'Gutfeld!' on the problems with New York City

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Gutfeld: Why New York is horrible and stupid

'Gutfeld!' in Nashville: Greg and the panel sound off on the state of New York, claim the Music City is superior

This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," September 27, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST (on camera): Hello, Nashville! We are at the Listening Room in Nashville. We're here all week. And boy is it great to see you?

After spending so many years in New York City, coming here is like taking a warm sudsy bath after living in Joy Behar's armpit. Believe me, if I could move here, I'd already be here. Which means it's time for --

ANNOUNCER: "GUTFELD! PRESENTS:" Why New York is horrible and stupid and we need to get the hell out of here as soon as possible. Please help."

Seriously, please help us

GUTFELD: Apparently, no matter what befalls the Big Apple, NYC remains the media capital of the world. It's weird. It's like declaring Afghanistan the best place to open a gay-friendly bed in breakfast. I've tried.

Sure, in New York City, you could be pushed in front of a subway train by a guy wearing nothing but a smile and a hospital bracelet. But really, the Broadway shows are to die for.

Nothing makes you forget about your grandma getting mugged for her false teeth than a matinee showing of Hello, Dolly!

Have you tried our New York famous bagels? Try a local deli. Just follow the police chalk outlines on the sidewalk. And be sure to step over the body is to get to it. The good news is every homicide comes with a free pickle and a bag of chips.

So, I want to get out in New York, but I have to convince more than my wife. You know, there's my mistress and her kids. Three separate states. But also I have to convince Fox. How do I do that without threatening to go public with those pictures of Steve Doocy like you've never seen him before? They are disgusting. We can only show you the upper half.

We know that the bosses are watching this show right now. That's because people haven't seen a hit this big since the last video of Hunter Biden puffing on his crack pipe.

Thoughts and prayers. So, maybe I should compare and contrast both cities. Today, we went all over Nashville and looked at what makes a good city? Real estate, civility, cleanliness of the massage parlors.

They love -- they love their massage parlors. So does Brian Kilmeade. I kid, you thinks a happy ending is when someone makes it to the end of one of his books.

So, here goes the comparisons. First, let's check out Nashville's food. How great is this look? I love the barbecue here. It's so good. It has PETA asking for seconds.

Now, let's show New York City. Yes. That is a rat enjoying a slice of pizza. Yes. When we -- when we get a pizza with everything on it, we mean it.

So, how about fashion all over Nashville? Great, great looks. Hats, boots. Now, may not be your cup of tea. But who doesn't want to see Tyrus in Chaps and a Polo Tie? Yes.

Yes, we do -- we do love our cowboys except for Kat. She thinks high noon, it means her lunchtime bong hits.

KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR (on camera): Yes.

GUTFELD: OK, so we see Nashville.

TIMPF: OK.

GUTFELD: Here is new NYC fashion.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I'm a (INAUDIBLE) grow up to being a kid. How all --

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: One of your old boyfriends?

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes. So, what about real estate? Here is a typical house in Nashville. It's gorgeous. So much space for all your stuff. Well, here is one in Manhattan.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TIMPF: Welcome back. I'm Deb Dimuccio (PH) with Manhattan real estate.

So, this listing right in the heart of Manhattan, open concept, super charming. Right now, it's a 1.5 million asking price.

Oh, tenant is still here. Hi.

JOE DEVITO, WRITER AND COMEDIAN: Hi, you want me to show you around?

TIMPF: That would be fantastic.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: There is no bathroom. Yes.

GUTFELD: There is no bathroom. You don't need a bathroom.

So, you always hear about southern hospitality. Well, here is Nashville.

Pretty good. Pretty good. Pretty good. All right, stop.

Here is NYC.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, oh. Oh my -- I'm still waiting for my pizza pie.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You're not getting it.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Still waiting for his pizza. I can't blame them for being mad. They thought they had tickets to see a comedy show. Turns out it was for Jimmy Kimmel.

You know, if you watch closely, he'll start crying. So, what about entertainment? Well, here is Nashville. You can walk into any bar and you've got incredibly talented local bands, kicking some major ass.

Meanwhile, here is NYC.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Look, it's good to see Chris Cuomo is moonlighting. Poor guy.

Anyway, so, I think we know who won this contest here. But the other problem with New York City, it's full of people who never leave New York City. And if they do leave, and there isn't two shrinks per block, they come apart faster than Biden's teeth on a cup of corn.

They know everything about vegan sushi, but nothing about the world. For example, did you believe that photo of border patrol agents going around on horses with riding cops whipping people?

AMERICAN CROUD: No!

GUTFELD: You did because you are normal. You're not Joy Reid. But in New York City where every person is either homeless are one sexually harassed by a Cuomo or sometimes both. These people are as gullible and stupid as the studio audience for "The View".

So, apparently, the media thought that these were whips. I understand. The only time New Yorkers see actual whips are at their S&N sessions with their dominatrix. That's where I met John Rich.

He still owes me 40 bucks. It's worth every penny though, right?

JOHN RICH, AMERICAN SINGER-SONGWRITER: I know it.

GUTFELD: But it's always like liberals to see things that aren't there. I wonder what else they think are whips.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANNOUNCER: Whips. Whips, Whips. Whips. Whips. Whips. Whips. Oranges.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oranges.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So, we have a hellish problem on the border and the dope for Delaware had only one solution. Let's ban horses, which raises a question, has this guy created even one job? He's even spiked unemployment among horses.

People like to joke about how stupid everyone else is down south or up north or in flyover country, but the moment they step outside their liberal bubble, it's like watching Tyrus wear khakis.

Meanwhile --

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR (on camera): That's what the -- no, no. Hell, no. Hold on.

GUTFELD: But I'm almost done. I'm almost done.

TYRUS: Voluntary work, happy?

GUTFELD: You can come after me. So, the rest of America brims with common sense. It's the kind that tells you, no, they're not whipping them. They're trying to control the horse on unstable terrain.

You don't have to be the lone ranger to figure that out. So, that's why we want to leave. We'd be happy here. But don't you people get a swelled head. We already have one of those. We call him, Jesse. Don't clap for him.

ANNOUNCER: Period!

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guest. He's so southern, his blood type is sweet tea. Hey, AOC. Good luck taxing this Rich. Country music star, host of "THE PURSUIT" at Fox Business, John Rich.

She still haunts Jim Acosta's dreams and nightmares, former White House press secretary, co-host of "OUTNUMBERED", Kayleigh McEnany.

GUTFELD: She is like a $100 bill, valuable but covered of cocaine. Fox News contributor Kat.

And his 10-gallon hat actually holds 40 gallons. My massive side-kick and the NWA World Television Champion Tyrus.

You know, John, we were talking before you live here. Is that one reason not to move here?

TIMPF: Yes.

RICH: (INAUDIBLE).

GUTFELD: Every time I go to Nashville, you tried to get me a shoot guns.

RICH: That's right. I asked you, you know, you're here all week. If you have a couple of hours off, we should go shoot guns, because we actually still have a second amendment that's a lot of bill in this town.

So, yes. If you want to go -- if you want to go shoot some guns, you want to go fish, you want to go listen to some country music, ride a four- wheeler, eat a bunch of barbecue --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: That's my Wednesday.

RICH: I would any -- I don't see how anybody --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Yes.

RICH: I don't see how anybody still lives in New York and doesn't move somewhere else, just to your point.

GUTFELD: Do you, you come to New York. Is there -- there's got to be something redeeming there.

RICH: I mean, listen, I used to love going to New York. I was actually at Ground Zero yesterday, playing a concert for like tunnels to towers. Thousands of people down there.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes!

RICH: And listen, there's a lot of great people in New York. The people in New York, there's all these great people, but it was a different vibe, man. I've never seen that when I was driving down. It'd been about a year. The cops, they look on edge, the air feels different down there.

I'm like, man, I always love New York more than L.A., always.

GUTFELD: Yes.

RICH: Because the people there -- even the cowboy at --

GUTFELD: Oh, Kat's like saying that the -- comparing anything to L.A.

RICH: Oh, that's true.

GUTFELD: I like psoriasis more than ever.

RICH: Well, that's true. But it was just definitely a different vibe, man.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. It's changed. It's sad, Kayleigh. Kayleigh, you might be one of the few people on the planet that just moved to New York -- to New York.

KAYLEIGH MCENANY, FOX NEWS ANALYST (on camera): I'm the only crazy person who -- hey, I still live in the freedom-loving State of Florida, but sadly, I have to spend a lot of days in what we call the death trap, my husband, who used to play for the New York Mets. He loves the Mets, but the deathtrap of New York City, he cannot speak for it.

GUTFELD: New York Mets. So, they any good? That's baseball, right, Tyrus?

TYRUS: I'm still stuck on Utah, and by me wearing khakis. What's the problem?

GUTFELD: I'm said --

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: Have you -- hold on, have you ever worn khakis? Has anyone ever seen you a low pair of khaki?

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: I have what -- I've been seen in a -- wear of -- you know, in a pair of khakis.

TYRUS: Where? On this show?

GUTFELD: Not, not, recently, no.

TYRUS: OK, OK. Go ahead. You get running out of stuff to talk about. I choose to dress this way. This is a fancy for you.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: That's what I'm saying. I chose -- yes, to be like you can't --

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: Khaki don't work on my skin tone. People would think I would didn't have pants on. They'd be like -- the same tone, why would you wear the same tone?

GUTFELD: So, always has to be about race, doesn't it?

TYRUS: You went there, talking about I want to see him in khakis.

GUTFELD: Well, it's because I couldn't -- I just can't -- you can't pull off khakis.

TIMPF: Why?

TYRUS: I can't pull? I could take -- I put my leg -- one leg on my shoe. I could take pull off some khakis. But you know what? Next time you show up in khakis, I'll pull them off. How about that?

GUTFELD: This was all an elaborate plan for him to say that.

RICH: Would you remember the night you called me drunk at Geraldo's house? And you said, John, please come pick me up. I showed up, you were wearing khakis.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh.

RICH: I did see him once in Geraldo's house.

GUTFELD: (INAUDIBLE) smile.

So, Kat, how you doing?

TIMPF: You know, I -- I'm OK. But I do have to leave New York, right? You hear my voice? Kayleigh give it a few years to do sound just like me.

MCENANY: Hey --

TIMPF: I am -- I am 32 years old. I am rapidly ageing in that city. It's destroying me. It destroys all of us. I need to move. Maybe here. Let's now (INAUDIBLE).

GUTFELD: Yes! All right, come on.

MCENANY: I will say, if I could, I came up from Florida for the first time in New York for about few years.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: Which is why still sound healthy. Yes.

MCENANY: Within an hour a rat scurried across by feet. There is a domestic violence dispute in my hallway and there was a man peeing on the side of the road. That's a normal in New York.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: Just one man?

MCENANY: Just one.

TIMPF: Good day!

GUTFELD: I dream for days like that.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: All right, we got to move on. Enough New York City bashing. I still like New York. But see, as long as Fox is still there --

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes.

GUTFELD: See this? Do you have to understand? Listen to our monologue wasn't for anybody at home. This was -- this was just targeted at my boss. And then, they're going to look at the ratings to go, maybe he's got a point.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes.

GUTFELD: Anyway, I should shut up now. I still have a job.

Nashville, we are still getting started. Just getting started.

Up next, Kamala get the help she needs as her popularity recedes.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Can they resurrect Kamala and avoid any more trauma law? Anything for a rhyme? Yes, Kamala is working up a sweat because our careers in the toilets.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh.

GUTFELD: Vice President Kamala Harris is failing so miserably. She hopes two new senior advisors will be able to lend her a helping hand, and not the kind you get from the Cuomo brothers.

Between her fits of laughter in the border mess that she avoids the way Don Lemon avoids thinking, they'll have their work cut out for him. One of the new helpers is the brother-in-law, if everyone's favorite, White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki.

Kayleigh, just kidding.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: You're our favorite.

MCENANY: Thank you.

RICH: Yes!

GUTFELD: Well, until --

RICH: Yes!

GUTFELD: Until -- she is our favorite until Dana Perino is on this Friday, I think she's our favorite.

But back to cam, and why her rising star is on the lam, Vanilla Ice has a brighter future. And you guys don't even know who he is. The Dems in such high hopes for her, but she's disappointed them more than Brian Stelter's let down Jenny Craig. But nothing can keep her spirit down. Right, cam?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ELLEN DEGENERES, HOST, THE ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW, NBC: Wow. OK. All right, well, all right. (INAUDIBLE). Yes.

No. Like, what do you want to know?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Well, I want to give you -- I want to give you the --

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: You know, I'm sorry, but her laugh is like a smooth glass of fresh milk -- If you are lactose intolerant and you end up with explosive diarrhea, which is what our laugh is like, in many ways. Kayleigh, your expertise, why is she failing so badly? Any advice?

MCENANY: May I circle back?

GUTFELD: Yes, oh.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh.

GUTFELD: How about that?

MCENANY: No, I have an answer.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MCENANY: I don't circle back. I have an answer. She's failing so badly because this woman doesn't know how to communicate.

GUTFELD: Right?

MCENANY: She has hire people who are professionals in strategic communications. But nothing she does is strategic. Afghans are falling from planes, she's laughing. The borders on fire, she's laughing.

This woman will never be the next president of the United States. Mark my words, you can roll back the tape if I'm wrong.

GUTFELD: All right, and we will.

What about you Kat? Do you have advice for this woman? She's in a lot of trouble and you love to help troubled women.

She is. You should see her account on Tinder.

TIMPF: Yes. I -- yes. Well, I'm not any -- I am married now.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: It's been about five months. So, you can -- you can, you know, (INAUDIBLE) remember that.

GUTFELD: You beat my -- you beat -- you beat my estimate by two months.

TIMPF: I know. Still going strong. So, I guess this guy, he's going to be doing organizational developments. Now, what is that? I have no idea. I know what those two words mean. I guess it's a communications thing.

But I know she hired two communications people. I think what she should like could do is maybe hire people that are going to help her do a better job, rather than just focusing on hiring people who are made to get help convince people that she's doing a better job than she is doing.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: Doing well for this country should mean more than, you know, how she looks in her image.

GUTFELD: Yes, she's hiring crisis management because she's the crisis.

TIMPF: Yes, exactly.

GUTFELD: Tyrus, should she start wearing khakis?

TYRUS: Yes. I'm trying to, you know, I'm trying to think of a point in my life when someone came up to me and said, I know someone who can help you. It's my brother in law. And it ended up being a good thing.

If even the articles like Psaki's brother in law.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Yes, that's it.

TYRUS: You're going to hire someone for the administration that you're working with that is already failing miserably, which tells me that you doing this on purpose?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: How can I make them hate me more?

GUTFELD: Right.

TYRUS: Let me get Psaki's brother-in-law.

TIMPF: Yes.

TYRUS: To come up and tell me how to do any of the jobs that I don't really want to do in the first place.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Because we -- is a matter of perception. We were looking at wrong, but I thought we kind of got a sneak peek when she was running on her own. And America said --

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: Right.

TYRUS: Oh, no.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: So, they put her with Biden, I guess, that was going to change things. And then when she got in the White House, America still said, no. So, does she need to hire new people? Or does she need to look in the mirror and be like, it's time for us to get some things straight? She's got to come to, you know, she is -- she is figuring out here.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: Like the Tinder profile is like that. When someone's like, oh, yes, you need to help me with my profile. Make it look better. So, people is like, no, but it's you.

GUTFELD: Yes. It's too late.

John, I have -- I want to tell you my advice.

RICH: OK.

GUTFELD: And then you can tell me your advice.

My advice, you know where you can -- you can buy these shock bracelets?

TIMPF: No, no.

GUTFELD: So, every time -- every time like she has the urge to giggle like a 13-year-old girl meeting Justin Bieber, just gives her a mild zap on the wrist. Just to kind of -- because like, people do this with all their bad habits. I wore -- I used to wear one when I was a child on my left wrist, which was kind of funny because I was right-handed.

It really -- it really -- it really --

(CROSSTALK)

RICH: Yes, we don't mess up you personal --

GUTFELD: It really didn't work.

RICH: Right.

GUTFELD: I still didn't beat the habit.

John, you said at the break that you have something good to say that could help her.

RICH: Well, I don't know that it helps her, but you know, everybody's cracking on or not, you know, there's got to be a positive here somewhere, right? Got to be a positive. So, I thought you know what? I've had the same cell phone number Greg since 1999. The same number, I've never changed it.

What's that means there's a lot of people that call me from time to time. I don't want to hear from anymore.

GUTFELD: Right.

RICH: Like they're obnoxious. I'm like, oh God, this is somebody I met like 15 years ago. So, I decide --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Talking about --

RICH: I decided to make a ring tone with Kamala's -- I want you to hear my ring tone.

GUTFELD: Yes.

RICH: And I've assigned this ringtone to every single person in my phone that I do not want to answer a phone call. Would you like to hear it?

GUTFELD: All right.

RICH: It sounds -- it sounds like this.

GUTFELD: Let's see. Please work.

OK. So, if I hear that sound go off, I go, I am not answering that call. (INAUDIBLE). Thank you, Kamala. Thank you.

GUTFELD: She needs to -- you know what you need to do? We got to move on, but she needs to seek out the root causes of why she's so incompetent.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes, amen.

GUTFELD: That's what she's got to do.

All right, up next, survivor votes down a masculine now.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: The tribe voted down the gender pronoun. But can he claim immunity from the gender-obsessed community? I speak of "Survivor" host Jeff Probst, or Probst, who cares?

For 20 years of the show he's invited contestants to gather around his signature phrase which is "come on in guys," which is also what the sign says about Kevin Spacey's jacuzzi. I made that mistake too many times, but on the season premiere the new season, Probst, had second thoughts over the word guys.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JEFF PROBST, REALITY SHOW HOST: Love saying it, it's part of the show but I too want to be of the moment. So, my question to you to decide for us in the context of Survivor, is a word like guys OK, or is it time to retire that word?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I personally think guys is OK. I, as a woman, as a queer woman do not feel excluded by guys.

PROBST: Yes, does anybody disagree?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: No.

PROBST: We feel OK keeping guys.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Guys is good.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: That was close. Now, they can focus on more important matters like not getting worms in their butt. That's why I never do any reality shows in the wild. I don't want anything coming home inside me unless I asked for it. But that is until one contestant had some deep thoughts before deciding it should go.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I don't agree that we should use word "guys." I fully agree that we should change it whether it just be dropping the guys changing it to something else. I just don't really agree with it.

PROBST: The reality is Survivor has changed over the last 21 years and those changes have allowed all of us all of these brown people, black people, Asian people, so many queer people to be here simultaneously. I'm with you. I want to change I'm glad that was the last time I will ever say it and realizing in this moment somebody right now is on social media saying oh he came.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Oh, yes, Jeff because that's exactly what happens.

Next, why don't you ask the contestants what they think of a white guy that's in charge of tribes?

And with that, the word guys is now gone from the show that I forgot was still on.

Anyway, you guys might not remember this but I was actually on Survivor in season one. I was eliminated after I lost the monkey challenge.

I always told those little critters only inside, not outside.

All right. Tyrus, you know what I love about this story.

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: I'd love to know because I don't love anything about it.

GUTFELD: So, this is a show where people fight to survive in the physical, what do you call it, the physical ailments? No. The physical --

TYRUS: Realm.

GUTFELD: Realm. Element.

TYRUS: The outdoors.

GUTFELD: I love the elements. The outdoors. So, they got it. They're supposed to kill for food, find stuff to make cuts, but the real threat, guys. So, it is, it goes totally against Survivor. So, if you want to scare these people just go: Hey, guys. Freaks. They're all messed up in the head, Tyrus?

TYRUS: Yes, I'm trying to think how I can word this without.

But I just don't care, OK. To two things.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: I was always told when you did something wrong to plead down to a lesser offense. So, if you got caught cheating, you remind merely the job interview that went long. So, what I'm going to say is that he's done something.

GUTFELD: Right.

TYRUS: And yes, they said, you got to figure this out. And he's like, I got to get ahead of this. So, what do you got? We're going to get rid of guys.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: And they were like, we still have a dead. That's brilliant. Oh, yes, yes, because nothing is more offensive. When you walk into a room, I can tell you right now, if I was in this bar, and I ordered a drink and the guy said, hey, the guy wants a beer, I would tear this place apart.

I cannot tell you how many times the word guy has affected my life and my opportunities for growth, and my dreams of being an astronaut was shattered. Because he was like, this guy's not going to fit in the mask. There's that damn guy again. I am not a guy. I'm a human being man and I will be respected and you will not call me guy. You will call me everyone.

GUTFELD: There you go. Everyone.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: I'm a guy. I'm a guy.

GUTFELD: Yes, you are definitely a guy.

TYRUS: But I'm not. Don't be guy-ing me around. The G-word don't play in my house.

GUTFELD: John, I think that Tyrus is correct. I think, also, he saw what was that what happened to the dude on "The Bachelor." He's like going I'm going to get ahead of this, I will roll over before they asked me to roll over.

JOHN RICH, COUNTRY MUSIC STAR: Yes, it's possible that he's that smart. Possible. I mean, listen got anybody in Nashville knows there's a really easy way to fix this, all you had to do was say come on in y'all.

GUTFELD: Yes.

RICH: That's all you have to say. Problem's solved.

GUTFELD: What is y'all short for?

RICH: You all.

GUTFELD: Just want to make sure that Kat heard that.

TIMPF: Thank you.

GUFTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Thank you. So unlike you to throw me under the bus.

GUTFELD: We all did. What -- is this, do you think that this is to preempt something else? By the way? Can we just agree when we look at everybody on Survivor, you don't need any pronouns; they all look like idiots.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Right. It's depressing. When you go like, oh my god, what's happening in reality contestants these days? Are we running out of them?

TIMPF: Yes, I haven't seen the show. It wasn't until I saw this story that I realized it was still on. So, congrats.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: But you notice of course, he asked everyone and none of the women were mad about it.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: So, then a guy is like three days later, I'm upset. Yes. But then he said, I'm with you. I love this. I'm glad this the last time I'll ever say this. And it just felt really overproduced to me.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: I -- it had a real you know Chris Cuomo emerging from the basement vibe to it.

GUTFELD: You're right. It was -- it was definitely set up.

TIMPF: Yes, they were like listen, you guys were supposed to be upset.

GUTFELD: Yes, and now, they now they got their way. What do you make of this? Kayleigh?

KAYLEIGH MCENANY, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Yes, I was talking to my dad. And in the spirit of being in the south, he said we should just change it to come on hos and hospices. I guess that's his language. So, we can go with that or we can say let's not worry about Survivor saying "Come on in guys." Let's worry about a certain old stale commander in chief who says, Come on, man a little too much.

GUTFELD: You know, it's a great idea. I just came up with an idea for reality show where you have people together and you posit these kinds of like woke things, and they lose every time they agree to a woke idea than the last person --

TIMPF: We call it normal people.

GUTFELD: Yes. Excellent. All right. Coming up. Her boyfriend couldn't hang out yet, so instead, she called in a bomb threat.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: And now, it's time for "TONIGHT'S ROMANTIC STORY." She called in a blast to make her love last. If time apart is corrosive, then try calling in and explosive. A 33-year-old man, woman, aren't they all? Allegedly made to bomb threats to her boyfriend's work so she could spend more time with him.

It's a little strange and concerning that it took more than one. It's like they had, they had a bomb threat. No, we'll wait for the second one. Puritan Medical Products actually had to close because of the threats. Cops were able to trace the call so the woman who admitted to making them but said she didn't have any bombs. Turns out she was all talk. Just like a woman. Am I right? Is something -- that's something is sexist would say? Not me. She was charged with felony terrorizing and lying. We actually have her on the show. We go to her for comment. Why did you do it?

TIMPF: Look, I didn't do it, I obviously didn't do it. That a joke. But what's not a joke is I did think about it. I'm traveling alone for like the first time in a while without my husband, and I used to pride myself on being like a strong, independent woman. But that's just because I didn't know any better. It's way better this way.

Today, I had to make my own coffee. Before you say that's not hard. I did it wrong. I did it wrong. I'd wait very, very hot, brown-ish water. And I thought that I didn't drink at all because I was like, OK, that's to get all the caffeine. So, yes, I understand, you know, when they work, they can't pay attention to you.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And I deserve a lot of credit for never calling in a bomb threat. Not even a one slip off.

GUTFELD: True. Kayleigh, I happen to find this to be an incredibly romantic story. You know, I -- the most romantic thing I do is I leave the room to break wind. I'm a Casanova. What about you, Kayleigh, romantic, not romantic?

MCENANY: Let me just say your romantic story time, Greg. You should fill in for Delilah. I mean, I think you could do it, that was so melodic and poetic. Thank you just wow. But no, this woman in all seriousness, get a pet: a dog, a cat and emotional support something, instead of calling in bomb threats time after time.

GUTFELD: I don't know John, have you ever thought about it? Remember when you were in school? Remember if like, I don't know, what year, in the 1950s? And you didn't study for the class. And that was when the idea of a bomb threat always made sense. And it's always in your back pocket? Like, I could always do this, you know, and you never really thought about it.

RICH: Yes, my fourth year of eighth grade, I definitely thought about doing that. Almost did it. No, but I'm looking at this gal and I'm going, OK, anybody that wants her man so bad that she's going to send in a bomb threat, I would go home and see what's waiting. I mean, this is going to count, this is going to count when you get home, right?

GUTFELD: So, what you're saying is you're bomb curious? I don't even know what that means. Is that, you know Tyrus, if this guy goes back to work, do you think any of his co-workers are going to let him forget it?

TYRUS: They already know. This story isn't about her crazy ass. It's about the poor man, the poor bastard who couldn't even get away from her and go to work. He finally gets in his car, I just got to get to work. And then, and then his boy calls him and says, someone just called in a bomb threat. He's going, I know who it is. Then he's got to go home. Then walk in the door and she was like, now we can spend more time together.

And as he plots killing her, and trying to find a way to get rid of the body, like how do I get rid of this woman, and still make it to work and still be convenient? So, they tried to leave again, because he decided not to killer. He escapes out the back. He's driving and what does she do? She calls in another bomb threat. So, he's got to home again. This is the tragic story of when the only way out is murder. You can't, so you got to go to work. So, I've heard.

GUTFELD: I think -- yes.

TIMPF: We'll talk later. So, we'll talk later.

GUTFELD: Two bomb threats. All right, up next: he's funny and never tacky. Stick around for Joe Machi.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: So, this is part of the show where we usually do some fun story and I end up making some weird reference that creeps out my family. But frankly, I'm hung over from my first night in Nashville, and it's a miracle that I've made it this far. But one of the best things about this show is discovering great new young talent and watching them take off. But then there's this guy, please welcome comedian Joe Machi.

JOE MACHI, COMEDIAN: Hey, everybody. Wow! Wow! It is great. I'm sorry? It is great to be here with all the bachelorettes.

Hey, it is weird times we're living in now, gang. Politicians keep saying we're all in this together. But then they're the only ones that don't have to follow the lockdown rules. I don't think it's right to say the word "we" when it doesn't include everyone. It reminds me back when they killed Osama bin Laden.

People kept coming up to me in Times Square saying we got Bin Laden. We got Bin Laden. And I'm like, honestly, guys, I had nothing to do with any of that. I found out later, I was not on SEAL Team Six. In fact, I don't think I would meet any of their requirements. Unless they're looking for a slow runner that pees when he's afraid.

I think the only thing I'll miss after COVID is finally behind us is going into a business and seeing a note that tells me they clean something that I've assumed my entire life they'd always clean. I don't think I'm going back to that diner. They brag about washing forks.

Mental, mental illnesses come to the forefront during the lockdowns. A friend confide to a buddy of myself that he was feeling kind of depressed. So, my, my buddy blurted out, why don't you just try to be happier? And I said that's pretty bad. You just told the person with mental illness uses brain to not have mental illness. That was the whole problem area to start.

That's like telling a person with Schizophrenia why you just try to see the people that are there? That's not fair. That's the thing they're the worst at. I don't even like it when they call them paranoid schizophrenics because if you don't know if the guy behind you is real. I say you've earned the right to be paranoid.

I've cheered myself up recently. I, I know it's not ethical, but I hooked up an electric motor to my peloton. My physical health not improving, but my mental health is doing great. Now, that I beat all those exercise nerds while I'm eating a sandwich. Yes, the things have been going rough these past 18 months or so. It was March 16th, 2020. And they said don't leave your place unless it's an emergency.

That afternoon I saw a mouse so I, I purchased some glue traps. I like to spend the next couple of minutes explaining why those are a terrible idea. Because here's what will happen when they work. A mouse will walk over the glue trap and become permanently stuck, then that's it. There's not even any poison on that glue trap, which to me seems like a glaring oversight by the manufacturer.

Now, you're left with a situation where a mouse is permanently stuck to cardboard in your kitchen. And he's alive. That creates its own dilemma. Now, I have to decide whether or not I'm going to execute that mouse like some sort of young would-be serial killer or do I have to start feeding that guy? So, I've been feeding them and it's stunning turn of events, I'm feeding the mouse I was just trying to kill. I've been giving him mostly simple sugars so he'll get diabetes sooner or later. Hey, thank you guys so much. I really appreciate it. Thank you everybody. Thank you.

GUTFELD: Machi. Thank you, Joe. We shall be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: We are out of time. Set your DVRs every night so you never miss an episode. Thanks to Kayleigh McEnany, John Rich, Tyrus, Joe Machi, our Nashville audience. We are here all week. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with evil Shannon Bream is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America.

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