Gutfeld on the politics of late night comedy

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Gutfeld on the politics of late night comedy

Biden gets a pass from late-night hosts while Trump takes brunt of the jokes

Oct. 20, 2020 – This is a rush transcript from “The Five” October 20, 2020. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

JESSE WATTERS, FOX NEWS HOST:  Hello, everybody. I am Jesse Watters, along with Emily Compagno, Juan Williams, Dana Perino, and Greg Gutfeld. It is

5:00 in New York City, and this is THE FIVE. It's a fight to the finish with the election just two weeks away. President Trump is continuing to campaign like crazy. He's holding another rally in the key battleground of Pennsylvania later tonight.

While Sleepy Joe Biden is taking a much different approach, the former VP is off the trail again today to prepare for Thursday's debate. It comes as Democrats worry they could be heading for a 2016 repeat. Early voting continues to surge. Over 35 million Americans have cast ballots so far, and President Trump says Republicans are in a strong position in some very key swing states.

As for Thursday's big debate, the commission making a controversial last- minute change by introducing a mute button, here is President Trump sounding off on it all.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DONALD TRUMP, UNITED STATES PRESIDENT:  Things are just going very well. I think he's imploding. He's gone into hiding. He's done the lid again. He's set up for a long time. And things are changing fast, and the numbers at the polls are looking really good, really, really good. And they said if you let him talk, he loses chain of thought because he is gonzo.

And I understand that. But I also understand that as he is going down the line and issuing lies, you know, generally, it's OK to, you know, really attack that.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS:  All right. Dana Perino, they've introduced a mute button. Just so everybody knows, there is going to be a moment where they can just speak without the mute button. But most of it, they will be muted at the discretion of --

(CROSSTALK)

DANA PERINO, FOX NEWS HOST:  It's just for the opening two-minute statement.

JESSE WATTERS, FOX NEWS HOST:  No, in each segment.

PERINO:  in each segment. Right, so there are six topics, I guess. So at the beginning of each topic, each person -- each candidate will get two minutes --

WATTERS:  And then they un-mute it.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO:  I actually think that this plays to both of their strengths. And I think it also helps the American people to be able to hear, because we know the crosstalk was difficult for people to actually even understand. And I think people will be even more likely to tune in this Thursday, knowing that they will be actually given a chance to hear some things. And so I think that plays to their strengths.

WATTERS:  The president is in Pennsylvania later tonight, Erie, Pennsylvania, where polls are tightening. He has cut Biden's lead in half in Pennsylvania from six points to three points. Tell us your thoughts about the president's busy campaign schedule, Emily.

EMILY COMPAGNO, FOX NEWS HOST:  All right. So first of all, in that county specifically, we know that he was the last Republican to win it since Reagan. We know that he won Pennsylvania in 2016 by 44,000 votes, but he still got 11,000 more votes in that county then Romney in 2012, so just that goes to show how important that part of the state is to his state-wide victory.

And then a quick note about the polls nationally, we often talk about whether the results can be trusted. But I think the trends themselves are really important. Incredible polls today came out and had them within two points of Biden nationally. Those same polls a month ago had Biden ahead by six points, so it shows just how tightening the race has become.

WATTERS:  Yeah. The IBD poll, that was a good poll for the president. And the New York Times poll came out today, D plus nine. And they say it's the last poll they're going to do before the election. Juan, we have not found an example in modern presidential history where one of the nominees takes four straight days off in October. Why does he need four days to prepare for a debate?

WILLIAMS:  Wait a second. Wait a second. I do believe he's doing pretty well, right? And it seems to me that if I was running his campaign, I would say, gee, that Trump guy, he seems to just go out there and say things and make it all about himself, so let him keep doing what he's doing.

WATTERS:  So you think taking four days off is good?

WILLIAMS:  I don't think he is taking them off. I think he is preparing for the debate. I think he just did an interview with 60 Minutes. I don't think he's taking it off. But you know what, you know what, I think you hit on something that -- we said this yesterday, Jesse. I am nervous, because I think the only real poll is Election Day.

But I must say that among political people who I chat up, there's this thought that what is Trump doing? Why is he doing what he's doing? I mean, people say he is attacking Fauci, who is very popular. He's attacking the debate moderator. He's attacking the debate topics. He says he doesn't like the debate topics. Then it's not only that, then he goes after Hunter Biden.

None of this it seems is going to move the needle or says to people this is really important to me and my family. I mean, Frank Luntz today came out and said you know this is political malpractice.

WATTERS:  He predicted Hillary was going to win in 20 --

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS:  No. But I'm saying why isn't he talking about the virus? Why isn't he talking about the economy? Why -- even the rallies, people say you know what. I don't think the rallies are so great. They are super-spreader events.

WATTERS:  Well, you haven't watched the rallies. He talks about the economy quite a bit. Similar to the way he closed in 2016, he was going after the RNC. He was going after the media. He was going after corrupt Hillary, and that turned out you remember how.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST:  Everything that everybody that Juan has just said and resided six or seven things. You could've said in 2016. And he proved that his strategy, in which it seemed like everything he was doing was wrong allowed him to win. So the thing is you can be Frank Luntz and go this is the worst thing I've ever seen, but you didn't win, Frank.

And I was wrong. So it's like I can agree with Juan and go why is he doing this, why is he doing this. But the fact is he usually figures it out and gets it right. The thing that I don't understand is, like, you know, Joe Biden, like, he essentially just drops out like a witness in a mafia trial.

So it's, like, there is a mute button, but it's being run by the Democratic Party.

They are just muting him. And yet, he is still tweeting. Like, if you can tweet, you can then walk around and do stuff, unless it's not him tweeting, could be the Russians. But I just -- you did bring up Hunter Biden, so this is like a real -- you know, 2020 is a contrast in transparency. First, you have a candidate who is barely pretending to be the top of the ticket.

We know it's really about Kamala. Then you have the same candidate that is using a debate. He's using a debate to cover the fact that he's hiding from the public over these damaging emails involving Hiding Biden -- Hunter Biden and of course, the fact that, you know, he was promising 10 percent to the big man, which by the way, you know, it would be great.

Donald Trump should just keep referring to Joe as the big man in the debate. What do you say, big man? Just to see -- just to get him a little -

-

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS:  I'm sure that's going to be coming up in the debate. Dana, and Barack Obama, he's coming out on the campaign trail. Do you think that's going to help him? Because the president always says I wouldn't be here in the Oval Office if it weren't for Barack Obama.

PERINO:  So I wanted to actually -- it's a good question. Maybe you can help a little bit more. And also, Juan, you lived in Philly for a while, right? So that's where President Obama is going. And we know that Philly did not turnout for Hillary Clinton in the way that she needed them to, obviously, because President Trump was able to win.

You know -- and I am curious. Does that change this time around? Will the Democratic voters in Philly turnout for Biden when they wouldn't for Hillary Clinton? And does Barack Obama's appearance there -- I remember in 2016, the last campaign event that Barack Obama did was in Philly.

WATTERS:  And they had some celebrities there, some singers, I think.

PERINO:  Yes. So I don't know. I do think that we have to remind ourselves that 2020 is a different race than 2016. Incumbents usually win. And the economy, that is a little different thing this year. We're dealing with a pandemic. That is different. I also just want to mention one other thing.

The RNC did a $25 million ad buy targeting seniors.

One of things that's we have seen is that seniors have softened on Trump, especially when it comes to COVID. But this ad buy is very interesting and the places where they are targeting it. And they're really focusing in on Medicare for all, which seniors don't want. They are talking about things like government takeover of health care. They don't want that.

And so you see in a place like North Carolina where you have Cal Cunningham, the Democrat's got a sexting scandal going on. Some seniors have started to come back to the Republicans. And can this type of a surgical approach of a targeted ad buy to seniors in North Carolina on this issue, can that be a difference, because that could be a close election in that state.

WILLIAMS:  Yeah. But, you know, Joe Biden is not for Medicare for all. He has a different plan.

GUTFELD:  We don't know what he's for.

WILLIAMS:  No, we do know what he's for.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS:  But an answer to your question about Philly, I think what you're saying was, you know, black voters, are black voters going to turn out in Philly? But I think it's partly also are white suburban women in Montgomery County, which, you know --

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS:  -- huge number of voters. How do they feel? And so far, what you see is big turnout from black voters so far in terms of those early lines that sneak all around, and suburban women are pretty convinced. I'm not sure we are still persuading people at this point. It's about turnout.

WATTERS:  All right. Well, the candidate that has the most enthusiasm and a better ground game usually wins the turnout. Coming up, is there more trouble ahead for Hunter Biden? But President Trump says the DOJ and Bill Barr should do.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

COMPAGNO:  Welcome back, President Trump slamming Hunter Biden after the release of his alleged emails. The president demanding it is time to get to the bottom of what was really going on with Hunter's overseas business dealings. Take a listen.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP:  We've got to get the attorney general to act. He's got to act, and he's got to act fast. He's got to appoint somebody. This is major corruption, and this has to be known about before the election. This is the laptop from hell. They say right in the laptop that, you know, the big man has to get 10 percent. And then in another case, they say 50 percent.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

COMPAGNO:  The president also reeling against Adam Schiff for dismissing the apparent revelations about Hunter Biden as Russian disinformation.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP:  It's just crazy. I saw Schiff -- Shifty Schiff yesterday get up, say this is Russia. I mean, he is a sick man. He is so sick. It is -- we went through two and a half years of that plus. And this guy, he ought to be put away or he ought to be, you know, something should happen with him.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

COMPAGNO:  All right. Juan --

WILLIAMS:  This is so great. You know, on that level, you got to miss him.

It's unbelievable. Who says things like that -- the president of the United States? Wow.

COMPAGNO:  Well, Congress approved articles of impeachment from technically one sentence from one phone call. Do you acknowledge that what's in those emails deserves at least an investigation to get to the bottom of it?

WILLIAMS:  Wait a minute. Wait a minute. First of all, we don't know about the emails, whose emails they are.

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS:  They are Hunter's emails.

(CROSSTALK)

COMPAGNO:  So do you acknowledge it deserves an investigation to get to the bottom of --

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS:  In my thinking, Emily, so he's railing against Adam Schiff, the congressman from California. Why isn't he railing against the FBI? The FBI says Russia is conducting a disinformation campaign 2020, and the FBI has had the laptop since December and they've done nothing. So I guess there's nothing to do. They found nothing. I don't know what.

But they haven't said anything, have they? It's his FBI. So you know, to me it's like Ben Sasse came out, the congressman -- the senator from Nebraska.

And he said you know Trump is really up to his ears in all this corruption, self-dealing. His family has made a business out of the presidency. Why doesn't he rail against --

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS:  This is before he became president.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS:  -- they turn the White House --

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS:  -- the presidency into a profit-making enterprise --

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS:  That's what your fellow Republicans --

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS:  That's not true.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS:  The two sons are going around the globe, Jesse --

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS:  -- the Trump name in the White House.

WATTERS:  No, they are not.

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS:  Here's the thing. The FBI's not going to touch this thing before the election. They screwed up the last election. They're not going to make the same mistake. But we do have those emails with the receipts from Hunter, and the FBI has the laptop so they can't be asked (ph). And the receipts literally say yeah, kickback 10 from the big guy.

So there is a kickback of Chinese money, potentially. There is influence peddling. And he's selling foreign policy for profit. That we know. Now the fact that they have all circled the wagons here, big tech and the media shows that this is a terminal threat to the Biden campaign. This is where all the donor's money went to the Biden's, and now they are worried.

So they're basically acting like communist China in trying to suppress it.

But the more they suppress the story, the more suspicious it is, the more interest this is. This is getting kicked around all over the internet.

People are emailing each other. It's all over talk radio. Seniors are very interested in this story. Everybody knows someone like Hunter.

Everybody knows in a small town. You have a family like this that continues to get rich on their name and they continue to be protected. Remember, Joe Biden from Delaware, the smallest state is run by the DuPont's. It's run by credit card companies and the banks. He's been there for decades. He's been protected. He's been doing their bidding.

Same thing now, who is he getting money from? More billionaires are giving money to him than Donald Trump. He's getting from big tech, Wall Street, Silicon Valley, big pharma. He's totally in control. And they know when they give him the money he's going to open the borders so they get the cheap -- he's going to let the jobs go to China and he's going to give them that corporate welfare.

And that is why Trump's style (ph) is on it. He is on offense now. Biden is on defense, and it's starting -- to Greg, move the needle.

COMPAGNO:  So Dana, to Jesse's point, the Streisand effect, and also what would happen to this if Biden did win the election. In messaging or what should he message, how should he message and will this all deflate?

PERINO:  Well, you know, my instincts as a communications person would be that you would at least want to answer some of these questions, even may be on background before the debate on Thursday night. But it doesn't appear that that's what they are going to do. And, you know, he will have four days to get ready for an answer.

And so I'm assuming that he will have it. And then you'll have the tech companies having to answer to Congress not long after that. And they don't have friends on the Republican or the Democratic side. And the Republicans are going to say we want to be treated fairly. They feel like they are not being treated fairly at all.

And in fact, you know, for example, Joni Ernst of Iowa, she's in a tough re-election battle for the Senate seat there. She -- there was a fake thing that went out that said that the Iowa Farm Bureau had pulled their support from Joni Ernst. It was fake, but it went around and around and around and around before they got it taken down.

And in the correction that the Iowa Farm Bureau put out, it barely has any re-tweets. So I think that conservatives are going to demand some equal treatment by these tech companies. If they can get it, it's going to be a really fascinating debate. That's going to take for a long time. And then when President Trump is asking Bill Barr to act, he's pushing the attorney general.

That doesn't work very well. So I think that Bill Barr probably just doesn't really react to things like that.

(CROSSTALK)

COMPAGNO:  -- seven times around the world before it makes it halfway, right? So Greg, the laptop from hell and Hunter Biden is a vacuum cleaner to his dad's foreign dealings, your thoughts.

GUTFELD:  Well, the other thing missing here, where are the people that keep saying this is worse than Watergate? Where are they? The media went through Kavanaugh's yearbooks, right? They chased down anyone who posted a meme on Twitter that was pro-Trump or mean to CNN. They gave untold oxygen to Scaramucci and Amarosa and Mary Trump.

And yet, they can't be bothered with this story. They can't even shore up the illusion that they might be objective or unbiased. This is a really simple thing for them to do, to follow up. Then you get this letter that is signed by Brennan and Clapper, right? And it's about -- clearly this is Russian disinformation, but we don't have any evidence of that.

They say they don't have any evidence. Just like the three-year Russian disinformation campaign that they thrusted on America since 2016. And so we are listening to these clowns who totally screwed us over once again. And the media just sits on the sidelines and pretends like nothing is happening. That's the problem that we have here.

Why are they doing this? Because they want to influence this election, that's why that letter was put out by Clapper. They're trying to influence the election. The media is trying to influence the election by not covering this because they know it is a big story.

WILLIAMS:  But Greg, reporters have checked it out. They can't verify any of it.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD:  They've never done that before --

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS:  And Bill Barr, remember the Durham report was going to come? The unmasking -- none of this has amounted to any October surprise.

WATTERS:  Juan, so any time the New York Times publishes anything, Fox News has to actually get their hard evidence before we can report on that?

WILLIAMS:  No, you can say the Times --

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS:  But I'm saying that Fox News, the New York Times, every publication including conservative publications have looked --

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS:  -- an email was sent. You have to have the New York Times and Twitter and Facebook take the email itself. Verify it with all their fact- checkers and then --

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS:  I could see you would publish Juan Williams is beating his wife.

You can't say it didn't happen.

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS:  There's no evidence of that.

(CROSSTALK)

COMPAGNO:  All right, guys. Next up, President Trump rails against Joe Biden's economic agenda with his strongest attack yet. Don't miss it.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

WILLIAMS:  Welcome back, with the election just 14 days away, President Trump drawing a big contrast with Joe Biden on the economy. Here's the president.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP:  They want to raise your taxes. I want to lower your taxes, regulations, all of that. But the bottom line, the American dream, the great American dream versus being a socialist hellhole, because they are going to turn us into a socialist nation. We are going to be no different than Venezuela.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WILLIAMS:  And the Wall Street Journal outlining the cost of Biden-nomics, as they call it, based on a study that says Americans would lose $6500 in median household income by 2030. So Greg, I was reading Gerry Seib in the Wall Street Journal this morning, and he said it's not the economy's stupid, because most Americans give President Trump an advantage on that issue but they are not voting in that way. What do you think?

WATTERS:  I haven't voted yet.

GUTFELD:  You know, I'm just impressed how much we've gotten out of that phone call. We got three segments out of a Fox and Friends phone call. OK, to that point, I'm not as worried about the economical economics of a Biden regime as I am about the social consequences. If you listen to the hard left, they are telling you what they are going to do to you.

This -- they are not interested in a difference of opinion anymore. After the election, it's about retribution. Economist, leftist, Robert Rice tweeted that post election. We are going to name every person from officials to executives to supporters who quote, "enabled this catastrophe." What is he implying? It sounds like if you are not part of his group, they are going to hunt you down.

And it leaves a very vague -- just a Democratic -- no, that is -- he calls it the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, so otherwise known as a lynch mob or a witch trial. You can combine the two. That's what I worry about. I mean, I think that we can live through any kind of economic turmoil, as we've seen with COVID, but we have people preaching civil war.

Robert Rice is declaring that we are going to come after you after this election. That is freaking scary.

WILLIAMS:  All right. So Emily, the former vice president says nobody under

$400,000 is going to pay more taxes. I remember when Obama was running. He said nobody under $250,000, so this is like double that.

COMPAGNO:  Well, respectfully, I think part of the issue with the Democratic talking points is that they silo everything economically and they oversimplify, and they fail to recognize or acknowledge at least in their statements that everything is interrelated. So it's not just about consequences. It's also about their proposed regulations too.

So the Congressional Budget Office has estimated that compared to this economy in 2030, right, that there would also be just under five million Americans less in the workforce, that there would be $2.6 trillion less in the GDP in addition to that 6,500 less in the median income.

And I grew up watching my family's businesses get choked by state and federal regulations. I've seen, literally for decades firsthand how regular Americans, the ripple effect, how their businesses struggle because of the tax consequences and the over-regulation, and how it all comes together.

And I think, you know, farmers can be small business owners and middle- class Americans can be employers, and all of these things are interrelated.

So, I think it doesn't do any American who really is trying to vote earnestly with their family's interests best in mind, it doesn't do them any justice to talk about this one point at a time as if it's not related.

Those tax consequences and the regulation are huge.

WILLIAMS: Jesse, a socialist hellhole. Does he think he's running against Bernie Sanders?

WATTERS: Same thing. Bernie is going to run the show in the Senate. Biden is going to sit there and let Kamala do all the dirty work. Juan, he killed the first recovery eight years ago, he'll do it again to this recovery. The guy has never run a business in his whole life. Obama-Biden raised taxes already and the middle class got hoes. They barely got a raise in eight years. Middle-class have gotten an $8,000 raise so far under Trump.

Remember how they promised all those green jobs, all those shovel-ready jobs, those never materialized. Do you remember filling up your gas tank under Obama-Biden $3.50 a gallon? It's been $2.50 under Donald Trump. His green New Deal I think delivers $75,000 additional in taxes to middle-class families. It will be a hellhole. We will all die, we will burn in Hades, and this show will be off the air.

WILLIAMS: Is that right?

WATTERS: Yes.

WILLIAMS: Oh, no.

GUTFELD: We'll be in hell. We'll have THE FIVE in hell.

WILLIAMS: Really?

GUTFELD: It'll be interesting.

WILLIAMS: A socialist hell.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WILLIAMS: We'll have a socialist FIVE. Oh, my God. Dana, one thing strikes me is when they when you look at the polls, Americans do want more spending on infrastructure, more spending on technology that's climate-friendly.

PERINO: No, but if you ask that question, do you want to spend more on X, Y or Z, the answer is always yes. The question is, do you want your taxes to be raised in order to pay for it? And the answer is no. And you have a Democratic ticket that is running on potentially raising your taxes, your health care costs, your energy costs, and making your life much less affordable.

I think what the President said today was a great way to just distill down the closing argument. And he says it in a way that only Donald Trump can say but it was quite memorable. And I think if he could drive up his positives and drive down Biden's negatives -- drive up Biden's negatives on the economy, the President would do himself a world of good going into this last 13 days.

WILLIAMS: 13. Coming up, Democratic governors causing controversy by casting doubt about a future vaccine, next for you on THE FIVE.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

PERINO: Democratic governors causing controversy over the Coronavirus.

Imagine that New York's Andrew Cuomo, he's being accused of undercutting confidence in a vaccine. Watch.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GOV. ANDREW CUOMO (D-NY): My opinion doesn't matter. I don't believe the American people are that confident. You're going to say to the American people now, here's a vaccine, it was new, it was done quickly, but trust this federal administration and their health administration that it's safe.

I think it's going to be a very skeptical American public about taking a vaccine, and it should be.

We're going to put together our own group of doctors and medical experts to review the vaccine. And if they say it's safe, then I'll go to the people of New York and I will say it's safe.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PERINO: And California says it will conduct its own independent review of any Coronavirus vaccine. I think it's shameful, actually. I'm just going to put it right there. It's just shameful to do this to American companies that are working their butts off with men and women who are -- 24/7, seven days a week. They are not taking any breaks to try to get this done. And to undercut it like this, I think is a shame.

COMPAGNO: I agree. The sitting governors are so partisan that they are sounding like anti-vaxxers and willing to risk public health because they hate Trump so much. And by the way, who's going to pay for all of these independent reviews and additions to for example, the California Department of Public Health. That wildfire costs 10 billion alone. They're in $290 billion in debt right now, that state, so it's just going to fall back on the taxpayer shoulders.

PERINO: What about the fact that if Biden and Kamala Harris were to win this election, they would be the beneficiaries of Operation Warp Speed.

GUTFELD: Right, exactly.

PERINO: Then all of a sudden, the vaccine would be great?

GUTFELD: And the whole point of Operation Warp Speed is in the name. It's -

- they're trying to do it fast because this is a novel pandemic. I can't believe how anti-science these people are. I mean, they actually believe -- they believe that Trump is in charge of the vaccine, like he's in there running the trials and recruiting patients. No, this is actually -- there are actually scientists involved in this and they have to aim and putting it through.

The other point I would make about Cuomo is that he's been wrong with almost every facet of this. He's been able to change when you realize this is -- it's wrong and people die. But the fact that this guy, no one should listen to him. And he's writing a book on this, I guess the book on how awesome the Hindenburg was fell through. And he's writing about his -- oh, I'm really good at this pandemic stuff. No one is saying that.

PERINO: And also, he started that that soundbite by saying his opinion doesn't matter.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's true. But I would never say that about this.

WILLIAMS: Juan, there's even reports that President Trump is frustrated with the FDA for not putting it through faster. Shouldn't -- that get back give people comfort and what the FDA is doing and following protocols.

WILLIAMS: Wait a second. Why is he putting pressure on the FDA? We know he put pressure on the CDC.

PERINO: It's not actually pressure. He's like, frustrated with them that they're not moving at faster.

WILLIAMS: Right, that's the point there.

PERINO: No, but they're not moving it faster though, so they are not being affected by it.

WILLIAMS: No, but the point is given that this administration failed in its handling of the Coronavirus, when you see them then putting pressure on the FDA, people are like, well, what's going on. This -- everything has been politicized, and people then lose confidence. I think it's a good point --

GUTFELD: Says the guy who says they failed.

WILLIAMS: Right. They did. This administration failed.

GUTFELD: That's political.

WILLIAMS: Right. But I will -- I think your point is right about the companies. I think that they're trying their best, and they also have liability, potentially. So, they -- but the politics, boy, the administration has politicized the whole thing.

PERINO: Vaccine politics is not fun.

WATTERS: You could also say that administration succeeded in handling the pandemic and saved millions of lives.

WILLIAMS: Oh, yes, really?

WATTERS: Yes. It really depends on whether you look back at the travel ban which Joe Biden was against, so we can play that game all day. I would bet you that a lot of these Democratic governors that are talking trash about the vaccine are going to be first in line to get that vaccine when it comes out.

I'd also bet their portfolios are all lubed up with Pfizer, and Johnson and Johnson, and they're watching those stocks explode, and they'll cash out when the time comes. I don't like the fact that they've told us we've had to stay in our basements and hide until there's a vaccine, and now we're on the cusp of the vaccine, they say no, no, no, just wear a mask. The vaccine can kill you. I don't trust anything the Democrats say about it.

PERINO: For all of our sakes, we should want a vaccine.

WATTERS: Shoot me in the arm with it right now. I'll try it.

PERINO: How profound was that? I'll go with you. Well, get it together.

WATTERS: All right.

PERINO: All right.

WATTERS: You go first.

WILLIAMS: A moment of truth.

PERINO: Coming up, a new study on late night finds plenty of Trump jokes but not many on Joe Biden. Greg's monologue is up next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Diversity as opposed to humor has finally come to late night T.V.

comedy. New research found that 97 percent of all the jokes told about candidates last month by Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Fallon were about Trump, leaving a staggeringly huge three percent told about the other guy whose name escapes them.

You might have seen him on a missing poster on a phone pole. You just called a four-day lid or what Hunter calls a bender. Still, it's good to see three percent of late-night comedy is not in lockstep with the dull media majority, and that they aren't just performing for half their audience and insulting the other half.

Remember when comics took risks? Now, they just take up time pandering to their peers fearful of rejection, providing jokes that 99.9 percent of their fellow entertainers and media allies all embrace. The upside, they need not worry about losing a job, a speech gig, or a party invite. The downside, there is edges of my pillow ad.

But who's complaining this researcher -- research is it new. And not only does this lopsided lockstep leave a lane open for me, you admire others for making their own lane too. Johnny Rotten, for example, the original punk just endorsed Trump. 50 Cent, no conformist himself, did the same thing.

True rebels are people who leave the pack and afraid of the abuse they'll get. Of course, Republicans are always targeted more because late night writers are libs. But what happens if Biden wins and Trump leaves? I guess we'll know that bridge when we come to it. It'll be the one with all the comedy writers jumping off it.

So, Jesse, this is not -- like every four years they -- or maybe two years, they count the number of jokes. They -- it's always the same. But this is -

- the differences more stark now.

WATTERS: You know what Biden said when he heard 50 endorsed the president?

GUTFELD: What?

WATTERS: You're not black? That's what he says, right? I guess he doesn't think 50 is black? No, I honestly think some of these late night comics, deep down they like the president, because you make fun of people that you like. That's why we make fun of you, Greg, because deep down we like you.

GUTFELD: That means so much to me. Dana, I'm touched right now.

PERINO: Yes. I think -- I think one of the reasons we have done well this last four years, and maybe even longer, is that --

GUTFELD: Just for years? Did you just forget the last four years?

PERINO: I think you know, since -- I think, you know, since President Trump has been in office, but like --

GUTFELD: Oh, got it.

PERINO: -- our show is funnier than the late night shows. Like, also partly because we make fun of ourselves.

GUTFELD: Yes. No, we don't take ourselves seriously. And we -- interesting thing, and Juan, I think you'll agree with this, is that on THE FIVE, we get both sides of the story. When you go onto one of those shows, it's like they never heard somebody like me, or Dana, but they've -- I mean, they've known one side but they don't know the other, and I think that's what skews them.

WILLIAMS: I think they're looking for stuff that's funny. And I think in all honesty, Trump is walking satire, wouldn't you say?

GUTFELD: Yes.

WILLIAMS: I'm mean, so he's great material. He's great material. You know, but I think -- I hear your point. I mean, you know, they could be more diverse. I think you are, right?

GUTFELD: Yes.

WILLIAMS: So, but I think I when I was reacting to what you were writing, I was thinking SNL just -- I saw in the papers, had record ratings for their debut this season, right. And I think part of that is because people are paying attention to politics, and politics, and cable news, but also, humor is, you know, it's rich right now.

GUTFELD: Yes, that is true. This is an important time, Emily. And we all need to laugh, don't we? Don't we?

COMPAGNO: Yes. I mean, I laugh all the time. I think that those numbers are everything, obviously. But even if they were to be more even the jokes aren't the same when they're about Biden, or they're about like Democratic elected officials or whoever, right?

GUTFELD: Good point.

COMPAGNO: It's not with that same porosity and they they're not going for the jugular like they are when they do it about the president or his family that has, frankly, been incredibly run. And I don't think that it's going to change. I think even if Biden were to be elected, Trump is going to be the topic forever.

GUTFELD: That's a good point.

WATTERS: He's not going away.

COMPAGNO: No. He's literally going to be the topic for it. Don't you guys agree?

GUTFELD: I agree. Because you know what, there's going to be nothing else there for them to make fun of because they can't make fun of Joe or Kamala, but they can make fun of Trump. And Trump is going to -- Trump is going to run for 2024, right?

WATTERS: That's what -- yes, I heard that. He also said he's going to leave the country if he loses to Sleepy.

GUTFELD: But that was -- you know, he was obviously in jest. It's not like Bruce Springsteen. He will leave and go to Australia.

WATTERS: And he's obviously joking because he's not losing.

GUTFELD: Yes, there you go. All right --

WATTERS: Get it, Juan?

WILLIAMS: I get it. I get it. I get it.

GUTFELD: "ONE MORE THING" is up next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

WATTERS: It's time now for "ONE MORE THING." Yesterday on the radio Rush Limbaugh gave his listeners an update on his battle with cancer which is showing some signs of progression.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

RUSH LIMBAUGH, RADIO HOST: It's tough to realize that the days where I do not think I'm under a death sentence are over. It's a blessing when you wake up. It's a stop everything and thank God moment.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: We are praying for Rush Limbaugh, wish him a quick recovery. He's right, 99.8 percent of the time. We hope he continues to be right.

America's anchorman, El Rushbo. Emily.

COMPAGNO: All right, guys. Before the presidential debate kicks off, we ask viewers to pick America's question from our friends at Fox Bet Super 6. And here's the winning question. How many times will Joe Biden say the phrase "Come on, man," enter for a free chance to win $50,000. Download the Fox Bet Super 6 app and play the presidential debate game. Pick six possible outcomes. Then, watch the debate on Fox News this Thursday to see how it all unfolds. Download the Fox Bet Super 6 app now to get started.

WATTERS: Very good. Thank you for doing that so I didn't have to. Greg Gutfeld. I love doing the Fox Bet.

GUTFELD: I would -- they never ask me to do it. So, I feel -- I feel like -

-

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I never should have said that. All right, here's something fun.

Greg's Teachable Moment. All right, so I haven't niece -- I have a niece in Moscow. We have a nice picture, a very cute kid. She -- during -- I guess, they don't have the picture. Anyway, so she's learning English right now.

PERINO: Cute.

GUTFELD: She's like -- I don't know how old she is. I shouldn't have said that.

PERINO: About nine.

GUTFELD: Maybe. I don't know. But anyway, she's learning English. So how lucky is she to have some -- an uncle in America who speak -- not only can speak English and write English, but is a world famous, you know, best- selling author who's pretty good with the written word. I mean, it's almost like she has the answer key in her family. So, whenever she has like a test, all she has to do is get her aunt, my wife, to pat me on the shoulder, and then I, you know, can help her out with the test.

But -- so it is kind of embarrassing that her test today. I couldn't figure this one out. So, I wanted you guys to help me with this. Can we -- this is the question from today's test. So, here it is. Fill in the blank with either much, many and a lot of. John hasn't blank money. It's obvious that many doesn't work there. Like, it's got to be John hasn't much money, or John hasn't a lot of money.

COMPAGNO: I would say --

WILLIAMS: How about John hasn't lost money.

GUTFELD: That's not the choice.

WILLIAMS: Oh, I can't see. There are choices up there?

GUTFELD: Yes. It's either much many and a lot of, and many doesn't work.

But this is -- this is ridiculous. No one could get this right.

PERINO: Yes. The textbook is wrong.

GUTFELD: The textbook is wrong. Either that or --

WILLIAMS: Wait, wait, did you say -- you can't say, Johnny hasn't much money.

GUTFELD: Yes, but you could also say Johnny hasn't a lot of money.

COMPAGNO: Johnny hasn't much money. I feel like that's like old -- like they're teaching --

PERINO: I don't know. I feel like Peter is going to text us and tell us what the real answer is from a British -- this is probably a British English.

COMPAGNO: That's the thing. It's like Jane Austin's style. Shakespeare, things like that.

GUTFELD: Oh, that's what it is.

WILLIAMS: Yes.

GUTFELD: Well, I was humiliated in front of my family for not knowing the answer. It was like -- they were like -- all the Russians are going like, what's your problem?

WATTERS: You sell books?

GUTFELD: You are pathetic, stupid --

WATTERS: They gave you a job on T.V.?

GUTFELD: Yes, I was sad.

WATTERS: Can you warn us next time you're doing a quiz? I got really nervous. Juan?

PERINO: I noticed you didn't answer.

WILLIAMS: All right, all right, so we all need a few good laughs, you know, dealing with the Coronavirus. So, take a look at how a Mexican restaurant in Austin, Texas is creating drive by laughter with signs. Here's a political one. Is your refrigerator running? Because I might vote for it.

Then there's a COVID joke. When this virus is over, I still want some of you all to stay away from me. And of course, there's laughter about changes that have taken place in our daily lives. I've never imagined that I go up to the bank teller with a mask on and ask for money.

And this one is funny, but kind of sad too if you think about it. In 20 years, our country will be run by people homeschooled by day drinkers.

Thanks to the El Arroyo restaurant in Austin, Texas. They've been sharing these silly signs since the 1980s.

COMPAGNO: Wow. We have a gas station in Seattle that has that. It's a chevron. And it has like the most amazing awesome statements ever. And of course, I can't think of one right now. But it's really great. We always -- I drive purposely by it.

GUTFELD: Emily, we didn't ask you. It's Dana's turn right now.

COMPAGNO: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I thought we're done. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

PERINO: That's OK. But you're going to love this. You're going to love it, and I think, Greg, you're going to love it. So, a San Francisco animal control was able to recover a missing lemur over the weekend after the primate was discovered at a preschool. But the officials had the help of some expert spotters too. Watch.

GUTFELD: Lemurs.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Then the lemur jump over the gate and he just come into -- he was there.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: What was he doing in there, James?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hiding.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PERINO: OK, so the 21-year-old lemur was stolen from the San Francisco Zoo last week, but five years James Trinh didn't know that was the case when he saw this lemur named Maki in his preschool parking lot. And he said there's a lemur and they were like, isn't that just a raccoon? He said no --

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