This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," May 23, 2020. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, HOST: It's true. Our president takes drugs.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DONALD TRUMP (R), PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I'm taking hydroxychloroquine.

QUESTION: When?

TRUMP: Right now. Yes. I was just waiting to see your eyes light up when I said this. But you know, when I announced this. But I happen to be taking it for about a week and a half.

QUESTION: Every day?

TRUMP: At some point -- yes, every day. I take a pill every day.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes, the President did the unthinkable. He told you he was taking a drug prescribed to him by a White House doctor. Why? Because he tells us everything, and the media's addled brains bubbled like cracked eggs on a hot sidewalk.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN ANCHOR: The President of the United States said today he is taking a drug to prevent coronavirus that the F.D.A. warns is dangerous, and study after study now show is useless against the virus.

DON LEMON, CNN ANCHOR: He is taking an unproven drug that medical experts warn can have harmful side effects.

This is really deadly serious. It is quite dangerous.

CHRIS CUOMO, CNN ANCHOR: Why does he bring up this hydroxychloroquine? I don't even know that he is really taking it, by the way.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: And that's just what they said between tokes.

Now, remember, Trump hadn't said he was taking some overpriced exotic root from the rain forest that Gwyneth Paltrow claims loosened her chakras. He wasn't licking some toxic acid on Amazon frog rescued from Joe Rogan's isolation tank.

No, he took a reliable drug under the best supervision that's been around half a century.

Now, what exactly did Chris Cuomo take, Kayleigh?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

KAYLEIGH, MCENANY, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: Cuomo mocked the President for this, and interestingly, I found this out just before coming here.
Hydroxychloroquine of course is an F.D.A. approved medication with a long proven track record for safety, and it turns out that Chris Cuomo took a less safe version of it called quinine, which the F.D.A. removed from the market in 2006 because of its serious side effects, including death.

So really interesting to have that criticism of the President.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Oh, she's good. But Cuomo, he's a hypocrisy machine. He says, don't break quarantine, then he does. Don't take risky meds, then he does.

He accuses people of not taking the virus seriously, and then he does this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CUOMO: Is it true that this was the swab that the nurse was actually using on you and that it first -- it went into your nose and disappeared so that in scale, this was the actual swab that was being used to fit up that double barrel shotgun that you have mounted on the front of your pretty face.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: He's like a birthday magician on drugs. Carrot top, I know you're watching. Someone broke into your prop closet. Call the cops.

You know, I don't mind mixing humor with news. But do the news first. And the news hasn't been good, at least for the elderly in rest homes who died by the thousands under Governor Cuomo.

And what did the press do? They lionized him in part because of these adorable CNN routines.

Imagine if I pulled out a giant swab. CNN would condemn my depraved indifference to death. It makes you wonder when you look at Chris or Don Lemon, what are they? News? Commentary? Prop comics?

At Fox, you know what we are. I do commentary. Bret Baier does news. Then we hot tub like craven beasts.

But CNN is a garbage salad. Dudes doing commentary is news. And so as the media gushed over Andy, they smeared Florida's governor who had enough.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GOV. RON DESANTIS (R-FL): Got a lot of people in your profession, who wax poetically for weeks and weeks about how Florida was going to be just like New York.

Wait two weeks, Florida is going to be next, just like Italy. Wait two weeks?

Well, hell, we're eight weeks away from that and it hasn't happened.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I think whatever Trump has is contagious. It's not corona, but cajones. Then, did you hear Trump did wear his mask briefly in Michigan.
Some people put it in perspective, except this loon.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

WOLF BLITZER, CNN ANCHOR: Is the President no longer welcome in Michigan.

DANNA NESSEL, MICHIGAN ATTORNEY GENERAL: Well, I will say, speaking on behalf of my Department and my office, that's right.

The President is like a petulant child who refuses to follow the rules. He is a ridiculous person and I am ashamed to have him be President of the United States of America. And I hope that the voters of Michigan will remember this back -- when November comes that he didn't care enough about their safety. He didn't care about their welfare.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Nice work, crazy lady. Now, do the guy who brutalized an elderly person in a Michigan nursing home, where was the care and safety in that?
Yes, she freaks out about the mask, but not that in her own state. Nice priorities, you joke.

It's also funny watching people like her and reporters go after Trump for not wearing a mask, as they aren't wearing a mask either. Apparently, their message is more important than the President's.

Meanwhile, leftwing writer, Katha Pollitt said this week she would vote for Biden, even if he ate babies. How does one respond? Clearly she's not a vegan, shame on her. But she can get away with saying that because it's not offensive to her peers.

Because she said, baby. She didn't say black baby, gay baby, trans baby.
That would have been too far.

But the generic baby, that's okay, especially since Planned Parenthood just got 80 million from the Paycheck Protection Plan, which was to aid small businesses during the pandemic.

How is America's largest abortion business small? I get it. Their victims are.

So, is the media truly concerned about Trump's health? No, it's just that the media loves knowing things you don't. It validates the superiority necessary for their insecure elite class.

It's why they faint at the thought of taking an anti-malarial pill, but eat shrooms by the pound. It's why they think nuclear power is evil, but crystal healing rules.

They need to be first and once something cool becomes popular, they hate it.

The media loves to boast about the hot Broadway play, you can't get tickets to. For a year they tried to out "Hamilton" each other. Oh, did you get tickets yet? Yes, they're so expensive. We got ours through a friend of a friend.

This special class loves the free stuff, the secret stuff, the stuff they can get illegally, and they'll never share it with you. But Trump is the opposite.

If he likes something, he'll tell you about it. It sounds like he's above you, and that's weird.

Now, the jury's out on this drug. It seems useless at the end stage, but maybe, maybe helpful in the early phase.

It's a line of defense that you assess with your doctor, not with idiots like me. You can't buy it at the GNC. It's prescribed again by a doctor, not a politician.

No wonder Nancy is tit.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

REP. NANCY PELOSI (D-CA): He is our President and I would rather he not be taking something that has not been approved by the scientists, especially in his age group and in his, shall we say, weight group. What it is -- morbidly obese, they say.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: That's a pretty good joke. Now do Jerry Nadler or Stacy Keach?
Just kidding. You can only fat shame some people. But she's got game and Joe Biden could learn from her.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TOM SHILLUE, IMPERSONATING JOE BIDEN: Nancy, I need new nicknames for the President. I like President Tweety because you know the bird, they're both orange.

KATHERINE TIMPF IMPERSONATING NANCY PELOSI: How about M -- morbidly obese?

SHILLUE: No, no, no, we need more hyphens in there.

TIMPF: Racist Philanderer.

SHILLUE: Still too short. I like my insults long like a Hannity monologue.

TIMPF: How about degenerate, unpresidential, obese, lying Russian racist, pony soldier.

SHILLUE: Yes. Pony soldier. That makes the hair on my leg stand up. You want to reach in and touch it. Come on. Real quick. I'll close my eyes.

TIMPF: I'm in San Francisco.

SHILLUE: Oh love, San Fran, and that Golden Steak Bridge. Oh, hold on. Got to go, that's Hunter.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: But Nana shouldn't be nailing Trump for managing his own health, unless she has got better info than his doc. And it's cute how are vain over classes go after a person take an illegal drug during a pandemic? What would happen if Trump said he loved Botox and Adderall? The entire press would have to quit both.

They'd get nothing done, but the crying. The good news, we believe life is getting good again. Cases are dramatically declining. And a new Gallup poll shows people are happier more than a month ago.

They sense good things, and it ain't a wrinkle cream. This perspective diverges from the misery media who see grim horizons beyond their stretched faces.

We know we've done great, but we're done hiding and we're done leaving it to the media and their lies. It's time to get up, go outside and get to work.

We can do this. We already have. It's pretty simple. Wash your hands a lot.
Put on a mask a lot. Don't hug strangers. Protect the elderly and get to work.

Unless you're the media, maybe you should sit this one out. You've done enough damage.

Have you thought about a broccoli enema? I know someone who knows someone who could squeeze you in.

ANNOUNCER: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. If tats were bats, he could have his own wet market, author of the new book, "American Crusade," "Fox and Friends" Weekend co-host, Pete Hegseth.

If jokes were yolks, he'd make some delicious omelets. Writer and comedian Michael Loftus.

She's got more takes than a bad actress. Host of "Sincerely, Kat" on Fox Nation. Kat Timpf. It "Sincerely Kat."

And he's a really big thinker. My massive sidekick and host of "Nuff Said"
on Fox nation, Tyrus. Yay.

All right. Pete, why do you think the media is so upset about Trump's honesty on this stuff? They always feel like -- go ahead.

PETE HEGSETH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: That is the most insane opening montage of clips and statements -- I mean, listen, you've done a lot of these and you've done a lot of great ones, but that one takes the cake.

They can't -- you're right about that. His transparency shows that he is comfortable in his own skin. Whereas as you laid out, the elites love the privilege of the things that no one else can access across the board.

GUTFELD: Right.

HEGSETH: Only thing that made sense in that entire clip that made sense was Ron deSantis who is trying to grab reporters and be like, listen, guys, in my state, we did it right. I know you're showing Cuomo all the time, and he's killed a lot of people in his nursing homes, and for some reason, you're obsessed with him.

But down here, we did it right and you can cover it just one time and they can't do it, and he has to give a statement like that in order to wake him up.

We're living in maybe the end times. I don't know, bizarro times, whatever it is. It's insane.

GUTFELD: All I know is, Pete, I don't think you have enough flags in your background. So we're going to have to move on. It's embarrassing.

TIMPF: Do you love this country?

GUTFELD: Yes, I don't think he loves this country enough. You know, Michael I love the fact that you're beginning to look like Michael Douglas in -- what was that movie?

MICHAEL LOFTUS, COMEDIAN: "Falling Down."

GUTFELD: Falling down. Yes, this pandemic. I have a theory that you started cutting your hair, and you kept making mistakes. So, you had to keep getting lower and lower.

LOFTUS: That's kind of what happened. I bought clippers. I'm like, I'm going for it. But now I'm in Dallas and I'm doing shows and I found I found a barber shop. This was actually done by a professional.

GUTFELD: Oh, wow. That's nice.

LOFTUS: I spent money for this.

GUTFELD: That's nice. What do you think of the Cuomo brothers as a comedy routine?

LOFTUS: They're hilarious. I don't mind a prop comic at all. I enjoyed the giant swab. I wish they would have done some green screen work.

I still can't get over that shot of Anderson Cooper. When did he turn in to Malfoy from "Harry Potter?" I swear he looks -- he is going to go up to Trump and be like "Expelliarmus."

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOFTUS: And who cares that Trump is taking hydroxychloroquine. That stuff has been on the market for a million years.

They make it sound like it's like this voodoo drug like, if you take it for lupus or malaria, you're fine. But if you don't have those, it goes straight to your heart and you explode.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOFTUS: And it's the same thing with coronavirus, the rona, it knows if you're at the grocery store. It knows if you're at the voting booth, but it won't find you in your bedroom. It's hilarious.

It's -- we're at voodoo levels of hypocrisy.

GUTFELD: Yes. You know, Kat, I love the Stevie Nicks look from the Rumours era. It's quite becoming.

TIMPF: Thank you.

GUTFELD: Yes. What do you think of that Pelosi fat shaming?

TIMPF: Look, you can't really say oh, you're being too mean to Trump because Trump insults everybody. But to me, it wasn't even about the fat shaming, it was about the general her saying she must know better than Trump's doctor or that what she has to say about it matters at all.

I do not understand why there's so many politicians and journalists arguing back and forth about what drugs someone is or not taking for their health.

In my America, that would be your own decision. Whatever drug you want to take your health or whatever drug you even want to take, you know, to alter your perception of the universe recreationally would be fine with me, too.

I remember the Russia investigation, right? Everybody was a lawyer. They were all like, you know what, I heard that quid pro quo thing when I watched "Silence of the Lambs," so I totally can be arrogant with my take on this.

Now, we've got a bunch of communications majors, all doctors, all right? I don't understand why people are so arrogant and weighing in on this thing.

No, I know better. How? You're not a doctor. And also it's not your body and you brought up the frog licking. I kind of feel like if Trump were licking acid off the frogs, if it didn't interfere with his ability to do his job, I'd say kind of not my business.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's true and it can't be fun. You know, Tyrus, I am not a doctor. But I do tell people I am, sometimes.

GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Okay, I'm maybe -- my professional opinion is don't do that.

GUTFELD: Okay.

MURDOCH: But I'm sure we could find you a certificate from the University of Phoenix to get you give that doctor or we can find a Division 4 school for you to go speak at you don't get kicked out off and you could possibly get a Honorary Doctorate so we could maybe someone on Twitter land, get him an Honorary Doctorate because that's my question.

And I'd just like to say, wow, Kat watched another movie. She watched "Silence of the Lambs."

TIMPF: Yes, I did.

MURDOCH: That's breaking news, because to this point, she's only watch "Happy Gilmore." So, hats off to you, Kat.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: Boy, what a great segment for me.

GUTFELD: All right, we're going to move on. Up next. What is Joe Biden trying to say this week? We don't know.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Good old Uncle Joe bring us a new hit show. Now that "Jeopardy"
and "Wheel of Fortune" have been forced to air reruns, we are inventing a new game show you can play along at home.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANNOUNCER: What's Joe Biden trying to say?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes. Welcome to what that guy just said. I'm your host, Bob Eubanks. The rules are simple. I play a clip and our contestants guess what Joe's trying to say. Here's your first one.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN (D), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: And we're going to create a new bio based manufacturing -- multi manufacturing job, environment to deal farmers in on the benefits of a changing economy.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Well, that's tough. One more time, please.

BIDEN: And we're going to create a new bio based manufacturing -- multi manufacturing job, environment to deal farmers in on the benefits of a changing economy.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: All right, Kat, what was Biden trying to say?

TIMPF: Yes, I watched that like five times and I absolutely have no idea. I have no idea.

And the way that he's having to do things right now, is not that hard, right? He basically doesn't have to go anywhere, right? Like he doesn't have to like hop, make sure he gets on the flight and go talk to voters.
Okay.

I just wish that I were, you know, old enough to run for President right now. But I'll remind you again, I'm very young, I know you're going to make a joke, whatever. I'm 40 blah, blah, blah.

I'll have you know, my eggs may be scrambling, but I still have like, a good 10 to 12 years like, theoretically could get pregnant if you include the ones where I could have it, you know, like, medically done.

But it's not -- it shouldn't be that hard if you don't have to leave your house.

GUTFELD: No.

TIMPF: You have to just appear coherent and presentable from the waist up, like 10 seconds a week. And you've got a whole team, you've got millions of dollars' worth of resources, I don't think I've ever even been so drunk where I couldn't do it.

GUTFELD: And he has, you know, I would say that he's got the internet at his fingertips, but he doesn't know what the internet is or his fingertips.
Tyrus, what do you think he meant? And also, I don't know, have you been following on what he recently said?

MURDOCH: Yes, Greg, and you wouldn't be white if you didn't ask me that question. I'm going to be real with you, man, that was the realist thing Biden has said this entire campaign.

Sleepy Joe, woke up for a minute. Now that was the last we'll ever see of him awake. He will not be allowed to do that.

Going forward, all his speeches will be a picture of him, some soft music and somebody reading his statement. He will not be allowed to talk amongst himself anymore. The basement locks are on the outside now.

I have an issue with what he said. I'm just saying is that is there, it's a wrap because Joe is supposed to do what they tell him to do. And he, he did an interview that they probably didn't want him to do, and he kept it real.
He got passionate and he said what was on his mind, and hey, I'm cool with it.

But that was cool. And the rest of it, that's it. He's not talking no more.
Back to the basement. Lights out.

GUTFELD: He lost the privileges. Pete, what did you think he was trying to say in that earlier clip?

HEGSETH: You know what, hey, guys. Bio based multi-facturing. That seems pretty legit. I mean, I don't know that we know what it is.

But it could be something pretty awesome like a sustainable multi-factoring thing. It could involve robots. I don't know.

At the at the end of his day, he definitely goes into the basement and listens to the record player with his sweater on and has it old fashion.
And listen, I know this, that if I've got a hit that I really want to do well, I should have done that for this show. Because I'm clearly underperforming.

I write my notes down and I tape them right under the camera, guys, right here and then I know exactly what I'm going to say and you don't know that I'm reading my notes. The fact that he hasn't figured that out. This is sad.

GUTFELD: That's pretty good.

TIMPF: He is probably being intensively, intensively coached. That's the craziest part.

MURDOCH: He is not allowed to have writing utensils. He is the basement.

GUTFELD: Michael, what did you make of his comment?

LOFTUS: Well, I think what he wants to do is come up with multiple ways to turn farm implements into energy. I think that was apparent to anyone.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOFTUS: This is terrifying. Like if Joe Biden -- if this was a boxing match, you'd be like, turn it off. You'd have the rep step in. It's horrible. This is him functioning. This is his A game.

He can't run a Skype meeting on his best day. What happens at 3:00 a.m.
when he is startled? I can't even imagine.

GUTFELD: Yes. All right. Well, the only way to solve this is if we ask Joe Biden himself. Joe, what were you trying to say?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SHILLUE IMPERSONATING JOE BIDEN: What I was saying is, it's 2016, it's time we get this thing done. Put the Cowboys and Aliens together. All the farmers will come up aces. Bio based tyrannosaurus rex for the rocket ship.
It's an economic road trip for you.

Come on man, bottom line, manufacturing, saxophone, pillowcase, cactus shaving cream. That's to God's honest truth. Text Joe to Biden 2016 for https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=http-3A__president.velociraptor.chicken.com&d=DwICAg&c=cnx1hdOQtepEQkpermZGwQ&r=sFAZs1s6OsYn8_1zLEwORPZR5plqG0bJtDiwqh5im-0&m=hVEJbuTRJOguQDOIzEgQuXwcafF8D6YeteB4pM4O-qg&s=XUiAeUvu_unTMvu9QKdbhxvp1Aj3wjndaN1BpwFnFRk&e= .

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Well now, we know, and we've got to hand it to the Democrats. Only they would have the stones to read a candidate chain to a radiator in a basement who talks like he's a 10-year-old recapping the plot to his favorite movie.

It just shows, you can do anything you set your mind to when you have the media in your back pocket.

ANNOUNCER: Period.

GUTFELD: All right. Before we take a break, a public service, we're calling Greg's lost pets.

So, I got an e-mail from Val who writes, "Lost very friendly cat. Please announce to your viewers Cat, [name is Gallagher] was being transported from Florida to NYC. Jumped out of a vehicle at St. George, South Carolina.
Forward when found. All white with grey butterfly shape, and gray tail.
Very friendly." Thanks, Val.

Next time, give us a picture.

All right. This has been Greg's Lost Pets.

Up next, government overreach is no day at the beach.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ASHLEY STROHMIER, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Ashley Strohmier.

The White House is sending nearly $5 billion to nursing homes ravaged by the coronavirus. The money will be used for testing, purchasing protective equipment for workers and other virus related expenses.

Advocacy groups for nursing home say about $10 billion is actually needed.
"The New York Times" estimates that at least 28,000 nursing home residents and workers have died from COVID-19. That's about one third of all coronavirus deaths in America.

And one business in Brazil is thriving during the pandemic and that's grave diggers. The country is struggling to keep up with the amount of bodies.
This, as the Brazilian President calls the coronavirus a, quote, "little flu."

The South American country has yet to even hit the peak of the virus, yet adding about 20,000 cases each day. It lags behind only the U.S. in severity, but with a far less stable healthcare system.

I'm Ashley Strohmier, Now back to THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW.

GUTFELD: These crazy times lead to not real crimes. Take the gym owners in New Jersey who defied the state's mandate and reopened on Monday, socially distancing the equipment and all.

At first, the police gave them some warnings and a fine, then later in the week, a member was arrested inside the gym for defying state's orders.

And by Thursday, they state had the gym closed down by the Board of Health.
What say you gym owners?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: All of these messages on the wall from the Health Department were put on without them ever stepping inside and taking a look at the facility.

So, we've been shut down by the Health Department without them even coming inside. So, that tells us that we're doing the right thing because it's a scare tactic and we have our lawyers on it.

They've been on it since 6:00 a.m. this morning, and our plan is to handle it and reopen tomorrow.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: And they did reopen it Friday. Elsewhere, New York Mayor and year- round Halloween costume, Bill de Blasio announced that New York City beaches wouldn't be opening Memorial Day weekend, meaning you can walk on the beach, but new swimming and if you tried to swim, the strong arm of the law was waiting for you.

Behold the Stalin of sand.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MAYOR BILL DE BLASIO (D), NEW YORK CITY: The NYPD will be out, Parks Department will be out. Obviously, first and foremost, to help make everyone remember, don't go in the water. You're not supposed to go in the water.

It's a dangerous situation to ever go in the water when there's not lifeguards present.

So, there'll be a constant reminder of that. Anyone who tries to get in the water, they'll be taken right out of the water.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: No lifeguards. It makes me want to install an above ground pool right above him. And in Michigan, barbers gave free haircuts outside the State Capitol to protest the state's strict stay-at-home orders.

Some more masks and kept six feet apart. Some didn't. Police handed out citations for disorderly conduct to those who weren't obeying the rules, for giving someone else a haircut, which under normal circumstances is perfectly legal, and is becoming essential because we're all starting to look like this.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: I kind of like that hairstyle. Good on that kid. All right, I guess I should go to you, Loftus, since you're having hair problems. What do you make of the -- I feel like a lot of these businesses are different, so the decisions are going to be different.

LOFTUS: Like I think it's all different. It has to be on a case by case basis. I just -- who knew that the hair salon people were the brave ones?
Who knew that is who is going to lead us out of this darkness?

GUTFELD: True.

LOFTUS: When everybody else is like, I'm staying inside. I'm scared. It was that like that hair salon lady in Texas who was like, I don't care. I'm not listening, clip, clip, clippety, clip, clip. Freedom. That's who I want with me in a foxhole.

If it really goes down. If we're invaded. I'm going to hang out with a hairdresser. I'm going to fight for my freedom and I'm going to look fantastic.

GUTFELD: It's like the businesses in the strip malls with the clever hair names like American Hair Lines. You know? I don't know. That's the only one I can come up with.

LOFTUS: That's how they should break us. They should break us into divisions by strip malls. You know, you've got the nail salon lady, the hair salon. The kung fu guy.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's all there is.

LOFTUS: And then all the ice cream.

GUTFELD: Tyrus, are the politicians treating citizens like children, or do they have a good point?

LOFTUS: No, they're definitely treating citizens like children. It is a case by case and I think you need to treat gyms just like if you're smoking cigarettes, you know what the ramifications could be. If you were to smoke, you could get something.

If you go work out in the gym, there's a chance you might come in contact with the coronavirus, but if you take precautions and you're willing to walk in the door of that facility, then that means you understand what's going on.

I think that's what needs to be happening with a lot of these things because you talk about hairstylist and nail salons. They are the ones that have most of the cleaning products.

They work very hard to keep their stores clean. Gyms have towels. Everyone wipes down the stuff.

If I go to get my nails done, or I go to get my hair done, or I'm going to go get my weight lift on. I know the risks, and I'm choosing to take that, and it's just like swimming in the ocean. There's sharks in the water, things could happen, but I'm willing to take the risk. And I think they should be allowed to do that.

GUTFELD: Yes. Kat, the thing that bugs me are regulatory laws that force cops to enforce things they don't want to enforce, for example, like it's against the law to sell loose cigarettes that led to Eric Garner getting choked out by a cop who didn't really want to wrestle him for a cigarette.

And so I fear that when we start cuffing people for doing regular things, it's going to lead to chaos and violence and destruction.

You can't cuff people for going to a gym, but cops don't want to do that, but then they end up having to.

TIMPF: Yes, absolutely. And I just don't like this narrative surrounding it that if you're one of these people who are out there or saying, hey, I'd like to open the salons. You're a selfish jerk.

Like, everyone's going to die and you only care about your hair. Blah, blah, blah. It's like, no, no, no. It's like when people say just stay home, right? That is so offensive, because what they're really saying is, hey, you know, just completely give up. Destroy your business that you've worked so hard and sacrificed for.

Hey, you know, just completely get -- you know, get away from that need that we have as humans for some interaction with each other at times, right? Because there are people who are losing everything.

There are people who are unemployed. There are people who are in complete isolation and haven't seen anyone at all for going on three months now.

GUTFELD: It's crazy.

TIMPF: Then there is this narrative of, oh, we're going to arrest these people and they're so bad for going out and trying to do their job. It's not just about oh, I want to get my hair done. I want to get my nails my nails done. I do.

But it's also, I have friends with small businesses that they've sacrificed so much and work really hard. They don't know if they're ever going to be able to reopen again under this, so quit saying, oh, just stay home like that is so offensive. You don't know what you're really saying when you say that.

GUTFELD: Yes, you know, Pete, the people saying just stay home are people in our business because we're getting paid. There's a whole --

HEGSETH: Yes.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: We're getting paid for this.

HEGSETH: Yes, I can be at home in make up in my office doing THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW and everything is fine for me. Right?

But the reality is, I spent time with Ian Smith, the guy who runs Atilis Gym in New Jersey. I was live on the scene with them. These are some of the most hardworking, decent, respectful, responsible people you have ever met.

And Governor Murphy, like any other governor is using all the powers at his disposal. You know, breaking news, I don't do a lot of breaking news on the show. Murphy just filed an order to shut down the gym on a health violation.

They've never been inside the gym, Greg. And the larger point is, which was what Tyrus just said. If you don't want to go, you don't have to go lift weights.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.

TIMPF: Don't go.

HEGSETH: You don't have to -- it's the massive caveat over the entire thing. So, I'm for -- Viva La Revolt of the hairdressers and the gym owners and the restaurant owners. They are charting the course because they've got skin in the game and it's a beautiful thing to watch them.

GUTFELD: And you know who else has skin in the game? Nude beaches? They're in this fight, too.

All right, up next, the race to cover your face.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Are you up to the task of life in a mask. People are adapting to the new reality of mask wearing, so no surprise the mask has become a place for innovation.

One Israeli inventor designed a version with a remote controlled mouth, allowing you to eat without taking it out. Take a look.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: I watched that for hours. I don't know. I mean, how different is that than what I wear on the weekends already?

Okay. Meanwhile, a designer in New Orleans created a mask with a straw flap, but these never take it off designs pose this question. Will masks ever go away? Will their appeal be seasonal like the Trans Siberian Orchestra? Or are they here to stay like the Trans Siberian Orchestra?

And how do you flirt when half your face is covered? Will teenage boys tell their friends about the first time they had hooked a girl's mask with one hand? And how will my cats react when they finally see my face?

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: That was just cruel. Tyrus, that edible opening mask thing or whatever, that just scares the crap out of me. How about you?

MURDOCH: What scared me more than that was watching that poor man try to eat, wow, no one could jump in and get him a spoon? That was rough. That was brutal.

You know, I don't have that problem, whenever I put a mask on, people get out of my way, but really, when I put this on and go to a restaurant, everybody clears out. Everybody clears out. So, I never have to worry about more than six feet.

You know, social distancing when I eat, but, honestly, the invention was great and I appreciate the idea. But if you just go like that, you can eat.
Like it's -- are we taking crazy pills here? Is this for a rat?

GUTFELD: I think so. I don't know. You know, Kat. We're going to -- oh no, I can't ask Kat this question because she's too young. So, I'll go to Michael -- no, I am going to ask Michael.

TIMPF: I am young. That's why I don't ever want to wear this mask yet.

GUTFELD: All right.

TIMPF: You know. I've still got like a couple more years of being hot without needing surgery. So, wait in the future, I can save money only doing the Botox and the fillers on half my face then I love it, but not yet. Too young.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's true. Why waste these precious years?

TIMPF: Supple young face.

GUTFELD: Yes, your young face. You know, Michael, I think we're going to have to be --

LOFTUS: Rock on, Gold Dust Woman.

GUTFELD: Yes. Michael, I have a great question for you. We're going to have to redo the bases. Right? Remember first base was kissing. Now, first base is going to be removing the mask, which means we might have to scrap baseball and go to football where you have four downs and a touchdown. Or maybe we would do bowling where there's 10 strikes. Or I don't know, pat --

LOFTUS: I like it. I like football. I like football that way like first down, you get the mask off, second down. Like what -- I went for extra points. You went for extra points on the first day? Oh, I call it an audible. She was into it.

GUTFELD: It's amazing. It is destroying my world in a tailspin, Pete. Do you think masks are here to stay?

LOFTUS: Go for two.

GUTFELD: Go for two.

HEGSETH: Unfortunately, I took the depressing step of taking an extra mask and putting it in the center console of my car today, and that was a depressing moment, feeling like I'm going to need this going forward when I don't expect it.

And that robot mask is depressing. Do you know the amount of people I see at the grocery store that wear it like this? You know, right about here?

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: You know, or then they've got to do something. So then it's up here. I mean, they can't use it right way, anyway, you know. The adaptations are unnecessary.

I hope the mask is gone soon. We don't want to live in a mask world. Plenty of people don't want to do that already.

GUTFELD: Well, we just may, just to get on with life. All right, my favorite story is up next. Stick around.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Well, more people want to touch your body if you test positive for antibodies. Dating experts claim singles are posting on their dating profiles that they have coronavirus antibodies, figuring it will make people feel safer to meet up with them. Yes, I have gonorrhea and syphilis, but no corona.

So, we're not sure if antibodies mean virus immunity. Perhaps, that's why some prefer to go back to their exes.

"Vice" interviewed a few people who admitted reaching out to their ex during isolation because loneliness makes you do weird things. Quarantine may make you remember your ex like this, when in reality, he is more like this.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: What's wrong? I prefer that. All right, oh, God help me. You know, Kat, do you really think saying you have coronavirus is going to stop anyone from dating a person who is hot like if Halle Berry just asked me out, and then she says, oh, I have corona. Do you think I'm actually going to say no?

TIMPF: Especially not now. I think this is all the same sort of thing.
People are getting desperate and you start to think that you really miss things more than you do, like lately, I found myself missing going to brunch because I have it in my head that like, I'm sitting there and I have a sun dress on and I'm sipping champagne. It's delightful. That's not what happens. Okay.

I'm sitting there in my sweatpants. I wish I were dead. I'm miserable. I'm eating overpriced eggs benedict and I'm like chugging those, you know, bottomless mimosa mimosas to try to numb the pain. I have like 19 of them.
I'm still sober because they're so watered down.

On the way out, you know, a bunch of drunk NYU kids and I'm like, why are you so drunk? I know it's not from the mimosa, did you take Molly before you got here? Like it's God's day. It's Sunday. I want to go home.

But no, because you know what people say? Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I think that what they really mean is absence makes you dumb. It allows you to delude yourself.

When you are lonely, when you are getting desperate, when you have been spending so much time alone, you're going to start thinking you want things that you don't want.

GUTFELD: I tell you, Absynth makes my heart grow fonder, Pete, Absynth. I don't know why I said that.

HEGSETH: I don't know either. I was going to see the balance of my time back to Kat, but I will just say, it's like being on deployment. You know, anybody that served in the military, you're overseas and the stories get bigger and bigger, right? Everything is more amazing back home.

And everything is amplified and hyper scrutinized. But then your standards, they drop quickly over time and then pretty soon, everything back home is just amazing and then you get home and you realize it's just like it was when you left except probably a little worse.

GUTFELD: It's that movie where the guy comes home and doesn't like it and -
- "Hurt Locker." Maybe that's what it was.

HEGSETH: Yes.

GUTFELD: Or was it "Benjie 2"? I don't know, Tyrus, I'm confused by the movies that I see.

MURDOCH: I'm glad you said confused Dr. Greg, because of course, you have told Halle Berry, no, because you're a happily married man.

GUTFELD: True.

MURDOCH: I think I can speak for Pete and myself that there is absolutely no reason to ever look in the rearview mirror when our future is so bright, and we are so happy where we are now in life with our wives that we are all smiles. I ain't got time to look back. I've never looked back.

HEGSETH: Amen. Amen.

MURDOCH: I'm living in the now. So, Halle Berry, you have to get to NATO, the G Train Lift Station, and if it is occupied, lovely.

GUTFELD: You know, Tyrus, I've been saying it to her for the last five years, but she keeps texting me. It's either Halle Berry --

MURDOCH: But you keep saying it. You keep saying it, Doctor.

GUTFELD: It was Fred Berry from what's happening.

MURDOCH: Okay, I'm done.

GUTFELD: He's dead. I love Fred Berry.

MURDOCH: I'm out.

GUTFELD: Last word to Michael.

LOFTUS: I'll tell you, if you're single, go big or go home. Don't say you have the antibody. Say you've got the cure. I'm like, if you have sex with me, you will be cured. That's what I would be selling.
Right? And just a big shout --

TIMPF: When I was 23, I would be like, oh, yes, I can't believe.

GUTFELD: Oh my god. That's what it's all he does.

LOFTUS: A big shout to all the people with the hand washing fetish, someone out there gets off on washing -- on watching people wash their hands. This is your moment. This is your time to shine for all of you people with hand washing fetishes. Enjoy yourselves.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's true. What if you are somewhat attracted to people in medical gear? Not saying that I am. But I do love a good mask and gloves.

Anyway, I'm going to shut up now. Don't forget about my upcoming book. Oh, you're going to love this. It's called "The Plus." It's a self-help for people who hate self-help. Basically it is how to do positive things if you aren't a positive person like me. In stores July 28th, but you can pre order your copy now.

It's available at ggutfeld.com and all major book retailers. Final thoughts, next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Thanks to Pete Hegseth, Michael Loftus, Kat Timpf, and Tyrus. We are out of time. I'm Greg Gutfeld, and we love you, America.

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