To help fight stress of upcoming finals, colleges are using therapy llamas. University of South Florida and Radford University are trucking in llamas and other beasts to help students cope.

So this is great for the students, poor things. But what about the llamas who have to absorb the noxious, annoying angst of fragile idlers as they moan about their insulated existence and perhaps the easiest phase of their comfy lives?

Yes, some studies show that pets lower stress, but what about the stress of the pet? Talk about torture. Imagine being a llama and you're bussed miles from the comforts of a pleasant petting zoo only to have some whiny bozo with issues running their bony, stinky fingers through your gorgeous fur.

Imagine a poor bunny -- yes, they're using bunnies, too -- forced to sit on the lap of a gender studies major griping about how studying has really cut into her social justice puppetry theater. I'd put these critters on suicide watch, because if I were an alpaca, guinea pig or a slow loris, I'd hurl myself into traffic before becoming a stress sponge for these pampered slackers.

And where will this end anyway? When these precious pupils graduate, how will they handle the real world? Will llamas accompany you to a job interview? Yes, that will go over well. Well, unless it's this one.

My stress levels have already plummeted. Thanks, Lorenzo.