'Gutfeld!' on Biden's Afghanistan withdrawal, increased drinking during COVID pandemic

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This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!" August 23, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated. 

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: People around them are wearing masks to keep
from throwing up.

Talking to myself. Happy five days from Friday everyone. Hope you all had a
relaxing weekend filled with great friends, delicious food. Or in Julie
Bandera's case a night in the drunk tank.

JULIE BANDERAS, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: Yes. Well there was a storm.

GUTFELD: Yes. Of course.

BANDERAS: I had to have a lot of dark and stormy.

GUTFELD: I bet she did. All right. So I wonder, is this the greatest
humiliation I've ever seen?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DONALD TRUMP, FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: This is the greatest
humiliation I've ever seen. By this botched exit in Afghanistan is the most
astonishing display of gross incompetence by a nation's later.

Vietnam looks like a masterclass in strategy compared to Joe Biden's
catastrophe. And it didn't have to happen. All he had to do is leave the
soldiers there until everything's out. Our citizens, our weapons, then you
bomb the hell out of the bases. We have five bases. And you say bye- bye.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Bye-bye. Let me ask you. Do you think that General Patton was
woke? I don't think so.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: Let me ask him. Do you think that General Patton was woke? I don't
think so. You know what woke means? It means you're a loser. Everything
woke. Everything. It's true. Everything woke turns to (BLEEP) OK?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I'm sorry, we had to bleep (BLEEP) what if Biden, do you think
they would have covered it? If I fell on the Air Force One?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: Do you think they would have covered it if I fell on the Air Force
One? He fell three times. Down goes Frazier, remember that? He kept going
down and up, down and up. I said what the hell's going on? He was watching
that. What's going on with our president? And I did the ramp, the long
slippery ramp. I said, General, it was pouring out, pouring. I said
General, it is a bad deal here. I got leather shoes on the bottom.

And I'm going to fall, I'm not going to let them if I'm not. So I walk down
tiny little steps. What's wrong with the President is the biggest story?
Normally they have like some little groups. Nothing was like an ice skating
rink. I think it was a trap. But with him falling down the stairs three
times he was down. No he's up. No he's down again. Oh my god. No, he's up.
He's down again, he's down for three times. You know, if that were a fight,
they'd stop it.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: You know, we don't deserve him. But that wasn't the big news. The
big news you didn't hear because it doesn't align with the legacy media's
highbrow corruption infused narrative. According to the FBI, there was
scant evidence the January 6th capital riot was part of a plot to overturn
the election. We knew that, you knew that. All it took was one look at the
role playing insurrectionist to tell you.

They were more interested in organizing a game of Dungeons and Dragons than
a government coup. There was far more evidence to overturn the election on
Hunter Biden's laptop. But it didn't lead any newscasts because like one of
Hunter lap -- Hunter's laptops. It was one of those stories that just
disappears. For seven months, hacks lectured us on the big lie. Hacks
you've been wrong more times than Chris Cuomo playing patty cake.

 Oh, they screamed insurrection every day. It being worse than 9/11 or the
Civil War combined. Except it was preplanned as Biden's evacuation of
Kabul. Yes, well, Biden yakked on and on about evil Trumpers. He completely
bypassed a mass evacuation of Americans and allies, fearing it would signal
the imminent collapse of the Afghan government, which is kind of exactly
what happened.

The collapse of the Afghan government as well as Biden's presidency. So
like his spouse has been cheated on. We've been lied to an awful lot about
masks, inflation, law enforcement, China, race, whether our president has
enough mental capacity to dress himself. And God forbid we question it.
From morning Hello to Don Suck a Lemon. They reserved their disdain for
you, the person who dare question the liars.

Meanwhile, these cretins, hobnob with the real liars. How some of them most
meatheaded are related to the liars? This swirling swamp mixture of media
and government elites gave us Afghanistan, as well as bedridden Grandpa Joe
from Willy Wonka, who's now our president. And what are they really trying
to cover up besides our maskless faces and their own asses? The realization
that they covered up a mess of a war so that it would continue.

We've been part of a divisive game they created to keep us powerless. It's
us versus us. So it's never us versus them. The construct of Democrat and
Republican as distinct leadership's turns out to be as fake as the teeth in
the President's mouth. Afghanistan's a perfect example. In overwhelming
majority of left and right wanted us out. The war is the only thing less
popular than Chrissy Teigen.

Yet it lasted 20 years. Even the Spice Girls couldn't last that long. They
tried. And it was made possible by the lie that our -- that since our
politicians were behind it we had to be too. And maybe for a year or two or
three, we were. But after that we filed it away is something our competent
government is taking care of which is like trusting your kids with Uncle
Hunter for the weekend.

Oddly we were putting our trust in institutions run by mouth breathing
morons who hate you. George W. Bush's CIA Director General Michael Hayden
retweeted a photo labeling Trump supporters, our Taliban and replied, good
idea when a Twitter user suggested sending the quote MAGA wearing unvaxxed
on planes to Afghanistan. That's (BLEEP) among an aristocracy of that
(BLEEP)

Now President Biden is pretending that he was always saying this was a bad
war, a war that he backed strongly. Someone needs to put smelling salts in
a pretty woman's hair. So when Biden sniffs it, he wakes up to reality. But
a president before him was different. That was Trump. He said it before he
even was president. He knew it was becoming a waste of blood and treasure
these foreign wars.

So once again, Biden is like that student that cheats off the smarter kid
sitting next to him, and yet he still gets an F. But the swamp didn't care.
So Biden came along like an untrained magician and pulled out the
tablecloth from under the table --from out from the table falsely thinking
everything laid on top would magically stay in place. But that can only be
done by someone who knows what they're doing.

Now the Taliban is giving us a deadline. Seriously, how is it up to them?
But maybe with the clowns we have in power. They are.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. She has three kids, one for each
seat to the wind she is right now. Fox News Anchor Julie Banderas. He's
done more man on the streets than Kat has dated men on the street. Fox and
Friends Enterprise Reporter Lauren Jones. She shattered the glass ceiling
with the sound of her voice. Fox News Contributor Kat Timpf. And hedge
trimmers are his nail clippers. My massive sidekick and the NWA World
Champion Television Tyrus. Oy vey, Julie.

BANDERAS: I say the same.

GUTFELD: I don't even know what it means. But I'm saying I feel like we
just created the new Taliban army with the largest transfer of weapons in
history. And it's like we're just watching this happen.

BANDERAS: I mean, what's really weird is that the President was watching
this happen but never even said anything about it.

GUTFELD: I know.

BANDERAS: And then when he finally did say something he's like, well, I
knew it was going to (BLEEP)

GUTFELD: Yes.

BANDERAS: But I just thought I'd sit back and watch it go to (BLEEP) and
then once it went to (BLEEP)

GUTFELD: Yes.

BANDERAS: How many bleeps is that so far?

(CROSSTALK)

BANDERAS: All right. I'm trying to (INAUDIBLE)

(CROSSTALK)

BANDERAS: All night long. But what I mean, and then -- and then finally he
comes out and says, yes, no, we didn't -- we knew this was going to happen.
It was going to be planned badly. And --

GUTFELD: Yes. And it's completely contradicts what the -- what the military
brass were saying where they said we didn't expect this to happen. And he
was oh, I did. And just like, who are these people, Lawrence? We were
talking in the green room. There's a big difference between Trump and Biden
when it comes to dealing with people like the Taliban.

LAWRENCE JONES, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Yes. It's crazy.

GUTFELD: Yes.

JONES: Right? So, I know crazy as according to my mom, that's all our data
is crazy. So, you know, Trump scared a lot of the world leaders. He scared
the Taliban. They didn't like him, but they were afraid of him.

GUTFELD: Yes.

JONES: He made them pay up. And now, look, the leaders know they can get in
-- they can get whatever they want out of Biden. He's not going to make
them pay up. They can get him to go along with their foreign policy. The
same with the people that are writing the note card, you know, everyone
keeps talking about the number. Who's writing the note cards? Who's putting
the notes on there?

Because all the think tanks and all that. And so now we have a leader that
is incompetent. He doesn't know what to do. Doesn't know where he's at half
at a time. And look, I'm no doctor, but you see what you see?

GUTFELD: Yes.

JONES: And it's become a tragedy for the country. You know, the most sad --
the saddest part about all of this is the fact that the Brits and the
French are getting their people out.

GUTFELD: Right.

JONES: And our president is saying, just get to the base. If you can just
get there. Despite there's going to be people, there's going to be
checkpoints and they may kill you. They may murder your family, but just
get there.

GUTFELD: Yes. Get there if you can.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: They're acting like you're trying to get to the JFK Airport in
rush hour. Right? It might -- leave extra time.

JONES: Right.

GUTFELD: Try to get to the airport --

JONES: Two hours.

GUTFELD: Two hours, try to get there two hours before the airport, you
know, and don't use any of those Gypsy cab drivers, Tyrus.

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Yes.

GUTFELD: It is -- it is interesting that like the decision to leave
Afghanistan is universally popular. But yet Joe Biden still screwed it up.

TYRUS: Well, you know, there's a lot to unpack in your monologue. And I
think we got to start the beginning. Of course, it's always -- it's always
-- it's always great to have some straight talking. And one of the things I
used to -- I used to agree with people that President Trump in his Twitter
stuff was annoying and defeated the purpose of whatever but the one thing I
missed was straight talk.

GUTFELD: Right.

TYRUS: We -- he just gave us the most concise plan for how he would deal
with Afghanistan.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes.

TYRUS: We're still waiting for anything from the woke administration. The
problem is that we have a moderate Democratic president who's under a woke
administration. So they're more concerned with saying things like stranded
in words, opposed to actual actions. I don't care what you say, an American
is postponed from being there, Is that better than saying there are
Americans stranded? That there's three groups.

And we don't even know how many there are of each one American citizens,
Afghans who helped us and then you have ones with work visas who are trying
to get to? How many do we got left?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: No clue. No anything. And all you have to do is just -- as long as
you answer woke and worried about optics, you don't have to give the
American people a plan. This is just another example of the woke
administration, not realizing that Americans live in a really real world
and focusing on stranded as a talking point. And your media -- your major
news networks are having concerts, concerts.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: That was -- if you needed information this weekend on what happened
you weren't getting to CNN unless you want to hear Bruce Springsteen song.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's right.

TYRUS: You know what I'm saying? In the two-hour interviews beforehand. And
the post afterward. Meanwhile, people were throwing babies over walls
trying to get their people out.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: I mean, it's just -- that's where we're at. It's a woke
administration.

GUTFELD: Yes. Kat, what do you make of this -- what do you make of this
term -- Trump did was he told you that the order -- what the order it would
have been -- which would have been successful? And what we're seeing is the
exact opposite. Have you ever had less trust in your government than now?

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: No, honestly, like, I always get
upset about paying taxes, because it's my money.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: But now I'm going to be more upset knowing that the last few times I
did it, I paid -- help pay for an Air Force for the Taliban.

GUTFELD: Exactly. Michael Malice, great tweet, great tweet. Said like, I
wish I had the same Second Amendment rights that the Taliban already has.

TIMPF: I can't -- no, like, I cannot -- you have a gun in New York City but
I won't -- can be forced to purchase an Air Force for the Taliban.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: Which is why - I mean, it just -- one of many examples of why this
narrative of, you know, if you don't want to pay huge amounts of taxes,
you're some kind of jerk like, no, like, it would have been better if I was
just allowed to keep that.

GUTFELD: Yes. No, it's -- it -- that blows my mind that we're actually --
we've just created an incredible powerful army.

JONES: It's all because of the media though.

GUTFELD: Yes.

JONES: I mean, if you had a legitimate press, I'm going to pull it Greg
like he does on "THE FIVE" because the media's --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You know, if you have nothing and you're -- nothing going blame
the --

JONES: Go for the media.

GUTFELD: Yes.

JONES: If they would have taken him through the wringer and gone through
policy position during the campaign instead of just allow him to sleep in
the basement.

GUTFELD: Right.

JONES: Every single day that we would know where he stands on these issues.

GUTFELD: Yes.

JONES: Unfortunately, I didn't do that. And now we got him --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: No. Now it's just -- and you know what, it's not going to go
anyplace better. By the way, I know that we're not experts in this, like,
we're not experts in the military. And so you always feel but we can talk
about this. Why is it that non-experts in the military are doing better?

JONES: It's common sense

GUTFELD: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

BANDERAS: Why isn't our president listening to experts in the military?

GUTFELD: Exactly.

BANDERAS: I mean, I don't say he should get his advice from me.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BANDERAS: Or you.

GUTFELD: God forbid.

(CROSSTALK)

JONES: And I don't like the generals.

(CROSSTALK)

BANDERAS: Yes. But he's not taking any military advice.

GUTFELD: Yes. All right. Up next, he was the master of the Jeopardy board
until his comments struck the wrong chord.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: He spent a week as host, but now he's toast. Yes, it's been a
train wreck replacing Trebek. He thought he'd hit the Daily Double, but old
comments got him in trouble. Chuckle. Producer Mike Richards is out as the
new permanent Jeopardy host. Apparently he made inappropriate remarks about
Jews, women and other groups on a podcast in 2013 and 2014, which are dug
up by a writer for theringer.com.

That's got to be the worst thing a man named Michael Richards have ever
said in public. Am I right? Please, said Rich, what's with that name?
Richards in his statement said "It is humbling to confront a terribly
embarrassing moment of his judgment." Thoughtlessness and insensitivity
from nearly a decade ago. Looking back now there is no excuse. Of course
for the comments I made on this podcast that I am deeply sorry.

Richards did tape a few episodes as hosts and they'll air next month. And
for now he'll remain his executive producer. As for the new host. LeVar
Burton seems to be the internet's choice. He's a decent pick I guess. My
vote is for Betty White, but she'll never pass because of a racist name.
But if you -- if you look hard enough, you can find something terrible from
everyone's past. If they want someone who's never tarnished by their past
actions, they should just hire Hunter Biden, right?

Anyway, our own Kat Timpf was also in the running until this video
surfaced.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TIMPF: Yes, I think I'm a shoo in for this Jeopardy job. Let me call you
back. I have to dispose of this guy I murdered.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: You know, there's actually a security camera footage of that too.
Should we play that? Here you have it. But when this breaks, it's going to
be a big deal. I have -- I'm extremely worried that this might affect your
career, Kat. You know, generally when you murder people, you've been pretty
safe. This is really the first time that you've done this.

TIMPF: I got too comfortable.

GUTFELD: You got too comfortable in your murdering.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: This is my like version of BTK and the floppy disk.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's true, that's true. So here's my problem, Lawrence. We
can -- OK. He did say a lot of crass things.

JONES: He did.

GUTFELD: But we know -- it's weird that we no longer accept apologies. It's
like the guy apologized and we can't move on from that. It's like some --
this -- his -- always on a podcast and crass things that said it's
(INAUDIBLE)

JONES: Yes. OK. So I'm the wrong person to ask about this. Because I'm more
-- I'm the type of -- I like dark humor.

GUTFELD: Yes.

JONES: All right. I like all those type of comedians. And so, I would be
banned because I laugh at their jokes. I'm a part of the problem.

GUTFELD: Yes.

JONES: Number two. I think the people that are a part of the council
culture, they're very vengeful. They wait until your arrive and then I want
to counsel you.

GUTFELD: Yes.

JONES: It's like -- it's not enough to just say, hey, say sorry. They want
to -- they want to make you suffer.

GUTFELD: Yes.

JONES: The third thing that I found very interesting is that they're going
to let him be the EP still.

(CROSSTALK)

JONES: They're like, no, no, no, no. He's too good, right?

GUTFELD: Yes.

JONES: He know how to make a star. He just can't be the face of the
franchise.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

JONES: Meanwhile, people don't understand. It is the producers behind the
talent that makes the show.

GUTFELD: Whoa, whoa, not so fast.

JONES: Yes. Oh, yes, I bet it was Greg.

GUTFELD: How dare you? Lawrence, you're a rising star.

JONES: Well, you know, I got a lot of good producers.

GUTFELD: Tyrus, it's really the host that makes the show.

TYRUS: That -- is that where you're going with? OK. We'll stick with that.
I'll stay in crazy land. Why not? I don't know this guy from Adam.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Nothing about him is interesting to me. It isn't.

JONES: He is kind of bland.

TYRUS: He is kind of bland. But do you realize that if he would have
committed a crime back then, served his time for an actual crime.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: When this brought it up, he'd be like, well, I served my time. I'm
sorry, I assaulted those three children outside the school bus. But I did
my three years and I'm moving on.

GUTFELD: Right.

TYRUS: And people would be like, yes, you're right. He was crass on a
podcast. Kat, you've ever heard Tyrus (INAUDIBLE)

TIMPF: Yes.

TYRUS: Damn. You know what I'm saying Like the fact that this was allowed
and shame on him. You're the E.P. How about you say, you know what? I made
some mistakes 10 years ago. Kiss my ass. Add that to it.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Write that in the show. Because even the apology -- the apology was,
I hate -- if you're not -- like I always tell my kids if you are not sorry
just take the whooping.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Because it's less I got to hear. But the point is, is like, you
don't get to say I'm extremely humbled and I'm sorry. Even though it was a
decade ago. Make up your mind. It was a decade ago. Get over it.

GUTFELD: Exact-- and that's the thing. And so here's the lesson, Kat. Why
apologize if it doesn't matter? Why -- he lost his job. He lost the job,
even after apologizing. And we saw this with the Bachelor dude.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: And we see that -- if apologies -- if we no longer accept that as
currency, then screw it. Don't apologize. I will never -- I -- like --

BANDERAS: Don't ever admit when you're wrong. That's my motto.

GUTFELD: That is your motto.

TIMPF: Julie is huge on gaslighting.

TYRUS: So no. Don't and never admit when they say you're wrong.

BANDERAS: Yes. Absolutely. Deny, deny, deny.

TIMPF: It doesn't do any good because now they're talking about that woman
was --

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: Yes, yes. They're talking about her being the host of it now. And it
didn't take long before Mother Jones headline. Who is Mayim Bialik? A
terrible choice for Jeopardy host.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Saying that like decades ago, she adds like, you know had some, you
know, questions about different vaccines.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: Maybe some concerns about birth control pills, so nobody will ever
be good enough. This guy said some creepy weird stuff. I mean, like if
somebody like I was working with us ever like, oh, is that picture of you -
- of your boob, you know, boobs? Yes, right. Like no picture of me has
boobs in it but --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Your point -- your point is taken that he would not be a guest on
our show, like we would have him on our show.

TYRUS: He's bland.

GUTFELD: Yes, he's bland and he's cheesy.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: He's like a generic form of cheese puffs.

JONES: No seasoning.

GUTFELD: Not the quality kind. Just the kind that you, you know, you get in
a vending machine at a private airplane.

JONES: Are you just saying this because he's white?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: He's with Five at this weekend. So, congratulations, Greg.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You know what, Julie, I love how these reporters are -- like CNN
treated the person that harpoon this guy as like a Woodward and a
Bernstein.

JONES: Yes.

GUTFELD: Like he broke an unsolved murder.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: Yes.

BANDERAS: Like they just uncovered a deep dark secret.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

BANDERAS: Which by the way, Sony did no vetting whatsoever.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

BANDERAS: So I mean, Kat could have totally gotten the job. And that's how
she got this job clearly because you didn't vet her --

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: You did not vet. You did not vet.

GUTFELD: I knew. If I knew half the stuff that I knew now about Kat I would
not have been in the same room with her.

(CROSSTALK)

BANDERAS: Yes. I mean, I just think you should own it, like hey, I have a
legitimate question. Have you taken naked pictures on in his mind boobie
pics but who says boobie aside from like a breastfeeding trial?

GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes.

BANDERAS: So I don't know.

TYRUS: Hold on. He doesn't get vetted?

BANDERAS: Yes.

TYRUS: He gets vetted every time I come in the building.

GUTFELD: We -- I'm getting vetted right now as I -- as I sit here. It's
quite -- well, anyway, I got (INAUDIBLE) my brain is out working. Nice
working on the "THE FIVE" though, Tyrus.

TYRUS: Oh, thanks.

GUTFELD: You're welcome. Up next. They hate a man who's smart and black
because he refuses to be a liberal hack.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Does the brother from South Central
have liberal media going mental? True, the media must be terrified for
they're treating a conservative black man like he's in the Ku Klux Klan.
According to the L.A. Times California Gubernatorial Candidate Larry Elder,
is the black face of white supremacy?

Of course, that premise only makes sense if you're a stupid jackass. As a
successful black conservative, Elder defies every stereotype the race
hustlers need to advance their toxic agenda. The article was the usual
trash talking session between black activists on the left and black
activists on the far, far left. To the liberal media, that's called
covering both sides. To normal people, that means the leftist boobs,
there's that word, who've run California into the ground are getting
scared.

Gavin Newsom's hanging on by one hair gel slicked hand. And judging by the
new probe into Elder's finances, the state in the media coming after him
with everything they can dig up. Just take a look at this clip from CNN's
Puckered Fisher, Jim Acosta.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JIM ACOSTA, CNN HOST: Larry Elder, he's made a number of disparaging
remarks about women. I want to ask you, I want you to listen to this. Let
me ask you about this on the other side.

LARRY ELDER, CALIFORNIA GUBERNATORIAL CANDIDATE: When you look at all these
women that have marched, something like two million women, Donald Trump has
probably gotten more obese woman off the couch and in the streets working
out than Michelle Obama did in eight years.

ACOSTA: That's discussing, what he said is disgusting.

REP. DARRELL ISSA (R-CA): In tens of thousands of hours if that's the best
you have, you don't really have anything on Larry Elder.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes, Jim, if there's one thing Democrats can't stand, it's a
governor who disrespects women, you idiot. And that, by the way, was a
classic roast joke. All right, the good news for Larry is Liberals can be
very forgiving. After all, Democrat Governor Ralph Northam, who wore
blackface next to a guy in a Klan hood still has a job.

Come to think of it. So does Ebony enthusiast Sarah Silverman and Jimmy
Kimmel. Looks like there's a lot of black faces on the Liberal side of
white supremacy too. All right, I'm just going to shut up now. Tyrus, and
Lawrence, you guys can you know, have a conversation.

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Wow, Greg.

GUTFELD: I know.

TYRUS: Just wow. You know what though, I think we're missing the point
here.

LAWRENCE JONES, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: I like when he does this,
though, I really do.

TYRUS: You know, but, you're missing.

GUTFELD: You guys are black? I'm going to go have a smoke.

TYRUS: You know I'm going to be honest, though, we're missing a really
like, wow, in my lifetime, growing up as a kid, and I never thought that
white supremacist would appoint a black man is the head of their charter.

I mean, that is progress. We made it. You know, I mean, David Chappelle, he
did the same thing but even David, they still made him wear a hood. You
know what I'm saying, white supremacists have come a long way. And I would
just, like you guys. We made it. We're everywhere.

GUTFELD: You know what, you're taking all the jobs.

TYRUS: Here's the deal, I'm not Larry Elder's fan. I think he talks too
fast. It's just I can't stick with him. So, here's the deal, I don't agree
with his politics, but I would never question him as a black man because of
what he thinks about fiscal responsibility, money and policy.

That has nothing to do with the color of his skin, but it has everything to
do with the person doing that reporting and attacking him because they
can't beat him intellectually, and it's the desperate attempt when you have
when you scare somebody and they come down. The last thing that got is a
little ignorant, broken heart is all they can do is say, look at him, he's
Uncle Tom, or he's (BLEEP).

That's literally that's what all they got. That's when the argument is
over. And they try to bring you in and he's not clean, not going to fall
for that. But that says a lot more about them than him.

JONES: I agree with everything Tyrus said, but you got governor, literally
black face, literally, literally. He can do it. And then you got governors
all across the country now. And mayors that are Democrats, banning black
people from going to restaurants and they're not vaccinated.

GUTFELD: Right.

JONES: And so, when you see this happening across the country, this is
desperation. This is the Democratic Party realizing that they're losing
black folks. They're doing it. They're taking our civil liberties away.
They don't care about -- they're allowing violence just run rampant, and it
has nothing to do with liking Larry Elder.

You can choose another black conservative, somebody who is a libertarian
help. Go vote for the Democrats. I don't care. It's just a matter of that
they're losing on the ground. And so now they're going to bash him.

GUTFELD: Yes. I think they're scared, Julie.

JULIE BANDERAS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL ANCHOR: Yes.

GUTFELD: I think the, the Democratic Party is scared.

BANDERAS: I think they're afraid of a black person disagreeing with them
and actually taking the other side, which I think is absurd. Every time
that somebody takes aside, that's a little bit against something they
believe. Critical Race Theory --

GUTFELD: Yes.

BANDERAS: A lot of people in this country believe it's B.S.

GUTFELD: Right.

BANDERAS: Teachers included. So, if a black teacher speaks up against it,
she's going to be considered white supremacist. I mean, it's -- I've never
heard of such an awful use of using the race card against a black person.

TYRUS: It's a control.

BANDERAS: Being racist.

TYRUS: There's a lane that we're supposed to be in. He's Uncle Tom, I'm
Uncle Tom, because we're free thinkers.

BANDERAS: Right.

TYRUS: And we don't want governments paying our way. That's not the norm.
You're, you need us.

JONES: I still got my street cred.

TYRUS: I have two chips. I'm a champion. I asked backwards. (BLEEP),
nothing has changed about me. Nothing.

GUTFELD: I would like to see any of these activists who were quoted as
saying this to any of you. I don't think they would last more than three.

TYRUS: They won't. That's now how they work.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

TYRUS: It takes courage to confront even ignorant courage. They'll do it on
a T.V. show or in a newspaper article. Yes.

GUTFELD: You know, Kat, it must be hard for you, as the face of white
supremacy, see that it's being handed over to somebody else.

TYRUS: Just go with it,

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: I'm not an expert. Like he looks
black to me. I don't have a degree in it. But this -- the woman who wrote
this article to her bio, which says, you know, she's that she writes about
diversity. She's an expert in diversity. But so I'm surprised she doesn't
know that you know, the phrase, but we talk about black people that
actually represents a group of unique individuals that have unique
perspectives as individuals.

GUTFELD: All right.

TIMPF: See, I don't even need to get that degree.

GUTFELD: Coming up, well, Tesla's new A.I. make boring jobs go bye-bye.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: In case you forgot, Tesla made a bot. But will these new androids
become cheap labor on steroids? Elon Musk, if that's his real name,
recently unveiled plans for a humanoid robot that operates with the same
A.I. software as Tesla's self-driving cars.

I wonder if it beeps when it backs up. Little car humor there. Relax
audience, I don't want you to fall out of your chairs. Elon says, it's
designed dangerous physical jobs, but also boring, repetitive tasks like
writing for The New York Times. However, don't think the robot apocalypse
is happening anytime soon.

The bots are only five-feet and eight inches tall, so I tower over them.
And at 125 pounds, they're designed to make us all feel fat. But I guess
like the locks on Brian Stelter's fridge they were designed to be quickly
overpowered.

TYRUS: Damn.

GUTFELD: That was a long road for a satisfying joke. Joe, is this a glimpse
into humanity's future? Will robots become the new working class? Or is
this just some big publicity stunt? After all, instead of showcasing a
working prototype, Tesla hired a dancer in a costume, and this is real.

Good to see Don Lemon finding work to supplement his income. But maybe
robot, robots will be put to good use, like hosting "Jeopardy." At this
point, at this point, they're the only ones without our trouble pass or are
they?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Peep-poop-boop. Oh, four slides really turned me on?
It's wrong, but it feels so right.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Joe, what the hell is going on here? What is none of
your damn business?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So, I think we can pretty much forget if we catch the robot having
sex with a T.V. and a toaster, Kat, that's the end.

TIMPF: Or the beginning. Foreplay.

GUTFELD: Yes, foreplay.

TIMPF: I'm not worried. Look, I, I'm not worried about this. I am inspired
by the confidence of Elon Musk because there's nothing there's no progress
on this or that he knows what it's going to look like. Which is going to
look like a human, which doesn't take much creativity because we already do
have humans and know what those look like. So, I mean, good for you. And I
think I'm going to start trying to do that.

GUTFELD: Good. You know what --

TIMPF: I, I have a book coming out.

GUTFELD: He's, he is -- to you?

TIMPF: No.

GUTFELD: So, I had this theory, and I don't know which one -- I'm not, I'm
not going to go to Tyrus, because he always shoots down my theories. So,
I'm going to go to you, Julie, my theory is, since this is about the death
of actual labor, right? Will now be an option to lift things, so it raises
the question: will there be an arms race for your robot, so it's no longer
whether you and I can fight? It's like whether my robot can take on your
robot? I've been thinking about --

JONES: That was deep.

BANDERAS: That was really deep.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BANDERAS: It made no sense. But I thought it was interesting that Musk
describes this human replacement bot as such, and this is what sold me:
human level hands. I love that. And it's going to eliminate dangerous,
repetitive boring tasks. Right. So with that said, I'm wondering how this
technology might affect like the, you know, future of blow up dolls.

GUTFELD: Right.

BANDERAS: Or husbands?

GUTFELD: Yes.

BANDERAS: Because why need them? I you don't need either.

GUTFELD: It's true, especially if it's good looking.

BANDERAS: It's going to wipe out marriage, I think.

GUTFELD: It's good. It's like what pornography has done to like, I won't
get into it. But Lawrence, Lawrence, let's talk about race. Let's talk
about race.

JONES: Yes. Why not?

GUTFELD: Is there, there's going to be no racial component to robot.

BANDERAS: And why the white uniform? White Leotards? It's a racist bot.

GUTFELD: It is racist bot.

TYRUS: But his head was black.

BANDERAS: Oh that's true.

GUTFELD: He covered every base.

BANDERAS: He was biracial.

JONES: I don't like this at all.

GUTFELD: It's an international intersectional robot, Lawrence.

JONES: No, because the one thing I got is that everybody loves chocolate.
So, robots out there you go steal from my thunder. Look, I am scared -- no
matter what is wrapped.

TIMPF: That's should be the name of your book.

JONES: I'm seeing a fan club already.

GUTFELD: It should Jonezing.

TYRUS: Price itself.

JONES: But here's the deal. All right, so I knew this was coming. I knew
the robots are coming. I just wanted to be dead, before -- I thought the
only solution, let's do the after the chocolate series. That was the money.
OK, so the only way I'm down for this is what if I volunteer for them to
put the robot parts on me?

GUTFELD: Oh, yes. So, you're --

JONES: Because then I'm still chocolate.

GUTFELD: Yes, you're still chocolate.

JONES: I'm just wrapped in metal.

GUTFELD: Yes.

JONES: So, I'm down. I volunteer.

GUTFELD: There you go. That's interesting. Half man, half machine, Tyrus.

TYRUS: Aren't we all?

JONES: Terminator.

TYRUS: Yes, well, you know what, as long as we have a cup of water, a cup
of water, any sweat, no robot, he gets mouthy. Boom! My problem would be
not for the ladies, because they'll download the model and just and then
guys get a virus and you'll get the nagging virus. You know what I'm saying
over possessive virus. Or the critic outsized everything virus. You know
what I'm saying? Every time you want to get pizza, like you really think
you should be having pizza. I mean, you can only, I mean literally --

TIMPF: I have all those viruses.

TYRUS: Or just be dumping. That's all the reasons why you don't want a
robot.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: The good news is, they're so close. They had to use a dance model,
which means that it's not happening ever. But the fact that everyone was
getting nervous about it just shows how spoiled this country is that literally that there will be somebody who will have a safe space, talking
about fear of the incoming humanoid robots, doing our job and dancing
better than all of our sprite commercials. What are we going to do? Like
when is it coming? Facts don't matter. It's here. And I'm saying, guys,
don't worry.

GUTFELD: Yes, cup of water.

TYRUS: I got.

GUTFELD: We can beat the entire robot force with just a garden hose.
Awesome. All right, up next, did mothers hit the bottle when the pandemic
went full throttle?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: The pandemic blues make moms turn to booze. A new study finds that
mothers with young kids were drinking 323 percent more between the start of
the pandemic and the end of last year. I'd give a more precise figure but I
was drunk too. Bottom line drinking was up across the board in 2020 but
spiked the most with moms who had kids under five.

Researchers even interviewed one mother who had been boozing so much that
she had no idea that the pandemic even existed. We went to her for comment.

BANDERAS: (BLEEP). What an idiot. I have so much to say about this.

GUTFELD: Go for it.

BANDERAS: I'm guessing you probably knew that.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BANDERAS: I think they went about this study completely wrong. First of
all, I want to know of the 323 percent increase how many of those
functioning alcoholic moms which by the way, there's nothing wrong with
that. A is for quitters. And I have a random list that I don't have time to
go through as to why I drink as much as I do.

I want to know if those functioning alcoholic moms had working husbands at
home because that number would have tripled easily from my professional
opinion. Because if my husband would get out of my basement, I probably
would drink. Well, I'd still drink but maybe not 323 percent more.

GUTFELD: You hate your husband.

BANDERAS: No. I love alcohol.

GUTFELD: Kat, I did the math here, basically, 323 percent is basically like
going from zero to three drinks. So, just, it when, it's talking about day
drinking, which is not a bad thing. Day drinking is the best kind of
drinking.

TIMPF: It's a great thing.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And you know what, it's also not my fault. I drink more during the
lockdown. Like, it didn't -- what didn't just last a month or two. It kept
going kept, people, it's like yes, because we were still locked down. I'm
sorry, but you don't let me go anywhere, I'm going to go somewhere in my
mind.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.

TIMPF: I feel like I should be able to write off all my blackouts on my
time.

GUTFELD: I like drinking in the daytime, Lawrence, because it turns the day
to two days.

JONES: Yes.

GUTFELD: Because you can sober up and then drink again at night.

JONES: That's exactly right. Pass amigos? A little soda in there.

GUTFELD: Yes.

JONES: Or a little whiskey. You can take your pick, but I believe this
story. I believe it because the, the moms have to deal with the badass
kids, right?

GUTFELD: Right.

JONES: Now, I know why they were really upset with the teachers union.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's because they made them drink.

JONES: They have to experience what the teachers have been experiencing all
along. Your badass kid.

GUTFELD: You've been around these brats. They make you drink, Tyrus. Do you
have any thoughts on this?

TYRUS: You know what, I'm just going to take the bullet for the team. Oh,
of course, it's the pandemic. You know what, can I just, could women just
have one glass of accountability? Like the dads don't get to save the
pandemic, that's why we're drinking. They can't say that, it's the drunk
wife making us do all the chores in the house and yelling at us because
they were going to be prom queen, and they had big plans and they ended up
with you. Like that's, that's not fair. No one else takes us
accountability.

JONES: That's why you're sleeping on the couch right there.

TYRUS: I sleep on the couch with a badge of (BLEEP) honor. I Take
responsibility for my actions. I am so sick of every time women do
something, there has to be a 320 percent? Pandemic had nothing to do with
that. Nothing. It's what happens when you got to be home for more than four
hours, you drink wines and criticize everybody in the house.

JONES: Why is he married? I'm not. I said all the right things and he says
this --

TYRUS: Because I know she don't watch the show. I'm Shawshank right now.
But it's real man, just your own damn fault quit blaming us for every damn
thing. We didn't open the bottle. Well usually, yes, we do, we have to open
the bottle, pull the cork, pour it for you and bring it to you.

JONES: So, now, it's our fault.

TYRUS: It's always our fault.

BANDERAS: I uncork all dozen bottles daily, I don't need help.

TYRUS: Even if your -- if your wife cheats on you, it's your fault, because
you didn't make her feel pretty good and didn't listen to her. You try that
story with her. Well, dear, I felt unattractive. I met you fat.

GUTFELD: Oh my gosh! Don't go away. We'll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: All right, thanks to Julie Banderas, Lawrence Jones, Kat, Tyrus,
studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with evil Shannon Bream is next. I'm
Greg Gutfeld and I love you America.

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