFELD: They don't exist, by the way. Didn't they change their name? Time Warner Cable? Anyway, I'm sorry.

WILLIAMS: What?

GUILFOYLE: This -- this type of stuff really bothers me. And it seems like Snoop Dogg is going back and forth and back and forth to the well, to the presidential well, and is really just sort of fixating on the president and using him with, you know, willful abandon to try to get some recognition and make some money. And I don't know, popularity?

We saw Eminem do a video...

WATTERS: Yes.

GUILFOYLE: ... talking about, you know, the president. Did you see the funny one they did with Hannity?

WATTERS: Yes, I did.

GUILFOYLE: It was very funny. But, you know, I don't know...

WATTERS: It's a way to get attention.

GUILFOYLE: ... they're doing this. Yes, I mean, I don't know. It's just -- you know, it's upsetting. They went after the first lady, too.

WATTERS: Did they have a problem in the Bush White House to this extent? Probably not.

PERINO: Gosh, of course they did.

WATTERS: Not to this extent. Do you remember?

PERINO: Yes, of course.

WILLIAMS: My gosh...

PERINO: And also, you know, the war was ongoing, and it was raging. There was a lot -- a lot of the protests. It got very, very ugly. So yes. I mean...

WILLIAMS: Hey, man. You don't remember "blood for oil" and all that?

WATTERS: I remember those being protesters on the streets but never the A-list or B-list celebrities.

PERINO: Well, actually, Keith Olbermann today -- well, I don't know if he's A-list celebrity. But anyway, on "The View" today, he says he thinks he owes George W. Bush an apology. We'll see if that comes.

The funny thing to me is that country music fans are the ones that get tagged with seeing like, you know, gun toting and hating. I'm like, they don't do anything like this ever. They pretty much stay out of politics.

And I saw Rosie O'Donnell today on Twitter said something like she spends 90 percent of her time hate tweeting on Trump. And so I would just say to everybody, like, he should not take up this much space in your life.

WATTERS: Yet, he does.

GUTFELD: Well, politics in general. It should only be about this much in your brain.

PERINO: Yes, 10 percent.

GUTFELD: If it takes -- not even that. I would say 5 percent.

PERINO: OK.

GUTFELD: And the rest is thinking about rainbows and unicorns.

GUILFOYLE: And that's what you do every day.

GUTFELD: Seventy percent unicorns.

WATTERS: All right. Keep that to yourself.

GUTFELD: No, I'm never going to keep it to myself! I love unicorns, Jesse.

WATTERS: Trump's Twitter account is now back up and running again after disappearing for a while last night. It wasn't an accident. Twitter-gate up next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

WILLIAMS: Oh, heavens. For 11 minutes yesterday, beginning around 6:45 p.m. Eastern, something very spooky happened. President Trump no longer had contact with the world via Twitter. His account disappeared. It was mysteriously deactivated.

Fear not, America. It's back up. But what happened? Twitter investigated and found a customer service employee shut it down on his or her last day. That person was reportedly a contractor. Quite a way to go.

The president gave his reaction on Twitter, of course, saying his account was, quote, "taken down for 11 minutes by a rogue employee. I guess the word must be finally getting out and having an impact," end quote.

Jesse, I know you were just taken apart by this.

WATTERS: Yes. I just needed the president to tweet. I was waiting, I was very upset by it.

GUILFOYLE: Heartbroken, crestfallen.

WATTERS: Yes. I mean, the left staged a social media coup against the commander in chief. It just shows how dangerous that can be. But my sources are saying that Twitter has rehired this employee...

WILLIAMS: What?

WATTERS: ... given him a raise, a promotion, and given him a corner office.

WILLIAMS: Seriously?

WATTERS: No, Juan, I'm kidding.

GUILFOYLE: Fake news.

WATTERS: This guy is a hero now. He is a hero. He'll have free drinks for the rest of his life.

GUILFOYLE: Free drinks.

WATTERS: But it is typical liberal, though: shut the debate down instead of actually having a conversation.

WILLIAMS: All right. So Kimberly, the idea is that people at one time were lobbying Twitter to take Trump off of it, because the said he violated their rules...

GUILFOYLE: Right.

WILLIAMS: ... for example, when he threatened North Korea, or when beat up CNN. Remember that.

GUILFOYLE: Rocket Man.

WILLIAMS: Or Greg's favorite. Remember when he hit the golf ball, and it smacked Hillary in the back?

GUTFELD: That was a good one.

WATTERS: Yes, do we have that?

WILLIAMS: You people are too much.

GUILFOYLE: Go to the file on that.

Yes, I mean, look, I don't know. This person obviously was completely, you know, acting inappropriately by doing this, but they thought they can get away with it because they were getting fired anyway. So let me just pull the ripcord on the way out, like, set the fire alarm off at school.

WILLIAMS: But aren't you worried that one person could do that?

GUILFOYLE: Of course I am. I mean, this just goes to show you I don't know what's going on over there at Twitter. I really don't. I mean, they need to have some more safeguards in, OK? And, like, what do they do? They need to, like, block people who are repeat, like, stalkers on there that -- right? Block them by their I.P. address, not just by -- because they open, like, 25 different accounts. Just like running amok over there.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: So you know, so then I read a piece, Dana. And it said, "Imagine, if instead of imagine shutting it down, the person had said something serious about, 'We're going to war' or something?"

PERINO: Right. Yes.

WILLIAMS: It would have been terrible.

PERINO: I mean, you could induce panic.

WILLIAMS: Right.

PERINO: Or a war. It could cause a problem, absolutely. And that's terrible. And so I don't know. Twitter has got some serious policy problems.

GUILFOYLE: Yes.

PERINO: I think. I think that they haven't addressed them well. I think that was proved over and over again for all of those reasons. But I would say if anybody at Twitter wants to shut down my account, please take it.

GUILFOYLE: And Greg and mine's.

WATTERS: But we love Jasper's. Leave Jasper's.

WILLIAMS: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Greg loves his Twitter right now.

GUTFELD: No.

GUILFOYLE: No. It's a love-hate. There's an ambivalence there.

GUTFELD: It's a hate-hate, actually.

GUILFOYLE: Now it's a hate-hate.

GUTFELD: Do you know what it is? Twitter exists on our own vanity and desire for attention. At this point, if you have a career in a family, you should consider leaving Twitter because of this very example.

GUILFOYLE: You have a career and a family.

GUTFELD: Well, yes, that's true. That's why I'm talking to myself. I'm trying to work through some issues here.

The press thought it was hilarious. There was -- if you look at the blue-check mob, you know, those are the people that think they're really important. They're in the first class at Twitter, because they've got a little blue check, and they love -- they love that blue check.

GUILFOYLE: I've got one.

GUTFELD: They said they were going to pay for the guy's health care if he lost his job. Or they were going to buy him a pizza.

What if somebody went to the blue-check mob and started tweeting out, like, pornography and cost them their job, or racist stuff? Or what if you went to Juan's account and said, "I'm going to start kill short people, starting today at 'The Five'"? You know, it's like...

GUILFOYLE: He does slay you.

GUTFELD: ... you can ruin...

PERINO: Go with him first.

GUTFELD: Yes, you can ruin people's lives. So it's like, I think that, you know, if it can happen this easily, you know, you could probably do far worse. I think maybe it's time to, like, figure out something better to do with your time. And again, I'm talking to me.

WATTERS: This is a therapy session?

GUTFELD: Why am I -- why am I doing it?

GUILFOYLE: You checked it during the show.

GUTFELD: But you should see the self-control that I have, right? Last night, I had this amazing tweet directed at somebody at the media who was humble bragging beyond belief.

PERINO: It was so good. And he even asked permission from friends, like, "Can I tweet this?"

GUTFELD: I said, "Can I send this out to this -- ? Because this person deserves it." And then you just -- what did you say?

PERINO: I didn't reply, but Tom Shillue said you should do it.

WILLIAMS: But you know what I think?

WATTERS: Never listen to Shillue.

WILLIAMS: So here's what I think about this, Greg.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WILLIAMS: I think there was a time when you can drive people to watch "The Five" via Twitter, and I think you believe that. So I mean, you were using it...

GUILFOYLE: I do that.

WILLIAMS: OK. But I think you've said now you don't believe that's the case.

GUTFELD: I think that people come to the show because they love the show; they look forward to it.

WILLIAMS: Right.

GUTFELD: Twitter right remind you something is on. Like, but it doesn't do that...

PERINO: We need something that is just for, like, break -- so you can follow the news and what's happening without -- without the Twitter.

GUTFELD: You mean Drudge?

GUILFOYLE: Yes, but...

WILLIAMS: Hey, hey, hey. Stop this.

GUILFOYLE: But at least it also tells you, you can highlight what's going to be on the show for that day.

GUTFELD: That is true. My problem is I just wake up in the morning and I go, "Oh God, what have I done?"

GUILFOYLE: "Facebook Friday."

WILLIAMS: But so here's Trump. You're talking to yourself, but talk to Trump. So Dana, Trump said he wouldn't be president -- he wouldn't be president without Twitter.

PERINO: He might be right. No, he utilizes it very well. And one of the things that was key in the election, when it came down to the general election candidates of Trump and Clinton, is that he obviously was doing the tweeting himself and it was authentic, and she obviously was not. When Neera Tanden was doing her tweets, they were actually pretty funny. But the ones that were just sanitized and boring, nobody likes that.

WILLIAMS: So for example, I'm going to tweet this weekend about the Eagles. You here that?

WATTERS: Yes. What are you going to tweet, Juan?

WILLIAMS: I don't know.

WATTERS: That they won?

WILLIAMS: Oh, get out. All right. The Washington football team is going to win. Our social media accounts are running just fine here. "Facebook Friday," up next.

GUILFOYLE: Yay!

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(MUSIC: THEME FROM "CADDYSHACK")

GUTFELD: Forty-three's favorite movie, "Caddyshack." Correct?

PERINO: Yes.

GUTFELD: Interesting.

WATTERS: Not surprising.

GUTFELD: "Facebook Friday." A little bit of trivia for you at home. Because I care about you. All right. This is from Frank F. Ooh, this is a great question, Frank, if you actually exist.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh.

GUTFELD: "If you got stuck in the elevator for eight hours, which FOX person, and only one, would you choose to be stuck with and why?" And we're referring to the remaining employees.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my goodness...

WILLIAMS: Oh, my goodness.

GUILFOYLE: No call backs?

Yes. I mean, this happened to me.

GUTFELD: Who was it?

GUILFOYLE: I was with myself.

GUTFELD: OK.

GUILFOYLE: Remember when I got trapped in the elevator...

GUTFELD: Oh, that's right. That's right.

GUILFOYLE: ... at 4:57? And then I dragged somebody...

GUTFELD: Freight elevator.

GUILFOYLE: Who did I drag in there? Did I drag Luke in there?

GUTFELD: I don't know.

GUILFOYLE: I think I did. I was like, "Help me, help me." And I thought he had the pass, and then we were both trapped.

GUTFELD: So you would be, prefer to be stuck with yourself?

GUILFOYLE: Well, I mean, I don't know. I don't want to get in trouble and say anybody. I mean, definitely not you, because you'll freak out.

GUTFELD: I will have a panic attack.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, you will.

GUTFELD: I have a panic attack in a normal elevator ride.

GUILFOYLE: And you start taking your socks off again. Like on the plane.

GUTFELD: Let's not get into that. Juan.

WILLIAMS: Well, I think I've told you. This is -- this is the scariest thing in my life. I can't deal with it. So I don't want to think about this.

GUTFELD: You don't like even thinking about it?

WILLIAMS: No.

PERINO: Really?

GUTFELD: Really?

PERINO: Wow.

GUTFELD: That's interesting. That's like, I don't like thinking about tall places.

WILLIAMS: What?

GUTFELD: About heights. Not tall places.

WILLIAMS: Tall places.

GUILFOYLE: That would be everything to you.

GUTFELD: That's everything. Like shelving. I can't think about shelving.

WILLIAMS: OK.

GUILFOYLE: He gets shelving anxiety.

GUTFELD: I think about heights, I actually get a little dizzy. Isn't that weird?

It just shows you how your brain, Jesse, you can impact your brain with thoughts.

WATTERS: Yes.

GUTFELD: Thoughts!

WATTERS: I've heard that before.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: The power of positive thinking.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: If I was to get stuck on an elevator with someone from Fox, it would be a hair and makeup artist. So when I left the elevator after eight hours and everybody was looking at me, I look good.

GUTFELD: Always thinking.

GUILFOYLE: They'd have to have their tools, their implements with them.

WATTERS: That was part of the deal.

GUILFOYLE: You'd have to have, like -- you'd have to have a Fox News employer who's also, like, a part-time fireman. That's what happens. They always come for you.

GUTFELD: What about you?

PERINO: I would go with Erin Landers.

GUTFELD: Your assistant.

PERINO: Because she's always got, like, a bag full of stuff. Snacks, things like that.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: She's got funny stories. She's cheerful. She doesn't panic.

GUTFELD: That's good.

WATTERS: I'm actually going to go change mine. Selwyn (ph) from the News Cafe so he can cook me something for eight hours.

GUILFOYLE: I like that.

GUTFELD: You know what's interesting, you raise a good question. If you're -- let's say you are in the elevator and there's five people that you don't know very well and you're stuck. And you're the only one that has lunch. Are you obligated to share your lunch with these people if it's, like, if you're going into two hours, or three hours.

WATTERS: No.

GUTFELD: No?

GUILFOYLE: Well, that would be weird if you didn't share. I mean, what's wrong with you?

GUTFELD: You paid for it. It's your food! They should have brought their own lunch.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh.

GUTFELD: You should pay for your own lunch. I carry lunch everywhere just in case this happens.

GUILFOYLE: I'm doubling down. I definitely don't want to be stuck with you.

GUTFELD: Obviously, my choice is Lou Dobbs. Lou Dobbs could carry me in his strong arms, climbing up the elevator cable to rescue me.

GUILFOYLE: Poor Dobbs.

I think we better pick our intern, Ryan. He's very nice and also an EMT. And like, fixed my (ph) arms.

WATTERS: Jack of all trades.

GUTFELD: Interesting. I'm going to start with you, Dana.

PERINO: OK.

GUTFELD: This is from Daniel K.: "What weird food combinations do you really enjoy?"

GUILFOYLE: Oh, boy.

GUTFELD: Combinations.

PERINO: Can I tell you one that I used to love and it's disgusting?

GUTFELD: What?

PERINO: My grandmother on my mom's side, Grandma Brooks, she and I used to eat Miracle Whip and peanut butter sandwiches.

GUTFELD: That's pretty good.

GUILFOYLE: That sounds like an Elvis thing.

PERINO: It sounds horrible now. But at the time, we really liked it with Wonder Bread.

GUTFELD: Interesting. Interesting. What about you, Jesse? Any weird food combos?

WATTERS: Yes. So my middle name is Bailey, my grandfather. And we do a Bailey Bacon Sandwich, where you take a hotdog bun, and you put bacon strips, and then you put mustard on it...

PERINO: And you eat it?

WATTERS: ... and you just eat it like that for breakfast.

PERINO: My mouth just watered. That sounds good.

WATTERS: It's very good.

GUILFOYLE: Actually, it sounds super tasty.

WATTERS: Right up your alley.

GUILFOYLE: Are you kidding me? It is my alley.

GUTFELD: Odd combinations?

GUILFOYLE: I don't know. Well, I make my little quesadilla pizza, cheese thing, salami, but I think that's phenomenal together. So I don't know if it's weird.

WATTERS: Can you please bring that in one day?

GUILFOYLE: Yes, I can.

PERINO: She can make one for you. Make you one in the microwave.

GUILFOYLE: I can cut it in little squares.

WATTERS: Food court.

GUILFOYLE: It's like the cutest thing you've ever seen. Yes.

But besides that, I don't mind something like a little peanut butter and banana Elvis sandwich.

WATTERS: I do that.

GUTFELD: That's gross. Bananas should only be in bread, I think.

GUILFOYLE: Well, that is in bread. What are you talking...?

GUTFELD: No, I mean banana bread. I like banana bread, but I don't like the...

GUILFOYLE: OK, but that's on bread.

GUTFELD: ... don't like the texture of banana. The texture is too similar to something that I find repulsive.

GUILFOYLE: What is it?

GUTFELD: I won't say. It's a family show.

PERINO: Oh, my goodness.

GUTFELD: Juan.

WILLIAMS: I...

GUTFELD: What's your weird food combination?

WILLIAMS: Well, the thing is, I really get a kick out of -- I'm like a child. I go into the 7-Eleven and then I put, like, root beer with blueberry flavored, you know, and all kinds of...

PERINO: Terrible.

WILLIAMS: Yes, I knew you would say that. I mix them up. And even, like, people in my family are, like, "Keep that away from me."

GUILFOYLE: I like root beer floats. But like...

WILLIAMS: But you know, if you go in the Freeze, you can pick any flavor you want, Kimberly, and you just make beautiful colors. But they don't...

GUTFELD: They call me weird. But I mean, this is going to -- peanut butter and jelly. Yes.

GUILFOYLE: What?

PERINO: Weird.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: So weird.

GUILFOYLE: You don't like it?

PERINO: Unique.

GUILFOYLE: It's gross? But it's delicious.

GUTFELD: No, I'm saying -- I'm just joking because it's so banal. I don't have any weird combinations.

GUILFOYLE: Well, let's move on.

GUTFELD: My food does not touch.

PERINO: Your weird combination is "Greg" and "Gutfeld."

GUTFELD: Yes. True. That's true. But I -- none of my food touches on the plate.

PERINO: Oh, God.

GUILFOYLE: OK, zip -- zip it along.

GUTFELD: I don't like it if the foods touch.

WATTERS: Seven years old, everybody.

GUTFELD: Separate but equal, the food on my plate! Separate but equal.
Mashed potatoes here, peas here, beef here.

GUILFOYLE: I like doing that.

GUTFELD: If they touch, it's over. It's over. No cats and dogs playing together on my block.

GUILFOYLE: We've got to go. I know, but you won't stop talking.

GUTFELD: I'm just going to keep talking. "One More Thing" next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUILFOYLE: It's time now for "One More Thing." And I'll start with me-me first.

GUTFELD: I didn't know you did French.

GUILFOYLE: OK, put up my -- I look little in that little picture!

PERINO: I know. What is going on?

GUILFOYLE: I know, it's like very weird. It's like I'm in a mousetrap or something.

OK. My good friends, or recent friends, at Us Weekly recently visited my New York City apartment, where I gave them a sneak peek at my shoe closet. And they wanted to, you know, see the wall which I said was better than Trump's wall, Jesse, of all the shoes. So let's take a look.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: One of the big questions that I get asked all the time and I'm, like, terrified to answer or to actually know the true answer, is how many pairs of shoes do you have? There have been estimates of about 500 pairs.

Dana Perino got these for me, because she's a little, like, cowgirl. She loves country music. So she really upped my coolness game.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God. Is that the cutest? When we were at PBR. And they're, like, very popular.

PERINO: Yes.

GUILFOYLE: Those boots are flying off the shelf. They're amazing. They didn't put up the clip with the little...

PERINO: That Peco (ph) box. Yes, those are cool.

GUILFOYLE: I know. And my friend Danielle who's here helped me with that whole shoe wall. So thank you, Danielle.

GUTFELD: To quote "Us Weekly," "You're just like us."

GUILFOYLE: Exactly. Exactly.

GUTFELD: Five hundred pairs.

GUILFOYLE: Yes.

PERINO: The answer to the question is, how many pairs of shoes do you have? Not enough.

GUILFOYLE: It's not fine (ph), though -- yes, not enough. If my shoe size ever changed, so there we go.

PERINO: Mine next?

GUILFOYLE: Yes.

PERINO: All right. So apparently, humans love their dogs more than fellow man. OK, so two studies come out that show that people, if you're shown -- you can get contributions to, like, a little baby or a dog. They'll go with the dog.

And also, when they looked at, at Northeastern University, students are shown fake newspaper clippings about a baseball bat attack on a puppy, an adult dog, a year old infant, and a 30-year old.

GUTFELD: Shameless.

PERINO: And guess what?

GUTFELD: You're just showing pictures...

PERINO: People cared about the dogs more.

GUTFELD: She's showing pictures of Jasper. That's all that this is for. Shameless.

PERINO: No, it was -- well, sure.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.

PERINO: I mean, his fans were demanding it.

WILLIAMS: Yes, yes.

GUILFOYLE: Greg is such a hater. OK, Jess.

WATTERS: All right. Saturday night, "Watters' World," 8 p.m. We have Ann Coulter. We have Tomi Lahren, and a psychologist who treats Trump anxiety disorder among the millennials.

GUTFELD: Fair and balanced, Jesse.

WATTERS: Yes, we are. No brunettes? Is that why?

WILLIAMS: Exactly.

WATTERS: Also, there is a classic "Watters' World" quiz. Here's a little taste.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: What did the Declaration of Independence do?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Um... I have no idea. That's awful.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I am not that knowledgeable on those declarations and the Constitution and all of that.

WATTERS: What country did we declare our independence from?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Virginia.

(SFX: BUZZER)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Correct?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: All right.

GUILFOYLE: Greg.

GUTFELD: Real quick, "Greg Gutfeld Show" tomorrow, I've got Lauren Sivan. I've got Scott Adams, obviously, "Dilbert" fame and the guy who predicted Trump's election. It's going to be great. Tomorrow night and Sunday at 5 p.m.

GUILFOYLE: And Juan has the big parade for Houston Astros.

WILLIAMS: We'll come back.

GUILFOYLE: All right. Never miss an episode of "The Five." "Special Report" is up next. Bret, take it away.

END

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