'Gutfeld!' on media's 'failed' messaging

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Gutfeld: The messaging isn't working

'Gutfeld!' panel discusses the media's failed messaging and how Americans are seeing through their dishonesty.

This is a rush transcript of "Gutfeld!" on January 11, 2022. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Great. If this is a great show, and I'm a great person. I'm a great person. Happy January 11th, America. Yes, January 11th. Just a year ago today it was also January 11th. I know, never forget. So why January 11th so important? Because it's this great man's birthday. Yes. Actor, stunt man, little person. RIP. Felix Silla. And if you don't know who Mr. Silla, it's OK.

He was offered disguise as Cousin Itt in the Addams Family. Yes, I know he was that guy. Anyway, it's his birthday. That's why January 11 is so important to me. Another little person, even though we keep -- stop it. But we keep being told the only day that matters is January 6.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

NANCY PELOSI, SPEAKER OF THE UNITED STATES HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES: What the Republicans are doing across the country is really a legislative continue -- continuation of what they did on January 6.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Wow. Well, then, Nan, you got nothing to worry about because as insurrections go, that was a bust. What the hell is she talking about? And not sure that could be qualified as talking more like slurring with punctuation. And who ever did her eyebrows should be put in eyebrow prison. They're supposed to be lower than your hairline. And why did -- a better husband stock goes up each time she mentions January 6.

She says predictable is Biden's 3:00 nap. And we knew the January 6 anniversary was a grift. So in case you were one of the gullible Republicans who thought January 6 was really about remembering, enjoy being patsies. January 6 was a prop. Just like Cuomo giant Q-tip used to vanquish political adversaries and help the Democratic Party regain political footing by rejiggering the rules.

See the Dems like to do politics, the way ugly people have sex with the lights out.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh.

EMILY COMPAGNO, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Oh, my God.

GUTFELD: And they're going to use the day to prevent rather than enhance election transparency, Emily?

COMPAGNO: No.

GUTFELD: Like you care about ugly people. And Liz and Adam fell for it like Biden on a broken escalator. Today, President Joe endorsed changing Senate rules regarding voting as Dems claim it's the biggest test of Americans democracy since the Civil War. But sorry, Joe, this isn't even the biggest test since corn pop. It's just hyperbole. And that's why they have to keep saying it. I mean, no one needed convincing that 9/11 was bad a year later.

For January 6, however, never forget means we all literally would forget, unless we make a big deal out of it every year. So now it's January 6 every day as Republicans engage in extreme attacks on our most basic constitutional right, voting. Which is why now Joe pushes a filibuster carve out, which sounds like a new entree at Boston Market. Kat would know. But now you see the point of the January 6 anniversary, the Dems need an emergency to change voting rules.

It's 2020 all over again. And like a serial killer's dog, the media happily played along joining in on the hysterical messaging. Yes, the messaging. That's what it's all about these days. Gee, I wonder is the media out of touch with people?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: A lot of the media does see when I look at it, and then travel the country to be very out of touch with people.

If you travel the country, people are not really living in the same bubble that it seems that most of the media is messaging toward. I think this is an issue because if people are tuning out what's going on in cable news, if we're not messaging toward the general population, you know, that -- they're just, you know, ignoring everything and living their lives, and we're not really getting the information that they need to them.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Look at that. That's some hairless on hairless action. One more egg and we could have made an omelet. Oh my god, CNN frets. They don't live the same bubble as we do. Americans are tuning out ignoring everything. They're going outside and talking to people. Some of them are actually smiling. Yes. Americans are living their lives and not listening to you, you freaks.

And CNN just found out now, haven't they seen their ratings? Are they too small to see at this point? Also, do you really believe this act travels outside the bubble? I bet his idea of seeing the country is grabbing a connecting flight in Charlotte. But this is good news. The messaging isn't working no one listens to CNN's conveyor belt of lies which makes sense.

[23:05:09]

GUTFELD: Consider this the sources. Chris Cuomo, Don Lemon, a guy who ate human brains. A lady who eats crickets on purpose. Let's not forget Toobin, we've been there. And now there's John Griffin, the longtime CNN producer and alleged child trafficker who's been named that a civil lawsuit alleging despicable acts of horrific sexual abuse. Between April and July 2020 Griffin allegedly invited three women and their underage daughters over for the purposes of sexual training.

And that's according to the latest federal indictment. Yes. Who knew CNN had its own in house Jeffrey Epstein. And given the time frame, it seems like he was also violating lockdown orders. There's a real outrage. I wonder what's on CNN now.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It's ridiculous to say that we're out of touch.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, I'm out of touch. Because my pet iguana goes to private school. Come on.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes. We know what's going on. All right? I know what the Six Flags is.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes. When Y2k hits. I'll be ready.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I'll take my Guatemalan Butler every time he brushes my teeth.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, I mean, I unadopted my one-year-old son because he couldn't spell Green New Deal.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: And I always give thumbs up to homeless people. I mean, even in the winter, when my thumb gets a little cold.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You are an inspiration. You should be on Good Morning America.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: It's an interesting point. So forgive us, CNN if Americans don't really want any part of your messaging. You're kind of creeping us out at this point. You're the cable version of the guy who hangs out at the playground but didn't bring any kids. And when you ask him why he's there, he says something like, hey, I've always been fascinated by the monkey bars. Then you ask him which kid is his and he says, I wish they all were.

Maybe that's why CNN was so wrong on Kyle Rittenhouse because by 17, they've lost interest. But it's more than just their personnel. It's their hysteria conflict based profit model. January 6 was just one example. Well, CNN and others gushed endlessly about their own PTSD. The rest of America was like what? It's the same reliable hysteria, they applied to collusion, Covington Kavanaugh.

Remember the classics? That perfect phone call was worse than Watergate. Climate change means the earth dies in eight years. January 6 is Pearl Harbor all over again. You see the disconnect between them and you. And it's this gulf between their claims and actual reality that mirrors exactly the gulf between the press and the public they don't understand. And if you listen to CNN, well, it's got to be America's fault.

Even though they've been so insanely wrong on everything from COVID to crime. The last time they were right, Wolf Blitzer was a mere pop. But you know, maybe CNN should be grateful. No one is really paying attention to them. Because if America did imagine what else they'd find.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. He may have lost the New York mayor's race, but he always wins our hearts. Former GOP Candidate for New York Mayor Curtis Sliwa. She's living proof you could be a lawyer and not a completely terrible person. "OUTNUMBERED" co-host Emily Compagno. She's cute, astute and impossible to mute. Fox Business Correspondent Susan Li. And finally, she's like the snow, cold white and found all over your driveway in the morning.

Fox News Contributor Kat Timpf. Emily, good to see you and your hair.

COMPAGNO: Thanks.

GUTFELD: Yes. It's quite impressive that hair.

COMPAGNO: The main?

GUTFELD: You're the main. Yes. You are the main event. This is a natural response. I love watching CNN confused by why nobody cares about their opinion after they've been lying for five, six, seven years.

COMPAGNO: They don't appreciate to that the chasm between what they're putting out and what normal Americans are talking about and how they think and feel is getting wider by the day. And to pile on, you know, it's not just them. Just this week, the L.A. Times put out an article that said mocking the deaths of those who are unvaccinated was ghoulish, but necessary. They said it was necessary to temper vaccine skepticism.

This was a Pulitzer-Prize winning columnist that we're supposed to listen to, that we are supposed to make fun of those who have died because of COVID because they had for whatever reason, the decision to be unvaccinated. And that same author, by the way, during the Trump administration said that the emergency use authorization -- use authorization of the vaccine was not to be trusted, that it might kill us.

GUTFELD: Right.

COMPAGNO: And that kind of vial is being furthered by the media and he's rewarded by a Pulitzer and by circulation when a normal American grieves every death regardless if that person has been vaccinated. And we don't take it upon ourselves to judge or to enlighten someone. That's someone's own decision

GUTFELD: Hmm. Well put, young lady.

COMPAGNO: Yes.

GUTFELD: You should be on T.V. Curtis, how the cats doing? What do you have? 17? 18?

CURTIS SLIWA, FORMER NYC MAYORAL CANDIDATE: Sixteen. Unfortunately, one of my favorites Hope pass to the hereafter this past week. So I've been shitting Shiva.

GUTFELD: No. Really for the hope.

SLIWA: I actually, you know, even when my mother and father passed, you know, I'm supposed to be the toughest guy in the world. I couldn't cry. I cried three hours when Hope passed.

GUTFELD: Wow. How old was Hope?

SLIWA: Hope was actually eight but had a terminal cancer. So my wife had rescued her two years before, from being euthanized, destroyed. She had a great two-year run. And every night I come back from this (INAUDIBLE) campaign of mine, as a Republican running for mayor. Hope would always be there. Nobody else would listen to me, but hope would be at my side.

GUTFELD: There you go. There you go. Well, are you hopeful about the state of America? You're laughing at my transition?

COMPAGNO: Yes.

GUTFELD: You started laughing while I was doing a transition. How dare you? I can sense that when it's happening. I'll be looking this way. Like you're mocking me.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Next time I'll scowl.

GUTFELD: Yes. So, are you hopeful that America is getting better now that it's tuning out? That legacy media? That's got to be good, right?

SLIWA: Can I give a recommendation to --

GUTFELD: Sure.

SLIWA: -- CNN?

GUTFELD: Yes.

SLIWA: Now that they're no longer the Cuomo national network.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SLIWA: Thank god no more (INAUDIBLE) but if every day could be New Year's Eve at CNN --

GUTFELD: Yes.

SLIWA: Every day that could be half in the bag like we saw Anderson Cooper, like we saw Don Lemon, and especially Andy Cohen. High five, Andy Cohen was saying I can't wait for Bill de Blasio to like just vacate the scene, he got chastise. But wasn't that the best?

GUTFELD: You know, it's actually right. It's the only thing that CNN does that's remotely watchable.

SLIWA: Yes.

GUTFELD: You know, and it's -- and Andy Cohen is only on like once a year. And that's like, that's it. That's it. And they didn't, you know, I kind of miss Kathy Griffin too. Kathy Griffin, you know, she was -- I mean, she was kind of entertaining until she did that stupid thing, Susan. How are you?

SUSAN LI, FOX BUSINESS CORRESPONDENT: I'm good. How are you?

GUTFELD: I'm doing great. You look great.

LI: Yes. Well, OK. So Andy Cohen, I don't think he's being invited back next year.

GUTFELD: Oh, he'll be back. No. CNN's like --the CNN like this controversy because it moved the spotlight away from all the weirdness. Like -- they were like, you know, what do you make of that? CNN dead? Is it time to just closed up shop?

(CROSSTALK)

LI: Isn't that kind of what the Biden administration is doing? Changing the narrative?

GUTFELD: Yes.

LI: You know, do you think they would be talking about January the 6 or changing filibuster rules if -- let's say the economy was firing on all cylinders? Let's say that there weren't inflation problems or supply chain crises here and there. I just feel -- but I think it's dangerous, though. Because once you open Pandora's box and you've heard McConnell saying, if you change the filibuster rules, we will defund Planned Parenthood.

GUTFELD: Right.

LI: There'll be stricter abortion laws. I just think you have to be very careful in terms of what you're doing up there.

GUTFELD: It's weird. It's like they have amnesia. It's like, they don't think that this could actually be used against them.

LI: Yes.

GUTFELD: You know, it's like -- it is a hey, let's do it now. And then it gets goes bad for them later, Kat. Does that meet your expectations as a question?

TIMPF: It was an excellent question. Really great. I just -- I think it's strange to, you know, it's one thing to say hey, you know, we're not relating to people but also it's -- I think it's the preaching more than the relating.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: I think it's that -- I can listen to something that I'm not perfectly interested in and like make a nice face. I think we can all do that as human it's like, oh, OK, maybe I learned something and then move on with your day. But it's the telling you how to live your life and that the way you live your life is wrong. If you don't want to get, you know, a new vaccine booster like every three months or like you can't go to a restaurant or if, you know, you -- for -- your mask slips below your nose while you're going out of the house that you're a murderer.

Like nobody wants to watch something that's repeatedly telling you what a horrible person you are for wanting to do normal human thing.

GUTFELD: Yes. And that was -- that's what CNN's become. It's become the I hate you network. We're returning the favor.

COMPAGNO: Yes.

GUTFELD: All right. Up next, America's more socially free. So why are Libs voting for the GOP?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: All right, Kat. Are liberals who vote right to cowed to say so out loud? A study out of New York University (INAUDIBLE) what is wrong with me? Finds that America is more liberal than it was 50 years ago yet voting for more Republicans. Those liberal NYU researchers concluded their research by jumping out of an eight-storey window. And you laugh. You're disgusting.

Researchers looked at a pile of data and turns out from 70 -- 1972 to 2004 party affiliation is shifted steadily toward Republicans, even as each generation is just a little more liberal than its predecessor. With more tolerance in areas the left claims are worse than ever, like race, gender and personal freedom. At this rate and a few years that GOP ticket will be Rand Paul and RuPaul. And I'm going to vote for that.

So if our country sees more liberal attitudes with each generation why haven't liberals dominated the elections? Is this because wokeism has contaminated traditional liberalism so liberal see that Republicanism is closer to reality? Or maybe it's because liberals like the nutty ideas of the squad, in theory, but not when it comes out of their own paychecks. And they also know that extremists in the party will cancel them out the moment they reveal that they might have any diversity of thought.

So they lie about their preferences. Even Bill Maher noted recently that "woke is something that is not an extension of liberalism. It's very often the opposite of what an old school liberal like me believes. But really who knows how many liberals out there are voting Republican but hide it in their daily life?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Well look, I mean, I'm no Republican but I just think that when it comes to school choice maybe, you know --

COMPAGNO: Let's get a cup of coffee, we can talk there.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Well, like I was saying I voted Democrat my whole life, I just think that parents should have a bigger --

COMPAGNO: It's close (INAUDIBLE) quiet.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Look, all I'm saying is that maybe possibly school vouchers can be a viable alternative in some situations.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: We do so much with so little. It's quite impressive I have to say. Curtis, you know what drives me nuts about this is I don't see -- this is good news but it's also infuriating, because they bash -- they publicly bashed the things that they support privately. Meanwhile, there are people like us that take the slings and the arrows of actually saying what we're going to do or think.

SLIWA: And in my case, bullets, hollow point bullets. But -- you like that, huh?

GUTFELD: Look, that makes you holier than thou.

SLIWA: Exactly. And having survived. Thank you.

GUTFELD: Yes. Yes.

SLIWA: Look. Libertarians and liberals have a lot in common. They really do when it comes to social issues.

GUTFELD: True.

SLIWA: This -- they converge. Unlike progressives and conservatives who are at war with one another. But if you were to say to a liberal, hey, you got a lot in common with the Libertarians and vice versa. They would say no, we don't, no, we don't. But you do. So in social issues, gays, lesbians, transgenders, we can go the whole route, they have more than in common than they do being at odds. And they recognize that for a lot of these social issues. That's not important.

And that's why the veering towards the GOP. And (INAUDIBLE) have in my experiences having been a libertarian for a month of Sundays.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's true. You know, Susan, it's really about it. One -- it's really about economics, right? You have a freer life.

LI: Right.

GUTFELD: If you are a capitalist, like a Republican.

LI: Right. Card-carrying capitalist right here.

GUTFELD: Yes. Yes.

LI: But I did something dangerous over Christmas, and I actually talked to politics at Christmas Eve. Maybe that was not recommended. But I would say that most America is right down the middle, as you said, they're tolerant on social issues. But at the end of the day, they want to be able to feed their family for food on the table. And the -- actually card-carrying Democrats are not on the side of the squad.

So they think that's really just extreme left. So I think America is very similar in many ways. Whether you're liberal, or you're conservative.

GUTFELD: You know what it is? It's because we're getting tricked by the kind of the Twitter element of this, that we only see the loudest voices. And we -- and we forget, and actually, this is what CNN we talked about in the earlier segment, that we actually miss out the fact that America is not even remotely interested in a lot of this crap that we make a big deal out of, or specifically what you make a big deal out of.

TIMPF: I know that America's not interested in a lot of the same things as I am. But I believe in an America where nobody has to be interested in the same things that I am.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: I mean, I personally, I'm -- I guess, considered extremely liberal on social issues. But that means I basically just don't think the government should be involved in anything that's in anyone's personal life or any, you know, transactions that are consensual between adults. But people --

GUTFELD: Just adults?

TIMPF: Yes, I don't think that kids --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Good, good.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: I don't believe in baby drug dealer.

GUTFELD: Your baby drug dealer.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: Yes. You need to be over 18 before you can be a drug dealer.

GUTFELD: Oh, you know what?

TIMPF: Yes. No.

GUTFELD: You know (INAUDIBLE)

TIMPF: Yes, that's where I draw the line.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: No kid drug dealer.

GUTFELD: Yes. Yes. Yes.

TIMPF: I don't think there are any.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Or very few. But honestly I -- but people sometimes can give me like a hard time. They don't want to talk about what you can agree on. They just say oh, you work at Fox News. Therefore, you're bad. You're a bad person. I am a bad person. But not because I work here.

GUTFELD: I know. It's true. It's true. Don't blame us for your (INAUDIBLE) Fox says she was disgusting before she got here.

TIMPF: That's true.

GUTFELD: If anything, you slightly improved being at Fox.

TIMPF: Well, I don't know if I've improved, but I've tried to keep some of the worst things off the air.

GUTFELD: Having a regular job for you has got you to bathe regularly.

TIMPF: That's true. I don't wash my hair when I'm at work.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: That is disgusting.

TIMPF: Leave a hat on.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. That's, you know, Emily, I also think that the reason why you're seeing a lot of liberals veer towards Republican voting is because their own party is leaving them. The wokeism has kind of infected their world. And it's like, OK, I'm just not going to tell these people what I'm doing. But I'm voting for so and so.

COMPAGNO: Yes.

GUTFELD: Does that makes sense to you?

COMPAGNO: Yes. I think that's a great point. And I also --

GUTFELD: Thank you.

COMPAGNO: Thank you. That this study focused on voting and in terms of society on the whole moving more toward the liberal side, that's been decided largely in the courts, right? That's not really what you vote on, what you vote on, and what this study found people care about and what is having and drawing the left to vote Republican is government oversight and health care and the Second Amendment.

And others. And those fundamental bedrock issues of the Republican Party, among others are crucial. And especially the more we go, the more we have presidents like Biden, who are just spending, like astronomical amounts, who are growing the federal government, astronomical sizes, then that is why people are voting Republican because they don't want the government regulating everything and making you forcing you to believe a certain way and act a certain way in the like. So --

TIMPF: And I don't think baby should be able to buy drugs either.

GUTFELD: That's -- you know, I'm glad (INAUDIBLE) on air apology tomorrow about that. But you want it -- you know what I find refreshing and then we'll move on is when you meet somebody who doesn't fulfill like they could be -- they -- something left in something right. So they could be pro second amendment but anti death penalty. Right? You know, and it's like, so like, you know --

SLIWA: You mean, free agents.

GUTFELD: Yes. Free Agents.

SLIWA: And it's all a form of what you hinted on. It's all part of political tricknology. We get tricked.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SLIWA: We're all free spirits.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SLIWA: I can agree with you on which one issue at you another and then all of a sudden, believe it or not, AOC all out crazy. Alexandria Ocasio- Cortez. That does not make me Judas.

GUTFELD: Yes

SLIWA: (INAUDIBLE)

GUTFELD: Yes.

SLIWA: I'm a free agent with my own thought process.

GUTFELD: Exactly. And somehow those are endangered. And on that note. Up next, watch your words so you don't offend the birds.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Does a college promote stupid woke lingo? The University of California Irvine says, bingo! Yes, the school says be choosy with your words, so people don't think you're literally killing birds.

A recent op-ed, that's short for opinion editorial, Kat, in the Wall Street Journal which is owned by our parent company Sam Goody, eviscerated the University of California Irvine's inclusive language guide. I'm surprised we're even allowed to use the word language. Don't they know it's offensive to babies who don't know how to speak yet?

By the way, the mascot for Irvine is the ant eater which must be offensive to animals with eating disorders. In addition to policing pronouns, which are very short words like he, she, them, and they, Kat. The guide also encourages using less offensive metaphors that don't promote violence. A metaphor is a figure of speech not to be taken literally, Kat.

So, rather than say off the reservation, use against the grain, instead of tone deaf say inconsiderate, or thoughtless, although who cares if we offend the deaf? They can't hear us anyway -- an inconsiderate jerk might say. I condemn that outright. Perhaps, most stupid of them all instead of kill two birds with one stone, say feed two birds with one scone.

Don't they know that feeding bread to birds expands in their stomach and harms them? Trust me you don't want to offend birds. Alfred Hitchcock warned us what would happen if we do, well that was hard hitting, Susan.

SUSAN LI, FOX BUSINESS NETWORK HOST: It was.

GUTFELD: It was.

LI: So, I used the term today called dead cat bounce, do you know what that means in the stock markets? It's a, it's a --

GUTFELD: No bounce.

LI: It's actually when the stock does -- very good, Greg. Very good.

GUTFELD: Thank you. I'm so proud of myself.

LI: It's after when the stock market sell off and then you have a, you know, a day of gains -- recovery, how about that? A dead cat bounce. We've been using this in the stock markets for 50 years.

GUTFELD: What's it mean, really? Dead cat bounce?

LI: Yes. OK. That's what it means. So, the point is somebody wrote in saying that I am promoting attacks against felines. Oh, what? We've been using this for 50 years.

GUTFELD: What do -- you have 16 cats or -- well, should

LI: Oh, did I offend you? I'm sorry --

CURTIS SLIWA (R), FORMER NYC MAYORAL CANDIDATE: Let's forget the (INAUDIBLE) she is.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SLIWA: I side with a wokes out there.

GUTFELD: Really?

SLIWA: In honor of you, Kat.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Oh.

SLIWA: There's more than one way to skin a cat.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SLIWA: I side with you. And if I don't side with you on this, how am I going to face my 16 rescue cats when I get home?

GUTFELD: That is true.

SLIWA: That is advocating violence against cats and especially you, Kat.

TIMPF: Kat Timpf.

GUTFELD: Well, I was going to say early bird gets the worm but then I know you have an intestinal parasites. So, I didn't want to.

TIMPF: I've actually never had one.

GUTFELD: You should check it out, get some weight off.

TIMPF: Yes. Well, look, I -- when I first saw this headline, I thought it was going to be what it normally is, which is like, this idiom is you know, has deep roots in racism, and so we can't say it. But it's literally because it's mean to birds.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: But like, most of us eat birds.

GUTFELD: True.

TIMPF: And like there's a whole industry where we kill them so we can eat them. And if anything, I think that the feed the scone thing is more problematic, because it suggests that you should feed birds and that is not true.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: There is a lady who feeds the pigeons in our neighborhood, and there are so many pigeons and all the cars on the street are always covered in bird.

GUTFELD: Oh, and you know who that woman is?

EMILY COMPAGNO, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Mary Poppins?

GUTFELD: I like that came out --

COMPAGNO: It was in Mary Poppins.

GUTFELD: Julie Andrews?

COMPAGNO: It's the whole scene.

SLIWA: Oh, I took offense. I defended your honor. We, we had a moment of chivalry here -- I have thousand pigeons that follow me in New York City. I am the Pigeon Man.

TIMPF: Really?

SLIWA: Yes!

TIMPF: I just I don't like birds (BLEEP).

GUTFELD: Yes, I know. I know where you come from. Tastes too salty. Emily, I mean, like think about throwing sweet you can throw stones in glass houses. What if you don't have a house or stones it's got to be offensive right this is exactly the reason why aliens are not landing on our planet. We are so embarrassing. Things like this.

GUTFELD: Calling them aliens is offensive to me. Undocumented otherworldly space --

LI: Extraterrestrials.

GUTFELD: Extraterres -- yes, bigot.

COMPAGNO: OK, fine. This is exactly why undocumented extraterrestrial do not land on our planet because this is so embarrassing. So, remember, how I think two weeks ago, a major newspaper, the oldest Latino civil rights organization in the world, even broadcasters came out and said, stop using the phrase, the word Latin-X.

GUTFELD: Right.

COMPAGNO: This is you progressive white people --

GUTFELD: Right.

COMPAGNO: Trying to impose your values on us and you know what we care about? We care about schools, we care about jobs, we care about livelihoods. So, this kind of woke policing is just more of the things that the birds gave (BLEEP) about a scone? They don't care. No one cares.

TIMPF: Oh, they do.

COMPAGNO: Sorry, Irvine.

SLIWA: About beat a dead horse.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SLIWA: Beat a dead horse.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SLIWA: We got to eliminate that. I'm woke on this. I'm sorry. I have crossed over to the dark side of this.

GUTFELD: And you don't want to lead him to the --

COMPAGNO: Water?

GUTFELD: Yes, because you can't make a drink or something like that.

COMPAGNO: Yes.

GUTFELD: You know, maybe we should ban all of them, because they're kind of stupid. Do any none of them.

TIMPF: I don't talk like that.

GUTFELD: I don't talk like that either. It's like Shakespeare -- like whoever talk like that?

COMPAGNO: I do all the time.

GUTFELD: All right. Up next, their cover was a bust and disgraced Ziggy Stardust.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: A cover of Bowie hits a new low-wie. Yes, they covered the Thin White Duke and their version makes you want to puke. True, their David Bowie homage belongs in the garbage. I nailed that one. Cover of David Bowie's hit song "Changes" featuring young female celebrities butchering the 1972 classic has gone viral for being (BLEEP) terrible. Makes the car, cars for kids jingles sound like Mozart?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Changes.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Turn and face the strange changes.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Don't want to be a richer man.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Changes.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Turn and face the strange --

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Changes.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Wow. That'll make you say let's dance off the side of a cliff. They could have been heroes by not recording this. A little Bowie puns there. Very little. The video which was posted to Instagram by W Magazine. And meant as a tribute celebrating what would have been Bowie's 75th birthday. Instead, it just made Bowie glad that he's dead.

The dopes weren't even sing in the same key and had to be fed the lyrics from a sheet of paper. Unfortunately, that paper was encoded with cyanide. You laugh at that joke? You're terrible. I disown that joke. But maybe we're being too hard on these kids, not everything can be perfect. Here's an early demo of the classic Bowie hit.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Changes. Face the strange changes. I don't want to be a rich man. Changes. Start to face the strange changes --

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: You know, it's weird that that's an early demo, because I'm pretty sure that's Bowie when he's older. So, I don't know, I don't I don't think that's real. And I think we should maybe improve our fact-checking processes for this show. Kat, if David Bowie were alive, he would kill himself.

TIMPF: Absolutely.

GUTFELD: Yes, he would kill himself.

TIMPF: Absolutely.

GUTFELD: He would.

TIMPF: Yes. But look, this -- what happened here is so obvious because it is so bad. This was like the boss, boss, boss' idea.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: Like, the person whoever runs the magazine? I don't know because I didn't Google it. Because I'm like, my point doesn't need the actual name to make my point. So, I'm not, you can all Google it at home. Their idea because no one could say no or stop it at any length of the process. It is impossible to watch this and think it's good. They're not really singing. They're like sing reading.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Which is, it's something you only do at, at church.

GUTFELD: Yes. Yes, they're actually good. They're maligning church by doing this.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: This is an affront to David Bowie and God.

TIMPF: And church.

GUTFELD: And God.

TIMPF: God's house church God.

GUTFELD: God. Emily, did you watch the whole thing?

COMPAGNO: I couldn't bring myself to watch the whole thing. I hate how the marketing said in honor of what would have been somebody like -- no, if honor him by letting him sing no one wants to hear anyone else cover the greatest labyrinth actor of all time. Obviously, no one wants that. The only covers that are ever acceptable of the great ones would be Sheila Ian Sinead of Prince.

GUTFELD: Yes. Oh, interesting. Good point there. All right. What is she talking about? You know, Curtis, I'm a massive David Bowie fan. I have just about everything. So, I -- it almost, it broke something inside me to listen to this. broke something inside me. And then I pooped it out. Whatever was broken.

SLIWA: Now, this is 1972, right? None of you were birthed.

GUTFELD: Oh, wait, you probably met him, right? I'm assuming.

SLIWA: Ziggy Stardust?

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

SLIWA: Now, most of the people don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

GUTFELD: Spiders from Mars.

SLIWA: But the words changes. I listened to every one of those performance because I wanted to see after 50 years --

GUTFELD: Yes.

SLIWA: If the question was finally answered his David Bowie, with the drop dead gorgeous wifey mine the Somalian model. And yet the rumor was that he was in the sack with Mick Jagger.

GUTFELD: Oh God!

SLIWA: Did he do the changes. I listened to that horrible rendition to see if I could find out.

GUTFELD: You, I can't believe you went all the way to that -- I haven't thought of that rumor in ages.

SLIWA: It's 50 years old and I want an answer.

GUTFELD: That is like, OK, so that I believe that they were probably just in bed after sharing a woman. That's my -- Yvonne came later. Remember, remember, he remembered David -- he was married to Angie.

SLIWA: That's right.

GUTFELD: And McJagger sang the song "Angie." Remember: Angie, Angie --

SLIWA: Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes, so I think I just stumbled on the answer. It had to do with Angie and Mick, and David being in bed together and the she left. And then somebody came in and saw them.

SLIWA: I even got all crunched up and went to CBGBs when they were open to see if I could pry open what the real meaning of changes was. And people took the code of America. I want answers on the 50th anniversary and I know, you, Gutfeld, know.

GUTFELD: Yes, I do. But I'm not --

SLIWA: Stop withholding.

GUTFELD: I'm not. I'm not -- I wish I was holding. But I'm not withholding. Susan.

LI: I cannot follow that. I cannot. Wow! A man -- I can't, I think --

GUTFELD: There were great rumors in the 70s. So many great rumors; some we can't even discuss involving Rod Stewart, but anyway.

SLIWA: That's right.

GUTFELD: Anything business, business angle that will keep on getting in trouble.

LI: No, I was just thinking.

TIMPF: Her career is flashing before her eyes.

LI: Yes, I was thinking David Bowie, greatest, wasn't he in "Zoolander", he made a guest appearance, right?

GUTFELD: God, you people are so -- he's one of the greatest performers of all time. One of the greatest!

LI: Yes, and that's what I'm saying. It was a great guest appearance in Zoolander. I'm complimenting him. It was great.

GUTFELD: You know what, I have a great idea. I know we got to move on but I think a patriotic idea would be to get these actors and singers to record an entire album of classics from everybody from the Rolling Stones, The Beatles, the who you name it exactly that way because it's going to unite America against one common enemy, them.

SLIWA: I am. I am more interested in Rod Stewart. I guess you've opened up that can of worm. Can I say can of worms?

GUTFELD: Oh, that's right. Can of worms. Who keep worms in a can?

What kind of animal keep worms in a can?

All right, we got to take a break. Up next, looking for a man who does not have this next dude's the whole enchilada.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: You can't help but admire a man who does nothing for hire. And what price is fair to hire a man who just doesn't care? A Japanese man, aren't they all? Kept being criticized for doing nothing. Opened a Twitter account called do nothing rent a man back in 2018. It has since turned it into a career. He's so good at doing nothing. The Democrats are considering running him for President in 2024 --

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Nice red meat joke there, Greg. God, could you be any more predictable?

GUTFELD: Sorry, God, but did you just use your own name in vain?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Shut up, Greg, or I'll ground you into a fine mist.

GUTFELD: At least he's watching. Shoji Morimoto takes the nothing, part of the job seriously says he's turned down requests to do laundry or even be a friend. Finally, young single people can experience firsthand what it's like to be married to a man. "I don't make any special effort," he told CBS News. I don't initiate conversation. I reply to chit-chat but that's it. Morimoto has since become a minor celebrity, and he was almost booked on CNN until they found out he was a minor celebrity and not just a minor. Yes. Comes full circle all the way back to the A-block. CNN. Perverts. Curtis is this man a hero?

SLIWA: There's no doubt.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SLIWA: Have you ever been to Japan?

LI: Many times.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SLIWA: OK. So, he is the flip the script to the geisha girl.

GUTFELD: Really?

SLIWA: Yes.

GUTFELD: OK.

SLIWA: Now, I don't think any of you would know about that. I don't think you even if you did, would, would convey that to this audience.

GUTFELD: Thank you.

SLIWA: But a geisha woman is supposed to be knowledgeable, conversationalist, a friend, it doesn't necessarily mean that they have the urge to merge, right?

GUTFELD: So much we've learned from him.

SLIWA: All encompassing, and even understand sumo wrestling. Yet, in this case, this guy has to know Jack Diddly Squat, just be there.

GUTFELD: You're right.

SLIWA: Inhale, exhale. Because there are a lot of people without anybody that they just want to know, there's somebody who will be next to them.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SLIWA: He meeting a need. He's meeting a need.

GUTFELD: Yes, he's like -- he's, he's, he's quenching the loneliness we all have, Susan.

LI: Yes. Geishas are very talented.

SLIWA: Oh, whoa, whoa, I'm not going to go there. I'm not going to go there.

LI: No one's talking about the urge to merge. We're just talking about entertaining, serving --

GUTFELD: Driving.

LI: -- you know, performing.

GUTFELD: Maybe, they're good drivers urging to merge. What -- it says good economic -- is this a good job to have in the coming future?

LI: Well, I think he probably makes more than minimum wage. There's probably high demand for that in Japan. You've been to Tokyo, right?

GUTFELD: Yes. I love it.

LI: Weird, wacky. One of my favorite countries in the world. But also Tokyo --

GUTFELD: It's actually a city.

LI: Well, it is a city. You're right. Japan is a country. Thank you there.

GUTFELD: I love correcting.

LI: Grammar police. I really appreciate that.

GUTFELD: You look so excited.

GUTFELD: My point is, there's high suicide rates in Japan. Sorry to breakdown. OK. And so, there's a minister of loneliness, and so I think these jobs actually help society.

GUTFELD: All right.

LI: These people that are looking for groups.

GUTFELD: I want to call you a wet blanket but I'm not sure if that's even allowed. Well, I don't know is a wet, is a wet blanket offensive, Emily?

COMPAGNO: I mean, no. And we know what you're talking about, but you're not. Because here's -- that you guys, this is what like totally breaks my heart. So, he has been booked to share cake with a lonely soul on their birthday.

GUTFELD: I feel bed.

COMPAGNO: Yes, you should. He accompanied somebody to go shopping because they had, they were so painfully shy. He was paid to literally be an audience for a street musician.

GUTFELD: Now, I love him.

COMPAGNO: I kind of love him. He's basically there to listen and to be a companion. And by the way, you guys my name, Compagno, means companion. So, I feel like this should be my job to. Yes. Yes!

GUTFELD: You know, what's great about Emily. She made it all about her. That last word to you. This seems like something you might buy.

TIMPF: Well, no, because --

GUTFELD: Because you always need to have somebody to complain to.

TIMPF: Yes, I do but that's what the Internet's for, first of all. Second of all, this man, it's not nothing. That doesn't count as doing nothing. He's going and doing activities. Doing nothing and you stay home you like lumber around like just like a bag of bones and blood on the couch, just feel yourself losing everything that makes you human. Like this is not that going out. And watching someone eat and barely talking like that's what like most first dates are like, that's not doing nothing.

GUTFELD: Or no -- it's like it's more most marriages after the 25th year.

TIMPF: Stay tuned, I guess.

GUTFELD: I love this guy. I've come full circle. He is. He is, I was going to say an American hero, but it's he's in Japan which a country.

LI: Yes. I've heard.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes, all right. We are -- we got to take a break. Shut up, Emily. We'll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Because Emily broke a mug just now, we are out of time. Thanks to Curtis Sliwa, Emily Compagno, Susan Li, Kat Timpf. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with evil Shannon Bream is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld. And now, I don't have mug.

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