This is a rush transcript of "Gutfeld" on November 8, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Happy super duper Monday, America. What a glorious weekend we shared. What did you do with that extra hour? Well, Pete Hegseth is here tonight, huh. There he is. Gorgeous. Let's see - - he's so patriotic. Let's see what he did with that extra time.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

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GUTFELD: Yes, he's such a patriot that when he bangs his head, he sees stars and stripes.

PETE HEGSETH, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Amen.

GUTFELD: And when he poops it's red, white and P.U. To the monologue where it's time for?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The biggest, most insane story that no one is covering because it no longer serves the uses of phony smear against political enemies.

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GUTFELD: Got to shorten these titles. So it's 2021 and this monologue is on the Steele dossier. Like a birthmark, this story never ever goes away. Is that my fault? No. I would much prefer to do something on Joe Biden breaking wind at the Climate Summit. That breeze was so hot, Greta Thunberg asked him to stand in front of a windmill. But look, that fart was the only honest thing to come out of Joe since he became President.

Too east. Too easy. Don't applaud. No. We don't have enough time for the applause. OK. But that's why that story was my first choice. But now unfortunately, it's number two. I'm not beneath anything.

HEGSETH: No.

GUTFELD: And why? Because now the legacy media is smothering the dossier story like it's a bed ridden ant with a lot of money. But here, we're different. See the dossier hoax. It's like spending the holidays with your parents is as important as it is soul crushing. Because that one false manufacturer's story, Guy did nearly everything the media focused on for over four years and when we made fun of it, the media made fun of us.

Like we were in denial when in fact it was them all along. So we need to settle a score and then run that score up like the Harlem Globetrotters playing against the Little Sisters of the Poor. So first, a recap. The Steele dossier was an anti Trump conspiracy theory funded by the Clinton campaign. It became the number one all things Russian smear buffet. All he needed was Boris Natasha in a bowl filled with poison borscht.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: The dossier has been corroborated by the intelligence community.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The dossier in fact is far from bogus.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I think we're going to actually have to stop calling it the infamous dossier. Increasingly, it's the accurate dossier.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Famous dossier, which is getting a lot more credibility now.

RACHEL MADDOW, MSNBC HOST: The Republican claim today was that the dossier has been increasingly discredited. That's not true in terms of the public record about the dossier. In fact, it's quite the opposite.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Oh. They have so much egg on their face their eyeballs need Lipitor. Still bigger than Watergate, though.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CARL BERNSTEIN, CNN POLITICAL ANALYST: What we are watching in the Trump presidency is worse than Watergate.

I keep getting asked, are there echoes of Watergate in this? And there are. We're also witnessing something we did not see in Watergate, which is a meltdown by a president who is demonstrably unhinged. What we're seeing is worse than Watergate.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Poor guy. I mean, think about it. When Watergate was your last success, you'd be bringing it up to. But it's been 50 years almost. That's like me bragging about the time I got a Lego stuck up my nose. That was 50 years ago, too, but I'm not on CNN comparing everything to that. OK? It was last year but so what? Then there's Rachel, whose brain snapped in 2016. Like Stella d'Oro breadstick.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MADDOW: This guy Kilimnik keeps turning up again and again. Konstantin Kilimnik, Konstantin Kilimnik, Konstantin Kilimnik, Konstantin Kilimnik, Konstantin Kilimnik. He's still Russian military intelligence. Kilimnik, a short man who goes by Kostya. This guy Konstantin Kilimnik. Konstantin Kilimnik investigating Konstantin Kilimnik for espionage. This guy Konstantin Kilimnik is the key that unlocks that door. It seems like it would have to be.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: She hadn't been that excited since Supercuts dropped their clipper cut from 28 to $22.00. Anyway -- but anyway, the Steele dossier was hyped more than the Fox Patriot awards at the villages.

HEGSETH: Know it.

GUTFELD: You know, but it turns out it was fake. How fake?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Red meat multiple choice test.

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GUTFELD: Yes. The dossier was as fake as A, Kamala's laugh, B, our President's teeth, C, Hillary's smile, D, the Clinton marriage. And bonus option, it's as fake as the urine Kat's supplied for her weekly drug test. It's the first sample they seen that was carbonated. Please write down your choice on the back of a cereal box and mail it to Joe Scarborough care of Bellevue Hospital. Now, the new indictments coming out from Special Counsel John Durham are even crazier.

By the way, what is with this picture? Is this -- is this the only picture ever taken of John Durham? Could he look any more like a German U-boat commander. The scary thing is that's his sixth grade class picture. And why isn't he playing the lead in the life and times of Wilford Brimley. Talk about cocoon, you could wrap yourself in that stash. Sometimes I thought about it. And if you turn his head upside down, doesn't he look familiar?

All right. Enough at his expense. So the indictment offers lots of new evidence revealing this steals key source involved a shady guy named Igor. Igor made false statements to the FBI about his role in supplying the gossipy smears to steal. Steal was that former British spy who worked for Fusion GPS, he's like 007 if that stood for his I.Q. So was this the ticking time bomb? We were promised by every blue checker on Twitter from 2016 to 2020?

Well, it was indeed a bombshell except it went boom boom all over them. And because of that the story sinks like a Gambino member wearing cement shoes. Never to be seen, except on this show. Because.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Gutfeld. We care about the truth and latex goods and also leather. We care about leather and latex goods.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Mostly. So Igor on behalf of Hillary helped plant the lies to fuel the collusion fairy tale, as the FBI also use steals work to obtain surveillance warrants. Yet, as Igor confesses it was all based on booze fueled hearsay from friends, which is not bad research.

That's how I found out that Bigfoot had impregnated the Loch Ness monster to give birth to Carrot Top. That's all of my research. But then his real source, which was another Democratic hack, a guy who's only connected to the Kremlin is the bottle of Russian dressing in the fridge. My wife has more of a connection to Moscow. It's the poster of a shirtless Putin above our bed. In other words, this whole thing was a hoax. A malicious deception like Kat's extensions.

And much like all the other hoaxes, we've heard. The fine people lie, the injecting bleach, Covington, Kavanaugh, CRT doesn't exist but white supremacy does. Well, feel like I just wrote an outline for a new Fox nation series hosted by Diamond and Silk. But this dossier smear was designed to sway an election claiming Trump was under Moscow's control because of the extorted power of blackmail.

So is the media admitting to their huge error now? Of course not. The story is too huge to admit it being false. And that's why the hugest story on earth must vanish. Because it's not simply the media admitting to being wrong, it's admitting to being fundamentally deluded for over four years. And if there's any guiding principle to today's legacy journalism, that's it.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. Whenever he hears the word dad he just assumed someone is trying to talk to him because he has a lot of kids. Fox and Friends Weekend co-host Pete Hegseth. He dresses like the job he wants. 1980 stand-up comedian. Host of The Next Revolution, Steve Hilton. She's liked my laundry, he smells nice for that ends up on the floor for days. Fox News Contributor Kat Timpf.

And he always looks down at his fans because he has no choice, he's tall. My massive sidekick and the NWA World Television Champion, Tyrus. How are you doing there, Pete? Good?

HEGSETH: Doing great.

GUTFELD: Good, good, good. Enjoy your weekend with the extra hour?

HEGSETH: Always.

GUTFELD: Yes, you were super --

HEGSETH: Oh, yes. It's a morning show dream.

GUTFELD: Yes. It is.

HEGSETH: Daylight savings.

GUTFELD: You get that extra --

HEGSETH: When I was hated I love it.

GUTFELD: Yes. Kat just sees it that's another hour of black --

(CROSSTALK)

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Oh, I get drunk all the time. Yes. I love drinking with drugs. I got it right, right?

GUTFELD: Yes. You got it right.

TIMPF: That's where you're going with that?

GUTFELD: Yes, I was.

TIMPF: Yes, I thought.

GUTFELD: All right.

TIMPF: Surprising I figured that out some other drugs online.

GUTFELD: so Pete, what does the silence tell you? It tells you that the media always controls the spigot and they design what narrative they want, or don't want.

HEGSETH: Of course they do. I mean, at this point, we're at the point where I would say there's more evidence for the moon landing being faked.

GUTFELD: Hmm.

HEGSETH: More evidence for 9/11 being an inside job and more evidence for Epstein killing himself.

GUTFELD: Hmm.

HEGSETH: Then there is of the Russian collusion.

GUTFELD: Interesting.

HEGSETH: Really. I mean, we -- you step -- you step back and look at the evidence that Durham as goofy as he may look is presenting. You've got Igor and Olga.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: Olga's the other source along with this Charles Dolan.

GUTFELD: Right.

HEGSETH: All of which are now admitting every aspect of it was hearsay while drunk or Dolan said this is a -- he had a GOP friend who was telling these things. Then once pressed, he said, I don't actually have a Republican friend at all that told me these things.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes.

HEGSETH: So as they actually asked him the question of where they got the information, they admit it yet, as Donald Trump said, and he's right. Where's the -- where -- are they going to revoke any Pulitzers for this?

GUTFELD: No. They're not, they're not.

HEGSETH: Of course, they're not.

GUTFELD: What I got from you is that -- so you're saying you believe the moon landing actually happened?

HEGSETH: I might. I do. Well --

TIMPF: Yes. You think Epstein killed himself?

HEGSETH: No. I'm saying there's more evidence that he did. Then there is that Trump colluded with Russia.

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Duality of being sarcastic.

HEGSETH: I was trying.

GUTFELD: Yes. I know. I'm just --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: No. But I -- your sarcasm about the moon landing was noted. So you do believe it happened.

HEGSETH: I do.

GUTFELD: Which is so naive and silly but we're going to move on. That was the point I was getting at. Steve, this is not -- I -- this is not about Trump. This is not a Trump story. This is a media story. And because we're in the media, we are so quick to move on to things. We're not even talking about Afghanistan. That was what? A month ago maybe.

STEVE HILTON, HOST, THE NEXT REVOLUTION: It's the media but also the way that -- they're all -- the establishment. I know that's for everyone, all the establishment, the deeps, but they are all the same thing. And you've got these people now. I mean, look at -- look at one aspect of this. It's a small aspect but it was just amazing that how it all fits together. Fiona Hill hands up in the middle of this story. Do you remember Julia Fiona Hill?

GUTFELD: Yes.

HILTON: She was like the star witness in the Ukraine impeachment thing. And so she shows up in this story. She's the one that introduced them in the first place. She's the one that introduced the Russian to Dolan to what? You know, and like -- and then she ends up in the Trump White House and like, the whole way that all these people are just completely connected. And now she's running around as the kind of hero of the anti-Trump resistant. This fanatic.

She's got a book out. She's -- when she's promoting a book, she's literally saying, if Trump wins again, it's the end of democracy. This is the key point that make -- this makes me think of is like, they run around saying, you undermine democracy all the time. They're the ones. This is what they're trying to do. There is an election, they didn't like the result. So they went about trying to overturn it, and yet they get to accuse --

GUTFELD: Of course.

HILTON: Everyone now. It's just like with racism, they go on calling everyone racist. They're the ones that --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: But it all works based on our short attention spans. It's like, so you can talk about January 6 forever, as long as you don't remember all of this?

HILTON: Yes. Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: -- happened before. And actually most people are like -- most people, especially in the media, they don't remember. You know, Kat, I think there was a high point to all of this. And that was the introduction of the phrase P-tape.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes. Because we can talk about it now openly.

TIMPF: I was talking about openly and I also didn't -- even if it was real, I didn't really have a problem with it.

HILTON: I thought you --

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: -- pay them, that exchange of goods. Why do I care?

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.

TIMPF: Any more questions? You said (INAUDIBLE)

GUTFELD: No, I don't. I was just going to ask you what your thoughts were.

TIMPF: Yes. I mean, look, I think it must be really nice to be able to be this wrong. And this mean, when you are wrong, and not even like, feel bad, or do any self examination because I do too much self examination, I think.

GUTFELD: Yes, you do.

TIMPF: You know, I feel -- I feel -- I feel bad when I do things wrong. They don't. It must be nice.

GUTFELD: Yes. It must be nice. What about you, Tyrus? Thoughts on this?

TYRUS: You know, when I was looking -- I tried to look at the whole, you know, they say look at the big picture.

GUTFELD: Right.

TYRUS: And you look at that whole error of, you know, the dossier and the Mueller report and all the criminals that were flushed out. But they were all Democrats. Cuomo, Avenatti, Steele dossier. Like everybody who came out to be heroes.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Were bad guys. So, of course, the dossier wasn't real. Nothing do that entire period was real and that's why they're not going to apologize because they'll just say, well it's my truth.

GUTFELD: Right, right, right.

TYRUS: As I saw at the time. My show --

HILTON: Exactly.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: -- specific thing to make up.

HILTON: But at least the (INAUDIBLE) was flushed out. I mean, we got to say that's like, you know.

HEGSETH: Well, and it served their purpose. It was able to diminish a Trump presidency. That's all they cared about.

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: They mission accomplished. We now have high inflation.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: So, as literally what it is.

GUTFELD: I'll take a P-tape over high inflation any day.

TYRUS: Widely.

HEGSETH: And sometimes I have.

GUTFELD: In tweets.

HEGSETH: Yes.

GUTFELD: I mean, tweets all right, we got to move on. Up next. Joe's no member of Mensa, but implies we're all Densa.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Our stupidity is to blame says the guy who remembers no one's name. Instead it's our intelligence he offends as handlers scrambled for depends. Yes. Joe's out of the loop while his pants fill with -- it's just too easy. You know, sometimes I wonder if I have a problem.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes. Done this on the street. I think it's perfectly edible.

JOE DEVITO, COMEDIAN: You know, Greg, we really need to talk to you about something. It's the poop jokes. We're not even done with the monologue. And (INAUDIBLE) like, eight of them.

GUTFELD: What the hell is going on here? Do you guys agree with him?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes.

GUTFELD: Is this is some kind of poop joke intervention you caused?

DEVITO: Yes.

GUTFELD: What do you want then?

DEVITO: Anything would be better than this.

GUTFELD: Oh, you can go eat (BLEEP)

DEVITO: That's what we're talking about.

GUTFELD: Oh, shut up.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I get the letters. I know. All right, while trying to explain the supply chain crisis, which has left me without a new writing crop for weeks now. The President recently mocked the American public for not getting it.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: We were all going out and having lunch together and I said let's ask whoever -- whoever's in the next table no matter how -- what restaurant we're in, have them explain the supply chain to us. Do you think they understand what we're talking about?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Not if you're explaining it, Joe. But to be fair, usually when Joe quizzes fellow diners the question is, where am I? Who are you? Is my wallet in your soup? Here's more.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BIDEN: Why is everything backed up? Was backed up because the people who supply the materials that end up being on our kitchen table or in our -- in our fam our life? Guess what? They're close those plants because they have COVID.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I know why is everything backed up? I'm not going to do it. OK? I listen -- I'm trying to maintain some seriousness after the intervention. They all met with me. But it smells so good and it's so close. Anyway, the real reason --

HILTON: That's a long time.

GUTFELD: I know (INAUDIBLE) that's the reason why we got problems as the labor shortage caused by lockdowns, mandates and free money. It's not that suddenly America decided to buy more groceries. One size fits all regulations and restrictions on services help block the free flow of labor, well hindering recovery efforts. Americans are buying a record amount of crap right now. It's too much for the system to handle.

Biden's also in the dark, on the plan to reportedly gave 450 grand to illegal immigrants separated at the border. I guess they only wake him for the non-binding meetings on climate change, but suddenly changed his mind

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You said last week that this report about migrant families at the border getting payments was garbage.

BIDEN: No, I didn't say that. Let's get is straight. You said everybody coming across the border gets 500 -- $450,000.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So, the number was what you had a problem with.

BIDEN: The number is what I was referring to.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK.

BIDEN: If in fact, because of the outrageous behavior of the last administration, you were coming across the border, whether it was legal or illegal, and you lost your child, you lost your child, it's gone, you deserve some kind of compensation, no matter what the circumstance.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Hmm. I haven't seen it flip flop that big since I went sunbathing with Tyrus.

TYRUS: That never happened.

GUTFELD: So, what do you have to save yourself, Mr. President?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Look, why do we got to let that kid in the press room anyway? They kid with the blonde hair and the mask. I don't like him. He's always asking questions. Trying to pin me down. You can't pin down, Old Joe. I'm like the Karate Kid. I'm like Mr. Miyagi. All right? Mr. Cobra Kai. Wax on, wax off. Look, you wax on, you wax off, you're all out of wax. That's the supply chain right there in a nutshell. Come on, man. All right.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: True. All right. We didn't really go sunbathing, Tyrus.

TYRUS: I think they knew that.

GUTFELD: Yes. Your thoughts on -- he always seems to blame everybody for their ignorance but his own for some reason.

TYRUS: Why -- that's kind of the cornerstone of being ignorant. You don't really take responsibility.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Obviously someone else's. This is (BLEEP) painful to watch like I'm hugging on my championship belt. Like it's a small child. But I don't want to see what's happening to grandpa. Like this is -- this is like we told him not -- we only told him one sherry.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: There's 17 Sherries in. It's bad when he couldn't even break down how you lean over and go, hey, you mind telling us about how things work that the next table? He tripped and fell on a hypothetical question about somebody at the next table? It's over.

TIMPF: It's hypothetical that he made up, he fell.

TYRUS: He hypothetically forgot in the middle of what he was talking about. All I want to do is go, no, no, no, no, no, no. Turn the camera. You turn the cameras off. Let's go. Get him out of here.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: It's like getting mad at somebody that you had a dream like, which means to you in a dream.

TIMPF: Oh, that's OK to do that.

GUTFELD: Yes it is. Was that -- he got mad at the people in the hypothetical. They don't exist.

TYRUS: Yes. He had an argument within himself.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: And now he's down to the last thing that an old white man has left. You. Young people? I'm so glad he said people.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's true. That's true. Pete --

HEGSETH: But it's over.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: It is over.

GUTFELD: You know what, we all -- we -- it's not that important that he's not in charge. Right? Because apparently the Democrats don't care.

HILTON: That's -- exactly. And that was the whole point of him in the first place. You know, like, just put this guy in, it doesn't matter. You know, we'll figure it out. Pelosi, and all the people around him, Ron Klain are on everything. And he's just like -- but when you listen to it, I hadn't heard that. Without watching the video, there's something even worse, when you let mumbling rambling thing and you just hear the sound you think, who is this weird, random old guy that's going to wander in to the -- to the White House.

TYRUS: And it just makes everyone do the same thing. Everybody goes fetal, like --

(CROSSTALK)

HILTON: It's so bad.

GUTFELD: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: Please make him stop.

HILTON: But it is a perfect encapsulation of everything that's wrong with them. So like the supply chain, they make it all worse. They pay people to stay at home. They put in these stupid mandates. So the essential industries, they can't get the workers, they cancel energy production here, they have to import it from salaries, more expensive, inflation goes up. All the things they're doing make this worse.

And then they turn around and say it's your fault because you're ordering things that you shouldn't and just shut up and wait for the trend. Let the whole thing --

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: His explanation was that the plants have COVID.

HILTON: What are you talking about?

TIMPF: It's wild to see him being critical of people. He also said the press are doing a bad job of explaining this. Like you don't get to be critical of being bad at explaining things. When you have a whole team of people whose main job is to make sure that you don't get a chance to try to explain anything.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: I mean, like as he said, the plants have COVID and that he -- like as Tyrus said, he got upset about a hype of people in a hypothetical he made up in his own head and he forgot what was happening with it. It's like remember how this was supposed to be like a return to normalcy, right?

GUTFELD: Right. Yes.

TIMPF: I'm not going to pretend that Trump was a normal president. Obviously he wasn't. But can we please stop pretending that this is normal?

GUTFELD: No. You know what's funny. It's two different kinds of abnormal. I've come up with this -- you know when people got triggered by Trump, it was a certain kind of thing about his personality and his abrasiveness, whatever you want to call it. And there's -- but what we replaced it with is something that is completely different that triggers you. It's a sense of complete and utter discomfort of not knowing where this is going at any time.

HEGSETH: Oh, can you imagine being an aide to Joe Biden?

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: That's why they've created an entire fake press room next to the Oval Office where they can put a giant teleprompter behind it so they can give him the answer.

(CROSSTALK)

HEGSETH: -- watching and he starts a sentence and you have absolutely no idea where it's going to go.

GUTFELD: I always say --

(CROSSTALK)

HEGSETH: -- exactly.

GUTFELD: But I always say it's like listening to a kid tell you what the dream he had the night before.

TYRUS: No, no, no, hell no. Hell no. You will not put that on kids.

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: No, sir. Because they are very articulate, very clear. I know exactly what lie they're telling, what their end goal is, is always to get a cookie. I have no idea where this man is going. Not a clue.

HILTON: It always ends with, and dad I'm scared, I need to come in your bed to join.

TYRUS: Yes.

HEGSETH: There's always a reason for it.

TYRUS: Yes.

HEGSETH: Whereas in this case, I'd like to see the rest of my time and allow Joe Biden to attempt to explain this (INAUDIBLE)

TYRUS: Because this ride is going for a long time.

GUTFELD: Yes. Yes. All right, up next. The left loses clout because wokeness is all there about.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ANNOUNCER: "OH MY GOD THE LEFT IS EATING ITSELF."

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: That is the worse Nexio I've ever seen. But anyway --

STEVE HILTON, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Did you do that to yourself?

GUTFELD: No, I could have done a better job. Welcome to "THE LEFT IS EATING ITSELF." I'm your host, Fran Drescher. Tonight's episode, the wokey-pokey - - yes, it's the woke's only deflection to ignore the Virginia election. First up, New York Times Columnist Maureen Dowd warns Dems that the losses will keep coming if they keep embracing wokeness while blaming the party for violating the pledge to be cool, calm and reassuring following President Trump. But some Dems aren't listening. Texas Lieutenant Governor Candidate Matthew Dowd declared Sunday that Jesus would be accused of being woke if he were around today, which I have to say seems hard to prove. But remember, unlike the woke mob, Jesus was always for forgiveness. So, leave it to the only sensible Democrat to sum things up. Tulsi Gabbard recently spoke to the shadowy figure known as "HANNITY."

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TULSI GABBARD, FORMER HAWAII DEMOCRATIC REPRESENTATIVE: We don't have leaders who actually respect the American people, who actually respect us enough to listen, to listen to what parents are concerned about. You know, their children and their education. To listen to the American people who are sick and tired of the power elite trying to tear us apart based on the color of our skin.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: There is a woman after my heart and possibly my job. I don't want to hear anymore. So, Kat, here -- I mentioned this a lot, I said it on "THE FIVE," is it possible to reason with the woke if the woke believes that the people trying to reason with him aren't woke, aren't conscious? So, is this like a losing proposition for people like Maureen Dowd?

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Yes, it's, it's crazy because -- you know, their whole view of every -- it's stupid. You know, and it's not working, but if you're stupid, and you think that you're actually really smarter than everyone else, then there really is no reasoning or talking with them. And also, why would they give it up? Because they have these little circles where they don't have to like research or prepare or have actual beliefs. They just have to be like: you're a racist, you're a sexist, and they win every time?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: That's a lot easier than doing work.

GUTFELD: I'm actually jealous. Because if I was woke, I would -- my life would be so much easier, I wouldn't be hanging around you, that's for sure. Patriot. Oh, I'm a patriot --

PETE HEGSETH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: I believe America is

TIMPF: That was a great Hegseth impression. Yes.

GUTFELD: Look at me --

HEGSETH: There's still tickets available, by the way.

GUTFELD: For the silver table.

HEGSETH: For the silver table. You're right. It's, it's a very simple construct by which they get to treat all of us as a group.

GUTFELD: Right.

HEGSETH: It's systemic racism, it's not you white man, or black men are racist because of what you say or do. The entire system is in one direction. So, I get to put you Greg as a white male in a category and that is who you are to be damned. And by the way, as far as Jesus is concerned, he did walk on water, which seems a little anti-science, which means the woke mob wouldn't really be for that.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: I mean, if he claimed that, he can't be with them.

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, and the cultural appropriation of fish everywhere, obviously.

GUTFELD: Yes. Teaching, teaching --

TYRUS: What kind of guy walks on water? Do you breathe water, bro?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Like, how many sea turtles have to duck so you can walk?

GUTFELD: Yes, that is so true. You know?

HEGSETH: I didn't understand.

GUTFELD: Neither did I. You know, Steve, I am, I am kind of interested in Wokeism because it's such an easy filter to put on everything. Because you can pretty much link anything you want. When there's an ideology --

HILTON: Yes.

GUTFELD: You know, that that can just you can include in every facet of your life, it's scary. It's a cult, it's cult behavior, in a way.

HILTON: It's totally cold behavior, and it's perfect for them because it's totally self-reinforcing. If you're against it, that proves their point, that racist example contained within it. And the thing that's also true about this whole story is it's another example of what you're saying at the beginning about the media because they totally amplify and reinforce it. So, they hear that this is the thing that the Democrats are coming out. OK, so we have to be on board. We have to agree with it. We have to insist on it. So, the speed with which that a couple of lines about critical race theory is not taught in schools suddenly every single person, every single person in the media was saying the same thing.

GUTFELD: But you are seeing some people almost staged like a political intervention there are people like James Carville and boring dad, that are going can you guys pump the brakes, but it's -- I think it's not, I think it's just something that has to be completely era -- like, let go into the ocean, like dropping a frozen blob.

TYRUS: The environment has to pay for our dumb-assery. Listen, Wokeism isn't new. The America has had a long tradition of morons and idiots, and dumb-assery and bad ideas, and that's why we came together as a civilization to stop those things. It's always going to be there. The difference now is someone has given the dummies the microphone. So, at some point, somebody goes out let the adults take that --

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Because there's nothing new. You can connect ignorance to anything. I can win any argument I want. In this room with every one of you, no matter what the subject is. Pete, aske me any question.

HEGSETH: Tyrus.

TYRUS: How dare you racist talk to me like that? You don't know me.

HEGSETH: But I want to --

TYRUS: Oh, so you can't respect my boundaries? You're going to keep coming at me?

HEGSETH: No, but --

TYRUS: So, you're going to disrespect me like that? That's what I'm talking about. Every time I come in this building, I got some white guy telling me this and I go act this way. How dare you, Sir? That was dumb as hell. I said nothing.

GUTFELD: But you said everything. All right. Coming up, their plan to divide the racist has been falling flat on their face.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: The (INAUDIBLE) left is lunacy, electing a black is proof of white supremacy. And he got called out by Maher because his racist claims were bizarre. After slew Republican victories in last week's election stems in their media support groups have gone to great lengths to explain away their failures, the most popular narrative blame white supremacy. Even as Virginia elected Winsome Sears as the state's first black female Lieutenant Governor. And as Republicans replaced a governor who posed in blackface and or a Klanhood. Notable left wing racist blowhard Michael Eric Dyson stopped by MSNBC to explain and like the famous vacuum this Dyson sucks.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MICHAEL ERIC DYSON, SOCIOLOGY PROFESSOR, GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY: The problem is here they want they want white supremacy by ventriloquist effect. There's a black mouth moving but a white idea through the running on the runway of the tongue of a figure who justifies and legitimates of the White Supremacist's practices.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: A black mouth moving but a white idea is coming out. Everyone clear on that? There are black ideas and there are white ideas, so that's it. And black people who disagree with them are literal dummies. Couldn't have said it better if he were David Duke himself. Again, it's not just about racial segregation but idea segregation too. Think about it, the woke are so backwards that someone not saying what you want them to say equals ventriloquism. When really, it's Dyson, who's the real dummy cribbing off Joy Reid. During a Friday appearance with Bill Maher though, Dyson confirmed his citizenship in fantasy land by claiming parents voted the way they did because of racial fear.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DYSON: The point is that parents who were spooked by Critical Race Theory none of whom can define it. When you ask them what it is, they don't know.

BILL MAHER, COMEDIAN: But I find that a disingenuous argument, because I don't think that is what people are objecting to. I'm not objecting to black history being taught. There are other things going on in the schools.

DYSON: Like what?

MAHER: Can we just, like separating children by race and describing them as either oppressed or oppressor? I mean, there are children coming home who were -- feel traumatized by this. That's what's, that's what parents are objecting to.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: But Bill, my way to catch up there. Maher just accurately defined critical race theory. Time to call him a Nazi. You what I liked about this, Pete, is that when Tyson said like what Bill Maher just gave him exactly what Critical Race theorists described as CRT.

HEGSETH: Exactly. You don't have to unpack every aspect of a theory to say when my child walks into a classroom, if they're white, they're an oppressor. And if they're black, they're oppressed, which is actually completely racist to black children who are told they're incapable of succeeding in a society. And I went, I went to a public school in the 1980s and 90s.

GUTFELD: You're, you're the real hero.

HEGSETH: Oh, yes. I don't know what to do with that. But I was, I was taught that, you know, our founding was unequal.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: I was taught that racism was a sin. I was taught the civil rights era was full of discrimination. And yet, I was still taught that our country seeks to fulfill our founding premise. That's everything CRT rejects -- he is, he I mean, we have to do what they do, which is look, someone like him in the eye and say, you're the racist. I'm not, you are and leave it there.

GUTFELD: Typical cracker. Am I right, Tyrus?

TYRUS: Brother, you know, I mean, we're looking at this wrong. Let's think about all those poor white children that come in and be told that their oppressors and they're broke. They have to go home and be like, Dad, we're supposed to own stuff. Where's the, where's the big house?

GUTFELD: Yes. If we're the oppressor --

TYRUS: I see, in my cars and stuff, where's my inheritance?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Well, son, Dad, drunk that away and my dreams in high school. This dude, he's selling a book.

GUTFELD: Right.

TYRUS: It's OK, here's the hustle. The world's messed up and I'm going to talk as fast as I can say, pontification, monetization, (INAUDIBLE), and a bunch of other zations -- and if you buy my book I'll clear for now just check it out. If you disagree me your white racist, and I'll have you strike down because I usually show up at all-star games in Arizona trying to bump tickets off stupid Tyrus, and it didn't go down.

Your podcast was late. You weren't supposed to be in there. This dude is a con artist, they give him he will say anything connected to racism and then a guy -- well, I didn't think that way. I'm very sorry. Hey, you know what, we should fund a book and I'll tell you how to do it. People or people, critical race theory has its place as an adult is critical theory, not children.

GUTFELD: I guess what bugs me is that, that some people believe they have the power of mind reading. Like he knows, he knows what was in Winsome Sears' mind and that she's just a mouth. How does he know what she's thinking? That's what -- that's another part of this accusing people of racism is that they even if there's no evidence of racism, they know, they can see your heart.

TIMPF: Yes. And then Joy Reid just like the way she was shake your head like oh, yes, like, oh, absolutely. As if he wasn't talking about white supremacy by ventriloquist effect.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: You hear that phrase, you're supposed to stop for a second, like, you know, that's stupid when someone says it? And look, it's like, they're basically saying that if you're a black person, you have to think certain things because you are black, or you're a bad person. To me, ah, that sounds racist. To me, I think all people are individuals, regardless of if they're black or white or anything else, and that's racist. Again, again, white supremacy by ventriloquist effect.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And he's going to say that on TV, and she's going to shake her head. Wow. What are we doing here?

GUTFELD: Yes, the other thing you know, Steve, I want to compliment Bill Maher, but I fear that if I compliment him, yes --

HILTON: Yes, you'll ruin it. It'll ruin it.

GUTFELD: I'll just say --

HILTON: Exactly.

GUTFELD: He's terrible. He's terrible.

HILTON: I know he's got to stop saying these kinds of things. It's so offensive to all of us. Like, going on about the vaccine mandates, the mask requirements and pandemic being over. I mean, what is he doing? He's out of control. I think that what's, what's so enraging about this is all last week when you saw them are constantly saying that this is white parents being racist because they don't want their kids talk. Talk about the history of it. It's so insulting.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HILTON: To Pete -- like, and actually there's it's not just we know it's not true. And there's actually evidence it's not true. There was a poll done just now asking parents across the country, and like the overwhelming majority of parents across the country, white parents saying: Yes, I'm happy for my kids to learn about the history of slavery, the real history to call everyone who objects to this crap -- racist. It's just so outrageous, and then yet again, they're the ones guilty of the exact thing that they accuse everyone else.

GUTFELD: I believe so psychiatrists call it projection but what do I know? I don't need a shrink It's all in here, baby. Up next, we reveal the best age for when your date is most likely to fornicate.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Is it their late 20s that people act like bunnies? A new survey finds that the average person has the most casual hookups of their lifetime at age 27. But people also reported problems in the opposite direction with 43 percent admitting to have left in the middle of a hookup because it wasn't going well. But some of that blame goes to the vague definition of moderate back hair. We caught up with a local stud for comment.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So, Joe, do you agree with this study?

JOE MACHI, COMEDIAN: Greg, let's just say for me the 27 club wasn't the year I died. It was the year I lived. I mean, they say gentlemen don't kiss and tell but I'm no gentlemen, I made love to 107 women that year. I pleasured more women with expensive handbags. There's a lucky lady now she just wanted a trip the pleasure bill.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes. All right. Not much time. Kat, thoughts?

TIMPF: Yes, I don't know because I thought the average age for women to get married is also 27. I think it depends where you live. Like in New York, if you get married at 27, you're like a child bride, right? Like, I'm 33, I just got married. If I lived in the Midwest, I should have three kids and tide tubes by now.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: It depends where you live.

GUTFELD: That's true. What do you think, Steve?

HILTON: So, this whole story just like, it just made me feel incredibly old like this whole meaning of hookup has just passed me by. When I see the word hookup, I literally think of our R.V. trips where you can like plug it into the electricity and dump the sewage and it just made me think about all that you know, being backed up again, you know, I'm afraid we're back to poo jokes.

GUTFELD: Oh, no poop jokes. Tyrus. Thoughts?

TYRUS: You know, a man's body is a temple and I find it the course and vulgar to talk about how many kinds of conquests that the word they're using? Disgusting.

TIMPF: No, you used that word just now.

TYRUS: You know, I never partake. I mean, I've done it four times, I have four children. That's where I'm at.

GUTFELD: That's where you're at.

TYRUS: There will not be a fifth.

GUTFELD: There will not a fifth. Pete, you have how many kids? Nine?

HEGSETH: Seven. Yes.

GUTFELD: Thoughts?

HEGSETH: I would rather not comment.

GUTFELD: And that is how we end the e-block. Don't go away. We'll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Thanks to Pete Hegseth, Steve Hilton, Kat Timpf, Tyrus, and our studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with evil Shannon Bream is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld and I love you America.

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