'Gutfeld!' on Lia Thomas, inflation

close

Video

Gutfeld blasts 'liberals' on inflation

Greg Gutfeld discusses rising prices in America under Biden.

This is a rush transcript of "Gutfeld!" on March 22, 2022. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Oh, look at that. You`re here. Welcome to the show. I`m Bruce Jenner. I kid but since Caitlyn isn`t using and I figured why not. It`s like a box seat at a ballgame if it`s empty might as well move in from the cheap seats. Anyway, but in all seriousness, you got to hand it to Caitlyn, because it took balls the size of weather balloons to criticize media darling and trans swimmer, Lia Thomas, saying biological boys should not compete against biological girls.

Gender may not be on the cover of Wheaties anymore, but she should be the spokesperson for planters, because she`s got some major nuts on her. By the way, Wheaties is the worst tasting cereal ever. It makes Count Chocula tastes like a $60.00 steak. I think that`s why they put athletes on the box because no fat person would dare eat it. Now, Jenner says she has no beef with Thomas, but felt the NCAA wasn`t tough enough in allowing Thomas to compete in women`s races.

And she`s right. Thomas just feed a bunch of biological girls in the 500- meter whatever. Honestly, I don`t follow it. Swimming is for people too lazy to bathe after exercising. Sorry, Trace. But in this controversy of letting biological males be biological females, there has to be a sane position to take. First, I don`t think a dude chooses to switch genders in order to beat girls in the sport that, you know, before he sucked at.

Because cheating with steroids would be just much easier. But remember, as a dude, Thomas was ranked at 462, one spot ahead of a rusty anchor. And that was a chick, she`s number one. She should be the spokesperson for chlorine. Strong enough for a man but made for a woman. But I wonder if the controversy matters to her or does she try to ignore it?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

LIA THOMAS, AMERICAN SWIMMER: I try to ignore it as much as I can. I try to focus on my swimming. What I need to do to get ready for my races and just try to block out everything else.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: OK. That`s weirdly selfish. It`s like me putting on a dress and doing The View and acting like it`s no big deal. The sad thing is I`d still be the hottest. But it also kick their butts. It`s not hard. It`s The View, they need tech support to count to 10. But it`s not about switching genders at all. That`s just a distraction. I doubt winning swim meets is the reason anyone would change their sex. Swimming is hard enough.

I won`t go near a kiddie pool unless there`s a lifeguard on duty. But it`s about what you do after switching genders. It`s common sense. You might even call it common courtesy. Perhaps what Thomas is doing is a byproduct of masculine selfishness, like eating the entire pizza you were supposed to save for your spouse when she got home from work. That`s the striking part. A dude becomes a man and then kicks the crap out of girls of the sport.

It`s just piggish. I mean, not many women are becoming men and doing the same thing. Or if they do they lose more often than Hillary Clinton. So the more Thomas wins as a chick, the more of a chauvinist she appears to be. I mean, you should see that even if your bangs are in your eyes. No one is saying it`s wrong for you to pursue the sport you love. But when you have a clear advantage and for some reason, you don`t care.

It`s disrespectful and it`s narcissistic. But by sticking up for women, Jenner shows the respect she has for the fair sex, which seems missing with Lia, as she happily destroys the competition. And Jenner is doing it in the face of a media who condemns Caitlyn, while they desperately cling to the untenable woke position. An NBC op-ed actually compared Thomas to Jackie Robinson, which is weird.

They don`t look at all alike, except maybe in size and muscle mass. Reka Gyorgy, not sure if I got that right. A Virginia Tech swimmer took issue with the NCAA rules allowing transgendered women to compete against biological females. After she missed the cut off for the constellation final in the 500 freestyles, he blamed Thomas -- Thomas`s dominance in the race. And a letter, she claimed their rules are harmful to biological females and that every event transgendered athletes competed in was one spot taken away from biological females, herself included.

You know, it`s almost as though biological women should have their own league so they aren`t crushed by biological men. That`s crazy. Ron DeSantis isn`t he the commissioner of swimming or something? He`s also pretty ticked off.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GOV. RON DESANTIS (R-FL): Now, the NCAA is basically taking efforts to destroy women`s athletics. They`re trying to undermine the integrity of the competition, and they`re crowning somebody else, the woman`s champion, and we think that`s wrong.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So, he issued a proclamation declaring the second place finisher, Floridian Emma Weyant, the true champion. But in short, Lia crush the female competition, I`m not devastated, but then I`m not a woman who swam all her life competitively. I`m just a biological male who drinks competitively and I got the trophies and liver to prove it. Swimming is something I do when I need to pee at the beach.

That`s true. I`m just warming the water for everybody else. But I`m looking at this and I can`t deny what I see. The NCAA seems weren`t interested in appearing woke that protecting its athletes. But to make this ideology work, you have to erase the distinction between trans and biological women. That means it`s not only women being erased from the record books of their own sports. They`re being erased, period. No pun intended, since men can have periods too.

So, wait until the next Lia Thomas comes along and wants to play a contact sport like maybe women`s lacrosse and leaves a trail of injured women on the field. Maybe then the NCAA and their lawyers will finally say uncle, or should I say aunt?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let`s welcome tonight`s guests. One Gallagher`s known for smashing melons but this one is known for smashing good looks. Chief Breaking News Correspondent Trace Gallagher. He knows the DOJ like I know the VOJ. That`s vodka and orange juice to you. Former White House National Security Council Aide, Kash Patel. And she`s former centerfold for Wine Enthusiast Magazine. Fox News Anchor Julie Banderas.

And like windows in her drug dealers cars, he`s always blacked out. Fox News Contributor Kat Timpf. All right. I got to go to Trace because you`re -- this the first time you`re on the new show. It`s good to see you. You claimed in the green room, our spacious green room where we have the hot tub that you discovered me. Explain.

TRACE GALLAGHER, FOX NEWS CHIEF BREAKING NEWS CORRESPONDENT: I tell everybody who loves your show. Look, I discovered the guy and they`re like, come on. I said listen, me and Julie and I`m glad Julie`s on the show tonight had this show 60 --

JULIE BANDERAS, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: No coincidence.

GALLAGHER: Called Studio B Weekend and Roger Ailes calls me and he says, listen, I got this guy, Greg Gutfeld, he`s going to come down there. Put him on the show. It`s going to be great. He`s kind of political and really funny. Well, it turns out he was really political and kind of funny.

BANDERAS: A little bit.

GALLAGHER: He came on and literally forged Hillary Clinton. I mean (INAUDIBLE) her and I thought, oh, my God. I said, Greg, shouldn`t we have evidence before you say that she was given orders to John Gotti? I don`t like get the connection there. He`s like (INAUDIBLE) so the next time he came on, I said, maybe -- I told the producer, maybe we should balance this guy out a little bit. Get somebody else who is -- so yes.

I -- Julie Banderas and I discovered Greg Gutfeld. And now, Greg`s got 19 shows in his hat buddy has to beg to get on this one.

GUTFELD: You know, I think we`ve come full circle. You discovered me and I`m ending your career. Trace, quickly, I want to ask you, you were actually a pro athlete. You were a professional water skier.

GALLAGHER: I was.

GUTFELD: I bet you look great. It wasn`t --

GALLAGHER: I wish I had the picture.

GUTFELD: Yes. Oh, I have some, believe me, on the -- on the ceiling of my apartment which you`ll see later. Do biological difference -- do biological differences matter in waterskiing, competitive waterskiing?

GALLAGHER: You know, there were -- there were -- there were men on the team that would wear the female outfits but that was by design because there were a couple of funny skits and thing but --

GUTFELD: Oh.

GALLAGHER: I know. That the girls would climb the pyramid, they`d be on the top and the men on the bottom because they`re bigger. And it really in the whole concept of this is you have to come down on DeSantis`s side on this because it`s really not Lia Thomas`s fault, at least I think.

GUTFELD: Right.

GALLAGHER: Because, you know, she got the testosterone thresholds, right? She waited the two years, did the thing. It`s all the NCAA. The NCAA screwed this up. They thought it was a little bit of science, just like COVID through a little bit of science and a lot of politics and you get this whole thing covered. The NCAA needs to accommodate this, they need to come up with either an open category, they need to make the rules fit so that these girls and I`m a father of two daughters, that these girls don`t waste their whole lives and have some.

He`s six-foot-one, right? He`s got longer arm range.

(CROSSTALK)

GALLAGHER: He`s got bigger shoulder, she`s got a lot of armory.

BANDERAS: He was reading a bright --

(CROSSTALK)

GALLAGHER: Shoulders -- right.

(CROSSTALK)

GALLAGHER: The whole -- dynamically, it`s the whole thing where, you know, in two years, you will see the University of Southern California will have a men`s 15th best tennis player, will wait two years, identify as a female play on the women`s team and his serve or her served will still be 150 miles per hour where the woman serve as 120 miles per hour. These are astronomical differences that have to be worked out.

GUTFELD: But do you buy that? Do you -- do you think anybody`s really going to switch in order to win in sports?

BANDERAS: No, I don`t think that she`s switched in order to win in sports. And let me just say because I am a, you know, journalist. So I have some facts here.

GUTFELD: Oh --

(CROSSTALK)

BANDERAS: Yes. Before switching, speaking of switching to the women`s team, and I don`t mean, the women`s team biologically. OK.

GUTFELD: Got it.

BANDERAS: I just want to make sure I don`t want --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: The distinction.

BANDERAS: She was ranked 462nd when competing with other men.

GUTFELD: Right.

BANDERAS: So -- and by the way, this past Saturday --

GUTFELD: I said it in my monologue.

BANDERAS: She -- oh, OK.

GUTFELD: You weren`t listening.

BANDERAS: No, I was but I was staring at Kat. She looks so hot tonight. Also, she`s -- she plays last in the 100 yard freestyle over the weekend as well. So, her collegiate careers kind of over. I say she go into golf or curling. And I too, by the way, identify as male, but you can call me she, it`s fine. And I love peeing in the ocean. And that`s the only reason I swim as well. So we have that in common.

GUTFELD: Oh, that`s beautiful.

BANDERAS: Yes.

GUTFELD: I feel really warm around you.

BANDERAS: You should.

GALLAGHER: Bu listen, I -- can I just say William Thomas was one of the best on the men`s team? On the men`s team at Penn, he, William Thomas two years ago was among the best. So he was among the best swimmers at Penn, 462 in the nation, and he did really well as a man which even makes it worse because he was one of the top men came over clearly he is dominating in the field.

GUTFELD: I had no idea they knew so much about this, Kash. Do you know a lot about this topic?

KASH PATEL, FORMER WHITE HOUSE NATIONAL SECURITY COUNCIL AIDE: I thought you`re the only switch hitter in the room. So, expect (INAUDIBLE) I think the NCAA is only beat out by corruption by FIFA and the International Olympic Committee. But I always, you know, as a guy who desperately tried to get into D1 College Sports and nobody recruited me except one football team. I ended up being a cheerleader.

GUTFELD: Oh, were you a cheerleader?

PATEL: No.

GUTFELD: No.

PATEL: I was the guy that got drunk. It caused basketball games and led a lot of cheers --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: OK.

PATEL: So, sort of.

BANDERAS: Oh, that makes me a cheerleader then.

PATEL: Yes. See?

GUTFELD: You identify as a cheerleader.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: -- you know.

PATEL: I do, but the only -- the only thing I actually am like sort of baffled by is what is Title Nine for now? Like I don`t understand. We put in so much time and money on Title Nine. Rightly so, I think in a lot of areas to give women sports, equal funding, equal scholarships, equal opportunities as men sports. So, do we now cross fund? Do they give scholarship slots to women for men and then for women?

I just -- I just think they obliterated Title Nine in a matter of weeks. And they didn`t think that work.

GUTFELD: It`s new ground there, Kat. Do you have any solutions for this? Is it conundrum or conundrum? Conundrum.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Great job.

GUTFELD: Thank you. Conundrum. I`ve never actually said that word out loud. I always wanted to. I think I broke new ground. I think I`m the real hero here.

TIMPF: Probably right. Like -- so, honestly, I am like -- I am terrified to talk about this. And then I think that when I find myself wishing that I could instead talk about like a literal murderous war, because that feels less touchy to me than a college women`s swimming competition, that maybe like the way we approach this discourse is there`s a problem there. Because obviously transphobia is bad. I don`t doubt that Lia Thomas had to face transphobia and I think that`s wrong.

Also, you mentioned the qualifications that, you know, you -- the USA swimming rules, there was new ones that were put into place not for -- not for NCAA but -- that she likely would not have qualified under those rules. So, there are legitimate reasons to have questions about this that have nothing to do with transphobia. And I think it`s bad to just blanket label. Anyone who says anything short of you go girl as transphobic, not just for the biologically female athletes, but also for people who want trans acceptance.

Because there are a lot of people who have questions about this, who have concerns about this, think maybe this wasn`t fair, who are not allowed to say that. And that is not acceptance. If anything that can prevent acceptance, because it breeds a lot of resentment. It`s just fake.

GUTFELD: Yes. And I -- but I go back. My original point is, what can we separate the issue of can and should? Just because you can do something, doesn`t mean you should.

TIMPF: But I always do.

GUTFELD: I know, that is true. All right. Up next. Is your salad or chicken wrap more pricey due to inflation crap?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Will your retirement feel the crunch when you try to buy lunch? It`s true unless you`re rolling like a pimp. You can`t afford the shrimp. It`s true. Lunchflation is sweeping the nation as workers returning to the office faced insane price hikes on popular lunch items. Thanks to a surge in menu prices not seen in 40 years. You`re going to have to take a second job to save up for that tuna sandwich.

Since last March, the average price of wraps is up 18 percent. Sandwiches, 14 percent, salads, 11 percent. But who cares, right? Burgers, eight percent. Meanwhile, popular chains like Sweet Green and Potbelly have raised prices roughly six percent since the start of the year. And to save money, McDonald`s replaced special sauce with special report sauce. It`s made from Bret Baier`s aftershave.

I can relate to this absurd price hike. By soup from Hale and Hardy was $17.00 yesterday. I`m not joking, which makes it far too expensive to dump on my assistant if it`s cold. It`s true. Meanwhile, other companies are capitalizing on the price hikes in really unusual ways.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hey, fat ass. Are you tired of lunches that leave you stuffed and bloated?

JOE DEVITO, COMEDIAN: Not really. Did you just call me fat as?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Well, bloat no more with lunch truffles. The pre-made lunches for today`s smaller appetites.

DEVITO: I think someone`s already been eating this. And why are their matches?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Let`s not worry about that now. At just $83.00 per meal, Lunchafulls are one heck of a deal.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: He`s right. You know.

DEVITO: You can hear him too?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, yes. He`s the one who gave me the courage to finally murder my wife`s boyfriend.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Lunchafalls, they`re for everyone.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Kash. Your name is Kash. So, technically you due to inflation will be worth less.

PATEL: What?

GUTFELD: Yes.

PATEL: It just ruin my mother`s evening.

GUTFELD: Is she watching?

PATEL: Probably.

GUTFELD: Oh.

PATEL: Yes. She`s like your number one supporter.

GUTFELD: Oh, good for her. She`s probably wishes I were her son.

PATEL: Probably. You`re like the -- you`re like the white me with more money. That`s probably true.

GUTFELD: I figured you wouldn`t being in the tech industry would --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: -- very rich.

PATEL: I have -- my tech business is booming. The funny thing is it`s about to be, we`ll come back to that.

GUTFELD: I knew it. Yes. I could see the future. Do you have thoughts on this topic?

PATEL: Well, cue the music, it`s peanut butter jelly times, peanut butter jelly time, no, OK. You guys totally missed it.

GUTFELD: I`m old.

PATEL: You get it.

GALLAGHER: Julie gets it.

BANDERAS: I`ll sing it.

PATEL: It took me -- I think you`re probably asking the wrong guy because I grew up eating peanut butter and jelly for 10 years and then my parents made enough money for me to get Lunchables.

GUTFELD: Hmm.

PATEL: So, I stayed out of the inflation market because we were just priced out of it. I can`t believe you`ve paid $17.00 for freaking soup.

GUTFELD: It`s amazing.

PATEL: It`s -- does Fox pay for that or --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: No, I paid -- I give -- I give my give my sister 20 bucks. And --

BANDERAS: Oh, you let her keep the change?

PATEL: Yes.

GUTFELD: Well, you know what -- you know who I am.

(CROSSTALK)

GALLAGHER: Where`s my three bucks?

(CROSSTALK)

PATEL: Can you give me a food car?

GUTFELD: Yes, I can.

PATEL: OK.

GUTFELD: It`ll be -- you can -- it`ll be a punch card.

PATEL: Yes.

GUTFELD: So every time you`re going to have to kiss me. And then the 10th kiss, like a punch in the face.

PATEL: Don`t get me incentives.

GUTFELD: I don`t even know what I`m saying. And I haven`t even been drinking yet. Kat. Do you even eat lunch? Pierogi is going up in price? Have you --

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: So, it was like body shaming and then kind of racist.

GUTFELD: I tried to put them together.

TIMPF: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

PATEL: He was racist here.

TIMPF: I actually also usually don`t eat lunch.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: She knows it. Are you eating more beans?

TIMPF: I have nicotine gum and Vyvanse but like well, the Vyvanse I have in the morning because I have ADHD. So that was also kind of ablest. But I guess this proves that when over the summer Joe Biden said inflation was temporary. He was kind of right because that inflation was temporary. We have way bigger inflation.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And it`s going to keep getting worse.

GUTFELD: It is going to get worse. You know, Julie, they were also telling us -- telling us, I guess it was a couple of days ago that we should eat more beans. More beans. I don`t know if that`s a good idea for you.

BANDERAS: That was a married person who said that for sure. I actually --

GUTFELD: Think if people do not eat beans.

BANDERAS: Absolutely.

GUTFELD: Yes --

(CROSSTALK)

BANDERAS: -- who married eat beans. That`s actually -- that`s a great idea.

GUTFELD: You`ve already given up.

BANDERAS: Canned beans, I gave up many years ago, long before now. So -- but, yes, I say canned beans is the way to go. I support that.

GUTFELD: Do you have any statistics you`d like to share that I`ve already mentioned?

GALLAGHER: Is there a particular can of beans?

BANDERAS: Well, yes. Goya I think is good. You know, go Spanish.

GUTFELD: Do you know -- in fact, you can`t spell Lagom without --

TIMPF: You and me. You said that yesterday.

GUTFELD: I did. It`s true. You can`t spell --

BANDERAS: Why is it burning in my brain?

GUTFELD: You can`t spell Lagom without you and me, Julie.

GALLAGHER: So bad.

BANDERAS: Where did you learn that stupid --

GUTFELD: It came to me last night like --

(CROSSTALK)

BANDERAS: Oh, my God --

GUTFELD: You have not said anything of substance in this topic.

BANDERAS: Well, OK. So, I would say as far as going out to eat, then make your lunch at home and take it to the office. And we don`t all have assistants that fetch us wraps. So, that`s another segment.

GALLAGHER: Right.

BANDERAS: There. Is that substantive enough for you?

GUTFELD: I`ll take it, you know, but I`ll rely on Trace.

BANDERAS: All right.

GUTFELD: Trace, this is one of those situations where forget solutions, just deal with it. That`s what we always get from the damn liberals.

BANDERAS: Do.

GUTFELD: The damn liberal. So, you`re just like, ah, inflation. We can`t solve inflation. We`ll just -- you just going to have to suffer but we won`t suffer because we`re rich liberals. Do you like that?

GALLAGHER: Let me --

(CROSSTALK)

BANDERAS: Yes, I like that.

GUTFELD: That`s my red meat.

GALLAGHER: The whole -- the whole concept of this, is people are now just coming back to the office. I mean, I was in Manhattan a few months ago. Nobody was at this place. I go to on the corner. Today there was a line out the door, people are just now coming back, the suit you need to buy after being in sweats for two years is 50 percent more. It`s also more to dry clean it. You got to get gas to get in here.

The lunch is 15 bucks where it used to be nine, that cup of coffee in the morning is five bucks. And if you are on the edge if you`re a Democrat, moderate Democrat, Independent, you don`t like it and you`re going this way. That`s why the Biden administration is freaking out now blaming Putin, blaming everybody because now people are back in the mix and they`re like what happened?

I don`t care, you know, Putin might be laughing, Biden sitting in the chair. It`s happened on his watch. And if you`re right in the middle, you`re going this way. You`re bumping this way when you go by six-buck gas.

GUTFELD: Yes. How long before you`re going to see people the street, you know, fighting over an organic crunchy salad from Pret A Manger.

TIMPF: Everyone in there always looks so sad.

GALLAGHER: Is that how you pronounce it? Pret A Manger?

GUTFELD: Well, that`s how I pronounce it. I mean, you could --

(CROSSTALK)

GALLAGHER: Pret A Manger.

GUTFELD: Pret A Mange. I think that would be weird, Trace.

GALLAGHER: Right.

GUTFELD: But it might be a good opportunity for inflation, could lead to deflation. I -- eating less lose weights. Ah, starve. That`s what I say. Because I don`t give a damn. All right.

Up next. Spring break criminal activity or Supreme Court inclusivity. Hmm.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

JONATHAN HUNT, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: This is a Fox News Alert. I`m Jonathan Hunt live in Lviv, Ukraine. Ukrainian forces on the offensive fighting to take back territory, a big victory in a key suburb of Kyiv. Ukrainian forces claiming they took Makariv back in a counter offensive.

It comes amid reports Russian troops are becoming increasingly demoralized, and weakened. Russian media briefly reporting 10,000 soldiers have been killed, then backtracking claiming it was a hacked report. Ukrainian forces also fighting off constant Russian efforts to occupy Mariupol, the port city now, largely lays in ruins continuously bombarded by the Russians.

Meanwhile, Russian President Vladimir Putin reportedly spoke by phone today with French President Emmanuel Macron. Peace talks were discussed but so far, no reports whether there were any results. I`m Jonathan Hunt now back to "GUTFELD."

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Welcome back. You know what, it`s time for --

ANNOUNCER: "THE AUDIENCE DECIDES THE STORY."

GUTFELD: True. We`re letting you decide what we`re going to cover. I`m going to present two topics and we`ll do the one that gets the most viewer votes. So, if you like the story, just smash the up arrow on your volume button. Just hit it. This is cutting-edge technology not seen since the electric turkey carver.

First story, the historic Ketanji Brown Jackson confirmation hearing before the Senate Judiciary Committee is there, she discussed her judicial, her judicial philosophy as well as why she was defending Gitmo detainees.

The second story, horny hot spring breakers wreaking havoc in Miami Beach, they`re causing so much mayhem. The city officials have actually declared a state of emergency.

All right, times up. Voting is now closed. And surprise, it looks like sexy spring breakers win. Not even close. All right, so Miami Beach mayor`s issued a state of emergency because college kids are running amok. They might call in the National Guard or maybe a bigger beer bomb.

The order includes a midnight to 6:00 a.m. curfew on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. The city leaders hope it will quell attic control revelers along ocean drive after a string of recent shooting, likely fueled by drugs, alcohol and sex. Coincidentally, Trace Gallagher`s three favorite things.

I think we have a picture of you, Trace, from your days and spring break. Do we have that picture somewhere? Look at you. Back when you were, back when you were known as Tracy Gallagher. What is that? Is that a team?

TRACE GALLAGHER, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CHIEF BREAKING NEWS CORRESPONDENT: That`s my college football team, the University of San Diego , Tereros, where I was a quarterback there for --

GUTFELD: You`re quarterback?

GALLAGHER: Uh huh.

GUTFELD: Of course, you were, I bet you just, you just were like a --

GALLAGHER: Mediocre arm --

GUTFELD: For chicks. You were a bug lamp for chicks. They just flew to the, they flew to that bright light that was Trace, and then they died.

KASH PATEL, FORMER CHIEF OF STAFF TO THE ACTING UNITED STATES SECRETARY OF DEFENSE UNDER PRESIDENT TRUMP: Yes, look at the hair. Man, oh man. Right, Jules?

JULIE BANDERAS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Good hair. You look really hot. I got to be honest.

GUTFELD: What`s happened to spring break days?

GALLAGHER: Time is a cruel master, Greg. Time is a cruel master.

BANDERAS: You`re still gorgeous, Trace.

GUTFELD: Oh, you -- guys, get a hot tub.

PATEL: In the green room.

BANDERAS: In the green room after the show.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. There`s no water, but you don`t need it -- you`ll make your own.

GALLAGHER: My wife is Tracy, right? So, I married a girl named Tracy. We`re met on a blind date in Vegas, where Kash lives, right? A buddy of mine, a sports guy. Well-known sports guy, Colin Cowherd, sets us up, she sees me on television the night before tries to cancel the date. She`s like, oh, no, I`m not going out with that guy. She can`t get a hold of me, she`s got to go on the date. Here we are, 27 years later. She`s Tracy, I had to change my name. No, I`m kidding, I changed it a long time before that because my dad used to call me Trace.

GUTFELD: How ironic that you changed your name from Tracy to Trace, and when someone goes why? You go, yes.

GALLAGHER: Yes.

GUTFELD: That`s a brilliant joke, you jerks! And I just came up with it.

PATEL: We lost the why.

GALLAGHER: Lost the why.

BANDERAS: Oh god, I didn`t even get it.

GUTFELD: She didn`t even get it?

PATEL: I was doing on your earlier brilliance. Yes, you and me.

GUTFELD: Kash, spring break has changed. It`s getting more shooty --

PATEL: OK, I got -- all right, fine, I`ll give you that. So, I might be biased in this one. So --

GUTFELD: Yes.

PATEL: I was a public defender in Miami for eight years. So, I actually live there.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PATEL: And defended basically everyone that would get arrested for sex, drugs, and rock and roll.

GUTFELD: Right.

PATEL: And the city suck to live in when it got turned upside down.

GUTFELD: Right.

PATEL: So, it wasn`t fun. But I guess you need a place in America to go and you know, if you`re going to have a place, it should be in the international republic of Miami as I call it because the place is not a part of America. But it is bedlam down there, and I used to -- on Memorial Day and Labor Day when it was the biggest parties of the year, I would go on vacation.

GUTFELD: Yes, that`s when you leave. Don`t even do an Airbnb, because it won`t be the same. People, people don`t think toilets are just for you know pooping. No -- oh, maybe, I got that reversed. Refrigerators are not just for -- you know, Kat, declaring spring break a state emergency seems kind of redundant.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Yes, like, I look, don`t like the shooting part.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: You know, never party so hard, you shoot a cop for sure.

GUTFELD: No. Yes.

TIMPF: But think about it, it`s spring break. So, people are coming from other states to come party in Miami, maybe states where they`ve been on lockdown for several years.

GUTFELD: Yes, that`s true.

TIMPF: So, I think we should blame anyone -- we should blame Fauci.

GUTFELD: Oh, you know, Fauci is -- yes, I agree, I agree.

TIMPF: This is the second year in a row this has happened, declaring state emergency. What`s been going on the past two years? It`s Fauci fault.

GUTFELD: It is Fauci`s fault. Julie, I have a feeling that`s you don`t need a spring break because every day is spring break for you.

BANDERAS: That`s true. But I was just down in Miami in February and people like to party there but the craziest thing I did was pee in the ocean. So, I don`t know what the hell these people are doing. And I did go out -- I actually, where did these people come from? But I guess for spring break, which I haven`t celebrated a spring break and like, ever, so I don`t know. I mean, I think it`s kind of sad, but I think they have every right to go out and party.

GALLAGHER: Listen, pee in the ocean. You and Gutfeld with the peeing in the ocean thing. I live in Manhattan Beach, don`t come to visit.

PATEL: Trace went on different kinds of spring breaks. I would like to hear about those.

GUTFELD: Oh, you know, those were way better. We don`t even -- those are secret spring breaks. By the way, you don`t have to -- you have to blame Fauci and Joe Biden, because Joe Biden did the what the TPP -- was that it`s called?

PATEL: Toilet Paper Party?

GUTFELD: No.

PATEL: That`s a joke!

GUTFELD: The stimulus.

GALLAGHER: The BBB, Build Back Better.

GUTFELD: The people use stimulus to fly places, and then Fauci created the shutdown -- I blame Biden and Fauci.

PATEL: I`m posting on Truth Social tonight, TPP.

GUTFELD: Oh, there you go.

PATEL: There you go. I just did it.

GUTFELD: Fantastic.

GALLAGHER: Cities hate spring break until the spring breakers go away.

BANDERAS: That`s right. They do bring a lot of money.

GALLAGHER: Palm Springs, Daytona Beach, you know Panama City, like come back.

GUTFELD: I -- you know, great spring break town that people don`t know about Milpitas, California.

GALLAGHER: Nice.

GUTFELD: Coming up, she picked a festive occasion to joke about Caucasians.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: She made a joke about race, and ended up with egg on her face. Over the weekend, the mayor of Boston, they have one, Michelle Wu, spoke at our city`s annual St. Patrick`s Day breakfast and her comments cause more of a stir than the spoon in Kat`s daily Irish coffee.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MICHELLE WU, BOSTON MAYOR: This past winter was pretty intense. Trial by snow. Trial by fire, Fighters Union. I`m getting used to dealing with problems that are expensive, disruptive and white. I`m talking about snowflakes, snowflakes. I mean snow storm, snowflakes.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: That`s a good one. Who writes her material, Jimmy Kimmel? Taking a shot at White people during a celebration of the Irish. You know that famous demographic of immigrants that were considered second class citizens for centuries. Oh, she`s worse at reading a room than David Duke at a bar mitzvah.

Of course, Michelle herself is a child of Taiwanese immigrants. And as a Democrat, she`s immune to accusations of racism, even when she makes racist jokes. But thankfully, a roomful of Irish people were probably too drunk to remember comments. A bigot would say. I hope you learned a lesson from me about that. Kash.

PATEL: Yes. Are you offended? I hope you are because we need at least one person on the set to be offended or we don`t have a story.

PATEL: Well, I`m not offended because I`m the only brown guy here. I`m offended because I`m black Irish. So, I think you know, she was taking a jab at St. Patty`s Day. On St. Patty`s Day, I`ve always said everyone`s freaking Irish on St. Patty`s Day including snowflakes.

GUTFELD: I didn`t know you were black Irish.

PATEL: That`s a total lie, but it just, it would`ve work better if you didn`t call me out.

GUTFELD: Everything you say isn`t true, Kash.

PATEL: That`s what the fake news media says. That`s why I`m suing them all.

GUTFELD: You are bizarre!

PATEL: My God!

GUTFELD: Kat, she was just, as you -- it`s all and good fun, right? Or should she be imprisoned? If you only have those two choices.

TIMPF: I was going to say, I love that this multiple choice. I mean, look, she was --I guess, I did a lot of research on this brunch, which was I`m glad I did. Because I learned they`re all supposed to make bad jokes.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: So, it`s a tradition or whatever. But you know, she made a joke, try to make a joke didn`t work, you know, and it`s happened to me and I`m a professional.

GUTFELD: It`s never happened to me so well.

TIMPF: So, well --

BANDERAS: Whatever.

GUTFELD: It`s happened 18 times in this show so far, tonight. Anyway --

TIMPF: I -- yes --

GUTFELD: You`re, you`re trailing off

TIMPF: I don`t know a lot about Boston culture, but I learned a lot today.

GUTFELD: That`s good, that`s good. Trace, if you flip the variables and she said black instead of white, oh, it would be a big deal.

GALLAGHER: A big deal. But listen, as the Irish guy on the thing.

GUTFELD: That`s right. Your last name is Gallagher.

GALLAGHER: Gallagher. You know, that`s the whole thing, you`re like -- and my family`s Boston Irish going back 100-plus.

GUTFELD: So, they`re criminals.

GALLAGHER: So, they`re all criminals.

GUTFELD: A bigot would say.

GALLAGHER: A bigot would say. And listen and you can you can criticize, you can make fun of the Irish all you want as long as you give them a drum of, a drum or two of a whiskey.

PATEL: It`s a (INAUDIBLE) drum.

GALLAGHER: (INAUDIBLE) drum is all you need and then --

GUTFELD: Boy, where I come from a (INAUDIBLE) gram means.

GALLAGHER: Drum. Drum.

GUTFELD: Don`t get it in the eye, that`s what I say.

BANDERAS: Always, it`s like my theme to my life. Don`t get me in the eye. Are we still talking about --

PATEL: We`re still on TV.

TIMPF: You are on TV right now.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

BANDERAS: I thought this was streaming online. Wait, this is actually a televised show?

GUTFELD: Is this -- would you call this like racist privilege, if you`re part of --

BANDERAS: Yes.

GUTFELD: OK.

BANDERAS: Yes. No, the answer is yes. Now, A. I went to college, which is probably a surprise; and B. I went to college in Boston. So, I know Boston well. And there are, first of all, a lot of white people in Boston, a lot of Irish people in Boston, and you don`t piss off the Irish on St. Patrick`s Day of all things.

I mean, they`re very proud. It`s a -- I mean, I don`t identify as Irish on St. Patrick`s Day, I don`t get that whole thing. Like you`re either Irish or you`re not. But for her to make a comment like that, I think is completely unacceptable. And she looks like she`s 12 though, so she has some growing to do, and maybe she`ll learn eventually.

GUTFELD: I am, I am. I think I`m like 20-some odd percent Irish, and I don`t care. You know, I just don`t you know, I just let (BLEEP) roll right off my back, you know what I`m saying? I don`t play by anybody`s rules. What am I doing?

TIMPF: I don`t know.

PATEL: What`s the other, what`s the other 83 percent?

TIMPF: I need to know.

GUTFELD: You know that I am, I`m like 30-some odd percent Ashkenazi, which I found out? I was not aware of that. I got a little bit of some other crap I can`t remember.

TIMPF: This is 100 percent interesting.

GUTFELD: I know. Am I? All right, shut up, everybody.

GALLAGHER: Remember, remember the old joke?

PATEL: You should`ve gone with all of the above.

GALLAGHER: Remember the old joke: Two Irish guys walk out of a bar. It could happen right?

GUTFELD: Look at you. All right, Trace, that`s enough.

GALLAGHER: Sorry.

GUTFELD: Up next, those Googling facts, ruin how your memory reacts?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Does your memory become more frugal when it knows it can count on Google? A new study out of the University of Cologne where I special order my body spray, found that we are more likely to forget information that we found using a search engine like Google, claims that our brains realize that the information is easily accessible, and so they don`t bother to store it be more likely to remember how we access the info than the information itself. It`s like how I forget my wife`s birthday because my sister buys the gifts. God, I hope she likes the thing I didn`t get her. Kat, if we go by this study, you should have absolutely no memories at all.

TIMPF: Because I spend all day on the Internet.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: I do remember some stuff from the Internet. But sometimes, like I`ll forget about the Internet while I`m looking at it, like you ever just like look at people. Why -- whose baby is this? Why am I looking at this? Because you`ll like see your friend. And then it`s like, OK, the husband looks like maybe they might have some drama on their family than they do. And then you read all the comments, you forget how you even got there. So, I guess I`m picking up useless information on the Internet anyway, I`m not reading like encyclopedias.

GUTFELD: You know, back in the day when I had certain problems, Kash, I would find myself in a, like in a screen key hole where all of a sudden after 15 minutes, I`d realize I have 100 screens open all of something very similar. And then --

BANDERAS: That many porn sites.

GUTFELD: I don`t know what you`re talking about. Kash, is this real?

PATEL: The interwebs? No, they`re totally fake.

GUTFELD: I thought that was the case.

PATEL: My issue is I think people need to stop saying Google --

GUTFELD: Right.

PATEL: Because they collect, aggregate, and sell your data. And we need to start using (INAUDIBLE), and say we`re using the interwebs and then people can`t follow you. They can`t trace you, and they can`t collect your stuff. But also, you could have 187 porn sites up at once and no one would ever know.

GALLAGHER: Nice.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PATEL: That`s the win.

GUTFELD: You imagine how fast you have to be to click close all of those right? Am I right?

BANDERAS: Yes.

GUTFELD: Just give me an idea. There should be, when you`re off out of your show, they should say without a trace.

BANDERAS: That`s --

PATEL: I handle the Trace jokes here.

GUTFELD: No, I knew before you did. What do you make of this Julie?

BANDERAS: You should go incognito when you search porn. Just FYI, it`s a little tech advice.

GUTFELD: And you wear sunglasses?

BANDERAS: No, incognito. It`s an actual like tab that you can click when you do searches so that your search engine is erased. I`ve never used --

GUTFELD: I just wear disguise.

BANDERAS: But I of course know about it.

GALLAGHER: And listen, nito, nito is not a good word of that -- not to be confused as if, oh my god is just so cool when you go incognito. That`s not, that`s not --

BANDERAS: That is not nito.

GALLAGHER: That`s not, I know you like to break up words, Greg, just so you know.

GUTFELD: I don`t know what`s going on here.

BANDERAS: He`s preventing you from telling a bad joke. So no, but I agree that I compare Google searches to dating and finding men so like, if you like if I were to be looking for a man right now, hypothetically, if I go on Google and you`re easily accessible and you`re easily retrievable, I forget about you in two seconds. But if you play hard to get with me, which is what I used to do, you know, I`m more attracted to like a challenge.

GUTFELD: Right.

BANDERAS: Then, you remember that person, so it`s like dating.

GUTFELD: That`s interesting. That`s an interesting concept like it`s the searches should be more difficult, Trace.

GALLAGHER: Who knew you could Google a man, Jules?

BANDERAS: Well, I`m not Googling man. I`m just saying, it`s easily accessible.

TIMPF: She`s not Googling man available now.

GALLAGHER: Listen, the study is spot on because I`m telling you right now, no kid nobody knows a phone number.

Remember when you have to have your buddy`s phone number? Girlfriend`s phone number. Now nobody knows a phone or my kids don`t know. I don`t know theirs.

TIMPF: The good thing you can do those memorize someone`s phone number and they use it against them when they don`t know yours. I did that to my husband the other day.

GALLAGHER: Well, see? But that`s the whole thing, nobody knows. Nobody knows a joke, Greg, and nobody knows a phone number.

GUTFELD: I`m glad they don`t know jokes. Will kids have the same memories as we did if 90 percent of your childhood is spent in front of a screen. Like when you ask me to remember what it was like to be a kid I think ah playgrounds and creeks which is same for me as an adult by the way.

But they remember, they`ll go oh, I`ll Call of Duty and TikTok, right? They`ll say Call of Duty. And it`s like, that`s not memories. That`s like artificial memories. You were sitting, but you don`t have any memories of going down by the creek and kicking the corpse, poking the body. You didn`t have, you didn`t find a body now by the creek. Everybody did when we --

PATEL: We just drink beer.

GUTFELD: You just drink beer? We never really did that. We just murdered drifters, put it down by the creek. And then we go back and poke him. Am I still on camera?

GALLAGHER: Yes.

GUTFELD: All right.

GALLAGHER: The is super incognito.

GUTFELD: So, I think we learned nothing here. But you`re right, I guess when you search, you just have to search longer. This makes no sense.

PATEL: Why stop using Google?

GUTFELD: Stop. Go duck, duck, whatever -- whatever, Kash, said, who cares what he said?

PATEL: I`m the tech guy. I`m the only Internet expert here.

GUTFELD: Yes, that is true. I

PATEL: I am running Google, not that I`m the brown guy.

GUTFELD: All right, don`t go away. We`ll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: What a wonderful show. We are out time. Thank you, Trace Gallagher, Julie Banderas, Kash Patel, Kat Timpf. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with evil Shannnon Bream is next. I`m Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America. I do.


Copy: Content and Programming Copyright 2022 Fox News Network, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Copyright 2022 VIQ Media Transcription, Inc. All materials herein are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of VIQ Media Transcription, Inc. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.