'Gutfeld!' on tanking poll numbers from the Biden presidency

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Gutfeld: Joe has no time to think as ratings shrink

'Gutfeld!' panel reacts to a new poll saying just 11% of Americans think President Biden is a 'very strong' leader.

This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," January 7, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Why are you pointing at things? Oh geez. I can't wait for this show to be over. For everybody. It's driving me crazy. Shut up. Happy Friday. You Friday freaks. It's day five of our no audience shows. I'm starting to understand how Chris Hayes feels. The Dork. That kid? No, no, I doubt. So it appears that Joe's got no time to think as his ratings continue to shrink.

A new poll shows a measly 11 percent of adults believe Biden is a very strong leader. The same 11 percent also think Tiger Woods is a scary place for a picnic. That's like a Rob O'Neill joke. Meantime, 57 percent of respondents, that's a majority, Kat, call him a weak leader. But if the President were standing here today, would he say he's never given any free time? Or any time to think?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JEN PSAKI, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: If he were standing here today, which I know he's always invited is what you guys will say but he would say we never give him any free time or any time to think.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Hmm, so that's why it's pull it up Afghanistan seems so thoughtless. Really no time to think despite all those trips back to Delaware? I mean, what else is there to do on Amtrak marvel at how slow it is or how much it costs? What is he doing? Boring aides with a story of how he stood up to corn pop or reading Charlotte's Web for the 85th time? Or is the conductor letting him steer the choo choo?

I mean, there's only so much sniffing of children's hair and eating ice cream you can do? Or is it sniffing ice cream and eating children's hair? Or is it eating ice cream with children's hair in it? Either way, Kilmeade tells me it tastes just like chicken with hair in it. Children's hair.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: But you're taking that out.

GUTFELD: I left it in. Come on. What kind of leader is he really? You can probably find that answer in a tweet that he posted yesterday to commemorate the only thing he has going for him, the January 6 riot or as I like to call it Ashli Babbitt day. Yes, Joe, put that in your ensure and drink it you, mummy. Here's his tweet in full. I've said it many times, and it is no more true or real then when we think about the events of January 6, we are in a battle for the soul of America.

A battle that by the grace of God, and by the goodness and greatness of this nation, we will win. So to quote Gandhi, what it the (BLEEP) is that about? Seriously, this is kind of a big deal, because the President of the United States just said we are in a battle for the soul of America. And that implies a good side and a bad side, right? With two teams. Which means if you're watching this show, and you like this show, you're probably on the bad team.

So he's not including you in the we. So who is we? Him and Jill? Him and Kamala? Him and his imaginary friend Walter? The talking celery stick? Is it Liz Cheney? If she were any more of a phony Democrat, she'd get an extra vote in 2020. But the thing is, it can't be all Americans, right? Because then his premise for that speech would make any sense. And the special day of commemoration wouldn't be necessary because we'd all be unified and he'd be a beloved president.

It would all be dancing naked in a meadow like Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy on ketamine at the Lilith fair. Those were the days.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What?

GUTFELD: So let's ask Mr. No time to think himself. Mr. President, you want to clarify your comments on unity?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Look, look, look. I was really, really angry yesterday, but I sent what I met, right? I sent what I -- I meant what I said. it was about the soul of this country. All right? And I'm telling you, you better get on board, on board the -- on board the soul train. That's right, Dane, Dane, Dane, Dane, Dane gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Nice. Really is amazing. So if it's us versus them, who's them? It's us. Not the Germans or the Japanese. Then again, who knows what year a century it is. And that scrambled egg he calls a mind. But he's made this claim on a fabricated commemoration targeting his political adversaries. And Democrats were saying it's worse than Pearl Harbor and 9/11. Yes, that might be the worst comparison since the NFL is like slavery.

But Joe's defined himself against something that doesn't even exist. A white substance This movement of violent insurrection. None of that is real. Of course he also tried to compare himself against Trump but Trump's not even President, he's not even running against Joe. So again, Joe's defining himself against a mirage. And why is that? Because his leadership is a mirage, a disaster on four legs, you can't get worse than Joe and Kam.

So they need to distract by demonizing you. And this from the administration that brought you parents complaining about schools are terrorists. But in that tweet, and in that speech yesterday, he wasn't talking to us. He was talking about us, and that's pretty gross. Maybe I'm nuts, but to Joe just kind of declare a civil war on a sizable portion of America, because I can't believe he thinks we're at war with just one guy like Trump or a freakin a viking hat.

He just picked one-half of the country gets the other like he was picking sides for a dodgeball game. By the way, you might not even believe this crap. Because like his bladder, it's not him who's in control. But there are people in his White House who believe were evil, you and me, because he didn't vote for them. Maybe you voted for the other guy, who knows? And now Joe uses January 6 to declare a war over the soul of a country.

So back to that question, is Joe a strong leader? Well, hard times are supposed to bring out the best in men? But what if the best in one man is long gone? And all you have is a hollowed out husk open for exploitation from any woek operative. But I guess when you collapse Afghanistan, spike inflation and crime and can't control corona, all that's left is creating a fake emergency. It seems like that's what we have right now.

And when I say we, I mean we the people as an all Americans, and we all know that there's no battle for the soul of this country. But the fact that the President says it, so should scare the crap out of all of us.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. Audience goes mad. His books are like Christmas trees headed to the landfill. "FOX AND FRIENDS" co-host and author of the great new book, the President and the Freedom Fighter, Brian Kilmeade.

BRIAN KILMEADE, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Thank you.

GUTFELD: You don't have to applaud.

KILMEADE: Yes, they do.

GUTFELD: No. He wants to rock and roll all night and party on days approved by his parole officer. Stand up comedian and star of Bite The Bullet on YouTube, Jim Florentine. You can tell she grew up near Portland, because she's a riot. Pretty and pink, host of "KENNEDY" on Fox Business, my favorite, Kennedy. Except for Douglas. She's like your New Year's resolution. Already broken. Fox News Contributor Kat Timpf.

So Brian, in that poll that said 11 percent says Biden's a very strong leader. 11 percent think you're a decent human being. But 89 percent think and this is a quote, "you should die in a fiery collision between a train and a semi." I found that very specific. Very specific. And that was a write in. Everybody wrote in the same thing. They want to see you die in a fiery crash between two different modes of transportation.

KILMEADE: Do you mind if I talk to the others for a second?

GUTFELD: Yes.

KILMEADE: I was given topics to prepare for. And they made up a poll. I'm just going to go to the back.

GUTFELD: Yes. No, no, no. Good to see you.

KILMEADE: It's good to see you. See, what blows me away is that he has an opportunity. I've -- for a guy that has bad leadership grades, he's always alone.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KILMEADE: You ever noticed him? Donald Trump used to come out with scientists.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KILMEADE: Secretaries of State and National Security Adviser. Joe was always alone. So it's like, not only is he they're putting him out there to be a leader, but people don't accept him as a leader. And he's absent when it comes to new ideas. So, I find this amazing because he did get truthfully 89 million people.

GUTFELD: Oh. I like how you're sneaking truthfully. You disgust me.

KILMEADE: Too high. Where did that come from? You want to show extreme emotion. I understand because that's what fuels your showing your success and I'm fine. A little bit later, I'm going to make up a poll too and you're gonna come out very poorly. All right?

GUTFELD: I've been waiting for you to make up a poll forever.

KILMEADE: Right. I'm pretty sure that was a striptease joke. Right?

GUTFELD: You have to make money somehow.

KILMEADE: Right. I'm just about out of stuff to say because you really didn't ask me a question.

GUTFELD: I know.

KILMEADE: But I think one of the most important things my takeaway here is he's off to a bad start.

GUTFELD: He's off to a very bad start. Thank you for getting that. That's why "FOX AND FRIENDS" is four hours.

KILMEADE: Three. That's too hot --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Oh my god. The cooking segments just Kilmeade. Right, Kennedy? You look great.

LISA KENNEDY MONTGOMERY, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Greg, thank you so much.

GUTFELD: Delicious.

MONTGOMERY: And I love your shoes.

(CROSSTALK)

KILMEADE: -- you look great.

GUTFELD: Because she -- she's in pink. She's a much -- she's a marvel in pink.

MONTGOMERY: Oh.

GUTFELD: What do you think Biden's doing if he's not thinking?

MONTGOMERY: I think -- OK. So, you know, as I was listening to your monologue, and I was thinking about and what you just said, one of you said it. That Trump used to come out with, you know, All these different people and experts.

GUTFELD: I just said that, yes.

MONTGOMERY: Yes. Deborah Burks and Anthony Fauci and you knew he was working because he was spitballing while they were at a press conference.

GUTFELD: Right.

MONTGOMERY: Normally people do that kind of stuff, like during the meeting, and then you come out and you get the little memo on your own the same page. I miss that.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: Like I actually miss you.

GUTFELD: Real.

MONTGOMERY: Well, OK. So Clorox is good for cleaning stuff up, but can you drink it? And they're like -- and -- but you know like --

(CROSSTALK)

MONTGOMERY: At least he was kind of working and curious. You never see the operational side of Joe Biden's White House and I wish you would see --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: No. You know, you stumbled into an interesting point, Kennedy.

KILMEADE: Stumbled?

GUTFELD: You misinterpreted what Trump said because he's always spitballing.

MONTGOMERY: Yes.

GUTFELD: He actually was talking about disinfecting light. Not Clorox.

KILMEADE: Yes, yes.

GUTFELD: But a lot of people took it as that because he would do this in public.

MONTGOMERY: Yes.

GUTFELD: Right?

MONTGOMERY: But you knew he -- but -- and also -- and he also sparred with the press in real time.

GUTFELD: Yes. It was --

MONTGOMERY: He didn't have people -- like I really would have so much respect for Joe Biden, if he came out and and just took the gloves off and said to the press, didn't call names, just come at me for 90 minutes.

GUTFELD: But what if he took the gloves off and they were skeletor hands?

MONTGOMERY: Just little mangled hand.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: Little tree roots.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: -- keeper. And he says, ah, and then he flew away on a magical Satan slay with Ainsley Earhardt. Jim, how you doing?

JIM FLORENTINE, STAND-UP COMEDIAN AND ACTOR: I'm doing good. Thank you.

GUTFELD: Still chopping down trees?

FLORENTINE: Oh, yes. You're like my -- it's my coal flannel I got for Christmas. I wanted to show it off on T.V.

GUTFELD: Yes. You got coals dollars.

FLORENTINE: Like, yes. I got free coals dollars.

GUTFELD: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: -- after the dressing room incident. But anyway, what is -- what - - you -- I've not spoken to you and so long, what is your take on the Biden administration right now?

FLORENTINE: Well, just that 11 percent think he's a strong leader. That means 89 percent think he's the wrong leader which is scary.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FLORENTINE: You know. I don't know. 11 percent.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FLORENTINE: That's not -- that's -- now that seems kind of high though.

GUTFELD: Really?

FLORENTINE: Is that including -- is that including all the people from the 1800s that voted for him? I don't know if they threw them in there, too. But, look, he doesn't have time to think I know he's got a lot going on. You know, he doesn't -- that's not his job that thing, Joe.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FLORENTINE: It's the Democrats job to think for him. So, you know, look, if he wants a job, he doesn't have to think. I hear it as an opening of The View.

GUTFELD: Yes. There you go there. Yes. The View. We forgot to insult The View in the monologue.

KILMEADE: What's going on with --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I don't know, I let myself go. You know, Kat. Do you have enough time to think when you're here at Fox News?

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Yes, the thing is I'm always thinking about thing -- like -- well , I'm thinking -- like what I'm thinking right now, for example, nobody wants to know, but like, it's -- you always are thinking, right? Or maybe he has one of those calm brains that aren't always thinking. But I would love that. But also, I would love to have a president who doesn't think at all if they meant that they also didn't do anything.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Right? Because he -- not thinking just sitting there. I can do me. I can leave me alone. I would love that. But it doesn't -- it's not his job to think really because other people are the ones making all the decisions all the time where he talks about --

GUTFELD: Do you -- do you you really want him to think?

TIMPF: No.

GUTFELD: Isn't it good for him just to be on vacation far, far away?

TIMPF: All the time.

GUTFELD: All the time.

TIMPF: Yes. But then he said about the soul of the country, like countries don't have souls. OK?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And also nobody's soul is supposed to be the government's business.

GUTFELD: That -- you're absolutely right. That's so true.

TIMPF: Yes, like my soul, big trouble, but that's going to be my problem to deal with in the afterlife.

GUTFELD: Yes, I mean, it is -- and he skips -- he's intimating a civil war, Brian. I mean, you are an expert in that because it could happen at any time at "FOX AND FRIENDS" because they hate you so much there.

KILMEADE: I did not know that.

GUTFELD: Oh, yes, yes. "FOX AND FRIENDS" is basically a microcosm of America right before the Civil War. I'm told.

KILMEADE: So they called you with this information?

GUTFELD: Yes, it's -- what's called in the business and open secret.

KILMEADE: I wish I was in this business. By the way. How great -- at one point you have a big picture, a big wall of Joe Biden.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KILMEADE: She stopped looking. He was looking at Joe Biden and Kat was actually talking to Joe Biden's picture during your little monologue right there. Well, you were actually talking to him.

GUTFELD: No, we got to move on. Up next. Why blue state residents plea to red states that are free?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: -- with kindness. As California slides into crisis mode, residents are hitting the road. Yes, blue cities keep thugging out. Residents are bugging out. As U-haul dropped the scoop that everyone's fleeing a state with streets filled with poop. According to something called the U-Haul Growth Index, my favorite kind of growth index after my sweatpants.

MONTGOMERY: Oh god.

GUTFELD: Trucks for Californians fleeing their state last year. That's because the state's motto is gone from Eureka to (INAUDIBLE) of homeless urine. But people are getting sick and tired of the B.S. policies that have turned their state into a lawless liberal hellhole. You get all the dirt and danger of the third world plus avocado toast that costs 14 bucks between smash and grab robberies and home invasions.

You also have COVID mandates, the homeless and worst of all Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. Talk about a royal flush. Though there's more than enough reason to pull up stakes that leave the golden shower state and head for greener pastures. And those pastures will have less fertilizer on the ground. That's for sure. According to that same U-haul report, Texas, Florida Tennessee and South Carolina and Arizona saw the biggest gains in U-hauls coming in versus going out.

So like a person with two broken arms on Election Day they're voting with their feet.

KILMEADE: I just got that.

GUTFELD: Yes. Thanks, jerk. And what do the destinations have in common other than that they all love me. Well, they're all red, which means unfortunately, they also love Kilmeade. How much for a truck to haul me away from him?

KILMEADE: You booked me.

GUTFELD: I did. I did. Psychological problems. I have Kennedy. You know, you are from that part of the world. And now you're over here. It seems like when people -- should people be leaving the blue states or should they be sticking around and trying to fix it?

MONTGOMERY: I wish the good people would stick around and try and fix it. And I wish they would start with California politics. Something that is so monotonous. It is a one-party state that gave us Kamala Harris and Gavin Newsom and Nancy Pelosi.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: And Eric Swalwell. And Adam Schiff.

GUTFELD: Right.

MONTGOMERY: You know, that's how bad the environment is, the state. And I love California. I know that you're from California, and people don't understand that, who just hear these awful stories. But, you know, when you spent a lot of time there, you do feel kind of defensive for it. But, you know, we are losing our reasons to keep standing up at the place. They've even blown legal weed.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: They have -- they have such a massive black market right now, because of the high taxes and the high regulations that if people are going to get high, they're going to go to, you know, some dealer on the street corner.

GUTFELD: Yes (INAUDIBLE) I actually went to the legal weed place last week, and I was -- the very low power stuff there. I was very disappointed. So I defecate in the parking lot.

MONTGOMERY: Too much testing.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: Too much regulation. Too much red tape. No good weed.

GUTFELD: There you go.

MONTGOMERY: Back to you, Greg.

GUTFELD: Jim. Jim, what do you make of this trend? Going from one place to the other?

FLORENTINE: Well, maybe -- look, maybe the celebrities can sing Imagine again. And that will keep people from moving. I will do it because it's worked so well the first time.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FLORENTINE: I forgot about that. But that's got to be embarrassing for people in L.A. to be driving around a U-haul instead of a Mercedes. You know, look, it's going to be culture shock. Someone moved from California to Texas.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FLORENTINE: So now, you know, when they go to a steak house they can order a ribeye made out of tofu, you know.

GUTFELD: An actual ribeye. It's funny though, because when you think about U-hauls, it's so depressing, Kat, right? Whenever you have a U-haul, it's like -- that means you you're like moving out from somebody you broke up with. Do you know what a U-haul is?

TIMPF: I know what a U-haul is?

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: But I associate a U haul with hiding so I don't have to help.

GUTFELD: Oh, there you go.

TIMPF: Because when I move I get so stressed about moving. And I don't know why because I never do anything.

GUTFELD: That's true. You're not. Well, look at your arms. You'd be the worst person to ask to move.

MONTGOMERY: I gave -- I gave Kat a couch.

TIMPF: Oh, yes.

MONTGOMERY: But she had other people in the (INAUDIBLE)

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Do you still have that couch?

TIMPF: No. But I -- I've never -- to this thing never purchased the couch. I got her free couch when I lived alone. And then I moved in with Cam and he had a couch. I brought the stuff that's on the -- I don't buy --

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: It wasn't -- my dad, I think paid him a lot. But it's stressful, because it's like, how much money do I spend on the couch? And then what color do I want the couch to be?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And then what other stuff am I going to have to go with the couch? And then it's so stressful. You have to get it there. So that's why I just -- before you gave me the couch, I had lawn chairs in my apartment.

GUTFELD: There you go. God. Well, Brian.

TIMPF: Any more questions?

GUTFELD: You actually live --

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: -- lawn chairs.

GUTFELD: You live in a U-haul?

KILMEADE: Right.

GUTFELD: I mean, you're you're constantly moving you're like excrement through a human bowel never, never stopping. So this is like -- I don't know fill that rest of what I was going to say with an earnest question.

KILMEADE: True. All right. I don't live in a U-haul. But my U-haul experience is not a good one.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KILMEADE: So what I did is I moved six blocks away.

GUTFELD: Right.

KILMEADE: So I just said to myself, I'm going to get a U-haul. I'm going to do it myself. So I filled up the whole U-haul with all my stuff and I lost the key. So I ended up not being -- the guy goes I've rented from U-haul. So I leased U-hauls to be able to rent the guy like you. So there was no backup key. So I ended up having to put it into my Jeep Cherokee, little by little and then they ended up having to tow the U-haul out of my driveway. But let me just tell you a story that will actually help your show.

GUTFELD: Yes. So basically, you just told me a story that wouldn't help my show.

KILMEADE: You could edit it out.

GUTFELD: And this story does need --

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: That's why you don't help moving.

KILMEADE: Right.

KILMEADE: Tennessee, South Carolina and Arizona round out the top five of the red states which of course Florida in California. Arizona has already changed.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KILMEADE: -- purple. You're already seeing some movement in Tennessee. We know what's happened in Nashville, you guys just there. So I think a lot of them are going and they're not leaving their values behind. They're trying to ruin the states because they don't believe it was their fault.

GUTFELD: You know what -- and the thing is I do believe -- do you -- have I ever told you my waiver plan that if you move from blue to red you have to sign a waiver that you don't vote for two years? Not because we don't like you or anything. We just want you to experience what it's like for two years. Not to screw up a state or a city. Right? But that'll never happen because I think that's unconstitutional.

TIMPF: I believe so.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KILMEADE: I don't think that matters anymore.

GUTFELD: No, it doesn't. At least to me, I - the constitution always overrated, right?

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Did you really read that? The paper is really old. LIke how did they write on that parchment?

MONTGOMERY: Little (INAUDIBLE)

KILMEADE: We would think they would have broken to the copy machine too because they made so many copies because we all had to follow it.

GUTFELD: That's true. It's ridiculous. All right. Up next. Is the pandemic to thank for your home's hidden stang?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: -- corona giving you a foul aroma. It's true, are you worried that your uncles and aunts think your room smells like Biden's pants? Apparently, sales of air fresheners scented candles and pungent cleaning supplies are up? And no, it's not because Kat moved into your guest room -- because she smells -- it's because the pandemic has people terrified that their homes stink. That's according to the Wall Street Journal owned by our parent company, Waffle House.

Yes, apparently more time at home more trash, more food waste, and more workouts in our living rooms, have room -- have homes smelling worse than Kilmeade after eating four bowls of oat bran. Thanks to fewer social occasions and everyone working from home. Or as Jeffrey Toobin calls it masturbating. People are showering less, all of it has -- people worrying about nose blindness, which means you might not even realize your house smells like crap until people come over, and then it's too late.

But I'd say this story proves it's a great time to be alive. 120 years ago, one of the leading causes of death was diarrhea. Now, I just call that Tuesday. And besides, if the house smells bad, it's totally fixable with a little for Breeze. I'm huffing two or three cans per day. It's magical. All right, Jim, does your -- do you even, does your apartment or your home smell bad?

JIM FLORENTINE, COMEDIAN: It did for a while, especially during the beginning of the pandemic. I use so much bleach like my neighbors probably thought it was cleaned up a crime scene. But I just tell people I'm French so I get away with it.

GUTFELD: There you go. Yes.

FLORENTINE: Well, imagine how, imagine the smells there must be in Dr. Fauci's house. Just the (BLEEP) that he's --

GUTFELD: I didn't see that coming. Yes, it's true. He does spew a lot of baloney, rotten baloney, Kat, I might add. Do you um, I don't know how to ask a girl this.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: I'm not really a girl. I'm a girl, but I have a very masculine vibe.

GUTFELD: Have you been forced to buy a lot of scented candles?

TIMPF: No, I mean, I know -- I don't really buy, I don't buy things for the apartment.

GUTFELD: No.

TIMPF: It's, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't want people to think I don't help at all. OK, when we moved, I ate all the popsicles in the freezer because you couldn't bring them with you.

GUTFELD: Even the ones that have like back hair?

TIMPF: No. No.

GUTFELD: Like the white back hair?

TIMPF: No, I don't have back hair on my popsicles.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Yes, you have to take off the wrapper. And then if there's like this, white bat bite --

TIMPF: I don't know where you buy a popsicle. I don't know where you buy. It sounds like a different thing that you have and you're free.

GUTFELD: You don't have (INAUDIBLE) -- what am I, why am I arguing this?

BRIAN KILMEADE, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: No, it absolutely happens. You'll find some of them in the Smithsonian.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KILMEADE: From years ago, they're still be there.

TIMPF: I mean, it's not that, I don't, I don't cook so my food doesn't, doesn't smell like food in my apartment.

GUTFELD: OK.

TIMPF: Ah, my husband cleans the litter box.

GUTFELD: Nice.

TIMPF: So, we're good there

GUTFELD: And you don't even have a cat, which is weird.

TIMPF: Well -- that's a good joke, because he's saying that (BLEEP) that I, in a box. So, explain it to everybody.

GUTFELD: Thank you for making that joke work. You know --

TIMPF: Make sure the kids at home understand.

GUTFELD: You know, Brian, a studio crew calls you stinky McFartFace. Have you ever considered hanging an air freshener on your hideous sickening nose?

KILMEADE: Hey, a couple of things. I just want to back this up a little bit. This is the third time you made yourself a "FOX AND FRIENDS" insider, and you don't even know where our offices are. All right. You don't get, you don't get to work until 1:00, all of us are gone. You have no sources on "FOX AND FRIENDS," you don't even know if we're live or not in the.

GUTFELD: Do you know who forced me to get involved in his cookbook? Your co-host ---

KILMEADE: Right.

GUTFELD: Harassed me for days on end until I made up a recipe involving Pez --

KILMEADE: You made it up?

GUTFELD: Yes.

KILMEADE: Fantastic. Right, you let people find Pez limiting but not you, you thrive on it. The other thing I would do, I do -- I think it's amazing that the American people know when you walk into a room after a while you become nose blind. You don't have no idea what it smells like. But the American people are that paranoid to think I know I don't smell anything, but that's a problem. So, what worried about what potentially other people might think if they ever come visit, but we don't visit anybody anymore. So, that's not even an issue. The other thing you could do with this --

TIMPF: Really? People are visiting me.

KILMEADE: You could, you could open up a window.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KILMEADE: Instead of spending money on air freshener. You want to write that down as --

GUTFELD: You know, I was just thinking you could get COVID and lose -- everybody loses their sense of smell.

TIMPF: I never did.

KILMEADE: Absolutely.

TIMPF: Not one -- two COVIDs, still smelling everything.

KILMEADE: How did the Chinese come up with that as one of the afflictions?

GUTFELD: I don't know, man.

KILMEADE: Let's just take this to --

GUTFELD: We're just talking about this. We are like, we, we're taking this like this, this created weaponry too lightly. Like, we should be -- it's like everybody involved in creating this virus should be executed.

KILMEADE: Absolutely.

GUTFELD: I -- you know, it's like I don't understand why we do -- I, I, maybe it's just because it's impossible, because you'd have probably have to execute a few Americans, I would imagine right, because there were Americans involved in this.

KILMEADE: Well, we take responsibility for it, instead they're mad at us for not handling it well. They've locked up 13 million people over the last two weeks and forgot to feed them.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes, amazing. Amazing. You know, Kennedy, when we were, when you were a kid, do you remember going over to your friend's house and it smelled differently from yours?

LISA KENNEDY-MONTGOMERY, FOX BUSINESS NETWORK HOST: Yes.

GUTFELD: Isn't that weird?

MONTGOMERY: Yes, and I remember thinking like, do we have a family smell?

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: Like, another people come over to here -- I remember going to different parts of the country and hearing their accents.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: And then going, do people in Oregon have accents?

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: But what happened with a pandemic, couple things like you're usually home just for a few hours in everyone's in their own bedroom, breathing and farting. And that's where the smell comes from. Everyone was stuck in the same place in the same room just breathing and farting together like pets and people and kids and you're making your own food.

And then, people got the bright idea. They watched "Game Changers" on Netflix, that documentary about going vegan. So, everyone went vegan at the beginning of the pandemic, and everyone was eating beans because you need something that fills you up. Because, you know, it's like potato chips and salt aren't going to do it. Oddly enough. Yes, people were just breathing, farting, vegan bean eaters in misery and those who lost their sense of smell were actually the lucky ones.

FLORENTINE: No wonder she got rid of her couch and gave it to --

MONTGOMERY: A giant fart cushion. Here you go, Kat, she thinks she didn't lose her sense of smell with both COVIDs.

GUTFELD: That is true. Whenever somebody -- you can have my couch, you forget about everything that's been on that.

TIMPF: I know, I just don't care.

GUTFELD: Yes, of course, you know, why wouldn't you?

MONTGOMERY: Cam had a blacklight over the whole thing. Oh, no, no.

TIMPF: He's, he's disgusted by me.

GUTFELD: America is disgusted by you.

TIMPF: I know coming up, was a leader from North Korea, the first to use a tortilla?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Care for some beans and cheese while you live on your knees? A North Korean state-run network, aren't they all? No, really, aren't they all? Is reporting that the late dictator, Kim Jong-il is actually the father of the burrito. Would have liked it been there for that birth. But over there, they call them wheat wraps. Of course, burrito is Spanish for little donkey, another thing North Koreans would gladly eat since they're starving.

The propaganda network airing mouth-watering images of burrito making and happy North Koreans chowing down on the popular street food and selling the story that their former dictator actually birthed the idea that burrito before he passed away in 2011. It's a bizarre claim that got us thinking about other famous foods and they're unlikely creators. For example, mousey tongue -- actually invented the Philly Cheese Steak, did you not know that, Brian?

KILMEADE: Did not know that.

GUTFELD: Yes, Ayatollah of Iran, the original Ayatollah, the mean one, famously came up with tater tots.

KILMEADE: Right.

FLORENTINE: Yes.

GUTFELD: He was given, he kept asking people, wouldn't it be great if potatoes had babies?

KILMEADE: Right.

GUTFELD: That so they drove him crazy. It's why they took the embassy hostage because he was obsessed with potatoes having babies. And of course, the late Panamanian, Panamanian dictator, Manuel Noriega who invented the pineapple.

KILMEADE: Right.

GUTFELD: Such a stupid joke. Kat, thoughts?

TIMPF: On what?

GUTFELD: I don't know. The best food invention?

TIMPF: Soup. Soup.

GUTFELD: Soup? You're a soup --

TIMPF: Soup is the best food. I love soup. It's like, well, I mean, it depends. Like soup, you just, you just sit there and your soup and you're eating it. It's warm. You're like, everything's going to be OK. It's nice.

GUTFELD: That's a good point.

TIMPF: Yes. Or also popsicles, I really do like, especially in the bathtub. You sit in the bathtub. It's all warm in the bathtub, and then the popsicles are cold and refreshing. You do that for hours. I'm not joking.

GUTFELD: I am a huge, I'm a huge snow cone fan.

TIMPF: Really?

GUTFELD: Yes. Because you know what, it was the one small thing in life that required its own machine. It was like inheriting a relative on life support. Like you say, I want to have one snow cone, maybe every month but I got to have a freaking machine on the kitchen thing and all the ingredients and stuff

KILMEADE: Like dialysis.

GUTFELD: It is. It's, it's, it's food dialysis. You're absolutely right.

KILMEADE: So, I wanted to make up for the whole story and prepare for the segment. So, here's what I found out. I just said to my -- he came up with wheat wraps, right? Came up wheat wraps. That's kind of weird. He's actually taking credit for the burrito, which actually in 1895 that appears in the American Mexican dictionary. So, he lied. Turns out, Kim Jung-il lied about a lot. He evidently picked up golf the very first time he had a 11-holes-on-one.

GUTFELD: Right. Right.

KILMEADE: And he, that's, that's a 38 under par.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KILMEADE: He also in the North Korean games, he won every gold, silver and bronze in the summer and winter games. I'm seeing there might be a problem with some of the veracity of the stories.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KILMEADE: They need some journalists over there. So, Kim Jong-son when he was born, when he came to the country, when he was born, a rainbow appeared over the mountaintops.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KILMEADE: The problem is, he was born in the Soviet Union. But we should not get gummed up in facts. So, I am so thrilled with North Korea, the stories that come out. If it wasn't such a brutal dictatorship where everyone dies or starvation, I could really have fun with this.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's true. It's a good part, but it is part of the mythology that they demand the population to believe in, they come up with these lies, Kennedy, and they have to be in there like completely bizarre stream of consciousness. But if you don't believe it, then you're dead.

MONTGOMERY: Yes, that's true. And also, Kim Jong-il had a supernatural birth.

GUTFELD: Right.

MONTGOMERY: And he also was credited with inventing the hamburger.

KILMEADE: Did I know that?

MONTGOMERY: I don't, I don't know if it's all propaganda. I think we're just electing the wrong people here.

KILMEADE: Exactly.

MONTGOMERY: So, you know, it's like, I would love -- maybe you know what, Greg? I think Guy Fieri needs to be president.

GUTFELD: Oh, would that be amazing?

MONTGOMERY: Yes.

GUTFELD: That'd be amazing. He'd be the best president ever. I invented a food wax lips --

KILMEADE: Right. It keeps to my mind, it beats you to it. But I want to, I know you are the dictator of the show --

GUTFELD: Yes.

KILMEADE: So, let's just say he did.

GUTFELD: All right. All right, Jim, what are your thoughts on this? Do you believe he invented the burrito?

FLORENTINE: Yes, I believe him.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FLORENTINE: Because think about it, he created a sun that's the same size of the burrito. Same shape, same size. I think Trump's got a great new nickname, little burrito man.

GUTFELD: Nicely done. All right, coming up. He can slam you with a power bomb, but this week he's playing Mr. Mom. We'll check in with Tyrus.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ANNOUNCER: "CHECKING IN ON TYRUS."

GUTFELD: Wow. Yes, forget Billy Ray Cyrus, we'd rather talk to our pal, George Murdoch. You see what I did there? America misses Tyrus dearly, but not as much as he misses me. He couldn't be here this week. So, we thought we'd check in. But this is mostly about me seeing his lovely face again. Hi, Tyrus, I'm going to spend the first minute of trying to make you as uncomfortable as possible. On a scale of one to infinity --

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Actually --

GUTFELD: Go ahead.

TYRUS: No, no, no, go ahead.

GUTFELD: I was going to ask you from a scale of one to infinity, how much have you missed me?

TYRUS: Well, the good news is Greg, I've been sitting here watching all along. So, I'm all caught up on the creepiness, and it's just like old time. I -- Kilmeade, he's punishing you for not being me. So, enjoy it or don't.

GUTFELD: But it's good that you're not here when Kilmeade's here, right? Because you know about his problems. So, that's got to be good for.

TYRUS: Yes, yes, because we'd get together, and that'd be two adults in the room and you will be furious. So, yes, I get it.

GUTFELD: All right, enough of that. Let's get to some stories. I wanted to talk to you about some of these big issues like the CDC is mixed messaging, they've changed their guidance on the recommended isolation period. And they always seem to struggle with communication, what would you like to see from them moving forward, Tyrus?

TYRUS: At this point? Nothing. I am, firsthand, living in the Omicron explosion or whatever variant it might be because we have no clue. And dealing with this, the one thing that I have learned through this whole thing is to stick to my community, talk to my local doctor to get information on what I need to do to protect my family like I'm, I'm lucky I'm vaccinated. Thrice at this point now. That's two shots and a booster. And I've been pretty lucky through this whole process. I haven't shown any symptoms during this, but my you know, all my kids are dealing with it right now. So, my household is dealing with it, my neighborhood is dealing with it.

And when you turn on the news, you'll literally get -- a Fauci will give a speech, then President Biden will give a speech, then the head of the CDC will give a speech. And each speech is literally a different language. So, it's just too confusing. I just don't, I don't even bother anymore. The first they told us 10 days, then it was, oh, we ran out a test. OK, scratch it. Make it five days. You don't make deals like that you do that when you're making when you're bartering or negotiating on used car, not not dealing with pandemic?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: So, you know, obviously, they're not, they're not being straight with us. So, I've been, I've been putting my new message out to talk to your local medical help and facilities to get real answers, because the doctor is going to give it to. Your doctor's going to give it to you straight, and you're not going to get the (INAUDIBLE) or the politicalization of all this, because that's really what it's becoming is extremely frustrating for those of us who have to work for a living and travel for a living. So, it's really frustrating.

GUTFELD: Yes, you know, and I often say, talk to your doctor, or you can talk to me, I consider myself -- I didn't go to medical school, but as you know, Tyrus, I'm almost like a doctor. People can trust me.

TYRUS: Well, you know, in certain circles, I believe you have a doctorate of some form of leather craftsmanship.

GUTFELD: Yes, I do.

TYRUS: From some, some, some seedy places. Yes. You can sew leather chaps with your bare hands, apparently.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: That's not really the same thing as a doctor, although you are an expert in that field, but I'm not sure. Learn a doctor -- at least not yet, Gutfeld, it's still, there's plenty of time.

GUTFELD: You know, there's a, there was a piece in the Wall Street Journal that said that parents reported an uptick, that's an increase, Kat, in mental health issues because of the kids being forced at stay home. How's it going for you with your kids?

TYRUS: Oh, it's, it's great. I mean, they're just, they listen all the time. And especially when we're in public and never act a fool. They don't keep asking for things. They don't say, hey, I'm watching the show without you. And everyone's still laughing. They're really supportive. And just you know, I can't wait for them to see me on TV again, just so I can be away from them. I mean, just so they can, you know, get back to normal. But yes, you know, teaching your kids at home and taking care of kids at home is, is really unfair. Yes. It's just not fair. I didn't sign up for this. I gave them life. I put a roof over their head, clothes on their backs, I didn't know I actually had to speak with them and hang out with them, and pretend like I love their stories. You know what else, Greg, since we're just doing this.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: They're little liars. Children lie all the time. They never stop lying. When you catch them in a lie, they just reinvent the lie.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: It's just. You got to get me out of here, Gutfeld. I'm trying to keep it together. I'm literally drawing kid cartoons. This is what's in my mind. My brain is oatmeal. Help me. This dude is alone. He's completely alone. Any he's sideways. I don't even know what I was thinking here. I'm just, I'm send help Gutfeld, send help.

GUTFELD: I will do my best. By the way, before we go, I have to tell you, do you know that I got a fish. I got a, I got a goldfish for my office, isn't that exciting? No?

TYRUS: Is this goldfish, so the goldfish is by itself with you?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: OK, I'll be back soon enough. I'll take care of this.

GUTFELD: I forgot to feed it for a week, but it was still there, so I kept it.

TYRUS: Yes, yes, and it has to stay in his tank, Gutfeld. You can't play with it or dress up with it. You can't -- your orifices in your body is half the same as a fish tank. So, let's keep the goldfish in the bowl.

GUTFELD: He loves, he loves to nestle in my armpit. Just like Kilmeade.

TYRUS: Yes, exactly. I knew you were going to do this.

GUTFELD: Yes, why did I do it?

TYRUS: So, thank you.

GUTFELD: Anyway, we all miss you here.

TYRUS: Now, my kids don't seem so bad.

GUTFELD: America misses you. The world misses you. Hopefully, you get back here next week. If you can't, you can, we can, we'll try. We'll do whatever we can. Thank you, Tyrus. We'll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: We're out of time. Thanks to Tyrus, Jim Florentine, Brian Kilmeade, Kennedy, and Kat. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with evil Shannon Bream is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld and I love you, America.

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