This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!" September 28, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Happy Tuesday, everyone. Great to be in Nashville at the listening room once again and we got some great guests. Judge Jeanine is here. You know, she drove all the way from New York. Here she is pulling into the parking lot.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes. The judge loves to speed. I asked her why and she said, Greg, I treat the road like it's death row, put on that seatbelt, step on the gas.

JEANINE PIRRO, FOX NEWS HOST: And I didn't get a ticket.

GUTFELD: And look, it's Larry Gatlin of the country music legends, the Gatlin Brothers. I'm going tell you. Did those guys party back in the day, the Gatlin Brothers, they inhaled more white powder than a baby's butt. Yes. They were a Wild Bunch back in the 70s. Now they're in their 70s. Now they cut their coke with Lipitor. They've replaced orgies with orthopedics. Prostitutes with proctologist. No more smoking joints, they're replacing them.

But it's great to see Larry known for the classic hit All the Gold in California. Yes. All the -- All the Gold in California. Larry should update the song to reflect today. All the poop on my shoe in California. Yes. Their streets got to be filthy or they'd be Jessie's hairbrush or Kat's vocabulary. Sadly, California dreaming is now a guy sleeping in a tent in your front lawn throwing up on your porch. A shout out to Sean Penn. But speak -- speaking of Kat, she had a great first night out in Nashville.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes, Ballerina.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes. You (INAUDIBLE)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I keep telling Kat, I go hold back it's only Monday we got a whole week here. And she said, oh, you're right, Greg. I'll save the rest of this moonshine for my cereal then. There's Tyrus. I'll just move on. So remember when we were told the adults were taking back government when Joe Biden won? Yet they ousted orange Godzilla and we got the Creature from the Black Lagoon. Yes.

Pretty amazing. Yes, that's some normalcy. We got -- there are Serious Bedlam going on at the border. There are thousands still converging, many are sick, and like Hillary crime remains unchecked and unprosecuted. Perhaps 100 Americans may still be in Afghanistan. Inflation rising like Hunter's heart rate after a poll on his crack pipe. Control yourself, Larry. It's just a picture. So that's a lot of bad news.

The upside is I still look great. It's amazing for a man in his early 40s. But thank -- it's not that funny, Judge. But thankfully, despite all this bad news, we have an adult in charge. OK and adult -- a guy in an adult diaper. Captain Joe. Look at him. Aviator sunglasses, check. Bomber jacket, check. It looks like someone crossed a Delta pilot with Arthur Fonzarelli. Too bad his microphone gets cut more than me trying to make the eighth grade soccer team.

This year, I was closer than ever. Seriously, I feel like a guest at Epstein's Island. Where are the adults we were promised? I seem to remember being told in my mandated anger management classes that an adult takes responsibility for his actions. But here's Joe responding to his recent crisis.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Take a look at what I inherited when I came into office. When I came into office, a state of affairs and where we were. We had four million people vaccinated. We had no plan we -- I mean, I could go down the list. I'm not complaining. It's just a reality.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I'm not complaining. It's just the reality. This guy wouldn't recognize reality if the entire cast of duck dynasty bit him in the ass, which I paid for. So what is this reality? How about that anyone vaccinated today can thank something called Operation Warp Speed created by someone named Trump. How's that for red meat? Biden's reality blame everyone for every mistake you make.

And not only blame the last guy in office, but also decent Americans, like the guy who was just trying to steer his horse. Yes, Joe Biden punishes Border Patrol. Forget this, patrolling the border. What's next? Punish strippers for stripping? Soldiers for soldiering? The police for policing? Oh wait, we already do that. But do you notice this trend that people doing their jobs are being punished by people who don't?

So you have an incompetent president trashing the people, cleaning up his mistakes at the border? You have a media demonizing the cops who try to protect the society that the media tries to tear apart. And the media still winds over using horses to navigate uneven terrain. Well, what should they be using? Segways? That's for malls. Maybe the critics should ask why the Border Patrol is needed? Because there's no wall, you jackasses.

Think about that. By the way, walls don't need horses. And I respect Joe if he admits he wrongly smeared that guy and apologizes. But I won't hold my breath mainly because if I do, I'd look like a Smurf. So build back better. It's stupidest slogan ever. Sounds like a leftover from a Labor Day Sale at Home Depot. The only thing Joe builds is blame. He pretends to take responsibility, saying the buck stops with me as he passes more bucks than a guy who eats dollar bills. So, I wonder if blaming the past really works in real life.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: This place is such a mess. I am so sick of it.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Whoa, stop blaming me. It's not my fault. It's your ex's.

TIMPF: Oh, yes. And there's never any food in the fridge.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's not my fault. It's your ex.

TIMPF: You are such a slob.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's your ex.

TIMPF: Stop blaming my ex for literally everything.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Well, he's literally right over there.

TIMPF: You leave him alone. OK? We're in love.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: That should be a sitcom. So as American lurches backward what's Joe got to say for himself?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Come on, man. Don't give me that absent leadership. I am present, man. I am present and accounted for. I don't know where I am right now actually. I tell you what happens, it's what -- they drive me places and then I get out and I read what they tell me. And then I -- no questions. No question. Then I get back in the car. They drive me someplace else. It works out, man. Oh, just got dark. I know where I am.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: The good news about America, this country is so strong that we can withstand a bumbling old man who like a 35-year-old unemployed millennial living with his parents refuses to bear any responsibility. But are we strong enough to endure the woke stirs who control him? They're like kids going after their rich dad's estate before he passes. But hey, at least he bravely went on national T.V. to get his booster shot. Let's roll that tape.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK. Here we go. Nothing to worry about booster shot. It hurts.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: That didn't go over too well.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. Yes. You should hear her outdoor voice. Host of " JUSTICE WITH JUDGE JEANINE" Judge Jeanine Pirro. Country singer and songwriter Larry Gatlin. She thinks stand by your man right before she shoves him into traffic, Fox News Contributor Kat Timpf. And he's so huge his flight landed at 3:05 p.m., 3:06 p.m. and 3:08 p.m. My massive sidekick and the NWA World T.V. Champion, Tyrus. How's it going, Judge? Doing all right?

PIRRO: I'm doing OK.

GUTFELD: Yes. You look great, man. That leopard is dead but he's happy he died for this.

PIRRO: Yes. Well, he died for you.

GUTFELD: He died for me if you're wearing that for me.

PIRRO: Yes. And everybody here. I'm in Nashville.

GUTFELD: You are?

PIRRO: It's how they trust (INAUDIBLE)

GUTFELD: All right. Stop going for the easy applause lines (INAUDIBLE) that's what I do. It's great to be here in Nashville. Anyway, Judge, OK. Shouldn't leader set an example and embrace responsibility? What's going on with our president?

PIRRO: Nothing. No. How can he sent an example? He doesn't know what he's doing. I mean, I call him the liar and chief. I mean, you -- we have a commander-in-chief. He's a liar in chief. He said there was no real vaccine. Nobody was vaccinated. When he got there, there was no plan. The truth is there were three vaccines that were moved at warp speed by Donald Trump. There was a plan. He said only four million people were vaccinated. 17 million were vaccinated.

There was a plan in Afghanistan he gets out 13 of our soldiers and killed, he says an -- it's an extraordinary success. The man's out of his mind. He has no idea what reality is or what or what, you know, reality is.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PIRRO: I repeat it myself.

GUTFELD: You did.

PIRRO: I did.

GUTFELD: It bears repeating. Liars, losers and leakers.

(CROSSTALK)

PIRRO: Liberals.

GUTFELD: Liars, liberals, liars, liberals and leakers.

PIRRO: Say you're right. Liars, leakers.

GUTFELD: Liars, leakers.

PIRRO: And liberals.

GUTFELD: And liberals. It's not in the constitution, Larry.

LARRY GATLIN, COUNTRY SINGER AND SONGWRITER: No, it's not. Nowhere.

GATLIN: Larry,can you imagine doing this at work if you actually do work? I don't know if you're working these days but, you know, when you say like, oh, what's the other guy's fault? What does that make you feel? How does that make you feel? By the way? It's great to see you.

GATLIN: Great to see you, my friend. Welcome to our --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFLED: I like your shirt.

GATLIN: Thank you. Did you see the under --

GUTFLED: Yes, that's I'm talking about. Songwriters matter.

GATLIN: Songwriters matter.

GUTFLED: You're applauding a racist shirt. But go ahead.

GATLIN: Well, I'll answer your question a minute. But a songwriter, a great songwriter, George Frederick Root wrote a song many years ago it goes, red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world.

TIMPF: Where am I?

(CROSSTALK)

GATLIN: Hey, and Greg, and so do I.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFLED: Larry, you're eating into your talk time. You're eating into your talk time. You -- now you only have one point you can make. And it's got to be a really good one. Because that singing --

GATLIN: OK. We all -- we all know about all the things Judge was talking about. Socrates asked the questions he didn't answer him. So I'm going to ask one question.

GUTFLED: Right.

GATLIN: How many of you fathers, mothers, grandmothers, grandfathers would give the keys to your car and your house to Joe Biden to protect your kids or grandkids, one dog and watch the house while you went on vacation for two days to Florida? If you would do that say yes. If you wouldn't give him the keys say no. But he has the keys. He has the keys to the nuclear football.

GUTFLED: Kat, do you think Biden will actually build anything back better?

TIMPF: No. And the complaining doesn't make sense because everyone inherits a mess in some way or another like is -- isn't that what marriage is?

GUTFLED: Right. You said your husband is going to feel --

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: My husband inherited a mess. I've been burned in the past. I still have issues that affect me now. He doesn't complain about it. Because he knows he's very lucky to be married to a national treasure of course.

GUTFLED: Yes.

TIMPF: And -- thank you. And he would be sleeping on the couch The only people who complain about it are modern politicians. I say modern politicians because it's not like Abraham Lincoln was complaining about how he inherited a mess throughout the Civil War.

GUTFLED: Yes.

TIMPF: Like could you imagine the Gettysburg Address began like four score and seven years ago was when all this started. So this is like totally not my fault. So don't blame me like that's not quite as inspiring, right? He didn't -- he focused on bringing people together and go, you know, solutions to problems and not making about himself whether we blame for because that's what a leader is supposed to do.

GUTFLED: There you go.

GATLIN: Good.

GUTFLED: Tyrus, I -- if Joe Biden was actually president. I probably would worry as much but I feel like he's just the hood ornament to a very dangerous woke machine. We have to check under the hood and see what's there.

TYRUS, FOX NATION HOST: You go ahead. I don't have to look under the hood and know the engine is gone Can we please -- for the remainder of my time, can we put the Greg Smurf up? I -- that was amazing because I feel like it wasn't much photoshopping there. But --

GUTFLED: Actually, I was taller in that picture.

TYRUS: Yes, you were. It was good and a little buffer too. Nice job.

GUTFLED: Yes.

TYRUS: So there it is. That right there is magic.

GUTFLED: Yes.

TYRUS: And as unbelievable as that is it's right up there with thinking that President Joe Biden knows what's going on. Better chance of that Smurf jumping out and balancing the budget and anything going on in the office right now.

GUTFLED: Because you mention waking up to that just sitting on your chest?

TYRUS: I don't know. I -- let's -- is your wife here?

GUTFLED: Oh. Up next, are military leaders failed while a patriotic critic gets jailed?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFLED: Our soldiers were betrayed while our woke generals got played. Marine Lieutenant Colonel Stewart Sheller is behind bars in the brig which is a military prison and not a bar I go to with a similar theme. We had some good times, didn't we, Larry?

GATLIN: Yes.

GUTFLED: Yes. Still have your shirt. Earlier this summer he posted several videos calling out calling out top brass over Afghanistan. Sheller was relieved of duty and resigned. His dad claims he was incarcerated after breaking a gag order adding they don't know what to do with them. Well, here's a suggestion. Give him a medal for telling the truth.

GATLIN: Yes.

GUTFLED: Meanwhile, cop generals testified on Capitol Hill about the troop withdrawal saying that if the Afghan army had performed, the government would still be there. Yes. If my aunt had balls she'd identify as my uncle.

GATLIN: Yes.

GUTFLED: Thank god, she's not watching.

GATLIN: Yes. General Milley was also asked about U.S. credibility.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GEN. MARK MILLEY, JOINT CHIEF OF STAFF CHAIRMAN: Oh, I think that our credibility with allies and partners around the world and with adversaries is being intensely reviewed by them to see which way this is going to go. And I think the damage is one word that could be used.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFLED: Damage you think. It's more damage than a vehicle owned by Tiger Woods. I haven't seen this kind of destruction since Kat broke into the hotel's minibar. Just follow the wrappers. But general maybe the focus on wokeness is what tarnished the military's credibility. Anonymous former officials telling fox news that woke issues distracted top leaders from Afghanistan "They never met once on readiness, but they met every week on transgender issues. Extremism, racism, sexual assault, sexual harassment, etc." That's short for et cetera.

It's like my high school football coach always said, Gutfeld get your head in the game, focus, which was funny because I wasn't on the team. I just like to shower afterwards. Larry, you know what drives me crazy about this story?

GATLIN: What's that?

GUTFLED: We gave like a couple 100,000 rifles to the Taliban. It's been taken me a year to get my permit to carry. It's not fair. I should have joined the Taliban. I would have gotten a free rifle.

GATLIN: It's taken you a year to get your carry permit.

GUTFLED: If that --

GATLIN: You should have started three years ago when I told you you needed it because you're really a horse's rump sometimes, and you have enemies.

GUTFLED: But I was scared when I saw them that they gave you a gun that really frightened me. I was getting the gun to protect myself from you.

GATLIN: Well, if any crap breaks out tonight, just get behind me. OK? You know why truisms become truisms?

GUTFLED: Why?

GATLIN: Because they're true. OK. This just in. How many of you know the old saying, the fish stinks from the head down? There is a military -- is OK (INAUDIBLE)

GUTFLED: What are you doing?

GATLIN: Oh, I want to read this. (INAUDIBLE) we all remember George C. Scott as George S. Patton.

GUTFLED: Yes.

GATLIN: An army as a team. He sleeps and fights as a team. This individually -- individuality stuff is a bunch of crap. The bilious bastard who wrote that stuff about individuality in the Saturday Evening Post don't know anything more about real battle than they do about fornicating.

GUTFLED: This is a family show, Larry. Tyrus, do you have any quotes you would like to use?

TYRUS: What's fornicate mean?

GUTFLED: I'll show you later.

TYRUS: Oh, well, I made a joke about him you boo, you bunch of cowards. Nashville was brave. Don't insult the little guy but the big guy is in.

TIMPF: Yes.

TYRUS: OK? I'll see some you all in the alley.

GUTFLED: It sizes. It sizes.

TYRUS: It is. It is. It is sizes.

GUTFLED: What -- isn't it weird that the guy that spoke out is in jail, but no one's being punished for what happened in Afghanistan.

TYRUS: What do you think about how distracting that is? You're trying to basically -- I mean, up until this administration took it, we were the police of the world and we've been defunded and denounced and our military leaders can't scheme and look at things. They have to make sure they haven't offended everybody each meeting. Just going through roll call to make sure you get the right title down.

GUTFLED: Right.

TYRUS: I mean, you know, little like -- is this pronounced John or John or Joe on? Do I spell it to identify? That's just one.

GUTFLED: Joe on X.

TIMPF: You know, I mean, it's just --

PIRRO: That's right.

TYRUS: And if they say morning men, oh, sorry.

GUTFLED: Yes.

TYRUS: Morning guys. Every -- meeting dismissed. I mean, there's just not - - it's just terrible to be in a position where you have to be honest and direct.

GUTFLED: Yes.

TYRUS: And you're dealing with an administration that was hired because of how they feel inside and they're fuzzy things and how they look opposed to their resume. So yes, you're going to have things like this.

PIRRO: You know, it's one thing to be woke, it's another thing to lie constantly. And that's what he does. He lies constantly. I mean, Milley goes out there and he says, after they killed seven children and the USAID workers, she says it was a righteous strike. He knew at the time it wasn't a righteous strike. The CIA said the word civilians, and they lied to us for two weeks until the press out of them.

I mean, woke is bad enough which is horrible to me. But the line is unbelievable. And this guy keeps going out. And there are parts of America they think this guy is the greatest thing since sliced bread.

TIMPF: That's how you get promoted and get all these accolades in the military is reaching the top level is by lying, saying everything's going great. Regardless of how it is going. And that is how you get promoted. But that's at the expense of, you know, a lot of taxpayer money and the needless loss of life. And so they get promoted, they go to the top, you have the disasters, like in Afghanistan because you keep promoting people, won't ask questions.

So then you take the guy who does ask questions, and you throw him in jail. I know it's a comedy show but that's disgusting. It's sickening. If we had more leaders like him, then we would have gotten out earlier with some of our dignity, without so much needless waste of money and needless loss of life.

GATLIN: That's right. Well, yes. Hey Greg.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFLED: Yes. We got to roll. We got to roll. I got to go. First up, I'd got to go. I got to go to break but I first said like to formally apologize for having substance on the show.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFLED: I know. I know.

TIMPF: I'm a half veteran, remember?

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFLED: She's a half veteran.

TIMPF: I married a veteran, so I'm a half veteran.

GUTFLED: Yes. I'm trying to tell her it doesn't count. But he won't listen. All right. Up next, this famous athlete has the guts to say most celebrities are nuts.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: His slams bent thousands of rims but the celebrity lives not for him, no. Finally, Shaquille dunks on celebs who act like punks. Shaquille O'Neal, a man known for being tall, Larry.

LARRY GATLIN, SINGER: I heard that.

GUTFELD: Says he's retiring from celebrity status. If only I could do the same but why deprive the fans? In a recent interview, the NBA Hall of Famer basically said most lips are nuts and that he's had enough.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SHAQUILLE O'NEAL, NBA PLAYER: Celebrities are crazy. I don't want to be in that category. They are going freaking insane. Don't call me that anymore. These people are out of their freaking mind. How they treat people what they do they say but difficult I made it -- I mean, I'm bigger than you. Just because I made it doesn't mean I'm smarter than you. Just because I have more money than you doesn't mean I'm better than you. I've never been that way and I never will be that way. So, I don't want to be in that category like this. I don't want this. These celebrities are going freaking crazy. I don't want to be one. I denounce my celebrity-ness today.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: You know, as, as a world-famous celebrity I can relate. And also, Larry Gatlin, he still gets recognized at the local police stations.

GATLIN: Because I do a lot of police benefits.

GUTFELD: Yes. And also, the birthmark.

GATLIN: You've seen it?

GUTFELD: Yes, who hasn't? He's got his own Instagram account. But Shaq's a guy who'd rather be remembered for how he treats people, not what he's achieved, which again is much like me, why? Just today, my assistant made eye contact with me and I didn't fire her. I think that inspired her to do better in between her bouts of crying, but she's doing better than last week's assistant. RIP.

But we wish Shaq luck in whatever he does as long as it's not a sequel to (INAUDIBLE). But I do have a theory as to why so many celebs are jerks. A lot of them go crazy by age 35 because the time spent chasing fame comes at a cost and the cost is learning how to be a person. Fame and power enable eight a-holes. Look no further than the Cuomo brothers, right?

GATLIN: Really.

GUTFELD: Then when the when the fame evaporates, they realize they're just a vapid empty shell. A worse, Debra Messing.

GATLIN: You're hot tonight. You are hot tonight.

GUTFELD: You know you are sexually harassing me right now, Larry. I want to go, Tyrus, I'm, you know, I'm with Shaq on this. I've disowned my celebrity. I'm no longer going to be flying first class. I will be going private, but I'm not doing first class. What?

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: You know, I love Shaq. He's one of my favorite people. Just curious why you picked me to lead this? What was it? Was it the height thing, was the athletic background? Or was it something else? Is there something that you felt more comfortable asking me to clear, you know, kind of break the ice for you, so you can maybe make a joke afterwards? I'm not going to do that today, Greg.

GUTFELD: OK.

TYRUS: You know, the thing that's great about Shaq is that he has never been thirsty.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: And that term is that you just need more because you can't get enough of what you are. He's always kind of been at a high level and he was there because he worked hard. Even after, I would say his NBA career isn't as powerful as what he's done. After his NBA career, he owns businesses. He helps people if everything from --

GUTFELD: He's a sheriff.

TYRUS: He's a sheriff. Yes, he's a dad. He does a lot of things and he doesn't do it for anyone else but himself. And the people he wants to do well, so he's in a position mentally, where he's not thirsty for fame, because if it's taken away from him, he has things. Most celebrities, it's a short life, it's not very long. So, when they get towards the end of it around 35-ish, when the new ones coming in, they start getting crazy. That's why I'll get political.

GUTFELD: Right.

TYRUS: And they all do these things and they all want to, they want to save the whales but still eat beluga, so they just they're out of their -- they're out of their mind, because they're just so damn thirsty and Shaq's not thirsty.

GUTFELD: Yes, you know, Kat, it's got to be hard for you to work with someone this famous and selfless.

TYRUS: Oh, I'm humble.

GUTFELD: Yes, you're humble. But what -- so, why does this show work, Kat?

TIMPF: Because we all get along in real life.

GUTFELD: No, no, well, that too. I hate you.

TIMPF: Well, that's what you want people to think. But you don't.

GUTFELD: We don't have, we don't chase celebrities. We beat we beat Kimmel. We be Fallon. We be Colbert. And we don't have, we don't have actors or actresses coming on to sell products. We don't care.

TIMPF: Right? Because once you start, you kind of can't quit.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Because you're like, when you become an ass-kisser, you're an ass- kisser forever.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: So, then you have to keep kissing ass.

GUTFELD: You cannot un-kiss an ass.

TIMPF: You can't.

GUTFELD: It's like ringing a bell.

TIMPF: Well, the will you do -- the only time you have to stop kissing and ass is when it's time for you to kiss a new one.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: But once you've given up your principles of caring about something more, and just you know, the platform for platform's sake, then you can't go anywhere else because you've lost your credibility and you're just stuck to an ass.

GUTFELD: Yes. It's a human centipede of asses, Larry.

GATLIN: It is.

GUTFELD: Larry, you've been in the spotlight for some time, and yet you haven't changed at all. I'm not I'm not talking about your internal organs; I'm just talking about you.

GATLIN: Well, I hope you weren't being facetious. Here's, here's the thing: an old friend of mine, a great friend of mine, the late great Darrell Roy, a Football Coach at the University of Texas, (INAUDIBLE). Here's what Darrell told me years ago, he said, and he was a wise man. He said you can tell what kind of person someone is. If you watch the way they treat people who can't do anything for them.

OK, every night when we leave the stage, after we've done our show, I go out there the stage crews out there and I say and they're the sound guys, I say, hey, we could have done this without y'all tonight. But we really would have to sing loud. OK, I can sing my ass off. If the sound man doesn't turn me up, if he decides to sabotage that. We all have people in our sphere and in our circle, who we need to depend on each other.

GUTFELD: Last word to you, Judge.

JEANINE PIRRO, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: There's no room for me and the last word at this point. I mean, here's the bottom line.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PIRRO: Shaquille O'Neal has always done things for other people. And the fact that everybody knows who he is. The fact that he's the kind of guy who gets all the attention he wants is an indication that he is appreciative to this country, to what he's gotten from this country, to the fans in America, to the money that he's made in America. He understands where it all came from. And that's why --

GUTFELD: Yes.

PIRRO: He's giving up on the other people who hate America, hate the flag, and stand us. And you know what, good for Shaq and the hell with the other one.

GUTFELD: He reminds me so much of me. It's bizarre. Still ahead, is saving up a sign of growing up?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: At what age are you sure you're finally mature? Tonight's topic the worst word on the planet -- adulting. Merriam Webster, that's a dictionary, says adulting is slang for behaving like an adult. But I say whoever invented it should be thrown into a bottomless pit with spikes at the bottom.

I know that doesn't make sense, but hear me out. I've been around Larry.

GATLIN: Come on.

GUTFELD: For me, adulting was when I started making those art films downtown. They said nudity would be tasteful. I said not on my watch. According to a new study, 35 percent of people said the top side of becoming an adult was when they finally had to think about saving money. On average, people think others should feel like an adult at age 25. Hell, when I was 25, I was still sitting on Santa's lap. At least he said he was Santa. Kat. Kat. Kat. Kat, you're, you're 45.

TIMPF: I turn 33 next month. You should start thinking about what you're going to get me for my birthday.

GUTFELD: You know what, I'll surprise you. What, when did you first decide you were an adult?

TIMPF: I don't know what that means. I left home when I was a teenager. So, I was pretty independent, but I was still always asking my dad for his advice on things and I still do but the only reason it's a little less now is because I married someone who's a lot like my dad. So, now I ask him.

GUTFELD: There you go. That's what it's all about, Judge.

TIMPF: You find your dad younger and you marry him.

GUTFELD: You go back in time and commit some deviant act. All right, Judge.

PIRRO: It scares me, but go ahead.

TYRUS: OK, because I was afraid too.

TIMPF: We have been very happy. We're not related.

PIRRO: You just got married.

TIMPF: Yes.

PIRRO: Yes, like what? Two months?

TIMPF: Five?

GUTFELD: (INAUDIBLE)

TIMPF: I know.

GUTFELD: You know what, I think that being an adult is gauged by milestones, not by age, because our lifespans are stretching. So, it's not about being 21 it's about your first paycheck, right? Your first psychedelic experience, Judge.

PIRRO: Well, I never did any psychedelic experience.

GUTFELD: We're doing it after this show, you and me. We're going to be doing some (INAUDIBLE) in the green room.

PIRRO: I don't know what it is and I don't want to know what it is.

GUTFELD: Oh, it's already in your drink.

PIRRO: All right. Well, I'm still the same. Here's the thing. I really think that you're adulting whatever that that I've never heard that word before depends upon when you got your first job.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PIRRO: I got my first job selling photos over the telephone at the age of 12. And then I went to work in a dairy and I worked in a dairy where they used to milk cows on cans and turn the pail upside down no pounds.

GUTFELD: You can't make that hand movement on Fox.

TYRUS: That's when I became an adult.

PIRRO: What did you.

GUTFELD: That's when Larry became an adult.

PIRRO: Yes, OK. So, then what you have to do is then you start a bank account, then you start a bank account.

GUTFELD: Right, start a bank account.

PIRRO: OK. Do you know what it's like trying to convince people that they need photos to give to people over the phone? And then they say to you, everybody I know is dead, so then you say well, you can still use a photo and send it to me because I can use the sale and then I run over and then get their $5.00.

GUTFELD: All right, all right. Tyrus.

TYRUS: What? What in the blue hell could positively say to this, like, I came out a grown ass man at cry. The doctor slapped me. I put his arm behind his back, took his wallet drove his car, and gave it to the wife. I've been grown forever.

GUTFELD: I don't know if that's true.

PIRRO: I believe him. I believe in Tyrus.

TYRUS: You know hard is to be born with tattoos, Greg?

GUTFELD: I didn't know you could pass tattoos on in the womb.

TYRUS: It wasn't, I did it myself. She doesn't need this rib. I got this. Oh, come on.

GUTFELD: I am going to say last word to Larry, emphasis on word. You notice that it isn't plural.

GATLIN: I've been growing up since I was 14 years old, got my driver's license and really found out about girls. Having grown up, I've worked, drove the car with my, my brothers and sister my mama all over America singing songs. And daddy was gone a lot working and the man of the house and he said work is noble. Go get a job and report back to me when you get one.

GUTFELD: There you go.

GATLIN: That's it.

GUTFELD: All right. We got to go. We got comedy coming up. Up next, his comedy stylings are neat-o, stick around for Joe DeVito.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Welcome back. This is usually the part of the show where we discuss the real hard hitting issues plaguing America. But then again, who cares? Am I right? We're all going to hell in a handbasket. So, tonight, we thought we'd showcase some of the hottest comedic talents in America, but they were busy. So, give a big round of applause for writer and comedian, Joe DeVito.

JOE DEVITO, COMEDIAN: Good to see you, Nashville. Now, I have to let you know I'm an avid noxious New Yorker. So, we have a lot of dumb stereotypes about Southern people, so I'm going to apologize in advance. Oh, and also if you're enjoying the show, please do not fire shotguns in the air, very distracting. But it's nice to see live shows happening again, obviously with the pandemic I had to cancel a lot of gigs. I had to postpone my yearly trip to the Wuhan Food Truck Festival.

But I learned a lot, I learned a lot during the lockdown. I had no idea how non-essential I am. We had an emergency I have no useful skills, whatsoever -- I'm actually what they call a last respondent. I fell apart quick. I think we were two weeks into the lockdown I noticed I had something I was calling my good sweat pants. You know, for special occasions like getting the mail.

Then a week after that, I was like who needs to put on pants to get the mail? Come on. They know me at the post office. I learned a lot. Here's another thing I learned. Turns out I don't have a book in me. For years, I thought if I just had the time -- I had the time, I didn't even read a book. My main accomplishment was my couch now has a groove in it. It's so perfectly shaped like my ass.

Every morning I'd swipe in and Netflix would turn itself on. Here's a bad sign if Netflix stops asking, are you still watching? But it was crazy. The Center for Disease Control actually issued dating guidelines because that's where I go from my dating tips, Center for Disease Control. They said, if you have sex with someone you don't know, wear a mask.

I read that and I thought oh been there. I am vaxxed. I went with Gardasil, anyone else took up Gardasil? But I also got the Pfizer and I can't believe my arm hurts so much for just that little shot of sailing. But you got to take care of your health because think back in 2019, what was there a big health concern, it was vaping. Vaping. Yes, well, turns out it was just regular breathing was the problem. But I love the vape people because they're the only ones who seem surprised that it might not be good for you.

They're shocked by -- what you're trying to tell me that this burning liquid air freshener I've been sucking down, it's not good for me? But it at the gas station. Well, nothing is good for you if you can charge it off a USB port. So, I leave you with this. I've decided I know what I want to have happen after I die, OK. After I die, I want my remains scattered over New York City. And no, I don't want to be cremated. My name is Joe DeVito. Thank you very much.

GUTFELD: Joe DeVito, everyone. Don't go away, we'll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: We are out of time. Thanks to Judge Jeanine Pirro, Larry Gatlin, Kat, Tyrus, Joe DeVito, our Nashville studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" evil Shannon Bream is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld, I love you, America.

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