Tyrus: Why hasn't Biden applied his years of experience?
'Gutfeld!' guests dissect Joe Biden's lack of presidential performance
This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!" September 20, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST (on camera): Happy Monday everyone. The greatest show on television.
All right, they say that some pictures are worth a thousand words. Well, this one just won't shut the f-up.
Wherever this dress worn by A-list socialist AOC at the ghoulish Met Gala where the master sauntered around maskless, while the servants impersonated the gimp from Pulp Fiction.
There hasn't been a more stark contrast of the powerful and the plebes since I was on the daily show.
Each tick -- a ticket costs $35 grand. Yes, real working-class event. Must feel great waiting on snobs who paid your yearly income for a night out. But the good news is they also think you're rife with disease, so you better keep the masks on.
Tax the rich was the in-your-face maskless face message. I just screwed that up, but I don't care. It was the message to the rich, white libs who would like nothing more than for you to think that they agree. Which is why this message was about as edgy as the world's greatest grandpa coffee mug.
But worse and not that surprising, the designer of AOC's dress happily ignores her own message. A New York Post exclusive portrays Aurora James as a notorious tax deadbeat with unpaid debts dogging her in multiple states.
It's true, Wesley Snipes has a better reputation with the IRS than her. Dress as well.
She has six IRS tax liens totaling 103,000 bucks on her parent company, and $17 grand fine for failing to carry workman's comp. That parent company sounds more like a deadbeat dad.
She faces legal challenges for non-payment of worker benefits. The company currently owes $62 grand says The Post. $62 grand. Do you know you could buy with that type of moolah? Yes, two tickets to the Met Gala.
Her company, culture its broker -- a cultural brokerage has been hit with more warrants than your average MS-13 gang member. 15 to be exact since 2015. That's at least 10 more than Kat.
But to be fair, unlike Kat's, they don't involve puncturing a nightclub's bouncers' eardrum with a stiletto.
KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR (on camera): One time.
GUTFELD: More than once. And as she stiffed Uncle Sam, James' company received over $41 grand in pandemic relief, she truly puts the artist and scam artist.
Meanwhile, former staffers call her place of work a sweatshop and not as a compliment either. She apparently relied on unpaid interns working full- time jobs.
This is something we don't do here. Right, Joe?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOE MACHI, STAND-UP COMEDIAN: Not at all, Greg. I amply rewarded for the work I do nonstop from morning until late at night. Hey, do you think I'll be able to make eye contact soon? And oh, by the way, thank you for the free (INAUDIBLE).
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: You're welcome. One of the Joe's, I forget which one?
Now one worker claims that the designer would force her to schedule her dressmaker's gynecological appointments. I could safely say, I would never do that.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOE DEVITO, WRITER AND COMEDIAN: Greg, I moved your pap smear to 10:30.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Well, maybe once. For a few months identified as a mermaid. And let me tell you, bacteria from the ocean is no laughing matter down there. Wow.
But this shouldn't surprise you. In the world of progressivism, the act of caring about the powerless is often a way to enhance your own power. It's your moat against criticism, giving you a pass for derelict behavior.
You can still flaunt your Louis Vuitton bag as long as your receipts are made of recyclable material. And if you say all the right liberal things, no one dares peek behind the curtain to call out your scams. Thank God for the Emmys. Right?
They should give themselves an award for best tone-deaf clown carnival. It's where our greatest Hollywood celebs went maskless Sunday to converge in an orgy of mutual masturbation.
But if anybody should be hiding their faces behind a mask, it's the self- absorbed sanctimonious sellouts. There was more integrity in a holding cell at Rikers. It's a prison U.S. coasters.
To while your kids must wear masks in school and while you must wear masks at the gym, and while I must wear a mask in bed, has nothing to do with COVID, but everything to do with role-playing.
These recognition craving lemmings pack themselves together without a mask in sight.
Well, except, of course, for the non-celebs, the assistants, the servers, and the press who all embraced the role of handmaidens to their famous superiors. They all look like extras from Eyes Wide Shut.
Speaking of handmaids, congrats to that show, which broke the record for most Emmy losses in history. Or should I say, her story? What a shame it had such a positive message. Yes, turns out, creating a dismal miserable mess of male loathing only works in women's studies classes.
My colonoscopy won more Emmys. To be fair, what a surprise ending. Four matchbox cars. I counted three at the time.
But at least -- at least they were jokes.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
STEPHEN COLBERT, HOST, THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT, CBS: I have the results of the special recall election for the 2018 Emmy for Outstanding Comedy. As you remember, that year The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel was duly elected with an overwhelming majority. But California law does allow for the recall of any Emmy Award if enough signatures are first obtained.
Meaning, the 2018 Emmy winner for Best Comedy could soon be The Marvelous Mrs. Larry Elder.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: That was like a four hour drive to 10 minutes at the beach.
TIMPF: Yes.
GUTFELD: And talk about speaking truth to power, am I right? I haven't heard material this daring since Pat Boone's latest commercial for Relief Factor. Granted, he look great in that robe.
But it's one of the greatest things that happened in the last decade. This implosion of awards shows, what's happened because we're just more aware of their hypocrisies. It turns out that the more sanctimonious judgments these bozos make to viewers, the fewer viewers they end up having because we see who they really are.
Couple that with the gloom and doom content that's always trying to brand the consumer is evil, and you're left with an auditorium full of virtue signaling billionaire -- terrified that their personal scandals might finally be met with accountability. It's why Rose McGowan scares the -- out of them.
In some, award shows are like a mobster's trunk. They stink of death. And maybe that's why they help or wearing masks after all. Sadly, no mass can block the stench of hypocrisy, privilege, and clueless self-absorption. The only people who don't know what are the losers who keeps showing up thinking they are winners.
ANNOUNCER: Period!
GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guest. He's won Emmy, Golden Globe in my annual wet t-shirt contest. T.V. writer and producer Rob Long.
Her star is rising so fast, it gave astronomers whiplash. Host of "MANSION GLOBAL" Fox Business Kacie McDonnell.
Someone's got a case of the Mondays and lice. Fox News contributor Kat Timpf.
And he's legally barred from owning a trampoline. My massive psychic, and NWA World Television Champion Tyrus.
So, Rob, welcome back. It's been a while.
ROB LONG, WRITER AND PRODUCER: Thank you. That's right.
GUTFELD: I assume you've been working, but who knows?
LONG: I -- yes, I've been -- still with that, I've been working.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes, you've been working, of course.
You did win an Emmy, correct?
LONG: I -- I've been nominated many times.
GUTFELD: Oh, but you've lost.
LONG: So, this -- yes, this was --
GUTFELD: This is a sore spot for you.
LONG: Difficult -- it's a difficult moment for me, yes.
GUTFELD: Yes.
LONG: Because on the one hand, I like the fact you're making fun of it. On the other hand, I really do plan to be back there someday. And I will be wearing a giant white robe that says please do not audit my 2017 tax. Well, the tax through there is, tax the rich.
GUTFELD: Yes, you know, way to change the subject, Ron.
LONG: Thank you.
GUTFELD: But Rob, we want to go right back to my award failures.
LONG: Yes.
GUTFELD: If you want to get -- you can't do this show if you want to win an Emmy --
(CROSSTALK)
LONG: Because --
GUTFELD: Blacklisted.
LONG: My secret plan is that no one in Hollywood watches the show.
GUTFELD: But it's wrong though.
LONG: I -- unfortunately, that's the truth. This is why this will be my last appearance. Probably not the only reason it will be my --
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: I think that's a net plus, Rob.
LONG: Right.
TYRUS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: You like disguise them.
LONG: Yes.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: Think, you were like a little costume, and they guess who it is.
GUTFELD: Yes.
LONG: I do have a people's choice award.
GUTFELD: Right. For what?
LONG: For my work on a -- on a television show called "Cheers"
Thank you. And I have --
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: That when everybody used to know your name.
LONG: Right, and I have a Writers Guild Award for a group writing a sketch that appeared on the Earth Day Special of like 1999, something like that.
GUTFELD: Yes.
LONG: Yes, so, that's the way you get -- how you get awards in Hollywood. You just -- you just do something for the Earth Day.
GUTFELD: Exactly. That is actually a tremendous point. That is how you do it. You virtue signal. Kacie --
(CROSSTALK)
LONG: Yes.
KACIE MCDONNELL, FOX NATION HOST: (on camera): Yes.
GUTFELD: What did you make of the virtue-signaling dress?
MCDONNELL: You kind of are in the same color scheme as AOC's dress. I know it's orange.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MCDONNELL: But the kind of is reminiscent of that.
GUTFELD: No, it's a chick -- but, as Tyrus points out, it looks like a Chick-fil-A crumpled up bag.
MCDONNELL: It kind of does but if you wore one maybe for your birthday party or something last week, what would it say? Like, fix the border? Maybe you don't fly on private planes, something like that.
GUTFELD: It would say don't publish those pictures.
MCDONNELL: But it wouldn't have been sustainable -- but it wouldn't have been sustainable.
GUTFELD Yes.
MCDONNELL: We have to come back to this to your point. Earth Day, sustainability. Do we care about taxes? Come on, it's pithily. And the grand scheme of things of fixing the world, right?
GUTFELD: No, but it's -- again, it's what she's -- what she's saying is that the rich don't pay enough.
MCDONNELL: No, correct, correct. Correct.
(CROSSTALK)
TIMPF: The lady who create the dress should care about taxes more.
MCDONNELL: Correct.
GUTFELD: Exactly.
MCDOWELL: She have be -- she should worry about that. Maybe, maybe in some sense. But she also, the lady who made the dress purchase a $1.6 million house in L.A. in 2020. So, she is working class.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: And definite --
MCDOWELL: I work, I need to check my bank account, but I'm not sure I can cash in on a $1.6 million.
GUTFELD: She also hasn't paid the property taxes according to that article. Another place where she has deviant, Kat -- speaking of deviant.
TIMPF: Thank you.
GUTFELD: Did you watch any of the Emmys?
TIMPF: Of course not. Why would I? Why would I?
But I have been following all the news related to this dress.
GUTFELD: Right, OK.
TIMPF: And when AOC love to brag, I'm so proud to have worn this dress made by this black woman immigrant designer. She's an immigrant from Toronto. She came from a suburb in Toronto. And AOC is like she worked her way to the top -- I'm like, from a suburb in Toronto?
So, it's just it's so rare to find something that's completely this pure of --
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: Usually, there's like a grain of something nicer true. Can't find it here.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: So, congrats on that at least.
GUTFELD: Yes. I'm also just getting tired of the idea that you have to tax the rich more than you already taxed the rich.
TIMPF: No.
GUTFELD: You know, it's a complete -- it's -- who do you think is paying all the taxes? The rich, we're doing it already. And I say we because let's face it, I'm filthy rich now.
Don't applaud. I'm joking,
LONG: Right.
GUTFELD: I am not filthy rich.
TIMPF: He's not joking.
GUTFELD: I'm not filthy rich.
LONG: But you got to put something on your clothes.
GUTFELD: Yes.
LONG: It has to like be a little pithy unless you're like, I guess, Kim Kardashian, in which case, you could probably put a brand new tax plan on the ass. But, for her, like you have to keep it pithy like that.
So, I actually saw it. I thought it was -- it's like the NPR version of a MAGA hat.
GUTFELD: That's true.
LONG: That's basically what she was wearing.
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.
What do you think, Tyrus? What is your take on all of this madness?
TYRUS: So, you're rich.
GUTFELD: No, I was joking. I'm not rich.
TIMPF: No, he said it. Then, he realized --
TYRUS: He say, yes, he realized I was here.
MCDONNELL: He said, we, and then --
TYRUS: Yes, he's like, oh, hey, oh, hey, what's going on?
GUTFELD: I'm rich with friends and love. Thank you.
TYRUS: Well, I guess --
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: And (INAUDIBLE).
TYRUS: Yes.
GUTFELD: And (INAUDIBLE), Tyrus.
TYRUS: You let me finish, rich guy? Kind of can you broke brother on medium street get a work over there? Jeez!
Tax Gutfeld what she -- what, how my dressing. You know, what -- what's sad about this is not sad about this is very typical for Democrats is like the rules don't apply to friends in them.
GUTFELD: Right.
TYRUS: Because of that would have been somebody else's dressmaker, I don't know, like Melania Trump. And we heard all that, I mean, that right now we'll be waiting for the public execution as they walk her out.
Like it's just unbelievable how much they will let go if you're on their side, because shouldn't the woman who made that dress be exactly who she's going after?
GUTFELD: Right. In fact --
(CROSSTALK)
TYRUS: A rich person who doesn't pay their taxes?
TIMPF: Yes.
MCDONNELL: Yes.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: Is literally who your -- but the enemy of my enemy is --
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: You notice she is not looking at it. Yes, she's like --
GUTFELD: She's definitely not of -- yes.
(CROSSTALK)
TIPMF: She doesn't want to think about that.
GUTFELD: Exactly. But, you know, you make a great point about I think whenever Melania was wearing a designer, the media would go after the designer. And ask, are you aware that the First Lady is wearing one of your dresses? Are you offended by that? That was always the story that --
(CROSSTALK)
TYRUS: Right, yes. They would always -- they would always attack.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: Attack and this one literally, the criminal is right next to -- like tax the rich and that she is like, yes, do that.
LONG: So, what is -- what is the Met Gala again? It just suddenly became a thing, right?
MCDONNELL: Yes.
GUTFELD: It's suddenly became a thing. It's the Oscars without the movies.
LONG: Yes.
GUTFELD: So, you just show up in the dresses, and then everybody looks at it pays $35 grand to walk around, and that's --
(CROSSTALK)
MCDONNELL: In Costume.
GUTFELD: And it seems like --
(CROSSTALK)
TYRUS: Well, you're missing the point. It's the -- it's the new flowers where the swamp grows. Because those free $30,000 tickets into, they got to pay that back somehow.
GUTFELD: Very good point.
LONG: But also seems like it's always either Met Gala, or Fashion Week, or Pride Week, or Ramadan. It's always one of those four things all the time.
TYRUS: Yes.
GUTFELD: You know, I never noticed that before.
LONG: Yes.
GUTFELD: I'm going to have to think about that.
All right. Before we go, a quick announcement. We're taking the show to Nashville next week and we've just released more tickets. Remember, it was sold out? Go to http://foxnews.com/gutfeld, and look for the link on the left side of the page. It's just going to be amazing. We sold that in an hour after we did this.
Up next, the more reporters write a metal the quicker Biden pedal.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Disaster after disaster and Biden pedals faster.
TIMPF: Yes.
GUTFELD: Yes, as old Joe toddles on his Schwinn, Americans take it on the chin. The president spent the weekend vacationing in Delaware, apparently the only place where he won't get lost.
He enjoyed a beachside bike ride, ignoring reporters as he whizzed on by. He's just like Lance Armstrong, except there's no drugs that will enhance his performance. Thank you.
Now, aside from the buzzards circling above him, Biden is not the only one who enjoys the beach.
Taliban terrorists snap these vaycay pics, trading in tanks for pedal boats at a lake that's popular with horny spring breakers. And we do mean horny since the bikini babes were all sheep.
They remember -- they remember to pack sunscreen, speedos, and assault rifles, which you know was the original name for "LIFE, LIBERTY, AND LEVINE".
What hopes with their new love of water can still be far behind for the Taliban. But back to Biden, according to Bob Woodward's new book, Peril, top aides have tried to shield him from long interviews and unscripted events. And by long, they mean anything that cuts into his putting time. They call the effect of cocooning of the president, which protects Biden from tough questions and children from being sniffed by Joe Biden.
By the way, Cocoon was an 80s movie about old folks starring Wilford Brimley who was 26 younger than Joe Biden is now. I get a laugh.
Meanwhile, the growing border crisis in Del Rio only worsens it. According to the polls, our country is as divided as Robert Shaw at the end of Jaws. Some unifier.
No wonder even Biden's media defenders can't do their jobs.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: So, what is Joe Biden do about this and what he has done so far?
EVAN OSNOS, STAFF WRITER, THE NEW TORKER: Yes.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Hasn't really worked?
OSNOS: When, one of the things you hear him doing, frankly, is redefining what unity means. The blunt reality is that's not happening.
CHUCK TODD, MSNBC HOST: And I think he's got a pretty big credibility crisis on his hands, because all of these problems, in some ways, showed up after he said something basically the exact opposite. He's got a lot of work to do.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Oh, that Chuck Todd, I changed his name to Chuck Todd. What do you think? Thank you.
Joe, you heard the man. Get to work. What say you?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Look, look, look, I promised to be the unity president. And I'm delivering. All right? As long as you gets your vaccination, and you wear your mask, and you voted for me, and you don't live in one of those red states, we're good to go.
Everybody else, you know, I'm beginning to lose my patience. OK? So, unity, everybody, it's on the money. E pluribus unum. You know what that means? Do everything I say.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: All right. Tyrus, is Biden's advantage that he has so many crisis's that we cannot focus on just one?
TYRUS: No, everyone is focusing on all of them at the same time.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: That's why he's riding a bike. It looks like a late-night T.V.-like murder she wrote. Like he's showing himself riding bikes and typing on a typewriter, gardening, and doing all the things around the house except the entire world's exploding around him.
LONG: Yes. Yes, great.
TYRUS: But another thing I find interesting is, Pasaki, every time she talks --
GUTFELD: Pasaki.
TYRUS: She always said talks about his vast experience in these situations. He's been doing this for over 50 years. So is he got to say.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: He should have some really good stories, like, you know, in 1985 this happened and we handled it this way. Or in 1997 this happened, or in 2000, or in 1814 when I got my first parachute.
MCDONNELL: Yes.
TYRUS: After slaying the dinosaurs. But we're not hearing anything.
GUTFELD: That is such a great point.
MCDONNELL: Yes.
TYRUS: 50 years of experience?
(CROSSTALK)
TIMPF: Yes. You don't get that -- you don't get that sometimes you do things for 50 years and you just get tired of it.
MCDONNELL: But it also the pageantry that they did 50 years ago.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MCDONNELL: We got it on tape -- not on tape.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MCDONNELL: It's actually on your phone. Never mind. It's not on tape. That was like 30 years ago.
TYRUS: I would be OK if he said Google me. Like, Google me in 85, that's the answer. Like, give us something. But --
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: But whenever you have some old guy at work who's a consultant or something like that, Rob, you remember this.
LONG: Sure.
GUTFELD: Or you might be one.
LONG: Yes, I surely have.
GUTFELD: Like old -- at least, he goes, you know, back when we worked on you know the sketch (INAUDIBLE) show. We did this, we had a Yoko Ono shows up with a hatchet.
You know we did, we let her swing the hatchet, highest-rated show ever.
LONG: Yes. If people didn't like her, then they loved her.
GUTFELD: Then, they loved her.
LONG: Yes.
GUTFELD: But so, it's like he's like the consultant with no stories.
LONG: Well, he may not remember all of the things that happen. But also it's a -- the -- to me, with the strangest thing about it is that like there is this weird blip on the weekend where everyone didn't get a note, and so they were kind of sit telling the truth on those Sunday shows.
GUTFELD: Yes.
LONG: I just -- don't hold your breath, I think Sunday, they're going to be back in line. Sunday be like, I don't think we recognize the complexities of the border crisis.
GUTFELD: Right. That is --
LONG: Would be like, a lot of complexities in Afghanistan, the border crisis, didn't exist four years ago. Now, they are complicated. That's -- they're going to -- they're going to get the -- that's an anomaly.
It's like when you watch the Matrix, when they say, oh, if you have a deja vu, it's the matrix having a hiccup.
GUTFELD: Right.
LONG: When you're on the Sunday talk shows and people like CNN reporters are saying things like I think Biden's messing up, that's the blip, they're going to fix that. They're going to fix it.
GUTFELD: Good point. You know, Kat, to put this in kind of your world, hearing Chuck Todd, say such negative things about Biden, it's like your boyfriend testifying against you in court.
TIMPF: I can do better.
GUTFELD: What?
TIMPF: OK. To put the things in my world because I am vapid and only think about boyfriends would be, it's like when your boyfriend ghost you and you want to hear from him more, I do feel like that about Joe Biden.
GUTFELD: Really.
TIMPF: I do want to hear what he has to say because he never talks. We don't hear from him. Remember, Trump was just doing rallies just because he wanted to.
MCDONNELL: Yes, yes.
TIMPF: And everyone was trying to be like, stop talking so much. The more you talk, the more stuff that you can say that can get you in trouble. I would like to see one Joe Biden rally.
Like if our ratings are good now, imagine if he was doing rallies.
GUTFELD: He just -- we deserve a Joe Biden rally.
TIMPF: Yes, no prompter. No prompter. Put him up there. Just let him go for like an hour.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: It's not going to work. Our show runs at 11.
TIMPF: Yes.
TYRUS: He like it 4:00.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: So, there's no way, he's in bed by 6:00. There's no way.
TIMPF: We can do it from him in his -- we could be in bed.
GUTFELD: We could trick him by setting his clock ahead by five hours. I use to -- I use to do that to my parents. Got my dad fired. Never was the same.
Kacie, do you have any advice for the president?
MCDONNELL: Well --
GUTFELD: Wow.
MCDONNELL: How much time do we have?
Greg, to your point, I think when the Sunday shows, the people who did literal mental gymnastics to prove to us that he was the hero that we needed.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MCDONNELL: Are now flipping the coin on this. I think that maybe it's sticking with the script. And maybe less ice cream, and sniffing, and bike rides and those virtues are good. We're good, right? Have a great weekend.
Like Kamala Harris is flipping coins at college football games over the week.
GUTFELD: Yes, that's true. That's true.
That was -- what game was that? Does anybody watch that game?
TIMPF: Why you looking at me?
GUTFELD: I don't know. All I saw was the coin flipping.
TYRUS: It would have been nice if it would have been like Oklahoma and Nebraska because then she'd been in close to the border. But I'm sure it was probably Syracuse or something like that.
TIMPF: -- Canada.
TYRUS: Yes, yes, yes, yes.
GUTFELD: All right. Good point.
Up next, who wants cops on-site? It's not as easy as black and white.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Why are white liberal voters to defunding cops in Minnesota? Yes, white woke stirs say eff the police. But black voters want protection and peace. A new poll finds that a clear majority of Minneapolis voters oppose reducing the police force. And it's especially true among black voters. The woke whites not so much. In the poll, 75 percent of black voters oppose reducing the police force compared to 51 percent of white voters.
Now, this poll is significant because November voting ballots will include a measure on whether to give city officials the power to replace the police department with a new Department of Public Safety, which will make residents as safe as a doughnut rolling past Brian Stelter's office.
Poor little donut, never had a chance. Turns out people don't want to replace the police either. And the same poll found a racial disparity there too. White -- while 51 percent of whites support replacing the police in giving the City Council have the authority to do so, just 42 percent of black voters support this same measure.
Wow. That's the kind of talk that gets the media to call you the black face of white supremacy. In other words, a year after defund the police became a rallying cry in many cities, it's not black citizens who want to end the police, it's dumb woke white people. But it's like the media says, if you want to know what black people think about cops, you know ask white college grads from safe neighborhoods.
TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Are you going to do that?
GUTFELD: Is this pure.
TYRUS: Is there a white safe, Minnesota in the house? Explain (BLEEP) to me.
GUTFELD: Yes. But it's this is true. This is that secret racism of the white liberal. They, they, they said this in the poll because they felt that that's how they should react if any blacks were listening.
TYRUS: It's not even racism, Greg. It's just stupid-ism. It's dumb-assery. Of course you're not -- and this is an, I've been around enough white people. I've done some investigating in my life. So, I've spent some time in the ranks and I've kind of and I really noticed that when things are really good, they don't want anybody around, because they're having a good time. So, their idea of I don't want cops in my neighborhood when he's actually your neighbor.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: Because he takes up extra parking spots with the cop car, his son's better at your son in baseball, so that cops got to go. So, that's why they want to get rid of them, not for the same reasons we like to keep them around because we like things like our television sets and our front yards. And our daughters not being carried off -- kind of a big thing in our neighborhood. I like to be able to go to sleep but not locking the doors, cocking the gun, hyping up the dogs and spotlights ready to go. So, we're kind of funny that way. It's a cultural thing. I apologize if any of you, white people, who find that offensive that we like being safe at night. Sleeping with one-eye open is not as fashionable if you think it is.
GUTFELD: That is a -- Rob, that might be one of the greatest apologies I've ever heard.
ROB LONG, WRITER: Yes, I mean, I felt very unsafe. I got to go, I got to go on Facebook and mark myself I am safe during Tyrus' rant.
TYRUS: You wanted to cop though, didn't you?
LONG: We have the best. Yes, I mean it's only like a certain kind of way progressive that is surprised by the fact that you know in black neighborhoods which are disproportionately victims of crime, that in those same neighborhoods they want effective policing. And then only like your Times editorial writers really -- this what a mystery? Like --
GUTFELD: Yes.
LONG: No, the victims of crime tend to want better policing that's kind of what they want. Whereas people didn't really safe neighborhoods even in like bad, even in crime cities where crime is going up, it's going up in certain neighborhoods are not going up and other neighborhoods, people in the other neighborhoods like there's no real problem here.
GUTFELD: Yes, it's the Don Lemon going: I went out to dinner, everything was great.
LONG: Everything was fine.
GUTFELD: Yes.
LONG: Listen, let me tell you something Sag Harbor is peaceful.
GUTFELD: Exactly.
LONG: That's true it is, like it's true this but like it isn't -- you don't need to, you know, Murder She Wrote to come and investigate why people in a neighborhood that has crime want effective policing? That is just sort of normal. You go to the emergency room, everybody there wants a doctor. It's the same thing.
GUTFELD: Yes.
LONG: That you want to fix, fix this.
GUTFELD: Yes.
LONG: Only rich white people are like, well, I don't think that too fast.
GUTFELD: I think it's a Kacie, I think it's the media who made this worse by painting every police officer as evil.
KACIE MCDONNELL, FOX NATION HOST: Well, that's to your point, a police officer lives next to me all grown up, but he was a great guy enjoys camping. But no, I know my neighbors. I'm saying, I know my neighbors. We have a big yard. He actually has a camper, yes. It's a hobby. No, no, not camping in his backyard, just parks it there.
GUTFELD: What's wrong with camping in your backyard, Kacie?
MCDONNELL: Oh my gosh!
TYRUS: Nothing you can see. If you're six, that's fine.
GUTFELD: I still do it.
MCDONNELL: If you're in a safe neighborhood, it's fine.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MCDONNELL: You know, things can definitely improve and change history has shown us that, but there are a lot of layers to this. And also to your point, if you're doing a poll, maybe you were scared to say what you truly think.
GUTFELD: Kat, maybe critical race theory was right. White people really do suck.
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Speak for yourself.
GUTFELD: OK.
TIMPF: Well, listen, this is what this poll found many polls have found on a national scale. I've often explained that on the show, but your eyes glaze over whenever I do that. So, I won't do that now.
GUTFELD: Happening now.
TIMPF: Yes. I'll say everybody realizes cops and therapists do different things, or else therapists would never sometimes say do I need to contact the police?
GUTFELD: That's true. That's true. Seems like you've come into contact with both many times, I might add.
TIMPF: No, just therapist.
GUTFELD: OK.
TIMPF: The cops, they don't -- yes, they, they're good.
GUTFELD: That's a great TV show. Undercover cop as a therapist, just to arrest patients.
TYRUS: Yes. It's called cops, Greg.
GUTFELD: No, but I mean --
TYRUS: I love it.
GUTFELD: It's something totally legal. All right, Doctor Cop PhD.
TIMPF: Doctor Cop.
LONG: Doctor cop.
GUTFELD: Doctor. All right, Commander Shrink.
MCDONNELL: There you go.
GUTFELD: That was my nickname.
TYRUS: Diagnosis.
GUTFELD: All right, because they don't have the torque to become Governor O'Rourke.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Will Texans get a say and making Beto go away. O'Rourke -- they're already applauding. O'Rourke, who you may remember from being a loser is considering running for Texas Governor and official announcement is expected later this week. And as opponents of Governor Abbott saying, "I hope Matthew McConaughey runs and runs with his shirt off." Texas faces a host of pressing issues such as COVID, the border crisis, and people who think New York City has great barbecue.
Narrowing polls still show Beto down by five. But perhaps, Texas Democrats hope they can make up the difference with Californians fleeing to their states. Now, talk about bringing your bad ideas with you. What Californians who flee to Texas end up voting for Beto and he wins? Basically, they're electing the precise monstrosity that they're escaping from and punishing their new Texas neighbors. How absolutely stupid and wrong is that? That's like escaping an insane asylum only to recreate your own personal Loony Bin. Which is why all important California should be banned from voting for at least five years in Texas.
Consider it the progressive probation. Watch how a real state is run before you vote. It's like how I learned to be such a great lover. All those National Geographics. Kat, he just doesn't want a job. He thinks he's above a job.
TIMPF: Yes.
GUTFELD: And have to elect him to a job.
TIMPF: Yes. You know, you said known for losing. That's unfortunately true. I forgot what he had done. Like, he was -- I Googled today, we saw this and I'm like, why is beta O'Rourke famous? He was in Congress, like a couple years ago.
GUTFELD: No.
TIMPF: But he's done so much losing since then that I forgot that.
GUTFELD: Yes. He's overwhelmed with losing Kacie, why does -- what's the problem? You know he has a rich wife, his rich wife bankrolls his stuff. I hate that.
MCDONNELL: Sounds great. Well, Trump said it in one of his rants at one of his rallies. He was making fun of Beto for saying I was born for this.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MCDONNELL: Well, I don't know. You don't have to find a new purpose. But he's campaigning on or he's -- I should say he's been known to say he wants to take guns away. And from a state where 46 percent of adults are saying we have guns, we can say ours --
GUTFELD: Yes.
MCDONNELL: But you're looking for their guns.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MCDONNELL: Probably not going to work.
GUTFELD: Yes, you know, Rob, this guy reminds me of a, of a bass player in a terrible band, who keeps telling his rich wife that the band's going to make it just, just -- he's paying for my dinner and do my laundry.
LONG: Got to listen to our demo. I mean, before you'd say no, listen to the game, listen to it. Yes, it's a lot of that. These skateboards and stuff like this guy is going to --
GUTFELD: The skateboard.
LONG: Yes, he's going to lose again. He's going to be that -- he's like Bob Hope in a hippie wig, you know. Like, going to be old and trying to be young. It's not going to work. The strange thing about him, though, is like about Texas in general, is that like Texas, a moderate Democrat in Texas has a shot in Texas.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes.
LONG: Texas is like traditionally Democrat, like if there's moderate Democrat could have a shot at it. There's got to be a moderate Democrat in Texas right now thinking, dude just -- like, to Beto, it's like, why are you?
GUTFELD: Yes -- go away.
LONG: Go away.
GUTFELD: Now, he's like, you know what it is? Tyrus, he doesn't have any skills other than to sell himself. That's why he jumps up on kitchen tables and rants.
TYRUS: What are you talking about? The man's a genius. He's my hero. He gets paid to run for things for he knows he's not going to get, and his wife lets him do it. Think about it.
GUTFELD: It's true.
TYRUS: I would love to just be eating breakfast tomorrow. But you know what, I'm going to I'm going to go work for NASA for the next month. I'm going to try to be an astronaut. It'll make --
MCDONNELL: No, you can come up. You can have your own rocket.
TYRUS: Well, they got to build the ships bigger. But it might be a little setup cash, yes. Let's go get an extra-long astronauts suits. How much is that? About a million and a half I think give or take. Thanks, hon. And then, hey guys, she's going to let me do it. All his friends get to run with him. He campaigns all over -- he does not going to win.
TIMPF: Skateboards around.
TYRUS: Yes, he can skateboard around. He's literally, he's on his Xbox doing research. This is great.
GUTFELD: He just -- he never thought, he honestly there are people that exist who do not believe they need to work and he's one of them because he believes the force of his own personality is the --
TYRUS: Or worse is he thinks he's getting closer.
GUTFELD: Yes, right. And he is.
TYRUS: I'm getting so much closer. But he keeps going for a bigger job.
GUTFELD: Remember --
TYRUS: This is what you tell your kids: you didn't make the talent show, hon, so let's not quit making the Emmy statues. OK, it's not going to happen.
GUTFELD: Biden ran for president like three million times until he finally won.
TYRUS: One in a million.
GUTFELD: Unfortunately, he doesn't remember it but anyway. Up next, does singing while driving reduce your chance of surviving?
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Welcome back. Time now for an in-depth one on one conversation with Rob Long and how he became so successful in the entertainment business. Just kidding, it's time for.
ANNOUNCER: "TWO STUPID STORIES."
GUTFELD: First step jamming out behind the dash makes you more likely to crash. A new study finds that listening to so-called sing-along hits while driving can leave you mentally overloaded and lead to mistakes, like Joe Biden trying to talk while standing. Or if you're listening to Maroon 5, deliberately driving into oncoming traffic, loud music and lyrics that elicit strong emotions were most likely to cause problems. I guess I'll have to talk to Kilmeade about blasting Paul Abdul every time he picks me up for brunch.
Speaking of Kilmeade, another new study shows that today's humans are actually more likely to mate with their cousins. More so than prehistoric ancestors were thousands of years ago. Just three percent then and 10 percent today, proving we've evolved to have much hotter cousins. I'm just going to stop there. Kacie, you got a choice. You can talk about music and driving or people having sex with their cousins.
MCDONNELL: I don't have a car. So I think I'm going to go with the second one.
GUTFELD: Yes,
MCDONNELL: Everyone is being called in for emergency meetings. I have done 23andme, so is my fiance. Were probably being cloned right now somewhere in Antarctica.
GUTFELD: And you found your brother and sister?
MCDONNELL: No, no, no, we are not going to be contributing to this. I can confirm.
GUTFELD: Would that be great? Would that, Rob, if you did 23andme, and found that your spouse was your cousin, would that make a difference?
LONG: Yes, it would make a difference.
GUTFELD: They make it hotter?
LONG: I think they can make it hotter for you.
GUTFELD: Because you're breaking the law?
LONG: I just feel like probably back then in the caveman days, it just, dating was just easier. Like everybody knew who's going to pay, who's going to pick up the check. Now, it's all so modern, it's like, just, you know what, stick with your cousin, you're already -- you already kind of know each other. You're the family. I could see the, I can see the convenience of it. It's easier.
I mean, you know, every, you know, every, like, don't have too many. You know, every generation there's going to be some weirdos.
GUTFELD: No, but you know what, this is the thing. What if we're told the lie? What if, Kat, marrying your cousin is actually preferable? Right.
Isn't that true? Like, first cousins are --
TIMPF: Not to me.
GUTFELD: Watching your cousins. I mean, let's face it.
TIMPF: Yes, well, you're just upset all my cousins.
LONG: All the royal families of Europe in like the late 19th century, we're all cousins. Like --
GUTFELD: Yes.
LONG: Queen Victoria was cousins with (INAUDIBLE). They all fought each other. They all had hemophilia, and some of them were insane. So, I don't know why you're so excited about this.
GUTFELD: Have you ever seen --
LONG: I would suggest you simmer down like --
GUTFELD: Have you ever seen "Cousin It"?
LONG: Yes, that "Cousin It" was like the Archduke Ferdinand.
GUTFELD: Baby, that's why I'm attracted to royalty.
LONG: That might be, that might be.
GUTFELD: You know what "Cousin It" is, Kat?
TIMPF: No.
GUTFELD: It was a character from The Addams Family.
TIMPF: Yes, cultural references I don't really get.
LONG: Well this is also a generational thing. This is kind of assisted living style conversation.
TIMPF: That's true. I'm really, I'm young and I have my whole life ahead of me.
LONG: You should enjoy it. Enjoy it. Don't let them drag you down.
GUTFELD: I would say, I would say stop that you're young.
TIMPF: I am young, but not that, like not so young that I'm not also brilliant so everybody remember that. But the car things true. I'll say I got into a car accident once because bills, bills, bills came on the radio. Yes, be careful.
TYRUS: Damn.
TIMPF: Yes, I did, and I have a staph infection my ears the same, same week and almost fell off. It is tough. Tough week. Doing better now, thanks.
GUTFELD: Is it OK to sing in the car with your cousin?
TYRUS: Not if you fall in love now. It is a lot more convenient. Because you got to fail reunions. Everyone wears the same shirt. You know what I'm saying, it's like really cool. You know, it's the same grandma and grandpa. You don't have to worry about the in laws not liking you or --
GUTFELD: True.
TIMPF: Oh, you don't have to be like, oh, where are we spending Christmas?
TYRUS: Of course we're spending at our parents' house. It's just phenomenal.
GUTFELD: I think we've, I think pretty much solved world peace. And I'm probably going to have to be having meeting --
TYRUS: A family tree, a dozen fork is so much easier. Just we just go straight up to the top of --
LONG: Christmas is cheaper. Everything's better.
TIMPF: Yes.
GUTFELD: On that note, I think we, I think we should leave. I'm sticking out the back. Why did I pick this story?
LONG: This is the show that you wanted.
TYRUS: Yes.
GUTFELD: I know. We'll be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: We have time for one final thought. Kacie.
MCDONNELL: Thank you so much, Greg. So, Tuesdays at 9:00 on Fox Business Mansion global, a Double Dose. You got two episodes every Tuesday. It's all part of the prime lineup. So, Monday through Wednesday, 8:00 to 10:00, all new shows. It's all fabulous.
GUTFELD: Kacie is literally in the house. I just came up with that.
All right. Thank you Kacie, Rob Long, Kat, Tyrus, our studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with evil Shannon Bream is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld and I love you America. Evil.
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