This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," May 18, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MAYOR BILL DE BLASIO (D), NEW YORK CITY: -- winning like the Nets. Amazing season, number one rated offense in the NBA. Kyrie Irving historic season. But the biggest victory for the Nets is yet to come.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Yes. And the big victory for New York is when you finally leave.
And yet another scoop missed by Woodward and Bernstein, Washington Post reporter Carol Leonnig claims that Donald Trump didn't want any fat or short Secret Service agents on his detail. Now, that's hard hitting journalism. If these allegations proved true, not only was President Trump guilty of institutional fat shaming, he also singlehandedly crushed the lifelong dreams of a shy chunky young lad by the name of Brian Stelter.
There's a long way for a joke. Now this is from a book on the Secret Service. But the only buzz being generated, it is about the most interesting man on the planet since that old guy who drinks those techies, Trump.
According to the book, Trump once said, "I want these fat guys off my detail." He added, how are they going to protect me and my family if they can't run down the streets? You don't even have to add anything to this. So, once again, someone's trying to sell a book based on a conversation that likely cannot be verified by someone on record. And what happens everyone in the press calls the same source to verify it.
That's their confirmation, misinformation loop. But we don't do that here at GUTFELD. Mainly because we don't have the budget for a phone and I'm really lazy. But also there's no need to because I believe that quote is 100 percent factual.
Of course, Trump would say he doesn't want that guys on his detail, because that's what we all say if we were the president, too. He is us. We are him. He is right. Only -- one of the only reasons to be president is the perks. This is not a great job. Half the country hates you. And you always have to wear a suit and a tie, even at bed. And unless you're a left-wing shill, the media despises you. And you can't even look at a woman without being accused of something.
And even if you do get lucky, how can you be intimate when there are three men with guns nearby? I mean, I can't. I practice a lot in prison. And God forbid you want to have a drink. You'll have to put the whiskey in a juice box which is something I learned from the gals on outnumbered.
Having Secret Service is priority number one. As president you can do anything. Hey, let's drive by my old guidance counselor's house and pelt is used Miata with rotten eggs. And if anyone comes for you, the Secret Service can shoot them in the face. I think that's in the constitution. I didn't check but I'm assuming. Look, when I become president I don't want an agent who looks like a coke machine with a head.
I want him to -- I want him or her to look like, you know, Dolph Lundgren during the alleged steroid phase, alleged. Or Carl Weathers in the Action Jackson phase. What a body on that, huh? And he needed one to fight Craig T. Nelson. Nobody remembers Craig T. Nelson. So, you need a show of force, not a show of flab. You want Clint Eastwood, not Clint Howard. And remember, the movie was called In the Line of Fire, not In the Line of Dairy Queen.
This is why Trump was so beloved. He'd say what you would say, he didn't lower -- he didn't lower any bar. He spoke like you do when you're at a bar. Of course Trump also didn't want short people there either. So, as a member of that community whose height has been historically underrepresented in law enforcement and also on dating shows, should I throw a tantrum? Should I drown myself in a teapot or hang myself from a bowling trophy? Now I get it.
If you're supposed to take a bullet for the President, it's kind of unfair if the President is a taller target than you. That seems like a thing that should be on the checklist of human shields. Is he in reasonably good shape? Check. Does he owned a pair of mirrored sunglasses? Check. Is he taller than Peter Dinklage? Check. Of course, this service has fitted standards for agents in the field, you have to be able to run a mile in under 10 minutes and beat up 10 hippies while writing a black bear.
But some agents they also have office jobs, and that's where I would work. I know my place. I can catch a typo, but not a bullet. I'll take one for the team as long it's a -- it has -- it's a spice latte with skim. Plus, I'd have a really cool secret code name like sorry ladies, he's married. But this excerpt is meant to portray Trump once again as intolerant claiming he tried to remove staff he deemed too fat or too short.
Boohoo. No one minded when he enforced the same standards for the Miss Universe pageant, telling men who are too fat or too short that she didn't make the cut. That happens all the time. among women, it's known as dating. Kat, back me up. All right. Don't. Fine. I wonder what our angry white male thinks.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TOM SHILLUE, AMERICAN STAND-UP COMEDIAN: You know, one of the things I learned in life, not everyone can do everything. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a baseball player or a fireman. I guess I'm not suited to either one of those. Yes. There's a lot I can't do. But if you want a guy who can whittle a stick into something recognizable? I'm your man. What do you think? Human hand?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Tolerant jerk. I wonder what our angry black male thinks.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TYRUS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: What it is, sir? President Trump said he didn't want to short fat guy as a bodyguard. I (BLEEP) knew I.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: You know, once again the media experiencing their trademark Trump withdrawal seeks their next fix in another dopey excerpt. But remember this, Trump may not be a fan of imperfect physiques but he never denigrated the working guy in law enforcement. You want to contrast? Try Joe Biden's recent comments commemorating National Police Week, after a perfunctory expression of gratitude.
He noted "A deep distrust towards law enforcement, which has been exacerbated by the recent deaths of several black and brown people at the hands of law enforcement." He's like a guy with a sore tooth. He just couldn't leave it alone. Thanks for that, Joe. Remind me not to have you give the eulogy at my funeral. Of course the slandering of the police seems way worse to me anyway than wanting reasonably fit people to protect you in your country.
And of course, it was Trump's insult, not Joe's that gets more coverage. Do you think Trump gives two rips about what the positive body image crowd thinks? Fat chance.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.
GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. We were worried he wouldn't come back after Kat tried to steal his prescription pad. Host of Ask. Dr. Drew, Dr. Drew Pinsky. He's from the Hawkeye State and always straight former acting Attorney General Matt Whitaker. She likes her Prince Harry, Fox News contributor Kat Timpf. He's so huge getting on his good side takes two trips, my massive sidekick and host of "NUFF SAID" on Fox Nation. Tyrus.
All right, Dr. Drew, we're going to wait in some dangerous territory.
DR. DREW PINSKY, BOARD-CERTIFIED PHYSICIAN: Yes. I want to thank you for that homoerotic opening. Well done. I mean, I don't know what that did for you. But I know my wife enjoyed it.
(CROSSTALK)
PINSKY: -- evidently too. So --
GUTFELD: Sounds very disgusting.
PINSKY: How dare you?
GUTFELD: I remember them from bars, though. Yes, OK. You're a doctor or so, you claim. I've never seen a proof of this.
PINSKY: How dare you? Do we have to go there?
GUTFELD: Just give me a prescription pad and everything will be done. Are people that are overweight or short, physically less capable in this particular job?
PINSKY: Yes, right. I mean, people become firemen. They have to pass certain kinds of testing. When people become Secret Service, but apparently, they have standards and these guys all passed it. But it does sound like Trump, doesn't it? It really sounds like him being him where everybody gets fired if they're not up to his specific little qualifications. I -- by the way, you mentioned the Miss Universe pageant.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PINSKY: I believe on the only guest you've ever had that was actually a judge on the Miss USA pageant for him.
GUTFELD: Oh, wow.
PINSKY: Yes. He sat behind me with Melania. And it was an interesting experience --
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: You're the strangest doctor I've ever met.
PINSKY: Thank you for that. I thank you.
GUTFELD: (INAUDIBLE) you know, I saved the patient on a plane. I was a judge on a pageant. You make me sick. Dr. Drew. You have saved many people's lives.
PINSKY: I had.
GUTFELD: I kid, I kid.
PINSKY: I know that.
GUTFELD: All right. Matt, welcome to the show.
MATTHEW WHITAKER, FORMER ACTING ATTORNEY GENERAL: Thank you.
GUTFELD: I know this isn't like those other Fox shows.
WHITAKER: Oh, it's not. Plus, I'm not remote from Des Moines. That's the other thing.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Right now you wish you were. Do you think -- do you think the President -- I believe he said this and you work with the president.
WHITAKER: I did. I was in his cabinet? I spent a lot of time --
(CROSSTALK)
PINSKY: Yes. But what I know is he's in the Miss USA pageant. Do you understand?
WHITAKER: Yes.
PINSKY: You know he's meant from Miss Universe to Miss USA like --
WHITAKER: Or whatever. I, you know, obviously he likes fit law enforcement. You know, Attorney General being jacked. I might add but -- and then he had Bill Barr. Bill Barr is very obviously jacked.
GUTFELD: Yes.
WHITAKER: But I, you know, I think it's important, when I -- when I had that, you know, that glorious moment where I had a security detail of FBI agents. I mean, they were all, you know, very fit and willing to break a lot of necks from what I could tell. So, you know, I think it is good. And in the President's defense, it was -- it's a visual medium.
GUTFELD: Right, right.
WHITAKER: And so he wanted to make sure that he had people that looked like me around him.
GUTFELD: Yes. No, but that that's exactly right almost -- because he is a product of our culture and a product of television, Tyrus. You are -- you were a bodyguard.
TYRUS: Yes. I was.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: I -- the -- you know, I'm with him I don't have an issue with him not wanting short fat guys or whatever is around him because being a bodyguard takes a special kind of dude and although I did my job to the best of my ability, there was always a little voice in the back of my head, if they pull a gun, quit. So, you know what I'm saying? Like --
GUTFELD: Don't take the bullet, it says new (INAUDIBLE)
TYRUS: You know, I mean, I don't even like his music that much. You know, like gun --resume, resume in two weeks --
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: By the way, by the way, somebody could literally yell gun every five minutes in the entourage you are traveling with.
TYRUS: Well, that's how you always find out who's really got it, you know, and I disagree with the president a little bit because in all my bodyguard stuff it wasn't always the other big guys that I would rely on. I usually work with someone your size because he could see things that I didn't.
GUTFELD: Oh, you mean like the ground and --
(CROSSTALK)
TYRUS: Yes. And like -- but I look up here at his and he sees bodies, he sees people's waistbands.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: It's important because you know who's touting and who's not.
GUTFELD: Oh, I get it. I can where the gun is.
TYRUS: A guy has got a gun stuffed in a small of his back or the side that you can see it. And I hear a little voice, it's like Dennis Allen. You pull on my gene like, Tryus. Yes, Greg? Done. Oh, thank you, Greg. And then we go get him.
GUTFELD: Eye that can travel on your shoulders.
TYRUS: Yes.
GUTFELD: Like a little wiggling nymph. I see your show. Kat, do you remember the bodyguards for Gaddafi? Do you remember that? The hot girls? Do remember this?
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Yes. Which is -- this is -- you didn't talk about my favorite part of this story which is that apparently these body guards were so hot.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: That Tiffany Trump broke up with her boyfriend started spending a lot of alone time with one of the bodyguards. And nobody does -- we don't talk about Tiffany Trump enough because I -- I'm more and more convinced the more I hear about her that she's awesome.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: And like, you just said that, you know Trump, is so ruthless in this and -- he is, but I think it's nothing compared to how ruthless Tiffany. I am serious. OK? And you know, January 19th. Right before Biden's inauguration. Obviously a lot of stuff going on in her family, right?
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: What did she do? She goes to Instagram and announces her engagement to another guy who she met partying at Lindsay Lohan Beach Club in Mykonos. Like drunk may not give a (BLEEP) but Tiffany gives no (BLEEP) she want to party with Tiffany.
GUTFELD: I think we could stop on that note. I was -- I was going to use my Breakfast at Tiffany joke but you know what? I think you said it all.
TYRUS: Yes.
GUTFELD: All right. Up next. Does AOC want gang members scot free? We discuss.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Shed a tear for the dearly deported. So far, left Dems are pushing to end targeted deportations of criminal illegal immigrants, including suspected gang members like those from M.S.-13 who've been tied to brutal killings across the country, which I guess would make those felons anchor criminals. New York Congressman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez says like that's funny. Said this country is at a "racial reckoning." I mispronounced her name. That's funny.
She joins 34 Democrats and demanding an immigration overhaul including pulling back on targeting gang members for deportations. She's right. These undocumented felons are just coming here to commit felonies that Americans won't do themselves. AOC writes, "The definition of an aggravated felony is a relic of the racist war on drugs." Adding the member Adam invites racial profiling by presuming that an immigrant is a public safety enforcement and removal priority if they've been convicted of an offense in which an element was active participation in a gang or someone older than 16, who intentionally participated in a gang.
OK. Take a breath. The memorandum she's criticizing says that we should prioritize the deportation of convicted criminals who are also gang members. So, where's the racist part? Was the guy who wrote the memo wearing blackface at the time? I must have missed it. Keep in mind, these gang members mostly prey on other Central American immigrants with crimes including murder and child prostitution.
We're not talking about mixing recyclables or misgendering a cashier, these are bad people doing bad things. So in a AOC's world, we can't put these felons in prison, and we also can't deport them. So what should we do with them? Give them their own shows on CNN, I hear they're hiring.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.
GUTFELD: So Matt, it always feels like the far left like they hate -- they hate American citizens more than they hate illegal immigrant criminals. And they -- I mean, if you can't put them in jail, what do you do with that? I mean --
WHITAKER: And this is the only category that really you can currently deport. If you think about the Biden administration. I mean, they've reversed every policy and this is kind of the last thing that we all agree on.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes.
WHITAKER: Getting rid of the violent gang members that are here illegally if -- I mean, if that, you know, I've often said that the two parties appear to be tacking towards different goals currently which is the first time in our nation's history. And I think that's where -- this is the example of it because this is a -- this would be a blanket amnesty. And meanwhile, the southern border is just pouring in and you don't think there's people that are want to do bad things. You're -- this is, you know, that's very Pollyannaish.
GUTFELD: It is. It is. I wish I knew what that meant, Pollyannaish. I always see if --
WHITAKER: I nearly got it out.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: I always hear people say that and I said naive. It means naive, Tyrus. I think that's --
(CROSSTALK)
TYRUS: Yes. Very good, Greg. Very proud of you. Yey.
GUTFELD: You know what?
TYRUS: Yey.
GUTFELD: That's a very interesting thing about like, how the parties are going this way. It almost feels like we are kind of entering this phase of two different countries. Like there's one that it's -- like, OK, fine that these states will deal with their immigration in a different way than this these states. Well, there's a solution.
(CROSSTALK)
TYRUS: Well, it's the states that are furthest away from where the problem is that have all the great ideas.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: I couldn't agree more with AOC on this one. I think this is a great idea. I think we should give Sally Struthers and do a little infomercial. You know, for just six cents a day.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: You can adopt a gang member, bring into your home by take one shot here or see me no more. He's three teardrops away from being a new soldier. You could bring him, we could fly Him into your neighborhood.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: He could, you know, he could stay with you for just six cents a day and your youngest daughter.
GUTFELD: Yes
(CROSSTALK)
TYRUS: My point is if you brought them to their doorstep or their town, this would not be the thing. They'd be like they've got to go, we've got to do something, we need the National Guard, we need more police mark, we got to do some.
GUTFELD: Yes, it's interesting --
(CROSSTALK)
TYRUS: So, it's always fun for when you're safe in New York talking about what you need to do in Arizona and California. It's amazing.
GUTFELD: It's two different countries, Kat. I think we're headed towards a bifurcation, a word I had to look up today.
TIMPF: Yes. I don't know what it means.
GUTFELD: I don't know, splitting. I don't even know --
(CROSSTALK)
TIMPF: Yes. So it means, splitting. OK, Greg. Well, I don't know because I -- my views on immigration right have always been, you know, any non- violent person who wants to come contribute to our economy should be able to do so because I don't -- and it contribute the economy (INAUDIBLE) because I don't believe in a welfare state period. And that's always where people on the left have, you know, disagreed with me there.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: And now apparently they're also going to disagree with me on the violent part.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: Which is really truly shocking. I don't -- I mean, it's not -- you - - I'm OK with discriminating against violent people.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: I don't like people who commit violent crimes. I also thought it was interesting because years ago when I was doing stand-up, there was a guy who I did stand up with, he's on some of the same shows and he got caught with cocaine and he got deported.
GUTFELD: Right.
TIMPF: And he was a white guy who got deported back to London. So, what would she -- would she call that injustice too or no?
GUTFELD: I don't know. And you lost your connection?
TIMPF: Yes.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: But that's not true. She does not do drugs. She does not do drugs at all. At least right now while we're on set. Afterwards, it's another story. All hell breaks loose. So, do it off, Dr. Drew's head.
TIMPF: Following Matt. Yes.
(CROSSTALK)
WHITAKER: --better though. It would work better off hat.
TIMPF: First thing I thought when I saw you.
PINSKY: I just -- there's so many things that are happening in this country right now. I don't understand where they're going. I just, you know, the homeless thing in Los Angeles, I was asking someone who's defending it. So what if they show up on my lawn or --
GUTFELD: Right.
PINSKY: -- you know, that's where we go. I like to go into my son's bedroom? Yes. Well --
GUTFELD: Exactly.
PINSKY: It's like, well, I don't understand what the logic is. It seems to be no logic, nowhere we're going with this. And that's the part I find most distressing because it just keeps -- there -- it's never enough. If there's just beef constantly. I have a beef. I have a beef. I have a beef.
TYRUS: Right.
PINSKY: Like what are we trying to do?
TYRUS: If I may, I'm not an epidemiologist, but I think it's my previous point. They're not affected. So they're talking from thousands of miles away --
PINSKY: Is that it?
TYRUS: -- on stuff that has nothing to do with them. Because if they were in the mix, they would not be saying that. She'd be the first one calling, there's gang members outside my house. Not there's new Americans here with shotguns and blades, it's going to be great. Oh, I have to go.
GUTFELD: Yes. And by the way, if you make that phone call, you're racist.
TYRUS: Right.
GUTFELD: This idea of move -- and now everything in which you are concerned about in life becomes racist. We've -- I mean, what can you can no longer protect yourself because that itself is racist.
PINSKY: It's just confusing.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PINSKY: I want to get it right. But I'm confused.
GUTFELD: How dare you discriminate against a gangbang or Dr. Drew?
TYRUS: I'll just be that racist guy with no crime in my front yard. I'll just be that.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: I'll take the heat.
GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly. The tradeoff is far superior. All right. We're going to move on. Up next, a guy who was relieved of command for his anti-Marxist scam.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Was he reassigned for speaking his mind? I speak of space force Lieutenant Colonel Matthew Lohmeier who was recently removed from his posts following comments he made on a recent podcast while promoting his new self-published book. Holy handsome look at that jaw, talk about square. You're going to have a picnic on it. Are we sure this guy's even from Earth? And can we trust someone this gorgeous to tell the truth? So, what got turtle luscious in trouble?
Well, on that podcast, Lohmeier slammed Critical Race Theory and Marxism in the military, which his superiors are now investigating to see if it constituted prohibited partisan political activity, or simply things that a sane person would say. Lohmeier or oh Meyer, as I like to call him, also criticized Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin's diversity and inclusion agenda. Here he is talking about it on the mysterious show called "HANNITY."
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
LT. COL. MATTHEW LOHMEIER, FORMER SPACE FORCE COMMANDER: There were videos being sent out to every base service member that we were asked to watch in preparation for our extremism down days and discussions on race in which we were taught that the country was evil that it was founded in 1619, and not 1776 and that whites are inherently evil. And so, I speak up against those things in my book.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I didn't hear a thing he said. This guy so damn looking, it's like looking into a mirror. This guy is planning on going where no man has gone before, sign me up. All right, Tyrus, I have been on this planet for many, many years. And when I come across someone that handsome, I don't know if they could be trusted, because he may be gliding by on his lustrous hair, his angular jaw, his subtle allure of his eyes, he might be completely incompetent. But he does look like a Space Force Commander, so I trust him on that.
TYRUS: OK, I'm clean again. All right. Listen, when this when this story first broke, I had this brothers back and I do agree with this stuff about the 1619 stuff is kind of ridiculous. We should do a little more research and maybe talk to African India, about slavery before we started blaming all on good old America. We cleaned it up in hundreds, they clean it -- there are thousands that's still going on. So let's not be so quick to blame it all on us, but I think he might be exaggerating just a (INAUDIBLE), to sell his book.
GUTFELD: Oh, yes, maybe.
TYRUS: You know, you got to get cleared, you know. And so he's kind of stepping onto -- he has some good ideas, but I think he's kind of getting, he's getting a little cloudy with what's actually being presented in the military and what's not. So I don't think he should have lost his post for speaking his mind in a podcast. But if he is embellishing to sell a book, I do have an issue with that.
GUTFELD: Kat, how are things at home with your new husband? Just curious. I mean, I mean, Space Force lieutenant, who cares? You know, at this point, all bets are off and all -- go for it.
TIMPF: They're actually going really well. And my husband, I also find to be good looking. Because I am, you know --
GUTFELD: He's no Space Force Commander.
TYRUS: But she did marry the guy, so I think she liked some of (INAUDIBLE) a little bit.
TIMPF: Yes.
GUTFELD: How dare you denigrate him?
TIMPF: Yes, and my husband also has great hair and he has a great jaw as well, which I --
TYRUS: OK, let's not discriminate against people without --
TIMPF: No, also want to point out, I also want to point out that the first time that you met Cam in the green room, the first comment you made about him was about he was good looking and about his jaw.
DR. DREW PINSKY, RADIO TALK SHOW HOST: Greg, is there something we need to talk about?
TIMPF: The very first thing. You were like, he seem like a nice guy like his jaw line.
GUTFELD: I was just saying with this guy. It's like, it's like, he just looks like a Space Force Commander, right? He looks straight at us out of what do you call it, central cast?
TYRUS: I'm not sharing your mind.
PINSKY: But thank you for not giving us a shirtless picture of him, I appreciate that.
GUTFELD: Oh, those are my private collection, Dr. Drew. How dare you? How dare you? Do you have a comment? What do you think of this?
TIMPF: Look, I'd like to also see what kind of information comes out. I don't -- it's not that I don't fully trust him, but I also don't perfectly trust the government either.
GUTFELD: You're right.
TIMPF: If they say that, oh, we'd never had, this never happen, but that doesn't mean it didn't. Trust no one ever.
GUTFELD: There you go. You've been watching "The X Files" again. Matt, do you think? Do you think that the government does have, if he didn't have this thing checked out, then they're kind of right, right?
MATT WHITAKER, FORMER ACTING ATTORNEY GENERAL: No, it is an active duty officer, he needed to clear this. But you know, I mean, obviously, he's not getting in trouble for comparing Marxism, which is a failed ideology to our lovely capitalistic system and a Democratic Republic or a Constitutional Republic.
I think what you said at the end is exactly why he's in trouble. He criticized the inclusion and diversity programs of the SECDEF. And so, that's, that's why, you know, this administration feels very strongly about diversity and inclusion, almost like the mantle that they're going to worship.
GUTFELD: Right.
WHITAKER: That's why that criticism is what's got them in hot water.
GUTFELD: There you. Dr. Drew, I faced a lot of discrimination because of being I guess, good looking. So, could this all be because he's just really good looking much like me.
PINSKY: Much like you, I'm going to say no.
GUTFELD: OK.
PINSKY: I'm going to say that's not the issue here at all.
GUTFELD: OK. What is the issue?
PINSKY: Well, it's something you and I have talked about in private. It sounds like.
TYRUS: No, let's do it here. Let's do it here.
GUTFELD: IT's all right, all right. Wait, we have a story on strippers coming up.
PINSLY: He's going to --
TYRUS: He's going to circle back.
PINSKY: He's trying, he's trying to blow a smoke right now. It's OK, it's all right.
GUTFELD: All right. Still to come a story about strippers. That special report refuses to cut.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
ANNOUNCER: "PANDEMIC-CON"
GUTFELD: As Fauci scoffed, they're still taking it off. As American strip club reopen, shout out to the essential workers. Sonic dancers are snagging a lot less cash and their fishnet stockings. Gone are the days of lap dance and VIP rooms and private shows for Brian Kilmeade. He's not up right now. He won't know about this until, like, next week.
Revenue in the industry has decreased 17.4 percent in 2020, and is expected to get worse this year. But there is a solution that's as clear as the heels on their feet. Economic migration, strippers in states with strong anti COVID measures can move to ones with more relaxed attitudes like Texas and Florida, where take it all off includes the mask.
Now about those states, they have better outcomes including zero COVID deaths in Texas since Slow Joe accused them of Neanderthal thinking, and that's what I call --
ANNOUNCER: "VICTORY FOR NEANDERTHALS."
GUTFELD: Turns out it's so easy a caveman could do it. But it stumped the president of the USA, maybe it was listening to this guy.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DR. ANTHONY FAUCI, WHITE HOUSE CORONAVIRUS TASK FORCE: I am now much more comfortable in people seeing me indoors without a mask. I mean, before the CDC made the recommendation change. I didn't want to look like I was giving mixed signals. But being a fully vaccinated person, the chances of my getting infected in an indoor setting is extremely low.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: So, it was all for show, Doc, saying so. You've been so consistent until this point. Speaking to shows, even ones no one watches Mika Brzezinski had this to say on morning, Joe.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MIKE BRZEZINSKI, NBC NEWS HOST: I am working with a team here. And there was one person on the team who is not vaccinated. I'm wearing a mask around that person. You know, it is really if you want to follow the science, then there are times you need to still wear the mask.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Wow, a way to make that person feel bad. But we have to agree, always wear a mask whenever you're near Joe Scarborough. What an awful thing. There's one person, one person here that might have cooties, by the way that is so anti science. So if you don't get that if you are wearing the mask for yourself.
PINSKY: It's exactly right.
GUTFELD: OK.
PINSKY: Exactly right.
GUTFELD: Kat, as a co-worker, I'm legally prohibited from asking you anything about the stripper story.
TIMPF: I love the strippers. I do because they are saying they want to work, right? That's very American and capitalist of them, they want to get back to work. And I really respect that, especially because it's a job I could absolutely never do. I can never do it. I can't walk in heels. I could never dance and then there's no way I could get through a lap dance without asking the guy if he was mad at me.
PINSKY: I have to tell you, I've not been to strip club since my bachelor party 30 years ago.
TYRUS: Good. Go with that. I like it.
PINSKY: But it's not fun for me because they come forward. They want to tell me about their cervical cancer, their lip procedures and things very bizarre.
GUTFELD: That is, you know -- I saw you jump out of your skin with the mucus stuff.
PINSKY: Yes. I mean, that's insane. Follow the science, you are vaccinated, you can't transmit if you're vaccinated. So, the only cannot get significant disease, you can't transmit if you'v been vaccinated. So, the only people that have to worry are people that choose not to be vaccinated and they wear a mask to protect themselves or not if they choose to. Yes, but it's not us wearing a mask after having been vaccinated does follow the science. Nothing.
GUTFELD: Yes. You know what pissed me off, Matt, was that basically, Fauci just admitted that he was lying in that hearing with Rand Paul, do you remember that? And Rand Paul was like going, I know, I'm -- Rand Paul's going, I'm right. I know this. And Fauci goes, he would go, with all due respect, Senator, you are not correct. He was lying.
WHITAKER: He was. And this is the thing, is this is the same guy that said we didn't need to wear masks.
GUTFELD: Yes.
WHITAKER: And then we did need to wear masks. And I guess that was because we didn't have enough mask, although everyone I see is wearing homemade masks.
GUTFELD: Right.
WHITAKER: And now we don't, and once you're vaccinated, you don't have to wear one. And so, this has been the person that is single handily driven all the confusion.
GUTFELD: Yes.
WHITAKER: And has never really followed the science as, as develop. So, I mean, I was told over the weekend by someone that I don't trust anything the government says, and I'm starting to sort of believe we all need to take the --
TIMPF: Welcome.
WHITAKER: I was part of the government. I was from the federal government, I was here to help.
GUTFELD: So, Tyrus, you have a choice here among the topics among the "PANDEMIC-CON," you can discuss the strippers getting back to work.
TYRUS: Pass.
GUTFELD: Pass?
TYRUS: I thought, you know, I didn't think strippers would need to go back to work because they weren't strippings, I assumed they were all in online college. Graduated by now and on their way to you know, law school and --
GUTFELD: Can strippers work from home?
TYRUS: I don't know the last time I was, the last I was at strip club was with Dr. Drew. I was young man, impressionable, but it was nice to sit next to a guy kept claiming by now he was a doctor. But you know, just -- Dr. Fauci, man, you know, it was just like three weeks ago, he's trying to go the double mask.
GUTFELD: Yes.
WHITAKER: Yes.
TYRUS: And then they said you couldn't, you had to wear a specific mask.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: You weren't -- I mean, they, they're really doubling down on this whole mass thing. And then the crisis at the border happened and the economy happened, and they're like, we need no masks give no mask, but no one told Fauci so then he had to come out with that. That is how you don't save your own ass boys and girls. That is horrible.
WHITAKER: That's also the highest paid government official.
GUTFELD: Right. That's right. That's right.
WHITAKER: Right.
GUTFELD: And you know what I learned, and you might remember, I remember this, but I have to move on anyway, he wasn't very good in the AIDS crisis. I didn't know that until last week.
PINSKY: Listen, he was my North Star then. That reason I got involved in radio because of him.
GUTFELD: He believed that it -- but he was, he believed, he believed that it was like contagious in the air, didn't he or something like that?
PINSKY: He, he was -- I told you, I told people when this thing started, he's going to be excessive. He's going to be conservative. It is how he does it. And he coached us up back in the 80s to really overstate the risk of HIV because he kept saying there'll be two million deaths, we don't do that.
GUTFELD: I get it.
PINSKY: But listen, that's public health messaging. Don't confuse it with science.
GUTFELD: Right?
PINSKY: Science is about challenging thing. Public Health is about consistency and being clear about things. They went, they got very confused.
GUTFELD: It's called propaganda, Dr. Drew.
WHITAKER: It sort of is.
GUTFELD: You and your strip club friends can all go to hell. Here's next. Beauty pageant, a new way to erase bad decisions that's next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Would you pay to delete a regretful tweets? According to information uncovered by an independent researcher, whatever the hell that means, for $2.99 a month, Twitter is considering a new service called Twitter Blue, which includes an undo button allowing subscribers to unsend a tweet for a few seconds after posting it, or who accidentally retweeted anything from Christy Tegan. Where would she go? A useful tool if you accidentally use your real account for a tweet that should have come from your anonymous Steve Doocy fan account. Hypothetically.
Twitter Blue would also allow users to organize favorite tweets into folders, which definitely sounds like a thing you should do instead of getting some fresh air. Dr. Drew has there ever been a tweet that you wish you could unsend?
PINSKY: Oh, I'm sure there are many. Yes, there are many. But it just reminds me about how much we're trying to control language these days. I mean, controlling the language seems to be the overriding impulse everyone has. I've been, I've been thinking a lot about some Abraham Lincoln said recently, recently, I've been thinking that recently.
Which was that, if the, if you call an elephant's trunk a leg, how many legs does an elephant have? Four, because calling it a trunk doesn't make it -- calling it a leg doesn't make the trunk a leg. And we are so busy trying to control language these days that we are just preoccupied with words, and Twitter, and messaging, and it's a big mess. We should be getting off Twitter not paying them more.
GUTFELD: Can we have a spider, instead of an elephant.
PINSKY: It wouldn't make it up.
TYRUS: This would be a good time to do it.
WHITAKER: Yes. So, for $2.99 undoing my tweet that I was going to be on the show is a really good idea.
GUTFELD: You're not even on Twitter, are you?
WHITAKER: Oh, yes.
GUTFELD: Oh, you are?
WHITAKER: @MattWhittaker46, shameless plug.
GUTFELD: Oh, there you go. That means 45 people got there before you.
WHITAKER: Exactly.
GUTFELD: All right, Kat, this seems like something that would be up your alley.
TIMPF: Yes. Because some -- you know, sometimes you have like, oh, you tweet something, and it's so good -- at least mine are. And then you notice you made a little typo, and then people might think that you were tweeting while you're drinking even though that's something you would never do.
GUTFELD: It's funny the ones that I regret, I just don't remember.
TIMPF: The next day, what is this?
GUTFELD: It's when Fox P.R. calls me? Did you see the see the press about something that you wrote? And it's like, some of the stuff was like completely, completely in my head innocuous, but apparently people like to take things out of context. Tyrus, do you ever wish life had an undo button, Tyrus?
TYRUS: Every morning when I get up. As I walk on the plane heading to New York, it would be so nice just to go. But I live in a really rural world. This is stupid. Don't give them a dime. You can't take it back. Somebody will have it. And even worse, on top of your bad tweet, they'll be, in other news, he attempted to delete his tweet. So, you really know how evil and bad he is. This is a setup. This is a horrible setup for someone who says something and tries to delete it or they make the mistake.
GUTFELD: That's a good point.
TYRUS: I was 12 years old and I said something dumb on Twitter. I tried to fix it. But when I'm trying to fix it, it's retweeted everywhere. And then you can't get drafted at 21 because you messed up when you were 12.
WHITAKER: And Twitter sucks now since Trump got kicked off.
GUTFELD: Yes.
WHITAKER: So, I mean, it's like it's a dying --
GUTFELD: Yes, it's like the funniest person at the bar, left the bar and now you're just stuck with his weird friends.
TIMPF: I don't know this Tiffany tweet, I got to look into that.
TYRUS: They shouldn't charge you to undo a tweet. I mean, that's just, again holding you, you got to pay.
GUTFELD: It's like that. You know, it's like that big foamy stain remover, they used to have this supermarket before your time, Kat, but it was a big, what did they call it the thing that would have the foam and steam, the steam remover? I don't know what it's called. But it's true. The moment you remove a tweet, somebody is going to have a screen grab of it immediately.
TYRUS: And you're guilty. Why do you try to remove it then?
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. Why I think you know the most the what would make Twitter the best thing is to remove trends. Because how would the lazy media know what a story is? So, they've they always are able to, I would say like 80 percent of the stories that we're seeing right now, our producer or somebody on a show, looking at Twitter trends, seeing what's trending and go, oh, this person must have said something, let's go after that person. But if you remove the Twitter trends, they'd all have to go back to drudge. That was a joke. But go back to drudge because drudges like socks. It's true.
PINSKY: But your point is well taken which is that you say things are relatively innocuous and they get twisted and as they are trending, they get twisted into something else and the media reports that as fact.
GUTFELD: Exactly.
PINSKY: You can, you can see fake news created real time on Twitter.
GUTFELD: No, it's amazing, it's amazing and it's out of your hands. It's like a little, it's a little moral tornado. All right, let's take a break. Be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Before we go, just a quick reminder that.
ANNOUNCER: "ANIMALS ARE JERKS. ANIMALS ARE JERKS. ANIMALS ARE JERKS."
GUTFELD: Set your DVRs every night so you never miss an episode. Thanks to Dr. Drew Pinsky, Matt Whitaker, Kat, Tyrus, studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with evil Shannon Bream is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America.
END
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